Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001 23:32:54 -0400
From: Sequoyah <sequoyahs-place@home.com>
Subject: A Special Place--Part Fifty-five

		     A Special Place--Part Fifty-five

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				Disclaimer
  This is a work of fiction, any coincidence is just that, a coincidence.

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			    Additional Posting

A Special Place is also being posted at http://go.to/gaywritersguild. Check
it out.  A website from which the real music from the concert--and
"More"--can be downloaded is located at http://aspecialplace.50megs.com/.

There is a very active Yahoo group devoted to A Special Place. You can
reach it at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Sequoyahs_Place . Although I read
all the postings to the group, I still welcome mail at
sequoyahs-place@home.com.
                                                                                  Thoughts

For David, Glen and Scott who add joy to my life and for Jason and Dennis
who demonstrate devotion.  Sequoyah

		 A Special Place--Part Fifty-five--Michael

The trip to the Black Hills was, to say the very least, interesting. As Red
Hawk had said, there were no interstate highways or motels involved. In
fact, no two days or nights were the same. Often we'd be traveling along a
country road when Red Hawk would point out something that was little more
than a dirt trail, and we'd be off on an unmapped road. The only map was
the one the old Indian had in his head and it never failed us. The result,
of course, was that we saw things and places few others saw.

Our sleeping places were even more varied. The first night we camped beside
a spring somewhere in the southern mountains. The next night Red Hawk had
Matt, who was driving, turn down a lane toward a pasture. He asked Luke to
open a gate, and Matt drove through it and across the pasture to a barn
standing on a hilltop. We spent the second night sleeping on new,
sweet-smelling hay. But the strangest, I think, was our final night on the
road. Mary Kathryn was driving when Red Hawk directed her to a farm house
where dinner was waiting for us. As soon as he had introduced us to his
great-granddaughter, Spring Fawn, we sat down to a wonderful dinner. When
we finished, Red Hawk said, "I'll see you in the morning," grabbed his bag
and left.

When he had gone, Matt asked Spring Fawn how she knew we were coming, and
she answered, "Cell phone".

"You mean Indian cell phone?" Luke asked.

"Well, Granddad Red Hawk is an Indian and he used his cell phone, so I
guess you could call it an Indian cell phone." She laughed
uproariously--her great-grandfather's belly laugh--at Luke's suggestion
that Red Hawk had powers which allowed him to communicate with her without
a phone.

She continued laughing as she said, "That old Indian great-grandfather of
mine is a first-class trickster. Only half of what he says is so and the
problem is, you don't know which half."

As if on cue, the Gang of Four got stricken looks on our faces. I knew we
were all thinking the same thing--we were on a wild goose chase. Seeing our
reaction, Spring Fawn quickly added, "Don't get me wrong. Red Hawk is a
powerful medicine man, but he has a real sense of humor and loves putting
something over someone--especially on know-it-all white men. But, no, he's
up to serious business with you four. Real serious business." It was
obvious we were all relieved.

"That's good," Matt said, "because if he had taken me from Luke for
nothing, I'd be major pissed!"

Mid-afternoon of the fourth day of our journey, Red Hawk pointed out what
seemed to be a nearly non-existent trail and we drove deep into the Black
Hills, stopping at a two-room cabin just at sundown. The trip had been over
pretty rough terrain and travel was slow--almost at a walking pace at
times. When we stopped, a woman who was obviously an Indian of fifty or so,
came out of the cabin. She greeted us warmly after Red Hawk introduced her
as Singing Sparrow, a powerful medicine woman. "She'll be in charge of Mary
Kathryn," he told us.

Inside, Singing Sparrow served us cups of steaming, strong coffee. As we
drank, Red Hawk told us we'd do a sweat tomorrow after Matt and Luke had
found their questing places. "We'll leave about daybreak and explore until
each of you sees your place. You'll know it when you see it," he
added. "When you do, give me a sign, but say nothing."


A Special Place--Part Fifty-five--Luke

Singing Sparrow had prepared supper for us and, after we had eaten, we
found places for our sleeping bags outside, under the stars. Matt and I had
had ours zipped together for the entire trip, but I wasn't sure it was ok
now since we were about to begin our quest. When I asked Red Hawk, he
laughed and said, "Just behave yourselves," and walked away.

Before we went to bed, Matt and I walked under the stars, holding hands. In
the clear, clean air, the stars seemed close enough to touch. They looked
as if you could reach up and pluck one from the sky. When we stopped and
stood looking at the stars, Matt said, "Luke, we need to remember how great
just holding hands, holding each other and kissing is. I guess the joy of
having sex can make simpler--no, less lustful--ways of making love seem
unimportant. It doesn't, does it?"

