Date: Tue, 11 Dec 2001 16:53:24 -0800 (PST)
From: Evan Bradley <EBradley33@excite.com>
Subject: Chapter 24 of "Ambush"
The following fictional story deals with sex among males. If you
are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area
where it is not allowed, depart. Though not observed in this story,
care enough about yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.
The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to other
sites are allowed without the author's consent.
EBradley33@Excite.com
Chapter 24
Debriefings and Decampings
I was sitting in the family room Sunday evening checking out the
weather forecast on TV when I heard the front door open. Had to be
Jeremy returning from his Thanksgiving weekend with Kenny and his
parents. He walked down the hall to his bedroom. As he set the
suitcase and garment bag he had borrowed ('Hey, gift idea,' I
thought) in his bedroom, Jeremy spotted me in the family room.
"Evan, I'm ba-a-a-a-a-ck!"
"Where's Kenny?" I asked.
"We thought it better that he didn't come back with me. Maybe a
little restraint was in order. And I think, after all our time
together, his parents wanted to talk to him about us after I left.
You know - debriefing."
"So how did it go with Jeremy's parents?"
"I think it's going to be okay. We all enjoyed being together.
Visited. Played cards. Watched a couple of movies together. And
we talked a lot. Nothing tense. Just a little stiff at first. I
think they are going to be okay with Jeremy and me as a couple and
with our going to State U together. But they haven't said yes or no.
Kenny's parents love him a lot. It made me feel good to be around
parents like that; I realize what I've missed for most of my years.
I'm happy for him. And Kenny's proud of his parents, considering
the issue we threw in their laps. Made me happy for him but sad
that my folks couldn't get in the parent groove."
"Jeremy, I want to encourage you to take on one of life's most
difficult challenges - moving beyond the deprivations that have
occurred in your life - in this instance, having parents in name
only. I myself am largely a failure in rising above a couple of
things I never had that were my due. But I have faith in you, in
your strength, which is considerable. If you discover somewhere
down the road that you can't rise above never receiving what your
parents owed you, don't beat yourself up. Most of us never can
forget, never can convince ourselves, that we can still be whole
in the face of missing important elements in our early lives."
I paused. He merely gazed into my eyes. "Maybe one has to
travel farther down the road of life before that wisdom has any
meaning," that inner voice observed.
"So you enjoyed yourself?"
"Yes. . . . I had to be on my best behavior. I knew all the
time that I was being observed, studied, judged. It's a little
hard to relax when all that's going on. But I knew it was necessary.
I think when all of us can get past this initial stuff, we'll relax
more."
I had arisen while he was talking and moved over to him. He looked
so handsome standing there, towering over me. All of a sudden I flew
off my crutches onto him. He staggered, yelped, and tumbled to the
carpet with me on top of him. He lay there laughing. It was a most
erotic feeling, the muscles in his flat stomach shaking in laughter
under mine, our cocks rubbing together due to the same motion.
"Evan! What's with your jumping me lately when you want to have a
serious talk? You don't have to ambush me like this to get my
attention." He immediately colored. "Okay . . . that's what I did
to you at the stairs at school, but I expect you to be a bigger
person."
"I can't help it. It's an overabundance of emotion for you." I
leaned down and kissed him. "Thank you for arranging for Susan to
come over with a Thanksgiving dinner AND dining with me just so I
wouldn't be alone. We had a great visit!" I just stared into
those eyes. "You amaze and delight me. I'm so fortunate to have
you as my student, my friend, my roommate."
He quickly rolled over, his body pressing down erotically on mine,
his long arms holding my hands above my head. "Not your son?" We
stared into each other's eyes. I could feel his cock growing hard.
Mine responded.
"However you wish it; whatever makes you comfortable."
He looked into my soul for a bit. "Evan, I'm the lucky one. I have
a beautiful, talented, sexy little lover. I also have a wonderful
friend who has saved me many times, including giving me refuge when I
was homeless."
"Oh, I guess that means I'm not sexy," I exclaimed as though I were
offended.
He laughed, jiggling his belly on mine. Then he wriggled his hips,
making our dicks go harder. "Could I bone up so quickly and so hard
if you weren't sexy?" he asked. He looked up around the room. "I
live in a wonderful home that I love. I have a new car. I have
other wonderful friends when I thought I had none. . . . I look good
enough that I notice people staring at me. . . . People listen to me
as though what I say is worthy of attention. . . . I'm finally in a
position where people trust me enough to allow me to help them.
Thank you for all you've done for me, but mostly for loving me. I
know you do, Evan. You love me. And just so you know - because
you won't ask me, I missed you a lot. Kenny's parents' love for
him reminded me of the way you feel about me, so I was thinking of
you constantly." Here he leaned down and kissed me with considerable
heat.
When he broke away, I started breathing again. "Wow! What was that
for?"
"Kenny and I have had hardly any sex the entire vacation," he wailed.
"Ah-oh. Why?"
"Kenny slept in his room, and I slept in the guest room. It was the way
his parents wanted it, I guess, until they get used to us. We certainly
weren't going to push the issue of our sleeping together. I think by
Friday night they could have changed their minds, but the sleeping
arrangements had been set. Would have been awkward to change at that
point. One night, when we made an emergency run to the grocery store for
a few things Mrs. Walters needed for her wonderful chili, we pulled into
an alley and gave each other a quick blowjob. All it did was make us
hot for more."
"Sounds frustrating."
"It was, but we played along with it because too much is riding on the
Walters' coming to terms with us. We can do without now in order to
have an open relationship later."
He leaned down and laid another hot kiss on me. "But I have to tell
you that I'm horny as hell. Care to help a friend out?"
"How could I? I'm not sexy," I replied in a pout.
Jeremy leaned down and began licking my face, ears, my neck. A moan
escaped my lips. He snickered. My eyebrows arched. "Think you have
me, huh? Listen, bub, I'm not easy."
"You're panting," he replied, mischievously.
"That's because this big lug is lying on top of me, cutting off my
air."
"Bull," he retorted, his eyes glittering with lust.
"What have you got in mind? No wait - what about Kenny?"
"As I was leaving, he whispered 'Nail Evan' in my ear and then grinned
that beautiful way he does. So now I'm going to fulfill his command."
"Why do I feel like a substitute?" I asked, grinning back.
"No, Evan. You aren't a substitute. I love you. I'm MAKING love to
you. I want to give you as much pleasure as I take from you, Daddy."
My eyebrows arched in surprise, for he meant it; he wasn't being flip.
"I didn't have an opportunity to choose my first dad. That's what
makes our relationship so special, Evan. I chose you." He hugged me
tightly, then lifted his head, looked into my eyes, then leaned down
and kissed me hard.
We broke from the kiss: "I don't want to spoil the moment, but I
need to say something that you must consider."
"Shoot," he said, adopting one of my favorite expressions.
"Your father apparently didn't know enough or wasn't secure enough to
see the possibilities that existed for you and him. However, he could
act only on what he could see. . . . You've got it, Jeremy. You're a
total man. We just have to believe, had your dad been capable of
recognizing all that is wonderful about you, that he would have
developed a better relationship. What I hope you will understand is
that his inability to perceive your marvelous qualities does not mean
that they don't exist.
"Kenny loves you. After Robert rejected him, you saved him. Troy and
Susan both love you - not like - LOVE you! Those friends who came to
your party weren't here just to fill in an evening. They were here
because they care for you. Like Troy, you have emerged as a leader.
And there's something of the healer about you; Cody's already told me
how you are attentive to someone in your group who's down or having
some kind of difficulty.
"Finally, yes, I love you. I do, Jeremy - in so many ways. My life
is better and richer for your being in it." I leaned up and kissed
him back hard. When we broke the kiss, he rolled off of me, knelt,
slid his arms under me, picked me up and carried me to his bed, where
he stopped. "Pull the bedspread and sheets back." I did as directed.
