Date: Sat, 16 Sep 2000 14:23:59 -0700
From: Dabeagle <dabeagle@nycap.rr.com>
Subject: Begin Anew 8-A (high school)

My apologies for the long wait, as usual life is moving faster than I am. I
hope you enjoy this latest offering as much as I enjoyed bringing it to
you.

"I put my hand upon the lever, said let it rock and let it roll"- Dire Straits


Feel Like A Bullet
Begin Anew Chapter Eight


	If I need to tell you I ran all the way home, you obviously haven't
been paying attention! I fairly flew through backyards and over fences,
ducking clothes lines and hurdling shrubbery. I did however have the
presence of mind to avoid the yard with the Doberman Pinscher, although I
admittedly stepped in a smaller species', ah, well you know. I mounted the
steps to the porch and bounded through the door, racing down the hall to
Chris's room to find him sprawled on his bed listening to his headphones. I
paused quickly to gather myself.
	"Chris! What were you doing in that car?" I stated loudly. Guess I
should have gathered a little longer, huh?
	"Huh?" Chris grunted as he casually removed his head
phones. "What'd you say? And what's that smell?"
	"I saw you leaving school," I said attempting to be casual as I
ignored the question, "And it looked like you had an attractive driver. Who
was it?"
	"Oh, him? That was Casey."
	"Oh? And how did it happen that you were with him?" I asked very
unsuavely. More like hungrily.
	"Well," He began, the picture of sweet innocence, "He asked me to
ride with him in order to talk. Then he put his hand on my knee, and
then.... Well, we talked for a long time."
	I stood with my mouth open and, I am sure, a red pallor spreading
across my incredulous face. Chris broke down and laughed so hard that tears
actually appeared on his cheeks. Suddenly I was unbelievably angry. I
stormed from the room and went directly to mine where I locked the door and
flipped the radio on. This was so unfair! If I were "normal" my feelings
would be just fine, but since I have to hide my feelings, it's ok to make
fun of the fact I'm alone?
	Tears rolled slowly down my face. The whole day had just reached an
exhaustive crescendo, and I suddenly felt tired. My mind turned this latest
exchange over, and I slowly began to realize that Chris was teasing me as
if I WERE chasing some skirt. As a matter of fact, he was being
completely...Chris about it. I actually debated staying angry at him, after
all he knew what it was to be held by someone he had feelings for. Again, I
realized that that's what friends do to each other, or more so siblings.
	The button popped out on my door handle and Chris entered warily,
as if some breakable object might be propelled at him at a moments
notice. He was grinning, the bastard!
	"Just, I just wanted to tell you...He's a great kisser!" And once
again he laughed.  And he never saw the water bottle I keep on the bedside
table until it was too late. And, wonder of wonders, the top was loose! He
stood for a moment staring at me, and then we both howled with laughter.
	Chris sat on the corner of my bed and we slowly regained our
composure, with a few chortles here and there as we settled in.
	"So why did you ride with him?" I asked finally.
	"Cause he offered. Plus he wanted to ask a few questions about
you." He said coyly.
	"He did?" I sat up, attempting to sound casual, "Like what?"
	"General stuff, like what you enjoy and stuff. I don't know what
you think, but I am sure he has the hots for you."
	I was enjoying this conversation. What?
	"Why do you say that?" I asked, desperately trying to keep my
curiosity at bay since he could have a great deal of fun with this if he
scented how much I was into this little talk.
	He eyed me and I could feel bullets of sweat standing out on my
forehead, but he for once had pity on me and simply shared his thoughts.
	"All of his questions were about you, your likes, how long we've
known each other...it was like he was fishing for information, same thing
other people do when they want to know more about someone, I guess." He
paused, " But there was an edge to his questions, a nervousness like you
have when you want information about someone for yourself. Not like when
you go ask for someone else, you know? He just seemed like the information
was for more than casual conversation, that's all."
	I could barely contain my enthusiasm. Maybe there really was a
chance that something could come from this weekend, huh? One can only hope!

