Date: Sun, 11 Mar 2001 15:17:41 -0500
From: Sequoyah <sequoyahs-place@home.com>
Subject: A Special Place--Part Forty-six

		      A Special Place--Part Forty-six
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				 Comments

Only days before Sequoyah and his partner land in Oz and say "Thank you" in
person to AH and GT, my sons in Oz. You, as a reader, also owe them a
heartfelt thanks for their devoted work on ASP.

A note is always appreciated: sequoyahs-place@home.com.


Sequoyah

		   A Special Place--Part Forty-six--Luke

I hit the snooze button on the alarm clock three times and, before it went
off again, there was a knock on the door. Recalling having been caught with
my pants down--actually off--the night before, I yelled, "Just a minute". I
crawled out of bed, grabbed a towel and tied it around my waist. "Come in,
it's open," I yelled.

Janet opened the door and came in. "Don't you ever lock your door?" she
asked.

"Forgot. Never lock it at home," I replied, still half asleep.

"Well, you better remember. You never know who might come in and catch you
in your birthday suit. And now you better get a move on if you expect to
eat breakfast. We have to be in the studio in an hour."

I dashed into the bathroom--thank goodness we each had our own--took a very
quick shower and shaved. Maybe I'd leave off shaving while I was here. When
I finished, I tied a towel around myself again and went looking for
something to wear. "Better look the other way unless you want to appreciate
my glorious body--which you can see, but not touch," I laughed as I snagged
a pair of boxers and pulled them on. When I was dressed, I grabbed my
sketch pad and my pencil box as we had been told we'd begin work with
pencils. Then Janet and I were off.

After breakfast, we went to the studio where we were to meet our instructor
and get the details of the program. The dark-haired instructor who had sat
with us last night was head of our group. "I'm Rich Smith, but call me
Rich," he said, "You are all high school students--actually most of you
have just graduated, congrats on making it--and probably had minimal art
training and study. Accordingly, you will spend your first half of the
program with me working on drawing and painting. We will begin drawing
using pencil, charcoal, the usual. Then those of you who are ready will
move to painting, going from acrylics to oils and, finally, watercolor."

"I've looked at the work you submitted as a part of your application and
know that all of you are talented or you wouldn't be here. That's the good
news. The bad news is that you range from pretty good to pretty bad so far
as technique is concerned. Within reason, you will work at your own pace,
beginning where you are and moving ahead. For those of you who are pretty
advanced, you can be on your own, doing whatever you like after the morning
session. For those of you who are not so advanced, you will be here in the
afternoon as well. Questions?"

A guy with red, green and orange spiked hair and a nose ring asked, "Do you
mean that if we're good enough, we are free all afternoon?"

"Glad you asked that. You are ...?"

"Douglas."

"... because that's not what I mean. I mean that if you are advanced enough
and complete the assigned projects in the morning, you are free to create
and work on your own projects in the afternoon. You can paint, sculpt,
whatever, but you have to be working on your art. All studios are open to
all students in the afternoon. Just be sure to identify yourself when you
go to another studio and make sure I think it's ok for you to do so."

"As I said, I looked at the work you submitted with your application and
have a general idea of how good you are, but I want to have another look at
what you can do. I want a pencil drawing of your hand--the one you do not
use drawing of course. When you finish, I will have a better idea of where
you are in your art. Questions? Then go to it."

I had done pencil drawing ever since I could remember so I flipped open my
sketch pad, put my left hand, palm up, beside it and started drawing. As I
worked away, I saw Rich walking about the studio, looking over the
shoulders of the artists at work. When I first started working with
Mr. Stephenson he really bugged me doing that, but gradually I got to where
I seldom knew he was there. So it was when Rich came by. He passed by
without comment. I had just about finished my drawing--I was using a very
soft pencil and smudged the lines with my finger to give texture and shades
of gray to the drawing--and when I was satisfied, I turned my hand over and
started drawing the back. Strange, my hand was always there at the end of
my arm but, as I drew it the second time, I realized I was seeing things I
had never noticed before--a blood vessel, a small scar, a broken nail. I
was fascinated.

I had just about finished drawing the back side of my hand when Rich said,
"When you finish, you may take a break. Be back at 10:45 for the critique."
I finished in about five minutes, stood up, stretched and headed for the
restroom and grabbed a Coke out of a machine. I looked at my watch and saw
I had half an hour before I had to be back, so I decided to go outside. I
sat on a bench in the shade knowing what the bright Florida sun would do to
my skin. I needed to use sunscreen every morning or I would end up a mess
because I wasn't about to stay inside all the time.

Janet came out and joined me a few minutes after I sat down. I was deep in
thought and I guess she sensed it because she didn't say anything for a
while then said, "A penny for your thoughts".

I smiled at her and said, "I bet you'd never guess. I was wondering if Matt
had reached Sewanee yet. He had to check in by noon today so he should be
there. I was just hoping he is safe and sound. This is the first time we
have been separated and I miss him so much. I guess I miss him especially
because I know he's so far away."

