Date: Sun, 12 Nov 2000 18:12:51 -0500
From: Dave <dabeagle@nycap.rr.com>
Subject: High School, Begin Anew ch8B

Just a little note from the author: I am sooo sorry this took so long, but
then I always say that don't I? I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I
did writing it, it was really a challenge! Please take the time to let me
know what you think and sign the guest book on my site. I am at a
crossroads and am not sure if this will continue or not, some feedback on
that would be nice as well. Thanks to Nifty for posting this little
daydream, and while I have you here, please stop and read these title in
the archive, they truly stand out in one form or another that I find worthy
of attention.

New To This State, The Quarry, A New Life, Journey into Love, Connections
to name but a few. And please write to these folks, it's important to
encourage the ones you want to read again since many who never hear from
folks just like you stop. So even if you just say "Way Cool, Man" It's
nice. It's better if you look like JTT, or Val Kilmer and live close by and
are single...


Feel Like A Bullet: Begin Anew Chapter 8B



	Pandemonium had ensued at Jake's announcement. Questions and
congratulations were hurled about the table, which slowly degenerated into
teasing which is best left to only the closest of friends. After some time,
dinner was eventually consumed and the group migrated to the back yard for
more general tomfoolery. They were observed by Jake and Julius through the
kitchen window where they sat, Jake with his tea and Julius with his coffee
wearing the bemused expression of those who are not often witness to the
exploits and energy of the young.
	At last the time for heading back to their homes had arrived and
they began to separate all stopping to let Grant know just how pleased they
were for him. Grant was not one given to emotional displays, but he found
himself hard pressed to contain tears and had to quell them several times
that night. What had he done to deserve such good people? His own parents
hadn't wanted him, but all of these people did, they actually liked him!
They began to break up and head in the general direction of his home. Home!
How sweet that word sounded now!
	Strangely enough he was sure there were several undercurrents going
on here tonight as well. As the small clusters of people got close to the
house he heard Justin said he'd be ready in a second, as he had to use the
bathroom. No sooner was he out of earshot than everyone but Cris and Casey
had cleared out, and Cris headed towards the back of the house leaving Case
to wait for Justin. It was like they were trying to make Justin go home
with Case. Weird, huh? I wonder if there is something to that whole thing?
Did they fight, or is there some deeper stuff happening between them? None
of his business, he knew, but something was up. So everyone bailed on
Justin while he was in the bathroom, except Case. And then those two went
out front that left just Cris, who seemed like he just wasn't ready to go
home. That was cool, Grant had some things to tell him anyway.  But what
was this? Was Cris nervous? Grant couldn't remember having ever seen Cris
give the appearance of unease. It was almost as if he didn't know how to
look nervous, yet here it was.
	He invited Cris to come out back with him and sit for a spell and
so they walked to the back porch and sat on the steps in the balmy evening,
quietly enjoying their being together in the quiet night sharing a
comfortable silence. Grant was looking out over the lawn towards the
weeping willow that dominated the piece of land and Cris was propped
against the railing post facing his friend.
	"So, I guess you're pretty psyched now, huh?" Cris broke the
silence.
	"Dude, you don't even know. It's like I'm waiting to wake up."
Grant replied, a small smile playing across his face. Who would have
thought he would be here now?  "When I woke up this morning I was an orphan
in a state institution. Now I am free, I have my own room, people that want
me in their house and lives, the best friends anyone ever had.life is
good."
 	A small shadow fell across his soft features and he spoke in the
direction of the yard. "Is there something wrong, Cris?"  He turned to face
his friend.
	"What do you mean?" Cris replied slowly.
	"You seem like your not really there lately, like you're shy and
you stay away from me." Grant inhaled deeply, " Cris I know I don't tell
people what I feel or think, but out of all my friends, you're my best
friend. You're my family. If something is wrong, then please tell me, or at
least give me a chance to fix it."
	Cris hesitated and closed his eyes. "Grant, a lot has happened that
you weren't around to see. And yeah, something is wrong, but I wasn't ready
to say it yet. I don't think I really am now. But honestly I don't know if
I'll ever really be ready."