I answered by taking my Dark Angel in my arms, holding him close, then
kissing his wonderful lips tenderly.

We found a grassy spot and lay on our backs, Matt's head resting on my
now-bare chest, my arm encircling his as we gazed at the stars
overhead. Reluctantly, we finally got up and walked back toward the
cabin. Michael and Mary Kathryn had placed their sleeping bags, zipped
together, a short distance from ours and were asleep, entwined in each
other's arms. As we walked past, Matt said, "Luke, one day we will have
beautiful nieces and nephews". I couldn't have agreed more and uttered a
silent prayer that their love would last and grow.

The sun had not risen when Red Hawk shook us awake. When we were up, he
handed us steaming cups of coffee and what he called Lakota energy
bars. The taste was strange, but it seemed to be all we needed for
breakfast. When we had eaten, the six of us climbed a rise and greeted the
new day as it dawned. As the sun rose, Michael and Mary Kathryn, Matt and I
held each other close, knowing we would soon be separated--again--for days,
maybe even a week.

After sunrise, we went down the hill to where the sweat, to purify us for
what lay ahead, would be held. Red Hawk had long ago dug the fire and stone
pits and erected the framework, but insisted, he told us, on removing the
cover after each sweat. "So Father Sky can visit this place," he
explained. The covering was not tarps, but buffalo hides which were hanging
on a framework in the fresh air and sun. We didn't have to gather stones
only take those in the stone pit out, ready for the fire. Michael, Matt and
I did that and went to the small stream nearby for water to be used in the
ceremony.

We gathered wood for the fire which Red Hawk started. He had told us where
we would find some fallen logs which we cut into lengths and took to the
fire pit. Soon the fire was burning well and the logs were becoming burning
embers. Red Hawk inspected it carefully, was satisfied that the fire would
do well and said, "Ok, now we look for your questing places. Michael, you
need to join us."

As we walked through the wilderness, I spied an overhang forming a kind of
grotto, its floor covered with leaves and pine needles. Nearby were
ferns. As I looked at it, I thought I heard a voice call, "Here,
Luke". When that happened, I looked at Red Hawk and Michael. Both were
smiling. I nodded. I had found my place. As I turned to leave, it seemed
the ferns called out, "Use us". I knew I would cover the leaves and needles
with the fern fronds. How did I know? Don't ask me. I just did.


A Special Place--Part Fifty-five--Matt

When we started the walk to find our questing places, I felt very
alone--well, maybe not alone, but in solitude. It's hard to explain, I mean
I was with people, yet was alone, but not lonely. We walked along a dry
streambed for a while, then up a rather large hill. As we started down the
other side of the hill, I saw a stream flowing at the bottom of it and,
across the stream, a bluff or cliff. Halfway up the bluff I saw an opening,
like the entrance to a cave. As soon as I saw it I knew it was my questing
place, then realized there was no way to reach it I could see--either from
the bottom or the top of the cliff. I looked at Red Hawk and he nodded. We
continued walking for perhaps another mile, then returned to the cabin.

When we reached the cabin, the fire had burned down to a huge bed of hot
embers. Luke and I placed the rocks in the fire pit and Michael added a
large pile of log sections. Then we three covered the lodge with the
buffalo skins. That done, Red Hawk motioned for Luke and they walked a
short distance and stopped to talk. Red Hawk kept nodding.

They returned and Red Hawk called me to go with him. When we were out of
earshot, he asked, "You found your questing place?"

"Well, I'm not sure. There appeared to be a cave halfway up the bluff, but
I saw no way to reach it. Yet that seemed to be the place."

"You'll find a way to reach it," Red Hawk said. "When you do, mark your
place with the pouches of tobacco Michael will give you. They are the
colors of the four directions.

We walked back to the cabin where we ate a hearty meal, Luke's and my last
until the quest was over. Red Hawk had insisted we drink nothing except
water after our morning coffee and, in fact, kept insisting we drink more
and more. The last time he had handed us water, Luke had said, "Red Hawk, I
have drunk so much water my eyeballs are floating".

"Piss and then drink some more," he said.

A couple hours later, Red Hawk came to where Luke and I were sprawled out
in the shade of a cottonwood tree, my head resting on my beloved's bare
chest. "Time to get washed up for the sweat," he said, pointing to the
small stream flowing in front of the waiting sweat lodge. When we came out
of the water, Red Hawk handed the three guys a clout and Singing Sparrow
handed Mary Kathryn a thin cotton dress.