"Where would you like to be with him right now--I mean other than in bed!"

"I'd prefer not being in bed, thank you! I'd like to be with him at the
falls, swimming, playing around and maybe making love."

"What's so great about the falls?"

"It's a special place," I replied and started telling her all about the
falls--from the time the family discovered them until our skip day. "The
falls are a special place in a thousand ways, but they are very, very
special because Matt and I made love--all the way--for the first time
there." I didn't go into detail about our love making, but I did tell her
about the candles and making love as the sun rose. "God, I miss my Dark
Angel, my Sarang Hanun Pomul," I sighed.

We almost forgot to go back to class, but managed to rush in at exactly
10:45. "There's a table in the center of the room. I want all of you to put
your drawings on the table and gather round it so we can talk about them,"
Rich said as soon as we walked in.

When everyone had gathered around the table, Rich asked, "What sticks out
in your mind about the exercise?" I was surprised when students started
talking about how hard it had been or how easy. I hadn't thought about
that. I don't think I ever do; I just draw. Finally I said, "What really
struck me was how I had never seen my hand before. I mean, of course, I had
seen it, but not really. I saw things I never noticed."

"Anyone else feel that way?" he asked. A couple other students nodded their
heads.

"One of the things which separates good artists from poor artists is the
ability to observe, to see, and to see things in the familiar you have
never seen before. Open your eyes and you will be surprised," he
laughed. "Now look at the drawings and tell me what you notice."

"Some people drew the back of the hand--most in fact--some drew the palm
side and that guy..."

"I'm Luke," I said.

"Luke. He drew both." It was Douglas speaking.

"Trying to impress the instructor?" Rich asked. I didn't know what to make
of this guy. Maybe I was being thin-skinned, but he seemed to want to make
sure I knew I wasn't very good.

"Just following instructions," I replied with more than a note of sarcasm
in my voice. "You said draw my hand and it has two sides."

Rich ignored my remark and started talking about the drawings on the
table. "Notice," he said, "each of you have a style and a particular
technique. Some are very realistic while others are highly stylized--here's
one bordering on cubism. Some look like anatomical drawing. Luke's looks
more like a charcoal approach than pencil due to his using his fingers to
smudge the drawing." He continued to point out things about the drawings
then said, "For the second half of the morning session, I want you to team
up in pairs and draw your partner's hand. Again, draw the one he or she is
not using so both of you are drawing at the same time. And, this time, use
a different technique. Go to it. Try to finish by 12:30 so we can have a
critique before the session ends at 1:00. During the critique I'll tell you
whether or not I want you back this afternoon.

Before you could say "scat!", Janet grabbed my hand and said, "We're
partners, Luke."

Try drawing with one hand and holding the other still. It's not easy. This
time I selected a harder pencil and drew Janet's hand in a style that
looked like an engraving, very detailed. It took much longer than the
previous one and I had just finished when Rich said, "Take two more minutes
if you need them. As soon as you finish, put your drawings on the table and
return to your places." Janet finished a minute later and we put our
drawings on the table.

Rich moved the drawings around and asked the class to compare them with the
previous ones and decide which drawing belonged to whom.

Matching some were easy--the techniques and styles showed little
change. Three, however, kept being shifted around. "Ok," Rich said, "if
your two are not together, make the changes. Douglas, Janet and I all
changed ours. Douglas had used the same technique I had used on my first
one although his style was clearly different. Janet had done a much more
abstract piece than her first which was like an anatomical
drawing. "Clearly the three drawings which were confusing illustrate an
important point. Each artist has a style that is his or her own. However,
each of you needs to have a pallet of techniques. If you will look closely
at the six drawings which were confused, you can see the artist's style
even though the techniques are vastly different. Well, that concludes
today's session. Several of you mentioned the fact that you arrived late
yesterday after a long trip so why don't you take the afternoon off to get
settled and get some rest? Tomorrow we'll begin the afternoon sessions.

As we were leaving, Douglas asked me and Janet, "How'd you guys like to
spend the afternoon at the beach? I live in Crescent Beach and am staying
at home so I have my car here."

"Sounds great to me," Janet said. "I need to work on a tan if I'm going
back to school next fall after six weeks in Florida."

"I'd love it provided we can get some sunscreen on the way. Otherwise I
will be burned to a crisp. A tan I have never had and never expect to
have."

Douglas went to the dorm with us and we picked up towels and swim wear and
soon we were on our way to the beach. Douglas had picked out an isolated
stretch--I was surprised that such existed--and had a beach umbrella. I had
pulled on some long pants and a shirt, knowing what would happen if I got
too much sun. When I stripped to my trunks and started putting on
sunscreen, Janet said, "Let me do that." I may be gay, but the way she was
putting on the sunscreen got my attention! I noticed Douglas giving us a
funny look and thought I might need to speak to him and definitely I needed
to talk to Janet. She was coming on very strong and while it was not a
temptation--well, not really--someone rubbing your thighs all the way up to
your equipment is bound to get a rise out of a horny eighteen year old.

