Date: Sun, 9 Sep 2001 16:00:27 -0700 (PDT)
From: Evan Bradley <EBradley33@excite.com>
Subject: Chapter 18 of "Ambush"

The following fictional story deals with sex among males.  If you are
offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area where it is
not allowed, depart.  Though not observed in this story, care enough about
yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.

The author retains all rights.  No reproductions or links to other sites are
allowed without the author's consent.

EBradley33@Excite.com

Chapter 18
Illusions and Innocence Destroyed

After I'd retreated to my bedroom, I fell into bed, pulling the covers over
my head.  I wanted to be comatose.  I must have dozed, for I jerked awake
when I heard the daters telling Kenny good-bye as they were leaving to
take Melanie home.  Kenny came to my door, knocking softly.  "Evan,
please open the door."  I just couldn't.  I would have behaved
badly--badly by my standards anyway.  After a bit, he moved on down
the hall.

I must have had another catnap, for I heard a car in the drive.  Not long
after that, a car door slammed, and Jeremy entered the front door.  He
came to my door immediately, listening.  He knocked lightly, waiting a
while.  He tried to turn the doorknob.  When it wouldn't turn, he moved
off to his bedroom.  I could hear murmurs from the bedroom before sleep
overtook me.

Kitchen noises awakened me, telling me the guys were preparing their
breakfast.  I pulled the pillow over my head and fell asleep again.

A ringing phone awakened me.  I wasn't going to answer it.  I heard a
voice murmuring to the phone, but sleep overtook me.

I was awakened by the phone ringing again, but I continued to lie in bed.  I
wasn't getting up, hoping that I'd go back to sleep again.  It was a
"weasel" escape, but I didn't care.  I heard someone answer the phone.
Shortly, Jeremy came into the kitchen.

"It was Susan again, wanting to know if Evan had come out of his
bedroom.  She's worried that he will be mad at her for not telling him
about Tim and the boyfriend."  So it WAS a boyfriend.  I guess Jeremy
didn't realize that I could hear him even though the door was closed.

"Why is she so worried?"

"Haven't you noticed that Evan and Susan almost read each other's mind?
All they have to do is look at each other and they communicate more than
you and I could in five minutes of talking.  Kinda strange but nice too."

"I knew they were close.  We saw it that day when Evan started crying
before class.  When Susan went to Evan's desk after class and put her
hand over Evan's and said something to him, I knew they must be really
good friends. . . . . Did she say what we should do?" Kenny asked.

"She wondered if she and Troy should come over to talk about getting
Evan out of his bedroom.  I told her we ought to wait a while.  Evan needs
time to deal with what he heard."

"Did Melanie realize that she had spilled the beans?" asked Kenny.

"She knew something was wrong.  She asked about it when we took her
home, but Susan just glossed it over.  I think it worked."

"What are we going to do, Jeremy?"

"What Evan would do:  give him time and space.  Let him know that we
are in his corner, that all he has to do is ask and we are there for him.  I
don't know what else can be done right now."

"Have you noticed that the same thing that happened to me is happening
to Evan?"

"Yah.  Do you think that will put you in a good position to help him?"

Kenny snickered.  "Evan Halsey allowing anyone to help him?"

Jeremy laughed too.  "Yeah, I know what you mean.  I guess that's the
problem with expecting that he will ask for help.  He won't.  He'll suffer
in silence."

"I know what he's lying in there thinking.  He's trying to figure out what
caused Tim to reject him for the blond guy.  Doesn't that guy have a
name?"

Jeremy just shrugged his shoulders.  "Once she hears about it, maybe from
LaKeisha, LaRonda will know it before sunrise the next day."  They
chuckled.  She would!

Kenny continued, "By now Evan has thought of a long list of personal
defects that he thinks made Tim turn off.  I can figure out what he has
decided many of them are. He thinks that he was a little something on the
side for Tim.  Evan thinks he came up short in what Tim wanted in a
lover--youth and good looks.  He can't see how to make himself better.
He doesn't even think he'll try.  It makes no difference anyway; no one
will be interested in him."

"That sounds like a description of you too, Kenny, after you and Robert
parted," Jeremy observed astutely.

"We didn't part.  He dumped me," Kenny remonstrated.  "Now you know
how I know what Evan is feeling."

