Date: Sun, 4 Mar 2001 17:06:30 -0500
From: Dave <dabeagle@nycap.rr.com>
Subject: Begin Anew 11

	It took a few days but I finally returned to school with my arm in
a sling. I found I was suddenly known to everyone and got a lot of odd
stares in the hallways. One odd thing about my school is that you have to
go outside to change classes, you know like you have a science building, an
English building and so forth. Mostly people stared a bit, but didn't say
much. Then there were those vocal few that didn't like me outright, and
suddenly I had enemies in people that knew nothing about me ten days ago,
and now the only info they had was that I was dating Casey.
	Local news broke that for the politically connected Fremont's and I
guess what Mr. Fremont likes more than anything is a good fight and he had
plenty of energy to go after his newfound critics who plainly stated that
he was no ally of theirs due to the immoral upbringing of his children. His
pastor asked the family to leave the last time they attended church and it
had been hard on the whole family. To the Fremont's credit they seemed to
realize that Case and Harry would never want any of this for their parents,
and it seemed to serve to bring them closer as a family, forcing them to
close ranks and be a house united.
	Of the vocal few at school I got some nasty comments and vague
threats which I took seriously, after all if I was caught alone I'd be in
trouble. My mother called in a great show of panic, and I rebuffed
her. Nothing had changed there. All in all it seemed as though most people
didn't really care where I was interested in putting what. But there is
always those few.
	Chris's dad had been pretty seriously injured in my opinion, but
I'm no doctor. Seems as though the bullets that hit him did a lot of damage
and he would be in the hospital for a few months.
	The bad stuff started about two weeks later when a note was dropped
in my locker threatening to cause me serious bodily harm. A few days later
someone was convinced I was staring at him and it freaked him
out. Gradually it seemed as though our little group was ostracized from the
other members of the school as pressure increased in the local pulpit and
general redneck attitudes began to assert themselves.
	The Right Reverend Robert Laurie met with local officials about
this new threat in their schools, something which they had previously
considered a big city issue. They talked about ways to protect their youth
and met with stiff resistance from the mayor. Suddenly it was like we were
illegal drugs. Things quickly cam to a head and the school system felt it
might be safer if I stayed at home, as well as Case. I was crestfallen. It
had seemed as if the worst had been past when Case had come out and I had
been brought with him, but it was the adults who were spurring the issue
on, or it was more like they were making up an issue.
	We spent a lot of time at Casey's house while this was going on and
it seems as though the whole ordeal brought us that much closer in certain
ways, but it was also starting to tear us apart in ways we had never
imagined.  The pressure was enormous, and it was starting to
show. Sometimes I could almost hear Case thinking that if he'd never met me
things would be different, and maybe he was right. But I couldn't change
that now and I'm not sure I would if I could. Our little group began to
show some interesting changes as well.
	I was in love with Casey, I know that and so do you, right? And if
you're in love no one else could turn you on, right? Or am I wrong? I hope
I'm wrong, cause I just realized how hot Grant is. I don't know, maybe it
was the stress but my relationship with Case seemed to be at a standstill
and that wasn't my fault. But I knew I still loved him, it doesn't just go
away. But I started thinking about Grant at odd times and I felt so damn
guilty for it. I never touched him, but I found I couldn't trust myself
alone at his house either. I was so weak; it made me sick sometimes. I
shouldn't feel so attracted to anyone else should I? This is why married
people cheat, isn't it? Cause they see someone that sends them?
	I felt a lot of trouble in my heart, and I know part of it was
because something in my head told me I really wasn't good enough for Casey,
and that he probably did wish we had never met.
	It was then that Grant, the normally quiet and reserved one of our
group, stepped to the front. You know, in retrospect he had been undergoing
a metamorphosis for the last month or so. He was stronger, more confident
and smiled all the time, such a change from his days in the home. And in
the end, it was Grant that saved us all.