We had a grand time even though I spent most of it in the shade of the
umbrella. Even after that and the sunscreen, I was a bit pink from the
reflection from the water when we got back to the dorm.

It was time for dinner by the time we had changed and I asked Douglas to
eat with us and he did. We talked a blue streak through dinner and on the
way back to the dorm. Janet thanked us for a great afternoon and went down
the hall to her room. I invited Douglas in for a Coke.

When we were inside, I told him I wanted to apologize for thinking he was a
nut because of the hair and nose ring. "No need to apologize," he
said. "You have to expect people to think you're weird if you look weird. I
don't, really, in my school. I come here for art classes and am an artist,
and students in my fine arts magnet school are going to look pretty much as
I do--or worse! But I want to ask you a question--well, it's kinda
personal..."

"Feel free," I said.

"How long have you known Janet?"

"I met her on the plane. Why?"

"I find her very attractive, but I thought she was your girlfriend. I mean
she acts like it."

"Yea, I know. She sure is coming on strong. It's kinda embarrassing and
puts me in a hard spot."

"A spot wouldn't be the only thing hard if she gave me a massage like she
gave you with the sunscreen."

"You don't have to tell me about that!" I laughed.

"I really wondered because I couldn't help but notice that when I came in
with you earlier," he said, nodding toward the photo beside my bed.

"That's a photo of a painting from the exhibition Janet and Rich were
talking about last night."

"If I'm wrong, tell me, but I don't think you'd have a photo of a painting
by your bed unless the subject was important. I mean..."

"You mean you think the subject is special."

"Yea."

"Well, you're right. That's a painting of Matt Greywolf and there is no-one
on earth more special than Matt. To answer your question--which you haven't
asked--I'm gay and Matt is the love of my life. Hope that doesn't mean we
can't be friends, but that's the way it is."

"Hey, so long as you don't hit on me, I'm fine with it. But what's with
this Janet chick? When are you going to tell her?"

"She knows. That's the reason I can't understand her coming on so
strong--and she is, isn't she? I mean I am not totally inexperienced around
women and I think I know when I am being hit on."

"Take it from one who is very much into women. You're being hit on big
time."

"What do you think I should do about it? I mean she knows I'm gay. She
knows I am so in love with Matt I tried to kill myself when I thought I'd
never have his love and she still comes on strong."

"Suspect she is testing you. Lot of women believe a guy who claims to be
gay really wants a woman. You'd be a feather in her cap if she could make
you straight or maybe just make you! I'd love to take her off your hands,
but I don't know what you should do. Maybe talk to her and tell her you'd
like to be friends, but can't if she keeps hitting on you." We talked a
while longer about the Janet situation and then the talk drifted to usual
teenage things. He was surprised I didn't know the music he liked and even
more surprised at what I liked. We talked about school and our fears about
next year. All that kind of stuff.

When he left, I went downstairs where there were two computers in an alcove
and wrote a long e-mail which I sent to everyone about the trip down, our
first session and the afternoon on the beach. I didn't say too much about
Janet in that, but I wrote Matt a separate one:

"Dark angel, My Love and My Life,

I miss you so much! I want your arms around me. I want to be in that
special world you create for us with your hair. I want to smell the
fragrance of my Matt. Only one day has passed and already I am ready to
come to you.

Janet, whom I mentioned in the general letter, seems to have taken me on as
a project. She wants my body! She knows about us, but is still coming on
strong. Not to worry, she's no competition for my Sarang Hanun Pomul!"

The rest of the e-mail was just an outpouring of my love for my Matt.

I went back upstairs, undressed and slipped into bed. I lay there thinking
about the day and about what I was going to say to Janet. Finally, I went
to sleep to dream of my Dark Angel.

I woke up in the middle of the night without knowing why at first, then I
realized I had had a wet dream. It had been so long I almost forgot about
them. I cleaned myself and the bed, then went back to sleep to be awakened
by the damn alarm clock. This time I got up right away and was dressed when
Janet knocked on my door.

That second day Rich had us drawing a series of still-lifes he had set
up. Again I thought he was overly critical of my work, and also that of
Janet and Douglas. It was surely obvious by the end of the morning session
that we were by far the best students he had so I didn't understand what
was going on. I'll admit I was getting more than a little pissed.

After the final critique, he told most of the students he wanted them to
return at 2:30. Others he told about other studios where they could
work. Then he said, "Luke, Douglas and Janet, I would like to speak with
you before you leave".

Everyone grabbed their materials and dashed out the door. When they were
gone, Rich said, "How would you three like to have lunch with me? I'd like
to discuss some things with you."

We all nodded and picked up our materials. As we left the building, Janet
reached out and took my hand again. This time I nodded to Douglas and he
took her other hand. I didn't want to embarrass Janet, but she needed to
know that I wasn't interested--which she should have known anyway.

As we walked, Rich pointed out other buildings and studios. I asked him
about sculpting and especially casting using the lost wax process. He
promised to introduce me to someone who would be willing to help me with my
interest.

