Date: Mon, 27 Mar 2000 17:45:42 -0700 (MST)
From: pete <pistonpolisher@webtv.net>
Subject: The Ballad of JT, Chapter 6, Gay Male, High School

Copyright Notice - This story is copyright by Pete Roholt and the author
retains all rights.  You may distribute, copy or print this story
however you like, as long as this copyright notice remains intact and
you do not change the story in any way.  Also you may not charge any
fee to anyone to distribute or access this story.

Okay you all know the routine if you ain't supposed to read this don't.
If you do don't get caught. If male to male affection and or sex bothers
you get lost. There isn't any sex in this part and probably won't be any
for a while. This story is going to deal with being outed in high
school, gay bashing, suicide and other intense themes (If my writing is
up to it ) This is fiction it isn't true some scenes are based on my own
experiences with names changed to protect the guilty. Any comments will
be welcome pistonpolisher@webtv.net please include nifty on the subject
line

The Ballad of JT

By Pete Roholt

Chapter 6

Beep...beep...beep...beep

"God damned alarm clock" I thought to myself. I got out of bed and
stretched and as I did so my ribs reminded me of what happened. I walked
into my bathroom and looked in the mirror staring back at me was a slim
sixteen year old with blonde hair. I could barely make out the bruises
around my eyes, but my nose now had a crook in it that hadn't been there
before. I carefully brushed my teeth trying to avoid those spots that
were still tender I knew from talking to my dentist that it would be
awhile before I had a full set of teeth again. I took a roll of plastic
cling wrap and wound it around the bandages on my ribs and my arm to
keep them from getting wet during my shower.

After I took a quick shower I went back into my room and dressed for
school. It had been two weeks since I had been beaten up, I really
didn't want to go. I put on white socks. boxer briefs and a T-shirt,
blue jeans and a western shirt. I slipped a heavy black belt through the
loops on my pants and put my trucker wallet in my back pocket slipping
the belt through the chain that held the wallet. I pulled on my Tony
Llama boots and looked in the mirror again, I looked pretty much the
same as two weeks ago except for the crewcut I now wore. It was the only
thing I could do to my hair after the doctors had shaved it in different
spots to put stitches in.

I walked upstairs to the kitchen and my
Mom smiled and said "Good Morning, JT."
I smiled back at her and sat down. She put my breakfast in front of me.
I was expecting a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of OJ and was surprised to
see a big three egg omelet and hash browns and Texas toast.

"What's this? The condemned man's last meal," I asked her.

"John!" she said sharply "Don't even talk like that. I just wanted to
make you something special. You are special to your Dad and me."

"Yeah and I'm a fag to everyone at school."

She came over and put her arms around me. "JT, your father and I have
talked to the school administrator and your teachers they don't want to
be sued so we think everything will be okay. If you have any trouble
find a teacher and tell them."

"Right," I sarcastically replied, "then I'll be a fag that is also an
informer. That's just what I need to do."

"Eat your breakfast before it gets cold."
I knew that the conversation was over and I knew I had disappointed her
again. I asked myself again why I had to be gay, why I had to live in
this redneck town? Then again I guess I was a run of the mill redneck
like everyone else around here.

After I finished eating I said, "Thanks mom that was great."

She handed me a small box and said, "This is for you."

I opened it and there was a cell phone. I
looked up at her questioningly.

"For your safety. It has speed dial #1 is your Dad's office, #2 is here
and #3 is 911. We really hope you don't need it, but we will feel better
knowing you have it."

I got up and hugged her saying, "Oh Mom I love you guys." She hugged me
back so tightly it hurt my ribs, "Ouch! watch the ribs."

"Sorry hon, you don't know how much Daddy and I were worried waiting at
the hospital. Be careful son. Your friends will come around after they
realize you are the same person that they have always known."

I said, "Love you Mom."

I grabbed a John Deere baseball cap and then went out to my truck to go
to school. I put a tape of Alabama in and listened to it on the way. I
was a few minutes early so I sat in my truck trying to make myself calm
down. The three minute bell rang so I grabbed my backpack and headed
inside.