	Grant shifted uncomfortably and replied, "Did I do something?"
	"No! God no. It's all me." Cris reassured his friend, "But, a lot
of things have made me think lately."
	"So, what all have I missed? And what can't you tell me?"
	"Well.Have you noticed how goofy Case is lately? Or Justin for that
matter?"
	"Yeah, so what. What're you saying?" Grant asked.
	"Well, Justin.Justin is gay."
	Grant sat still absorbing this. "Ok, so what?"
	"Th.that doesn't bother you?"
	"No. Kids have come through the house before that were gay. Just
like we have kids that are White, Black, Latino, or whatever. Just people,
doesn't even make you special."
	"Oh." Cris replied.
	"Why, does it bother you?" Grant asked.
	"No, at least not anymore. I was a bit freaked when I found out, I
don't know why; I just had a hard time getting my mind around it I guess.
But it's all good now."
	"Ok. Is that it?"
	"Ah, no. He likes Casey and we all are pretty sure Case likes him
back."
	Grant digested this development, and then replied, "You know I was
just wondering this evening if something of some sort was happening
there. They both seemed nervous around each other, so I guess that explains
it. But what I want to know is why have you." He trailed off, eyes widening
at Cris.
	Tears welled threateningly in Cris's eyes as he saw his secret
revealed in Grant's surprised expression. It was out now; everything would
change between them, forever. What would it be like now, though? Part of
him ached for the past, the safety of Grant not knowing even if it hurt to
feel as though he could never hope to share his feelings. A new part was
hopeful for some kind of future.
	Grant's mouth snapped shut. His first though was that Cris had done
all the kind things he had in order to get into his pants. He threw that
away shamefully, he knew Cris better than that and all the guy ever did for
him was out of friendship, concern and apparently love. And Grant could
admit to himself that he loved Cris too, right? It was true, he did. But
how much?  And did he love him like that? Could he love him like that?
Grant thought, but really there was no decision to make.
	He pulled Cris to him. Cris Teague, the one who always fought for
others, the tough guy that you knew would stand by you no matter what, the
one they all depended on in a pinch. Grant held him, and made himself a
promise. He had never thought of anyone in that way, had never had the
concept that anyone could love or want him, who had time to think of ever
having a loving relationship where he had been? But he was Cris's
dream. Him! He promised himself he would give Cris everything, he would try
for his friend, for someone he loved. He found that Cris felt good in his
arms, and it felt just fine to feel Cris's arms around him as well. He
reflected that he didn't recall anyone ever having cared enough to return
an embrace. He suddenly realized that tears were rolling down his face, and
that that was ok too. Someone loved him, and for that he would sacrifice
all.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@

	I stepped out of the bathroom and headed down the staircase. I was
reflecting on what a wonderful night this had been, how cool it was that
Grant had found a safe place, and more so that no one had told me he lived
in a place like that. I would have to ream someone for this lack of
intelligence. If I had known I certainly would have gone out of my way for
him, after all it sure explained his quiet nature and his lack of
participation in most things the rest of the group did. As I descended from
the landing down to the last set of stairs my heart raced at the sight of
Casey waiting for me. Well, he probably wasn't waiting for me but I could
dream, right?
	"Hey, I was waiting for you." Case grinned at me shyly.
	He was waiting for me! And what was he being shy about?
	"So, ah, where is everybody?" I asked.
	Harry and Blair are dropping off Chris and Kyle. They said there
wasn't enough room for everyone, and since you were in the bathroom."
	"They left me behind." I finished.
	"Yeah." He said, a small smile playing around the corners of his
mouth. "So you ready?" He asked, a more wolfish grin on his face.
	"Sure." I tried to say, but what came out was, well, YOU try
gulping and speaking. It doesn't work that well, huh?
	We went out the door and headed towards his car, my heart doing
flips. They had set me up! I was so nervous my stomach felt sick as I
trailed him to the car. My eyes began to rove a bit and I just couldn't
seem to keep them off Case. My eyes drifted from his solid shoulders down
to his trim waist and settled on his lower body. I watched his ass as it
moved, and the muscles on his thighs shook with each step and I found this
very arousing. Suddenly I was treated to a basket view and looked up just
in time to walk right into Case. We toppled over as he apparently was going
to talk to me while walking backwards, and I hadn't been watching where I
was going. Well I was, but, oh, you know!