As soon as we had gotten our lunch, Rich led us to a table that was a bit
isolated from the general noise in the cafeteria. "I wanted to talk with
you three because you are by far the most advanced in the class. Janet, you
and Douglas are good, very good, so don't get me wrong when I say I don't
expect anyone in the class to reach the point where Luke is starting. Maybe
you two - you are very good, but Luke is light years ahead of all of
us--myself included. That doesn't mean I can't teach you a few things,
Luke, it just means you have had damn good teachers ..."

"Teacher," I corrected him.

"... a damn good teacher, and have worked hard at your art."

I decided I'd discuss my bruised ego and asked, "Sunday night you said you
had seen the tape of my exhibition and I had some fairly good stuff. That
didn't sound like you thought much of it. Then yesterday and today you have
been very critical of our work and especially mine."

Rich laughed, "Bruised your ego did I? You did have some fairly good
stuff. Most all of it was excellent. I guess I was a bit jealous and a bit
frightened. This is my first year teaching and when I saw the tape I was a
bit up-tight at the idea of teaching someone who could put that
together. Friends?" He extended his hand.

I smiled, shook his hand and said, "Friends".

"I'll repeat myself. It's not that I don't think I can't teach you
something. I know I can. But I also know that I will never be the artist
you are at ... how old are you?"

"Eighteen. I was eighteen the last day of May."

"One question I'd like to ask--you don't have to answer if you don't want
to--but the painting of the Indian in a room all by itself ..."

Janet looked at me. As she did, my mind was racing a mile a minute. Did I
want to answer or not? Did I want to be honest or not? I didn't know.

"... was really something. There was something very special about it. I
actually borrowed the tape to look at your 'fairly good stuff' and focused
on the series of paintings called "The Family" and the sculpture. It is
very obvious to me that these are people you love very deeply. I was struck
by the fact that the same person appeared in those two and then, unless I
am mistaken, is the subject of the one by itself. Care to say something
about him?"

Janet started to say something and I shot her glance. Did I want to out
myself to Rich, as I had done with Janet and Douglas? I wasn't sure. "He's
my brother," I said. "Well, not a blood brother." I then started telling
him about the Family.

"That explains the series and the sculpture. Hope what you have just said
was in the catalogue," Rich said.

"It was," I told him.

"Well, it's a marvelous painting. Did any dealers see your show?" he asked.

I told him they had and how much had been sold. When I mentioned how much I
had earned, all three whistled.

"Did the painting of the Indian--Matt, you said ..."

"Luke, tell them his name," Janet said.

"Matthew Sarang Hanun Pomul Greywolf," I said. "His middle name is a Korean
one given to him by his father," I laughed. "His mother is half-Korean and
has never told anyone whether it is good Korean or not. It means 'Beloved
Treasure'."

"Did the painting of Matt sell?"

"It was not and is not for sale," I said.

"Oh," Rich said and dropped the subject. "There was a montage in the
exhibition. Now that would be what I call fairly good stuff."

I had to laugh. "Didn't rate it that high but, damn, you know what? It
sold."

We all four laughed. "Well, no-one said taste and money go together,"
Douglas said. "You should see the trash my mom and dad have spent thousands
on. I mean real trash. The worse it is the more they are convinced the
artist is a misunderstood genius. Luke, do you have the tape of the
exhibition?"

"No, but I do have a CD of the concert held in conjunction with it. Like to
hear it?"

"Don't let him kid you, he has a stack of them," Janet said. "And he has a
video of it as well.

They asked about the concert and when I was about halfway through talking
about it, I noticed Rich half-smiling and maybe nodding his head.

"Well, back to why I wanted to talk with you three. First of all, I'd like
for you to be kind of assistants to me. If you don't mind, I will announce
to the class that you will be willing to work with individuals when you are
not working on your own projects. The second thing is that I want you to
know that I will often use your drawings to point out things I believe
could be improved because you are good and, Luke's ego aside, take
criticism. Many of the students in the class would probably be discouraged
by too much criticism, but could learn from my critique of your work. If I
say something with which you disagree, disagree. I'm not asking you to just
accept what I say, but do know I may appear to be picking on you. Ok?"

We all nodded.

"Rich, I'd love to see the video of the exhibition if I could," Douglas
said.

"Even if Rich could get a copy, I haven't see any place to play it except
in the lobby of the dorm and I don't think that would go over with the
others in the dorm very well. They're into chick flicks or blood and guts
and the VCR has been in use every time I've gone through the lobby," I
replied.

"What do you have planned for Friday evening?" Rich asked. Seems none of us
had given that any thought. "I'd like to see it again and the video of the
concert as well, if it's not just the usual high school kind of thing," he
said.

"It was good enough to be broadcast by the local PBS station and an audio
of excerpts--actually two original compositions--played nationally on
'Performance Today' on PBS. I think it's good--but I'm prejudiced."

"Would you three like to come over to my apartment for pizza Friday and
watch them? My room-mate would certainly enjoy the concert as he is a
musician." We agreed and he gave us directions--it was just off campus--and
we said we'd be there at 7:30.

