Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2009 13:47:26 -0000
From: mac_manap@msn.com
Subject: American-English, Pt. 8

       Yo!
       So, apologies that it has taken me so long to post this. I received
about fifty messages asking if I was continuing the story. I think it's
fair to say that the answer is "Yes, I am". Lol.
       I've been pretty damn busy lately with uni, and then Christmas and
trying to just relax. Plus, Rob has also been busy so when I finally
completed the chapter he needed to make time to make his adjustments. So
any subsequent chapters will likely take as long as this one. But that's
ok- it's nice to make people wait!
       American-English is on its way to concluding for I really do not
want to take it further than it should. Many great writers take their
stories too far until that original spark that interested you seems lost in
mediocre plots and bland writing. I'm thinking four more chapters at the
absolute maximum. So I hope you like how we end it. Rob & I have a couple
of ideas kicking about. But as always, if you want to add a suggestion for
consideration then feel free to email me (email at the end of the story).
       Thank you to everyone who wrote supporting messages. It turns out
that American-English has a number of fanatics and I've been informed that
it has been discussed on forums and blogs? I can't say how grateful I am to
all of you who have enjoyed Jacob's story. It's been really interesting to
write and it's opened up some of my own skills as a writer and also ideas
of teenage life and the differences in cultures (for those who don't know,
I frequently get asked about my nationality: I am from the UK and am a big
lover of the USA, so that's how this story came about).
       Anyway, I am rambling. It's eight o'clock in the morning and I only
woke up ten-or-so minutes ago after falling asleep just before four so I'm
not really with it.
       Anyway- thanks for the kind words and the support. I do appreciate
it all. And I apologise if it takes me a long time to reply to your emails,
but I try to respond to them all.
       For your pleasure (I hope!), here is chapter eight of
American-English.

             This story is entirely fictional. Well probably not- it's
likely I plagiarised some parts of it inadvertently, but that's just the
way life goes sometimes. If this bothers you- give a fuck? There's plenty
of stuff to read out there so bugger off and find something else!
       If it is illegal for you to read this in your community, then I
advise you to leave. Although, to be honest I really don't give a rat's
arse about it. If you wanna do something do it. Don't let the man get you
down! Unless you like that kinda thing... lol.

In the meantime...

Enjoy!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



       AMERICAN-ENGLISH

       CHAPTER EIGHT.
       GIRLFRIENDS & BOYFRIENDS.

       "Get him the fuck outta here!"
       "I don't have nothin' to move him with."
       "Do I look like I give a shit?! Get him the fuck outta here!"
       "How in the hell am I gonna do that?"
       "You best fuckin' think of somethin'! You can think, can't you!? He
don't need to be fuckin' seen like this by his friends or family. God only
knows the fuckin' news crews will be here soon. You think he deserves to be
fuckin' seen on the damned TV like this? Do the fuck as you're told and get
him outta here, damned fuckin' rookie!"
       "Yo! Jeff! Gives a hand here, pal...Grab his legs, we need to get
him in the van before..."
       "Don't fuckin' hold him by the head! You fuckin' prick! His
shoulders and back! You fuckin' dumbass! Where is that fuckin' gurney?"
       "Come on...I got him...just do it `fore he starts yellin' at me
again..."
       "How's this one doin'?"
       "He's alright. I can see his eyes movin' under the lids. He oughta
pull through. Don't think it'll be anythin' more than a couple of fractured
ribs and a broken arm."
       "Pretty fuckin' lucky if you ask me. Glad I don't have the fuckin'
job to tell the other guy's family..."
       "I couldn't do it...How old you think he was?"
       "Reckon...must've been late fuckin' teens at least. Looked like an
athlete or something...such a damn waste."
       "What d'you think happened?"
       "Guessin' here, from the looks of things... Looks like the first
fuckin' car was parked. Second one? Fuckin' smashed right into the side,
sendin' it spirallin'. When're these young fuckers gonna learn how to
fuckin' drive? Eh? I'm sick of scrapin' these young fuckers off the damned
road. Every fuckin' day it seems I'm out here lookin' at another dead kid."
       "Anyone ever said you cuss too much?"
       "Now don't you fuckin' start neither! I got my fuckin' old lady back
home naggin' shit too. You just do your fuckin' job and don't you worry
about a few damn swears!"
       "Now, now, no need to get all worked up, Captain. I was just
saying."
       "Yeah, well, you jus' make sure that this one don't die on us,
y'hear?"
       "No need to worry `bout this young'un, Cap. He ain't in no
danger. He's out cold. Can't feel a thing!"
       "You jus' make damned sure that he don't get no more fucked up than
the other one, y'hear? I'm gonna check on-"
       "Captain! He's waking up!"
       "What d'you say?"
       "He's comin' round sir!"
       "I fuckin' thought you said he's out cold, damn it!"
       "I thought he was!"
       "Son? Son? Damn it, boy, answer me! What's his name again?"
       "Err...student I.D. says...Jacob Hylton."
       "Hey, Jacob?"
       "Here! He's comin' now!"
       "Jacob? Well, I'll be damned!"
       "Jacob? Can you hear me?"
       "What's he say?"
       "Dunno, Captain, can't hear him. Jacob- if you hear me, blink your
eyes twice, y'hear?"
       "Well, fuck me! He's gonna be alright now! Where the fuck are those
fuckers with that damned gurney! For fuck's sake! Gotta do everything my
damned self..."
       "S'alright now, Jacob. You're gonna be alright. We're gonna get you
fixed up nice `n' new! What's that you're trying to say? `OK'? Speak up if
you can, son."
       "Clay...? Where's...Clay?"