	We toppled over, me on top. Casey looked into my surprised face and
burst out laughing.
	"Something funny?" I asked as I suddenly dug my fingers into his
ribs viscously.  He howled with laughter and bucked beneath me. We tumbled
on the lawn wrestling and tickling for a few minutes, but I was stronger
and soon had him pinned with his arms over his head.
	"Gotcha!" I muttered, inches from his face.
	"So, ah, now that you have me, what're you going to do with me?" He
asked looking straight into my eyes. My mind reeled with the possibilities,
was he hitting on me? Should I try and take the next step? I became aware
of my hardness then, and amazingly enough, of his as well. I was shocked as
I looked down into his eyes and suddenly I felt quite brave.
	"This." I breathed and lowered my head until our lips met.
	It was beyond words. I soared as I felt him return my kiss, I felt
his arms leave my grasp, one to my back and one to my head as he held me in
place. I closed my eyes and allowed nothing but feeling to flow, my body
sending signals of pleasure to my intoxicated brain. His lips were as soft
and firm as I had imagined, and his hair was silky to the touch as one hand
roved through it, and the other settled on his cheek basking in the heat of
his skin and I felt his heart hammering in a race with my own.
	"Hey, you two! Get a room!" Came a bellow.
	I started guiltily and looked up to see Julius and Jake on the
porch with cups in their hands. They had been watching!
	"Uh, sorry." I said standing slowly with Case beside me.
	"Not at all! It was wonderful, if only Ebeneezer here hadn't
spoiled it!" Julius replied.
	I looked at Case and he looked back at me. We both grinned
sheepishly at Julius's obvious enjoyment of our first kiss.  We said out
goodnights and I was led to Casey's car by the hand.
	The ride home was filled with meaningful stares and near accidents
as we roamed the streets, knowing I had to go home, but delaying the
inevitable. We grinned like fools at one another and reveled in the newness
of our situation. At last we arrived.  Casey looked over at me and I back
at him, and then I decided that maybe my next step was to invite him
inside. Duh!
	We walked up the steps and into the house, hand in hand. My father
came out of the kitchen with a glass of soda and spotted us at the
door. Casey's hand tried to pull away, but I held it firmly, and tried my
best to quell the butterflies in my stomach. My dad changed course and came
over to us.
	"So, you must be Casey. Think you can get your boyfriend to let go
of your hand long enough to shake?" He asked playfully.
	Casey's mouth dropped open and I let his hand go, reluctantly.
	"Justin, you never said he looked like a fish, does he do this all
the time?" My dad asked in a mock whisper as he shook Case, no, my
boyfriends hand. Boyfriend. I liked the sound of that.
	Case's mouth snapped shut and I reclaimed his hand.
	"Talk much?" My dad needled Case.
	"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't know that you knew, ah. I'm the last
one to find out I guess."
	"Um, Dad I was wondering if..." I began.
	"Well, I trust you two will behave, so sure, just don't stay up
late and for God sakes," He turned and grinned, "Don't make too much
noise."
	I reddened. I went to my dad and caught him before he sat down. I
hugged him and felt him return the feeling. I thanked him. He whispered in
my ear that he loved me, and I headed back to Case.
	After he'd called home and gotten permission to stay we walked down
the hall in to my room and he sat on my bed. I remembered my manners and
asked if he'd like a soda. After returning with the drinks we sat side by
side on the bed, legs stretched out and backs leaning on the headboard
watching the TV.
	Case broke the silence. "So, ah, how long."
	"Since the basketball game." I replied, feeling the blush running
up my face.
	"Me too." He replied quietly. We giggled for a moment.
	"You sing well." I said a bit more playfully, poking him in the
ribs.
	Now it was his turn to blush, but I felt it more than saw it beings
as we were looking straight at the TV. Honest.
	"That night was so weird, I was so wound up I just wanted to see
you. And then I started to sing, mostly to myself, but.I never counted on
you hearing it." He said softly.
