Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2009 23:21:29 -0500
From: spiderwick1 secret <spiderwick1@hotmail.com>
Subject: all by myself the end

This story contains very little sexual contact between teenage
boys. This story may not be legal where you live or is may be
offensive to you, If so please leave now.


All By Myself   The End


I was now dreading every day. I would get up in the morning shower and get
ready for school and just go through the motions. I was lost and depressed,
Jamie was the first person I had ever had sex with and I was missing him
more that I could stand.

Still in the closet and still not being able or just maybe not having the
guts to admit to myself or for that matter anyone else that I was gay. I
was living a life that I and most people would not wish on anyone. I needed
to do something but I was scared to death to do anything. I was in limbo
with no way to go but down.

I would sit in class and think of all the things Jamie and I did and
wondered if I would ever be able to find someone else that I would be able
to share myself with. It really looked hopeless. I was not thinking
straight, actually I was not thinking at all.

 I went through the remainder of my high school years with not much of a
change in anything, no matter how hard I tried. There were boys that I saw
that I would dream about but was scared to death to say anything to.

I was alone. I was scared. I was living a hell on earth.

Then the worst thing happened, I got a letter one day and opened it and the
first word of the letter was in bold type and said " GREETINGS. "  The next
thing I knew I was on my way to boot camp. I was saying to myself, "great
now I have to be around all the guys " How do I get through this? I spent a
lot of time by myself I made a few friends but would never leave the post
or got on pass. Now more then ever I was finding myself building an even
deeper closet. After two years it was over and I felt a little better.

I started working at a grocery store and one of the guys I worked with was
gay I knew it and since we worked every day together he felt that I should
know that. He was the first person I ever told that I was gay. He asked me
to stop over at his house many times and as it worked out we never had any
time alone.  We would be sitting in his room and then his younger brother
would come in and start talking and before I knew it I had to go. We
actually tried to have sex once but as fortune would have it his brother
came home school early one day and we never really got started.

I have working many jobs. I have spent my time always trying to do good
deeds. Always trying to help someone else and never taking the time to help
myself. Time went by, years drifted past and before I knew it I was pushing
50. I have really never been one to go to bars, or spend a lot of time
cruising. I would spend my time at my home and thinking about all the
things that could have been. Now I am 60 still alone and still wondering
what a waste my live has been.

I would give the shirt off my back to anyone. Help anyone that needed help
and as a result. spent so much time trying to help everyone else I never
took the time to help myself. I look at younger boys and say to myself
please don't waste time wondering if you should do something. If you do it
just soon may be to late for you as well.

I am living by myself now and have friends that talk to me or visit me when
they have nothing else to do.  and I am grateful for that. but at the end
of the today and every day for the foreseeable future I guess I will remain
ALL BY MYSELF.


That's it Please email me and tell me what you think. Email me at
spiderwick1@hotmail.com I will answer all emails as soon as possible
Thanks for reading my story.