Date: Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:29:08 -0500
From: J Bark <jbark217@gmail.com>
Subject: High School / Bothered, Beloved, and the Beach

Walking like this reminded me of how it all started.
	I was walking along the beach almost a week ago and it was a
complete fluke that I was here, others might call it divine
providence. Either way, when I won a spring break vacation out of every kid
in my high school, I was floored. Two people, out of every school with in a
twenty-five mile radius of one of the local fortune-500s, were chosen to go
on a trip to the company's newest condo. In the process of being built the
condo was the company's newest way to make money and this was their
marketing scheme; market to the public while testing the facilities for
cheap.
	When our names were announced over every type of mass media in the
city, I leaped with glee for about a moment, until I heard the second name
on the list from my school. Zach Haven, the most attractive jack-ass I had
ever met. He was short and thin, with spiky reddish brown hair, and
cheekbones that could slice bread. His eyes were piercing dark blue,
cobalt. Despite all of his incredibly striking features, you couldn't get
past his mouth.
	The first time I met him was in middle school, and we were decent
bus friends. He was actually younger than me so I never saw him in
school. But as we progressed into high school, we did begin to see each
other and his true colors began to show. He began to target me as his new
favorite person to try and bully. He couldn't bully me physically, because
I had about five inches on him and a reputation for being good with my
hands in a fight, so he attempted to bully me mentally. He thought that one
worded jeers were sufficient to break me down, but in the end he gave
up. After about a year of no attempts from him I conceded to the fact that
he had given up for good, but I couldn't help but to focus on him whenever
I saw him. There was a fear and sadness in his eyes that his face couldn't
hide.
	The bus trip to the beach place was one of the longest, all I had
to do was read and try and drown out the nothingness. I couldn't stand
reading or doing anything without some kind of sound going on and I had
taken this opportunity to forget my MP3 player at home. So reading wasn't
work well for me. At one point I glanced over to the seat next to me and
noticed the sharp cheek bones and glossy blue eyes looking at me. Zach
snapped his head back down when he noticed me turning to look, and I glared
at him in an attempt to fend off any on coming attacks.
	The bus rumbled into the parking lot of a condo like set up with
what seemed to be four separate condo sections.
       "Jared Parks?" I looked up at my name and walked to the man who had
said it. He handed me a card key and told me that the bus would be back on
Friday to pick us up.
        Walking up to the front door I slid my card in and the light
flashed green, letting me into the condo that was to be mine and someone
else's for an entire week. Kitchen and living room with two bedrooms
upstairs this place would easily cost someone a pretty penny for the
week. I turned as I heard the door click and looked into those same sharp
blue eyes, and rolled my own.  Apparently they had assigned us condos based
off the school we came from.
	I moved to the bedroom upstairs that I was going to use and dropped
my bag on one of the two beds in there. I was slowly unpacking my clothes
and things when there was a knock at the door.
	"Looks like we are bunking together buddy." The voice was smug and
calm. I turned coolly and gave him the best uncaring face I could.
	"There is another room right there." I gestured across the hall.
	"Yea... but no beds." He said losing his smile.
	"Whatever." I dropped the stuff on my bag, grabbing my trunks and
towel, heading out to the beach.
	"Going to the beach?" He asked me as I turned to pass him out the
door.
	"Nope." I said sarcastically.
	I nearly jumped the last few stairs and burst out the door. The air
was crisp with the smell of salt, a freshness mixing in that only meant
wind from the ocean was rushing around me. It was a smell that I treasured,
and one that I tried to keep locked in my thoughts for easy access. The
beach calmed me; it was a muse to my thoughts and a sedative to my
heart. The beach was directly behind the buildings we were in, and it
struck me how incredibly lucky that we few students were. I decided then
that Zach was not going to ruin my Vacation here.
	The beach was soft white sand, sand that burned your feet as you
walked on it, forcing you to find shade or water. There were reclining
chairs with permanent umbrellas; this was clearly meant to be a
semi-private section of beach. I noticed a few other people, as young as
myself meandering between the water and the chairs; I was not the only one
taking advantage of our first day.
