Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2005 08:27:37 -0800 (PST)
From: ED
Subject: ch13 beyond brothers

This story is a work of fiction.  If you aren't of age to read it than you
know what to do.  I haven't heard an update on Jake in several days the
last I heard was he was very weak.  He needs our continuing prayers, his
boyfriend John is spending time with him everyday.

			 *          *           *

     After the group hug Jamie felt like maybe he wasn't such a dirt-bag
that he had been telling himself he was for these past few months.

       Suddenly his need to help Justin won over his fear and he reached
out and grabbed Justin's arm and said "I have some idea of the pain that
you must be feeling.  Your father is supposed to be someone that
protects you and instead he was your worst enemy.  My cousin Steven
was the same for me he was supposed to protect me from sexual
predators and instead he was the predator himself.  I know how much it
hurts when some one who is supposed to be protecting us, betray us.
Not only, don't they protect us but they are the very one's who hurt us.
We feel double betrayed."


     Jamie whipped tears from his eyes and noticed that Justin's face was
tear streaked also.  "One thing I have learned in the last couple of
months is you can't erase what others have done to you.  However one
thing you must not do is to, allow their actions to become empowered so
that they can continue to hurt you.  You have two choices; you live with
what your father did to you and let it rule your life.  You can choose to
live above, and beyond what he did to you, and not let him have any
more control over your life.  You have a chance for a new life, Justin, if
I were you I would grab unto it like a drowning man would with a
lifeline."

     Justin threw his arms around Jamie and wept,  for the first time since
that terrible morning he felt he now had someone who truly understood
what he was going through.  After a few minutes Justin said "how about
throwing a few passes for us?"  Jamie began to throw pass's for the
other three boys to catch.  When all of the boys tired, they went onto the
back porch of Kyle's home and Peggy brought them soft drinks and
chips.

      The rest of the weekend passed without any difficulties.  On
Monday morning Justin went to school with Kyle.  There were a lots of
questions from all of Justin's friends, but for the most part everyone was
supportive and understanding.  Justin, Kyle, and Ben quickly fell into a
routine.  They would go to school then ball practice and then the games
when they started.  After the ball stuff they went to either Kyle's or
Ben's house to do home work and have supper.

On the first day of ball practice the whole team held a shaving party.
Kyle had brought his dads beard trimmer and shaving cream and a razor
as well as Ricky and Tony bringing their razor's.  Every boy got a
hardon while being shaved.  Except for Justin,  he told the team that it
was ok, and that they should go for it.  So the entire team had a circle
jerk, and then Ricky and Tony kissed in front of the whole team.  There
were a few hum hums, but then Kyle said, " they are the same guys they
have always been it just means more girls for the rest of us."

    Then Justin stood up and said while holding Ben's hand, " I have had
to be scared and hide who I was for fear of my father killing me for so
long, that I can't do it anymore this is Ben and he is my boyfriend."
All at once every boy in the locker room began to clap as Justin and Ben
kissed.  But the day wasn't finished yet Kieran a boy who had moved
there from England grabbed Brain and kissed him and told everyone
that they had been boyfriends for the last two years.  By the time is was
all finished every boy on the team admitted he was either gay or bi there
wasn't one single totally str8 on the team.  Kyle said,"once Justin can
function we are going to give him the biggest sex party Georgia has ever
seen."

     The week passed quickly and Friday arrived, Brenden got to Kyle's
parents at 5:30pm.  Don and Peg planned a big cookout for the boys,
Peg took the girls and went to her mothers for the weekend.  Jamie came
over as soon as Brenden arrived.  The first thing Don noticed about
Brenden was he had a healing bruise around his eye like and his lip
showed signs of having been split recently.  As the boys were drinking
sodas Don took Peg aside and said, "there is something wrong here
Brenden looks like he has been in a fight and he brought what looks
like his whole wardrobe."

     Brenden was sitting at the counter in the kitchen drinking a Dr
Pepper when Jamie walked into the kitchen.  It was as if the world
suddenly ground to a halt as these two boys beheld each other.  Brenden
blew soda out his nose and Jamie stood there with his mouth open.

"Brenden is that really you?" asked Jamie.

"OMG Jamie, it is you I haven't seen you since third grade."said
Brenden.

