Date: Wed, 23 Nov 2005 06:20:07 -0500
From: post modern sleaze <postmodernsleazefics@googlemail.com>
Subject: Anonymity Nowhere part 3

This story is pure fiction and property of the above named authors. All
feedback can be sent to postmodernsleazefics@googlemail.com. Enjoy.


Anonymity Nowhere
By DeadCaffeineJunkie & Keishi


Despite a hangover (treated with water and paracetamol) and having trudged
back home at x am in the night, and despite being soundly scolded by
Mrs. Weatherman (who'd he'd just about managed not to snap back at) he
still managed to get to school early. He was good now wasn't he... and he
cursed himself out for getting drunk last night and tried to pretend he
didn't ache for another drink. He leant heavily on the boys bathroom sink
counter, avoiding his gaze in the mirror. His head throbbed and his stomach
rebelled but most of all he was regretting last night. He tries and tries
to get out of the rut, but he keeps sliding back in. And what he did to
Alerio was unforgivable. He hated himself more than ever. Now if only he
could find the strength of will to stand up...

Alerio drew a breath. He'd seen Iki trudge his way into the bathroom and
now he stood in front of the door leading into it, trying to figure out
what the hell he was even doing there. He remembered last night well;
having not drank nearly as much as Iki apparently had. It was all burned
into his retinas-- the talking, the theatre, the kissing and sucking and
licking. The way Iki looked when he came. The way his eyes glazed over, the
way his tongue stud stroked him just right. He stood there and remembered
and pressed a hand to the door, head bowed. Gathering his courage, he
pushed it open and walked inside.

Iki didn't move to see who it was, `cause moving hurt, but when he saw it
was Alerio in the mirror's reflection he turned round, leaning back against
the sinks. "Oh..." He looked down at the tiled floor, too ashamed to look
at the other boy. "Hi." He said, which was nothing like the apologies he
wanted to say.

Alerio stood just inside the door, trying to get his feet to move closer
but they seemed stuck quite permanently to the tile. "Hey," he said,
whispered, schooling his face to appear neutral. He shrugged, the side of
his mouth quirking upwards. "Now you've seen me around."

Iki tried to smile back but it didn't quite make it. "Yea..." He played
with his thumb ring then bit the bullet. "Look Alerio." He looked him in
the eye quickly, but flicked back down. "I'm sorry. For yesterday. I really
am, it was a cruel thing for me to do, I shouldn't have led you on like
that."

Alerio's eyes widened, but they didn't leave their spot on floor. "You're
sorry?"

Iki winced. "I know it doesn't make up for it, but I am. It wasn't my
intention to hurt you, at all, I just, I'm not good at morning-afters... or
even minutes afters... " he fidgeted. "But still, I'm sorry."

Alerio's smile widened, darkened into a smirk. "You're sorry," he stated
flatly. Suddenly, the anger that now fueled him unglued his shoes from the
tiled floor, and he walked over to Iki, invading his personal space as much
he could. "Well, I have only one thing to say to that: Fuck you." As he
spoke, he grabbed Iki's wrist and shoved him closer, their bodies flush
against each other. He crushed his mouth to Iki's violently, shoving his
tongue down his throat.

Iki drew a startled breath as Alerio gripped his wrists and gave him an
angry kiss that was more of a smother. It was the least thing that Iki
would have expected Alerio to do, but he figured that Alerio was getting
his own back for Iki using him last night, so he submitted and let himself
be kissed, body held tightly, trying not to fight back like it wanted
to. If Alerio wanted to take this from him as his penance he could.

His lips bruised as Alerio kissed Iki, shoving his hips roughly against the
sinks as he covered his tiny body with his own. He transferred Iki's wrists
to one hand, the other trailing up his back to fist in his hair, wrenching
it backwards as he licked along his throat.

Iki winced as the sharp bones of his hips (damn his high metabolism and
lack of body fat ANYWHERE, cushioning would be nice, really..) collided
with the sink, but Alerio's sudden voracity in just taking Iki made the
slight pain necessary, the faux bondage of his skinny wrists in Alerio's
hand and his hand in his hair proved that, and Iki felt his knees grow
weak, his hangover forgotten as he keened as Alerio licked up his throat,
struggling to stay standing against the back bent position he was in.

