Date: Sat, 30 Oct 1999 22:47:38 EDT
From: Rysh1422@aol.com
Subject: Bleeding Hearts - Chapter 12

I'm sorry for the delay in Chapter 12. I had a family emergency, but thank
God, all turned out well. You can find out more about "Beautiful Thing" on
the links page of my web site or it can be purchased at amazon.com.

http://www.familyshoebox.com/family/bleeding-hearts

Chapter 12

	Asher and I burst through the front door of Adam's house, or as I
was quickly coming to think of it, my house. We were giggling and tripping
over each other in our haste.

	"Well," Adam said coming into the hall to see what was going on,
"You two sound like a herd of elephants. I thought I was being
invaded. Make that a herd of giddy elephants."

	"Can Asher spend the night?" I asked breathlessly.

	Adam's left eyebrow flew up so high it almost shot off his
forehead.

	"Well, I don't know," he said slowly.

	"What?" I was shocked. I hadn't expected there to be any problems.

	"I think I'd rather talk to your mother first," he said.

	"What do you mean?"

	"Can I talk to you for a second in the other room?" he asked.

	"Yeah, sure."

	We left Asher standing in the hall and walked into the living room.

	"Obviously your talk went well and you made up your mind, but are
you sure this is the best thing right now?" Adam said once we were alone.

	"I don't understand what you mean," I told him.

	"Well, number one, I'm not naïve. I know you two intend to do
more than talk up there." I blushed. "You're so young, Killian. I know I'm
not your father and therefore I have no right to tell you what you can and
cannot do with your life, but I've grown to care for you very deeply and I
don't want to see you get hurt. Don't rush into a sexual relationship. If
what you have is real, then it will wait. Let your relationship grow
first. You are both just beginning to explore this new side of
yourselves. Don't do something you may regret later. I've seen too many
friendships ruined by sex.

	"Number two," he continued, "is that you just went through a very
traumatic experience, two in fact; Seth's murder and then your father's
abuse. I don't think you've really dealt with either one. You don't need to
add the emotional stress of a serious relationship until you've worked
through those things first."

	"I'm fine," I told him, "I don't know what you mean about dealing
with them. It seems like all I do is cry anymore. Isn't that dealing with
it?"

	"No, that's releasing the pressure, and that's better than holding
it in, but its not dealing with the underlying issues. Until you address
them, you will always be dealing with that pressure."

	"I don't know what to do."

	"I know, Killian. We'll work through it together, huh?" He pulled
me in for a quick hug. "I'll talk to your mom tomorrow and see what we can
do about maybe finding a good counselor for both of us."

	I nodded although I still wasn't convinced I needed to see a
counselor. I mean, I thought I was doing great considering.

	"What about Asher?" I asked.

	"I still don't think it's a good idea for him to stay over. How
'bout if we watch a movie together and then you can drive him home? I have
a great one that I know you guys will love and I guarantee you that you've
never seen it before."

	"What is it?" I asked suspiciously.

	"Just wait, it'll be a surprise. But I will say that it's one of
the most wonderful movies I've ever seen. I watch it over and over."

	 I went and filled Asher in. He was disappointed, but agreed to the
movie idea. It was better than nothing.

	Asher and I settled in on the couch with a blanket while Adam
popped some popcorn. When the lights were dimmed and everyone was situated,
Adam pushed play on the remote control and the movie started. It lived up
to his glowing review. The movie was called "Beautiful Thing." It's the
story of two teenage boys who fall in love and their families and their
struggles. That doesn't even come close to describing it. I related so much
to the characters. One of the guys was a 17-year-old named Ste. His father
abused him and I started crying I related to him so much. Asher held me
tightly during those parts.

	It was a little hard to understand because it was an English
movie. Their accents were quite heavy and they used a lot of English slang
terms that I wasn't familiar with, but Adam kept us up to speed.

	I also enjoyed snuggling with Asher. It felt so good to have his
warm body curved around mine, to feel his breath on my cheek and his arms
around me. When the last notes of Mama Cass died away, Adam lowered the
volume and stopped the tape and started it rewinding.

	"Did you like it?" Adam asked us.