Since Mary Kathryn was joining us, Singing Sparrow opened the lodge. I had
thought Michael would conduct the sweat or be fire and doorkeeper, but Red
Hawk said Michael would also need to have the sweat prior to his training
so he would conduct the sweat. "Singing Sparrow will handle the door and
stones," he said. Seeing the size of the stones, I thought he was nuts, but
that's the way it happened. Never underestimate the strength of an Indian,
a woman or especially an Indian woman!

As nearly as any sweat is uneventful, this one was. I guess after the
excitement of the last two, I expected some wonders, but the only wonder
was the wonder of a sweat. When we came out, we went to the small stream
and washed and cooled off. When we came out, Red Hawk gave us fresh breech
cloths and said, "Luke, I'll lead you to your questing place. Matt, Michael
will assist you." With those words, he started walking away, Luke beside
him.

When Michael started out, I was sure he was going in the wrong direction,
because we had walked out of the camp together in the morning and now we
were going in a different direction from Luke and Red Hawk, but I said
nothing.

I was surprised when we walked around the foot of a hill and I saw the
bluff a short distance away. When we reached the bottom of it, Michael
handed me the four pouches which I tucked into my clout. As I did, Michael
laughed and said, "Didn't think you needed any addition down there!" I just
ignored him. Michael hugged me to himself and said, "Have a good quest, Big
Brother," and turned to go. As he did, I looked at the bluff again and
still saw no way to reach the opening twenty or thirty feet above my head.

I was about to go around and climb to the top of the bluff to see if I
could reach it from there, when I saw a handhold just above my face. I
reached up for it, grasped it and used my arms to pull myself up. Just when
I was sure I couldn't make it, my foot found a small--and I mean
small--foothold. Each time I reached up, I seemed to find a handhold and
then the handholds became footholds as I climbed. But they were small and a
few times I thought for sure I was a goner, but I finally made it to the
opening. I guess it was a cave mouth although the hole was hardly large
enough to be called a cave. In fact, it was so small, I had to pull myself
around until I could enter feet first. Before I pulled myself completely
inside, I marked my questing place with the four pouches--using up and down
as two directions.

Inside, there was room enough for me to sit, but not stand, and the cave
was just deep enough for me to lie down, no more. When I was finally
inside, it was almost sundown. I had not been aware before, but the cave
opening faced east. I sat in the mouth of the cave, looking out, as the
sunset--which I could not see since it was behind me--created ever-changing
patterns on the hillside across the stream, painting the trees and rocks
first one color, then another. Since I was only seeing the sunset's
reflection on the hillside, I thought of Plato's cave.

As darkness fell, the sounds of the night drifted up to my questing
place. I didn't think I, and in ordinary circumstances, had ever realized
just how alive the night was. As I listened, the moon came up, painting the
landscape in silvery light, illuminating the scene before me. I was
entranced, so much so I had no idea how long I sat, watching the changing
patterns across the stream and on its waters, my thoughts drifting. I
thought about the crisis in my relationship with Luke and its healing,
about my future and the route Woody and Stinky had urged me to consider,
about the family. With these thoughts came a deep sense of thankfulness and
gratitude. I thought about Michael and Mary Kathryn who had grown up while
I wasn't looking. Then I thought of Luke again.

Sure the past was past, but I was almost in tears when I recalled how close
we came to losing each other, and vowed never to let anything come between
us again. The more I thought about it, the more I came to realize the sense
of desperation Luke had felt. I mean, would my life be worth living without
my Yonghon Tongmu? Not that I would ever think of ending my own life, but
how empty it would be! I knew Luke loved me, there had never been any
question about that since the day I stormed out of his hospital room only
to return to the man I loved. At the same time, I guess I never realized
the absolute depth of his love until I sat on the river bank and saw there
was a depth in him I had not seen or appreciated. My thoughts continued to
wander as sleep came over me. When the call of the morning birds woke me, I
couldn't recall having drifted off to sleep.

I sat in the entrance of the cave, watching the sunrise, greeting the new
day. Then I became very aware of the fact that I needed to piss and was
hungry. The former I took care of by kneeling at the cave entrance and
pissing over the edge. The latter would go unanswered for... how long? It
had been a week for Dad.

I was surprised when I woke up the second day--at least I think it was the
second day--to find I wasn't hungry. My sleeping and waking prevented my
having any real sense of what day it was. I only knew whether it was
morning or evening by the sun. As a result of sleeping and waking, I saw my
surroundings at all times of the day and night but, really, I had no
concept of time beyond the time of day--and I did know about what time of
night it was from the shifting stars.

One night, as I sat watching the moon rise, it seemed to grow in size until
it was all I could see. As I stared at it, it slowly changed from a shining
orb into a great silver wolf. It sat on its haunches, watching me as I
stared into its eyes. Suddenly, it seemed to spring from the sky straight
toward me. Just as I prepared to dodge its attack, I became the wolf and
raced through a very strange forest.

