Date: Wed, 3 Aug 2005 06:53:31 EDT
From: NEL114@aol.com
Subject: gay male highschool anybody just not him 8

You guys know the drill, don't get caught reading if your not old enough or
its illegal.
If u like it tell me. NEL114@aol.com. The fire cannot burn me so if you
absolutely feel the need to flame me, do it all you want I'm immune.ENJOY!!

the reason i accidentally updated he was my best friend instead of anybody
just not him was....i dunno. so if you went to he was my best friend and got
this chapter MY BAD, just laugh and know that authors arent perfect, i'm just a
kid.

Anybody just not him chapter 8: choices we make

Would I be willing to loose Eric, over Tony. He was my best friend and would
have my back through anything. He was the only guy that I would talk too. Then
Tony showed up, he replaced both Derrick and Eric in less than a day. He made
me smile and didn't make me frown, he makes me feel protected and I know he'
ll keep my secrets.

So what do I tell Eric. I love derrick but now I've found some one that might...
.maybe can replace him. In time. Do I tell him I'm gay or do I say don't
worry about it. I cant lie to him...to them, anymore. So today is truth, I'm just
glad they don't know about the cutting, or the other bad stuff. Today was just
about me being gay, Danita knew so she should be some help. I just hope that
he doesn't hate me, I couldn't handle that.

" what about 6th ?"  I wasn't ready, maybe if I thought it out in 6th I could
figure something out.

"NO! now! Ya'll been hiding shit from me for way too long." this is the first
time I've seen him sad. He's always happy, when were sad he always makes us
feel better. He's like our rock. But the look on his face, and then the look
in his eyes. It hurt, it hurt to know that I'm the reason one of my BEST
friends is hurting. I'm the reason why he's in pain.

" Eric...I didn't mean to-I wanted to tell you but..."  I couldn't speak, every
time I tried I would choke up. Every lie would catch in my throat. I couldn't
speak, I couldn't lie. I was use to lying about how I feel, I mean who wants
to hear somebody talk about how sad and lonely they are. Even if they're your
friends, they wouldn't want to hear that shit. NOBODY wants to hear some one
bitch all day. that's why I don't tell them, its why I don't want them to
know. Better them thinking I'm fine than worrying all day about how I am. Plus, I
would be sad knowing that they're worrying about me and treating me like some
fragile piece of glass.

"Eric, we didn't hide it...we were just waiting for the right time" Danita
grabbed Eric's face to make him look at her. He would listen to her if not
anybody. " we couldn't just drop it on you-"

" YOU FUCKIN KNEW TOO!!!?" he pushed her hands from his face. " I thought ya'
ll were my fuckin friends." his voice grew light to almost a whisper as He
looked back from me to D. I felt like shit. I held Tony a little tighter and he
did the same. I wasn't crying, I don't cry. But if I could I would be balling,
crying my fuckin eyes out like a child. I hurt Eric.

" Eric It's not like that. I didn't want to worry you. You got enough shit
goin on in your life already." I let go of Tony. But he wouldn't let go. I had
to softly tug at his hands before he reluctantly let go.

" but still..." I looked at D and we both went over to comfort him. The piece
of shit known as Chris was forgotten.

" Get off me!" he hit me, ERIC hit me. Although it didn't hurt and I know he
can hit a lot harder than that. It was Eric. And as soon as I hit the ground
Tony rushed over. " Tony don't!" I didn't want him and Eric fighting.

" Eric!!! Yo what the fuck." D pushed him. " and yo ass wonder why we didn't
tell you shit!" even though they were all mad at him, I wasn't. I felt like I
deserved it and a lot more. I hurt him and this is what I deserve. Tony was
beside me, ready to jump Eric if he had to.

" ya'll its cool. I'm ok." and what do I do when I feel my absolute
shittiest? I smiled " its ok, ive been hit harder." I smiled and stood to my feet. D
and Eric looked at me with sadness. But when I looked at Tony he looked
confused, like he was trying to understand something.

 " ok...we really need to talk..." D spoke, I could see the concern in her eyes.

" its ok, really. I'm coo-"

" don't you fuckin say it! I'm cool right. Its what you ALWAYS fucking say!"
Eric...

" every fucking day man! Every mutha fuckin day...you come here looking all
sad. But as soon as somebody ask you, you just smile and say, `its cool'. " ITS
NOT FUCKING COOL! We already worry about ya ass. And you bein' gay aint no
surprise to me, I already knew."