A period of silence ensued.  Kenny started speaking again:  "It would have
been better for Evan if Tim had taken up with someone Evan's age instead
of someone our age.  I know he's thinking he's a loser because he's older
than this new guy.  There's no way he can win the youth game.  That's
why he's not opening the door.  He's trying to figure out how to create the
Evan who will come out here to behave as though his very person has not been
rejected.  But it could be worse:  he may try to come out here as
though Tim never existed."

"Yeah, that's big-scale denial.  It will make him look silly, and it will only
delay his getting over Tim," Jeremy observed.

Evan's done so much for me, means so much to me, that I feel guilty I'm
not doing more for him."

"Ditto," Jeremy seconded.  "Even more than that, I owe him a lot for what
I did to him.  So I'm thinking just as hard as you about what I can do.  I
hate it that this happened when he is recovering from the fall down the
stairs. . . . I guess you know I shoved Evan down the stairs?"

"Yeah."

"I really wasn't intending to hurt him.  I am still shocked that I did
that. . . . Do many kids know?"

"Only a few.  They know you didn't want to hurt Evan.  You and Evan
clicked so well in class that they knew you weren't out to harm him."

"He's changed my whole world, my future.  I wish I could save him from all
of this."

"I wonder if we could do that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not certain.  I need to think about it."

"After all the kids he's helped, it would be a shame if he behaved differently
than he has been encouraging them to behave," Jeremy observed.

"Can you see Evan doing that?"

"Nah.  He really cares for us, you know."  Silence.  "Why do you think he
locked his door and won't open it?" Jeremy asked.

"Embarrassment.  Hurt too," Kenny offered.

"Why embarrassment?"

"I'm not certain, but you know that Evan is a proud man. . . . If he ever
sees this blond guy Tim is involved with, he'll probably beat himself up
more because he'll think he will never look that good.  It's hard to compete if
you think you lack good looks.  I'd probably still have Robert now if I had
them."

"I can't believe what I am hearing," Jeremy exclaimed.

"Why?  I'm not good-looking like you."

"Man, how you could think that?  Don't you know how attractive you
are?"

 "Oh yeah, says the tall hunk who can command any date he wants among
all the women in school--except for Susan, that is."

"Maybe that isn't what I want."  I could hear his voice moving closer to
Kenny as he spoke.  "Maybe I want you."  I didn't hear anything for a
while.  Then a faint noise as though a kiss were being broken off.

"Come on.  Let's go to the bedroom."  I heard them moving down the hall.
Silence.  They are so lucky!  I felt myself falling asleep.
..........
Later I awoke again.  The house was quiet.  I lay there staring at the
ceiling.  Jeremy and Kenny must still be making love, or they had gone
somewhere.  My bet was on the former.  In a way, it was the best thing
that could have happened to both of them.  Jeremy needed to make some
kind of overt contribution to someone's life.  He also needed to lead, to be
a top, to continue to develop the gains he had made in the past week.
Kenny needed another protector, champion.  I was happy for them,
but once again, I felt that I had been left behind just as Tim had left me.
I hadn't felt this lonely since the divorce.

Kenny knew so much that had already run through my head.  Our similar
situations made us of the same mind.  But unlike Kenny, for me it wasn't
that Tim was involved with someone else as Robert had been involved
with Lisa.  I knew that Kenny smarted that Robert now was passionate
with Lisa, made love to her, celebrating how much better sex with her
was than with Kenny, making Kenny a loser on yet another level.  It was
the curse that always attended rejection, I realized.  I had been of a
different mind when I was talking to Kenny--before it had happened to
me.  Good thing I wasn't talking to Kenny now.

"Would you open this perspective to Kenny now?" that inner voice asked?
Immediately, Katherine Mansfield's short story "The First Ball" leapt to
mind.  A young damsel who has come of age is attending her first ball.  As
a strangely discordant note in the story, a middle-aged cynic dances with
the young woman.  While they dance, he rips away her innocent illusions
about the excitement, beauty, and romance of her first adult social
occasion.  A nonphysical rape that leaves one enraged at the callous
cruelty of the man!  At the end of the story, the damsel's spirit is dead.  I
could never be so arrogant as to strip innocence away before nature and
circumstance were ready to gently and benignly disclose an appropriate
level of reality.