	There was to be a town meeting, all folks would be there and the
local cable access channel would broadcast the town meeting. It was turning
into national news, which was frightening. We couldn't even step out the
door without people asking questions and trying to pick us apart
mentally. Religious nuts showed up from something called god hates
fags.com, and waved banners saying that God would judge us, and that we
would all burn in hell. It was very intimidating to say the least. I was at
Casey's house the morning of the Saturday town meeting. We all were,
standing as one. I was sitting on the couch nestled with Case; Sheila sat
similarly nestled with Kyle. Cris and Grant were side by side on the couch,
and Chris sat in the leather wing chair in the study. We were somber and
not at all inclined to talk.
	Mr. Pritchard had already pledged his support to us; he would stand
for what he believed in no matter the cost. Case and I took a walk to try
and calm down, and we ended up sitting on a red rock formation about a
half-mile from his house. I decided that we should talk, before the stress
broke us completely.
	"Case?" I said quietly.
	"Yeah?"
	"I need to talk to you about...all this."
	"Ok." He said in a reserved kind of voice.
	"Case I, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I Hope that you
know I never wanted to cause you any harm and..." I hesitated, and then
grabbed courage enough to finish, "I feel kinda like you wish you had never
met me." I finished my voice no more than a whisper.

"Justin," He began slowly, "It has been a lot for me to go through, yeah. I
guess I haven't been very supportive of you with me wrapped up in myself
over this, and I'm sorry. I brought this trouble down on us cause I outed
us, and I feel bad y'know? If I had just beaten Jimmy's ass for being an
idiot it would all still be ok, but now it's all fucked up." His voice
dropped, "And I can see how you've been watching Grant a lot lately. I was
thinking maybe you didn't want me anymore."
	My cheeks flushed, I had been caught looking just a little to long,
or laughing a little too much. I knew I needed to look in my heart so that
I could be honest and maybe get myself where I needed to be, mentally.
	"Case, I love you. Understanding my heart sometimes, well, it's
easier to throw a rope around a fool."
	"Huh? I mean, I am really relieved that you still love me, but what
are you talking about?" Casey questioned.
	"See, someone who is smart will make some fairly predictable
choices, it's like it gives you an advantage to know that they'll turn
right or something. But a fool is unpredictable, so trying to figure out
what a fool would do might not be as easy."
	"Ok, I get it. It's like you have to time throwing a rope, so you
have to know what your throwing it at so you can time it right, right?"
	"Exactly."
	"And this has what do you with your heart and Grant?" He asked, a
slight edge on his voice.
	"Well, I won't say I don't think he's cute." I said slowly.
	"No shit, Sherlock!" Casey snorted.
	I was shocked. My boyfriend thought another guy was cute while
being in love with me? I wonder just how cute he thought Grant was?
	"Um, do you ever...you know, think about Grant? Um, sexually?"
	Casey blushed deeply. "Well, not voluntarily, but yeah. He's really
cute, nice smile. Next to you maybe the hottest kid in school. But what
does that have to do with it?"
	I turned this piece of information over in my head.
	"Well, I was thinking maybe I was...not right for you cause even
though I know I am in love with you, Grant turns me on. I never did
anything about it, but in my head I feel like I'm cheating for even looking
at him. So I feel like shit about it, and I wonder if I'm being fair to
you." I said quietly.
	"I am so relieved!" Casey said with a sunny smile as he threw his
arms around me.
	"What? Why? " I asked seriously.
	"Dude, we're dating, not dead! Even if we were married, we're still
not dead! It's natural for you to look at someone else, even lust after
'em. Hell, we should share that kind of stuff, compare notes you know? I
just wanted to know if it was me you were in love with or if you were
falling for him." Case exclaimed.
	"In love with him? I barely know him, and even if I was I'd never
do anything! I am in love, and it's with you dumbass!" I said indignantly.
	"Best news I had all day." Casey said with that killer smile. I put
on a show of pouting and he encircled me in his arms and held me close.
	"In case you were wondering, I love you too, and I was just scared
I was losing you."
	I felt renewed and I held him and he me, and for that still moment
the world was right.
	The meeting was going to be a fight, and the lines were drawn
early. The Right Reverend tried to stand and lead the meeting with a
prayer, but the mayor firmly cited that this was a government affair and
the separation of church and state would take precedence in this case,
especially because many religious issues were brought to bear on this
particular matter. The reverend was not pleased and made mention that the
mayor was biased. The mayor pointed out that the reverend too, was biased,
and they continued to eye each other through out the meeting.