"God I never thought I would ever see you again after you moved away
and then we moved here the next summer."said Jamie.

"You two know each other?" Kyle asked in awe.

     Brenden and Jamie blushed and then Benden said, "I got my first
kiss form Jamie on the day we moved away.  We had been best friends
since preschool and had played doctor together and I loved him so much
even though we were so young and I was very sad on the day we were
moving, so Jamie took me to his room and he kissed me on the lips and
said, 'I will love you forever and someday we will be together again'"
spoke Brenden and Jamie at the same time.

     Then Benden rushed into Jamie's arms and the two boys hugged and
then kissed like their lives depended on it.  Justin, Kyle and Ben went
into the livingroom and explained to Don what had just happened.  Don
thought to himself thank-you God nothing could be better for Jamie
than to be given this gift, of being taken back to before all the abuse and
pain.   Jamie told Benden everything that had happened including with
Kyle and how things were now.
"Jamie there is a special reason I came here this weekend, my uncle
found out I am gay and fired me and told my parents.  My dad beat me
up and threw me out I have been living with a friend.  But my dad called
all my other so called friends and they outed me to the whole school.  I
was beaten up twice and two big football players cornered me in the
boys room and they raped me from both ends at the same time.  By the
time they were done there must have been 40 boys watching and
cheering them on.  Not one person would go for help.  When they
finished they told me if I said anything, they would find me and the
whole football and lacrosse team would take me in one day.  Then all of
them kicked me and left me there naked.  My friend Carl who I had
been staying with heard about the rape and brought me his gym clothes.
Unfortunately his parents found out about me and told me I had to leave
by today.  I am hoping that I might be able to stay with one of you for a
while."said Brenden with tears running down his gentle face.

Reader note (Brenden is now 17 he is 5'6" tall and has brown hair which
is spiked with blond highlights, he weights 105 pounds, his body is very
smooth only a little puff of brown hair under his arms and a small
amount of curly brown pubes.  His dick and balls are small like the rest
of him.  His dick is 4.5 inches long and only 1 inch in diameter.  His
balls are the size of walnuts.  He has no hair on his balls.)


Then Brenden and Jamie walked hand in hand into the livingroom and
Brenden told his story.  Don assured Brenden that a place would be
found.
"I am sure my parents would let him stay, but would we have to have
permission from Kim?"asked Jamie.

"Go ask your parents to come over here, while I call Kim."said Don.

Jamie hurried home and ran into the livingroom.  "Mom, Dad guess
who the boy Brenden for the lake is? Shouted Jamie.

Bill and Marie hadn't seen this kind of joy and excitement on Jamie's
face since that Sunday when Don had told them of what Jamie had done
to Kyle.

"I don't know Brendan Fraser the movie star?"asked Bill.

"No he is my Brenden from Blakesburg who moved away in third grade.
And he is gay and so beautiful." shouted Jamie.

"Don wants you to come over."said Jamie.

     Don reached Kim on her mobile phone and gave her the details and
got enough information from Brenden so his story could be checked out.
Bill, Marie and Jamie arrived back at Don's, Brenden repeated his story
and Bill and Marie immediately offered for Brenden to live with them.
While they were waiting for Kim's call Don started the grill and since
there was more than enough food Bill and Marie joined them for the
barbeque.  Food eaten and kitchen cleaned the three adults sat in the
living room, while the five boys went into Kyle's and Justin's room and
played video game.
As the boys were playing the video game Kyle told Jamie and Brenden
about the whole team shaving in support of Justin.  Jamie and Brenden
thought it was a great idea so they all went into Kyle's bath room and
Jamie and Brenden were shaved.  Both of them got hardons Kyle looks
at Jamie and said, "Jamie I want to show you this one time only that you
are forgiven." and with that he dropped to his knees and proceeded to
give Jamie a great blow job.  Jamie was standing and had Brenden sit on
the counter and he gave him a blow job at the same time.   Justin and
Ben went back into the bedroom and cuddled on the bed.  Once both
Jamie and Brenden had an orgasm Kyle rinsed his mouth and started to
leave but both boys grabbed him and Jamie got on his knees and said
Kyle may I please suck you one last time with your permission this time.
Kyle look down at his friend, and saw the hope of forgiveness there and
he nodded with a big smile on his face.  Once all three boys were done
they came back into the bedroom.
The boys went back to the video game and were  so into it they didn't
hear the phone ring.
"Boys would all of you come in here please." said Don.
"That was Kim and everything you said Brenden has been verified and
as of right now Bill and Marie have been appointed your temporary
guardians."said Don.