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

	Jake Palmer left the judge's chambers with his nephew, Mayor
Pritchard. As they walked they discussed the growing family of friends that
Kyle was acquiring, and specifically the ones that were, well, gay.
	"You know I really thought that when I stood by Julius all those
years ago that he would be the only gay man I would ever help, if nothing
else because of the likelihood of running into one that I would care about
so much as to be able to read him. And now? Well, the times have changed,
have they not?" Jake mused.
	"I agree, after I picked up on that first boy I thought he would
probably be the only one in Kyle's little group, but now there are at least
three. He's a tough kid too, I saw him stand up for Kyle down at the
rec. hall one time last summer. Someone was giving him a hard time about
his seizures and that boy let loose!" Trey Pritchard enthused.
	"Well you can imagine my surprise when he suggested the
adoption. Initially I rejected it out of hand, what business have I with a
teenage boy in the house? And with Julius as well, not that he would try
anything, but I guess the boys must feel comfortable around each other in
order for him to make the request. Wouldn't you think?" Jake questioned
	"You know, from what you've told me I get the feeling he hasn't
told anyone. He never mentioned if the guys knew, or if Kyle knew. If you
want to know what I think...I think he got some courage from the whole deal
with Justin and Kyle. And now he can't stand to see his love in trouble
like that. That's my theory."
	Jake mused over this in silence as they parted company in front of
the mayor's office. He turned suddenly and called to Trey, "Would you call
Kyle and ask him to phone the boys so we can make an announcement at dinner
tonight? Tell them to be at my place about seven thirty."
	"Sure thing, I'll grab the wife and drag her along too."
	Jake walked to his car and sat down heavily in the seat. Well the
die was cast, soon a teenager would be living in his house. The furniture
had been bought, clothes would have to come before the boys departed in the
morning for the camp, and then there was the issue of his new charges'
champion.
	The conversation was one he would not soon forget, and the most
heartfelt in eons, it seemed. That boy was willing to risk anything to have
his love away from the life he now lived, and Jake was the key. The more he
thought about the conversation, about the boy himself, he felt as though
Trey were correct in his analysis. That too would have to be dealt with at
some point he was sure, until then they would get to know their new family
member. Well, at least Jake would, Julius was already quite familiar with
him. And the more he thought on it, the more the decision felt right and
true to him.
	It had been just a few days before that this fellow had come to his
door. From his vantage point he had realized that this lad was
nervous. Call it finely tuned instinct, but when you walk up to someone's
front door and visibly fight to see whether or not you'll ring the bell
when the occupant is sitting on an easy chair on his front porch? Well,
Jake had taken pity on him.
	"May I help you, young fellow?" Jake intoned.
	The boy jumped and faced Jake red faced and somehow ashen all at
once.
	"Mr., ah, Mr. Palmer. I need to, um, I need to talk to
you. Please. In private."
	Admittedly Jake was puzzled, after all he barely knew this boy and
here he was obviously wanting, no, needing to share something with him. He
stood and opened the door and walked to the entrance of the sitting room
and motioned for his guest to sit. He then went to the kitchen, placed two
cups on the counter and poured hot water from the coffee pot. This was a
habit that drove Julius up the wall, since Julius was a coffee fanatic and
Jake preferred tea. Thus two coffee pots, one for Julius and his black mud,
and one for Jake and his teas.
	He placed two cups on a tray and inserted the tea bags, and lastly
placed a spoon and sugar cup on the tray before returning to the sitting
room. His guest was fidgeting and no doubt had thoughts of leaving, but if
it was worth telling, then it was worth a cup of tea. Maybe two.
	He placed the tray between them and beckoned the lad to have a cup,
which he did. He seemed to calm a bit with something in his hands to still
them. As his guest met his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, Julius
strident voice could be heard as he descended the stairs singing Opera,
'Carmen' Jake thought.
	"Oh! A visitor, and you gave him tea?" Julius snorted, "Would you
like a cup of coffee?"
	"Um, no. I'm good, thanks."
	"Ugh, another one. Where is Kyle? He'll have a cup of coffee with
me."
	"He's not, um, with me."
	"Oh," Julius hesitated suddenly feeling the tension in the room, he
looked at Jake who was quietly and endlessly stirring his tea. "Am I
intruding?" He asked quietly.
	"Um, no. Actually I kind of need to talk to you both."
	Julius raised a brow and took a seat next to Jake.
	The boy set his cup down and then brushed the hair from his face
before meeting their gazes.
	"I'm in love. I guess I have been for a long time." He hesitated, "
I did all I could do, I thought. But I never dared to do too much because
you never know what people will say or do."
	The two men sat motionless each wondering what this had to do with
them, indeed, why this boy was telling them.
	"I am here today because...I need your help.  I'm gay. And my...my
love is in a really bad spot. I know that Mr. Farrell can vouch for that,
cause he knows him. And I really hope you'll help me to help him."
	Jake sat in minor shock. What could possibly be asked of him?
	"I would like for you to consider adopting Grant Killian. He's
losing himself in that place, and I am sure Mr. Farrell can make some sense
of that to you, Mr. Palmer." The boy hesitated, then barreled on, "I know
this is a lot to ask, but, Mr. Farrell, surely you know what a good person
he is, and they are killing that there. And...and I love him, and it kills
me to see him hurting." He had finished quietly.
	Of course this young man was someone from the Boys Home, and Julius
did the cooking there as something to get him out of Jake's hair for a few
hours a day. The issue was debated for several hours, and many tears were
shed, but in the end both Julius and Jake had agreed to discuss the matter
with Trey Pritchard and attempt the adoption.
	And now those dreams had born fruit, but would it be edible?