"...." just like before I couldn't find the words, Its like my entire
knowledge of the English language drew a blank...they knew...they always knew. I got all
misty eyed, they couldn't see me like this. I wont let them, just another
thing for them to worry about.
Tony grabbed my hand, and that was it. His touch made the first one fall, I
held back as much as I could. I couldn't last long, not like this. I needed to
get away.

"Eric's right...tell us." Danita said in a soft comforting voice. Almost
motherly, but I wouldn't know about that. Having a mother that cared. My mom could
care less about me, she doesn't give a fuck. I wouldn't know what its like to
come home feeling shit and then have your mom bake you cookies just because
she knows they'll make you feel better. She doesn't give a fuck! About me or
anybody else that would damage her image. That fake image that she worked so
hard to build.

I couldn't take any more, I was about to break. They cant see me like this. I
tried to calm my self down, thinking of song that I know that usually work.
Well until I got home...

Don't hold yourself like that
You'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth, your back
And that's all I need
don't build your world around
Volcanoes melt you down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth, your back
Is that all you need?
don't drag my love around
Volcanoes melt me down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

What I give to you is not real

What I give to you is just what I'm going through
This is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding
What I really need is what makes me bleed
And like a new disease, she's still to young to treat
Volcanoes melt me down
She's still to young
I kissed your mouth
You do not need me....

~Volcanoes
Damien rice

"Hey!! Helloooooooo?"

" is he ok"

" I don't know.."

I was on the ground, with Eric and Danita bending over me. And Tony was
behind me while l lay on his knees.

" I'm ok..." what the fuck happened.

" you kinda fell..." Eric said while offering a hand to help me.

This was to much, if I didn't do it now...I might just go crazy. Its
overwhelming, I need release. And I need it now. We'd already skipped most of sixth so
there was no point goin there.

" I feel kind like shit, think you could give me a ride?" I asked Eric.
Although I wasn't quite ready to be alone with him, he was the only person that I
trusted who had had a car.

But before Eric could respond Tony did. " I'll take you." it wasn't like an
offer but more like a command.

 Eric nodded his ok. I didn't want him to feel like we weren't friends.

" Wait, promise me something..." he looked at me seriously.

"ok..."

" you're coming over my house tonight, and so are you." he turned to D. even
though I was tired as hell, I couldn't say no.

" ill try but-"

" No buts, your coming. Just ask your boyfriend to take you." the words
seemed to come out of his mouth really slow. And as soon as he said it, we all went
like dead silent.

"  ok ERIC your walking me to the...locker. Come on" one final look and they
were gone.

" ok that was weird." first thing that comes to mind. As soon as Eric said
the B word, I didn't know what to say. We locked eyes, it was intense. We didn'
t have to talk, not a word. I already knew. His eyes told secrets...they said he
loves me.

We headed to the exit that would lead us to the student parking lot.  Once we
got to the parking lot exit I said.

" I'm goin to the pop machine." I was mega drained and caffeine in the form
of Faygo would make me feel better.

" I'll be right here." I could tell by the look in his eyes what he wanted.
But not here, not in school

I looked at him a bit longer before turning and heading for the nearest Pop
machine.
I was reaching for the door when it flew open. I jumped back and clumsy ole
me fell and hit my head HARD I might add. I closed my eyes and rubbed my head,
same thing I did when he grabbed my wrist. Tony...

" oh shit, yo my bad." I know that voice.

" its cool..." what do I say? it's easier pretending to be mad at him I know
what to say then. But when he's nice...I cant. Tony...

"you ok." Tony reached down and pulled me up.

" yea I'm cool." I heard Tony sigh. I guess I should stop saying that.

I couldn't help it. We were so close. I looked to his eyes, his beautiful
brown eyes.

"you and me, just wait. You'll see, it'll be worth it. Your mine..."

Tony stepped between Derrick and I. I was glad, my distraction from his eyes.

 his eye told me everything his mouth would not
his eyes told me his love and his apologies

No more, I have Tony now. I'm not waiting for him anymore. Anybody just not
him...

" get the fuck outta my face!" Derrick yelled. I pulled Tony's arm, He looked
at me then back at derrick.

We left him there, me holding on to Tony's arm while derrick was there alone...
I shouldn't feel bad right? In just a day Tony has been more then Derrick
ever has, he protects me. I shouldn't feel bad...but that look in his eyes. His
mouth was moving, but I couldn't understand what he was saying.

" he' s mine..."


A/N
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me Nel114@aol.com . If you like this one checkout my other story called he was
my best friend, its in the high school section as well. Check out my other
story he was my best friend, in the high school section. SARAH RULES!!