Date: Wed, 03 Dec 2003 12:53:03 +0000
From: Eric Shaw <volleyboy26@hotmail.com>
Subject: Beautiful Run: Chapter 10

I heard a sigh of contentment over the phone. As Eric
released the emotion that had been spreading through him for
hours, I knew things were beginning to change for the
better. He breathed out and I in, trying to recapture what I
convinced myself was lost in even less time it took to
begin. I wanted to have Eric around me and inside every cell
of my body. I wanted to be blanketed by his body, telling me
that he would protect me from anything. I wasn't sure why I
needed him so desperately, but I was certain I did. Even
after so short a time I couldn't picture myself without him.
Without his lips on mine, without my hand in his.
Before another word was spoken I found myself lying on my
bed, crying for everything I thought I lost. Crying for what
I now realized I had. Sam slipped out of my room before I
could thank her for meddling in my life. It was almost as
though she knew about the impending tears and realized how
uncomfortable I would be presenting myself to her in that
state. There was not any kind of pretense between us, but
she knew as well as I did that tears of love were still new
to me and I needed some time to get acquainted with this new
personality.
-"Con, you have no idea how scared I was." Eric admitted,
breaking the silence between us.
-"I think I may have had an idea. It's like I don't even
know who I am anymore. My brain kept telling me that I
shouldn't be hurting so much, considering we've only known
each other for a few weeks, but I couldn't stop it."
-"I really am sorry."
-"I'm the one who should be sorry. I overreacted without any
answers. I can be such a kid sometimes, and maybe what we're
feeling is just beyond me."
-"That doesn't make you a kid, just human."
-"So sure about that? I started balling my eyes out as soon
as I heard your voice."
-"Well, I'm not exactly dry-eyed myself right now."
-"Mr. Webb, don't tell me I've got you by the balls"
-"Like you never knew, Mrs. Webb"
I took a moment to let my smile widen. Partly because we
needed a joke to ease the remaining tension in the air, and
partly because I could picture the returning look of
confidence on Eric's delicious face.
-"Ok, was that weird? Me calling you that?" he asked.
-"Is it weird that I don't think so?"
-"No weirder than the fact that it seemed pretty natural.
Well, the `Webb' part at least."
-"Yeah, it did, didn't it?" I realized, speaking out loud
more than anything else.
-"So what took you so long?"
-"In what way?"
-"I left that tape with Sam a few hours ago. I've been
working myself into a frenzy since then, and I honestly
don't know what I'd be like right now if Will hadn't decided
to stop by the house. He just let me talk, and he listened."
-"Have I mentioned how much I like him?" I said.
-"He feels the same way about you. At one point I needed to
calm him down."
-"And why would that be exactly?"
-"The whole story with Grant just came spewing out, and Will
didn't like it one bit. After I got to the part about you
leaving in the middle of the night, I had to physically
restrain him so he couldn't cause Grant any bodily harm."
-"That boy does have something of a temper of, doesn't he?"
-"Not usually, but he has taken a liking to you. So what
happened to you there? Just making me squirm, I suppose? I
deserve that."
-"Don't you think that for a second."
-"I'll keep that in mind. Hold on babe, I can hear Will
honking from the driveway. I have the lucky job of helping
him pick out and build a new bookcase for his room. I'll try
to call if I'm not too busy foaming at the mouth from the
excitement."
-"Don't worry about it, Eric. Just give him a hug for me."
-"Will do. I love you, Con."
-"No more than I love you."
-"Smooth, very smooth."