	"I did. It was sweet. I was so excited to think it might be you out
there singing to me, and then when you came to the party with that girl."
	"Heh, she's my cousin, Julie. She was covering so I didn't have to
deal with the gold diggers in our school. She knew better though. She made
me admit it to myself." He paused, " Since we're talking about the party,
why'd you leave so quick?"
	"Cause I thought you might be interested in me, and it just made me
lose it when I saw you there with her. I guess I kind of had it all figured
in my head."
	We sat in silence once more, again broken by Case.
	."So, Chris knows about you? I mean, since he knows I was singing
and all I guess he does, huh?"
	"Yeah, I told him before he came out here, although he never
mentioned that he said anything to you about the singing.  Guess I should
have sworn him to silence, eh?"
	"What made you tell him at all? I mean, that must have been a tough
decision to make."
	"Cause I thought Cris and Kyle were going to out me and then kick
my ass."
	"Why would they do those things?"
	I explained the whole story, ending with the scene at the airport.
	"Wow. Chris is like your brother, man. I'd feel sorry for those
guys if they got in his way, especially over you. I mean, Jimmy Carlisle
won't be messing with you for a while!"
	"Huh?" I grunted.
	"He didn't tell you?" Case's face became animated. " I thought I
was going to get my ass kicked! Then Chris did this tackle flip sorta
thing, busted Jimmy's nose and threatened him with his frigging life! I
swear! I asked him why he did that and he said it was cause you and I were
friends. But that was strange to me, cause we were, but we didn't hang a
lot or anything, so I was hoping it was more than that." He finished
softly.
	"He left that part of his day out." I mused to myself.
	A snort rap on the door followed by Chris and my dad entering
stopped conversation for a moment. My dad said goodnight and admonished
again us not to stay up late. Chris planted himself on the end of the bed.
	"So, you two a couple yet?" He asked cheekily.
	Casey blushed and I held his hand and merely smiled at Chris.
	"Jesus KHEE-RIST! I don't believe it! I thought you two'd never get
it on!"
	I laughed, "You had your chance Taylor!"
	"No way! You two go fuck like rabbits if you want. Yuck!" He made a
face and shook as if he had something awful on him. What a maroon.
	I gave him a lascivious look and said, "Actually, Chris. Casey and
I were just saying how much fun a threesome could be."
	"Yeah," Case enthused, following my lead, "And we thought you'd be
perfect for our needs!"
	The look was priceless. Talk about getting even for his teasing
this afternoon? Oh, no, way past that! I couldn't take it anymore and we
burst out laughing, Chris joining us when he realized I'd gotten him.  At
last Chris went to his own room and we were alone again. We got into shorts
and tee shirts for bed and kissed lightly with the lights out for what
seemed like eons, and alternately just seconds. Then we slept, Casey's arms
wrapped around me from behind, together at last.


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@


	The morning sun streamed through my window and I stirred fitfully
with the sun in my face. I opened my eyes and found my bed empty. I sat up
and looked around slowly rubbing the cobwebs from my eyes and gazed about
the room. My heart fell; Gone. I pulled my knees up to my chin and sat in
thought. I looked up as the door opened and Casey entered with two cups of
coffee!
	"Your dad says you just take cream, hope you like it." He said
placing the cups on my night table. He was here! It wasn't a dream! I
stared at him as he sat next to me. His hair was mussed and he looked dead
cute, eyes sparkling a bit as he noticed that my gaze was on him, and he
began to blush.
	"Why are you looking at me like that?" He said quietly, not meeting
my eyes but showing a small smile creeping across his beautiful features.
	I hugged my legs in tighter and felt a small tear move slowly down
my face until it hung from the bottom of my jaw, then dropped to my
shoulder.
	"Cause I just can't believe you're really here. That someone so
beautiful and gentle could ever want me.I don't know. I guess I'm just
amazed.
	"Casey, can I keep you?" I whispered, searching his face, then his
eyes as he turned to face me.  He gazed into my eyes for what seemed to be
forever, studying my face. Then he seemed to find what he was looking
for. "Always."  He whispered.
