Date: Sat, 20 May 2000 00:45:55 -0400
From: Sequoyah <pendor@mailcity.com>
Subject: A Special Place--Part 14
A Special Place--Part Fourteen
Warning!
The usual warning applies: This story contains, or will contain,
sexually-explicit, erotic events involving alternative sexualities. Do not
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Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction, any coincidence is just that, a
coincidence.
About This Story
For those of you who need a review: This story is attempting to many
things--some I suspect successfully, others not so successfully. Now seems
an appropriate time to reiterate the purpose--at least to my mind. The
story is a romance and as such, it represents a world more nearly like the
one we desire than the one that is. While some pretty terrible things have
and will happen in the story, the real world is often less kind. The major
purposes in writing the story were three: to explore many facets of human
love--with a real emphasis upon friendship and caring--to give hope and
encouragement to some who are near the end of their rope and to
educate--the old didactic. Of profound important is a message against
suicide and prejudice.
To those who have written and commented on the grammar, syntax,
spelling, etc., your thanks should go to SAH without whom no one would
compliment these critical areas of the story. May his days become ever
brighter!
It is impossible to convey how much your e-mail means in terms of
encouragement. They make the keyboard hours seem worthwhile, especially
those which relate how ASP has had a positive impact on their lives or
understanding. They mean the story will go to a logical end!
"A Special Place" is now being posted to Authors Without a Websites:
http://www.TeenBoyAuthors.org/aww/index.asp as well as to Nifty. The
website has guidelines which generally reflect the position of Sequoyah.
****
A Special Place--Part Fourteen Luke
The next day started as usual with a run. I jogged to Matt's, climbed
the trellis and when I looked through the window, his bed was empty. I
climbed through and heard him brushing his teeth. He was already dressed in
sweats and when he turned and saw me, a radiant smile spread across his
face. He came across the hall, took me in his arms and planted a great good
morning kiss on me. "Love you, Luke, love you" he said as he looked into my
eyes. His black, black almond eyes were shining.
"Love you too, Matt. Let's run."
Michael was waiting for us at the end of the front walk. "Morning,
guys."
"Morning, Michael. Ready to run?"
"Let's fly."
Today Michael led the way and we really did some serious running. We
passed David's pasture without slowing down and ran another mile. Michael
peeled off when we got back to his place and Matt and I ran about half a
mile more, then slowed down to a fast walk, but slow enough to hold hands.
When we reached Matt's place, we went inside and I had orange juice
while the Greywolfs ate. We talked about last night's meeting with
Mom. Yong Jin and Greywolf were pleased it had gone so well.
"I'll admit I was a bit anxious, but I was sure Gabrielle would do
nothing other than love her son, even if she didn't approve," Yong Jin
commented. "Now Jens is another question."
"She loves your son as well, Yong Jin. In fact, she said if I was
going to love another man, she thought I was blessed in being loved by
Matt."
"And he you," Yong Jin said.
"Well, I've got to run so I can be ready when Matt comes by. School
may be a bit interesting today if Mr. Gray hasn't gotten the permission
thing straightened out." Little did any of us know just how interesting the
school day would prove to be!
By lunch, we had heard nothing about the permission or anything else
related to the chorus and ensemble participating in Matt's recital. The
girls were all excited because Mary Kathryn had talked to her mother and
Yong Jin about Paula's need of a prom dress and Yong Jin was hatching up
something. It seemed that it was all a big secret. Other than that, lunch
was the usual affair other than the fact that Paula had asked Eugene and
Larry to join the Select Few. We spent some time getting to know them. Just
about the same time as yesterday, Mr. Gray came on the intercom and
announced there would be a short assembly program immediately following
lunch. "All students are to report to the auditorium immediately after the
bell rings," he demanded.
"I wonder what that's all about," I said.
When the students were all in the auditorium, Mr. Gary walked to a
podium and announced that a group of students had taken it upon themselves
to offer to perform at St. Mary's Church. "While I had no objection to
Matthew Greywolf's including a religious service as a part of his personal
recital, I am very concerned that when school groups take part in a
religious service some would see this as implying the school endorses a
particular religion. Accordingly, when Mr. Smith asked that I approve a
permission letter to be sent to parents of those in the participating
groups, namely the Mixed Chorus and the Symphonic Brass and Percussion, I
had some very serious questions. After checking with the superintendent and
president of the school board, I have decided to allow members of those
groups who obtain parental permission to participate. However, there is
still the implication that this is a school-sponsored event. For this
reason...."
Mr. Gray was interrupted by his Miss Grimes, his secretary, who handed
him a note. "Excuse me," he said and read the message she had handed
him. "Well, it seems there has been a change. Rev. Thomas Moore of
St. Mary's has just called and left the following message and I quote,
'Mr. Gray, there seems to be some concern about the inclusion of The Order
for Evening Prayer as a part of Matthew Greywolf's recital and the
participation by the Independence High School Mixed Chorus and Symphonic
Brass and Percussion. Neither St. Mary's nor the Episcopal Church approves
any endorsement of a religion or religious organization by a public
school. Therefore, to avoid any semblance of endorsement of St. Mary's or
the Episcopal Church The Order for Evening Prayer will not be included in
the recital to be performed by Matthew Greywolf. St. Mary's is delighted
to serve as host to the recital and the young performers in the Mixed
Chorus and the Symphonic Brass and Percussion. Further, St. Mary's will
insist, as I am sure the school system will, that students in those
organizations have permission from their parents to participate in the
recital/concert. Again, St. Mary's is delighted to host this event and to
support the cultural activities of Independence High School.' Well, in
light of this message, my reason for calling for this assembly...."
Miss Grimes walked across the stage again and handed Mr. Gray another
message. He read it then looked up and said, "I have very sad announcement
to make. The office has received notice that Gregory Burnette, a former
student at Independence, has taken his own life. His uncle found him this
morning hanging from a rope in his room. I am extremely sorry to learn of
this young man's death as I am sure you are. While I in no way condone the
violence committed upon him while he was a student here, all of you need to
take that violence and his suicide as a warning. You must realize that if
you choose to be a pervert and live the lifestyle of a pervert, normal
society can and will exact a price from you. So I urge you who may be
considering being a pervert and living the life of a faggot...."
Suddenly I head a sound from behind me I had not heard in years. It was
a Lakota war whoop! As it continued to echo through the auditorium,
Greywolf, who is well known as a soft spoken man, was racing down the aisle
toward the stage. Michael, who was sitting with the sophomores, was right
behind him also giving a Lakota war whoop. We had all been taught the
somewhat complex whoop when we were young and had been running around the
house whooping like movie Indians when Greywolf came home from
somewhere. He sat us all down and told us about the warrior tradition and
taught us the proper war whoop. Not to leave Mary Kathryn out, he taught
her the call Lakota women used to encourage their warriors. While I was
thinking this, Matt joined in the war whooping as Greywolf mounted the
stairs to the stage three steps at a time. He was followed by Michael,
both continuing war whoops. Without realizing it, I had joined in. The
students were either chanting 'Greywolf, Greywolf' or attempting to do war
whoops.