Alerio paused when he heard Iki's moan, high and wanting. He looked hard
into Iki's eyes, the pressure of his fingers bruising. "You fucking liked
that, didn't you?"

Iki swallowed, his mouth dry. He couldn't speak in case he cried, for what
number of myriad reasons he couldn't tell, so he just tried to get his
breath back and nodded marginally, staring at Alerio for once.

Alerio searched his face, his grip lessening significantly. He pressed his
mouth one last time to Iki's, close-lipped and soft. "I can't do this," he
whispered. "I care too much." He let Iki go and began to walk out of the
bathroom.

Iki gripped the sink counter for support. "No, you don't have to go..." he
said breathlessly. "It's okay, you can... you can do what you like, I don't
mind, I won't say anything..." *I deserve it.*

"You don't fucking GET it, do you?" Alerio roared, turning on Iki and
screaming in his face. "You fucking WHORE, you'd let me do anything I
wanted, wouldn't you?!" He stepped back, chest heaving, and gave Iki a sad,
heartbreaking look. "Except one thing, and that's the one thing I want. You
won't let anyone get close to you, isn't that right? What is so scary
inside your head that you won't let anyone see it? Why the fuck are you
hiding behind all this fucking and running?"

Iki's legs gave up on him when Alerio suddenly turned round and screamed at
him, and he sat down hard on the tiled floor. He closed his eyes and turned
his head away, because Alerio was right. Everything, he'd pulled him out
and had him pinned. And he wanted to tell Alerio and explain to someone
finally, why he needed to be punished but desperately at the same time
needed to be wanted, not even loved, but they were in the middle of a
school and their first lesson was due to start any minute. He was hungover,
and kiss-bruised and Alerio had just turned his inner mind inside out and
he couldn't say anything, but looked back at Alerio with eyes that wanted
to cry and a face as white as a sheet.

Alerio watched Iki for a long time, his eyes never leaving his face. They
stayed like that for a temporary forever, Iki on the floor and Alerio
standing not ten feet away. Finally, Alerio knelt, kneeling on his knees
where he was, not getting any closer. "You're not the only one with shit to
deal with, you know," he said meekly, all of his anger drained.

"I know." Iki said softly, and when his head moved down the damned tears
tipped out and slid down his face faster than he could stop them. "I'm
sorry." again.

"Stop fucking saying that." Despite the implied venom, the words came out
tired and soft. Alerio scooted closer, reached out a hand and tipped Iki's
face upward. He brushed his face with a thumb and held it up. "Your face is
raining again," he said with a bemused expression, a smile playing on his
lips.

Iki opened his mouth to apologize again, but stopped himself in time. He
just watched Alerio with defeated misery.

Alerio backed away, his attempt to make Iki smile failing
miserably. Instead, he hugged his knees to his chest and rested his head on
his knees, never once taking his eyes off Iki. "I want in," he stated
seriously. "Think of it as a way to make up for last night, since you seem
so damn regretful about it. You let me in, to see what's inside of you, and
we'll call it even. I'll never bother you again, if that's what you want."

Iki felt sick. He'd wanted to keep it covered but... Alerio already hated
him (and rightly so). And he deserved it, for what he'd done to Alerio. And
some part of him wanted it, badly. It would be like confessing... "Okay."
He finally decided. "I'll, I'll tell you...anything and everything you
wanna know, I'll tell you."

Fingers fiddled with the ties to his boots as Alerio bit his bottom lip, in
thought. "Last night, you said I should wait for someone that deserved
me... wait, deserved to be LOVED by me," he corrected. "Why don't you think
you deserve to be loved?" 'And why not by me?' he added silently.

Iki winced... it was one thing to bare himself so intimately to Alerio here
but anyone could be listening. He looked round. "We have to do this now?"
He asked, pleading silently not to.

"Fuck yes, we do," Alerio said, adamant. "How do I know you won't ignore me
like you've always done before?"

"I didn't ignore you!" He protested. "I didn't pay you any more or less
attention than anyone else in those corridors who isn't my friend..." His
voice dropped low again. "But please... I promise, you can come with me, if
we can please go somewhere else... you can pick, just not here..."

"I don't care where. But it has to be now," Alerio stated, voice guarded.