	"Yes!" we answered in unison and Adam just chuckled a bit, then
turned his attention to the TV where the news was on. We all got a bit
engrossed in the top story and it wasn't long before I realized that
Asher's breathing had become very regular and his body had relaxed. He had
fallen asleep.

	"Asher's asleep," I whispered to Adam.

	He looked over and smiled at us. "You too look so peaceful," he
said softly, "just like Ste and Jamie. I hate to disturb him."

	"Then don't," I countered, "Let us sleep here. We won't do
anything. I promise."

	He thought for a moment, then seemed to make up his mind. "I'm
going to trust you on this, Killian," he said, "Please, don't let me down."

	I broke into a wide grin. "I won't," I promised.

	"I need to call his mother, then, and let her know where he is," he
said, getting up.

	I gave him Asher's phone number and he made the call. After
speaking for a brief time, he hung up and snapped off the last lamp.

	"I guess that means it was ok," I whispered.

	"You guessed correctly."

	"Good night, Killian."

	"Good night, Adam."

	He started from the room, "Adam?" I called out softly.

	"Yes?"

	"Thank you...for everything. I'm glad you were there for me. You're
like the Dad mine never was."

	He stood silhouetted in the hall light for a few moments, his back
to me, and I wondered if he was going to respond. Then he turned and slowly
walked back over to me, bent over and gently kissed my forehead. I felt a
drop of wetness land on my cheek and I realized he was crying. Before I
could say anything else, though, he quickly moved from the room and turned
off the hall light. I heard him go up the stairs and his door close, then
silence descended on the house. It wasn't long before I joined Asher in
sleep.

			* * *

	I was standing in the park by the pond. I could feel more than see
the other presence in the shadows that seemed to writhe and dance around
me, slowly closing in. I was turning, trying to watch all sides at once,
but it was hopeless. Then the shadows seemed to take form, become more
solid, and from them stepped a figure.
	
	He was dressed all in black but I couldn't see his face at first,
and then I realized it was because there wasn't one. Then I knew who it was
without being told. It was my attacker, Seth's murderer. He'd come back to
finish off what he'd started.

	I wanted to run, but it was as if my feet wouldn't respond to my
brain's commands. I was frozen where I stood as he slowly came towards
me. And then somehow, before I knew it, he was behind me. His arm snaked
around my neck and I felt the cold steel of a knife blade cutting into my
throat. I felt a trickle of blood run down my collarbone. Then suddenly it
was as if whatever spell had me frozen had been broken and I was fighting
for all I was worth - kicking, screaming, thrashing. I didn't want to die.

			* * *

	"Killian! Killian!" A voice was calling me.

	My eyes flew open and I sat bolt upright. I was sticky with sweat
and my heart was pounding in my chest so hard that I thought they must be
able to hear it in the next county. Everything was dark and I looked around
frantically for the attacker. I couldn't see. Where was he?

	I felt an arm slide across my shoulders. I cried out and flailed
blindly at them. I hit flesh and I heard a startled "oof" from the
darkness.

	"Killian, its ok! It's just me, Asher."

	"Asher?" I whispered.

	"Yes, I'm right here."

	"It was a dream?" I said shakily, remembering where I was and what
had happened.

	I felt his arms slide around me again and this time I didn't
fight. "Yeah, I guess so. It must have been a bad one. You woke me up
throwing your arms around and kicking and crying like."

	"I'm sorry," I said, burying my face in his chest.

	"Don't be sorry. It's ok. It's not like you can help what you
dream. Do you remember what you were dreaming about?"

	"Yeah," I said, "It was Seth's killer. He was after me and I was
fighting. Oh God, it was so horrible." I squeezed Asher harder.

	"I'm here, it's ok, Killian," he murmured into my hair, "It was
just a dream. Go back to sleep, Baby. I've got you. You're safe."

	It took quite a while, but finally my body won out over my fear and
sleep overcame me.

			* * *

	I awoke the next morning with Asher's arms still wrapped around
me. It made me feel safe and warm, even though the dream from last night
still lingered around like the last shreds of mist in the morning sun. I
just wanted to stay like this forever, but nature's call was coming in loud
and clear and if I didn't get up soon I'd have an embarrassing problem on
my hands.

	I tried to slip out of his embrace without waking him, but he just
tightened his grip. I tried again with the same results, so I gave up on
not waking him.