When Greywolf reached the stage, he took the microphone from Mr. Gray
and said, "Miss Grimes, call the superintendent and Mrs. Millicent
Willingham and tell them they are needed at Independence immediately." Miss
Grimes looked at Mr. Gray, not moving. In a deadly tone of voice, Greywolf
said, "Miss Grimes, that was not a request, that was an order. Now do it!"
Miss Grimes ran from the stage as fast as she could on her four inch heels.
Greywolf then turned to face the students and held up his hand for
silence. "This high school is named for a document called the Declaration
of Independence. That document, which laid the foundations for this country
we enjoy, states that all have rights which cannot be taken from them: the
right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Mr. Gray, you have
effectively told this group of young Americans that those rights do not
apply to ten percent of our population who are not perverts, but gay. I am
sure that Ms. Boynton and the other biology teachers will tell you that
those who are gay do not choose a lifestyle. They do not choose to be
gay. Why would anyone choose to be gay when there are people such as some
students sitting in this very auditorium who believe that they have the
right to beat, abuse, and yes, rape someone who is gay?
"Gregory Burnette did not choose to be gay, he was gay. But even at
that, he harmed no one. In fact, he was harmed, first by someone who
claimed to love him then betrayed him. He was harmed when five males who
were and are students in this school choose to prove their manhood by
beating, abusing and raping him. He didn't have sex with them, they forced
sex upon him. His right to liberty and pursuit of happiness was not only
denied, it was taken from him. Now he is dead. His right to life was cut
short when his family, his fellow students, and his society made living
worse than death."
"And you, Mr. Gray, while you say you do not condone what happened to
Gregory, say anyone who is gay should expect to be treated as he was. You
are wrong, Mr. Gray. Your very words contradict your statement that you do
not condone the violence visited on Gregory."
"But there are others here who are equally guilty. There are students
who have made heroes out of those who abused, beat and raped Gregory. They
are young and we are supposed to be guiding them into responsible
citizenship. There are teachers here who actively encourage the use of
derogatory terms for people who are different such as the one you used:
faggot. But perhaps worse than those who actively support prejudice and
hatred are those of us who stand silent when students and faculty actively
encourage it."
"Mr. Gray, aside from the lack of moral and ethical leadership you
have shown in your statements regarding Gregory, you stand in direct
violation of the school board policy on bigotry and prejudice. In light of
that, and as a senior teacher on this faculty, I am ordering you to your
office until such time as the president of the school board and
superintendent arrive and can decide what is to be done about your
outrageous conduct. I suggest you go now after appointing your assistant
principal Ms. Jones acting principal."
"Mr. Greywolf, you are over-reacting. I certainly feel sorry about the
death of Gregory, but he should have known the lifestyle he chose could
only lead to active condemnation by society."
"Mr. Gray, I suggest you leave now. Any further hesitation on your
part will only increase what I sense is the anger of this student body."
"Greywolf, you are going to be sorry for this."
"No, I may suffer serious consequences. We will see about that, but I
will never be sorry. Now go!" Mr. Gray turned and walked off the stage,
obviously angry. By this time the students had just about grasped the
Lakota war whoop and the auditorium was resounding with it.
Ms. Jones took the microphone from Greywolf and said, "Students...."
There was almost instant silence, something I had never seen in all my
school years.
"Students, I am deeply ashamed and humiliated that you had to hear the
words which came from your principal's mouth. Maybe it is insubordination,
but I cannot support someone who, as Greywolf has said, even hints that
some group does not have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness. I am deeply saddened by the death of Gregory. Few of you and few
faculty, I suspect, knew Gregory. I knew him well since, for whatever
reason, he chose me as someone to whom he could talk. He was a gentle,
kind, loving young man. He was gay. That was who he was. And we all failed
him to the point that death seemed better than life. At this time, I would
offer the microphone to any faculty member who would like to address this
assembly."
Mr. Allan, a member of the PE department walked up the aisle slowly,
took the microphone and, with tears in his eyes, said, "There is no doubt
that the cesspool of prejudice and hatred toward anyone who is gay or
suspected of being gay or who is simply different is the PE
department. Those who raped--did you hear that? Those who RAPED Gregory are
considered heroes when they are in the men's locker room. Members of the PE
faculty have often encouraged that while I have sat back and kept my mouth
shut. Well, it is not shut any more. Two of the real jocks in this
school--if we mean a real man when we say jock--are standing here on this
stage with me: Greywolf who is fearless in his defense of justice and
fairness and Michael Andrews who has more balls--if you'll excuse that
expression--than any ten of you who yell 'faggot' in the hall, or who laugh
when someone else does, or who simply says nothing. I beg your forgiveness
Greywolf and Michael for not being a real man as you are."
The auditorium exploded with chants of 'Greywolf and Michael'
punctuated by Lakota war whoops.
When Mr. Allan stepped from the microphone, Michael looked at
Ms. Jones and she nodded. Michael took the microphone and said, "It is
neither a matter of pride or choice, it's simply the way God put me
together. I am heterosexual. I am in love with a wonderful, beautiful
woman. But that gives me no special rights, no privileges, no freedoms; I
have neither more nor less than I would have if I were homosexual and in
love with a man. This school faculty, students and administration has
failed in its responsibility to Gregory Burnette. Who knows what the world
has lost because he could no longer live in it? Think, if you dare, what
the world would be like without some of the most brilliant artists,
musicians, poets, architects, scientists, doctors, writers, religious
thinkers and leaders and thinkers who we know were gay. Different is
different, it is not wrong. Rape is rape, abuse is abuse, violence is
violence regardless of the intended victim. I say intended victim because
we are all victims when one of us is a victim. I know and appreciate the
care which the school board and superintendent took to make sure no one's
religious beliefs or non-belief were violated in regard to the recital,
concert and exhibition at St. Mary's. Nevertheless, while I am not a
member of St. Mary's and cannot make the final decision, I am announcing a
memorial service for Gregory Burnette this evening at 7:00 at St. Mary's. I
will check with Fr. Tom to make sure that is possible and have an
announcement for you before school ends. Now I hope we will all observe
silence in commemoration of the life of Gregory Burnette after which I
suggest you file out of the auditorium in silence and go to the class you
have immediately after lunch. Let there be silence."
I have been a student at Independence High School for four
years. There have been assemblies in which silence was observed in
commemoration of two or three faculty members who had died and for several
students killed in auto accidents, but I have never heard a silence like
the one which descended upon the students. Slowly students started drifting
out of the auditorium and still the silence was as absolute as it could be
with almost a thousand people walking. As I stood, I realized tears had
been steaming from my eyes and when I looked around, I was not the only one
crying. I thought I was throwing caution to the wind as I turned and
embraced Matt but, as I did, I noticed that students all over the
auditorium were hugging each other and, most amazing of all, men were
hugging
men.
A Special Place--Part Fourteen Matt
As Luke and I walked in silence to physics class, I felt as though I
and the students at Independence had started being cleansed of filth we had
all carried because of the treatment Gregory had received when he was in
our midst. I also was so proud of my father and my brother Michael. Coach
Allan was right, the kid--the MAN--had balls.
I noticed that students remained silent until they reached their
classroom doors--most walking arm in arm regardless of sex--and as they
went into classrooms, felt free to talk. I was surprised when Luke asked
me, "Matt, what is Greywolf's name, I mean other than Greywolf. I have
never known."