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

	Casey pulled away from Justin's house only because the car behind
him had a horn loud enough to break through his shock. Did Chris just say
Justin said I sang well? That means he heard me, and he saw me! Casey's
pulse was running at a fever pitch as he sped home and pondered this latest
bit of information. If Justin both heard and saw him, and he was coming up
this weekend, well, that was good right? But wait a sec, if Chris brought
it up, then he also knew. And he seemed fine with that as well! Casey
pulled onto the family estate he shared with his parents and older brother,
chewing this development over in his mind.  He was mildly surprised to see
Harry's BMW in the driveway, he rarely came home so early, usually electing
to spend time in Reno after school.
	He glided in next to the black on black Teutonic auto and killed
the engine. He grabbed his backpack from the back seat and headed for the
house. Harry met him at the door with a grin on his face, which was also
unusual. They had been quite close up until the last two years or so, and
now they rarely spoke. It seemed as though they had grown apart, and that
had hurt most because he didn't understand why.
	"Case, glad to see ya! Hungry? What say we go grab a burger or
something?" Harry asked excitedly.
	"Um, sure." Casey replied, wondering just what the hell was going
on here anyway. He hadn't had to read his brother in a long time, but he
definitely seemed to be nervous about something.
	Casey threw his backpack on the couch and proceeded out the door
with Harry and climbed in his car. The M3 started with a low growl and
proceeded to propel them from the family compound and down the private
drive. The car howled as it flew down the on ramp and down the highway,
wind whipping and snapping about the passenger compartment, the radio
hummed with the rhythmic sounds of a bass drum issuing forth from the
concealed speakers. The car leapt forward with a surge of power and then
off the highway and to a picture perfect stop in front of the stop
sign. The car surged through the intersection and into the drive through
lane. After placing their orders at the Clowns head and getting their food,
they parked in the lot and sat back to eat.
	"Case, I need to talk to you about something important." Harry said
slowly, placing his half finished burger on the wrapper in his lap.
	"Ok, Harry. Shoot." Casey replied amiably.
	"Um, Case we haven't been spending a lot of time together for a
while, and I'm sorry about that, I know it's my fault."
	"Well, I was kind of wondering why we weren't like, buds anymore."
	"It was cause I didn't give you enough credit, Case. I never gave
you a chance. I was too afraid, but now I want to open up to you and be
there for you again. But first there are a few things we should get
straight."
	Casey turned and squared his shoulders to face Harry and whatever
he might say. Anything he said or did was fine by Case so long as they were
buds again.
	"Case, I overheard your call the other night with Jules," Casey
inhaled sharply, "And it's cool with me. I 'm really looking forward to
seeing who stole my baby brother's heart away." Harry smiled beatifically
at his younger brother.
	Casey gaped at his brother until the words sank in. It was ok!
Harry wasn't going to kill him! Casey began to relax until Harry spoke
again.
	"Besides," He turned his head to look out the windshield. "I am
too." He looked at Casey, "Gay, I mean. I am too." He finished quietly as
he gazed pensively into his younger brother's eyes. "I was really happy and
sad at the same time when I heard your conversation with Jules, cause I
could finally tell someone. But I was a little down too, cause of all that
people say and do to guys like us. They don't understand that we need love
just as much as they do. Besides, my boyfriend is going to be at the camp,
and I wanted you to know about us so we can be comfortable around you, you
know?"
	Casey sat stunned in the Bavarian leather seat. Harry had a
boyfriend? And he wanted me to meet him? And then he felt his mouth curving
into a grin. He looked at Harry who was waiting nervously, kneading his
napkin mercilessly.
	"Harry. I", Casey gathered his strength and steadied his voice, "I
love you. And I would be," he inhaled and smiled, "so honored to meet the
one that set you free."
	Harry's jaw dropped at the emotion in Casey's voice and he leaned
in and held his brother as silent tears of relief and heartfelt love rolled
down his cheeks.
	And there they sat, entwined in love as only brothers can know.
	At last they separated, both somewhat unsure of this new closeness
they had reclaimed in each other. Harry sat back and sighed deeply. Casey
began to giggle. Harry looked at him questioningly, and then followed
Casey's gaze to his lap where the vital fluids from the burger had run amok
on his pants. Suddenly this was way too funny and they both were off on a
gale of laughter like they used to share once upon a time.
	As Harry cleaned his pants as best he could, he asked Casey who the
lucky fellow was.
	"Well," Casey began, flushing furiously, " his name is Justin. He
started at school this year, and he's a friend of Kyle's. He, ah, well he
played for Kyle in a basketball game when Kyle had his latest seizure
and. Oh, boy. Justin in shorts is, well, what a way to go, y'know?"
	Harry nodded in amusement as his brother began to slip into his own
world while describing his true love.
	"He is really good looking, but he is also shy and doesn't realize
he's so attractive. At least he is to me. And I was feeling really weird
one night, and I drove down to his house, but I parked down the
street. Then I went over in the shadows across the street and watched his
room. I was so full of...emotion, I just wanted to see him again." Casey
sighed deeply, " I started to sing, mostly to myself, but the nights here
are so calm that the voice carries sometimes farther than we think. I was
singing that tune 'Iris' and, well, I guess he heard me. Chris made a
comment after I dropped him off today that really makes me wonder just how
much Justin knows."
	"But he's coming this weekend?" Harry asked.
	"Yeah, that's what has me in a tailspin. I'm really wondering if
this could happen!" Casey said softly and leaned back into the leather.
	"Sounds like the odds are good to me!" Harry said with a smile.
	"Hey," Casey groused, " So who is this guy you have, huh? You heard
my secret, what's yours?"
	"Oh, well," Harry shifted uncomfortably, "You know him already."