The wind whistled through my fur and ears as I ran faster and faster
through the moonlit forest. As I ran, my thoughts became those of the
wolf. I was the wolf and felt a sense of strength and power I had never
known before. Somehow or other I was strong, not just physically--and I was
that--but possessing an inner strength, a deep inner power. Through some
sense or instinct, I knew it was not power to be used for me, but for
others--the power to protect.

As I raced through the forest, I suddenly came upon a clearing, a glade,
shimmering in the moonlight. Standing in the glade was an enormous bird, a
thunderbird, its feathers golden in the silvery moonlight. As I approached,
its golden feathers shifted pattern, looking more and more like a golden
fire. I was surprised when the bird turned and looked at me with piercing
blue eyes, eyes I knew but did not know. As I gazed into those eyes I was,
at first, frightened, but then saw in their depths nothing but love and I
felt--even wolf that I was--a sense of caring beyond anything I had ever
felt before. I felt great love toward this figure which I found strange,
overpowering. As we continued looking at each other, I felt in the core of
my being a promise--a promise I couldn't understand, just accept.

I moved closer and, as I did, the bird became a thunderbird of golden
flames then it took flight, a stream of flame climbing into the sky. I was
still haunted by those blue, blue eyes as I found myself back in my cave. I
knew I needed to climb down, which I did and, when I reached the stream, I
fell to my knees and started lapping water like a wolf. It was the best
water I had ever tasted! When I had satisfied my thirst, I heard Michael's
voice. Still on my knees, I looked up and saw him across the stream. Seeing
Michael, I opened my mouth to greet him and, instead, uttered a tremendous
wolf's howl. Michael smiled and said, "A powerful vision, Silver Wolf".

Michael lent me support as we walked back to the cabin, but neither of us
spoke after my howl and his calling me Silver Wolf. As we approached the
cabin, I saw the whole family and could smell the fragrance of food
cooking. Coming from the other side of the cabin, I saw Luke approaching
with Red Hawk. I forgot all about food as the two of us approached each
other slowly.


A Special Place--Part Fifty-five--Luke

When Red Hawk left me at my questing place, I raked the leaves and pine
needles into a bed, adding a pile to serve as a pillow. Using my knife, I
cut fern fronds, covering the bed with their sweet fragrance. That task
completed, I sat down and looked around me. This was a beautiful, peaceful
place. As I sat still, a deer passed by, completely ignoring my
presence. As the day came to an end, I saw patches of the setting sun
through the leaves of the trees in front of my place. Night fell and the
night sounds started. Somewhere in the distance a wolf or coyote howled. I
didn't know when I had been so at peace. The moon rose in the back of my
grotto, casting strange and wonderful shadows in the forest. Night birds
were singing as if they knew I was at peace with myself and the universe.

As I sat listening to the night, my thoughts turned to the past few
months--my attempted suicide at the falls, my dreams when I was fighting
death, discovering Matt's love for me--everything. It was as if I had a
movie running in my head. Finally, I recalled my time with Rich. I guess
all the time I had really been blaming him for seducing me, "But it takes
two," I thought. What had I been really wanting? Sex? Of course, I had been
away from Matt for almost four weeks, but it wasn't really sex. I had
wanted to hurt Matt, really hurt Matt and I had known how to do it. Never
had I doubted his love for me and to appear to have thrown that love away
would have hurt more than anything. I knew that because I put myself in
Matt's place and knew that if he took his love from me, I would be hurt to
the quick.

I felt an overwhelming sense of thankfulness flow over me as I thought of
what Taequo had done. He had given me back a life I was throwing
away. Finally, I realized that I had rehearsed the past without blaming
myself or anyone. I had forgiven myself, healed by the love of those who
cared for me--including Taequo and Red Hawk who had not known me. It was
over and I was at peace. The next thing I knew, I was waking up from a
deep, healing sleep.

It was still night--or maybe it was the next night--I didn't know. I was
very thirsty and hungry. I didn't know whether I could endure the whole
quest if the pangs of hunger and thirst continued. As if to answer me, I
remembered the sweat lodge and the prayer for endurance. I knew that not
only must I endure, but also that I could. Again I fell asleep.

When I awoke, the sun was bright and the forest alive with day creatures. I
sat up, looking around me, when a butterfly came and sat on my knee. I knew
his life was short compared to mine and that he was, even in that short
life, giving the world great beauty even if no human being saw it. I sensed
what Red Hawk meant when he spoke of all creation as his brothers and
sisters. How fortunate I was to have a longer life to give beauty to the
world!