I smiled and wondered just why Luke thought to ask that question at
that moment. It seemed so much a part of what was going on. "Dad's full
name is Patanka St. Michael Greywolf. It would be great if you could
prevail upon him to tell the class where he got his name because it is the
perfect name for someone who has done what he just did. I won't spoil it
and if he won't tell you its history, Mom or I will later."
By the time Luke and I were seated, most students were in their
classrooms. A few minutes later the intercom came on. It was Michael.
"Students of Independence High School, I have contacted Fr. Tom at
St. Mary's and he has agreed to a memorial service at St. Mary's this
evening at seven. He will give us help in designing the service so if you
want to work on it, please meet me in the commons area after
school. St. Mary's is relatively small and will not hold all the student
body, but those who cannot be in the church itself may go to the parish
hall where audio and video will make the service available. Thank you."
"I guess I better be thinking of music for tonight. Here's Dad. Ask
him about his name."
While AP physics is a small class--9 men and 6 women--when Dad walked
into the room it rocked as the men burst into Lakota war whoops and the
women did their call for warriors. Greywolf was obviously speechless. As
the students grew silent, Luke stood up and said, "Mr. Greywolf, I think I
speak for the entire class when I say you made us proud of being a part of
this school today and deeply honored to have you as our teacher." The room
again sounded like a Lakota camp. "I realized," Luke continued, "as I was
walking from the auditorium that I have known you for my entire life and
look upon you as a father, but I have never known or heard your name, I
mean other than Greywolf. When I asked Matt, he told me your name and said
it fit perfectly with what was going on and suggested you tell the class
the story of your name."
"Luke, I am very proud of my name, but I am not sure I can talk about it
without appearing to be bragging and taking credit for something that
belongs to the students in this school."
"Mr. Greywolf, everyone in this classroom has known you for at least
four years. We know you are not a braggart--I learned that word from
Mrs. Greywolf by the way. If you would, please tell us the story of your
name."
"As perhaps few of you know, I was born on Rosebud Reservation to a
Lakota woman. My grandfather delivered me and when I was born, the moon was
full and as I came from my mother's womb, the moon came from behind a cloud
and bathed my face. My grandfather immediately gave me my child's name:
Moon-in-the-Face...." Greywolf then told the whole sordid story of his
birth, abandonment by his mother, and his abuse by his uncle.
"When I was perhaps nine or ten, an Episcopal priest who had a deep
understanding of the way of the Lakota and appreciation of our traditions
took me into his home. Through his and his wife's love and understanding, I
was gradually being healed. But when I was thirteen I still had nightmares
and was still deeply disturbed. In his wisdom, the priest took me to visit
a Lakota elder--you'd call him a medicine man. I lived with him through the
spring and summer. I learned much and much healing took place. Finally he
suggested I do a vision quest to allow Wakan Tanka--the Great Spirit--to
guide me to seeing who I was and give me my adult name."
"I did a sweat to cleanse my body and spirit then I was led to a place
far removed from anyone. I went into a small opening to a hole in the
ground only slightly larger than I. The opening was covered and I was there
seven days. During that time I had many dreams and visions, but none
revealed to me who and what I was. Then, near the end of the last day, I
fell into a trance and a buffalo appeared in the space with me and then I
became the buffalo. When the elder came and opened my quest place, I came
out bent and lowing like a buffalo. As I came out, he gave me my adult name
Patanka. It's a word which, in one sense, means buffalo, but to bear that
name means your purpose in life is to be as a buffalo to your people to
give that they may be protected, especially the weak and downtrodden--those
who are unable to protect themselves. When I returned to Fr. Mack, I told
him my new name."
"Since my birth had never been registered and I had never been
baptized, he gave me a Christian name which held much the same meaning as
Patanka, St. Michael. Thus my full name, with which I was baptized, is
Patanka St. Michael Greywolf and I have tried very much to live who I am."
Once again I was in a room that was absolutely silent. Slowly first one
then another student started applauding until all fifteen were standing and
applauding.
A strange mood pervaded the school for the rest of the day, a mood
very difficult to describe. On the one hand, the mood was a very somber one
as, I was sure, students thought about Gregory and his death. On the other
hand, there was a sense of pride and of being cleansed. I knew I would need
to meet with Michael and the students planning the memorial service, but I
also felt I needed to spend time with Luke who, I knew, had been affected
by Gregory's death more than even he realized. As soon as the bell rang, I
told Luke I would meet him at the Jeep since I needed to see Michael. When
I found Michael, I told him I would come back after school to meet with the
planning group because I felt I needed to be with Luke. "Matt, I was
worried that you might not stay with Luke. He needs you right now; he
really does and don't worry about coming back. Meet us at St.
Mary's. I've made arrangements for those interested in working on the
service to get there so I'll see you then. Now go to Luke."
When I reached the Jeep, Luke was sitting, glassy-eyed. As I got in
and started the Jeep, I placed a hand on his thigh and he looked at me with
a weak smile, then turned and stared out the window. Something was
definitely wrong and Luke was not telling me. I left my hand on his thigh
and drove toward home. As we neared the river bridge, Luke spoke for the
first time, "Matt, could we go to the falls?"
"Of course." I pulled to the side of the road, parked, and the two of
us started across the meadow. I didn't know what to do so I just walked
beside Luke. Finally he reached out and took my hand and we continued to
the falls. He crossed the canes and we walked to the sandy bank of the
falls' basin and sat down. Luke still had not said a word since he asked
that we come to the falls. Suddenly he grabbed me and started crying,
sobbing. He continued sobbing like a child, completely out of control. All
I knew to do was hold him tightly, his head resting in my shoulder as I
stroked his hair. Gradually his sobbing slowed as he clung to me. I still
held him, at a complete loss as to what was going on.
When Luke's sobs had stopped, he looked up at me with a tear-stained
face and red, swollen eyes, placed his hands on the sides of my head and
pulled my face to his and gave me a hard, passionate, desperate kiss. As
his kiss continued it became harder and harder, almost brutal in its
intensity. "Matt, I love you, I love you, I love you," Luke said as he
broke the kiss, but only momentarily. Once again his lips were crushing
mine.
Luke broke his kiss and he looked into my eyes. "Matt, I love you so
much and I have hurt you so much. Today the assembly was torture for me. I
was filled with emotions which were racing around, clashing with each
other. I thought about how terrible life had been to Gregory and yet he
kept going for so long. I thought about what a coward I had been because I
had not suffered at all as he had, yet I tried to kill myself. I also
understood the feelings Mary Kathryn expressed when she said she both hated
and loved me: loved me as her beloved brother and yet hated me because I
had tried to kill him. I felt the same way about myself. I loved me because
you loved me and hated myself because I tried to kill the one you loved. I
felt like a coward because I didn't get up on the stage as say, 'I ask
nothing more of you and nothing less than Michael asks and deserves and I
am in love with a beautiful, wonderful man. I am gay. At the same time, I
hated myself because I even thought of exposing you to the hatred and abuse
that you would undergo because it is you I loved and everyone would soon
know that. Matt, I just didn't know what to do or why I was having all
those feelings and others I can't describe or explain."