Rich went his way and the three of us started back to the dorm. Again Janet
took my hand. I was getting very anxious about what she thought was going
on. She knew I was gay, so what was her problem?

When we got back to the dorm, I asked Janet to come to my room after she
had gone to her room and put her things away. Old cool Luke was not at all
cool. I didn't know how to start or what to say. Finally I just said,
"Janet, I think we need to talk".

"Talk," she responded.

"Please don't get me wrong and if I am out of line please tell me, but I am
becoming very uncomfortable around you."

"Why? What's the problem?"

"I don't know how to say this without appearing to be a complete
egotistical ass, but I know no other way to put it. You seem to be coming
on to me--holding hands and all that sort of thing. You know I'm gay. I'm
not interested in women. Well, that's not true. I love women as friends,
but that's it. I have never thought about women other than as
friends. Never once. I haven't even wondered what it would be like
to... you know... well, have sex with a woman.

"Didn't seem that way at the beach," she said. "I know you got hard when I
was putting sunscreen on your legs."

"Janet, I'm a horny eighteen-year-old. I suspect a girl ugly as sin playing
around Little Luke would get his attention. But if you have anything other
than friendship in mind, you need to forget it. It's not going to
happen. And even if I did want to give women a try, I wouldn't, I
couldn't. There is one love in my life and our pledge to each other is
faithful until death do us part. I hope I haven't read too much into your
actions or hurt you. I don't want to do that, but I want you to know
exactly where I stand."

Janet was silent for a while, her head down. When she looked up, there were
tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry Luke, I really am. To be honest, I guess I
was hoping you weren't sure about being gay and in love with Matt because I
do find you damn attractive. I really lied about breaking up with my
boyfriend. I was and am crushed by the break-up. He dumped me for another
girl. I loved him and he played with me until he got tired and moved
on. When I saw you and talked to you on the plane, you seemed like a dream
come true. Six weeks with you and I was sure we'd have something going. I
was wrong and knew it from the start, but I was grasping at straws. Now I
have messed up. I'm sorry."

"Janet, I meant it when I said I like having women friends. I enjoy talking
with you, being with you, but as a friend. If we can keep it that way, I'd
be pleased, but that's as far as it ever goes--ever."

"I understand, Luke, and I'm old enough to know that most love at first
sight is lust at first sight. So ... friends?"

"Friends," I said and hugged her.

As I did, she laughed and said, "But I still think you have a bod good
enough to eat with a spoon! Well, I think I'll go and drown my broken heart
in a Coke. I guess I need to write my mom as well."

"Don't want to push but I'll tell you Douglas, underneath that green, red
and orange hair seems like a great guy and he could really go for
you. Might want to give that some thought. I'm sure he'd be fun and, hey,
you have six weeks here."

"Thanks, Luke, for being so understanding. I want you as a friend and, when
you write that Korean Indian, tell him he's a damn lucky man." Janet kissed
me on the cheek and said, "Thanks for taking me seriously enough to set me
straight and not let me make a complete fool of myself".

"That's what friends do," I said and gave her a hug.

Before going to bed, I went downstairs and sent e-mails to everyone and a
special one to Matt. I decided I wouldn't tell him about my talk with
Janet. There was no reason to as far as I could see--and in a letter it
might not be clear that she was no temptation. As I wrote, I asked myself
if that were really true. I mean, had I really no interest in getting it on
with a girl? If I did it was buried so deep that I couldn't find it. No,
there was no temptation at all.

The evening at Rich's was great fun. His room-mate, Josh, seemed really
nice and made some ego-boosting comments about the exhibition. All three of
them raved about the painting of Matt. When I told them it had been
slashed, they wanted to know why and I thought I did a careful job of not
giving the real reason.

"I hope it can be restored," Douglas had said and I told him it had been.

That brought up Uncle Michael and when I said he was my agent, Rich said,
"Michael Sanders is your agent? I know artists old enough to be your
grandfather who would give their right arm to have him represent them. He
is one of the best-known in the country."

We took a break for the call of nature and then Rich put in the video of
the concert. I thought Josh had been looking at me kinda strange when the
painting of Matt had been shown and now I knew he was every so often. The
concert was long and we took a restroom break again at the
intermission. When the second half started, Josh said, "When Rich told me
about a video of a high school concert, I tried to think of an excuse to be
elsewhere, but those people are great, all of them. The organist is the guy
in the painting, isn't he?"

"Yea, he is," I answered. Before each selection, Larry had done a close-up
of the program and when "Yonghon Tongmu" came up, Rich asked about the
name. How was I going to get out of this? "It's Korean--at least it's
supposed to be--for heart's companion or soulmate," I said. As the piece
played I unconsciously started singing "More" when a singable version was
playing. I guess I got carried away because I suddenly realized all four of
the people in the room were looking at me.

I stopped singing and when the tape ended, Douglas said, "I don't know an
awful lot about music, but that was good. And, Luke, you really seemed to
get into that last piece."