In what I think was mid-afternoon, the buzz of unseen insects made me very
sleepy and I lay back on the ferns, enjoying their scent, and fell
asleep. I dreamed of Matt who, like the butterfly, gave the world great
beauty. As I dreamed, I was also thinking, "The butterfly's life is short,
but regardless of how long mine may be, it will be too short for me and my
love". Suddenly, I was walking through the forest with Matt. We were
holding hands and both of us, I knew, felt as though we were not only at
one with each other but also with the whole of creation. We were singing as
we walked in the sunlight, Matt's black, black hair shining as it blew in
the breeze.

When the dream ended, I wasn't sure where I was at first--you know, that
waking up in a strange place and not remembering how you got there? I tried
to get myself oriented but, even when I remembered where I was, the scene
before me didn't look right. It was dark, black, and strange shapes were
moving about. I don't know how I knew, but I knew they were the bad spirits
coming for me. Just before I panicked, I remembered that I was weak when I
was thinking about myself and not others. I forced my thoughts to the
Fellowship. I wondered what they were doing. I guess I prayed because I
thought of each in turn and what they were doing, and of their
struggles. Finally, my mind became fixed on Jake, Danny and Buddy. I wanted
to give the three of them some of the peace and happiness I had felt
earlier and, as I had that thought, I felt it again. I looked up and the
forest was shimmering in the bright moonlight as it should have been.

Time passed--I had no concept of days or nights, or of time, beyond what I
could tell from the sun and moon. I was no longer hungry or thirsty. About
noon of one day, I was sitting, looking out from my place when, out of a
perfectly clear sky, a great thunderbolt crashed through the forest,
shaking the ground on which I was sitting. A second and a third crashed,
then a bolt of lightening struck the ground before me. I was blinded by the
flash but, when I could see again, a giant bird was standing before my
grotto, staring at me--a thunderbird. As it stood, I got up and walked
toward it. As I approached, I felt a tingling all over my body. When I was
only a few feet from it, there was a mighty crash of thunder and a
lightning bolt struck me. I was knocked down and, as I got up, I saw that I
had become a giant thunderbird. I had become the thunderbird, because he
was no longer present. I flapped my wings and rose into the air. My
feathers became flames and I was a flaming bird screaming through the
air. My cries were thunder, and lightning was coming from my wing-tips as I
flew.

I was ecstatic at being able to fly and flew higher and higher in the
sky. I felt the power in my wings and knew the power of my thunder cry and
of the flashes of lightning coming from my wings. As I flew, I looked at
the sky and saw that it was clear except where I was flying. I was
surrounded by great thunderclouds, rolling and whirling in the sky. I flew
and flew and flew, feeling at one with the sky and the earth below. Before
I realized it, I had flown into the night. I looked down and, far below,
saw a great silver wolf racing through the forest. I flew over him,
watching the beauty of his sleek body and its fluid movement. I knew I was,
in some way, bound to the wolf, but I was not sure how. Ahead, I spied a
clearing in the forest. The wolf was headed for it, still running like the
wind. I shot out of the sky and, just before the wolf entered the clearing,
landed in its center. When the wolf came into the clearing, he stopped and
I turned and looked at him, looking directly into his eyes as he looked
into mine. I looked into beautiful, black almond eyes. They were very
strange eyes for a wolf, but in them I saw and felt an overwhelming love
and an unbreakable bond. Without being aware of what was happening, my
feathers became flame and I shot into the sky then, without warning, I was
no longer a bird. I was back in my questing place, squatting as if I were a
bird, when I saw Red Hawk and heard his voice. I called out to him but,
instead of calling his name, the call was a great thunder clap.

I stood up and started walking toward Red Hawk, but soon realized I was
very weak and stopped. Red Hawk came, put my arm around his shoulders and
gave me a flask of water which I drank eagerly. We then walked back toward
the cabin. As we rounded the cabin, I saw Matt, being supported by
Michael. Both Red Hawk and Michael took our arms from their shoulders, and
Matt and I walked toward each other slowly. When we met, we embraced,
looking into each other's eyes, and I recognized those black almond eyes--I
didn't know how I could have forgotten, the eyes I had seen in my vision
were Matt's!--as, slowly, our lips met. As the kiss--tender, loving, soft,
gentle--went on, I swore I would never, ever forget how special a kiss from
my Matt was! As we broke our kiss, I looked into those black almond eyes
and said, "I love you. I love you Silver Wolf!"

Matt smiled, his black eyes sparkling, and said, "And I love you Fire
Thunderbird!" and our lips met again.

Later both of us wondered how we knew the other's new Lakota name.