As I held Luke close and stroked his hair, he once again placed his
head on my shoulder as a baby rests its head on its mother. "Luke, my
beloved, you have gone through a very difficult time. Maybe you need to see
a counselor or maybe you just need to talk. I don't know and I can't tell
you what you need to do. Both of us have been cowards because we should
have trusted our friendship enough to know that confessing our love to the
other would not destroy it. We should have known, both of us, that our
hearts would not allow us to hate the other. But we did not. If we had it
to live over, would it be different? I would like to think that it would,
but in my heart of hearts I know it would not. The past is the past; what
has been done and left undone cannot be changed. Maybe, I hope, I pray that
the tears you have shed here washed all the past, not away, but into the
past. I love you, Luke. I have loved you for a long time and I expect to
love you as long as I live and after if that is possible. If my love is
enough, then so be it, but if you need to seek other help, please do. I
want you to love Luke as I love Luke."
"Matt, hold me; just hold me."
I pressed Luke's head down on my shoulder and gently rocked back and
forth. Without realizing it, I started singing softly to my Yonghon
Tongmu, "More than the greatest love...." Soon I felt Luke's body relax and
he sighed. I realized that he was emotionally drained and had fallen
asleep. I held him close as he slept. I became anxious about the time since
I would soon need to be at St. Mary's, yet I dared not disturb Luke. I
realized that he was sleeping peacefully and assumed that was the result of
exhaustion from the emotional roller coaster he had found himself on today
and, I dared hope and pray, the release he had found in his tears and his
few words to me. I decided that the group planning the memorial service
could pick the music and I could play it since it had to be familiar, so I
relaxed and thought to myself, "I will stay here until Luke wakes up or I
just have time to get to St. Mary's before the service."
Just as my thought was completed, Luke raised his head, looked into my
eyes and smiled a pure Luke smile. "Sarang Hanun Pomul, I would love you if
I were straight as an arrow because you have a wonderful, caring, loving
heart. But I am not straight as an arrow and I love you because of your
heart, but also because you are my beloved who loves me in return." With
those words, Luke placed his lips against mine for the gentlest, most
tender kiss he had ever given me. "Matthew Sarang Hanun Pomul Greywolf,
will you pledge yourself to me forever as I pledge myself to you?"
"Luke Hans Yonghon Tongmu Larsen, I will." Our lips met once more in a
tender, loving kiss.
"Matt, I know you don't expect it or require it, but please accept my
thanks for allowing me to pour out the past, for holding me and giving me
the courage and power to allow myself to be healed. Matt, I believe with
all my heart the time we have spent in this place today has made me whole
again and it would not have been possible without your arms around me."
"Luke, being whole is what our love is about. I can't think of a
better way to describe it. Without you, I am incomplete and I know that you
make me whole and we make each other whole."
"I could stay here forever, but you, especially, have to be a part of
what I hope and believe will help make a lot of people whole again. We
better get to St. Mary's because I don't know how, but I am going to be a
part of the healing which I believe this memorial service will be."
"Luke... ah, never mind. Ah, Luke...."
"Matt, trust."
"Luke, you said you felt you should have joined Michael on the stage
today. I.... "
"Are you afraid I will announce that I am gay? That we are lovers?"
"Afraid? Honestly I don't know. I think I am, but had you done it
today, I think I would have rushed the stage and given you a kiss you'd
never forget. But...."
"No, Matt. I do not intend to announce that I am gay or that we are
lovers. That would take the focus off of where it belongs, on Gregory and
the repentance that I hope this service requires of all of us. I don't know
what I will do, but let's go see what shapes up." We got up, Luke went to
the river and bathed his face in the still chilly water, making his eyes
less red and swollen.
Arm in arm we walked across the meadow to the Jeep. As we drove into
town, Luke freed my hair and placed his arm around me. I wondered if there
would be other crises in the future and if Luke really needed to seek
professional help. After all, since he left the hospital he had seemed ok,
but the events of the day had overwhelmed him.
"Matt, do you realize that I proposed to you and you said yes," Luke
asked out of the blue.
"I certainly do. We are now engaged."
Luke started laughing outrageously and said, "And we don't even know
if we're sexually compatible!"
"The time is coming."
"And so will we," Luke laughed again.
When we reached St. Mary's, I turned into the side street leading to
the parking lot. There two school activity buses were in the parking lot,
along with a large number of cars I recognized as students'. Additionally I
saw, parked down the side street, vans which I recognized as TV news remote
units. Before I could say anything, Luke said, "Holy shit! Do you see what
I see? Not only does the Lexington TV station have a remote here but also
there's one from Jackson." Now just who gave them the word? They had to
have been called just after the assembly."
"Kid, this may be more than we expected and I hope will accomplish
more than we dared dream. Brother Michael will really make headlines!"
When we got to the parish hall, Michael and about a dozen students and
Ms. Jones and Fr. Tom were sitting around tables arranged in a square
looking a The Book of Common Prayer and hymnals from several different
churches. Rabbi Feldstein, Dr. Rogers from the United Methodist Church and
the Rev. Ms. McDougall of the First Presbyterian Church were also present.
"Matt, good timing. Mr. Smith is here with the Symphonic Brass and
Percussion and Paula is working with the Mixed Chorus. We're putting
together a service. If you'll work with them on the music, we'll put it
all together later. We need to get things ready so Gertie can do
programs. She's volunteered to stay as late as necessary to get that done,"
Fr. Tom informed me.
"Were all the clergy invited?" I asked, because I wondered where the
others were.
"Of course, but one had bought a piece of land, another a cow and a
third had married a wife. I believe that's about the way it goes isn't it
my Christian brethren?" Rabbi Feldstein smiled.
"Well, most weren't polite enough to offer an excuse," Dr. Rogers
replied.
"Luke, would you call the family and let them know where we are? Of
course, Greywolfs know, but Dad and your family does not," Michael said.
"Sure. I'll be right back."
I sat down at the table and immediately looked over what had been
planned so far. The service had been divided into two parts. The first was
a penitential section which seemed appropriate in light of student reaction
this afternoon. The second was the memorial service proper. Three speakers
had been confirmed: Ms. Jones, Greywolf and Michael. No doubt there would
be others. "Do you know that both Lexington and Jackson have TV remote
units outside?"
"No, we didn't. We have been so busy in here. Don't you all think we
need to get an official spokesperson to deal with he media? Otherwise
everyone will be hounded by them," Ms. Jones said. "Greywolf was here a
while ago. I'll see if I can find him and get him to be spokesperson."
I went into the church to find out what as being done about the
music. As I opened the door from the sacristy, the brass and percussion
started Copland's "Fanfare for the Common Man." How appropriate, I
thought. We were celebrating the rights of the common man and recognizing
in the memorial service what happens when those rights are denied.
"Matt, glad you got here. All we have so far is "Fanfare" and "Amazing
Grace." Any input from you would be welcome," Mr. Smith said.
"First question is would you like organ with "Fanfare?" Don't think I
have ever heard it that way and I know I don't have an organ
transcription."
"I've heard rumors of some Millie Willingham state trumpets here. How
about you just using those and play the trumpet part with the trumpets in
the ensemble?"