Suddenly Jamie knelt in front of Brenden and said, "will you be my
boyfriend Brenden?"

Brenden with tears running down his face pulled Jamie to his feet and
nodded his head and kissed Jamie with all the passion and years of pent
up wanting and missing he had stored up for his first and only love.
                    *          *          *
     Justin sleep at Ben's at least two nights a week. After a month had
passed and it was time for Justin to go for his check-up with Dr.
Manchester.

      On the day of his checkup Justin was nervous, after Dr. Manchester
had throughly examined him he pronounced him fully healed.  Then just
as he was about to tell Justin to get dressed he remembered his problem
with not being able to get an erection.  Justin jump back up on the table
for me for a minute please.

"Have you been able to achieve an erection yet?"


"No, my dick still doesn't work."

"Have you heard of Viagra?"

"Yea, it is for old men who can't get it up any more, right."

"Some thing like that, but it is for people of any age.  I would like to
give you a dose of it and then let you look at some sexy magazines to
see if we can get thing started for you again."

"Sure why not."

"Who brought you here today?"

"Don, Kyle's dad."

"Ok , I'll have to get his permission, but that shouldn't be a problem."

     Fifteen minutes later a young male nurse brought Justin a pill, a
small glass of water, and a stack of magazines.  As he was closing the
door he winked at Justin and said, "have a good time."
     Justin picked up one of the magazines and begin to thumb though
it he had never seen anything like it before, and it made him feel tingly
all over.   His groin felt like it was on fire and he reached down to try to
see if he could get his penis to respond like the rest of the his body was.
But, even with the Viagra his noodle was limp as a piece of el-dente
spaghetti.  Justin tried for another thirty minutes to no avail.  Finally
totally frustrated he dressed and waited for some one to come into the
room.  A few minutes later Dr. Manchester came into the room.

"How did you make out, Justin?"

"It didn't help at all.  The magazines made me real horny, but my thing
stayed as soft as Jell-O.  Is this the way I'm going to be for the rest of
my life?"

"I don't think that it is a physical problem, I would like to make an
appointment with a friend of my.  His name is Sam Tully.  He is
Psychologist, who deals with people who have undergone traumatic
experiences.  I think you will like Sam and I will bet my last dollar he
can help you.  So what do say can I make the appointment for you?"

"What is he like?"

"He is a native American, he had a pony tail, he wears jeans and a
cowboy hat, oh yea he smiles a lot."

"He sounds cool set it up."

      Two weeks later Justin walked into Dr. Tully's office.  Sitting in the
waiting room was like what Justin imagined it would be like sitting
inside a Dakota Sioux Tee-Pee.  The wall were covered with leather and
wooden poles ran from the floor to a center vent in the ceiling.  There
were many things hanging on the walls all appeared to be original
artifacts.  Even the furniture had a rustic look about it.  Since Dr.
Tully's office was only a half mile from the Russell's home Justin rode
his bike to his appointment.  After sitting for ten minutes a door opened
and the man Dr. Manchester walked into the room and introduced
himself.  Then the two of them went back into his office.
     "If it is ok with you I thought we could just get to know each other
today.  Dr. Manchester already told me what the problem is and about
your back round, so I thought you might feel a lot more comfortable
talking with me about such things if you got to know me first.  Is that ok
with you?"

"Yea, that sounds good to me."

     For the next hour Dr. Tully made Justin comfortable while at the
same time he was learning and verifying much of what his friend Ted
Manchester had told him.  With just five minutes left in their session
Justin brought up the fact that he was impotent.  Dr. Tully smiled
knowing that he had been right with using this approach with Justin,
seeing he was comfortable enough to bring up so private a subject
especially for a thirteen year old.

"Why do think I can't make it work anymore?"

"There could be several reasons why your body won't respond, but
undoubtably it is all tied to the morning when your father attacked you.
Our time is up for today but we will meet later on this week and we will
keep working on this until we have you back to the way all the boys
your age are."