	"Asher." I said. When he didn't respond I got a little louder,
"Asher!"

	"Huh? Wha?" he said sleepily.

	"I hafta piss, man," I told him, "You gotta let me up."

	"Oh yuh, sorry," he mumbled, letting go and falling immediately
back to sleep. Well that was a bit of information to file away for future
use: Don't worry about disturbing Asher's sleep.

	After I went to the bathroom I was wide-awake so I went ahead and
went upstairs for a shower. When I came downstairs after dressing I smelled
bacon cooking and knew Adam was up. I padded into the kitchen in my
stocking feet and sat down at the table.

	"Good morning," Adam said. He was quite chipper. I hate morning
people.

	"Morning," I said.

	"How'd you two make out on the couch?"

	"With our lips," I shot back.

	Adam gave me a warning glance and I sighed.

	"We made out fine," I told him, "I had a nightmare though and Asher
had to wake me up."

	Adam looked at me again, more seriously this time. "What was it
about?"

	I sighed, "Scary. It was the killer. He tried to kill me."

	Adam left the stove and came over to sit across from me.

	"What did he look like? Did you remember anything else?"

	"No, I couldn't see his face again. It was like he didn't have
one. He didn't speak either. But I'm pretty sure it was a guy in my dream
at least, but that doesn't really mean anything, does it?"

	"I don't know. I'm going to call today to find out about
counseling," he said.

	I nodded and noticed smoke starting to come from the frying pan on
the stove.

	"I think the bacon is burning," I told Adam. He jumped up and
dashed over to the stove.

	"No, not burnt, but it'll be crispy. Go get Asher up so by the time
he gets out of the shower breakfast should be ready."

	I went into the living room where Asher was still asleep on the
couch. I gently shook his shoulder while I called his name. When that
didn't work, a rather mean idea popped into my head. Of course, I loved
it. I started tickling him.

	He sat up so suddenly that his head smacked into mine and while he
fell off the couch I fell backwards.

	"Dammit, Killian!" he whined with his hand on his forehead, "Why'd
you have to go and do that?"

	"I thought it would be funny," I responded; hand on my nose. "Is it
bleeding?"

	"No, and I think it lost something in the translation, cuz it sure
wasn't funny."

	That started me giggling and soon we were both lying on the floor
laughing. Finally I got control of myself and told him that he needed to
hurry up and get his shower.

	The rest of the day flew by. School was pretty uneventful. Things
finally seemed to be falling back into their same old patterns and I was
relieved. I was tired of the whole special treatment scene.

	I was walking down the hall after the last bell when suddenly a
person appeared on either side of me and grabbed my arms. It was Zack and
Jesse. I struggled but they lifted me off my feet and swept me down a side
hall and into an empty classroom. They set me down and spun me around to
face them.

	"What was that about?" I demanded angrily.

	"We need to have a little talk," Zack said threateningly.

	"I'm sick of our 'little talks.' I'm leaving," I tried to push past
them, but they shoved me back roughly. I was starting to get a little
scared.

	"We know what you and Asher were doing on the beach last night,"
Jesse growled.

	"What?" I gasped.

	"Someone saw you, dumbass," Zack taunted, jabbing me in the ribs
for effect. "So now we know for sure that you're a faggot and we know Asher
is too."

	"Yeah, and you're both going down," Jesse piped up, "We don't want
no faggots at our school."

	"How very enlightened of you, Jesse," I said, my anger building by
the second, "but guess what? I'm not going anywhere. Yeah, you're right. I
am gay. And I'm not gonna be ashamed of that. But guess what else? That's
none of your business. You can't intimidate me or scare me."

	"Well we can beat the crap outta you," Jesse said as he took a
menacing step towards me.

	I took a step back and glanced over my shoulder. There was only the
one door to this room and Zack and Jesse were between it and me. My mind
was racing almost as fast as my heart. Zack and Jesse began closing in on
me. My foot shot out, catching Jesse by surprise and nailing him in the
balls. He screamed like a girl and crumpled to the floor as Zack launched
himself at me. I tried to jump out of the way, but he caught my shoulder
and I spun as I fell. We ended up in a pile on the floor when the light
came on.

	"What's going on in here?" a voice demanded.

	I sat up, disentangling myself from Zack. It was Mr. Doukas, my
physical science teacher from last year.