***

       "...I thought you said he was going to be alright?"
       "Now, ma'am, something like this, you can't ever be a hundred
percent sure of the results. Now, he's been lucky. Our first examination
wasn't right- we missed a few things- but ma'am we're doing the best we can
for your son. He'll be alright now, but he'll need to be here for a little
while longer."
       "Thank you. Yes. Thank you doctor."
       Mum?
       Where the...? What the...?
       My eyes opened and were blinded white. My ears were deafened by the
chatter of people and the beeping of a machine. I tried to talk but my
throat was a desert; dryness scratched against it like nails. A plastic
smell covered my mouth and nose and as if pinned by some heavy weight, I
couldn't move my arms to shield my face from the hot lights above me. My
head began to ring like the bells at school. A tennis match was playing in
my mind as I tried to figure out what on earth was going on.
       "Jacob? Jacob?!"
       Mum??
       "Oh my goodness! Jacob! You're alright! Oh my Lord! Thank Heaven!"
       "Son! Thank goodness! I was so worried!"
       Dad?
       What are they...? Where am I?
       I couldn't focus on anything. My head, my mind was a blur. I felt
trapped beneath some invisible load, holding me against my will below the
bright white lights.
       "Jacob, it's all alright now. Everything's going to be alright," my
mum smiled down at me.
       I looked into her eyes and suddenly I realised what had happened.
       "Where's...Clay?" I tried to ask.
       "He's..." she looked over at my dad for some help.
       "Jacob, let's not worry about that right now. Let's just concentrate
on getting you bet-"
       "Where's Clay?" I asked more forcefully, my throat raw.
       "He's..." my mother had tears in her eyes once more. "He's not doing
too well. He hasn't...come around yet, Jacob."
       "Is he-"
       "They think he'll be fine, Jacob, but they can't be sure until he
wakes up," my dad sat down in the chair on my other side.
       I stared up at the ceiling, at the dulling white light. Clay...I
couldn't get the thought of him out of my head. He had to be alright. He
had to be OK. He just had to be. I needed him.
       I fell back into a deep sleep after that. I don't how long for, but
when I awoke, someone else was standing over me.
       "Jake?" A familiar spoke softly to me as my eyes tried to readjust
to the light. "Jake? Can you hear me?"
       I turned to look at the voice. A face was staring back at me. A dark
face. I think I could see a smile. As the light settled I recognised my
smirking friend.
       "Hey! How you feeling, Jay?"
       "Hey, Alicia..." I couldn't manage to say anything else. My voice
was hoarse. LeAnn walked in the door behind Alicia, a doctor following.
       "Jake! Dude! I was so worried!" I smiled back at her as the doctor
began talking at me. I wasn't really listening to her. I was dizzy and
tired. Hungry and nauseous. A nurse brought me some water which Alicia had
to feed to me through a straw. I hated being waited on. I was useless and
incapable.
       "Better?"
       "Yes, thank you," I said to the nurse in a voice which didn't seem
to sound like my own.
       "Would you like me to call your parents, Jacob?" Her voice was warm,
like a nurse's voice should be.
       "What happened?" I asked for the first time.
       "We were hoping you could tell us!" Alicia laughed lightly.
       "I don't remember...I remember..."
       The kiss.
       I kissed Clay.
       He kissed me...
       "Sorry...it's just a...blur."
       "All we know is that you and Clay were driving home and some dude
rammed into the side of you-" LeAnn started.
       "He died by the way."
       "Clay's dead?" My pulse thumped at my chest as the words hit like
daggers to the chest. I couldn't breathe.
       "No! No, Clay isn't dead, the other driver is. He was drunk..."
       Their words died out, carried off into dark silence. He wasn't dead?
He wasn't dead!  My heart was racing still, my head light and dizzy. I
wanted to cry and laugh.
       "You OK? Jacob? You look..."
       "Huh?" I turned to LeAnn.
       "You alright, Jay?" she repeated.
       "Yeah," I replied in my gravelly voice. "I'm just...what happened?"
       "We were just saying- you guys were in Clay's car and then that
drunk asshole smashed into the side of you. Clay's car is a wreck, Jay."
       "Man, you're so lucky you escaped from it." Alicia
interrupted. "When we heard..."
       "How's Clay?"
       "Clay?"
       "Yeah. How's he doing?"
       "He's...err..." Alicia looked over at LeAnn, who was staring
back. What the hell were they hiding?
       "Hey! Hey, come on.  How's Clay?"
       "He's out of it, Jay. His head was knocked pretty bad. He's still
unconscious." I stared at LeAnn as she spoke the words.
       "Is he going to be OK?"
       They looked at each other.
       "We don't know the damage yet. We won't know anything unless he
wakes up." The doctor had been checking over my charts with the nurse when
she spoke.
       "He IS going to wake up though, right?" I asked her.
       "In cases like this...we never know anything for sure. The brain is
a vast and complex organ. We don't know what's going inside there right
now. However, we do believe there is a good chance he shall wake up."
       He was going to wake up? She said it. She said she was sure. I knew
he wouldn't stay in a coma. I knew he would wake up. No way was Clay
staying in a coma. No. I felt my eyes well up a little.
       "Could I...could I just...have a minute, please?" I asked them all.
       The nurse and doctor bowed their heads in agreement and left the
room.
       "Yeah...if that's what you need, Jay." Alicia began to stand up.
       "We'll just be in the cafeteria gettin' a coffee."
       "Thanks." I tried to smile back, but I couldn't bring myself to do
it.
       Clay... FUCK.
       Clay? I could still feel his lips on mine. The extreme urge to erupt
with tears grew exponentially. I had just found him. We had just... It was
in that moment that I realised how deeply I already felt for Clay. The idea
of not talking to him again, seeing him smile... He was going to wake
up. He was.