"'More', on which it is based is a kind of theme song for the three
families that we call the family--those in the sculpture and the series of
paintings."

"Ok, I'm not going to beat about the bush any longer," Rich said. "Luke, it
is very obvious that the painting of Matt is very, very special--you even
said it was not for sale and never would be. Then there is an original
composition called soulmate. I wish you could have seen your face every
time Matt was shown in the video and especially while he was playing that
last piece. How off base am I in saying Yonghon Tongmu is none other than
Luke Larsen?"

I could feel my face turning red. As I blushed, Janet laughed and said,
"You definitely are a victim of a MGTD".

"Meaning just what?" Douglas asked.

"Matthew Greywolf transmitted disease," she laughed, "blushing. Luke told
me yesterday that anyone who stayed around Matt long caught the blushing
disease."

"Yes, I am Yonghon Tongmu," I said. "Matt and I are soulmates. Hope that is
no problem although I'm not sure I give a damn because if it is, it's your
problem."

"No need to be defensive," Josh said. "Rich and I have been a couple for
almost two years now. Lots of gay men and women here."

"Well, it was a problem for me," Janet said. "I saw this gorgeous hunk on
the plane and found out he was coming here and decided he was mine. So it
was a problem. He turned me down flat."

"No problem here. I'm not gay, but I can see if I were I'd go for this
Greywolf character. Even I can see he's some handsome dude," Douglas said.

"Be glad he's not here," I laughed--more out of relief than anything
else. "He'd crawl your case for calling him a dude." I looked at my watch
and saw it was late and said, "I don't know about the rest of you, but I
need my beauty sleep". Soon Douglas, Janet and I were walking across the
campus, holding hands as I taught them the words to "More".

When I got to my room, I brushed my teeth, undressed and slipped into
bed. I lay awake for a while wondering just what I had done by outing
myself--I had even done it not knowing it. "Luke, Yonghon Tongmu, you're
just going to have to realize you love that Korean Lakota so much you can't
hide it. Only five more weeks and I'll be with my warrior," I thought and
on that thought drifted off to sleep and to dream of being in Matt's arms.


A Special Place--Part Forty-six--Matt

The alarm clock woke me at 7:30. I was confused at first, not knowing where
I was, then remembered. I showered, got dressed, and checked out. I found a
place nearby for breakfast and, while I was eating, looked at the map. I
still had two-and-a-half or three hours to drive, but plenty of time to
make the noon deadline.

I reached the campus of the University of the South at 11:00 and had no
difficulty finding where I was to check in. A very pleasant woman welcomed
me to the campus and the conference then gave me my room assignment. "You
are the youngest participant we have so I have put you in a two-person
suite with another young man. He's twenty or twenty-one I think. You're an
organist?" I nodded. "So is he, so you'll have something to talk about."

When I got to the dorm where my suite was located, I grabbed some of my
things and went looking for my room. I found it, put my things down to
unlock the door and when I opened it, a very blond, tall, very good looking
guy was standing in the living area. "You must be Matthew," he said,
extending his hand to help with my things. "I am Lucas. Understand we are
the young dudes this summer and both organists. I took the room on the left
of the bathroom. If you'll give me your key, I'll unlock your door."

When we got inside, I put my things down and as we shook hands Lucas asked,
"Something wrong? You look like you saw a ghost!"

"It's just that you remind me so much of my best friend it's amazing, and
his name is Luke."

"Maybe we can be best friends too," he laughed. "This is your first time
here, right?" I nodded. "I've been coming for three years. Started when I
was eighteen. That's your age, right?" I nodded again, still in something
of a state of shock over how much he reminded me of Luke.

Recovering somewhat, I said, "Man, I can't get over how much you remind me
of Luke. Anyway, since you've been here before, maybe you can teach me the
ropes."

"Not much to it. That is, unless you get upset over being called the baby
organist. Some of the older folks get a kick out of that. You know, 'Young
buck doesn't know shit' implied, but never said. This is Sewanee you know,
the University of Southern Gentlemen and Ladies. Well, I'll let you get
unpacked. Guess you were told there's a reception at 7:00 with dinner at
7:30 and it's coat and tie--every night. This is Sewanee, you know. And you
will hear that until you are sick of it. But as the two young bucks, maybe
we can find a way to have some fun. Glad you're here."

"Me, too," I said as he turned to leave.

I called Mom and Dad to let them know I was safe and heard about Millie. I
was really pleased to learn Jason and Eugene had met and were hitting it
off so well. That finished, I unpacked and put my things away. I took out a
photograph of Luke--it was one of him standing beside his painting of
me--and put it on the window ledge by my bed--probably not a good idea if
someone saw it, but I didn't care. I looked at the photograph a long time
before I showered--how I missed Luke's being with me, playing in the
shower, washing and drying my hair, loving me--and left my hair loose when
I had dried it, then dressed. When there was a knock on my door, I saw the
time was 6:40. "Come in, it's open."

Lucas stepped into the room and this time I was prepared. On second look,
he didn't look all that much like Luke--just very blond with a mop of curly
hair. He, as Luke, was built well but definitely not Luke. "Ready to go and
meet the old boys?" he asked.