	"Nothing, we were just messing around," I told him.

	"Well, mess around somewhere else. Get going before I escort you to
the office." I could tell he didn't believe me. He cast a suspicious look
at Jesse, who was struggling to get up, obviously in pain still. He was
looking a little ill.

	"Are you feeling alright, Mr. O'Donnell?" Mr. Doukas asked him.

	"Not really," he answered truthfully.

	I grabbed my backpack that I had dropped when Zack tackled me and I
started out of the room.

	"We'll talk later," Zack called after me meaningfully.

	"We'll see," I called back.

	I searched all over for Asher, but I couldn't find him anywhere and
no one I talked to had seen him, so I drove straight to his
house. Mrs. Davis answered the door and said Asher was in his room and for
me to go right in.

	I tapped on the door and I heard his muffled voice tell me to come
in. I opened the door and couldn't help but gasp. He was lying on the bed
with the worst black eye I've ever seen and his lip was busted and swollen.

	"Oh my God," I said, rushing to his side, "What happened?"

	"Zack and Jesse happened," he spoke carefully because of his lip.

	"Oh geez," I whimpered hugging him tightly. "They tried to get me
after school, but I fought back and luckily Mr. Doukas came in before
things got ugly. I didn't squeal."

	"Maybe you should've. They aren't gonna give up that easy, you
know."

	"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting up.

	"They'll be back. And probably with back-up."

	"We were careless last night, weren't we?" I said softly.

	"Yeah, we were. I'm sorry," he said.

	"Hey, what's done is done. Now we have to live with the
consequences, but there's no sense in beating ourselves up over it. Zack
and Jesse will take care of that for us." I added with a grin. I continued
seriously, "At least we have each other to talk to and lean on as we go
through this. Seth didn't have anyone."

	"Killian, I don't know if I want to go through this. I don't know
if i can go through it. Maybe it's too late, but maybe not. I mean if I can
convince Zack and Jesse not to tell anyone, maybe I can save my
reputation. I don't want to end up dead like Seth."

	I stood up. "Ok, wait a minute. First of all, are you saying that
your reputation is more important than us? And what do you mean end up dead
like Seth? Do you think it was Jesse and Zack?"

	He looked away. "I don't know," he mumbled.

	"Asher, if you know something you have to tell someone," I told
him, urgency creeping into my voice.

	"I don't know anything," he said again, rolling over with his back
towards me. "Maybe you should go, Killian. I'm not feeling so great."

	"Asher," I pleaded, "If you know something, please tell me. It
could help catch Seth's killer."

	"I told you, I don't know anything," he shouted. "Please, just go."

	I stood there for a second while he started sniffling, then I
turned and left. I was so confused. What was wrong with Asher? Did he know
something he wasn't saying? Or was he just having the same kinds of doubts
and fears I was? It definitely seemed he wasn't ready to be outted.

	I drove right home and went in to find a note from Adam saying that
he'd be home soon and that Steve was coming with him. They would bring
dinner home with them. I went up to what had become my room and decided to
log on to AOL and see if Kane had emailed me.

	To my surprise there were several from him just since the day
before. The first one simply said that they were back and the ride had been
horrible. The second one was a bit longer. He thanked me again for being
there for him and he said that he felt very close to me. He also said that
he and his mother had had a huge fight. "I just want to get out of here,"
he wrote.

	The last letter though was the real shocker. It had come just
before I signed on.

	"Dear Killian, I'm still fighting with Mom. We've hardly spoken
since I called her a liar at dinner tonight. I'm so confused about
everything. Why would she lie to me? Why does she hate Dad so much? Just
because he's gay? But that doesn't make any sense. He's still the same as
he used to be. I just wish I could live with you guys. Maybe I can. My
friend Chad said he got to choose what parent he wanted to live with when
his parents got divorced. He said I can go to court and fight if Mom won't
let me.
	"Killian, I want to talk to you about something. If I can sneak out
tonight after Mom's asleep, is it ok if I call you? I need to know how you
know if you are gay or not. I wonder if maybe I am too. It's genetic,
right? And Dad and Seth were. And I liked being held by you. I don't
know. I'm just so confused.
	"I'll call you tonight.
	"Love, Kane"