"Well Evan, there's something to celebrate--you're not so far gone that
you would behave despicably," that inner voice said.  "Gee, thanks loads,"
I heard me reply mentally.  "I just feel all better now."  I could be snotty
too.

But what about Tim?  I had justified Jeremy's and my making love by
reminding myself that Tim and I had not, at that point, decided on an
exclusive relationship.  I wasn't going to be a hypocrite now and move to
a different standard for Tim.  That left only a few possibilities.  Tim was a
trophy collector who reveled in being involved with as many lovers as
possible? . . . . No, that wasn't Tim.  So that left the most painful
alternative.  The young blond guy was both more attractive and younger
than I, and if he were better in those ways, then he was probably better
many other ways too, ways I didn't want to think about--better in bed,
more lovable and loving, exciting, interesting--I didn't want to go down
this road!

I was also suffering from the realization that the promise for happiness I
felt Tim represented was totally gone.  All the possibilities that put a
sparkle in my eye, that made my heart beat faster, that made music sound
better, that made me more attuned to people, that made me feel I had
really turned my life around were gone with Tim.  I had nothing to which I
could look forward.

I rolled over.  So why did Tim even get involved with me?  I was so stupid
and arrogant in thinking Tim was uninvolved. . . . That altercation in the
lobby between him and me? . . . . I must have challenged him by walking
away, and he couldn't let the challenge go unanswered. . . . That was it.  It
wasn't anything romantic.  He was going to get the last word in, the
winning gesture.  Could even have had a sexual element to it--conquer
through sex.  I could see Tim's masculinity operating just that way.   I
remembered the pleasure I derived from giving Robert and even Kenny
power over me during the ambushes.  Now I realized that I had never
given Tim such power, nor had he sought it.  We seemed more
competitors for power.  There were mythic dynamics in my relationship
with Robert and Kenny, but not, I suddenly realized, with Tim.  I'd been
asleep at the wheel, not recognizing all of these warnings.  My only
defense was that I thought our relationship so new that we would
eventually reach those decision points.  I realized that for Tim, there was
no future for us.  Just dalliance.  His future lay with the blond boy.  Tim
rather reminded me of the cynical man at the ball.

Tim's behavior after the accident? . . . He was just sucked in by
circumstance.  So why the love-making in the hospital room? . . . . No,
that wasn't love-making.  That was sex-making. . . . He had every excuse
in the world to do nothing but pay a duty call; he wasn't even obliged to
do that.  Was it just that sex in the hospital room was kinky enough that he
wanted to try it? . . . . But he didn't get off, so what was he getting out of
it?  Maybe Tim was motivated more by the moment that I thought.

I remembered now all the meetings he had in the late afternoons or
evenings during those times.  Maybe many of those meetings were with
his young Lothario.  Oh, that might explain his shaving me and sucking
me off in the hospital:  he was going to see the blond boy, so it was a
warm up.

So why come to my house and claim me in front of Jeremy?  I had to think
a while about that. . . . Of course--territoriality.  I had told him Jeremy
was moving in.  Jeremy had confessed to Tim that we had had sex.  Tim
himself was turned on by youth--to wit, the young blond guy, so Jeremy
could loom as a threat to what Tim regarded as his preserve.  And if he
was super competitive, he would want to demonstrate to Jeremy that he
was the lead male who could counter him anytime.  Tim was just
reclaiming his territory. . . . . Something there didn't quite ring true, but I
couldn't put my finger on it.  I wondered if Jeremy turned Tim on. . . . So
did the other night when we had "phony sex" rank as just a lark,
something just unusual enough that it turned him on?  Surely that was it.
Between the blond and me, it was clear who really held Tim's heart.

What was Tim going to do if he got the job in the state capital?  It must be
a struggle to go off and leave the blond boy.  That possibility had to be an
unwelcome prospect.  Unless in Tim's thinking it were only a youth issue.
If it were, Tim could replace the blond boy easily in the state capital.

I heard a light knocking at my door.  No.  I wasn't ready yet to face
anyone.  It sounded again.  Then nothing.

I'd been dumped by a wife for someone she thought was better.  I'd been
dumped demonstrably by a father for not meeting his standards.   Now I'd
been dumped by the first guy I'd been serious about after the divorce
because I wasn't good enough.  This was not a record encouraging one to
hold up his head!  I wished I could hibernate.