@@@@@@@@@@@@@

	Grant climbed off the institutional van that transported him to and
from school each day. He walked up the steps to St. Vincent's home for Boys
and headed into the room he shared with two other misfits. Really there
wasn't any other name for them, they didn't fit anywhere and nobody wanted
any of them.
  He no longer cried for his parents, he had realized they would not come
back and that he wasn't loved by them. He had stopped lamenting their not
being here long ago, it did no good and they had never wanted him anyway,
no one had. At least he and Casey Fremont had become friends and that
allowed him the privilege of going up to their place sometimes. It
definitely helped when your father could pull political strings, since
normally he had to be escorted everywhere as a ward of the state. When he
was six they had stopped on a road trip at a gas station in the town of
Carlin and told him to use the bathroom. He had said he didn't have to go,
but they had insisted he try as they had no intentions of stopping again
before reaching their destination. So he had gone, and so had they. When he
returned there was only an oily puddle where the car had sat, due to it's
inability to keep it's fluids within the crankcase.
	He had cried with loneliness, and then in frustration. Why had he
taken so long? Obviously they had left him because he hadn't come right
back. Oh, if only he'd had to go! Then he wouldn't have had to stand and
force himself, if only that small thing had occurred he would still be with
them!
	But of course that wasn't true at all, and the fact was that he had
no family now, except for his friends. He sat heavily on his bed and a
small tear escaped his eyes, and was summarily squashed vigorously. Tears
were a luxury he couldn't afford. Especially here where weakness was
exploited. Just last week the staff made the mistake of putting a small kid
in with a violent one. One held a pencil to the temple of the other and
threatened to drive it into his skull if he didn't suck him off.
	Life here was like that, only the ones who could defend themselves
kept their virginity long enough to give it to someone they loved, or at
least someone of their own choosing. Grant was one of the latter, and a
staff favorite too since he required little supervision and had those
political ties, that also made him less of a target. He sighed and gathered
himself for afternoon chores, as was the custom here. This week he was in
the kitchen, so he would have to start with dinner preparation and then
dishes later on. That was ok, the cook was an older fellow named Julius, a
volunteer. He was nice enough and didn't give him a hard time. He also knew
Kyle Pritchard through his housemate or something like that, so they always
had something to talk about at least.
	At the thought of his friend his mind started to turn again. Kyle
was a bit different now, more assertive since he had met Justin. And there
was something to that guy as well, Casey was absolutely weird about
him. Just that day Casey had looked like he was in la la land when they had
gym together last period, and he seemed to walk with a lighter step
whenever he'd spot the guy, and he never failed to say "Look, Grant,
there's Justin." If Grant didn't know better, he'd say Case was in love!
	And speaking of strange behavior, what was up with Cris lately? He
seemed to shy away whenever he was around. Grant knew he could be difficult