Iki chewed his lip worriedly. "Off grounds? We can go to the railway
bridge, no one else'll be round there..."

Alerio nodded. "At least I can smoke there," he said as he got up quickly
from the floor. He held out a hand for Iki.

Iki took it like he was expecting to be thrown into the wall straight after
and picked his bag up at the same time.

Alerio hoisted Iki to his feet and just resisted kissing him again. It
seemed it was going to be hard to keep his hands off of him, but he was
determined to try. He wanted to show Iki he was interested in more than
what his body had to offer, though he was still fuzzy on the details. "Do
you skate?" he asked as an afterthought.

Iki wavered on his feet, his head making a protest. "Uhm, no I don't."

The grin on Alerio's face flashed quick. "Ever wanted to learn?"

Iki eyed him with equal amounts of wariness and fear. "I'm hungover...." He
warned. "Walking nearly makes me puke."

"Pfft, come on," Alerio said, tugging on his hand to propel him out of the
bathroom. "Let's go before people get suspicious." He led them out of the
bathroom, out of the school, still with Iki's hand firmly in his. He led
them over to the side of the building and retrieved his skateboard from
some bushes. "Come on," he said. "You lead."

Oddly, holding Alerio's hand made him want to cry. Few people had ever held
his hand and he wished that he'd done things right, because maybe this hand
holding could have meant something if he hadn't done what he'd did. "Okay,
this way..." he said, turning and waiting for Alerio to release his hand so
he could lead them towards the bridge.

Alerio never let go, however, though he could tell Iki wanted him to. He
let his thumb brush over the delicate skin between Iki's own thumb and
forefinger, and looked at his face out of the corner of his eye. His
skateboard smacked against his left leg rhythmically as they walked.

Iki wondered what Alerio was doing, then decided he must be keeping a hold
of him so he wouldn't run off. But it felt so nice... this was almost more
painful than his head. He looked down as he walked, and didn't notice they
were approaching the hill until he realized it was harder to walk.

Alerio stopped at the top of the hill, his grip on Iki's hand causing him
to halt as well. Releasing Iki's hand, he set down his board and motioned
Iki forward, keeping the board in place on the blacktop with his
foot. "Sit," he commanded.

Iki raised an eyebrow, but he was doing what Alerio wanted today, so he did
as he was told. "What's going on?" he asked warily.

"Just watch," Alerio replied, amused. He climbed on the board behind Iki,
pressing his back firmly against him, wrapping his arms about his slight
chest. "Pull up your legs a bit so your shoes don't get scuffed," he
ordered.

Iki leant back into Alerio slightly, feeling something inside him jump when
the other's boys hands crossed over his chest, but he did as he was told
and pulled his feet up. "Alerio, I don't know..." He said hesitantly.

"Hey," Alerio raised a hand and turned Iki's face to him. "Trust me, okay?"
His large brown eyes were earnest. "I won't hurt you."

Iki was confused but nodded, trusting Alerio. Besides, the other boy
wouldn't kill him if he wanted him alive to talk to him, now would
he. "Kay."

"Alright." Alerio smiled briefly, then pushed off with his feet. Instantly
the board began rolling slowly forward, gaining speed until they were
hurtling down the blacktop hill. At the bottom, Alerio's boots slowed their
movements until they stopped, both breathing heavily. Alerio's smile was
wide at the surge of adrenaline coursing through his veins. "What did ya
think?" he asked Iki, still cradling him to his chest.

Iki had never been more terrified in his life and he thought he was going
to throw up. "It was great." he grinned back, and he looked his age
suddenly, or younger, from a simple experience that he'd never had. Of
course, then he'd stood up, run to a tree and thrown up, nothing but
liquor.

Alerio couldn't help but laugh at Iki as he hoarked his guts up, but he
went over and held Iki's forehead for him as he vomited. When Iki was done,
Alerio silently fished out a half-full water bottle from his backpack and
handed it over. "You okay?"

Iki spat and thankfully took a drink, swilling his mouth before spitting
again and then drinking properly. "I've been better, but I've been worse."
he admitted. "I'll be okay."

"I'm not sorry, you know," Alerio said as they began to walk again.

Iki wondered if he'd missed something. "For what?"