"Get over it!" I heard that interior voice say.  "There's more life to live,
and you aren't doing that lying here."  In the deepest recesses of my mind
I hurled an imprecation at that voice that was such a scathing put-down
that I wouldn't even allow it in the forefront of my thought.  The voice
was silent after that.
..........
I must have dozed again for the sound of the front door opening and quiet
voices awakened me.  The voices moved into the sunroom, where they
became murmurs.  It must be late afternoon, for the shadows outside my
bedroom windows were deep.  It felt as though lead ran in my veins.  I had
to move, so I sat up on the side of the bed by the bedroom windows,
looking outside, wishing I were someplace else.  Then I put my head in
my hands.  I really didn't want to think anything.  I was tired of thought.
Tired of feeling.  Tired of analyzing when it did no good anyway, when it
was going to change nothing.  No wonder Kenny went to the dive looking
for quick, immediate sex.  I felt that desperation to cover over the hurt, to
make it stop.  I wanted so much to return to that sense of balance so
integral to who I am.  That balance was gone; I felt its absence intensely.
Damn, I hoped I didn't have to sit around a long time waiting for that to
return.

I heard rustling outside my bedroom windows.  Must be a bird in the
bushes there.  Autumn had dried the leaves enough that it didn't take much
to make them rustle.  I glanced up.  Jeremy looking in the window at me!
I felt ridiculous.  I let my head drop back into my hands.  Jeremy tapped
on the window.  "Evan, are you okay?  I looked up and shook my head
that I was okay.  "We're worried," his voice sounding muffled by the
glass, rather as in a dream.

I just waved my hand like "It's okay.  You can go away."

"We're fixing something for you to eat.  Will you come out and eat
something?  Please . . . for us?  Don't shut us out."  Damn.  He was good
at cajoling.  He was clever enough to know which of my buttons to push,
the little rat.

"I'll grab a bath first," I said as I pointed to the bathroom and reached
for my crutches.  I arose and went to the bathroom.  I decided I wouldn't
shave.  "A little act of rebellion?" that interior voice asked.  Well, the
voice was back and was not taking me seriously.

I bathed.  I wished the house were empty so I didn't have to face
anyone.  I dressed.  Made the bed.  Then went to the door, putting my
forehead against it.  I really didn't want to leave the bedroom.

"Evan," the interior voice said, in a serious tone, "Don't go out there like
death warmed over.  Those kids are worried, they're reaching out, they
want to help you.  You've messed around in their lives enough with all
your advice that it's time to allow them to give to you.  If nothing else, it
won't harm you, and it will help them.  It could even start you toward re-
establishing that sense of balance so important to you."   Damned voice.  I
knew it was simply a self-monitoring function in my mind, but it was dead-
on right.  I still felt as though I were going to have to take it in hand one of
these days.  I unlocked the door and opened it.  I crutched to the kitchen.

There were Susan and Troy with Jeremy and Kenny, standing around
waiting.  I smiled.  "Hi guys.  What's up?"  I asked, running a glance over
them, then the table, which was set for five.

"We made too much spaghetti.  We need help getting rid of it," Jeremy
said with a smile.

"I'm your man."  There wasn't a collective sigh of relief, but I could sense
an immediate drop in the tension level in the room.  Kenny quickly walked
over, hugging me.  He whispered "We're brothers now, Evan.  We've both
been dumped.  Let's help each other."

"Okay," I said softly so that only he could hear.

Kenny kissed me on the cheek.  "And I like the rough whiskers," he added.

A line was forming.  Susan was standing just behind Kenny.  As he
stepped away, she stepped up and hugged me hard.  "You're not alone,
Evan.  Look, we're here.  We'll always be here."  She pulled back, reading
me.

"My turn," Jeremy said, pulling me hard against him.  "You're going to be
okay, Evan.  We're going to help you."   He continued hugging me,
rubbing his hand over my back.

"Wilder, will you quit hogging all the good stuff," Troy said as he shoved
his arm between Jeremy and me.

"You remember what you just said, fella, who claims one of the most
exciting women in the world.  I'm going to start my moves any day now."
Susan laughed.  Kenny looked a little stricken.  Jeremy saw it and winked
at him.  Kenny's face relaxed.  Susan noticed, of course.  Then she looked
at me.