He dropped me on the bed.
"Strip," he ordered. I pulled my clothes off while I watched him do
the same.
When Jeremy removed his jockeys, his musk immediately assaulted my
olfactory senses. It wasn't unpleasant. Talk about putting a bone
in a guy's dick! When I had been around him on the two previous
occasions when he had made love to me and when he and Kenny had slept
with me after Tim dumped me, his scent hadn't been this strong. I
knew that on this occasion it was due to his frustrated sexual
attraction to Kenny over the weekend. I loved it. It was so strong
it shortened my breath and made my heart speed up.
He stood looking down on me, smiling. He was gently pulling on his
cock. It wasn't necessary, for it looked like a seven-inch steel
pipe. His balls weren't hanging as low as I'd seen before, which
told me that it wouldn't take much for him to explode. That wouldn't
do. He walked over and climbed onto the bed. When he was
precariously balanced with both hands and one knee on the mattress,
I grabbed him around the waist, rolling him over me onto his back.
He looked a little wild-eyed. I held him down with a hand in the
center of his chest, scooted down a little, and started polishing
the cute flared knob topping his tube with my tongue. A surprised
"Oh" puffed out of his mouth.
His cock was hard, but the flesh felt smooth on my tongue. He had
already emitted precum. I made certain to "rasp" the head with the
rough part of my tongue, eliciting another moan from him.
I pulled off a second to swish my thumb in the saliva in my mouth.
When I went back to the knob of his cock, I moved my thumb into his
crack, running it around his pucker. Every little bit, I bent my
thumb so that the top began to move into this interior (he'd never
expressed an interest in being penetrated). Still, that maneuver
brought an exclamation - of delight, I knew.
I moved down on his dick, then back up. When I reached the top, I
opened my mouth and ran my tongue fast down the bottom side of his
cock. When I reached his balls, I gave them about half a dozen
vigorous swipes with my tongue, moving them in their tightening sack,
then back up to the cap. He was moaning continually now, pushing his
cock into my mouth. My thumb continued its ministrations to his
pucker. Wow! It was quivering, trembling. I watched as his ass
began to arch slowly off the mattress. He shouted as I felt cum
shoot back in my throat. Every time he shot, his ass arched off the
bed, and he made soft exclamations. His ass must have arched eight
times. Gradually, he stopped shooting, so I pulled off and ran my
tongue down his cock, which hadn't softened a bit.
He reached down with both hands, unceremoniously pulling my head up
to his face. I had to scramble to keep him from pulling my head
off my neck. His eyes were closed, but he planted a perfect kiss
on my lips. When we broke the kiss, he panted, "That was hot.
I haven't shot that hard in a long time. But I was hoping to make
it last, Cum Bandit."
The ornery side of me grinned: "Haven't you ever heard that it
isn't over until the fat lady sings." I grabbed his hard cock,
squeezing it. "Oh, look - she's still fat as ever, still on
center stage - sassy too. I think she'll be ready to belt one
out again soon." We both giggled.
"Let's give the old girl a smoke break," Jeremy sighed. "Come
here and let me hold you." He scooped me into his arms, pushing
my head down on his chest. His skin was smooth and warm. I felt
protected and valued. A cat wouldn't have purred louder. After
five minutes, he began caressing my ass cheeks - light, feathery
brushings of the very tips of his fingers over the flesh and just
into the crack. My hand moved to his cock, which hadn't softened
in the least. I replicated his feathery caresses up one side and
down the other of his tube, then around the head, then down to his
balls. A little more handling was required to move under his
balls, but I managed.
He whispered, "We can't hurt Kenny's feelings by ignoring him. I
have to nail you to stay true to my Lover's commands." I grinned.
He spent ten minutes kissing my grin away. With one swipe of his
paw the pillows flew off the bed. He grabbed one off the floor,
lifting my ass and placing it under me. Then he dived onto my cock,
replicating all the movements I'd made on his. He slathered my balls
with his spit, biting the scrotal skin and pulling it away from my
body. What a wonderful assault! It reminded me of how a lion might
play with its prey. Then he licked up and down my perineum,
occasionally taking little nips at my choad.
Finally, he reached his goal, licking and biting my ass lips. I
couldn't help it - I was writhing. His head rose up to check me
out, spit shining his lips and around his mouth. "Evan, your man
smell is driving me crazy!" When he dove back down again, slicking
two of his fingers with spit and driving them into me without any
preliminary softening of muscles at the opening. While his fingers
plunged in, he continued licking my pucker. He was in charge, in
command. His fingers were pounding into me, but he'd pull them
out until only the tips were inside. Then they'd do a little dance
just inside the lips of my hole. Lust gleamed in his eyes, sort of
a wild smile quirking across his face, constantly changing
his lips and mouth. Then he'd cap my cock, sucking hard on just the
top few of my seven inches.
Finally, he arose, his shoulders flung back, his lats flared, his
pecs full, his eyes gleaming, his knees wide apart, his steely
cock thrust out, his balls slightly swaying in their sack. It
was the posture I often fantasized Keanu Reeves adopted before
conquering me (well, everyone can dream, right?). He reached
over into the nightstand, extracting the lube. He popped the
top, squeezed out a dollop in his hand, and swiped it up and
down his dick. He used the flat of his hand to wipe the residue
around and on my hole. He flung the tube aside. He grabbed the
base of his cock, aiming it at my hole as he fell on me.
"Oh-h-h-h!" I exclaimed and his cocked ripped into me, creating a
most pleasant burn as it shot into my depths.
"Payback time," he grinned evilly.
Then he started pounding his cock into me. He moved up to plant
a hot, hard, demanding kiss on my lips. I threw my arms and legs
around him, cleaving to him tightly. We were both moaning into
our kiss.
He drew back. "This is for the male who fills my fantasies with
his little body; his long cock and hairy balls; his cute, hairy
ass; his hairy, muscular legs. I've got him. He's in my control."
I began pushing up to meet his thrusts, squeezing my ass muscles
tight on his cock as I pulled back. His eyes widened. A contest!
He swiped his hand around his cock and my ass and spread the excess
lube on my cock and his stomach. Then he flattened himself on me
so that his stomach was masturbating my dick. Without any conscious
thought, my ass arched up, tightening my cock against his stomach.
"Oh man! Hot! Hot! Hot!" he exclaimed. Sweat had formed on our
foreheads and upper lips. We were staring into each other's eyes.
I was being propelled to an orgasm. My cock was expanding as was his.
We were huffing like long-distance runners. Time didn't even exist.
Just sensation. Just us. Just the mega-link between us. He
squeezed his eyes shut, a loud "Unh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h," escaping him.
"Jeremy," I gasped. "Evan," he replied breathily. We shot together.
We must have continued pumping for a minutes, gradually slowing.
Though he was on top of me, his weight suddenly collapsed onto me.
It was wonderful. I held him tightly. He smeared a messy kiss
across my lips, his longer hair tickling my forehead.
We lay exhausted for 15 minutes. I never wanted it to end. Oddly,
his cock was still hard in me. It hadn't softened at all. It must
have been such a powerful orgasm that it would require a little
time for it to come down.
Then he raised his head, staring into my eyes. There was that
mischievous gleam again. How could he manage that after the way
we used all our circuits? "This is for Daddy," he leered.
I blurted out, "You can't mean it. After all that you want more?
You have more?"
His smile softened. "For the man who believes completely in me,
who saved me, who protects me from life's nasty surprises, who
loves me, guides me, gives me hope? I love you, Dad. I want to
love you. I want you to love me. I want us to join completely the
way only two men can."