***

       A few days later I was still in the hospital, confined to my bed. I
wasn't allowed to leave by order of my parents and the doctors. I didn't
care though. Clay was still in his coma and I wanted to be as near to him
as I could. I felt empty without him around me.
       Life is funny sometimes. Eighty-something percent of the time I'd
known Clay I had spent hating him. And now? Since I had realised what I
really felt for Clay? I couldn't stand the idea of losing him. I wasn't in
love with him yet... I knew that. But it's crazy how quick things happen. I
knew that I had intense feelings for him, feelings I had suppressed for the
last...who knows how long. The way he'd always made my heart race. The way
my guts wrenched at the sight of him. It's wild, but it happens. And it has
happened. To me.
       It was a long while before I could venture out of bed. I was told
that I had near-suffered a collapsed lung. If they hadn't realised when
they did... anyway.
       Near-death experiences: another ridiculous notion. You can't begin
to describe what it's like. It's similar to the concept of love in that
respect. You don't know what it's like until it smacks you in the face. And
now? Almost simultaneously, I was basically hit with both.
       Trying to imagine the notion of not `being'...it's a little fucked
up. Emotions multiply. Words like `reason' and `path' keep appearing in
your mind... Life truly is fickle. And short. Another fun word which nags
me on an hourly basis now.
       I'm not explaining this properly I don't think. I don't know...I'm
pretty heavily medicated at the moment. Maybe you do get me? Perhaps you're
on a lot of drugs yourself and we have this chemically-induced mutual
understanding?
       It had been a week since the accident and I decided that I was going
to see Clay. I was seventeen and could make up my own mind about whether or
not I was going to see my boyf... to see Clay.
       The door opened and once again, the need to cry was nearly
overwhelming. I couldn't have imagined the
scene. Wires. Tubes. Machines. So many computers. Clay...
       His arm, like my own, was in a cast. His face was scratched and
sore. His hair was unkempt and he had stubble on his cheeks and chin. Yet
his classic good looks were still visible. I was alone in the room. In my
wheel chair, I moved over to his bed and watched the guy before me. My
guy. What had happened to my guy? I had seen Clay vulnerable on a number of
occasions in our history together...but not like this. He had looked lost,
and upset. Tired and confused. But never weak.
       His right arm was laid near my own. I placed my hand in his and
squeezed.
       "Clay...?" I whispered. "I don't know if you can hear me... Clay,
I... I don't know what to say..." I laughed a little through the tears. My
mind had gone blank. Words were...empty now. "I miss you."
       From behind me the door to Clay's room opened. I pulled my hand from
Clay's and turned sharply to see the intruder.
       "What the hell were you just doing?" Chrissie stopped at the sight
of me.
       "Chrissie? Err... I was just-"
       "What the hell...Oh my god! You- No way!"
       "What?"
       "I just saw you holding his hand!
       "What...?"
       "You...were just...Oh my God! You are a fag aren't you?!"
       "What are you talking-"
       "Don't deny it! I just saw you holding his hand! I always said you
were queer!"
       "Chrissie- I...I'm not-"
       "Do you have a thing for CJ? Is that why you made him drive you
home? It is, isn't it? That's why he's like this! You're the reason he's
like this! You piece of shit!"
       "Chrissie, you have it all wrong!"
       "You best keep away from my boyfriend, fag! Or I'm gonna tell
everyone that you're the reason CJ nearly died!"
       "But it wasn't-"
       "Oh, you little homo..." a slight maniacal smile spread on her
face. Her usually pretty face turned demonic...almost like something out of
a bad horror movie. "Don't even think of trying to start anything with
me. I'm so out of your league you can't register it. Now get out of here!
Get out or you'll be sorry you ever left your stupid little country! And
don't ever talk to CJ again!"
       I was stunned. Was she actually being serious? How could anyone
believe that I had caused this accident? She was surely taking the piss. Or
was she? By comparison, I was vastly unpopular to the prom queen. She could
turn everyone against me. `The star quarterback injured because he was made
to drive the weird British kid home'. It was completely
irrational. Ludicrous even. There was no way that she could convince
everyone. No way...
       "I said get out of here!"
       I began to wheel myself out. My one good arm pushed on the wheel as
I rolled past Chrissie. I turned to look back at Clay once more.
       SMACK!
       My face burned with the print of Chrissie's hand. I had barely
re-laid my eyes on Clay when it happened. My body was in pain, and numbed
at the same time. I continued on, my arm aching as I forced the wheels to
turn on the chair. My face stung as tears rolled down my reddening
cheek. What the hell was happening? She had just called him her boyfriend?
Was she delusional? Should I have just left?