to be around, but did Cris just not like him anymore? He sincerely hoped
not. Of all people Cris had fought for Grant more than anyone else, in fact
he was the one that had gone to Casey to get his father to be involved in
his case and get him up there for weekends. And they never mentioned where
he lived, in fact it was never an issue when he was with them. Maybe he
should tell Cris how much he meant to him, you know, try to figure out if
there was a problem?
	Grant sighed and steeled himself to go down into the havoc of the
institution he lived in. As he descended the stairs he contemplated the
upcoming weekend and the relief from the pressure he felt here, always on
guard against god only knew what. He saw Julius entering through the front
hall with another fellow who looked to be the same age. They seemed to be
just finishing a conversation with Mr. Donovan, the director of this hell
hole.  He turned towards the kitchen to get his apron and run a sink of
soapy water for the cooking dishes. If you cleaned as you went it made the
final cleanup faster.
	"Mr. Killian?"
	Grant smiled to himself. Julius had called him that from day one
and no matter how often Grant asked him to just call him by his first name,
Julius would not. Grant turned and said with a half smile:
	"Mr. Farrell? Dinner is waiting!" He said with a small British
lilt.
	"Oh, yes, indeed it is! We really should be going along, are you
ready?"
	"Quite." Grant responded, still grinning that half smile, and
turned towards the kitchen once more.
	"Ah, Mr. Killian."
	Grant turned again and looked at Julius.
	"Mr. Killian, dinner will be served elsewhere this evening. If you
please?" Julius waved a hand towards the front door.
	What the hell was going on here? Grant wondered if this little game
was that at all. What was he talking about? He wouldn't try anything, of
that he was sure, but still. This was getting way too weird.
	"Um, are we cooking out or something?" Grant asked walking slowly
towards Julius.
	"If you like. Grant Killian, I'd like for you to meet Jacob
Palmer. The housemate I mentioned to you?"
	"Oh, hello Mr. Palmer. Pleased to meet you. Ah, are you Kyle's
Uncle or something?"
	"Pleased to meet you as well, Grant. Indeed I am his Uncle, and we
really have to hurry as we are expected at the house. All the boys will be
there tonight for dinner. Are you ready?"
	"Um, Me? You mean I get to go?" Grant asked unbelieving, "Julius,
am I going with you or is staff coming?
	"No staff tonight. Not in my house!" Julius puffed his chest
dramatically.
	"Cool. Oh, man this is so cool!" Grant enthused.
	"Look sharp, lets step smartly. You've been signed out and we have
the car running." Jake contributed.
	The three descended the steps of St. Vincent's together and walked
towards the car, Grant basking in his surprise freedom, and Jake and Julius
beaming at their newest family member.  @@@@@@@@@@@@@

	Kyle hung up the phone and then began to dial numbers from memory,
Justin first. The phone was answered on the second ring.
	"Hello?"
	"Hey, Chris, it's Kyle."
	"Dude, what's up? Hey, I have news!"
	Chris proceeded to fill in Kyle on the afternoon's events, from
getting into the car on of course.
	"So Casey really does have it bad for him! Yes! This is so
cool. Hey, have Just call Case and tell him to meet everyone at my Uncle
Jake's for dinner, seven thirty."
	"Um, okay. But why? I mean, what does he want with us."
	"My dad wouldn't say, but I think it's gonna be big!"
	"Cool, ok. See you then."