	The reverend and an assemblyman spoke to the assembled townsfolk
about the dangerous nature of the gay movement and the threat it imposed on
our children, and they continued on this vein until one of the city board
members pointed out that they made their position clear. They began to
debate our fate, how schooling would be paid for if we were removed from
school and so forth. It was over just like that! We hadn't even gotten to
speak! All of that changed in a big damn hurry though, and this I will
never forget.
	Mr. Fremont stood and was recognized. He approached the podium and
addressed the crowd.
	"Gentlemen, and ladies of the board and the town. Many years ago
there was a small put upon group of people that were not allowed the
freedom of choice, and so they fled their homes for fear of
persecution. They paid dearly to find somewhere that people could live with
out fear of being arrested in the middle of the night for their
differences, where they might be free. They founded the United States of
America. Try to remember that it wasn't always enough for you to believe in
God, as the Reverend will tell you that gays do not. But it only mattered
which faction you believed in. This country said you can believe any way
you wish."
	"Later there were another people that were enslaved due to the
color of their skin. Now, I know that they weren't enslaved because they
were black, but it became the only way to be a slave was to be black. And
so they were treated poorly, even after their emancipation from slavery,
simply for their skin color."
	" There is a theory that all facts must be considered before
reaching a conclusion about any issue. One finds out a great deal through
listening. It is why I have served six consecutive terms as a member of the
state house of representatives for you, my constituents and neighbors. I
have always listened to you about the issues that concern you, and I have
always told you what happens in our chambers and what was fought for and
why, you all know this. I have learned a great deal about being a man from
my children recently. I am going to ask you now to listen to your children,
and to hear what they say to you."
	He stood aside as we watched Grant stride hesitantly to the front
of the room and the podium. That was a surprise, but even bigger was that
he was accompanied by Chris, Ashley Peters from the football squad, Sheila
and Kyle, and Cris.
	Grant looked out at the crowd and suddenly wavered under their
curious gaze and the glare of the TV cameras. Newspaper reporters flashed
pictures and micro cassette recorders hummed as the crowd hung on the words
of a sixteen-year-old boy.
	"Ah, hello. My name is Grant Killian. I am here for my friends,
Casey and Justin. I don't think any of you know my friends, and that's too
bad for you. I know they are gay because they told me. But would you really
know if they hadn't? And did it matter before you knew?" Grant took a drink
of water before continuing.
	"I have here a real cross section of the community's youth. Cris
Teague the captain of the varsity basketball team, Ashley Peters the
co-captain of the football team and leading tackle in school history. Chris
Taylor, who also played football for our school this year. Kyle Pritchard,
Mayor Pritchard's son. Sheila Connolly, the only female in our group, and
myself Grant Killian. We would like to show you just how normal and like
you that we are."
	"Ashley's wearing a UNLV basketball jersey, picked cause he has no
sense of having a real team. Cris is wearing a tight fitting Quicksilver
tee shirt, probably cause his mom buys his shirts one size too small."
Grant was enjoying himself now as he traded a few jibes at his cohorts.
	"Sheila has a blouse, and I know better than to criticize her style
of dress so, moving right along to Kyle. He's got a button up shirt left
open with a tee under, very prep if you ask me. Chris has his Navy
pullover, and of course there is me, with my turtleneck sweater from J
Crew."
	In unison they all removed their shirts. Sheila was down to an
undershirt with straps, Kyle and Chris were bare chested, Cris wore a plain
tee style undershirt and both Grant and Ashley had the 'wife beater' style
undershirt.
	"As you can see," Grant began, "We have made a few different
decisions under our clothes in what we choose to wear, mostly for comfort I
think. But those are choices."
	Grant began to remove his shoes and the others followed suit.
	"We all have different shoes for different needs, Ashley with the
high top for ankle support, Sheila with the low pump, Chris with the
sneaker that lets his feet breath so they don't smell so bad that the rest
of us can't breath when he takes those things off." This drew a chuckle
from the crowd; "Kyle has the shell top Adidas cause no one ever told him
they went out of style. Cris has the Air Nikes cause he really thinks they
make him jump higher and run faster." This again drew a chuckle from the
semi friendly crowd, although some were obviously beginning to wonder where
this was all heading. "Nothing more than a choice really. And socks are
different from person to person too, you'll notice." Grant commented.