I laughed, "One of these days you'll have to hear the whole story of
the trumpets. Using them is a great idea on two counts. First, the state
trumpets are great. I'll hold the volume down otherwise they would be all
you would hear. Second, Millie gave them in thanksgiving for Jason, her
son, and his companion/lover Anthony on the seventh year of their
commitment to each other."
"And St. Mary's allowed that?" someone in the ensemble asked.
"Not only allowed it, but there is a bronze plaque stating that
affixed to the rear wall below the trumpets. The trumpets are those
trumpet-shaped pipes extending over the rear door."
"Ok, let's get on with it. Matt, could you do a prelude?"
"Sure. How about the old standards I do when I haven't done adequate
practice: Bach's 'Sheep May Safely Graze' and 'Jesu, Joy of Man's
Desiring?"
"Sounds good. We'll have 'Fanfare' and what other hymns?"
"The first part of the service is penitential and the memorial service
proper is the second." We continued to talk about the music and finally got
it together. I took the music list to the group working in the parish house
and they had just about finished their work. "Here's the music," I
said. "We can put it all together if you are ready." Fr. Tom finally had a
copy for Gertie and took it to the office. Three or four students went
with Fr. Tom to help Gertie.
As soon as Fr. Tom left, Luke said he had called his parents and David
and we were all to go to the Larsens' for supper after the service at
Gabrielle's invitation.
Fr. Tom walked back into the room and said, "If I know teenagers,
you'll need something before the service is over. I have ordered pizza and
drinks for everyone. Also, Greywolf is holding a news conference in the
parish library so I guess that's under control."
When the pizza arrived, everyone gathered in the parish house and in
spite of the fact that there were about a hundred high school students in
the room, it was unnaturally quiet. About that time the students from the
office and Gertie brought in the programs to be collated and folded. They
had done an amazing job, especially in light of the time bind.
As soon as the programs were ready, students, under Gertie's
direction, started setting up the parish hall in the event that there was
an overflow from the church. The chorus and ensemble would be in the
chancel and that took care of about seventy students. St. Mary's held 250
comfortably and almost 350 with added chairs
At 6:30 students started arriving. The first dozen were made ushers as
soon as they stepped inside the church.
When I went into the church, I saw the TV crews setting up cameras and
microphones. Fr. Tom was overseeing that. Michael was speaking to a small
group of students in one corner of the church. "What's going on here?" I
asked.
"These students are taking part in the service, reading, leading
psalms and prayers. We're looking over the program and will make sure each
person knows where to sit and where to go to do their part."
"Great." I went to the organ and looked over the program. The first
speaker gave me a real shock. It was Luke! The program, in spite of being
put together by a committee--mostly students--was impressive:
****
A Penitential Service for Independence High School
and a
Memorial Service for Gregory Burnette
Prelude: Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring
Bach
Sheep May Safe Graze
Bach
Matthew Greywolf, organist
Psalm 6: The Psalm will be read from The Book of Common Prayer found
in the pew. It is the red book. Psalm 6 is found on page 589. The reader
will read the odd numbered verses, the congregation will read the even
ones.
Angile Ledbetter, reader
Hymn: "Forgive our sins as we forgive"
"Forgive our sins as we forgive" you taught us, Lord to pray;
but you alone can grant us grace to live the word we say.
How can your pardon reach and bless the unforgiving heart
that broods on wrongs and will not let old bitterness depart?
Lord, cleanse the depths within our souls and bid resentment cease;
that reconciled to God and man, our lives will spread your peace.
Mixed Chorus, Paula Wright, conductor
Exhortation to Repentance and Confession
Luke Larsen, speaker
A Litany of Repentance:
Students who wish may kneel. A period of silence will be observed
before and after the litany.
Reader and Congregation:
Most holy and merciful Father: We confess to you and to one another,
that we have sinned by our own fault in thought, word, and deed; by what we
have done, and by what we have left undone.
R: We have not loved you with our whole heart, and mind, and
strength. We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We have not
forgiven others, as we have been forgiven.
C: Have mercy on us, Father.
R: We have been deaf to your call to serve others, loving
them as we love ourselves.
C: Have mercy on us, Father.
R: We confess to you, Father, all our pride, hypocrisy,
and intolerance,
C: We confess to you, Father.
R: We confess our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and
our exploitation of other people,
C: We confess to you, Father.
R: We confess our anger at our own frustration, and our
envy of those more fortunate than ourselves,
C: We confess to you, Father.
R We confess our intemperate love of worldly goods and
comforts, and our dishonesty in daily life and work,
C: We confess to you, Father.
R: Accept our repentance, Father, for the wrongs we have
done: for our blindness to human need and suffering, and our indifference
to injustice and cruelty,
C: Accept our repentance, Father.
R: Accept our repentance for all false judgments, for
uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors, and for our prejudice and
contempt toward those who differ from us,
C: Accept our repentance, Father.
R: Most especially accept our repentance for the hurt and
harm visited upon your child Gregory by our actions and inaction.
C: Accept our repentance, Father, may he rest in peace.
R: Accept our repentance, Father, and grant him peace.
Alexander Johnson, reader
Hymn: Amazing Grace
Hymn 671 in the blue hymnal in the pews.
Fanfare for the Common Man
Copland
Symphonic Brass and Percussion with Organ, Eugene Joyce, conductor
Gregory: A Gentle Spirit
Constance Jones, speaker
The Rights of Every Human Being: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness
Michael Andrews, speaker
America the Beautiful
Hymn 719
Failed Obligations
Patanka St. Michael Greywolf, speaker
Brother Love: If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he
is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen,
cannot love God, whom he has not seen. Whoever loves God must also love his
brother.
Larry Watley, speaker
Love divine verses 2 and 3
Hymn657
Who is a Man?
Linda Lipinsky, speaker
Who IS a Man?
Macon Allan, Speaker
Commendation
Silence will be observed for a period.
R: Give rest, O Father, to your servant Gregory,
C: where sorrow and pain are no more.
R: You only are immortal, the creator and maker of mankind; and we
are mortal, formed of the earth, and to earth shall we return. For so did
you ordain when you created me, saying, "You are dust, and to dust you
shall return." All of us go down to the dust; yet even at the grave we make
our song: Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.
C: Give rest, O Father, to your servant Gregory, where sorrow and pain
are no more.
R: Into your hands, O merciful Father, we commend your servant
Gregory. Receive him into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of
everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light.
Silence will be observed for a period.
R: Amen.
C: Amen.
Mary Kathryn Larsen, reader
Amen (from "The Lilies of the Field)
Mixed Chorus
The Congregation is asked to join in.
God of Our Fathers
Hymn 718
Postlude: Overture for Trumpets
Purcell
Symphonic Brass and Percussion with organ
As the Congregation leaves, please take a candle with you. Take light
into the darkness.
****
By 6:45 the church was packed. Extra chairs had been brought in
earlier and people were standing any place they could find. Gertie and the
crew had to run off more bulletins and still people came. While the
original intention was for this to be for Independence High School, parents
and grandparents, friends and neighbors came. The parish hall was filled
long before the time for the service to begin. The two remote units were
able to set up monitors and sound systems outside so people stood in the
street and on the lawn.