	"Aww, how sweet. You two fuck sticks wanna get up now so we can get
going?" Chris muttered from the doorway. I pulled Casey to me, between my
legs my back on the headboard and his back to my front, head resting on my
chest and we smiled at Chris.
	"Oh, Christ." Chris said rolling his eyes and walking away. We
started giggling and broke the embrace to get ready.  Case headed for the
shower while I turned on the CD player and moved in time to the music as I
packed an overnight bag. After showering myself I toweled off and was
dressing when I found my packed bag empty and all those clothes replaced in
the drawers. Chris, it seemed, was feeling his oats this morning. I quickly
repacked and placed the bag in my closet where prying eyes and mischievous
fingers might not find it, then proceeded to find Chris's bag and tie his
underwear in knots before heading down the hall to the smells of breakfast.
	Case was at the table, looking soo good and offered me that shy
dimpled smile that just about melted me on the spot.  What?  Chris was
getting up to put his plate in the sink, and as he passed me he told me not
to forget to pack. Shithead! I sat next to Case and was amazed at my
appetite as I packed away pancakes and sausages by the score. I reveled in
his closeness to me, and was still on a high that he was here and mine, all
mine!
	Kyle showed up in his father's van with Cris, and Grant. Funny,
Cris looked so.happy this morning, which isn't to say he's gloomy a lot or
anything. He just had a real glow about him today, like he was, well, in
love. Chris piled in with them muttering about how lovey dovey people upset
his stomach. I just smiled at his goofball, completely Chris reaction. We
set out and it was a gorgeous day, keeping in mind that I am not a morning
person and this was before ten am. It didn't take long for the idiocy to
start. Casey asked me to reach into the glove box for a small item in a
cellophane wrapper. It turned out to be a set of false teeth that were
crooked and had brown munge painted on the gums. He then pulled up on the
right side of the van and waited until Chris was looking at us and flashed
him a big grin while flipping him the bird.  Chris promptly turned to he
rest of the crew and after much shuffling we were treated to several full
moons. The van's windows came down and obscenities were hurled. We
retaliated by firing donut holes at our assailants and doing a fair job of
hitting our target.
	The small caravan made its way to the Fremont family's compound on
the lake arriving about noon. The Fremont's were already set up in the
larger of the two cabins on the property and were currently on the deck
firing up the grill. A large dog lay lazily near the grill, obviously torn
between greeting the new arrivals and the food that would soon be
cooking. Our bags were quickly stashed in the smaller cabin and we headed
to the private beach for a swim. I don't remember being more at ease at any
given moment in time. We splashed and paddled, swam and dunked each
other. Wrestling back and forth and finally a football game on the beach,
which degenerated into a huge wrestling match. After lunch I walked down to
the left bank of the beach where I had noted many flat rocks. I selected a
few choice specimens and began a lazy sidearm motion and skipping the rocks
out across the clear blue water. Soon Grant joined me.
	"First time to the lake?" He asked.
	"Yeah." I replied. Grant knew I had never been before, why was he
asking me the obvious?
	"I love it up here, it was always a place I could let my guard down
and just try to be a person again." He said softly.
	"You know, I never knew you lived in such an awful place. I wish I
had."
	He chortled, "Why? So you coulda felt sorry for me? Naw, it wasn't
an issue with these guys, which is probably why they never told you. That's
why they are my friends, they respected me enough to let me decide who knew
and who didn't."
	"I didn't mean it like that, Grant."
	"You mean you didn't feel sorry when you found out?" He smiled and
put his lower lip out a bit.
	"Well, of course I did!" I replied with a grin, then stated matter
of factly, "I just would have liked to know as much as I can about my
friends."
	"Well, um, so are you and Case a couple now?"
	My jaw dropped.
	"C'mon, Corcoran. It's an easy question, is Casey Fremont your
boyfriend or not?"
	I stared at him, dumbfounded. "How, how did you know?"
	"A little bird told me. Listen, I just want to ask you about it a
little, if that's ok."
	"Um, ok I guess." I said uncertainly.