	Laying my towel out on the chair, I slowly sank myself on it and
wound up the umbrella so that I was covered. Closing my eyes, I let the
sound of the waves lapping slowly rock me off to sleep. I had not be out
long when a briskly cool wind suddenly chilled my body and I snapped awake,
looking around slightly disoriented. I was having a half asleep moment as I
started off in to the distance of the beach and realized that someone was
walking towards me, or towards this part of the beach. He was wearing a
pair of somewhat flowing beach pants. White against his tan skin, as my
eyes traveled up his body, they seemed to sink deeply into every
contour. His shoulders were smooth and slightly defined, and his face was
sharp, a very strong face.
	As I blinked my eyes, and squinted to focus, I kicked myself. I had
nearly been drooling over the smug face of Zach.
	When he reached me he smiled at me with what seemed to be a genuine
smile. It confused me in that instance, and I almost smiled back, luckily
the sun forced me to glare.
	"Hey Jared. Want to go for a swim?" He asked softly.
	"Huh? I don't understand you." I said.
	"Look I'm sorry, high school scared me, more then you may know. I
was afraid of what people would think, so I had to act cool and you were
just kind of there."
	"Wow...direct aren't you."
	"Whatever." He said as he stalked away. His apology had touched me
though; he knew why I didn't like him very much. In earnest I did like him,
I always he had, he enticed me into liking him every time his evil grin
spread across his face. It was a deeper pain when his words were filled
with venom, because since middle school a little piece of me had fallen in
love with him.
	I was mulling all this around in my head as I heard someone shout
something in my direction.
	"Hey! Hey Fag...where did you get your pants?" A big lug from one
of the other schools was sitting on a bench surrounded by what seemed to be
two sets of people from the other schools. I looked in their direction
about to answer when I realized that Zach was standing between us and the
big idiot was not talking to me.
	"Keep your stupid comments to yourself, jock!" Zach called back
strongly.
	"Ooo...the fag knows how to talk back. Just hoping to get your
mouth around this aren't you." Why did every pig headed jock think gay guys
want them? It was when he grabbed his shorts and shook, trying to emphasize
his privates, that I nearly chocked laughing.
	"I wouldn't touch your baby dick with your boyfriend's mouth." Zach
said smoothly. Nice one! I never knew that Zach was such a witty
smart-ass. It made me smile as I saw him never budge, even as the big oaf
jumped up and walked briskly over to him.
	"What did you say, faglet?" His face was inches from Zach's and I
saw him shrink back a little.
	"I said; why not take a tic-tac once in awhile." Zach was on the
ground with blood leaking from his lip before had ever finished his
sentence.
	"Excuse me, It's isn't really nice or smart to pick on him." I was
up and standing next to Zach sooner than I knew what I was doing.
	"Go away, this isn't your problem."
	"Yes he is, and you don't get to mess with him. Call it school
pride." I said.
	"I'm warning you."
	"That's nice of you, but I'm ignoring it." The ugly brutish excuse
of a student balled his fist and swung at me all in one move. They were
always predictable! I leaned backwards smoothly and let his had fly by,
overbalancing him. I planted my palm in his side right below his arm pit as
his arm pulled him around. He fell face first into the sand and jumped up
enraged. His swing nearly connected this time but I ducked it and planted a
palm right into his stomach. I had to shake my hand to stifle the sudden
pain, I had to admit, this guy was fit.
	His hand shot out as I stood back up and tried to grab me, the
opportunity I had been waiting on. My left shot out and wrapped tightly
around his wrist. Bending his hand over behind his back, he dropped to his
knees in pure agony.
	"I told you, he is my problem. Now leave him alone or I will break
this hand off and keep it!"  I pushed him and left him panting on his face
in the sand. Turning I helped Zach up and offered him my towel for his lip.
	"I don't want your help!" he said and turned walking back off to
the condo. I didn't think he had a right to be upset with me, not after I
just spared him an ass kicking. His pride maybe wounded but why would he
get that upset with me. I had always taught to stay rational and calm in
all situations, but this was trying my patience. Taking a deep breath I
thought for a second, he had tried to be nice, twice. I had completely
blown him off like we were still in school; he had even apologized for
that. He wasn't upset because I had defended him; he was upset because I
was as much of a jack-ass as he was.