***

       I wasn't allowed to go home until the second Sunday after the
accident. I hadn't seen Clay since the incident with Chrissie. It hurt
knowing that he was so close, yet untouchable. Chrissie or one of the other
groupies was always hanging around him. I wouldn't get the chance to. I
didn't really care anymore. Nothing felt good to me. Something Chrissie had
said had hit me hard. I knew she was being a bitch...but it was difficult
to get past when it was staring at me so obviously in the face.
       My parents left me to my own devices when we arrived at the
house. They could sense something was up, or they didn't care. I wasn't
paying attention anyway. They headed out to visit Clay's parents. I
couldn't stand the idea of being near his house at that moment. I didn't
want to have to look into the faces of his parents, knowing that I had
caused... I hated the way I was feeling.
       Jesse came to see me for a little while in the afternoon, but he
could tell I wasn't really up for visitors. I felt bad about being so
distant with him. It was mad to think that one of the last times we'd
spoken was that afternoon in the field. And now... one arm in a cast,
bruises all over my body, and what felt like the saddest expression ever
written all over my face.
       Alicia and LeAnn came around too in the early evening, but I wasn't
really in the mood to see them either. I wanted to be left alone with my
thoughts, but they didn't want to leave. I appreciated that. They hung
around until my parents got home, mostly sitting in quietly with
me. Complete silence amongst the three of us. I guess they didn't want me
to be all alone... It was strange, but comforting. What had I done to
deserve friends like this?
       I decided to go back to school the next day. I wasn't supposed to,
but I wanted to get into some work and bury myself under it. When I got
there, I was told that due to the circumstances I had automatically passed
all of the exams and wouldn't have to re-sit them. Including my A-level
equivalents. One good thing had finally come out of all this mess.
       I found myself sitting by the football field most of the day, my
broken arm resting in my lap. The teachers didn't seem to actually care
that I didn't turn up to my afternoon lessons. It was nice though, to know
that some people understood. Or at least tried to.
       I must have just gazed out into the distance across the field for a
couple of hours. The heat was unbearable, but at the same time it was
comfortably therapeutic. `Sweat out your demons' or something.
       "There he is!"
       Alicia's voice called out across the stands as she and LeAnn walked
along the row of seats toward me.
       "What's up, Jay-man?" LeAnn offered me a warm smile, which I
returned, though falsely.
       "I'm good. I'm OK. Just tired."
       "Dude, we know something's up! We weren't born yesterday!" She
smirked now, cocking her eyebrow at me. It always made me smile when she
acted like that.
       "It's nothing. Really. I'm fine," I lied. Badly.
       "Man, don't even try to put that line past us!" Alicia added. "You
ain't going nowhere until you tell us what's up."
       "Is it a girl-thing?" LeAnn asked cheekily.
       "I was thinkin' the same thing!!" Alicia gasped.
       "What? No! Really. It's not a girl-thing!"
       "Well, what is it then?" LeAnn pressed.
       I stared at them, blankly. I didn't know what to say. My head
dropped and I looked at my casted-arm.
       "Look, Jay. We're you're friends OK? If there's something bothering
you...well, that's what we're here for. Right? If you don't want to tell us
then we'll drop it. But you know you can tell us anything." She smiled her
warm smile. He words were like silk, flowing smoothly over me. Alicia
always had a way of making me feel good while LeAnn was the much-needed
comic relief. I was lucky to have them. They were possibly the best friends
I had ever had. Would it be such a bad thing to tell them?
       I didn't really have a chance to think about it. The words just
began to fall out of my mouth. "It's not a girl-thing. Believe me." They
looked at me calmly, waiting but not expecting anything.
       "It's a guy-thing," I said flatly.
       Silence. I looked up at them. They were both...smiling. Smiling?
Smiles and shock.
       "No. Freaking. Way!" Alicia near yelled.
       "Keep it down would you!"
       "Dude!" LeAnn exclaimed. "I didn't know you were...gay?!" She said
the last word in an excited whisper.
       "Well, I'm not. Not really. I've never liked guys like that before."
       "So there's a guy you like then?" LeAnn continued.
       "Well, yeah..."
       "Oh! Who is it?" She asked, more excitedly.
       "I can't say."
       "Man, you can't do that to us! You can't leave us hanging like
that!" Alicia began. "Remember: friends." She indicated to her and LeAnn
with her finger.
       I just laughed. "I don't know if I should say..."
       "Look, just tell us. What's the worst that'll happen? We're not
gonna tell anyone!" LeAnn said.
       "I guess..."
       "Oh my God, it's someone at school isn't?" She was getting more
excited by the minute.