We walked across campus--it was so British I expected to see a Beefeater or
some such--as the quarter-before-the-hour chimes sounded.

The reception was noisy, especially in light of the fact that there were
less than a hundred people present. When we walked in Lucas said, "I'll get
your drink and you get food. Don't have a problem with alcohol do you?"

"No, but I don't usually drink. Just wine occasionally."

Lucas came back with two short glasses with something and ice. "You're in
Tennessee now, Matt, so you have to at least try Jack Daniels."

I took the glass, raised it and said, "Here's to Millie".

Lucas tapped my glass with his and said, "There's a story there".

I laughed, "One hell of a story." To tell the truth, I drank some of the
sour mash and water, but didn't really like it. Anyway, we snacked a bit,
but there wasn't a great deal of time before dinner was announced and I put
the glass down, still half full, and thought, "Millie would kick my butt".

There was a sizeable gathering for dinner. There were place cards and I
guess someone decided to put the "young bucks" together because Lucas and I
were at the same table. There was wine and, since no one asked my age, I
enjoyed it with my dinner, recalling the great times the family had wine
together.

After dinner, the vice chancellor of the university welcomed us and turned
things over to Dr. Camp, head of the summer's music programs--there were
several including one for high school students. After his welcoming
remarks, he said, "This is Sewanee, you know, and we have traditions. Well,
you know what everyone says, 'Do it twice at Sewanee and you establish a
new tradition'. But there is one of much longer standing among this
group--at least among the organists in this group--and that is recognition
of the baby organist. Lucas Garrett, stand up." Lucas looked a little
puzzled, looked at me and stood up. "Lucas has been baby organist for three
straight years but even organists grow up. Lucas, you are now retired as
baby organist."

Everyone applauded and cheered. Lucas bowed and sat down. "We have a new
baby organist this year. Matthew--I must confess, I called his father last
week to find out what to do with his middle name, well, actually names--and
still forgot so I called him back and recorded it. Probably will still
butcher it but, anyway, the new baby organist is Matthew Sarang Hanun Pomul
Greywolf. Stand up Matthew."

I stood and started to sit down when Dr. Camp said, "No, no. I'm not
finished. Now you all have heard 'Small stature, large organ'." The place
cracked up and got worse as I turned redder and redder. "Well, we all know
that's not really true and Matt's not small, but St. Mary's--where he is
organist--is pretty small, a middle-sized parish, but it has a big
organ. You'll learn more about that later." I was still standing and still
very, very red. "I think one of the reasons you old organists designate a
baby organist is because you know you'll have someone to pick on who isn't
quite as good as you are. Wouldn't be making too many plans in that
direction this summer. Matt, a quick quiz and I want quick answers. You get
a call Sunday night saying the Bishop is paying a surprise visit. What's
your music?"

I decided I would have some fun too. "How hot was my Saturday date and when
did I get home?"

"As hot as you like and you slipped in after 2:00."

"Prelude, 'Sheep May Safely Graze', offertory, 'Jesu, Joy of Man's
Desiring', postlude, 'Gig Fugue'. But if I hadn't been lucky and the date
wasn't that hot and I got home at midnight, guess I'd play the 'Toccata and
Fugue' for the prelude. It seems very appropriate for a Bishop's surprise
visit since it was the theme for 'Dracula' and we all know why Bishops pay
surprise visits." To say I won an audience would put it mildly! The whole
place went wild.

"You need to keep Mr. Greywolf's responses in mind, ladies and gentlemen,
when you decide to give the baby organist a hard time. Well, it's 8:00 and
as you know, we always open with some sort of concert. That's a
tradition. But this year it has a new dimension. Guess you might think I'm
a cheapskate--you can let me know afterward--but there's not a live concert
tonight. Well, there may be a bit of live stuff later, but the official
opening concert is a video tape." Groans all over the room. "Save your
groans until later. It took a bit of doing, but I have a video all of
you--regardless of your instrument--performer, choir people and directors
will appreciate. If not, we'll have a live concert before the week's
over. Ok?" Well, what could we say?

"This better be good," Lucas said. "It's definitely not the tradition."

"I could have seen a video at home," I said, very disappointed. While we
were talking, a screen came down at one end of the room and a video
projector dropped from the ceiling in the middle of the room. "Lucas, look
at those speakers! There's speakers there to handle just about anything."

"You're damn right. If the music's any good, it should sound great."

The lights dimmed and the video started. "Holy shit!" I practically
shouted. It was the video of THE concert!

Larry had opened the video very simply by showing the front of the
program. Someone in the darkness said, "Edward Camp, your ass is grass and
I'm a lawnmower--for inflicting a high school concert on us!"

Lucas said, "Matt, did you know about this?"

"Shit no!" I was learning to be a foul mouth quickly. "Man am I in for a
rough four weeks! These guys will eat me alive!" The program slowly opened,
the first selection was highlighted and the concert began. I wanted to
crawl under the table.