I started to speak, but he gently placed his hand over my mouth,
anticipating my thoughts. "Kenny and I have talked about it. You
not only become the father I choose, but you become Kenny's
father-in-law, another dad for him. About the third time he and I
fucked, after we knew we were in love with each other, we talked
about this - right here in this bed. He told me about his fucking
you and your fucking him. It made us so hot that we had to get off
again, the first time we'd had a multiple fuck.
Kenny loves you too, Evan, every bit as much as I do. I can tell you
right now that he and I are going to ambush you some day. Dad and his
sons who chose him! Hot! I'll have to guard against telling Troy or
he'll be here with Cody horning in. Get it? 'Horning in.'" We both
laughed, which caused his cock to begin little thrusting movements.
Before I realized it, he pulled out, rolled me over, and pushed his
cock into me. He kept moving his head around and turning mine so
that he could kiss me, showing me his love. I returned everything
in like degree. It was slow, easy, mellow. No words. Just reading
each other's eyes, kissing, making love. I knew we were approaching
another orgasm, for our breaths shortened and our ardor increased.
But we didn't speed up. Just kept it slow and easy. Finally, we
couldn't help it. Our bodies were trembling, warning of a major
cataclysm. I felt it first in my hands and feet, but it moved slowly
to the center of me, making my ass rise and push back into Jeremy.
I moaned, "Oh Son." He whispered, "Dad." Then we jammed into each
other, our joint orgasm lifting us like a giant ocean swell. As he
climaxed, his hands began stroking whatever part of my body was
there. Though awkward given our positions, I did the same to his body.
We must have immediately fallen asleep, for I didn't awaken until the
next morning. We hadn't shifted our positions even one degree. He
was still lying on my back, clasping me to him. The smells of our
love making still hung about us, turning me on. I couldn't believe
it. My cock was hardening. So was Jeremy's - still inside me.
He began thrusting. I reached over his ass and down to caress his
balls. "Come on, Son. Pump another load into Dad. Help him get
started on a new day." I heard a small laugh as he followed orders.
We were hot and horny again. After only about five minutes we
shared another orgasm.
He snickered. "Am I a love god or what?" I chuckled. "No argument
here."
* * *
Jeremy bopped off to school ahead of me. I knew he was anxious to
hear about Kenny's debriefing with his parents, and I was certain Kenny
wanted all the details about how Jeremy had nailed me. When I arrived
at school, instead of going upstairs first, I had to stop by the main
office to drop off a memo. As I stood waiting for a secretary to finish
helping a student, I looked out the glass doors into the main foyer of
the school. Troy, Cody, Jeremy, and Kenny were huddled, talking
animatedly, occasionally looking at me. Lots of grinning, shaking of
heads as though in disbelief, clapping Jeremy on the back. 'Oh, Kenny
and Jeremy have told them about what they accomplished with Kenny's
parents over the weekend,' I thought.
As I stood waiting, I scanned the students streaming into the building.
It was Monday of the week before Christmas. Clearly, spirits were
heightened in anticipation of the holiday and vacation. I gave my memo
to the secretary with an explanation and left the office for my
classroom. I couldn't make it up the stairs as fast on my crutches
as students, but they gave me a wide berth, using the occasion to say
hello. It reminded me of how younger students liked to greet
teachers and be greeted in return as though we were familiars. But
upper-class students were just as ready to greet me. 'It's because of
all the popular kids in my classes,' I thought.
Some students were already in their desks awaiting the start of
classes when I arrived. I doffed my coat, pulled out my grade book and
calendar, and started preparing for class. Just before the bell rang,
a glut of students, anticipating the event, charged into the room. I
was waiting for them to take their seats so that I could take roll.
The bell rang. I started roll. As I looked up, I saw Troy grinning
broadly. I wondered what was up with that. He looked at Jeremy, who
was grinning back just as broadly. Kenny's shoulders were shaking with
giggles. I looked at Susan, who ducked her head but not before I saw
that she was sharing in some joke with all of them. This round of
behavior was repeated as I continued taking roll. Startling everyone,
Troy burst out with one of his belly laughs, making Kenny giggle out
loud. Jeremy joined Troy in laughter, and Susan's shoulders were
shaking that way they do when she's trying to hide her laughter.
I studied each one in turn, my mouth caught in a puzzled, half grin.
Several students were caught up by the hilarity, for they started
giggling and laughing too. My head cocked to the side as I tried to
fathom what had set them all off. I wasn't going to be caught again
checking to see if my zipper was down. I was looking at Troy, who
shot a look at Jeremy. I hadn't studied their demeanor anytime at
all before my eyes widened. Jeremy told them about our sex romp! I
turned Christmas red. Troy lost it, knowing that I had figured out
who was the butt and cause of this laugh fest.
Now the entire class was laughing. Even I had my hand over my mouth
to disguise my smile. But I broke over and started laughing with them.
Their laughter increased in volume when they saw that I had joined them.
Although the rest of the students didn't know the cause, they were
laughing right along with us, proving how infectious laughter can be -
all but LaRonda that is. She was studying us all, frowning.
Finally, many in the room focused on her. She blurted out, "There are
people in this room who have information I don't possess!" Now
the room burst into a roar of laughter, for the rest of the students
had something to identify as the cause of their mirth. I saw Kathleen
smiling as she peeked around the doorframe to gently pull my door shut.
I gave her a high sign of thanks for closing the door. I noticed that
even LaRonda had given up being in high dudgeon and was laughing with us.
I had to face the board because I was laughing so hard.
Gradually, we quieted so that I could set them to work in groups
preparing for an essay that was due soon. They were moving toward a
research paper in the second semester, so we were studying how to use
evidence in an essay. During group work, a student worker came into my
classroom to hand me a note. It bore Jeremy's name. I called him to my
desk, holding the note out to him. He walked to the front of the room for
it, returned to his group, opened it, and read the message impassively.
Both Kenny and I were studying Jeremy, trying to read his reaction. So
were all the gang - Susan and Troy, Tony and Angela, Jarod, LaRonda and
LeKeisha, Rosalie, Beth and Paul, Greg - everyone in the entire class
actually, for Jeremy had become a popular leader. It made me feel good
that that many people cared about him. A far cry from his erroneous
perception early in the year that people looked down on him as an
inferior.
We continued working until the end of the period, but I noticed that
Jeremy was subdued. In fact, he'd stopped participating in his group at
all. I had chosen him as the group's anchor, for his leadership abilities
and concern for others made him a natural for such a position. Thus,
this behavior was most unlike him. My brow furrowed, wondering what
was in that note.
I meant to check with Jeremy after class to see if all was well, but he
disappeared like a puff of smoke. Again, that behavior wasn't customary.
He usually waited for Kenny, and those two frequently sauntered along with
Troy and Susan, true buddies, glad of each other's company. An ominous
turn of events! Jeremy would never receive a note from another teacher
or the head office summoning him to a meeting for some kind of infraction.
Work maybe? But why would they call him at school, and why would it prompt
such behavior on his part? He didn't even wait for Kenny!
At lunch, Kenny came to my classroom. His brow was wrinkled, his worry
obvious. "Evan, do you know where Jeremy is?"
"No, I was hoping you knew."
"I haven't seen him since after first hour. He shot out of here before I
could catch him. I'm worried. I've looked for him all over the school;
he's not here."
The more information Kenny imparted, the faster he spoke, his panic
becoming apparent. All of a sudden it hit me. I stood, grabbing my
crutches. "Kenny, come here." I held my arms open. He walked rapidly
into them. I hugged him tightly, speaking softly into his ear. "This
situation isn't like the one with Robert, Kenny. You're not losing
Jeremy. He hasn't run away from you."
Kenny hugged me tighter. "I can't help it, Evan. Why am I so afraid?"
I could tell that he was on the verge of tears.