"Hey, Ev," Troy grinned, dimples flashing, you got men fighting over
you."  He too pulled me tightly against him, planting his big hand on my
ass and pushing me against him.  I could feel a mound in his crotch
pushing against my lower stomach.  He was semi-hard!  Why?

Jeremy played the host, directing us to our places.  Bless him:  he was
thoughtful enough not to put me at the head of the table.  He took that
place.  Kenny asked for drink orders.  As we were passing the spaghetti
and sauce, nothing was said.  I could tell that the silence would be a
problem if it continued.  At the moment, I didn't know what to say.  They
had been so focused on my situation all day that they had nothing else to
talk about.

Troy took the lead:  "Evan, I speak for all of us in expressing our gratitude
for your joining us for dinner.  Because we care a great deal about you,
we've been worried.  Would you tell us how you are feeling?"

I was pleasantly surprised that Troy had initiated the discussion.  "Okay.  I
see Dr. Sorenson on Tuesday.  I'm going to push to return to school."

"That's not what we're wondering about.  How are you feeling about this
news about Tim?"  Trust Troy--get it out on the table since it was sitting
there like a big boulder.  Well, that was healthy, I supposed.

I sighed.  Put down my fork.  Took a sip of the merlot that had been
poured for me.  Looked up at them.  Susan was studying me intently.
Jeremy had no look on his face at all.  Kenny was looking deep into my
eyes, knowing the answer to Troy's question.  Troy's face bespoke
concern.  "Bad. . . . I'd be less than honest if I said anything else."

"We know you understand that all of us except maybe Kenny knew about
Tim's boyfriend," Susan said.  [There was that reference to a boyfriend
again.  So it was that serious.  It had to be because it came from Susan.]
"We didn't say anything because we didn't know if it would last, we
didn't know how to tell you, and we thought that you had enough to deal
with at the moment."

It was time to ease their minds.  "I realize now that you all knew about this
blond guy.  I saw the looks you gave each other whenever Tim was
mentioned.  I myself wouldn't know how to divulge such news to
someone.  I'd end up saying nothing about it.  So if you think that I'm
angry with you for not telling me, you can rest easy.  I'm not."  I made a
point of looking at Susan during the last sentence.  She smiled brightly.

"Evan, do you need someone to go with you during your appointment with
Dr. Sorenson?" Susan asked.

"Thank you for asking, but I can manage.  Jeremy, can you drive your car
to school Tuesday?"

"Yeah, I haven't driven it in a few days.  I better fire the old beast up to
see if it can manage to return to life."  His car sounded like me.

"We'll go in my car," Kenny said.

"Okay."

"Listen," I said as we all tied into the spaghetti, "while I have the troops
here, maybe we should discuss Jeremy's gathering on Friday night.  Have
you brilliant ideas--legal and allowable ones, that is?"  They smiled.

"I do have a request?" Jeremy looked at me.

"Shoot."

"You said you were having chaperones.  Could Kate Williams be one?"

Troy whistled.  "Boy, trot out the heavy guns!  Ask the principal to be a
chaperone!  That'll make it a clean party."

"Well, it's not a party," I smiled.  "Just a gathering of friends.  I think Kate
will be quite pleased to be asked.  That's why, Jeremy, you should ask her
tomorrow.  It will mean more coming from you than from me."

Jeremy smiled.  "Okay."  I could tell he was going to enjoy the task.

"Why don't you ask Kathleen Burge too?  She will be touched that you
included her, Jeremy.  You have always been special to her."

"Great idea.  I'll ask John, her husband too."  I assumed we all noticed
that, whereas several days ago I would have mentioned Tim, it would
never happen now.

"By the way," Jeremy added, "what's wrong with calling it a party?"

"If you call it a party but leave out some people who thought they should
have been asked, you'll create hard feelings.  And you're just weird
enough that there are covens of those folks about."  Jeremy stuck his
tongue out at me while the others snickered.  "A gathering of friends to
see where you are living sounds rather impromptu, certainly nothing to
cause offense."

"By the way, where are they erecting the tent for the overflow?" Jeremy
asked.

To give him his reward for teasing me, I looked pained.  "How many are
you thinking about inviting?  I need to know when I call the caterer."

"A caterer for an impromptu evening?" Jeremy asked.  "I don't want you
to go to that much trouble or expense, Evan."  He was serious now.