***
It was one of those crisp mornings where the leaves would
stiffen during the night and thaw once the sun rose. Over
the course of the night I could feel myself thaw just the
same, and slowly come back to life. Finally seeing Eric, my
Eric, walking toward the bench where I was sitting, did the
job of filling me with the warmth he exuded. I could see his
dark eyes widen when he saw me, and his steps from that
point turned into gaping strides. Putting his bag on the
table, he leaned over and kissed me. It just felt so right,
even though it was hardly discreet. At this point it was
still early in the morning, and the few people around were
too burdened by the idea of a fresh week of school to notice
our affection.
-"I really should think sometimes before I do that." Eric
said.
-"I could get to like that. Not having to think about where
we are or who's around us."
Eric simply nodded at the thought of not having to hide.
-"It's nice to have things back to normal. Yesterday was
just.bizarre." I said.
-"Why, did anything else happen other than
our.unpleasantness?"
-"Yeah, I was with Andrew, and..."
-"Wait, Andrew York?"
-"Yeah, but."
-"As in the `Andrew York' that tried to.touch you?"
-"Yeah, but."
-"but what?"
-"I just went over to his house."
-"How could you? At the first sign of any problem you run to
Andrew with open arms?"
-"That's not it!"
At this point my mind was reeling, and I couldn't seem to
find the right words to calm him. Eric stood there, the
thoughts of what could have conspired between Andrew and I
was playing out as looks of hurt on his face. When you break
someone's heart, it actually shatters the entire body. Eric
was breaking, and I couldn't do much more than breathe,
shallow breaths really, as the sight of him left me
paralyzed with guilt.





"Well I should have known I could never have you. It's my
fault really. Just stick with Andrew. I hope for his sake
you can follow through on your commitment." With that he was
gone, and I was left standing there in what seemed to be the
coldest morning in memory.

***
I couldn't really tell you how long I stood there with a
desperate look on my face.
It was hard to believe that the two of us, or what was left,
were jumping another hurdle right after regaining our
footing from the last one. At this point I wasn't ready to
admit defeat, and have Eric return to the shadows of
loneliness he loathed.
I began to hustle toward the now crowded doors and soon was
standing in the hallway where he was rummaging through his
locker in a rage. I came up behind him, and placed my hand
on his tense shoulder.
-"Go away!" Eric screamed.
-"No!"
-"Haven't you done enough, Connor?"
-"I'm telling you right now that nothing happened. If you
feel about me the way I feel about you, then you'll trust in
me."
-"I just don't know what to believe anymore. Loving you
has.I don't know."
-"So you still love me then?" I said, in an attempt to be
more assertive.
-"It isn't something you can turn on and off, Con."
-"We just talked. That's it. Believe me, I tried my best to
try and forget about you, but I couldn't."
Eric turned around after that, giving me a look in his eyes
that I couldn't read. A look like this was all too new to
me, especially considering his eyes were nothing if not
expressive.
-"And why was that?" He asked.
-"When I thought I lost you, I just didn't know anymore. It
was so easy for you to forget about me, so I thought I could
do the same. Andrew only made me realize how much I love
you, even if I thought Grant could make you happier than I
ever could."
-"Well you know Grant and I have something of a past
together, but even knowing nothing about you I still fell in
love with you. Con, you are so much more than Grant."
-"So where does this leave us?" I asked, even though the
answer may not have been one I wanted to hear. Eric raised
my now lowered head with his fingers, and wiped away my
tears with his free hand. I hadn't realized that I was
crying, considering the emotional mini-drama that was my
morning.
-"Together." He said. We smiled at one another in relief, my
tears washing away every bit of resentment between us.
-"So do all your boyfriends spend their days crying? It
seems to be a common thing." I asked.
-"Nah, just you Mrs. Webb." I feigned annoyance, but it
faded in no time at all. "In all honesty though, I hope you
realize that you make me nuts. I say and do things that even
surprise me."
-"Like what?" I asked.
-"Con, we're only known each other for a few weeks and I
have no problem telling you `I love you!' Doesn't that seem
rushed at all?"
-"Not when it feels like I've been waiting my entire life
for you."
The energy that Sam radiated through the halls when she
closed in on us, seemed to break us out of our of our
moment. Only then had we realized that Eric was practically
holding me in the middle of Mayfield High.
-"Silly queens, get a room." She whispered at close range
and kept walking.