"Because this situation feels like the one with Robert, those old
feelings crowd to the front, pushing out thought. You're operating
entirely on raw emotion. It's understandable, Kenny. However, Jeremy
wouldn't want you to be fearful about anything. Don't worry," I
consoled. "We'll see what we can find out. Come on."
He followed me down the short hall to the longer hall, to the stairs,
down those to the foyer. I was looking for Kate Williams. Since
Jeremy's party, she'd taken to working the halls during lunch to visit
with students. It was paying off for everyone. I overheard more students
speaking positively about Kate and about the school. There was growing
pride in the school and themselves. I spotted her with a group of
freshmen, chatting and joking away. When I caught her eye, she walked
over to Kenny and me.
After we exchanged greetings - Kenny's worried demeanor was not lost
on her, I began, "Kate, Jeremy received a note during my first-hour
class this morning. He bolted out of the room after the class ended,
but we haven't seen him about. Is there any information you could
give us?"
Troy, Susan, and Cody stopped as they were walking by, joining us
because they deduced that we were talking about Jeremy. Troy threw an
arm over Kenny's shoulder, causing Kenny to look up at him with grateful
eyes. Tony and Angela soon joined us.
Looking at their concerned faces, Kate imparted what she knew: "I know
only that his mother called the office early this morning with a request
to pass some information on to Jeremy. I can see by your faces that you
are worried. I know Jeremy well enough that he'd want you to know.
"Jeremy's father has run off, leaving Jeremy's mother alone. I think
she's worried about surviving. She wanted to talk to Jeremy. After your
class, Evan, he came to my office seeking permission to go talk to his
mother. Since the situation fell under our Family Emergency Policy, I
gave him permission to go. I guess the office is a little slow in getting
the notices to teachers. . . . Oh no, since Jeremy had completed your class,
Evan, you wouldn't receive that notice. Only the teachers in whose classes
Jeremy had yet to appear would receive notification.
I should have thought of that and sent you a notice anyway. I apologize."
Kenny looked at me, at Kate, then at the others. He clearly was confused,
at a loss for words, for he wasn't certain of the implications of this
unexpected turn of events. Feeling the need to diminish his fear, I
suggested, "Kenny, after classes, why don't you come over and wait for
Jeremy to come home. That's probably where you'll be most likely to run
into him first. I doubt you'll have to wait long before he'll arrive
there."
Kenny looked a little relieved, telling me that he'd come to my classroom
after his last class and follow me home. He thanked Kate and wandered
away like a lost waif. Cody and Troy glanced at each other, sharing a
telepathic message. Cody took off after Kenny, hailing him to wait up.
When he reached Kenny he threw an arm over Kenny's shoulders, leaning down
and talking softly in his ear. Kate and I looked at each other, both fully
understanding how Kenny was feeling. Kate smiled at me. "Keep me posted,
Evan. You know whom to call if I can be any help."
I smiled back. "Oh, yeah, the Master Mover. I wouldn't pass up your
abilities." She laughed and walked over to a group of students lounging
next to one of the big planters in the foyer. Something in the account
Kate had related didn't add up, but it went by so fast and I was so
focused on Kenny that I had time only to note a discrepancy, not what it
was. Oh well, my subconscious would work it out.
* * *
Kenny followed me home, parked at the curb, and moped up the walk to
the door where I was waiting for him. "Hey, Kenny, why so glum?"
"I don't want Jeremy to be feeling bad. But I know Jeremy realized that
his dad didn't just run away from his wife; he ran away from Jeremy too.
Jeremy may be down because he may never see his dad again. And I'm
afraid this is going to change our relationship."
"Well, I don't think it will. Why would it? Perhaps one way to look at
it is to consider that, with his dad gone from his life, Jeremy may need
you even more."
Kenny studied me. It was wonderful to see the dawning of a smile on his
face. We entered the living room. "Help yourself to whatever you want
in the refrigerator, Kenny. I'm going to drop this stuff off."
When I had moved from the study, where I left my attache and headed to
the bedroom, I heard a knock on the door. I crutched into the living
room, opening the door. There stood Troy and Susan and Cody. "Hey, guys,
come in. What's up?"
"Evan," Troy began, "do you mind if we wait here for Jeremy. We're
worried about him too. We thought we'd be here if he needed us in some
way."
"Of course I don't mind. It always feels to me that you all belong here,"
I explained, smiling. "I think Jeremy will be gratified to find his
friends circling around him. Kenny's in the kitchen raiding the
refrigerator. Why don't you join him? Get whatever you want."
Because they had congregated so often in the sunroom, Kenny, Troy,
Susan, and Cody returned there. I was just ready to head to the
kitchen for something to drink when I heard a knock at the front door.
'Hm-m-m-m, do I see a pattern forming here?' I thought. Upon opening
the door, there were LaRonda and Clifton with Tony and Angela.
"Don't tell me," I said, smiling. "You guys are here to await Jeremy's
return." They laughed, affirming the purpose of their visit. "Join the
crew in the sunroom, but go to the kitchen if you want a drink or
anything." Clifton came over and hugged me, leaving LaRonda beaming.
Clearly, he was feeling closer to this group, feeling that he belonged
even though we didn't see him that often. I hugged his hunky body,
not thinking the purest of thoughts. Good thing LaRonda didn't know.
LaRonda and Angela moved out to the kitchen after checking what their
men wanted.
I walked to the sunroom door. "You all may be here a while, so you can
put your coats on my bed if you like." Cody and Kenny began collecting
coats and ferried them to my bed. Another summons to the door revealed
Jarod and Valerie. After greeting them and pointing them to the group,
Valerie and I spent a minute visiting since our paths didn't cross that
much. I was delighted with the opportunity, for her positive disposition
and tranquil, classy demeanor always left me feeling good. As we moved
to the sunroom, I could see that healthy chatting had already sprung up.
In fact, one would have had to raise his voice if he intended to make an
announcement.
We had visited for perhaps half an hour. I noticed that Kenny kept
checking his wristwatch. Suddenly, the front door opened and Jeremy
walked into the living room. In my peripheral field I saw a flash. Next
thing I knew Kenny was throwing himself into Jeremy's arms so hard that
I heard a soft "Oooomph" escape from Jeremy. Poor Jeremy. I wouldn't
blame him if he decided he had become a blocking dummy. It was just a
measure of the love and loyalty he evoked from others.
Kenny's arms were clasped tightly around Jeremy, and Jeremy returned
the hug. Kenny looked up into Jeremy's face. Jeremy bent down to
exchange a long, warm kiss. When they broke, they stood for a few
moments, just looking into each other's eyes, reading their own secret
language there. I could tell that Kenny no longer felt any threat of
losing Jeremy. He was still the object of Jeremy's love.
Finally, Jeremy looked up at us in the sunroom. Was it the situation that
made him look so handsome? The chatter had ceased while all watched
Jeremy reassure Kenny. I was pleased to see that the group was smiling at
the two lovers. "What meeting did I miss?" Jeremy asked, returning the
smiles. The women arose and moved quickly to Jeremy, all hugging him
and he them.
Jarod arose and walked to Jeremy. "Hey man, quit groping my woman.
Let me grope you." To my astonishment, uptight, straight Jarod gave
Jeremy a bear hug, and Jeremy snickered in Jarod's ear. I knew Jarod's
joking was just cover for an excess of emotion for Jeremy. It was also
indicative of Jarod's realization that he belonged in this group. I was
proud of him for acting on his friendly impulse instead of being
suspicious of it. I'd have to find an occasion to endorse his trusting
himself and his feelings at a higher level than I'd ever observed.
I caught Troy's eye; he had perceived exactly the same dynamics in Jarod.
The other men moved over to Jeremy. Clifton hugged Jeremy, as did
Cody and Troy, but the latter planted a kiss on Jeremy's cheek. Their
eyes locked, a message shooting between them.