       Alicia gave her a reproving look, "Lee, get your self together! If
we push him he won't tell us!" She turned back toward me. "And I am dying
to know!"
       "If I tell you, you have to swear that you won't tell a soul. Swear
it?"
       "We swear!" They said together.
       There was no real going back now. I knew they wouldn't tell anyone
about it. But all the same...I had never vocalised my feelings to anyone
but Clay. I lowered my head to the ground, taking a moment to breathe. I
smiled a little, sighed and said, simply:
       "Clay," I paused. "Jefferson."
       Another momentary pause.
       "No. Freaking! Way!" Alicia called out again.
       "Jesus!" I said looking around. "Mate, think you could tone it down
a little? Geez, it's not that surprising, is it?"
       "I guess not...I mean. He's an ass. But he's a hot ass!" Alicia
replied.
       "He's GOT a hot-ass, you mean!" LeAnn laughed.
       "Could you imagine if Clay was gay? That would be...well, that would
be strange." Alicia contemplated happily.
       "`Local high-school star quarterback likes to get dirty with the
guys off the pitch too'" LeAnn visualised, causing both Alicia and I to
laugh.
       "Erm...well, I wouldn't say he's gay...but..."
       "'But'?" LeAnn stared at me with a dead pan expression, excitement
brewing inside her.
       "I don't just have a crush on Clay. Just before the crash...I told
him I liked him...and he kissed me. We kissed."
       "NO! FUCKING! WAY!"
       "What? You just kissed? Like that?"
       I felt myself blush. "Well, we didn't plan it, if that's what you
mean."
       "So what, you just told him? Out of the blue?" LeAnn asked.
       "Well, not really. He's actually kinda liked me for a while now..."
       "Are you kidding me?"
       I turned to face Alicia, an embarrassed smile. "He told me that he's
liked me since...since he met me."
       "But he's been a total ass to you!" She retorted.
       "He said he was trying to cover or hide his feelings or something, I
guess."
       "Dude, this is totally cute. I mean...Clay! CJ!" LeAnn said in
disbelief
       "Well, it's not all great..." and I began to tell them of the
incident with Chrissie. When I had finished reciting the tale, Alicia had
to use as much of her strength as possible to restrain LeAnn, who was
trying to get away to find Chrissie.
       "That BITCH! Who the hell does she think she is? When I fucking find
her..."
       "Lee, calm down will ya?" Alicia said. "Do you really think she's
gonna do anything? She's all talk. Do you really think that she's gonna
tell people that Clay dumped her for a guy?"
       "Well, she doesn't know about Clay. She just saw me holding his
hand. She thinks that I have crush on him and that I made him take me
home...which caused the crash..." My face dropped again.
       "What's wrong?" Alicia asked.
       "She's right," I started quietly, finally giving voice to my
problems of the past few days. "It is my fault. I made him take me home. I
wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him how I felt and...he stopped the
car and if he hadn't...if I hadn't been there..." For the hundredth time my
eyes welled up and the need to cry became insatiable.
       "Don't say that," LeAnn said.
       "It is not your fault. Hey, look at me. It's not your fault, OK."
       "Clay would have preferred you to have told him, I
guarantee. There's nothing better than having someone you really like tell
you that they like you back."
       "But if I hadn't told him then, then he wouldn't-"
       "Jacob!" LeAnn said sharply. "Stop thinking that."
       There was a pause. I could hear the lunch bell sound in the
distance. I wasn't hungry anyway.
       "Jay," Alicia asked softly. I turned to look at her.
       "What?"
       "Don't worry about it..." she shook her, turning away from my gaze.
       "What is it?"
       "Do you... Are you..." She looked at me dead in the eye. "Do you
think you're in love with Clay?"
       I heard her words. I felt them hit me in the face, but I couldn't
respond to them. Alicia realised that and changed the subject
apologetically. I didn't know what to say. I just sat there, blankly. I
tried to think about it, but no conclusion arrived. It all seemed too
quick. Far too soon for that. Too sudden.
       But what if I did?
       We sat mostly in silence, changing the discussion a few times, until
it was time to head back to class. I decided I shouldn't miss anymore
lessons, sitting at the football field. Walking up the busy steps to
English, people turned to watch me. Looks of anger, looks of
sympathy... They followed me up the winding stair well. I found a seat at
the back of the class. I didn't want to be disturbed. I hated sitting
there, all these eyes lingering back at me. Public solitude: complete and
utter isolation in my own little goldfish-bowl. It wasn't the same without
Clay. I felt like a spotlight was shining on me. And Chrissie, smiling like
a hyena, kept smirking at my misery. She whispered to one of the twins,
staring back at me constantly. Were the rumours and stories about to start
about my feelings for Clay?
       Great...