"For a lot of things," Alerio said, vaguely. "What I meant at that moment,
however, was that I wasn't sorry for making you throw up. You needed to get
that liquor out of your system. I bet you feel better already," he stated
matter-of-factly, looking at Iki out of the corner of his eye.

Iki made a face. "You're right," he said. "Of course you're right. I just
hate throwing up." He shuddered in revulsion. "But thanks," he said, and it
was as much a thank you for the skateboard ride as it was for making him
puke.

Alerio chuckled, staring at his feet and the way the skateboard swung out
with his strides. Thinking, he stopped, throwing his hand out to stop Iki
as well. "You know..." he said slowly, cocking his head to one side. "I
wonder..."

Iki, who had been walking intensively with his eyes traced on the ground,
mulling over how this conversation was going to go, jerked to a stop. He
cocked his head at Alerio's slow musings. "What?"

Alerio stepped forward, closing the space between them, and pressed his
mouth to Iki's. It was a short kiss, and when Alerio pulled away, he
wrinkled up his nose, but there was a smile on his face nonetheless. He
sighed, mumbled something to himself, and continued walking.

Iki would have been less stunned if Alerio had flashed him a pair of boobs,
and this state of shock was becoming annoyingly frequent. He turned to
follow Alerio. "Wh-what was that?" He asked, incredulous.

"Nothing," Alerio stated flippantly, though the grin on his face widened,
his pointy canines visible. "How much longer `til we get there, anyway?"

Iki was going to protest, a damp spark of his usual fire igniting, but it
flickered out when he remembered that Alerio was controlling this outing
and just answered. "S'actually just round the bend." He said, pointing to
the end of the road a few metres ahead of them.

Alerio raised an eyebrow, his grin turning somewhat feral. Without warning,
he grabbed Iki and kissed him long and hard, holding him, practically
carrying him, his tongue delving in and claiming that mouth, that hot, wet
mouth that tasted like sour liquor and stomach acid, but Alerio didn't
care-- in fact, he loved it, because of and in spite of that.

Iki made a muffled noise of startlement but let himself be kissed and
grabbed and kissed hard at that. Iki held onto Alerio and enjoyed being
plundered despite himself.

"Fuck, Iki," Alerio mumbled into his mouth, "I'm trying, I'm really fucking
trying..." He trailed off, the temptation of Iki's tongue stud too much, as
he drew out Iki's tongue and sucked on it. Their kisses were wet and
sloppy, Alerio licking all around and inside Iki's mouth. The rest of him
responded in kind, hands grabbing handfuls of Iki's ass and pressing his
groin against his half-hard, encased cock.

Iki gasped back, and whimpered and didn't care about the words and just
wanted more of hands on him right then. He played catch with Alerio's
tongue and he shoved his hips down into Alerio's growing arousal, his own
responding, like a weird game of follow-the-leader. He clutched Alerio's
back just to stay grounded.

Alerio's hand wandered down Iki's side and caught his leg, bringing it up
to wrap around him so he could find better friction between their
groins. He twisted his lips off of Iki's and blazed a trail down his chin,
throat, and collarbone, raking the neck of his shirt down to taste the skin
there.

Iki clung to Alerio's hip with his leg cooperatively and still rubbed up
against the other boy, tilting his chin up to let Alerio's mouth rake down
to his neck and stammered pleas to not stop and pleas to go harder in a
near frantic voice.

"You're-- fucking-- insatiable, you know that?" Alerio panted, practically
carrying Iki. He stepped backwards, not exactly sure of his location-- and
fell over, Iki riding him and landing on his knees. The skateboard skidded
out from under his foot. "Oof!" All of Alerio's breath whooshed out of him,
but still he laughed, soundlessly, as he cradled Iki to his upper body.

"Well, I am a whore after all." he said without bite, and wondered why he'd
said it. He 'eeped' when they fell over and wondered if Alerio had hit his
head when he started laughing. "Are you okay?" He asked, not moving
cause... well, Alerio was pinning him down.

Alerio stopped laughing slowly, his breath coming back to him. He stroked
Iki's sides soothingly, trying to dismiss his words but they wouldn't let
go, niggling in the back of his mind. "Why do you always do that?" he asked
solemnly.

Iki leant his head down sideways on Alerio's chest and was suddenly
surprised to hear the other boy's heart beating. "Hmm, do what?" he asked
softly, trying to listen.