If there had ever been any doubt about the talent at Independence, it
should have vanished. I knew that "Forgive Our Sins" needed to be a part of
this service, but also knew it was not known by many people. In fact, no
one in the mixed chorus had ever heard of it. You would never have known
that from the performance Paula got out of them. The speeches were all
excellent and all done without notes. Luke almost scared me to death when
he opened with the statement, "I too, have attempted to take my life, but I
was more fortunate than Gregory. I failed. My reason.... " My heart skipped
a dozen beats in a half second. "...is unimportant." He then talked about
the suicide rate among gay teens and how the cause was not their sexuality,
but the treatment they received from peers, parents, teachers and society
in general. He then addressed the treatment Gregory had received while a
student at Independence. When Alexander took his place to begin the Litany
of Repentance, every person in the church knelt. I learned later that those
in the street and on the lawn did the same.
Ms. Jones showed all of us a side of Gregory that we had not allowed
ourselves to get to know. And now it was too late.
Michael's speech was impassioned, direct, and hard hitting. He had
really gotten a hold on the idea of the equality of everyone in regard to
their rights.
Greywolf spoke of the failure of the faculty to curb--no, not
tolerate--harassment, prejudice, and discrimination. He did not leave out
parents or the community. He certainly made it clear that treating bigots
as heroes or exempt from the law cannot be countenanced by a community, a
school or a family.
Larry hit hard at the position churches take in regard to people who
are different. I thought he came very close to outing himself he was so
passionate about what he was saying. Obviously he was a very religious
person who had suffered greatly at the hands of religious bigots but he
managed to say all that without saying why. And, of course, I really didn't
know why, but I too, had seen him look at Eugene and had noticed Eugene's
glances at Larry and I was almost positive they were a couple.
The only real levity of the whole evening came when Linda attempted to
answer the question "What is a man?" Her sarcasm was a welcome break, but
also doubly strong for those of us who had heard her story only yesterday.
Well, it was over. Students were standing in small groups, holding
candles and talking quietly. Gradually they started drifting off, many arm
in arm, men as well as women, as they had been after the assembly.
"Gregory," I thought, "you have accomplished more by your death than
many accomplish in a lifetime." My eyes filled with tears as I thought of
how he suffered that some of us might become more fully human and uttered a
prayer for him and thanksgiving for his life.
As I walked back into the church, I saw Eugene and Paula and assured
them that I would have them at my recital if I had to fight the whole
school board. As I was taking off my vestment, Luke came up behind me and
put his arms around me and gave me a kiss. "Luke, you have scared me to
death tonight, but I was so proud of you. You are a wonderful human being
and I feel so very, very lucky that you love me."
He took me into his arms, kissed me again, and said, "No more lucky
than I am that you love me, Sarang Hanun Pomul." As we walked out of the
church, a TV reporter came up and asked if I had been the organist. When I
told her I was, she said she had taken organ for many years and thought she
was qualified to judge an organist. "You are really very, very good. And I
want you and all the students who put together tonight's service to know
that it was very powerful and moving to someone as hardened as I think I
have become. And all this was done after school today?"
"Yes, it kinda followed a student rebellion over comments our
principal made."
"That's what I understood from Mr. Greywolf. From your hair I
wouldn't be surprised if he were your father."
"Yes, I am Matthew Greywolf."
"And you, young man?"
"Luke Larsen."
"Luke, what you said was very moving. Well, I've got to go. We're
doing a long segment on today's events during the 10 o'clock news unless we
can get the news director to let us start at 9:30. We have enough take to
go for a full hour, but you never know what is and is not news until the
news director tells you. Again, the students of Independence should be
very proud of themselves in spite of the tragedy which brought out the
concern and talent. Well, Good night."
"Good night." I knew it was dark, but I failed to realize just how late
it was. It was almost 8:30 already. The buses had taken kids back to school
and the parking lot was even empty. Luke and I continued walking arm in arm
to the Jeep. As soon as we were inside, he immediately started letting down
my hair as he pulled my body to his and we exchanged a deep, passionate
kiss. "Luke, I love you, Man, I love you." He answered with another kiss.
I think we were both just about exhausted by the events of the day
since we rode in silence, his arm around my shoulder, my hand on his
thigh. Just before we reached his house he suddenly said, "Man, it is 8:30
already and all I have had since lunch was a slice of pizza. I'm starved."
"Gabrielle will have the cure for that in a few minutes," I laughed as
we pulled into his drive.
Yong Jin was helping Gabrielle get supper ready. Jens was nowhere in
sight. "Where's everybody?" Luke asked.
"Greywolf and Coach Allan had to drive the buses back to
school. Michael and Mary Kathryn took the bus back to school and David and
Margaret went to get them and Greywolf since I drove the car home to help
Gabrielle. Jens called and said he would be late getting home since he got
back from Jackson later than he planned and still had to take some things
by the office. Everyone should be here soon," Gabrielle said.
"We're going to my room after we get washed up. Call when you're ready
for us.
"Just what makes you think we'll ever be ready for you two," Gabrielle
laughed.
"Because we're so darn cute," Luke quipped.
We went upstairs, washed up and went to Luke's room. He closed the
door behind him and dragged me to his bed. "Babe, I have been thinking
about you all day, even with all the excitement. He lay down on top of me,
covered my lips with his and started deep kissing me, his tongue exploring
my mouth. As the kiss became more and more passionate, I could feel his
hardness pressing against my own. He started grinding into me as my hips
rose to meet his. Before we knew it, we were dry humping each other like
mad. "God, Matt, I want your body so bad."
"Babe, I want yours too. I need your body."
"Luke, Matt," Gabrielle called from downstairs.
"A mother's voice can be added to the means of keeping it slow and
easy," I laughed. It took us a while to get presentable, otherwise our
manhood would have announced our approach since we both had tents large
enough for a family in our baggy pants.
When we got downstairs, everyone was seated around the table except
Michael and Mary Kathryn who were in the den. When they came in they were
excited. "The Lexington station just announced they were doing an hour and
a half special report on Independence's protest and tonight's service. The
announcer said it had originally been scheduled for 9:00, but due to
technical difficulties it had been delayed until 10:00.
"I'm sure Greywolf and Yong Jin would also like to see the report,"
Gabrielle said.
Jens asked, "What's this about a protest and service? I've been out of
town two days and haven't watched tv. Tonight as I went to the office I
noticed TV equipment around St. Mary's, but didn't know what was going on.
Then as I was driving home I heard an announcement on the radio that there
would be news later about the events in Concord, but nothing more."
"This afternoon Mr. Gray announced that Gregory Burnette had committed
suicide and made some very derogatory remarks about him. Greywolf
protested...." Michael began.
"It must have really been bad for you to get bent out of shape,
Greywolf," Jens laughed. "But let's finish dinner then we'll see what the
news has to say about the whole thing."