***

       Friday. The end of the week. Finally.
       My intention to return to school early was to distract my attention
from missing Clay. Well, it didn't work. The more time I spent at school,
the more I missed him. His empty chair. Our empty bathroom. I had never
felt like this. I didn't know I could feel like this. To completely want
somebody so bad it drives you insane. To desire that look they give you
when they first see you on any given day. I was driving my self to the
brink of insanity. I had to see Clay. I was going to see him that evening,
and I didn't care who tried to stop me.
       I decided to take LeAnn and Alicia as well...just in case. Is it
lame that I need back-up from my female friends? Probably. But I do know
one thing for sure: I would not want to piss off these two girls and then
meet them down a dark alley.
       The school week had droned on, and the whispers hadn't died down. I
hadn't received any explicit remarks of hatred from anyone, other than
Chrissie and her pals. Had she told people that she thought I was...well,
knew, I liked Clay? If so, did people care? No one had said anything
yet. No anonymous notes. No pushing or shoving in the corridors. I wasn't
sure if people were sorry for me, or if they were waiting until I was no
longer injured: wouldn't want to get in trouble for attacking a guy in a
cast, would you?
       When I got home from another whisper-filled day, Jesse was waiting
on the front steps.
       "Hey...you alright?" I asked him.
       "Yeah, I'm fine. How about you, how's the arm?"
       "It's... I'm fine. I can't really feel anything."
       "Good... So how's school been?"
       "Shit. Everyone's... I dunno, mate. It's weird. People keep staring
at me, whispering about me... I hate it."
       "Why they whispering about you?"
       "I dunno. They blame me for Clay's accident, I guess."
       "What? How is it your fault?"
       "He was driving me home, wasn't he? When it happened."
       "That's crazy. Some people... How is Clay, anyway?"
       "I don't know. I haven't seen him...for too long."
       "How come?"
       "I...just haven't had the time. I'm going to see him later today
though."
       "Cool, mind if I come along?"
       "Err, no." I lied. Truthfully, I wanted to be alone with Clay. But
Alicia and LeAnn were coming as well anyway. Couldn't hurt to have Jesse
there too...extra back-up. "I'm going with a couple of other friends, if
that's alright?"
       "Yeah dude. That's fine. So what you gonna do in the meantime? Wanna
chill out?"
       "Come on in," I said to him, grabbing my stuff and opening the front
door. The house was empty once again, my parents having left the day
before. They had planned a holiday for a few weeks a while ago, but were
going to cancel due to recent events.
       "I had to force them to go, practically packed their bags myself!"
       "Oh? Where'd they go?" Jesse asked as I told him.
       "Around the Mediterranean: Italy, Spain, Greece, Cyprus... I'm a bit
jealous, to be honest. I could use a holiday"
       "Yeah, I'd rather be there than here. How comes you didn't go with
them?"
       "It's an anniversary thing. Twenty-five years this November."
       "Wow. That's cool. My folks didn't make it past five."
       The TV was soon on and we crashed out in front of it, not really
regarding what was playing. We mostly just talked about football, school,
and life in general and...
       "I didn't tell you last week when I saw you, but I got really scared
when I heard about the accident, Jacob."
       "Oh?" I didn't know what to say.
       "Yeah...I mean, I know we don't know each other that well, but I
feel kinda...close to you. I got worried that you weren't gonna make it. I
saw the car, man. It's a miracle you didn't... And do you know what I
thought about the whole time?"
       "I don't know," I said a little uncomfortably.
       "That kiss, Jacob." It was the first time he had called me `Jacob'
in a long time. He was staring at me now, but I couldn't bring my eyes to
meet his. He continued, "I know this is weird, dude, but I just didn't want
to leave it ignored. I...I think I have feelings for you Jake. That
afternoon we spent together... It was... intense. Probably one of the best
times I've had in a long time.
       "I know that you said you like someone else, so I know that nothing
is going to happen from this, and I don't want to make things weird between
us, but I just wanted you to know."
       It was obvious he had rehearsed that speech a little bit. But I
still didn't know what to say. I was not expecting something like this. I
hated leaving the silence, but I needed to think. I mean, had Clay not been
in my life now... Jesse was definitely a great guy. Very good looking- he
could have his pick of any guy or girl he wanted- smart, funny...carefree
and open, yet caring and kind. How could I tell him that I wanted to be
with Clay?
       "I don't know what to say," I began, feeling stupid already. "I
mean...it's flattering that you think that about me. Flattering isn't the
right word... It's just..." I turned to look at him, causing him to flush
bright red. "Honestly, if there wasn't this other guy, I would probably
jump you right now, even with my arm like this! But if it hadn't been for
this other guy then I probably wouldn't have told you about my feelings for
guys. So...who knows what might have happened.
       "None of this is helping much, is it? I don't know what to
say... Would it be really stupid if I said `I hope we can still be
friends'?"
       "Yeah," he said abruptly. "Definitely. Man, I don't expect
anything. I just...after the crash...I didn't want to leave anything unsaid
between us, or, well, anyone. It's just...it's eye-opening you know. One
day you can be talking to someone, or making out with them in a field-" he
smiled at me and I back at him "-and then the next they could be gone never
to come back and it scared the shit out of me."
       "Believe me when I say I know what you mean, Jess."
       Silence hung over us for a while after that. Neither of us had much
to say. I could sense that Jesse was uncomfortable. I didn't blame him. It
took guts for him to be open with me. But I wish I could have said more
than `I'm flattered'.
       Relief arrived when the girls turned up. I did the whole
introduction business and we were soon off to the hospital and, once again,