	The reverend began to stir as pants were unbuttoned before him, but
he was silenced quickly and threatened with removal.
	The six on stage were now down to their skivvies, and Grant
continued. "Well, I guess this answers the burning question of boxers or
briefs, eh?"
	"We wear different things, and when we go home we love different
people. When you look at us, can you tell who's gay and who isn't?"
	"You can't tell a murderer by looking!" Bellowed the Reverend in
his best hellfire, brimstone and damnation voice.

	"That's true," Grant stared him down, "And you also can't tell the
next US President, the next artist, the next street bum, crack addict or
priest. But those are all choices we make, being gay isn't. And it just
goes to prove that underneath it all, we're not so different you and I,
myself and Kyle. Or any of us from any of you. In case your wondering, I'm
the gay person up here now, but did you even have a clue?"
	The room was quiet, and I mean dead quiet. I had to say I was
impressed. Grant had pulled off a major coup and had brought those people a
dose of reality. And he had come out!
	"Um, before you all go away I'd just like to say, I don't know if
I'm gay or not but...I'm dating Grant if that helps you out any." Cris said
in a firm voice and glanced at Grant and smiled warmly.
	As the articles of clothing were replaced another man stood wearing
the collar of a clergyman and made his way to the podium. He stood straight
with white hair combed neatly over his small head and focused his somber
gray eyes on the assembled people. I groaned inwardly before he spoke and
quietly prayed that god would protect me from his followers.
	"I," He began, "am Minister Holohan. I would like to remind all of
us of something we seem to have forgotten as a people. The bible clearly
states, and I quote, 'Judge ye not, lest ye be judged' and we all seem to
think we know what God wants. God is the only judge, and we have no
business passing judgement on these people. We condemn the homosexual for
his lifestyle, because we believe him to be godless and unbelieving. But
when he seeks the comfort of the church, the faith of the church we turn
him away. I wish I could be as sure as the Reverend exactly how God feels
about homosexuality, because the bible is nothing more than man's
interpretation of God's will. No where in the bible will it tell you to
pass judgement on another man. Nowhere will it tell you to punish the
homosexual, or the Negro, or the oriental, or the Caucasian for that
matter.
	The bible does teach love and compassion for your fellow man. So if
you truly feel you must have a position in this issue, and you feel it must
be a religious stance, then love your brother."

	The next few weeks remained busy in the aftermath of a 5-3 vote
that left us in school, but things slowly returned to normal. Ashley and
his girlfriend Geena began to spend more time with our group, and slowly we
fit back into the fabric of the school. Geena was a real trip, and she was
always and forever calling wanting to go to the mall and 'shop for guys' as
she calls it. Ashley turned out to be a hell of a nice guy, and it seems
that he and Chris were good for one another as it gave him someone macho to
hang out with. And so once again our group was reformed to include more
folks.
	The national attention went away in a heartbeat, and I think the
townspeople were glad of it too. The Right Reverend was given a quiet trip
out of town and asked not to return. Probably not because everyone was
suddenly happy to have gay kids in their school, but because he had a
tendency to stir things up. I found there were a few places it was less
preferable to go in town, like the diner on the main drag. The waitress was
a devout Christian and has no desire to wait on us and it showed. I think
sometimes Ashley and Chris wanted us to go just to mess with her, but most
of the time we went to the little coffee and donut place on Maine.
	Harry seemed to be getting his energy back just fine, and he and
Blair seemed to be settling in just fine. I spent time at Case's and he at
my house, my dad just being very firm about us being careful about any sex
we chose to have. I think that as long as I live I will still blush when I
think about dad telling us to wrap the meat before we put it away
anywhere. Gawd, could he be a bit more graphic?
	The Friday after all this had finally blown over and we were just
another group of kids at school I went to Casey's for the weekend under the
guise of the need to brush up on my English, Case's best subject. Dad used
the lame line about me straightening out my Longfellow while being
there. Does everyone think we just fuck like rabbits all the time?