I suspect those of us who had participated in the day's events were
emotionally drained; Jens was obviously tired as was David. Nonetheless,
Jens tried hard to play the cordial host, but got little response. He, of
course, was the only one in the dark about what had been going on at school
and St. Mary's. Come to think of it, he was the only one in the dark about
me and Luke. I looked around the table and just knew that I was the last
one to think about that since almost everyone was sneaking glances at me
and Luke. Supper was over quickly and we cleared the table and went into
the den. The TV was showing a teaser for a special report. After the usual
used car ads and a couple for toilet bowl cleaner and deodorant ads, the
opening credits began. A picture of the school was superimposed on the
Declaration of Independence and as the picture of the school faded,
pictures of people replaced it. The voice over said, "Today a small high
school in a neighboring town took seriously words from the Declaration of
Independence. Suddenly there was Michael speaking at St. Mary's saying,
"We all have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and we
have witnessed what happened when they were taken away from a fellow
student, Gregory Burnette."
"Wasn't Gregory that queer who was beaten up and abused by some school
kids some time ago?" Jens asked.
"Gregory was a young man who was beaten, abused and raped by some of
Independence's jocks, yes. And he was gay," Luke said.
"Well, why all the fuss this late in the game?" Jens asked.
"We were told today in assembly that he hanged himself in his bedroom
where he was living with an uncle because his parents disowned him," Luke
said. I could see Luke's clinched teeth and wanted to say, "Stay cool,
Babe," but I wasn't even sitting close to him.
A Special Place--Part-- Fourteen Luke
The reporter Matt and I had met earlier then came on the screen,
standing in front of St. Mary's. "This afternoon, Mr. Michael Gray was in a
school assembly when he was given a message that a former student, Gregory
Burnette, had committed suicide. Gregory, who was gay, was brutally abused,
beaten and sodomized by five students from Independence a few months ago.
When his parents learned he was gay, they disowned him. An uncle from
another state took him in. We talked with the uncle by phone earlier and
learned that Gregory had gone into deep depression but treatment seemed to
have been making some progress until students in his school learned last
week that he was gay. He was subjected to constant ridicule and verbal
abuse and slipped into deeper depression. This morning when his uncle went
to awaken him, he found him hanging from a rope in his bedroom."
I felt some of the same feeling and emotions I had experienced earlier
rising in me. I needed Matt to hold me again, but that was not possible. I
sat, hugging my knees to myself, wanting to leave the room, but also
wanting to stay.
The reporter continued, "When Mr. Gray announced Gregory's death, he
is reported to have said students should take Gregory's death as a warning
not to choose to live as perverts. 'Those who make that choice,' he is
reported to have said, 'should expect pay the high price normal people
would demand of them'. Mr. Patanka St. Michael Greywolf, a senior faculty
member and physics teacher at Independence, interrupted the assembly with
Lakota war whoops and bounded on the stage demanding that Gray go to his
office after appointing Ms. Constance Jones acting principal. Gray was
reluctant to leave, but finally did so. Greywolf pointed out to this
reporter that Gray was making statements which were not only in conflict
with the Declaration of Independence, but also violated the policy of the
school system regarding bigotry and use of derogatory words and names."
Dad looked at Greywolf and said, "Why don't you think what Gray said
was right? Society does extract a high price of perverts and I think they
should expect that."
"Greywolf simply said, "Jens, gays have the same rights as you and
I. I guess we could count ourselves lucky that we were born heterosexual."
So far I was managing to hold onto my emotions and myself, but it was
getting harder. I saw Matt looking at me with a very worried look on his
face.
"Born heterosexual? Everyone is born heterosexual. Some just choose to
be otherwise."
I opened my mouth to answer, but before I could, Mom spoke up, "Jens,
even the church says that people are born gay. They do not choose to be gay
or straight."
Dad didn't answer. The TV reporter had told about Michael's
announcement of a service of repentance and memorial for Gregory while Dad
was talking and he missed that. "The service was scheduled for 7:00 and by
6:45 St. Mary's church and parish hall were filled to overflowing. Our TV
crew and one from Jackson set up monitors and sound equipment outside where
at least an additional six or seven hundred people listened and
watched. The service, which had been put together by students under the
guidance of Fr. Thomas Moore of St. Mary's, Rabbi Irvin Feldstein of Temple
Bethel, the Rev. Dr. Roger Whitfield of First United Methodist Church, and
the Rev. Miriam McDougall of First Presbyterian Church, was entirely
student led. Music was provided by the high school's brass and percussion
ensemble and mixed chorus. Matthew Greywolf, who is the organist at
St. Mary's and a student at Independence did an excellent job, and that
comes from someone who took organ for years. With the exception of Ms.
Constance Jones, who knew Gregory exceptionally well, Mr. Greywolf, and
Coach Macon Allan, who apologized to the student body earlier for remaining
silent when the men's locker room was, in his words, a 'cesspool of
prejudice and hatred', the speakers were students."
"Our intention is to bring you the service without interruption. A
reminder, the service is divided into two parts. The first part is a
service of penitence which the students felt was needed since many felt
they had, by action or inaction, contributed to Gregory's death. The second
part of the service is a memorial service for Gregory. Before we start,
there is one final note. Gregory's body was cremated and his ashes
disposed of without a service. In a very real sense, tonight's service is
the only service acknowledging the tragic life and death of this young
man. Now we will go to St. Mary's Church in Concord for the service by
students of Independence High School."
I knew I couldn't endure what was coming without support. When I
looked up, I saw Matt looking at me. He had an even more troubled and
worried look on his face. At this point I didn't care what anyone
thought. I got up, walked over to Matt and sat between his legs. I felt his
hand on my hair and was comforted. When I moved, Mary Kathryn got up and
went and sat between Michael's legs. Dad seem oblivious to our move, thank
goodness. I noticed, however, nothing escaped Mom--it never does--who
looked at Michael and Mary Kathryn with a kind of 'aha' look on her face,
then smiled.
The camera focused on Matt at the organ as the prelude began. When
Angile stepped up and started the psalm the response was thunderous. I'm
sure St. Mary's had never witnessed the responses to a psalm which shook
the roof before. Anyone would be hard pressed to prove the chorus had
never seen "Forgive Our Sins as We Forgive" two hours before they sang.
When I started speaking, Dad turned to me and said, "Luke, a lot of
people
know you tried to take your life and while I still don't know why, why did
you
have to announce it? In fact, why did you take part in this whole service?
People
will think you're a pervert." I felt Matt's hand pressing down on my head
as if to
say, "Luke, stay cool." But I was becoming less cool all the time. As my
speech
continued, Dad's face grew more and more disapproving, but at least he
said
nothing.
I looked around the room and saw tears in the eyes of everyone except
Dad as my speech drew to a close. As Alexander led the litany of
repentance, Dad commented that he didn't see why so many students felt the
need to repent since only five boys had actually harmed Gregory. David
finally spoke up and said, "Jens, sticks and stones only break bones, but
words cut to the quick. They can kill." Dad did not respond.
Everyone was silent as the service went on until Mary Kathryn started
the commendation. Before she had opened her mouth Dad said, "You too? I
can't understand all this carrying on about a pervert who killed
himself. It is sad, yes, but you all had nothing to do with it. His parents
kicked him out, the judge didn't take his mistreatment very seriously and
maybe he should have, but all this seems too much. He was a pervert."