About the middle of the first selection, the woman sitting on the other
side of me leaned over and said, "I think there is a whole room full of
people saying 'holy shit' under their breath right now and I know the guy
grousing about high school concerts would like to slip out. This is
unbelievable." Lucas was pounding my arm and bouncing up and down with
excitement. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all!

As the highlighted name of the second selection faded and the music
started, there was an audible intake of breath. I couldn't believe how
these people were reacting. They were professionals for the most part and
we were just three high school groups performing. I was surprised myself at
the video because I was seeing and hearing it with fresh eyes.

When it came time for the intermission, the lights came up and Dr. Camp
said, "Well, it's just a high school concert; some of you must be tired
because of a long trip--or age--so we'll just stop it here".

"Like hell you will!" It was the guy who had made the comment about high
school concerts. "We're taking a ten-minute intermission and coming back."
There was loud agreement and Dr. Camp laughed.

I was ready for a piss and, as I stood, Lucas said, "This way or you'll be
trapped". He quickly led me down a hall and into a restroom. As I was
pissing he said, "Uncut".

"Hair and cock," I replied. "My dad's doing." Checking another man out is
common practice we all know, but you're supposed to pretend you're
not. That's the man's rule so I was surprised, but I had been surprised all
evening.

While I was still at the urinal, Dr. Camp came in. "Hope you're not too
upset, Matt, but when I heard your compositions on "Performance Today", I
called Millie--who is an old friend--and when I learned a video had been
made, asked about getting it. She had me call a fellow named Larry, I
believe"--he looked at me and I nodded--"and he said he had one with
excellent sound and he would send a copy. I could use it provided you
didn't say no. Well, I learned long ago, if you don't ask, no-one will
refuse you. How is the old bird, Millie, I mean."

I told him what I had just learned this afternoon and he started laughing
when I told him she had fallen in the river while skipping rock. "Some
things never change and Millie is one of them." He was laughing so hard he
had tears in his eyes. "The tales I could tell you about Millie! Well, we
better get back to this terrible high school concert."

When the video was over, people were all over me. It was downright
embarrassing--and very enjoyable! After thirty minutes of listening to
people and answering questions, I was worn out. Lucas finally said, "It's
time to put baby organists to bed. Sorry folks."

An old fellow was standing near and said, "I'm the grand-daddy organist,
Son, and if I am still up, a baby organist still has some juice left. I
want to see the kid in action. Edward told me about the video last week and
I insisted on sampling it. Just heard the first piece because I didn't want
to spoil this evening. I did tell him to get something in here for you to
play and there it is. In one corner of the room was a Rodgers, just like
mine. That accounted for some of the speakers placed around the room. "You
gotta play for this old man."

"'Sheep May Safely Graze', maybe?"

"Yea, then something exciting. Keeps the old ticker going."

Good thing I memorize music because so far as I could see there was none to
be had. Of course, I could do "Sheep" in my sleep but, when I finished, I
opened the organ up and did the Widor. "Think that might hold you?" I
smiled at the old fellow.

He really was old and walked with a slight limp as he came over to the
organ. When I slid off the bench, he hugged me to himself and said, "I have
dreamed of this day, Matt. I really have."

"Thank you Mr.--I don't know your name."

"Woods, George Woods, but call me Woody. All my friends do and I hope we
will be friends."

Lucas and I were finally able to go to our suite and as we walked across
campus he said, "You know you have a wonderful talent, don't you? And your
technique is unbelievable. You are a great organist, Matt. At eighteen you
are great. And I bet Woody takes you on to mentor. Hope he does." We talked
more about music and organs as we walked.

When we reached the dorm, I asked, "Any place around here I can get and
send e-mail?"

"There are computers off the lounge on the second floor where our suite
is. You want to send some tonight?"

"Got to," I said.

I went upstairs, took off the coat and tie and went to find the
computers. I wrote a long e-mail telling everyone of the events of the
evening and telling Eugene he was in my thoughts and prayers as his days in
court approached. I also told him I was glad he got to meet Jason and to
hug Larry and Millie for me. I just added a postscript to that for Mom and
Dad and thanked them for letting me take organ from Millie.

Of course I wrote Luke an additional letter. I had told him about Lucas and
had written, "Man, if anyone had designed a tempter, the only thing they
would have added to Lucas would be to make him gay!" I had second thoughts
about what I had written, saying to myself, "That's true, Luke Babe, but
you don't need to hear that." But I typed it again. I didn't want to
deceive Luke at all. Then I wrote, "But I'm yours, all the way, all the
time." I made sure he knew that I was his and I loved him more than life
itself and I missed him like crazy. "Yonghon Tongmu, right now I'd give up
sex if I could just have you with me." And I poured my heart out to the
only man in the world for me.

I sent the e-mail, went to my room, undressed and slid into bed. What a day
this had been! The only thing which could have made it more perfect was to
have shared it with Luke. I had much to give thanks for as I reflected
before falling asleep at the end of the first day of six weeks without
Luke's arms around me. But he did hold me in my dreams.