	"Look, you say you're my friend and you certainly have made good
choices in this little group here, so I'll take a risk for me and I'll
trust you. Not totally cause I'm comfortable, but cause I need to talk to
someone."
	"Well, sure Grant. I'll be happy to help if I can. What's up?"
	"ARE you guys dating?"
	"Yes, we are." I said, marveling at the feeling of actually telling
someone I was dating a boy, my boyfriend!
	"Ok, well, what's it like? I mean, have you guys, well, you
know. Does it hurt?"
	"What? You mean you're asking if we, um, DID it?"
	"Well, yeah. I know it's personal, but."
	"NO. Oh my god, no! We just started dating yesterday for crying out
loud!"
	"Ok, ok dude! Sorry, I just kinda needed to know and I don't have
anyone besides you and Case to ask, ya know?"
	"Well, why would you want to know that?" I asked, and immediately
afterward my mouth snapped shut in shock. He grinned sheepishly and nodded
his head. I pointed at Cris who was still eating lunch and he nodded again
the affirmative. Cris and Grant? Cris and Grant!
 	Who'd a thought it? I grinned and shook my head.
	"What?" He asked.
	"It's just funny." I replied.
	"What is?"
	"I don't know, I guess it's just that I always felt alone and now
here I have found Casey, which is amazing to me because he is just so much
more than I ever could be. And he really likes me. I still can't believe
it, and now you two as well? I never would have thought Cris in a million
years!"
	"Oh, so you think it's easy to tell, huh? You're saying I LOOK
queer?" He said with a small grin.
	"No, dude, no. You got it all wrong. I never would have guessed
either of you, but Cris is always so ready to fight and stuff, I don't
know. Plus cause I thought he didn't like gay people since he had some
trouble accepting me, y'know?"
	"Yeah, I know he told me. He also said you give good head,
though. What's your secret?" He asked grinning devilishly.
	"He said what? Oh, yeah right!" We laughed and skipped rocks for a
few minutes before he broke the silence again.
	"So how long have you and Casey liked each other?"
	"Since we first met, but neither one of us knew about the other
till last night." I replied. Wow, this felt so cool to be able to talk
about in broad daylight!
	"How about you guys?" I asked.
	"Well, I'm not sure. Look, this is what I needed to talk about. You
don't have to answer me, just listen if you want, but it stays between you,
me and the lake, ok?"
	"Sure, no problem man." I replied confidently.
	"See, I don't know if I'm gay," he began slowly, "I mean I care for
Cris like I do for no one else, and I'll give him everything I can but,
. Where I was living you never really got to know anyone cause you were
always building walls to stop others from fucking with you."  He paused.
	"And now there is someone who has clearly demonstrated that they
love me for who I am and I know I feel something for him, but I don't know
if it's love, or passion, or desire or any of that. I just know I feel
special around him, cause he does things just to make me happy. Does that
sound stupid or, like, make any sense at all?"
	"Yeah, it makes perfect sense."
	"What, um, what makes you like Casey? I mean, how do you know?"
	I side armed another flat rock into the clear lake that was created
by melting snow in the Sierra Nevada and contemplated before answering.
	"Well, I know a lot of people will say that looks don't matter. I
mean, in a lot of ways they don't and shouldn't, but the way I see it there
should be some physical attraction there too." I paused. "I mean, Kyle is
really sweet and very attractive to me, but I also know what's inside his
heart and I love him for that. But I also know he's straight. Blair seems
to be a nice guy, but he does nothing for me physically. I know that sounds
shallow, but, what am I trying to say? Casey is just so, well corny I know
but, sexy. I am just turned on by so many things that he does that are
special to me. Now I get to see if there is more to him than a pretty
face. I think there is, but if there wasn't then it wouldn't work, see
there has to be this balance for me of the physical and the substance." I
finished.
	Grant remained quiet for a moment and we skipped rocks across the
lake again. At last he began to speak.