"What do you mean by the way boys my age are?"

"Walking around with their shirts untucked all the time."   With that he
gave Justin a gentle tap on his head with the notes he had taken during
the session.
     Justin continued to see Dr. Tully every week, but as May passed
into June and then school let out for the summer there was no change in
Justin's condition, Dr Manchester suggested the hormones again, but
Justin turned him down.

      Justin had become so uptight about it that he wouldn't make out
with Ben anymore.  When they were alone they would just hold hands
and if he and Kyle stayed overnight at Ben's then they always made him
sleep in the middle of Ben's bed with Ben sleeping spooned behind
Justin.
                    *          *          *
      By the middle of July a meeting was held with Don, Peg, Penny who
has been busy trying to find a way to live without being told what to do
by the General, and Dr's Tully and Manchester.  Justin had been placed
on antidepressants and mood stabilizers, but he had become more and
more withdrawn.  He would only eat when Don ordered him to do so
and he had to be made to shower.   He lay on his bed staring at the
ceiling, when Ben would come over he would lay on the bed and hold
Justin.  Justin had stopped talking all together for the last week.  Ben lay
on the bed holding Justin as he fell asleep, Ben looked over at Justin's
picture of his brother Jeff, and said "if you can hear me Jeff please help
him he is willing himself to die.  I love him so much please help him."
cried Ben as he fell asleep holding Justin.

An hour later Justin needed to pee so he got up and went to the
bathroom.  Kyle had gone to play miniature golf with Jamie and
Brenden who were fast becoming lifetime partners.  As Justin came
back into the room he heard the greeting, "Hi little J".  Justin shook his
head,  no one had ever called him that except his brother Jeff.   Justin
looked at the tall blond haired teen standing looking down on the
sleeping Ben.

"Who are you?" Justin asked the back of the teen.

Just then the teen turned around and faced Justin, "Jeff, Jeff is that
really you?"asked Justin.

"Yes, Little J and I have come to help you out.  You have a long life to
live and you need to let go of what the General did to you.  Your
beautiful dick is going to get hard just fine.  I know you may think this
is all in your imagination, but I can prove to you it is really me.  You see
you aren't the only Blake son who is gay, I am too.   Do you remember
my friend Steven who was so upset at my funeral, well he and I had
been boyfriends since we were twelve.  I want you to find him and have
him tell you what we had done that day just before I went to pick you
up.  He will tell you, that was our special day and we had made love for
the first time.  We waited until we were both 18, we had given each
other oral sex many times and loved doing 69.  We used to put oil on
out bodies and rub on top of each other until we came.  Tell Steven that
J.D. says he still loves you and that he is happy for you and Peter.  Then
ask him  to tell you what had happened that day."

"What is J.D.?"asked Justin.

"Jeff's big dick" laughed Jeff.  Steven gave me that name because my
dick was seven inches long."

Jeff walked over and hugged Justin, "it will be alright, I want you to
start taking the hormones and after two weeks, I want you and your
beautiful boyfriend to try doing a 69 oral sex.  Don't be afraid I am
telling you it will work."said Jeff.

"Can't you stay, please, please?"cried Justin.

"Can't Little J, but now you are going to be ok I love you and I am
watching over you.  By the way Ben is your life mate your love and
relationship will only grow and blossom as the years go by."said Jeff
Then just as he had appeared he was gone.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"screamed
Justin.
Ben jumped off the bed and wrapped his arms around Justin, and asked

"what is it Justin, what is the matter?"

"Jeff, Jeff my brother was just here and he talked to me, and hugged
me."said Justin.

"Oh my god, I can't believe it I kind of prayed to his picture before I fell
asleep."said Ben.

Justin told Ben everything Jeff had told him, including about their own
relationship, except for the part about doing a 69.

I need to find Steven to see if it was real or my imagination."said Justin.

"Do you know what Steven's last name is?"asked Ben

"No, but my mom would know." said Justin.
Justin walked into the kitchen and dialed his moms number.  Don and
Peg were sitting in the kitchen having a cup of coffee, to say that they
were shocked to see Justin up and talking on the phone is an
understatement.  Don mouthed what is going on to Ben, he mouthed
back later.