"Jens, you have visited the concentration camps in Germany and you
wept tears there. The Jews were not the only victims of German silence in
the face of Hitler. Thousands of gay men were gassed as well because, as
the students at Independence, Germans did nothing, said nothing. I wasn't
born when that happened, but I still feel guilty because my parents
supported Hitler and kept silent. Your children did the right thing. The
students at Independence did the right thing, they repented for having
helped bring about the death of a young man by keeping silent. I am very
proud of all four of the children in this family for taking a major role in
what I believe will be a new beginning for their school," Mom said.
"I guess if it had to do with race or gender, even religion, I might
understand it, but Gabrielle, this boy was a pervert. He is in hell right
now because he chose to have sex with men."
I finally had enough and even though I could feel Matt trying to hold
me down, I had to speak. "Dad, can't you understand? First of all, if
Gregory had sex with another man, it was only one, not men. No one knew he
was gay until his lover, for whatever reason, broke up with him and to make
his life miserable, told everyone he was gay. The only other time he had
sex with men was when he was raped. Can you understand that? He was RAPED!
After being abused in every possible way, beaten almost to death, he was
RAPED. Why? Because God, for whatever reason, created him gay. He didn't
choose to be gay. Why would anyone choose a lifestyle which would subject
him to such abuse as happened to Gregory? He was not insane. In fact, he
was a brilliant kid. He did not choose!" I was standing, shouting and
crying when I finished.
"Jens, I think you need to talk to your priest about your own church's
understanding of homosexuality. Even the American Bishops have said people
do not choose to be gay, they just are," Greywolf said in a very soothing
voice. It had no effect. I had seen Dad this way before. He would either
have to admit he was wrong or dig in his heels. There was no question in my
mind what he would do.
"Well, you can say what you will. Perverts are a pest to society and
so far as I am concerned, society owes them nothing and they have no right
to expect other than what they receive. And Luke and Mary Kathryn, I am
ashamed of you for having taken part in this whole mess. I will not have a
pervert around me. I know the church may say a lot, but the bottom line is
that perverts will burn in hell unless their life here is made so miserable
they choose to live as God intended them to live. They are damned and I
will have nothing to do with them and that is that!" shouted Dad.
As I once said, the one part of me that I hate most is that my anger
can boil over as does Dad's. I lost all control. Matt was practically
pulling me backwards, trying to get me to sit down. I might have been able
to take what Dad was saying about me, but he was also talking about Matt
and that was too much. I would not be like Dad. I would not shout. In an
apparently calm and reasonable voice I said, "Then I guess you'll have
nothing to do...."
"No, Luke, no!" Mom and Matt exclaimed together. I paid no heed.
"I guess you'll have nothing to do with me then because I am gay and I
am deeply in love with Matt Greywolf who loves me in return."
Dad looked stunned for a few seconds then lunged at Matt, grabbed him
by the hair and hit him in the face twice as he shouted, "You God damned
queer. You have made my son into a pervert, a hell-bound faggot!" He drew
back to hit Matt again, who was already covered with blood, but was
restrained by Michael and David.
In her go-to-your-room-and-stay-until-I-tell-you-to-come-out voice,
Mom said, "Jens, go to our room. I will deal with you later." Dad left the
room without comment. Dad is lord and master of the house until Mom puts
her foot down. When that happen--and it seldom does--we all know to obey
without question!
I was crying my eyes out and trying to get to Matt, but Margaret and
David were examining him. Greywolf had gone into the kitchen and returned
with a plastic bag of ice. Yong Jin was hugging Michael and Mary Kathryn,
both of whom were in tears. Mom came and held me tight as I sobbed and
shook.
David had gone outside and returned with his first aid kit and he and
Margaret started cleaning up Matt. "Well, Matt has a bloody nose, but it is
not broken. He's got a small cut on the lower lip--no kissing for a day or
two, Luke--and he had a cut on his other cheek which will probably match
the one from the barbed wire. Oh, and he will have a major shiner tomorrow
morning. Other than that he is physically ok. Right Matt?"
"As right as I can be, I guess, having just been put on a no-kiss
diet! Well, Luke my Yonghon Tongmu, I guess that blows the 'never out
yourself to your parents when you're angry' rule and gives you a free
evening since I don't think you'll need to tell Jens you're gay tomorrow
night."
We both started laughing like crazy. Partly it was pent-up emotions
being vented and partly it was the fact that what we had dreaded and
worried about was over. Luke was finally able to get through the medical
profession--David and Margaret--and while he couldn't kiss me on the lips,
he certainly covered my face and neck.
"I guess I'm not half as shocked as I thought I would be to see my
sons showing their affection and love," Gabrielle said with a laugh.
"Luke, Matt, I won't attempt to apologize for Jens. What he has done is
inexcusable. I only hope and trust that his love for you two which I know
he has, and think you know too, will win--maybe in the short run, maybe in
the long run--but love will win out."
"Mom, it is hard to believe he loves either me or Matt right now. But
if anyone believes in the power of love, it has to be Matt and me."
"And I can only say 'Amen' to that, Gabrielle," Matt said through
swollen lips.
"After today, I know I want to work harder at having a forgiving
spirit, Gabrielle, and I know that is true of the four kids. Things will
work out, I know they will. They have to. Matt and Luke know that
friendship is not something to be lost if there is any way to prevent
it. We all love Jens, but I'll admit, right now I think he is a real
grade-A son of a bitch and bigot," Greywolf said.
"Gabrielle, I think it would be best if Luke went with me tonight. He
can stay as long as he needs," David said.
Matt looked at me and said "I see what I saw earlier in the day when
we went to the falls, Luke. I know you do not need to be anywhere other
than in my arms tonight. David, I think Luke can come to your place
tomorrow, but tonight he's sleeping in my bed in my arms."
"Matt, I think you are absolutely right," Margaret said. "And I think
it might be a good idea for Mary Kathryn to spend the night with David or
the Greywolfs as well."
"And Mom, just to complete the revelations for the night, Michael and
I are also a couple. We, as Matt and Luke, loved each other for a while,
but Michael was too chicken to take me on until last Christmas. We have
kept it a secret because we didn't want restrictions which would interfere
with our friendship. And while it looks as if we will have to supply the
grand-kids for the entire family, we are not going to get an early start on
that so don't worry." Leave it to Mary Kathryn to find the light side of
even a pretty terrible situation.
"Well, in the light of the latest revelation, what can I say? Luke is
gay and in love with one of the most wonderful men I know. I might wish he
weren't gay, but I could not wish for a more wonderful companion for
him. And who, especially after what I saw tonight, could desire a better
man for a daughter than Michael Andrews. Mary Kathryn and I hugged Mom and
she kissed both of us, then hugged Matt and Michael and gave them a kiss as
well. "It's time you all were on your way. I know it has been an exhausting
day even without this latest episode. Now I'll deal with the Dane in the
other room."
After our good nights, we all left. Mom and Dad drove their car, Luke
drove my Jeep so I could keep the ice on my eye, and Michael and Mary
Kathryn rode with us. On the way home it was decided that the Gang of Four
really needed to be together tonight and when Yong Jin came upstairs in the
morning, all four of us were in Matt's bed. She announced, as she came into
the room, "I hope you three guys have on more than you usually wear". We
laughed and didn't answer.