Everyone was staring at me I could feel it on the back of my neck, yet
every time I looked around everyone made sure they were looking in
another direction. Then the whispering started.

"Faggot, cocksucker, queer." I heard all of those and more. One of the
jocks from the football team elbowed me in the ribs then looked me right
in the eye and said, "Fucking fag look where your going. the Bible is
right about you people, you should be stoned to death."

By the time I got to first period english I felt like had ran a
marathon. I was sweating and I was so fucking mad. Mrs. Pike looked at
me and said. "JT, Mr. Stein would like to see you in his office before
you start class."

"Oh great." I thought to myself and went to find the principal. All in
all Mr. Stein was a good teacher and had always been a friend to me.

Surprisingly he was in his office waiting for me. "JT, come in and sit
down."

I took a seat and said "What's up Mr. Stein?"

"Mmm, well I just wanted to talk to you for a bit." he replied, "How are
you feeling."

"I feel like I missed two weeks of school because I got beat half to
death in the locker room. I feel like everyone in the whole school is
staring at me." I said.
"Mostly I feel real angry."

"Well, I guess I understand why you would feel that way."

"Am I going to be safe here?" I asked.

"JT, I can't really tell you that. We have done about everything we can
to ensure your safety, but when it comes down to it I can't guarantee
it." He replied, "If you have any problems get a hold of a teacher right
away."

He gave me a pass and I walked back to class. I got to english which by
then was half over and made my way to my seat. The guy behind me kept
saying insults under his breath. I felt myself getting more and more
tense, I damn sure wasn't paying any attention to class. Mrs Pike gave
out the assignment for the next day and we got ready to go. The guy
behind kept up his steady barrage of insults only he got louder so more
people could hear him, but the teacher couldn't.

At last the bell rang I jumped out of my desk and swinging my backpack
as hard as I could I caught the asshole behind me on the side of his
head with it and knocked him out of his desk onto the floor.
"Oh, excuse me," I said loudly while pretending to be helping him up. I
stepped on his hand with the heel of my boot and ground it in. Then I
reached down and lifted him to his feet while whispering in his ear "You
want a piece of me I'll give it to you. You fuck with me again and I'll
bust your arm now fuck off loser."

With that I turned and walked out. Every class all day long was a repeat
of english. I was crying inside, but I didn't let anyone see it. At
lunch some guy tried to trip me. I sat down at an empty table and tried
to get a hold of my feelings. None of my friends had even said hello to
me. I hadn't seen my best friend Jason yet, but he hadn't come to see me
while I was gone so I figured that 16 year friendship was gone too. I
just zoned out trying to make myself feel better.

"JT, JT... earth to JT."

"Huh?" I shook my head and looked up.
Standing there was my ex-girlfriend Lori.
"Hi, Lori. What do you want?"

"I just thought you might like some company." She replied.

"Aren't you worried about being seen with the fag?" I asked.

She just smiled and put an arm around me. "JT we have been friends since
second grade. Nothing can change that. As far as you being gay I'm fine
with it. At least now I know why you wouldn't make out with me. I
thought that there was something wrong with me."

"Oh Lori, there is nothing wrong with you. What's wrong is me."

"JT, there isn't anything wrong with being gay. My uncle Ted is gay and
I love him very much." She said, "Gay is just like str8 it just is. Not
better, not worse."

Cautiously I asked her, "What happened to Jimmy? I haven't seen or heard
from him since before they beat me up."

"Jimmy's parents sent him to a ex-gay center in New York. My mom works
for his dad and he said that the word of Christ would straighten him out
and make a man out of him."

I shut my eyes to try and keep the tears from coming. "Oh god, poor
Jimmy. He must be going through hell. Why can't people just accept us as
we are?"

"Jimmy's dad was born again last summer. That particular branch of the
baptist church isn't very accepting of people." Lori said. "I heard you
had an interesting time at church yesterday too."

"Oh boy." I replied.