"I'm using a caterer because I want to minimize trouble.  I'm not quite up
yet to doing all the kitchen work.  And because it's your friends, I want it
to be a special."

"What can we do?" asked Susan.

"Well, I haven't had much opportunity to clean the house.  That's
something else at which I've been limited."

"Oh, Evan," Troy rolled his head and eyes, "now you've done it.
LaRonda will have a brigade here cleaning the place with a vengeance."
He changed his voice to a falsetto, mimicking LaRonda:  "Now Eh-h-h-h-
h-h-vun, Honey, I just brought a few of my women in here to dust a little
of this and sweep a little of that."  We all roared.  It was exactly what she
would say.  And we'd love her for it.

"Yeah," Kenny said, "you'd better keep out of her way or she'll dust you
up."

"Ou-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u, Evan.  I'll bet your getting excited at the
prospect of that!" Jeremy teased.

I knew he was doing it to jolly me up.  So did the others.

"I'll talk to the girls tomorrow, Evan.  We'll organize it and let you know
when to be present but out of the way," Susan smiled.  I knew that if
Susan were involved, it would go swimmingly.

"Have you given any thought to whom you are asking?" I queried Jeremy.

"Yeah.  LaRonda and Clifton, Jarod and Valerie, LaKeisha and Roland,
Wendy Fielding and her date, Greg Dunwoodie and his whoever, Rosalie
Rodriguez and her date, Paul Hartford and Beth Walker, Tony Francini
and Angela Walker.  Oh, Susan and Kenny.  Those at least.  Maybe a few
more."

"Rat," Troy said, grinning from ear to ear, flashing those deadly dimples,
"think you can get my woman to yourself, huh."

Jeremy winked at Kenny.  "Oh, oh, oh," Jeremy aped surprise, "and you
too of course, Troy, my man."  I could see Susan looking again at Jeremy
and Kenny.  She intuited the replacement for Robert had been found.  I
hoped Jeremy knew.  It would be a second blow to Kenny if he
misunderstood Jeremy's advances today.  Actually, I didn't even know if
Jeremy was gay or bi.  And I wouldn't raise the issue.  Too much like
applying labels, which I abhorred.  But a gentle word to Jeremy might be
in order.  I'd noticed several times that evening the nearly worshipful
looks in which Kenny was holding Jeremy.

"Wait a minute," I exclaimed.  "Paul Hartford and Beth Walker?  Tony
Francini and Angela Walker?  When did this happen?"

"They just started going with each other.  They make nice couples,"
Kenny said.

"I've got to get back to school before the whole place changes," I said.
They all shot looks among themselves.  "There you guys go with the looks
again.  What do they mean?"

"We're worried, Evan, that you're not giving yourself enough time.  We
know you'll rush back to school at your first opportunity," Susan
explained.  "We just hope you'll be certain that your are ready."

"Don't kid a kidder," I smiled.  "When I return, the vacation is over!"
Laughter broke forth.

"He hasn't lost his ability to keep a step ahead of us," Troy observed.

We chatted on for another hour before they all made me go sit in the
sunroom while they cleaned up the kitchen.

As I sat in the sunroom, listening to the babble from the kitchen, I realized
that our shared meal and discussion did lift my spirits somewhat.  I also
knew I was blessed to have such friends.  A short while later, Troy and
Susan came out with their coats on, followed by Jeremy and Kenny.  Troy
and Susan took their leave, but not before giving me hugs.

Jeremy, Kenny, and I returned to the sunroom.  "Well, I guess it's time to
turn in," Kenny said, eying Jeremy.

"You guys may want to save some energy tonight for classes tomorrow," I
pointed out.

Jeremy smiled.  Kenny looked startled.  "How did you know?" Kenny
asked.

"Teachers and parents always know more than they let on."

"Ah-oh," Jeremy burst out, "that means Susan knows too."  Now I smiled.

Kenny was like a fan at a tennis match, looking from one of us to the
other, trying to catch up.  "We haven't rejected you, Evan," Kenny said
with concern.

"Okay, Kenny.  All that hiding in bed wasn't in vain.  I'll share a mistake I
made with Tim so that you guys can avoid it.  Tim and I never talked
about our future because we were so newly together.  I just assumed that
we would have those discussions at the proper time."