my thoughts turned to Clay lying there hopeless and comatose.
       I hate hospitals. I hate doctors. I know it sounds dumb to say
something like that, but I dislike it all. I just mix the two with death,
disease and generally bad news. I've never been to a hospital for good
news, such as a birth. And doctors: the only good ones I've met have been
under less than okay circumstances, so the reasons why you like them are
shoved away and replaced by the anxiety of whatever problems you're
suffering from.
       We headed down to the ICU where Clay was resting. No Chrissie. No
Evander. No Dylan or the twins or anybody. But there was no Clay
either. His room was empty, a newly made bed in his place. My face dropped
as I began to panic.
       "Where is he?" I asked aloud to anyone who could hear. "Where the
hell is Clay?"
       "He must be around here someplace..." LeAnn offered. "Let's go ask-"
       "You don't...think that...he's..." I interrupted.
       "No! God, come on Jay!" Jesse said.
       "Stop thinking stupid stuff like that. They probably moved him or
something!" Alicia said, pulling me away from the door that used to be
Clay's. "Lee's right: let's go and ask someone."
       My heart pounded as one of the girls asked the first person they
saw.
       "He's been moved up to the second floor, but only family can-"
       I didn't give him a chance to finish before I charged off down the
corridor, up the hundreds of stairs until a big `2' came into sight. The
others weren't far behind me, Jesse leading their way. I ran through the
door, stopped to look around and walked quickly down one of the passages
looking through the big glass windows in search for Clay.
       Where is he? Clay?
       I saw it. `Jefferson, C.' it said it on the door. The blinds to the
windows were closed. Jesse and the girls finally caught up to me. Slightly
out of breath, they looked at me.
       "Take your time... We'll be here if you need us," Alicia assured me.
       I stood at the door for only a moment before I turned the handle and
walked in.
       The room was dark and quiet with only the sound of the medical
equipment droning on. And on the bed. There he was. Still asleep to the
world. But there he was. I headed to stand next to his bed. He looked
peaceful. Handsome. His dark hair was combed back and his face wasn't as
stubbly anymore. I had an urge to kiss him and never stop. No matter what
my feelings for Clay were, I knew they were strong. I couldn't put a name
to them yet, but I knew there was something deep there.
       As soon as I placed my hand in his open one, he pulled away,
moaning.
       "I told you to let me sleep. You can poke and prod me later." He
rolled over, facing away from me. His voice was gravelly and hoarse, like
my own had been, but drier. His tone was irritated and harsh.
       "Clay?"
       His head snapped around to face me.
       "Jake?"
       His eyes... I hadn't seen them in so long. His smile came next. A
big, toothy grin. He began to sit up, staring at me as I stared at him. His
smile turned watery quickly, light tears overfilling his eyes. Abruptly, he
pulled me forward with my free hand, bringing me into a tight hug.
       "Jake...I was so worried. No one would tell me anything, just that
you were awake. But... Oh my God, Jake..."
       "I was worried too," I said to his shoulder. "I missed you, so
much."
       He pulled away, and hit me on my good arm, although not very hard.
       "What the hell took you so long?" He was genuinely annoyed at
me. "I've been awake for four days now and you're only just turning up!
What's the deal?"
       "Four days? Nobody told me!"
       "Your parents knew!"
       "They didn't tell me you were awake!"
       "My dad saw them before they took off. And what the hell are they
thinking taking off like that anyway? You were just in a car crash!"
       "And I wanted to come and see you but-"
       "And even if I hadn't been awake, you could have come to see
me. You're gonna make a shitty boyfriend, Jake, if you're gonna treat me
like this."
       "-but you're `girlfriend' wouldn't let me! She caught me in your-"
       "What do you mean-"
       "Did you just call me-"
       "-my `girlfriend'?"
       "-your boyfriend?"
       We stopped. Staring at each other. We both seemed to flush
simultaneously. He looked at me like he was studying my eyes.
       "Well...yeah. I mean... if that's what you want? I just
assumed... After our chat, I thought that you would want to...to be
together."
       My face couldn't have made a bigger smile. "Of course I do!" I bent
down to hug him again.
       "Here," he broke the hug and shuffled across the bed, making room
for me to join him. "So, how're you? Everything good?"
       "Yeah, it's all good now-"
       "What the hell do you mean my girlfriend?"
       "Whoa, calm down, Clay."
       "Well, what do you mean?"
       I began to explain to him the way Chrissie had acted when she had
seen me.
       "So that's why I haven't been to see you. I didn't think I'd get
near you with those guys and I'm not exactly in any fit state to fight off
Dylan or Evander. Maybe Brady..." I cocked a smile, which made Clay laugh.
       "I can't believe she would say something like that. I told her we
were over ages ago. I told her I wanted to be with someone else. And that
she was too much for me to handle."
       "Well obviously she didn't get the message."
       He began to caress my hand gently in his. It was...indescribable to
be talking to Clay again. To be sitting next to him. And to have him hold
me like he had been. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.
       "I missed you," he said to me. "When I woke up, all I wanted was to
see you."
       "I'm sorry, Clay...for not being there."
       "Hey," he took hold of my chin and pulled my face up to see
his. "You're here now. And I couldn't be happier. A little less pain
wouldn't be bad..." He chuckled, his fingers still under my chin. "I'm not
mad or anything. I'm just happy that you're here now, alright? That we're
here. Together. I wouldn't have it any differently." He smiled, our eyes
locked into each others. He leaned in to meet my lips and I moved in for
his, and once more the feeling that I had remembered so clearly but had
barely experienced rushed through my body as we kissed.