"Is it true your whole family walked out with you?"

"That's what they told me, I didn't stick around to find out."

"I think it's wonderful how supportive your family is." She said.

"Yeah, I don't know what I would do without them. They have really been
there for me. Thank you for being here for me too."

"JT I will always be here for you."

"Have you talked to Jason?" I asked.

She didn't say anything.

"Well?" I demanded.

"Jason is having a hard time." She replied. "He's mad because you didn't
trust him and he scared because everyone knows you two were best
friends."

"He didn't come see me in the hospital and he never called or even sent
a stinking card." I said.

"Give him some time. He might come around." She replied.

Just then the bell rang.

"I'll see you tomorrow at lunch" Lori said.

"It's a date." I grinned back at her.

The afternoon went like the morning same shit different subjects. When
the final bell rang I was so glad to be released from the hell that is
called high school.

I got out to the parking lot and something didn't look right. They had
trashed my truck. The tires were slashed, the windshield had been broke,
some one had keyed both sides. They had taken pink spray paint and
painted anti-gay epithets all over it.

I had taken everything they had thrown at me all day long. All of the
insults, all of the stares, the shoves and everything else and I hadn't
lost it, but this was too much. I'd bought that old '53 Ford with my own
money from summer jobs and I had rebuilt it from the frame up. I'd even
learned to sew to make the upholstery.

I could feel the tears coming and I couldn't stop them. I reached in my
pocket and got out my phone I called Dad and told him and then I called
the cops. I just stood there crying silently.

My dad and the police arrived within seconds of each other. Dad looked
at the truck that he helped me rebuild and just put his arms around me
and held me. He took my cell phone and called his office, he owns the
John Deere dealership in town, he had two of his men bring out a
tow-truck to tow my truck back to the shop.

The police filled out a report, but said that with vandalism they rarely
find out anything.

I lost my temper and yelled at the cop, "I get beat half to death in
school and you don't arrest anyone for it, then my truck gets trashed in
broad daylight in the middle of town and you don't do anything about it
either. I know what you're thinking the boy's just a fucking queer
anything that happens is his own fault. What the fuck does my old man
pay all of those taxes for. You people don't do a damned thing." I was
shaking I was so mad.

Dad grabbed me and said, "Easy son, everything will be ok, but you have
to settle down." Then he lead me over to his car and put me inside.

The cop came over and said, "JT we're working on your case, but none of
the boys will talk. We can't press charges unless we know what happened.
I'll ask around maybe one of the people living across the street saw
something. You gotta believe me we are doing what we can."

"I know," I replied. "I just had a terrible day and this on top of
everything else. I'm... Uh I'm sorry for blowing up at you."

"Don't sweat it JT, I probably would have said a lot worse things if it
had been me." He grinned.

The guys with the tow truck showed up and towed my truck away. Dad got
in the car and took me home.

"How bad was it today?" He asked.

"Other than the teachers the only person who talked to me was Lori. Well
a lot of people said things to me, but they weren't talking to me." I
replied.

"Well it's going to take a while."

"Did you know that Jimmy's parents sent him to an ex-gay ministry?" I
asked.

"Yes, I talked with his dad just after... well after I got home from
Bismarck." Dad replied, "His parents think that by getting him someplace
like that that they will change him."

"Dad, you do understand that this is how I am don't you? I didn't choose
to be gay, but I am and there is nothing anyone can do it to change it."

He pulled into our driveway turned in his seat and looked at me, "John,
I don't understand why you are gay but, I accept you just the way you
are. You are my only son and I had dreams for you that won't ever happen
now. When you were in the hospital and we didn't know if you were going
to live was hell for me. When the doctor told me you'd be okay I was so
happy. I couldn't understand why you had been beaten up like that. Then
when you came to and told us that you had to tell us something I got
worried again. I really didn't expect to hear you say that you were gay
and had been beaten because of it. I know my initial response wasn't
that good I hope you forgive me. John never forget that you mother and I
love you and we will get through this together."

"Dad thank you I love you too." I said
trying not to start crying again.