	Anyway, Case and I rode up together and I was talking a mile a
minute cause we were actually together in a no stress environment, no TV
bullshit, no school worries, and no frigging homework! Well, nothing I
couldn't do in homeroom on Monday morning anyway.
	The little car wound it's way to the Fremont house and we walked
directly to the kitchen, and no sooner had Case opened the fridge than his
mom's voice drifted out of the den.
	"Casey Mitchell, leave the garbage bread alone and have some fruit
for a snack, and not much cause we're going out to dinner. Hi Justin."
	How did she do that? We didn't even pass in front of the Den! And
how did she know I was here? I headed to the den and looked in on her
sitting in a straight back chair reading a thick novel. At least it was a
novel till I got closer, and found that there was a magazine tucked in
there.
	"Hi, Mrs. Fremont. How did you know I was here?" I asked.
	"Casey's home, right?" She asked looking up from her reading and
giving me a gentle smile. "If Casey's home, then you are too. If he's not
then chances are he's at your house."
	"Are we that bad?" I asked with a large grin on my face.
	"Worse!" She said breaking into a bright smile, "It's really cute
though, you two are a good couple. And I like the people you guys are when
you're together. I get to see my son smile a whole lot more these days."
	I blushed and decided to turn the tables a bit, you know just to
get the heat off of me.
	"Whatcha readin' Mrs. F?" I asked, grinning as innocently as I
could under the circumstances.
	"Dostoyevsky." She replied dryly.
	"Really? I asked, "I didn't realize he had his own magazine."
	She looked at me, and then seemed to make a decision. She lifted
the magazine and I saw the cover. XY?
	"It's a magazine for gay youth." She explained, "I got a
subscription so that I could better try and understand my son, and who ever
is special to him. It's important that I know what is important to young
gay people. Cute boys in here too." She said showing me a picture of two
guys in a bathroom stall, one sucking the others neck. I felt a stirring,
if ya know what I mean. And I think you do!
	"Put your eyes back in your head, you guys can have it when I'm
done." She said in that same dry voice. I smiled sheepishly and headed back
to Case. I found him in his room sitting on his bed. You ever get one of
those urges to just touch someone? Not just that though, ever want to see
just how much you can turn someone on? I grinned and headed over to Case
who was flipping through his notebook, cross-legged on the bed in a hunched
position.
	I sat behind him after kicking my shoes off and wrapped my arms
around him from behind. He grunted and held my hands with one of his. I
leaned forward and began to nibble on his right earlobe, sucking it in and
then nibbling my way up his ear, and then returning to the lobe. He began
to wiggle a bit, and his head turned into my ministrations. I moved a bit
lower and began to trace his neck and then moved my hands further up his
chest and began making slow circles on his chest, teasing the nipples under
the cloth. He let out a sigh and a small whimper. I moved my hands under
his shirt and traced his sides reveling in the smooth skin, slowly making
my way back to his nipples and teasing them with a feather touch. I
continued my efforts on his neck, moving slightly so as not to mark him,
I'm sure his mother'd kill me for that, and I slowly moved up to his ear
and whispered, "You know what I want now?" I asked in a husky voice.
	"What?" He breathed.
	"A coke." I said as I stood and headed for the door.
	"Asshole!" He said jumping off the bed and tackling me before I
could make the door, and just like that we were off in a wrestling match
that was no holds barred! Tickling became the weapon of choice and soon we
were gibbering messes, giggling each time one faked going for the other
with a crooked finger. Finally we called a truce since both of our sides
were aching and we settled into a nestled position on the floor.
	"We've been though a lot, Just." Casey said suddenly.
	I grunted in agreement. "And?" I asked.  "Well, it's funny. I like
to read, you know? And I found stuff on the Internet, stories about gay
people. I know this is going to sound stupid, but a lot of those stories
concentrate on people jumping into bed, and don't get me wrong I like
everything we do, but if I'm really honest my favorite times are when we
are just together." He finished.
	I am not sure if I can describe the feeling I was having, but I'll
try. My chest was warm and it felt light like it was filled with helium. I
squeezed him closer to me.
	"I hope that makes sense, Justin. I was first drawn to you cause I
think your so hot, but it was who you really are that I love."