	Gathering my things I decided to go back to the condo and attempt
some damage control, maybe extend my own apology to him. I slid my card-key
into the lock and opened the door. He wasn't down stairs so I trekked my
way upstairs. Looking around I realized that he wasn't there
either. Checking the clock on the stand I realized that it was 5:30,
getting toward time for supper. I decided to use some provisions that they
had provided for the week, and mix up something easy.
	The door clicked open as I stepped on the last stair. Zach and I
were as close as we had been in a long time and there was awkwardness about
the situation so I moved. I side stepped him and he looked sheepishly
toward the ground. I took one more step toward the kitchen and guilt jumped
on back, so I turned and looked at him. He was now walking up the stairs,
almost oozing depression. His foot hit the second step as my hand reached
his shoulder. He shrugged it off and turned to me.
	"Look I'm sorry, I have been a jack-ass today and it may have been
unprovoked. Well, I'm sorry." I looked into his deep blue eyes and I wanted
to walk away. Tears almost swam to my eyes watching as his were glassy with
tears.
	"No it wasn't, you should hate me...I have been nothing but a jerk
to you. I'm the one that should be sorry." He turned to go upstairs,
running an arm across his eyes as he did.
	"Zach, wait. Would you like something to eat? I was about to see
what was in here." I asked hopefully. He stopped on the stair and turned
back to look at me. There was a slight smile on his face as he slowly came
back down the steps.
	As I cooked something from the worst selection of food's and spices
ever, Zach sat at the bar talking to me. He was telling me about his
family, skimming over the top of every person that was worth mentioning.
His mother was somewhat of a drunk, and that was just to deal with his over
bearing obsessive father. He was in top physical form because his father
emphasized 'he wasn't going to have a pansy as son' and because of the time
at the gym his grades were slipping. His mother tried to stay out of the
picture, going to work and coming home; she didn't like the fact that Zach
was a gym rat.
	"And what about you?" I asked slowly, stirring the vegetables and
chicken I had sautéing.
	"What about me?" He said.
	"Well what do you want?" I said pointing the spatula at him
playfully. He smiled and looked down at the glass that was sitting between
his hands.  His fingers slowly played with the glass as he thought about
his answer. My eyes slowly followed his skin, flowing smoothly over his
knuckles to his wrists, it was the first time that I had ever thought that
someone's hands were beautiful. There was a certain grace about his that
made me want to touch them.
	"Well..." I looked up into his eyes, the beautiful blues, which
snapped me out of my thoughts. "...I don't mind the working out thing, but
I don't like my dad. He is obsessive about the entire thing, and he always
goes off on tangents about the girls I should like. It took me awhile
realize that my dad was..." He stood up and walked away toward the living
room. I turned the heat down and followed him.
	"Zach?"
	"...I realized that he was..." He took a deep breath and turned
around with light tears in his eyes. "...a judgmental racist, hateful
bigot, and a chauvinistic ass hole." He said it all so fast that I had to
give myself a second to process what he had said.
	"Oh, Zach..." I said as I moved a little closer, he took a deep
breath...and then surprisingly smiled.
	"That's the first time that I have ever said all of that out loud."
He laughed and took another deep breath. His eyes focused on me as they
glistened with tears. He looked down as a slight blush creped to his face.
	"You know, if nothing else changes after we leave, you can talk to
me when we aren't at school if it helps you?" I said graciously. I was
risking my own humility at school, but if it meant keeping him in my life
one way or another, it would be worth it.
	"Things will change; it's about time that I had a friend that I
could trust. Sometimes I feel like I secretly hate my friends, a little bit
of paranoia." He said with a confused look on his face.
	"That's understandable I guess, not that I'm interrupting you but
why don't we continue this conversation over dinner." I smiled and turned
to go back to the kitchen. I felt it before I realized what happened; his
arms quickly reached around mine and hugged me.
	"Sorry." He said as he let go. I was laughing as I stumbled to
catch my balance.
	"It's ok." I chuckled.
	"So how did you get your reputation?"  I had made it back to the
kitchen when he asked this, and had a couple of plates down to serve us. I
pondered the question as I scooped up what I had made and set the plates
down on the table.
	"What reputation?" I asked innocently.