'What a day for telepathy,' I mused. 'Why today?' Immediately the
answer hit me. We had all become so attuned to each other, our feelings
were so congruent, and we were so focused on Jeremy and Kenny that
little was required in the way of communication. I kept to my seat so
that the friends could have their turn reconnecting with Jeremy. Kenny
scooted off to the kitchen for a Coke for Jeremy.
Jeremy found a space on the floor on the other side of the room. When
he'd had a swig of the Coke Kenny had handed him (Kenny had plopped
down snug up against Jeremy, who draped an arm across Kenny's
shoulders, while Kenny looked up at him worshipfully), Jeremy looked
around the group. "My dad's run away," he said laughing but blushing
too. "My folks are pick-up people. He took our pick-up, kept this
month's paycheck, and cleaned out the bank account except for the $100
he left for my mom and the old car she uses to drive to work. He didn't
leave a note or anything. I think he's probably going back to Wyoming,
where we came from, probably to work on a ranch. He was never happy
living and working in a city. He's a country boy," he smiled wanly. His
eyes filled with tears. "I guess he was probably desperately unhappy. He
was a man who always preached duty and responsibility - at least as far as
he understood those virtues. Some fierce need drove him to violate them,
I guess. It was certainly stronger than any feeling he had for Mom or me."
Jeremy had another swallow of Coke, then looked down at the carpet.
"My mom's a traditional country woman; she thinks she has to have a man
looking after her. She's not very capable of navigating on her own. When
Dad didn't come home from work last night, she worried. But when she
awakened this morning and he wasn't there, she panicked. She drove over
to the construction site where he worked. She found out that he had
collected his last check and then quit, leaving no forwarding address.
When she returned home, she discovered that he'd been there to collect his
clothes and belongings while she was gone. He must have been watching,
waiting for her to leave.
"To say she was stressed would be to put it mildly. So she turned to the
next man in her life, her son, whom they had kicked out. Well, to be
accurate, my dad kicked me out, but she didn't utter a word, didn't come
to my defense even when he beat me and told me to get my stuff and get
out." His bitterness was apparent in the stress that he put on the work
"out" and the sharp sound he made when he enunciated the "t." Kenny
put his arm around Jeremy's waist. I felt that dissonance that occurred
when Kate first told us about Jeremy's father. Again, I couldn't put my
finger on its cause.
Jeremy looked down at Kenny, kissed his cheek, and then arose. Before
Jeremy explained any more, he came over to my chair, knelt down, put his
head in my lap and dug his arms behind me to hug me. Since a hug from
me was impossible, given Jeremy's flat posture, I rubbed my hand gently
up and down his back. His shoulders began shaking. He was crying! I
looked up at the group in surprise. They were caught off guard as much as
I. Leaning down, I kissed him on the head. Kenny came over, knelt down
by Jeremy, throwing his arm across Jeremy's shoulders. The group
watched somberly. LaRonda and Angela were dabbing at tears in their
eyes.
Eventually, Jeremy raised his head, his eyes filled with tears. "She
wants me to come back to her place to live, Evan. I'm so sorry, but I
have to do it. She's frightened she won't make it. Where her family
comes from, one of the great fears is that bad luck will force people
to go live "on the poor farm." I hate running out on you again, Evan.
I hate leaving here. I love this home. I've been so happy here. So
much good has happened for me here. But I have to go back to Mom's
place. If I don't, I'm no better than Dad. She's worried, I know,
now that Dad's taken off. She's afraid she won't make it." He
gulped. "Maybe, with Dad gone, we'll have a chance to develop a
relationship."
"Jeremy, you're a decent person. Helping your mother is a filial
obligation. You have to do this. Among life's most unpleasant burdens
is a huge regret looming over one's existence. I don't want that to
happen to you, but it would be your fate if your ignored your mother's
plight. You'd wonder the rest of your life if circumstances could have
been better for the both of you if you had just cooperated. . . .When
are you leaving?"
"I'll move into her place tomorrow since I don't have to work. I'll
leave my car here."
I stared at him blankly. "Why would you do that?"
"Well, I'm not living here anymore. You paid for it. I should leave
it here."
I glanced quickly at the group, not certain if Jeremy was aware of the
private information he was divulging. My face betrayed my concern, so
Jeremy reassured me: "It's okay, Evan. They know. I told them."
I looked up at the group. They were smiling. Ever sensitive to the need
to lighten a moment, Tony popped off, "Evan, I want a different color
when you buy me my car." I heard snickering. I shot Tony a grin.
I smiled down on Jeremy. "Listen, Turkey, whose name is on the title?"
He grinned. "Oh yeah, mine."
"You own that car! I think it's against law to abandon a new car as you
suggested. I'll continue to pay the insurance and taxes - the tax bill
will come to this address. Have I your permission to open it and pay it."
He grinned mischievously. "Well, I don't know: I value my privacy. The
thought of someone's opening my mail - even it if is a tax bill - makes my
flesh crawl." Relieved laughter poured out of the group.
"One more thing. You'll be moving back to your mother's house. But your
name is still on that room down the hall. You can leave whatever you wish
there. It will always be there for you if you need it. This is still your
home. You need a harbor? You come here. Keep the key. Use it when
necessary."
His eyes were full of tears again. "Thank you, Evan," he whispered.
"If you lose your key, we all still have ours," Tony observed. I looked up
in surprise, studying the group.
"How many people in this room do NOT have keys to my house?" I asked with
vinegar. Valerie, Clifton, and Cody held up their hands. "How did you all
get keys to my house?"
"We got them when we were assigned to Halsey's Posse before you came home
from the hospital. We were afraid there might be a time you couldn't get
to the door or would be sleeping when our assigned babysitting time arrived,
so I had keys made for everyone," Tony explained, grinning in delight.
"Yeah," Jarod said, "we've been hanging extras in public restrooms all over
the city, especially truck stops. And we leave your phone number on a card
with the key." My eyebrows shot up. The group roared. I decided I wouldn't
pursue that line about truck stops or Jarod's reason for uttering it.
I looked at the group. "I think I feel a pizza moment coming on. Maybe
someone will help me figure out an order. We'll have it delivered." And we
did. Actually, it was a stroke of coincidental fortune, for it kept
Jeremy's last night at home from being funereal.
After the group departed, Jeremy was in his room deciding what to take to
his mother's. Kenny was helping. "If I may make a suggestion," I
interrupted, "maybe you want to think about leaving some of your things here.
You don't know how this arrangement will turn out. I don't know how much
space you have in your bedroom at your mother's. And it may comfort you to
still feel connected here. Then you'll feel okay about coming here to use
the computer, to study, to meet Kenny" - my eyes gleamed wickedly on that
last remark and I waved my eyebrows.
They looked at each other. "You wouldn't mind if we met here to know each
other carnally?" Jeremy asked archly.
"It's your room, Jeremy," I said. "What you do here is your business."
So Jeremy packed a week's worth of his clothes and a few other
belongings. Kenny helped him load them in Jeremy's car. Then he said a
heated good-bye, promising to see Jeremy in class the next day. Since we
had school the next day and events had left us a little drained, Jeremy
and I retired shortly thereafter.
It was only when I had finally reached my bed, after I had tried to sort
through all of the possible permutations the future held for Jeremy and
his mother, that it hit me. 'You'll be alone at Christmas.' Over the
next 15 minutes, the idea sank in. 'I am not going through that
Thanksgiving angst again,' I told myself. "Then decide to handle the
situation differently," I heard that inner voice counsel.
I thought about visiting one of my brothers. Brad, a bachelor, had
called recently to regale me with his sexual exploits. I guess that's
what he thought big brothers were for. Only trouble was he was never
interested in what I was doing. For Christmas, he was going skiing in
Switzerland with one of his bunnies.