Hope you enjoyed it. I felt I may have rushed it a little but it's here now
and published. Kind of. So there's not a lot I can do about that. I hope to
have the next chapter done MAYBE by the end of February. But don't count on
it. It's more than likely it'll be nearer April!  If you didn't like it-,
tough shit. It's been posted. Deal with it.

While chapter nine takes it's time creating itself, here are a few things
you might wanna peruse over:

OPERATION: COLLEGE QUARTERBACK
My FAVOURITE story! Sexy and intelligent. Interesting, thought-provoking.
Awesome.
/nifty/gay/college/operation-college-quarterback/

FALLING FOR A STRAIGHT GUY
(I edit this story. It's very good!)
/nifty/gay/highschool/falling-for-a-straight-guy/

QUARTERBACK WITH THE EMERALD EYES
/nifty/gay/highschool/quarterback-with-the-emerald-eyes/

HOUSE PARTY
Unfortunately I don't think this writer is continuing this story as he
hasn't posted anything since August '08. But you never know...
/nifty/gay/highschool/house-party/

DYLAN'S DILEMMA
/nifty/gay/highschool/dylans-dilemma/

MY GIRLFRIEND'S BROTHER
Not sexy like some others but definitely an amazing read.
/nifty/gay/adult-youth/my-girlfriends-brother/

SKI TRIP
/nifty/gay/highschool/the-ski-trip/

MY ROOMATE NICK
This is a hugely long story- one of the few that remains to be excellent. It's based on real life occurrences, as far as I know, and is excellently written.
/nifty/gay/college/my-roommate-nick/


New finds:

OWEN
http://nifty.org/nifty/gay/college/owen/

AMERICAN DIFFERENCES
http://nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/american-differences/
Brilliantly written. Kinda like mine but backwards.

Let me know what you think of them! And my own of course!
 Response to mac_manap@msn.com
Personal replies will be sent a.s.a.p.

Thanks again.

H.Mac.