Alerio continued stroking his sides, staring up at the cloudy sky. It was
always cloudy here, he noted absently. "Why do you always refer to yourself
in some debasing way?"

"I don't." he protested, still hypnotised by the beat and the rhythmic
moving of Alerio's fingers.

"Yes, you do!" Alerio pushed Iki up, sitting up himself. "Just a second
ago, you called yourself a whore, and that's not the first time you've
talked down to or about yourself. What gives? Why do you feel the need to
lower yourself like that?" He didn't realize it, but Alerio was gripping
Iki's arm tightly, his nails digging in.

Iki winced but didn't move. "I'm not lowering myself... it's what everyone
else says I am and it's the truth. Why should I make myself look
egotistical pretending to be something I'm not."

"Fine." Alerio stood up, dusted off his pants. "You want to be that way?
Then fine. I don't fucking give a damn." He began walking. "The bridge is
this way, right? Let's go." He didn't even look back to see if Iki was
following.

Iki was rapidly remembering that nothing in life was static. Dispirited and
not knowing what he'd done to make Alerio suddenly so mad-- he'd told the
truth after all-- he followed the other boy under the bridge.

Alerio climbed up and slouched next to one of the pillars. Taking out his
nearly empty pack of cigs, he placed one between his bruised lips and lit
it, puffing out the smoke dejectedly.

Iki followed and sat against the other pillar, next to Alerio, but at a
distance. Seeing the other boy have a smoke made him want one, and he did
the same, lighting up within minutes.  Alerio looked down, took another
drag, then settled himself to where he was facing Iki. "You ever gonna
answer my question?"

Iki was calmer with a cigarette and didn't jump this time. "What question?"
He asked, blowing smoke out at almost the same time.

"The one I asked in the bathroom," he deadpanned, not making it any easier
for Iki. His cigarette dangled from his lips.

Iki sighed. "I don't deserve to be loved by YOU." he said. "You want
someone... " He searched for the right word. "Cleaner." Perfect.

Alerio raised an eyebrow. "I want someone who smells like Lysol?"

Iki gave him a withering look. "You know what I mean." he accused.

"No," Alerio countered, giving back as good as he got, his scowl
deepening. "I don't. But I'm not talking about me. I want to know why you
don't think you deserve what every greeting card in the world tells us we
all deserve. Why do you not want to be loved?"

Iki's eyes darkened. "I want to be loved." he said back, his voice no less
insistent for its quietness. "Of course I want to be loved. But I don't
want to keep thinking it will happen with people I happen to have sex with
one night and I certainly don't think it will happen with you. You wouldn't
WANT me, I told you. You need someone cleaner. And you know I don't mean
literally."

"And you're suddenly an expert on all things me, huh?" Alerio spat back. He
leaned forward, taking his cigarette out of his mouth. "If you know me so
fucking well, then did you predict I'd do this?" He stuck the burning tip
of his cigarette to the smooth, unblemished flesh of his lower arm, right
in the middle. He squeezed his eyes shut and hissed out a pained breath,
but there was a smile on his face as he let it burn.

Iki dived. It was beautiful really. Dived over and shoved his hand out to
knock the cigarette off Alerio's arm, mildly singing his fingertips in the
process. "You moron." He scolded. "That's not funny! And anyway, I'm only
saying what you told me. You're the one who said you were getting attached,
and I couldn't be expected to get it. You thought it meant more than I
did. You called me a whore. Of course you want someone who EXPECTS to be
kept around after being fucked, of course you want someone who hasn't been
had by half the city, what the hell else was I supposed to think?"

Alerio covered his arm with his hand, his face screwed up with pain, but he
gritted his teeth and ignored it the best he could. "Look, I'm fucking
sorry I called you a whore, but I was only repeating your own little mantra
back to you. I don't really think that, in case you were wondering. And I
never said I wanted a relationship, but I also don't want to just dismiss
what we did last night as if it were nothing at all. Now answer me
honestly: do you feel anything for me? If you don't, after today I'll leave
you alone. Forever. But if there's anything here..." he drew in a shaky
breath, expectant.

Iki frowned and said nothing for some time before finally speaking... "I
could... feel something for you." He said tentatively. "I don't know you
yet. I like you, yea, but... I've had sex with a lot of people I've liked
Rio, and I haven't had feelings for almost all of them. And I'm
really... I'm not good for you to be with."