	"I know I love him, I just don't feel the same things around anyone
but him. I never let anyone touch me or get too close.  I know I need to. I
know it should be him, he's the only one that loves me. But I'm still
scared." He held his last stone in hand and turned to me, "I want to make
him happy, and I like feeling loved for once. But what if I'm not gay? In
ever even thought about someone before `cause people would fuck with you if
they thought you liked anyone at all. I guess I never noticed anyone cause
I was so, oh, I don't know. Alone inside." He looked in my eyes and I felt
that special connection, like I had with Chris and Kyle for just that
moment, and then he spoke again. "I'm going to try." He said with tears
beginning to form, and fear in his face. I decided levity was called for.
	"No." I said in my best Yoda voice, "Do or do not. There is no
try."
	One tear rolled down his cheek and he smiled, and I returned the
smile, and then the giggling started and before you knew it we were howling
with laughter and the release from the tense discussion was enormous. I
hugged him and I felt him tense, then relax and return the embrace. I
stepped away and we began walking up to the camp. I spoke quietly as we
walked up the beach, "And just so you know, Cris isn't the only one that
loves you man. We all do."

@@@@@@@@@@@

	They say truth is stranger than fiction, and I guess it really can
be. I lay awake listening to the rainfall on the tin roof of the cabin, and
to the sounds of my slumbering friends. I am amazed at the life that has
suddenly sprung into being, at this group I have found and become one
with. I extricated myself from my sleeping bag and stretched my legs as I
walked to the window. I looked out at the darkened landscape and reflected
peacefully on the scene any the day.  I remember being told once that you
can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. I know now that isn't
true, I know now that adults aren't always right. I know now that family is
what you make of it, I know that some people worm their way into your heart
and you can't explain why, when or how. They just do, and then you really
have no choice at all but to call them family because no other word comes
close to describing that feeling they give to you.  I glanced about the
room at my family, really, my extended family. Kyle sleeping in his
sleeping bag, my first new friend upon my arrival. The first here to see
some worth in me and take the risk that came with befriending someone who
was different.  I remember so clearly the day of his seizure and how I felt
real love for the first time, not just infatuation. I know that I love him
in a special way that, surprisingly enough to me wasn't sexual at all. Love
without sex, what a concept, eh?
 Chris lay next to him, snoring softly. For a moment I watched my best
friend in the world, the one who would stand for me first and foremost,
even if I were wrong. It amazed me sometimes that he was so strong after
all that he has been through. He suffers no fools, he'll tell you that, but
he must be one for being by my side.  Harry and Blair were leaning against
one another like two passed out drunks, out cold. They had shared their
relationship with us earlier in the evening when we built a campfire on the
beach, sitting in two's and threes. They seem very happy, and I can imagine
the relief they feel at not having to hide around us.  I glanced out the
window again and watched the surface of the lake in turmoil as billions of
crater shaped images danced on it's surface, the clear water roiling with
each blow. I glanced at the stars and wondered if someone else was looking
out their window at those stars and felt as alone as I had, if they were
right now wishing they had someone with whom they could talk to. I sighed
deeply and walked back to my sleeping bag. On the way I paused to glance
down at Grant and Cris. Cris lay with his arm draped over Grant's side,
peace showing in his face as he nestled up to his love. And Grant? Grant
was smiling in his sleep.  I lay down next to Casey and drank him in again
as he lay on his back, chest rising and falling as he dreamed his dreams.
I felt the quiet power he radiated, and reveled in it. I memorized his face
in the moonlight, the curve of his cheek and the set of his jaw, the high
cheekbones that gave him such classic beauty, and the soft mouth that made
my mind feel as if I were a bullet fired from a high powered rifle,
speeding towards some unknown target. His eyes fluttered and then opened,
and he smiled softly at me before drifting off again. I lay down and
wrapped myself about Case protectively, lovingly and slept.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@

And there you have it. I'd like to thank those that have written in support
of this series, I truly appreciate you taking the time to share your
thoughts with me. This chapter was unedited for two reasons. One I am
taking pity on John Kumor, whose eyes are troubling him, and two because
Dave in Washington did the unfinished beginning of this chapter and I
haven't the heart to ask him to do this one as well! I don't know where
this will go from here, I am not sure it will continue, but I hope you'll
join me for the ride.

http://www.homestead.com/dabeagle/dabeagle.html