Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 09:18:06 -0700 (MST)
From: pete <pistonpolisher@webtv.net>
Subject: The Ballad of JT, Chapter Three, Gay Male, High School

Copyright Notice - This story is copyright by Pete Roholt and the author
retains all rights.  You may distribute, copy or print this story
however you like, as long as this copyright notice remains intact and
you do not change the story in any way.  Also you may not charge any
fee to anyone to distribute or access this story. 

Okay you all know the routine if you ain't supposed to read this don't.
If you do don't get caught. If male to male affection and or sex bothers
you get lost. There isn't any sex in this part and probably won't be any
for a while. This story is going to deal with being outed in high
school, gay bashing, suicide and other intense themes (If my writing is
up to it ) This is fiction it isn't true some scenes are based on my own
experiences with names changed to protect the guilty. Any comments will
be welcome please include"nifty" in the subject line.
pistonpolisher@webtv.net 

The Ballad of JT 

By Pete Roholt 

Chapter 3 

"I've lost Jimmy. What am I going to do without Jimmy" 

I called the nurse and asked for something for the pain. She didn't know
that the pain that was bothering me wasn't from the injuries. Later they
made me go for a walk again. After returning from my walk I found my
folks in my room. 

"Hello." I said quietly. 

"JT, I'm.. well I'm sorry for the way I reacted earlier." My Dad said,
"This took me by surprise. You've always been such a boy's boy, scouts,
riding horse, working on cars. I just never dreamed that you'd be..." 

"Gay." I said. 

"Yeah uh gay." 

"Dad, I'm still the same person that I was the only difference is that
I'm not lying to you. You always taught me to be honest and you don't
know how much it hurt me to not be honest about this." 

"Actually JT, I do have a pretty good idea." He said, "Do you remember
your uncle Jeff?" 

"John, we can talk about this another time," My mom interrupted. 

"No, Sarah." He said. "I want to talk about this now. JT, do you
remember Jeff?" 

"Well I remember that he was real sick, but he always liked for me to
visit with him. I remember one terrible thunderstorm when I went to his
room and he held me and told me that I didn't have to be afraid because
he wouldn't let anyone hurt me. But he died when I was like... ten
right?" 

"Yeah, 1992." He said, "You see Jeff was gay. For a long time I was the
only person in the family that knew. I was the only person that he
trusted enough to tell. I was 16 years older than he was and I guess in
many ways I thought of him as my own son rather than as a brother. He
died of AIDS. He was only 27." 

"JT, when you said you were gay it brought up so many old memories. I
didn't want to face it. When Jeff died I guess I didn't really deal with
his death, I just closed off a little bit of myself and refused to open
it. When I left earlier I went down to the chapel and as I sat there I
could hear Jeff chewing me out, telling me what a rotten selfish bastard
I had been to my own son. That's where your mother found me sitting in a
pew in the chapel crying my eyes out." 

"JT I am so ashamed of the way I reacted. If there were any way I could
make it up to you I would, but there isn't anything I can do to
completely remove the pain I caused. I love you son, please forgive me." 

"Of course I forgive you." I said. "I really didn't know what had
happened to Jeff. I should have figured it out I guess." 

"No hon," Mom said. "After Jeff died I knew your Dad didn't want to talk
about it so I made sure the subject didn't get brought up. You were just
ten and you knew he died and what from didn't make any difference." 

"Sometime," Dad said. "I will tell you about Jeff, but this isn't the
time or place. I do have one question though." 

"What?" I asked. 

"How did they find out that you're gay?" he asked. 

I felt my face heat up and I knew I was blushing. "Well, saturday night
after the movie my boyfriend and I were caught parking." 

"You have a boyfriend?" He asked. 

"Yeah. Or rather I had a boyfriend." 

"Who is it?" Dad asked. 

Mom interrupted him and said, "Jimmy O'brien." 

"Well I really shouldn't say," I said. "But from the conversation I just
had with Mrs. O'brien they already know." 

"Are you okay?" Mom asked. 

"Mom, I just don't know. The only good thing in my life lately has been
Jimmy and I don't know what I'm gong to do without him." I said, "Mrs..
O'brien was really mad and I don't think they will let us see each other
again." 

I tried, I mean I really tried, but tears came to my eyes and before I
could stop it I was crying like a baby. 

Mom came over and put her arms around me and said, "Shhh it'll be
alright honey everything'll be alright." 

I felt another hand on my should and I saw through my tears that my
father had put his hand on me and was holding Mom with his other arm.
That was when I knew that no matter what else happened my parents loved
me. 

After quite a long time my tears finally quit. I sniffled a little and
said, "Thanks, you guys are the best." 

"JT," Dad said. "I'm going to have to go back home tonight. The business
won't run itself. But your mother will stay here with you. The doctor
thinks you'll be able to get out in a few days and I'll come back for
both of you then. Is there anything you want me to say to your uncles or
grandparents?" 

"Well," I said. "Knowing Wheatland they probably already have heard the
rumors. So tell them the truth. I have no intention of living a lie when
I go back, not that I could go back into the closet anyway." 

"That's the JT I know." Dad said, "Just cowboy up and do it." 

"Is there any other way to do a difficult job?" I asked with a small
grin on my face. 
"Nope," Dad said with a smile. "Just cowboy up and do it." 

An aide brought in my tray for dinner and Mom said "Lord is that the
time. Dad and I need to go eat too. Is there anything you need?" 

"Yeah Mom where are my clothes?" 

"They cut them off of you at home we'll have to get some new ones. What
do you want?" 

"Nike's, sweat pants and a sweat shirt, some T-shirts and boxer briefs
and some socks would be great." 

Mom came over and gave me a hug and said, "I'm so happy your back with
us." 

Then Dad came over and gave me a hug too. "JT I am really sorry for the
way I acted this morning. I do love you and I was so worried about you." 

"I love you too Dad."

After they left I sat down to a fine meal of hospital food. Yuck. I
should have asked them to bring me a Big Mac.