"Then how about you shut the fuck up and let me decide for myself? Who are
you, my fucking mother?" Alerio was sullen, looking down at his arm, at the
perfect, circular spot of searing pain and burnt flesh. The pain sobered
him, brought him back down to this flipped reality.

"I could let you find out, and I could love you and then you'd realize I'm
not right for you and dump me and we'd be exactly the same only you
wouldn't be trying to like me and I'd have my heart broken." Iki looked
down at the burn and then quickly licked over it, then blew.

Alerio's eyes followed Iki as he tended to his wound. The feel of his
tongue against the rough skin made him groan and lower his eyelids, and he
let his head fall back to rest against the pillar. "Ha-- you think I could
break your heart?" he asked, voice thick.

Iki looked back up at him with suddenly broken eyes. "I know you would
break my heart," he said. "It's easy to break."

Alerio watched Iki, then let out the faintest growl, like prey trying to
become predator. He snaked an arm out, grabbing the back of Iki's head and
lurching him forward, leaning himself to meet in the middle and capture
Iki's mouth in a breathstealing kiss. He paused long enough to mutter, "You
could break mine, too," before they were kissing again, frantic and
drinking and desperate.

Iki kissed back before realizing, it was happening again. He pushed away
from Alerio. "No, no, stop!" He said wildly.

Alerio tried to grab fruitlessly at Iki's hand as he pushed away. "What?"

"I can't keep doing this." Iki said, nearly physically wincing with how
girly he sounded. "Either you fuck me here and now and I tell you what you
wanna know and you leave me alone or you stop fucking with my head, cause I
can't TAKE it." he said, shaking despite himself.

Alerio's eyes narrowed. "Would you like that? For me to fuck you silly in
the middle of nowhere? Me, who wouldn't know the first fucking thing about
sex." He snorted, his fingers playing with the button of his pants because
he was itching for a cigarette but only had two left. Had to save them
until the next day, when he could buy more. "Fine, I'll try to leave you
alone. But no promises."

It was the way he spoke, Iki thought, that got to him so bad and turned him
into such a slut, because now, he did kinda want Alerio to pin him up
against a pillar and fuck him through it until he was senseless, and all
this from one sentence. And he didn't want Alerio to leave him
alone... damn, he just wanted to be a normal boy and have a normal gay
relationship and not be mindfucked and not be too trashy for anyone who
might be good for him. But he didn't say this. "So, what do you want to
know then." He sighed. Alerio wasn't going to fuck him (he didn't think)
but he still had to keep his promise and get his forgiveness.

Alerio rubbed his eyes, suddenly very tired. He blinked, bringing Iki's
face back into focus. "Uh, okay." He waved vaguely at Iki's face. "Why all
the piercings? You some kinda masochist?"

Iki clicked his tongue stud against his teeth before he answered. "Hmm, yes
and no... I got the piercings because... well, let's say I was going
through my 'rebellious phase'" he made air quotation marks. "and I like the
jewelry. I always like eyebrow piercings, and they grow out so fast that
they're not permanent, and the mouth jewelry's half something for me to
play with half something for OTHER'S to play with." He sucked on his lip
ring in emphasis. "But I do have masochistic tendencies.... as you know."
He was being utterly frank. Alerio wanted in, and that's what he was
getting.

Alerio scratched at his burn, then winced. "Ah, fuck." Hissing, he then
focused back on Iki. "Where's your family? You mentioned living in a foster
home before."

Iki's expression shuttered. He might have to tell Alerio everything, but he
wouldn't necessarily know how he felt about it all. "You know as much as me
about where my dad is." he said uncomfortably. "He got my mum pregnant when
she was 14 and then left when he found out. And I don't know where my mum
is either, I haven't heard from her since I was thirteen. I don't have any
siblings, as far as I know... I could have countless half-siblings, but who
knows? And my mum's only family was her dad- my granddad obviously- and he
died when I was six."

"So you've been in foster care since you were 13?" Alerio couldn't imagine
life without any family at all.... even though his own left much to be
desired, still... to be all alone in the world. It seemed so... cold.

"Pretty much... the longest I've stayed in one foster home is six
months... it's been a lot of to and fro-ing from house to centre to house
again, you know how it is." he shrugged with one shoulder.