A Special Place--Part Fifty-five--Matt

When Luke and I broke our kiss, I saw our parents and Taequo had
arrived. There were hugs all around and, as I hugged Mom, she said, "Matt,
you stink!" Luke and I were were still dressed in the clouts we had worn
for four days during our quest--Red Hawk had told me our quest had lasted
four days--and after that long without a bath, no wonder even a mother
would think her son a little rank. Luke must have gotten the message as
well, because he grabbed my hand and we raced toward the stream, tossing
the clouts to the wind as we leaped into the shallow water. Michael and
Mary Kathryn joined us, cloutless and dressless--I am sure to Jens
displeasure, but he said nothing.

As we frolicked--a bit tamer than usual because Luke and I had, after all,
done a four-day fast--Taequo brought us a mixture of some kind to use as
soap. It smelled fantastic and made my skin feel tingly and clean,
wonderfully clean. When we started out of the water, I saw Dad and Red Hawk
had joined Taequo, waiting for us on the bank. As Luke stepped out of the
water, Taequo handed him a beautiful pair of leggings, a fresh breech cloth
and moccasins. Before he took them, Luke embraced Taequo in a bear hug.

As I came out of the stream, Dad hugged me and said, with tears in his
eyes, "Son, I never dared dream my son would make a vision quest. You have
honored me deeply." He hugged me again and gave me leggings, a breech cloth
and moccasins. David gave Michael his Lakota dress and Gabrielle gave Mary
Kathryn a soft, white buckskin fringed dress.

Red Hawk looked at Luke and Michael, smiled and said, "Fire Thunderbird and
Golden Eagle, two blond-headed Lakota warriors, more Lakota than many
full-bloods".

Luke and I, Michael and Mary Kathryn, walked, arm in arm, to the feast
table which had been laid out. As we reached it, Red Hawk, Singing Sparrow
and Dad started a Lakota chant to Taequo's drumbeat. When they had
finished, Red Hawk handed us steaming bowls of broth. "This will get your
stomachs used to food again," he said. "The rest of you, dig in."

The broth tasted very good and soon Red Hawk bid us eat. We ate sparingly
at first, still giving our stomachs a chance to adjust to having food
inside, but then....

The feasting lasted well into the night. The family had always enjoyed
being together and eating together--well, except for the time Jens found
out about Luke and me--but I couldn't remember a time when we enjoyed each
other's company more, when we were all so happy and showing affection so
freely, even Jens. Shortly after midnight, I guess, Red Hawk called us all
into a circle. Taequo joined him in the center and Red Hawk made a brief,
but moving, speech about the kind of man Taequo was, mentioning he had
received eagle feathers for brave and kind deeds in the past. Then he
presented him with another "in recognition of what he has done for Fire
Thunderbird, the Family and the world, by saving his life". I wept, as did
Luke.

Having received the feather, Taequo asked Singing Sparrow to speak of Mary
Kathryn's journey. In a few brief words--I liked that about Indian
speeches!--she said Mary Kathryn was now fully a woman and ready to take on
the privileges and responsibilities of womanhood. "She is a fine spirit
woman," she concluded as she placed a feather in Mary Kathryn's hair, the
tail feather of a red hawk. As she did, she called her by her new Lakota
name, Daughter of the Dawn.

We all hugged Mary Kathryn and then Taequo spoke. "Those who go on a vision
quest are careful to whom they reveal their vision. Tonight, I am not sure
Silver Wolf and Fire Thunderbird could tell us of theirs if they tried. It
is up to Golden Eagle and Red Hawk to tell us of our brothers' journeys." I
am sure the two did a better job than Luke and I could have done and, when
they finished, they handed us each a medicine bag which we hung around our
necks.

It was nearing dawn when people started drifting away. David and Margaret
were the first to go; I guess the trip had been tiring for her
especially. Yong Jin and Greywolf left just after David and Margaret, then
Red Hawk and Singing Sparrow, leaving only Jens and Gabrielle and the Gang
of Four. Michael and Mary Kathryn were sitting across the campfire from
Luke and me, cuddling and exchanging kisses from time to time, as did Luke
and I. Finally, Michael stood, extended his hand to Mary Kathryn and helped
her to her feet. "Look at Dad," Luke whispered. Jens was obviously
struggling with himself as the two walked toward their sleeping bag, just
out of the firelight. Finally, Jens extended his hand to Gabrielle and they
went to their sleeping bag, away from Michael's and Mary Kathryn's, mine
and Luke's. As they left, Luke whispered, "Silver Wolf, how would you like
to make mad passionate love to a fire thunderbird?" I grinned my answer as
I grabbed his hand and we raced into the night.