	"Sometimes, Casey, I love you so much I really think that it must
be a kind of fate that things happen the way they do, that I found you."
	I lay my head on his back and tried to make contact with as much of
myself as I could with him. I needed to change the subject; it was just too
heavy even if I did feel exactly the same way he did.
	"Case, you'll never guess what I caught your mom readin'" I said.
	"He caught your mother reading XY, and she's giving it to you
now. You and big mouth, anyway." Mrs. Fremont said stepping through the
door. I wonder how long she'd been there.
	"You guys can read it later, lets go to the restaurant, we're
meeting your father there." She said to Casey, and then she pointed at me
with a wicked grin, "And you better take it easy on his neck or I'll wring
yours!" I blushed so hard I thought my cheeks would explode, and
Mrs. Fremont turned away and I swear it looked like it was because she was
going to burst out laughing. In fact I swear to this day I heard little
sniggers and chortles as she went down the hallway.
	We piled into Mrs. Fremont's VW Van, Harry and Blair in the
backseat and Casey and I in the middle. We chatted on about just about
everything and arrived at The Nugget in about forty-five minutes. We
checked into the restaurant and found Mr. Fremont waiting for us. He had
wine set about the table and had taken the liberty of ordering for everyone
so that the food would be there soon. As soon as we all were seated around
the table Mr. Fremont tapped the side of his glass with his spoon and asked
for our attention.
	"You know as we go through life we make our share of mistakes. God
knows I have made more than I care to remember. I can remember told as a
child that if you learn from the mistake, then that it wasn't a loss. In
the past few weeks I have learned quite a bit from my children. I have
learned just how ashamed I can feel of myself. I have learned how to strive
to be a better father, and by that to that end, be a better man. There has
never been a man more proud of his children than I am today. I hope that
one day my children will forgive me for my assumptions about them, and I
hope those people that they hold dear can be a part of my life as well."
His voice cracked towards the end. He raised his glass, "And so I make this
toast." We all raised our glasses, a little wide eyed and more than a bit
misty, and listened.
	"To you, my children, and to you whom they love. May we always be
family above all else."
	Glasses clinked, tears fell and hugs were in order. That was class.
	And do you think Case could just let it be? Noooo, not him.
	"I have a toast too." He said, mischievous smile directed at me.
	We lifted our glasses and waited.
	"Here's a drink to you and me, I hope we never disagree." He
paused, "But if we do, piss on you, here's to me!"
	Everyone laughed except his mom.
	"Casey Mitchell Fremont! I should wash your mouth out with soap for
talking that way at the table!" She exclaimed.  "Now dear," Her husband
chided, "It was probably just his way of adding a little levity to the
situation." He started to giggle, "Besides if I know Casey you'd wash his
mouth out and he'd blow bubbles out of his ass just to spite you!" And we
were all off in a laughing fit again, tears were streaming down my face and
Mrs. Fremont really tried not to laugh but the realization of how true it
was must've hit her because she started laughing too.

	Casey's house is really big, in case I hadn't mentioned it
before. It's so big that it's the only house I had ever been in that had a
rumpus room in it. So there we were, Case, Harry, Blair and I on the floor
playing video games and generally antagonizing each other. We started to
slowly get around to the subject of how we all had gotten together and then
it was on to discussing other guys. Specifically, who we thought was cute.
	"Geez, have you guys noticed how frigging hot Grant is?" Harry
asked.
	I looked at Casey and he at me.
	"Um, no not really." I said, and I really tried to keep a straight
face, but it just wouldn't happen. We talked for about twenty minutes about
Grant, and I'll tell you one thing, truth is stranger than fiction cause
just as we were getting over a laughing jag Cris and Grant showed up. We
all turned as they came in to the room, giggling like loons.
	"What's so funny?" Grant asked with a cute, I mean nice; I mean,
uh, hell with it! A damn cute smile on his face.
	We burst out laughing. I don't think we'll ever tell him!

Ok, there it is. A little faster this time, eh? Comments to
dabeagle@nycap.rr.com and hey, if you haven't done so, go read "What We
Are" in the HS section. Later guys! Dabeagle