"Actually," Alerio said, shaking his head, "I haven't a clue. I mean, it's
always been my mom and me, then Maria came along. As much as I wished I
could free myself of my mother, I don't actually know what it would be like
to be on my own." Shifting, he moved closer to Iki, but made no move to
touch him. He knew the rules. "So, why do you think you're unclean? Did
anything happen to you at any of these foster homes or something?"

Iki shuddered like someone had dragged a thumbnail down his
spine. "Nothing... nothing like you're thinking." He said. "There were a
few who were a bit gung-ho on corporal punishment, but I reported them
within, like, a week. You get bad ones sometimes." He fidgeted with his
thumb ring and stared down at his feet. "No, I'm just dirty cause... cause
I'm only 16 and already a slut. There was a time I had sex with anything
with legs. And I grew up around fucking drug dealers and shit, and that
stuff rubs off on you." He bit at his thumbnail. "And there's the whole
criminal record thing. And the alcoholism. And the drugs bit, but that
wasn't so bad, I mean, I got out of THAT pretty quick..." He continued
chewing at his nail like it was the most interesting thing on earth.

As Iki rambled on, Alerio's eyebrows inched slowly upward, until they'd
disappeared underneath his haphazard bangs. "I see," he murmured, still
fiddling with his burn. By now, he'd dug his fingernail into it, only a
little bit at a time, the pain pleasant, rushing endorphins through his
system. It was akin to being high on ecstasy, only without the chemical
imbalance. "Why do you think you became such a nymphomaniac, you think?"

Iki shrugged again. "I dunno." he said. "Maybe `cause I didn't have anyone
who, you know, I dunno, gave me any attention as a kid and suddenly there
were all these people telling me I was pretty and wanting to touch me and
stuff." *and love me* "And at the time I didn't really give a damn about
much and, you know, I like sex."

Alerio leaned forward, arms cradled in his lap. "So, if I told you that you
were pretty and touched you and paid attention to you... you'd what? Let me
fuck you? Is there any way I can convince you that I'd like more-- that I
want more?"

Iki crossed his arms over his torso and looked down now. "I probably would
let you fuck me." he said quietly. He quirked an empty smile at
Alerio. "Cause you're also really hot as well..." the smile
dropped. "But... I don't know. I'd like to believe you wanted more... but I
don't think you'd mean it, as much as you might think you did." He
squirmed. "It's not you. I just, I don't trust things like that easily."

Alerio sighed, loudly. "Then how can I get you to trust me? I--" he shook
his head. "Forget it. You know what? You've kept up your end, so I'll keep
up mine." He got up, adjusted his shirt and flipped up his
skateboard. "I'll leave you alone now," he said, face serious.

Iki got up and grabbed Alerio's shirt. "No!" he said desperately. "Don't
leave." He composed himself a little. "Look, I've never stayed at one home
for more than six months and living with my mother wasn't exactly the kind
of life that inspires faith in people. I WANT to trust you, but I can't
just flip a switch on and make it happen. I know I'm insecure and an
emotional wreck and I won't let people get close cause it hurts when they
just don't want you around later on and send you away again, to start all
over again. But Alerio... I DO like you... as much as I can like someone
who wasn't just a one night stand. And I. I'd like... what you want. I'd
like attachment. Just, I don't know how you can fix me, but if you leave me
now... it won't happen at all." He let go of Alerio's sleeve. "I just, I
don't want to ruin your life."

Alerio looked at Iki, long and hard. His eyes were intense, a million
things he wanted to say swimming in them, but his lips remained pursed,
pensive. Slowly, very slowly, he lifted up one arm, the one with the burn
mark. He showed it to Iki, making sure it was in plain sight. "I'd hurt
myself to make you even notice me, imagine what I'd do to just have you as
my own. Mine. If that doesn't tell you anything about who I am, then
nothing will. You want it, I want it. I don't understand what's very hard
about this." Leaning in, he pressed a wet, solid kiss to Iki's chin, then
set his stuff down. Taking out a sheet of paper, he scribbled on it quickly
with a stubby pencil and handed it over. "Your move." As Iki took the
paper, he smiled faintly at him, almost with a strange kind of hope, and
walked away.