When we reached our sleeping bag, Luke flopped down on it, pulling me on
top of himself. I thought I could learn to like leggings and a breech
cloth! Little more than a flick of the wrist and only the leggings remain,
and they interfere with nothing! Since Luke and I had just come off a
four-day fast, our love-making was, of necessity, slow and easy, but that
did not make it less than perfect--perfectly wonderful. Finally, two Lakota
warriors--one light, the other dark--lay in the moonlight, bodies
entwined. "Goodnight, Silver Wolf," Luke whispered.

"Goodnight, Fire Thunderbird." At peace with ourselves, each other and our
world, we slept.


A Special Place--Part Fifty-five--Michael

Mary Kathryn and I had been separated while Matt and Luke were on their
quest--she with Singing Sparrow and I with Red Hawk. I was very surprised
when, on the fourth day of their quest, I found myself watching Matt's
vision. Later, when I told Red Hawk, he asked what I had expected. "You are
Matt's protector during his quest as I am Luke's. What did you see?" I told
him of Matt's vision and he told me of Luke's.

I was surprised that I had witnessed Matt's vision, but that was not my
biggest surprise. When I saw Mary Kathryn as I brought Matt back from his
quest, she had changed. I couldn't tell you how she had changed, beyond
saying she was a woman--and, as nearly as she would ever belong to any one,
she was my woman.

After the feast, we walked to our sleeping bag. When we reached it, I
undressed my beautiful, wonderful wild woman--Daughter of the Dawn--and
kissed her breasts, her hair, her eyes. As I did, she reached down and
removed my breech cloth, allowing my manhood to stand straight and hard
before me. As we stood in the moonlight, our lips joined, her hand worked
miracles for me as my finger did, I'm sure, for her. When my climax came,
it brought me to my knees and Mary Kathryn knelt before me, joining her
lips to mine as another orgasm shook her body. My passion spent, we lay in
each other's arms, talking in the night. I realized I was aroused again and
said to my woman, "Dawn's Child, this is the perfect time and place..." I
didn't finish the sentence because she covered my mouth with her hand.

"Michael, this may seen to be the time, but it's not--unless you want to be
a father before you are seventeen--and I think we both know it is not
really the place. You know that, don't you?" Of course I did. Then, in a
joking mood, she said, "Besides, after what happened a few minutes ago, I
doubt that you are up to it".

"The hell you say," I replied as I placed her hand on my rock hard
manhood. Mary Kathryn actually bent down and kissed its head and said,
"Lover, I think this is where we stop for the night". Well, it didn't
actually work out that way and the eruption that covered her hand proved
she was wrong about what I was able to do.

When we had rested from our love-making--how the hell we stopped when we
did, I'll never know, but I could tell you one thing: that stopping at the
brink had got to stop!--I took Mary Kathryn in my arms and carried her to
the stream where we frolicked in the moonlight, enjoying being kids.

Finally, we walked back to our sleeping bag, dried each other and lay in
each other's arms as we drifted off to sleep.

Sometime before dawn, I was shaken awake by Red Hawk. He put his finger to
his lips, signaling me to be quiet, then motioned for me to come with
him. I crawled out of the sleeping bag, got dressed and followed him back
to the campfire which had burned very low. Matt and Luke were standing by
the fire, dressed as I, as Lakota. "Do you know the Lakota ceremony for
making relatives?" Red Hawk asked. All three of us nodded. "Several years
ago, eight sun dancers were given HIV when they were pierced with the knife
which had pierced an HIV+ dancer. Since that time, the mixing of blood has
just about become unknown," he said. "But, if you trust me, I assure you
that I'm clean and I know you three are."

"Of course we trust you," Luke said.

Red Hawk took his knife from his belt, held it over the embers of the
campfire until it was almost red hot, then waved it in the air to cool
it. That done, he pricked his wrist, then asked that I hold out my arm,
which he also pricked. As tiny drops of blood appeared on our wrists, he
bound the two together and said, "Michael, I am honored to make you my
relative--my son". He then repeated his action with Luke and Matt. When he
had finished, he said, "You are now my relatives and relatives of all the
Lakota. We are honored and I am sure you will honor your relatives. Now get
back to sleep. You have a long journey ahead of you."

When daylight came, I awoke and thought that it had been a dream, until I
looked at my wrist and saw the mark of our mixed blood. I was very proud to
be a relative of Red Hawk.

I kissed Mary Kathryn awake and we walked toward the table where there was
hot coffee and, soon, breakfast. As we approached, Matt and Luke looked at
me and turned their arms so I could see the marks on their wrists. I nodded
and showed them mine.