	"Well..." he flushed looking down. "...rumor has it; you're 'good
with your hands'" Understanding flashed across my eyes as memories flooded
my thoughts. I was a freshman and a friend of a friend thought it would be
humorous to caress my arms while we were all trying to do work. After about
three times of asking him to stop and then warning him, he turned to do it
a fourth time and I snatched his wrist. Spun him around and pinned him to
his desk with his arm twisted behind him. It was fast, and people realized
quickly that I was stronger and faster then I looked, and very few people
messed with me after that.
	We talked the entire night, sitting at the table and then in the
bed room, we continued our conversation asking each other things that only
'best friends' would dive into. It was nice to have rekindled...or
kindled...this relationship with him. I drifted off to sleep almost mid
sentence but was awoken during the night for some reason that sent a chill
across my body. I rolled over and realized that Zach's bed was empty.
	I stood up and left my room and walked down stairs, he was no where
down here. I went back up to the room to grab my sandals when I realized
that the door to the empty room was cracked.  I slowly opened the door and
sighed as I saw Zach standing in front of the big bay window that
overlooked the beach.
	"Zach are you ok?" I asked sleepily.
	I think I heard a sniffle, before he sighed. "No, did I wake you?
I'm sorry." His shoulders slumped and I knew something was bothering him.
	"No...it was something else. What's wrong?" I said.
	"Nothing, I'm just thinking."
	"You sure? Are you thinking about something that we have talked
about tonight?" I moved into the room and walked closer to him but he never
turned around to face me. I assumed that he didn't want me to see him cry.
	"No we didn't talk about it, although I'm surprised, you're
probably the one person I would want to talk about it with." He sighed.
	"Then talk." I tried to sound supportive, when I was thoroughly in
the dark.
	"I'm afraid; I don't want you to think...bad of me." He stuttered a
bit, that made it sound like the tears were coming back.
	"That won't happen." I said as I walked up closer behind him. I
place my hands slowly on his shoulders, working my fingers into them,
massaging the stress that I could feel out of him. He jumped slightly at my
touch but his head quickly drooped as my fingers worked their way through
his stress.
	"Wow, you really are good with your hands." He chuckled as his
joke. I just smiled and continued my massage, knowing that he would tell me
when he felt comfortable.
	"This is why I feel comfortable telling you, because you make me
comfortable. Today has been like nothing else I have ever felt, I have been
happy being here with you, happiest since we made up. I don't know what I'm
trying to say..." He said.
	I did, I was slowly gathering the clues I needed, and had worked
through the idea that he thought that he was gay and was scared of it. The
same thing I dealt with when I was a year or two younger.
	"...I think that I'm trying to say that..."
	"That you're gay?" I asked trying to take the pressure off of him.
	"What? Oh no...I have come to terms with that for a long time now."
He chuckled as I continued to gently rub his shoulders, I was completely
wrong.
	"I think that I am falling in love with you...and if you don't want
to, or don't feel the same way then it is completely fine, and I won't bug
you or anything. I won't hang around or call or any of that...I'm sorry."
His words flew out of his mouth so fast that, I don't even believe a tape
recorder could have caught them all...but I caught what I needed to hear.
	I took my hands off his shoulder and realized that he flinched as
if I had hurt him. But as I slid my hands around his waist, under his arms,
he sighed and leaned back into my chest.
	"Don't you ever apologize, not for love! It is a gift from god, and
it should be treated as such." I whispered into his ear.
	He turned his head, and his cobalt blue eyes locked mine. I leaned
in and slowly melted into his lips, they were warm and gentle. I felt my
heart skip a beat as his lips gently returned the kiss that I gave him.
	We stayed like that for about an hour, by which time the first
light of dawn was beginning to creep up. We left the condo and made our way
to the beach, it was deserted and the waves were gently whispering to
us. Our hands were locked with our fingers intertwined. We walked along the
beach and spoke gently telling each other the secrets that we had kept from
each other for so long. We turned to face the horizon, and I leaned over to
kiss his cheek. It was at that moment that perfect moment, that there was a
flash and the light flooded the world, as the sun crept over the horizon.
	We spent the rest of the week, mostly hand in hand. And every
morning we walked on the beach, whispering our secrets to each other, and
holding hands. Basking in the glorious moment that the sun would bathe us
in light, and we knew our love was real.
	Walking like this reminded me of how it all started.

************************************************************************

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