	Kyle then picked up the phone but replaced it at the sound of the
front bell. That was a really distinctive bell, it was a Westminster
chime. His dad had gotten it and, true to form, his mother hated it. Said
it made her think of scary movies when it went off. Trey kept promising to
change it, but, well he wasn't exactly wanting to be rid of it.
	He answered the door and found Cris waiting on the doorstep.
	"Great timing, man. I was just going to call you."
	"Oh? What's up?"
	"We were invited to dinner at my Uncle's house for seven thirty."
	Cris seemed to shift from foot to foot and then responded, "Cool,
let me call my folks."
	After a brief phone call the two went up to Kyle's room and turned
on the stereo and proceeded to beat each other silly on the Playstation.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

	So here I was reaching for the phone cause Chris said Kyle wants me
to call Casey about some dinner at his Uncle Jake's. Getting the feeling
time together was being promoted here? As I placed my hand on the receiver
it rang and I jumped.
	"Hello?"
	"Justin?" Oh wow. His voice was so...
	"Hi! Case! Um, I was just about to call you!" I sputtered.
	"Oh? Cool. Want me to hang up so you can?"
	"Wha?"
	"I was kidding!" He laughed. His laugh was as musical as his
singing was melodic.
	"Oh, I see, think we can just give me a hard time now, huh?"
	"I certainly hope so!" He laughed again. That could be addictive!
	"Yeah, well. Kyle wanted me to call you cause we're all supposed to
go to his Uncle Jake's house for dinner about seven thirty."
	"His Uncle's huh? Ok. Want me to pick you up?"
	Do I ever!
	"Sure, that would be cool. Thanks!"

@@@@@@@@@@@@@

	The gathering was impressive in that staid neighborhood, and the
timing was surreal. Just as Kyle and Cris started up the drive Casey's SAAB
pulled up to the curb. Casey, Chris and Justin piled out and greetings were
made. Before the group moved towards the door again the distinctive growl
of an M3 was heard and Harry glided to a stop in front of his brother's
car. He alighted with Blair in tow.
	"Dude, the only one missing is Grant, then this'd be perfect." Cris
said to no one, and yet to everyone. Murmurs of assent were heard and then
the group made its way to the front door.
	As they entered Julius could be heard in the kitchen bellowing
Bizet's 'Toreador' from 'Carmen'. Jake greeted them and herded them all
into the dining room. The room was lavish and resplendent in wine red and
brilliant white trim. Silver table service was in evidence as well as
fluted wine glasses at each place setting with a half glass being poured by
Jake himself. They took a seat and Julius made his grand entrance with the
last pan of food, pretending for all the world as if he had cooked this
obviously ordered fair! He had a white smock that was food stained and a
large chef's hat, tilted to one side.
	"Now, what's missing?" Julius said dramatically with a finger
pressed to his chin.
	"Grant." Kyle said.
	"Pardon me?" Jake said.
	"We're all here, except Grant. It seems like that's always the way
it goes though. He'd love this." Kyle said simply.
	The empty seat between Kyle and Cris was suddenly filled.
	"You're right, buddy. I AM going to love this!" Grant said quietly.
	The room erupted in greetings and people getting up to go greet
their friend a little closer. When the dust settled Jake tapped his wine
glass with a small spoon.
	"All right, I have an announcement."
	The room fell silent.
	"The reason for this occasion, for this celebration, is due to
several of you. You may not all understand yet, but in time you will
eventually figure out the role you had in this very evening. This afternoon
Judge Chiarolanzio handed down the word that Grant Michael Killian would be
legally entrusted to and adopted by myself, Jacob Palmer, until his
eighteenth birthday. For now I would like you all to join me in a toast to
the newest member of this house, this family, and a member of your group
who has missed too much already of your company. Grant, welcome home!"


And there it is. As always your comments are welcome at :
dabeagle@nycap.rr.com Or visit the website at
http://www.homestead.com/dabeagle/dabeagle.html