A Special Place--Part Fifty-six--Matt

After a very early breakfast, the parents left, driving their rented
four-wheel-drive back to the airport for the flight home. Taequo was to
have gone with them, but Red Hawk asked that he wait a day. The Gang of
Four said goodbyes to Red Hawk, Taequo and Singing Sparrow--not without
some tears--and started the trip home.

We had decided we would drive straight through, this time using the
interstate highways and stopping only for food and gas--and maybe toilets,
but bushes would do. We tried to have two sleeping, one driving and one
navigating. Just after dark, Michael and Mary Kathryn were asleep, Luke was
driving and I was navigating. I placed my hand on Luke's thigh and asked,
"Luke, do you remember you once asked me to marry you?"

"How could I ever forget your answer?" he smiled. "I meant it then and, if
you like, I'll ask you again. Matt, will you marry me?"

"Luke, lots in our life has changed. In the years to come, there will be
other changes, we both know that. But one thing that will never change is
my answer. Of course I will marry you."

"Then why the question?"

"Of course I know it can't be official and legal, in the church and all
that, but a commitment ceremony would mean the same thing for us, right?"

"Right. Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"

"That the time has come?"

"Yea."

"Then I'm thinking what you think I'm thinking." Luke took his eyes off the
road for a minute as he turned and smiled at me. It was hard, but we did
manage to get in a kiss before he had to pay attention to his driving. As
we drove into the night, we talked about what we wanted and when. Finally
we decided we'd ask the whole gang to postpone going to Ohio until we could
be married--as married as we could be. "Luke, since there's nothing legal
or official about what we want to do, let's ask Michael to do the
ceremony," I said, after we had talked at length.

"Exactly what I was thinking, Sarang Hanun Pomul."

When I took over as driver, Michael was navigator and Luke was to get some
sleep. He got in the back seat and said, "Matt, talk to Michael," and the
next minute was asleep.

"Michael, Luke and I have been talking and have made a decision. You know
we were going to have a commitment ceremony when the time was right, and
we've decided the time is now. That means we will have to postpone the trip
to Ohio a week, I think, but we both feel we need to have those who have
loved and supported us through this hard time be a part of our really
being, well, married, committed--whatever it might be called--and we'd like
you to do it."

"I've no objection to postponing the trip. In fact, I think your having
your ceremony is an excellent idea. It's a great idea," Michael said, "and
I'd love to do it, but I mean..."

"Look, Michael, you can't do a wedding because you're not a priest. But
what difference does that make? We can't have a legal wedding or an
official commitment ceremony, so why can't you do it? Maybe--I hope and
pray--by the time you are a priest, or even before, committed couples can
have their union blessed. When that happens, Luke and I will be first in
line to have you bless our union. But I am sure it will be no more real to
us than a ceremony you do for us now. After all, as even Fr. Tom says, the
couple marry each other. The only thing the church does is bless the
marriage and the people witness the commitment. Certainly we want all our
family and friends to witness our public vows, and I bet Fr. Tom can figure
out a way to bless it one way or another."

"Well, you're right about all that," Michael said. "And of course I will,
and will be damn honored to do so, but I'll have to have help putting it
together."

"I'm pretty sure I learned enough at Sewanee this summer that Luke and I
can put a ceremony together, and I'm sure Fr. Tom will help if we need
it. Thanks, Li'l Bro."

"Thank you, Big Bro."

I realized I was getting very sleepy and we stopped so Mary Kathryn could
replace Michael and he me.

The two asleep, two awake, worked pretty well for twelve hours, but soon
all four of us found ourselves getting sleepy as soon as we started driving
or navigating. Luke finally said, "Look, we'd like to get home, right? Then
we'd better stop before someone has to pull our guts off a telephone pole."
We found a place to camp, got out our sleeping bags and slept for eight
hours then, refreshed, finished the trip home.

When we got to my place, Dad met us at the door. "I have some sad/happy
news," he said. "Shortly after you left, Red Hawk told Taequo his work was
done, he was tired, and that it was a good day to die. 'I now have sons to
carry on, so I'm finished,' were his last words. Having said that, he just
sat down and died. Taequo said it was the way he went to sleep--he
announced it and then did it. Taequo and Singing Sparrow wrapped him in a
buffalo hide, erected a scaffold and placed his body on it--the Lakota way
of caring for their dead. Taequo said he knew he was probably a strange one
to do it but, in addition to the Lakota ceremony, he read the service for
the dead from Red Hawk's Book of Common Prayer. Sad news because Red Hawk
was such a beloved friend, but happy news because he did what few men are
able to do: he finished his work."

Dad was right. It was sad/happy news. Sad for us, but happy for a man who
had lived a great life and was now among the spirits he knew, and who knew
him so well.

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