Suddenly it hit me:  I had expected Tim to prompt such discoveries when
he felt comfortable because I was so ready and open for a relationship
with him.  "Don't make my mistake, thinking that stretches of time await
or that the other guy is supposed to take the lead in opening such
discussions.  Share your expectations for each other and your relationship
soon--before you get so far down the road that it hurts to change course.
You both have been hurt enough, so don't hurt each other.  And with that,
I'm going to bed.  Please turn off the lights."

I arose.  They stared at me and then each other.  I was almost to the
doorway of the sunroom when Kenny ran up behind me, hugging me,
making me teeter on my crutches.  Jeremy quickly stepped in front of me
to steady me.  We stood like that for a few seconds.

"Hey, a sandwich," I exclaimed.  We giggled, broke up the group hug, and
went to our bedrooms.

In my bedroom, I slowly disrobed, went to the bathroom to prepare for
bed, and then pulled back the spread and sheets.  I wondered how I could
be so tired after having spent hours in bed.  I plopped in bed, pulling the
covers up.  Tomorrow I would get back to living.  No more of this lying
around feeling sorry for myself.  But first I just wanted to sleep.

I had seemed to drift.  All of a sudden I felt someone climbing into bed
behind me.  I turned my head to see who it was.  Tim!  What was he doing
here?  He had that superior grin on his face and that wolfish gleam in his
eye.  He was all predator!  I turned my head away.  Leaning up, he bit my
shoulder.  Then he moved up and licked my ear.  I looked over at the
windows.  There was the blond boy looking in, his face betraying no
emotion of any kind.  He was damned good-looking.

"Like him?" Tim asked.  "He's mine, a treasure.  Really knows how to
take a fuck.  Really knows how to make a man happy."  His compliments
to the blond boy were backhanded reproaches to me for not measuring up.

I opened my mouth to tell him to get out, but the words wouldn't come
out.  He leaned up and bit my bottom lip.  "You still want me, don't you?
You still need me."  His hand moved up over my ass and into my crotch,
feeling for my hard cock.  He grabbed it, slowly jerking it.  I didn't want it
too, but it felt good.  "You shouldn't be mad at me," Tim whispered as
though he cared.  "I gave you a good ride."

The blond boy knocked on the window, motioning Tim to come over.  He
arose from the bed, the hair on his chest gleaming, his hard cock bobbing,
the muscles in his long hairy legs and shapely ass quivering, making
precum flow from my dick.  Tim raised the window, and they whispered.
"Okay," Tim said, closing the window.  The blond boy shot me a glance,
but I couldn't read it.  Tim started dressing.  The blond boy smiled.

"Where are you going?" I found myself suddenly able to ask.  "Don't
leave. . . . Please. . . . Please, don't leave. . . . Don't leave, Tim. . . . Not
again."  I heard myself pleading ever more desperately and loudly.  Still,
Tim continued to dress.  The blond boy had disappeared from the window.
Tim walked out the door.

I wanted to follow him, so I was trying to extricate myself from the sheets,
in which I was suddenly ensnared.  The harder I struggled, the more they
seemed to hold me back.

"Evan . . . Wake up, Evan . . . Evan . . . It's okay, Evan."  I awakened to
Kenny holding my shoulders.  "You're having a nightmare."  I stared at
him.  Just a nightmare.  "You're okay."

I sighed, flopping back in the bed.  Jeremy wandered sleepily into the
room, naked.  I suddenly noticed that Kenny was nude as well.

"What's up?" he asked, looking at Kenny.

"Evan was having a nightmare.  He was yelling for Tim not to leave him."

"I'm sorry, guys.  I didn't mean to awaken you."

"Move over," Jeremy directed.  I scooted over next to Kenny so that I was
in the middle of the bed.  Jeremy moved in on one side of me, and Kenny
lay on the other.  They rolled toward me, each throwing an arm and a leg
over me.  They smelled like they had had a sex romp.

"You guys smell good," I whispered.  They giggled.  "It was good,"
Kenny whispered back, "with the cocksman over there at the helm."

"Hey, a sandwich," Jeremy said.  "You're safe now, Evan.  You're not
alone.  We're here with you.  Go to sleep.  We won't leave you," he said
with emphasis on the pronoun "we" and the verb "leave."

Their warm flesh was comforting.  I was in actual contact with someone.  I
let out a sigh, drifting off, feeling them hold me and hold me down,
anchoring me.

(To be continued.)