I hadn't talked to Ted. If Ted called one of us, he was warm,
frequently chiding us for not calling. But if one of us called him,
he was cold, leaving us feeling that we were pulling him away from an
important ballgame on TV. Weary of it, I had quit phoning him.
Besides, I knew he and his family would be visiting Beverly's parents
in Idaho.
That left Tim, but his wife, Rachel insisted on spending their holidays
with her family. She - and her family, the Lawtons - had never hidden
their belief that the Halsey's weren't quite up to the Lawton mark. Poor
Tim, he probably paid plenty for being a Halsey at such gatherings. I
couldn't imagine why he didn't dread them.
My father, who had remarried shortly after our mother's death, was
caught up with his new wife. He'd taken up with her a couple of days
after the funeral, indicating to me that they had been involved before
my mother died. Our stepmother recognized only her family. Besides, my
head started aching at the idea of spending any time at all in my
father's company. So Evan was going to be homebound this Christmas.
* * *
The first Saturday after Jeremy had moved out, I was fighting off thoughts
about being alone at Christmas. Each afternoon the rest of that week, I
had managed to come home, eat, and bury myself in grading and other
schoolwork until bedtime. That way, I insulated myself from Jeremy's
absence and all the quiet. Still, I couldn't keep myself from stopping
in his bedroom every evening to look around. Friday evening, I started
getting the heebie-jeebies. It was too quiet. It wouldn't have seemed
that way if I had known that Jeremy would come bursting through the door
at some point. Of course, that wouldn't happen.
I was thinking a lot about Jeremy. Why did I sense that his Christmas
was going to be less than jolly? He hadn't looked at all happy the rest
of this week. I watched him each day for signs of new joy, indicating
that he and his mother had embarked on building a new relationship. No
signs appeared. In class, Kenny clung to Jeremy. I knew it was a new
pattern in their behavior together, but I didn't know if it was prompted
by difficulty on Kenny's or Jeremy's part. On Thursday, Kenny had
dropped the news that Jeremy had increased his work hours to make more
money for home. I had a feeling that that explained Kenny's clinging to
Jeremy, for the new work hours cut into their time together. I'll bet
Jeremy was tired too. That night, I slept in Jeremy's bed. I hadn't
changed the sheets yet from our hot sex Sunday night, so his scent was
still present. It was comforting. "Notice how much animal there is in
you Evan," the inner voice observed. I slept deeply!
On Saturday, I found myself obsessing about Jeremy's future. The
premonitions I had about how things were not going well for Jeremy
increased. "Well, Evan, what can you do to put a little cheer in
Jeremy's holiday?" that voice asked. 'Take him his presents,' came
my reply. I'd gone into my bedroom and pulled out the gifts I'd
purchased for Jeremy. I put tissue in the boxes, in which I carefully
placed the gifts. I dug out the Christmas paper (not easy on crutches)
and wrapped the gifts. During this process, I played out my scenarios of
what was supposed to occur when Jeremy opened them here in my home on
Christmas Day. "Evan," that voice warned, "you're just buying trouble."
The voice was correct. I would only make myself miserable. So I shifted
to imagining the look on Jeremy's face as he opened this or that box.
I made out cards for the gifts, but the gift card on the box with the new
sport coat read "From Santa." I placed them in a couple of shopping bags
with handles, checked Jeremy's address on a city map, carried the bags
out to the car, and started toward the neighborhood where Jeremy's mother
lived.
Delivering Jeremy's gifts may be the only Christmas event I do during the
remainder of the season, I suddenly realized. I would skip holiday
parties, open houses - all of those occasions like that. Too problematical,
given the recent turn of events.
The Saturday before Jeremy's father had absconded and Jeremy had
moved out, Kenny, Troy, and Susan had come over to help put up the tree.
They located all the boxes of Christmas decorations, bought a tree, put it
up in the living room in front of the window facing the street, and
decorated it. I'd put on some Christmas music. Susan and I threw
together a batch of chocolate chip cookies, soft drinks and hot chocolate
for the crew. They spent the entire afternoon there. It was wonderful.
Cheer, food, carols, camaraderie, joking, humor, tales of Christmas gifts
and celebrations in seasons past - it left us all with a warm glow,
especially for what it said about us as a band of friends.
My thoughts shifted to the present. Well, no way could I get lights up on
the yews at the front of the house this year. I might send a few Christmas
cards to old friends and acquaintances. We no longer exchanged gifts in
my family.
Jeremy's mother lived in an old part of the city. The street down which I
drove, scanning the house numbers, was narrow, with parking on only one side.
Even then, cars would have to be careful passing each other on the two-way
street. The houses were old, small, red brick bungalows. It was not an area
where fortune had smiled generously on the residents. But I suspected that
even if Jeremy's parents could have afforded a better neighborhood, the low
rent would still have brought them here.
I knew Jeremy was at work, but I hoped that since it was Saturday, his
mother would be home. I didn't want to embarrass Jeremy by taking the gifts
to school. I didn't want him to have to lug them home. Besides, I wanted
them to be a surprise. It would keep him from feeling obligated to spend any
of his money on gifts for me, especially now that he was helping out with
expenses at home.
I finally spotted the house as my car was creeping down the street. It was
quite small. One could tell that no energy was expended on any landscaping.
The front lawn was more dirt than grass. There were no shrubs around the
house. A family would have to be loving to tolerate being cooped up in such
a little space. I immediately felt guilty, for I was obviously blessed with
all the room I had in my home.
Wait a minute! Why should I feel guilty? I'd sacrificed, worked, and
studied my ass off to get where I was, so I wasn't going to do a number on
myself on that count. It was one of the few points in my life about which
I was proud. When one has dodged enough of life's spitballs, he learns to
find out where his strengths and weaknesses lie. It's survival - pure and
simple.
I remembered that semester when I went two nights every week without sleep
translating "Beowulf" from Anglo-Saxon to Modern English and studying
medieval intellectual history. I remembered my awe when I learned there were
no textbooks for the course, just reports on historical documents studied only
in their original languages - no translations! At the same time, I was
working on my classes as a graduate teaching assistant at university. I
remembered a semester of preparing lectures until 3:00 a.m. and then sleeping
on a hard floor with alarm clocks in metal pans on each side of the room so
that I'd be certain to make it to a 7:30 a.m. world literature course I was
teaching for the first time. One could have floated a battleship in all the
coffee I drank that semester. There was another semester of poring over
medieval manuscripts with a magnifying glass, learning about 20 different
medieval manuscript styles and constructing paleographic alphabets. By the
end of the semester, I felt like a monk in a medieval scriptorium.
Such situations occurred semester after semester. Images flooded my mind,
all testifying to my dedication and hard work when I was a student. I worked
at various jobs every year, several of which I despised. With other brothers
in college, our parents were strapped to provide us what they could. So I had
to borrow money to supplement my scholarships every year of my college study -
and I'd paid it all back. None of this made me better than anybody else. But
it allowed me not to think of myself as inferior to others in every way
imaginable.
As soon as I saw the little house, Jeremy's excitement about moving into my
home became understandable. He had reveled in having his own large bedroom,
ranging around the house - using the sunroom to entertain friends, working in
the study, watching movies in the family room, cooking in the kitchen,
chilling out on the deck in warm weather, reading in the living room. His
contentment was obvious in these settings.
I parked a little down from the house, grabbed the bags, and moved to Jeremy's
mother's house. It didn't look like anyone was home. I knocked on the door
and looked around while I was waiting for an answer. As always, the December
sunshine was thin - lonely; a breeze bearing a slight nip moved across the
little porch. I heard the door being unlocked. It was pulled open cautiously
to allow a shorter, thin woman to look out at me. Her face was narrow, pinched.
Her brown hair was cut short - for ease of keeping, I knew. It wasn't that she
was unattractive, but she had such a cold countenance that she didn't seem
attractive. 'That is not a happy woman,' I thought. Jeremy must favor his
father, for I couldn't see anything from her features that he'd inherited.