We went into the house and Mom looked at Dad and said "Why are you home
so early?" Before Dad could reply she said to me, "Jason is down in your
room waiting for you, he's been there for about an hour."

"Thanks Mom I'll go see him," I replied.
"Dad you want to tell her."

He nodded his head at me.

I went down to my bedroom and Jason was sitting at my computer. I just
stood and looked at him for a long time. Five foot nine, dark brown
hair, big brown eyes. Jason isn't built but he's very wiry. I had always
wished that it had been him and I, but I knew he was str8.

Finally I said, "Hi Jason."

"JT, I have been waiting for you." He replied, "I wanted to tell you I'm
sorry for ignoring you the last few weeks. I didn't understand why you
didn't tell me. It hurt so much to find out that my best friend was gay
via the grapevine. I thought there weren't any secrets between us."

I sat on my bed and said, "Jason I didn't know how to tell you. I was
afraid that if you knew you wouldn't be friends with me any more. Jason
I can't afford to lose you."

"JT we have been friends since forever I don't want that to change. But
this whole gay thing I don't know I guess I'm afraid they'll think I am
too since I'm a friend of yours."

"Jason it isn't a gay thing it's just part of who I am. Who I have
always been. It doesn't have to come between us. I've tried everything I
could to change what I am, but nothing works. When I was 13 I almost
shot myself rather than live with being gay. I finally decided that it
doesn't make me a bad person, it's just one segment of who I am. I know
what you're worried about. But Jason I would never try anything on you.
You're my best friend in the world."

"JT," He asked,"I have to know are you... uh well are you attracted to
me?"

"Does it really matter?" I asked. "You're straight and I'm gay even if I
were attracted to you it doesn't mean anything, nothing would happen."

"I want to know."

"Jason you're my best friend. Yes I am attracted to you, but it doesn't
change anything. Hell I'm attracted to a lot of cute guys. That doesn't
mean I can't control myself."

"Oh boy." He replied.

"Are you okay with this?"

"JT I just don't know. I guess I would have been insulted had you said
you weren't attracted to me, but I'm not sure I like knowing that you
are."

"Jase, you can't have it both ways."

"Yeah I guess. How was school today?" He asked deftly changing the
subject.

"It could only have been worse if they had beat me up again. They
trashed the ford. I don't know a couple of thousand dollars worth of
damage. I think I'd rather have been beaten again. Lori was the only
person that talked to me all day except for the teachers. I looked all
over for you hoping I would see one smiling face."

"JT I couldn't make myself go this morning so I played sick." He
replied. "I didn't know what to say to you or how I would act. I didn't
know if I should just forget our friendship. I still don't know what I
am going to do."

"Are we... are we still friends," I shyly asked?

"JT we will always be friends. I left you for two weeks when you needed
me most and if you'll still have me I'll be there for you." he answered.
"JT I gotta ask you... about you and Jimmy..."

I inhaled deeply trying to keep my emotions in place. "Jason, Jimmy and
I are or were boyfriends. He makes me feel alive and safe."

"What do you mean "or were" ?"

"I found out today that his folks sent him to one of those weird ex-gay
centers where they think they can change a person. I don't know what
kind of hell he must be going through... I tried to call him from the
hospital, but I ended up talking to his mom instead. She was really
pissed at me. If anything happens to him I don't know what I will do.
Hell I don't know how I am going to be able to go on without him here
with me."

"JT, I am sure he'll be alright." Jason said.

"No Jase. You don't understand, Jimmy is... well he isn't strong
emotionally I mean. What places like where they sent him do... well from
what I've read it isn't nice."

"I don't know what to say JT. I am here for you, any time and anything."
I looked at him.

"Well," he said, "maybe not anything."

"Thanks Jason, that means a lot to me."

He looked at the clock and said "I have to get home. You want me to pick
you up in the morning?"

"Yeah that would be great."

"See you in the morning."

"Bye."

I did my home work and then had dinner with the rental units. Later I
went to bed and had terrible nightmares.