Penny answered the phone, "hello this is Penny,"

"mom this is Justin I need to know what Jeff's friend Steven last name
is and if he still lives in the area."
 Penny was shocked to hear Justin's voice, and had no idea why he
wanted this information.  His last name is Miller and his family still live
at 1227 Garden side Lane.  Why do you need that information
Justin?"asked Penny

"I will tell you later, please don't ask me now." said Justin.

"Can we please borrow Kyle's bike."said Justin.

Don nodded his head and Justin and Ben ran out to the garage, jumped
on the bikes and rode to the address Penny had given Justin.

"I'm scared." said Justin.

"I am with you forever, Justin way, beyond brothers," they walked up to
the door and rang the bell.

"Hello, may I help you."
"
I am Justin Blake, and this is my boyfriend Ben, Jeff was my big
brother, and I need to speak with Steven, please."

"Wow I see the resemblance, Steven doesn't live here anymore he has
an apartment over on Macon.  He live in the Pinewood condo's his
number is 207.  Do you want me to give him a call and see if he is
home?"said Mr Miller.

"Yes, would you please."answered Justin.

      Mr Miller called Steven and explained about Justin wanting to talk
with him.  He offered to drive the boys to Steven's and Peters condo.
He remembered all the pain that Steven went through after Jeff's death.
Until he met Peter two years after Jeff was killed he was like a walking
robot.   His emotions all locked away, but Peter's love for him slowly
allowed Steven to open his heart and love again.  Mr Miller didn't know
what Justin wanted but he wanted to be sure that he didn't hurt his son.

When they arrived Mr Miller walked in first, then Justin and Ben.
Justin recognized Steven right away who hugged him for a long time.
Justin I am so sorry I never came to see you but the General told me to
stay away from you and his house.  I think he may have had an idea of
mine and Jeff's relationship.

Justin told everyone his whole story of what had happened to him from
the moment of Jeff's death until that afternoon.  Then he told of Jeff's
visit this afternoon.  "Steven he told me to say you, that you used to call
him "J.D." , he said to tell you he still loves you and is glad that you and
Peter are together.  He said for you to tell me why the afternoon he was
killed was so special to the two you."

Steven was shaken by what Justin had just told him ,but no one else ever
knew that he called Jeff J.D. he hadn't even told Peter that it was too
special between him and Jeff.

"That day was our fifth anniversary of our being boyfriends.  We had
waited until we were both 18 to make love and had chosen that day to
make love for the first time.   It was so beautiful as we took each others
cherries.  We were so gentle and loving, it was everything we thought it
would be.  Did you know Justin that Jeff wasn't planning on going to
West point like you father wanted.  He and I were planning on getting
an apartment and we were going to have you live with us.  He love you
so much Justin, he hated your parents for how they treated you.  I grew
to love you too and wanted you to come live with us as well.  After his
death I came out to my parents and talked to them about helping you,
but there was nothing we could do." said Steven.

"Steven I want to thank you for sharing with me I now know that it was
really Jeff who came to see me today.  He told me to start taking the
hormone shots wait two weeks and then try and see if I can get and
erection.  I think it will work so I am going to do it." said Justin.

"Listen you and Ben are welcome to come here and hang out or ask
questions any time you want.  Here is our number, and here is my email
address.  If you need anything at all, you call me."

      Mr Miller drove the boys back to his home and they rode their bikes
home.  When they got back home Kyle was home so Justin sat everyone
down and told them what had happened.  Everyone was amazed at his
story but the evidence was irrefutable Jeff had come to visit Justin.  He
told them everything that Jeff has said except for the 69ing with Ben, he
was saving that for Ben.

The next morning Peg took Justin to Dr Manchester's and he began the
hormone shoots.


Note the part of the story about Jeff coming to visit Justin is based on a
real life visit a boy named Joe received from his dead older brother
who also was killed by a drunk driver.  Joe was attacked by his father
at age 15 for kissing a boy.  His father beat him so bad he almost died
he suffered much like Justin but worse.  The father was sent to jail for
20 years.  I met Joe through this story, he is but one of the many boys
and men I have come to know who are or have been harmed because
they are gay.  Joe's story will be published as soon as I get it ready.