"Hello," I started, "my name is Evan Halsey. Are you Jeremy's mother?"
"Yes," she said curtly. She hadn't opened the screen door, so it was pointless
to offer my hand.
"Jeremy stayed at my home recently. I'm one of his teachers at school." I
waited for some kind of a response. She frowned. 'Great,' I thought.
"Yes, I know who you are now," came a reply that was far from friendly. Her
lips pursed tightly.
'I wonder if a person has to bite her lips from the inside to get them to go
so thin?' I asked myself.
"Um - I purchased some Christmas gifts for Jeremy. Would you be so kind as
to put them under the tree for him?"
She looked at me and then at the sacks, then back at me. I was beginning to
think I'd made a mistake bringing them here.
She pushed open the screen door, letting the door rest against her shoulder
while she held out her hands. Oh, no invitation to come in. Okay. I handed
her the sacks. She pulled them inside and closed the screen door. "I'll tell
Jeremy you brought them. Good bye." And with that she shut the door
forcefully and locked it again. I stood there for maybe five seconds, trying
to process the short scene. I shrugged my shoulders, returned to my car.
Once I had stowed my crutches, I sat behind the wheel, looking out into the
thin sunlight. I replayed the scene between Jeremy's mother and me, focusing
on the details. It hit me - the factor in Kate's account that hadn't added
up! Jeremy's mother was using him. Yes, she may be worried about her
economic future, but she didn't give a Christmas fig for Jeremy. She wasn't
sorry when Jeremy's father beat him and kicked him out. She hadn't called
or tried to find him at all the way a real mother would have - to know if
he was hurt, safe, needed any money. But when she needed him to come
support her, she knew right away to call the school. If she'd cared the
least about Jeremy, she'd have done that earlier. That was the discordant
note that alerted me to something's not adding up. The anger started
burning in my stomach.
'Evan, you better go get those presents back. She'll take your name off
and put hers on,' my interior monitor warned. Of course, it's exactly what
she'd do - not because she cared about Jeremy's having gifts on Christmas
but to keep him mollified, thinking he was helping dear ole Mom. And she
wouldn't have to spend any money on gifts for him. Might even get him to
take on some more work hours.
I started to open the car door, then paused. 'I can't tell Jeremy any of
this. He has to find it out for himself. There are just some things one
cannot tell another person even if those things are true and that person
needs to know them.' I slumped back in the driver's seat and pulled the
car door closed. Chewing the inside of my lip, I started thinking.
'Evan, you have to take a risk here for Jeremy's sake.' More mulling.
'Yes, he may think you forgot him at Christmas if your gifts aren't there
for him, but that's not likely. He's intelligent. There's no way he'll
believe you forgot him - especially as generous as you've been with
him. Nor will he believe his mother chose those gifts for him. This is
not a woman who has the sensibilities to choose such gifts. And she'd never
spend that much money. He'll figure it out. And when he does, he'll at
least start thinking, observing.'
Wham! Another realization - 'it will be further evidence that a parent
of his cares nothing for him. He'll hurt. But I can't protect him
against that - maybe he'll hurt for a little while but not forever.'
If I covered her double-dealing up, it would be setting him up for more
hurt down the road. I would not be a party to that. No. This would
be one of those occasions justified by the aphorism "Give her an inch
and she'll take a mile."
I started the car and drove home deep in thought. Try as I might, I
could not convince myself that Jeremy had been looking forward to moving
back to that place or his mother. I no longer held out hope for a positive
experience for him. But I felt a new appreciation for his resiliency and
ability to cope, coming from that house and those people who couldn't be
decent parents to him. No wonder school was his favorite place to be.
No wonder he holed up in the gym over night when life at home was hard.
How much energy he must have put into bucking up his spirits before
arriving at school. I needed to watch Jeremy closely.
* * *
The following Monday, as I left the building after classes for a late
appointment with Dr. Sorenson, I spotted Troy leaning back against a wall
in the foyer with his arms folded across his chest, smiling at Jim Marbury,
who was saying something to Troy. 'I'll bet I know what that's about,' I
thought. 'A debriefing - the assignment Troy gave Jim. Jim did it! Good
for him. Good for Troy. Good for everyone.'
Jim was standing ramrod straight, looking down and away from Troy, the
posture of a man who was talking about something that reflected on him
personally but that he really didn't want to be saying. I just hoped Jim
took all this to heart, recognized that he could be a better person than he
had been. He finished what he was saying, looking at Troy.
Troy placed one of his hands on Jim's shoulder. I knew he was squeezing
it in a companionable manner. Troy was saying something to Jim, his
smile blazing, and his dimples flashing. Wow! That man was deadly
when he turned on his charm. I saw Jim's face light up. Morgan Magic!
On second thought, "Troy Magic" might be apt. I suspected that he
reflected the Morgan mold more on the surface than in his maturing,
deeper dimensions.
This gambit of Troy's just might have a positive payback. Jim was
smiling back warmly, obviously basking in Troy's approval. I knew that
over the next few days, Troy would reinforce his approval of this new
direction Jim had moved. Judging from Troy's past strategies, I'd being
seeing Jim included with the guys over the next week or two. That would
mean that Jim would be rubbing shoulders with Jeremy and Kenny. I
hoped it worked out well for all.
I was glad that something good was happening that day. I'd returned an
essay to Jeremy sporting a "D" that morning. I'd asked Jeremy to stop by
after class to set up an appointment for us to discuss the essay, but he
ripped out of the room at the end of class, leaving Kenny looking
bewildered by another instance of unpredictable behavior on Jeremy's
part. The lowest grade Jeremy had ever earned from me was a "C+," back
in those early days of the semester before we'd connected. Since then,
his grades had steadily risen to the point that he was carrying an "A-"
average in my class.
The essay was hastily written, shallow in its thought, and ignored all
but a few of the learning objective that we had been pursuing. 'It's all
that extra work to support Momma,' I thought, lapsing into sarcasm when
I thought of Mrs. Wilder. I knew Jeremy had to be feeling that two
people in his life - his mother and his English teacher - were boxing
him into a losing situation. I wondered what I could do. Well, I'd
have to make a concerted effort tomorrow to talk to him. Maybe wait for
him at the entrance to the school so that we could talk out of the view
of his classmates.
As I crossed one of the traffic lanes in the north parking lot, I
spotted a car approaching at a good clip, so I stopped, awaiting its
passage. As it neared me, it slowed. Damn! It wasn't his car, but
Tim Minor was the driver. He crept by me, a smirk on his face. I looked
away from him. I saw a handsome blond youth in the back seat, looking at
me intently. 'The famous Alan,' I told myself. 'I can see why Tim - or
anyone - would be attracted to him. He's a knockout.' I couldn't compete
with him. His look wasn't hostile or challenging, just curious. Someone
on the passenger side in the front seat was shrouded in shadow. It looked
like the shadow of a giant. 'I wonder if he's Tim's brother? His broad
shoulders certainly match Tim's.' I finally cast my eyes down at the
asphalt surface of the parking lot until they moved past me. I wasn't
going to play any games. I crutched to my car.
The check-up with Dr. Sorenson was without note other than his
instructions to start putting weight on my fractured leg, being careful
not to overdo it. I was to return a few days after Christmas - perhaps
he would free me from the crutches at that time.
The next morning, before class, as Greg Dunwoodie came in, he walked
up to my desk rather than going to his desk at first. He greeted me.
"How's it going Greg?"
"Actually, a little strange but better than I ever expected."
"How's that?"
"Jim Marbury, of all people, stopped me a few days ago and started
chatting me up, asking me all sorts of questions. I'm not a jock. Jim
usually talks only to jocks. Come to think of it, I see him talking to
women, but it's pretty clear that he really isn't visiting. Just shooting
out content - even with women. But Jim and I must have visited 15 minutes,
which surprises me since I thought he didn't like me. It was like we were
swapping information about what we are good at, so he complimented me
on my strengths and told me some of his. Why do you think he did that,
Mr. Halsey?"
"I have a feeling that someone to whom he listens told Jim that you are a
worthwhile person to know, so Jim was following up. Sounds like he has
some things to learn, especially in the area of social skills. You're a
pretty polished fellow; maybe Jim was trying to pick up some pointers."
"You think so?"
"Well, can you think of a more plausible explanation?"
"Maybe he just wanted to talk to someone to kill time before class."
"Has he ever talked to you before in a similar situation 'just to kill
time'?"
He thought a few moments. "No," he said slowly. "You think he might
want to visit with me again?"
"Well, since he made the first gesture, why don't you return it? See
what develops."
"Good idea. I think I'll do that."
* * *
Finally, Monday came. I'd survived the first weekend after Jeremy had
moved out. I didn't realize how hooked on his presence I'd become. He
filled the spaces of my house with energy, cheer, humor, beauty, love,
caring, making it a genuine home. He filled the spaces of my heart with
care, concern, beauty, and love. It takes a lot to fill so many spaces
with all those virtues - and a special man. Jeremy was that!
I was glad that the week of Christmas had arrived. Wednesday was the
last day of school until after New Year's. What in the world was I going
to do to fill all that time? "Work on that job application letter and
resume," the inner voice reminded me. "Now that Jeremy's moved out,
you have an opportunity to go somewhere else. Or rake leaves if you ever
get off those crutches." I smiled to myself. I would have to be careful
not to go like gangbusters once I was rid of the crutches. It would be
like me to so enjoy being unfettered again that, just like a kid, I'd try
everything. I'd better consider hiring someone to take care of the leaves.
I was sitting at my desk in my classroom, engaged in this interior
monologue, when students started drifting into the room. I'd missed
catching Jeremy in the main foyer to talk about his essay. He hadn't made
an appearance in the classroom yet. Hm-m-m-m-m-m. I decided I'd
better stop by the restroom before classes began. I crutched down the hall,
entering the restroom. I bent over a sink, splashing water in my face. I
paused after swiping a paper towel over my face and replacing my glasses,
studying my visage in the mirror. Looking for what? "Answers," was the
reply from inside. Answers to what? I guess all my questions. What
were the questions? It reminded me of my maxim used in teaching
research, a maxim about asking the right questions if one wanted the right
answers and remembering that a question could be degrees off the mark,
which would produce skewed answers. After a bit, I realized that neither
questions nor answers were going to leap out of the mirror. I remembered
that I should be in my classroom, so I crutched back there.
As I entered the room, I heard Wendy Fielding talking excitedly to Beth
Walker about some party she'd attended on Saturday night. "He was so
sweet, so attentive. They make such an attractive couple, and you can tell
when you see them how much they love each other. And a friend came
from the state capital to attend the party too." I noted that Jeremy had
arrived in my absence.
Nice to see Wendy so animated. Must have been a good party. Wendy
wasn't a party animal. In fact, she was quite studious, earning a
reputation
for excellence in the sciences. It was the reason that she and Tim Minor
hit it off so well. Tim and I were alike in our admiration of diligence in
learning. Wendy deserved some good social experiences.
I was taking roll when Wendy hailed me. "Mr. Halsey, we missed you
Saturday night."
"Who's 'we' and where?" I asked in a cavalier manner.
"All of us who were at Tim Minor's going-away party at Carol Dunning's
home. Troy and Susan, Kenny and, later, Jeremy, Tony and Angela, Greg,
Byron, Cody, LaRonda and Clifton were all there." My heart plummeted.
I suddenly felt cold.
Wide-eyed, I studied the faces of each of those whose names Wendy had
recited. Susan looked stricken. Troy glared at Wendy. Jeremy was
looking to the side and at the floor. Kenny's head was bowed. Angela
was avoiding my eyes, but Tony looked straight at me, betraying no
emotion. Greg was staring at his lit book. Byron was looking at Wendy.
LaRonda was looking down at her desk. All of them except Tony were
looking anywhere but at me. Even Jeremy.
"Why weren't you there?" Wendy asked.
The room grew quieter. "I didn't know about it," I said softly. "I wasn't
invited."
Wendy appeared startled, moved her mouth to say something, then
swallowed whatever it was, allowing only a little "Oh," to escape, rather
as though it were a hiccup.
'So, he didn't even want me there to say good-bye. I clearly didn't count
for anything with him anymore. What a snub! The smirk I'd seen on his
face a few days earlier in the parking lot now assumed more meaning. By
inviting all my students, especially those who knew about Tim and me, he
had ensured my humiliation, underlining my unworthiness. Now that I'd
seen Alan, I didn't think I could argue that point.
But why hurt me this way? After all, he'd rejected me. Our paths no
longer crossed. He had Alan. So what was the point of rubbing my nose
in it? Why make the snub apparent to my students? They had to have
known I wasn't invited because not a single person had said anything
about the party or asked whether I was going. So why didn't Wendy
know that I wasn't invited? Had she been set up to spring this
information on me?' Throughout my rumination, my head had fallen lower
and lower. Tears burned my eyes. 'NO, no tears!' I was starting to
feel ill.
"Would you have gone, Evan?" that inner voice asked. 'I honestly don't
know,' I thought. 'I might have attended to reach closure, to wish him
well.'
I had to move us into an activity. Thinking quickly, I asked students
to turn to a poem in their lit books. I could hardly speak, looking
constantly down at our lit book. It was as though my throat muscles
were paralyzed, my tongue abnormally thick. My voice sounded
strange - croaky, which, I was certain, made students scrutinize me
even more. I asked the class to move to the groups they had last
occupied. They were to choose someone to read the poem aloud. Then
they were to determine possible meanings the poem held for them.
Then I moved out of the room and down the hall to the restroom.
When I reached there, I crutched inside and over to a wall, resting my
head against the cool ceramic tile, slumping on my crutches, trying to
push everything out of my mind, trying to quell tumultuous thoughts and
feelings. So it was over. Really over. It wasn't until the import of
Wendy's news about the going-away party that I realized that deep, deep
within me, I'd allowed an ember of hope to burn, hope that Tim would
miss me and return. How could I be so foolish! How many omens did I
need to realize it was dead? That ember of hope was quenched. I felt
it. I thought I'd felt empty before. It was nothing similar to what I
felt now.
I heard the door swoosh open, feeling someone beside and behind me,
hands grasping my shoulders. I didn't move. "Evan, tell us what to
do to help you."
I turned my head slightly to see who was behind me. It was Troy,
Jeremy, and Kenny. "Why didn't you guys warn me?"
"We didn't discuss it or anything, believe me," Jeremy explained. "I
guess we decided individually that if we said nothing, the party would
be over and you wouldn't know about it."
"We were trying to protect you, Evan," Troy added. "But I realized when
Wendy asked you about the party in class today that we actually set you
up for being hurt and embarrassed. I'm sorry."
Kenny continued, "We never imagined that it would be sprung on you -
and so publicly. For once our judgment wasn't as sound as you think it
is. I'm sorry, Evan. I know the others are too."
Troy asked again what they could do. "Thank you for coming. But you
need to return to your groups. I'll be there shortly." I turned away
from them. I heard footsteps, the swoosh of the door.
I thought they'd all gone. But someone put his hands on my shoulders,
massaging and squeezing. "I let you down again, didn't I, Evan?" Jeremy
asked.
"I think you've had a few other concerns on your mind, Jeremy. Please go
back to your group. But don't leave class today without setting up an
appointment to discuss your last essay."
(To be continued.)