Date: Wed, 28 Apr 2004 04:18:20 GMT
From: Drew <drewseyboy24@excite.com>
Subject: Brad- Part 4

	I was conflicted. I couldn't figure out which Matt was the real
Matt. From my experiences of him before, I think the pouty second Matt was
the real one, but he'd been damn convincing as the bad guy the day
before. Either way, what I felt from Matt was incredible. I wasn't sure
what I felt about him, but I could feel it in his touch, his caress, his
cock- he felt something for me, I think. I don't understand why. I'm not
particularly good looking. I'm too tall and I'm a bit bulky. Matt is
beautiful, talented, everything. Why would he feel anything towards a
nobody like me? My heart though was torn. I had never felt anything sexual
or romantic for Brad until two days ago. What I felt was real- there's no
denying that; but, what about Matt? I'd had feelings for Matt for a long
time. Granted it was almost purely lust, but feelings nonetheless. I'll
admit my attraction to Matt had been physical, imaginary, and from a
distance. Brad was someone I knew I enjoyed spending time with, he was
funny, and he was adorable. Then Matt inserted himself into the picture. I
was happier with him being only in my mind and at arm's length. But now
that we had shared a moment, I felt for him too. Geez Louise.  It was Chem
Lab day. Two hours of one on one time with Brad. Sometimes I don't think
even God knows what's about to happen to me. I walked in. Brad was already
there, books ready and beginning to start. I put my stuff down across from
him.
	"Hey."
	"Hi."
	Well that went well enough. The rest of the time, we managed to
keep the topics mundane and related to class, but it was tough. Afterwards,
school was over and I was almost breaking out in a run to get away. As I
got to my truck, there was Matt sitting on the tailgate. I pretended not to
notice him. When I sat down, he got in the open doorway. I refused to meet
his gaze.
	"We need to talk."
	That phrase needs to be banned from the English language.
	"No we don't- it happened and it's over."
	"Did you feel anything for me?"
	I shot him a look of 'how can you ask me such a stupid question?'
	"No, now would you get out of my door so I can leave. I'm going to
be late."
	"For what? It's Thursday- that means your fuck buddy is in the
lab. Maybe we should go pay him a visit. Mr. Fulmer is back and I'm sure
he'd love to hear the story."
	"He's not my.........and no we're not going to 'pay him a visit.'"
	"Oh Andrew, harder, harder, oh yeah fuck me harder. Geez. How can I
get that line out of my head? I want to hear it again."
	"Forget it."
	"I can't. Now, your punishment is not over."
	"Oh drop the tough guy routine you fucking cry baby."
	He drew his hand back and before I could put my hand up, he slapped
me. Not just a little tap, he back handed bitch slapped me. I was so mad I
wanted to beat the ever-living shit out of him. But, we were on school
property and I'd be in a world of trouble trying to explain why he and I
were in a fight in the parking lot. A couple of freshman girls saw it. Matt
glared at them. I don't know what come over me, but I kicked him square in
the balls and then kicked him in his chest. He fell backwards into the
empty space next to my truck. I shut the door and drove away. The girls
kept walking. Matt laid there. I'm sure his beautiful, well shaped, well
groomed balls were hurting something fierce. I'm also sure that this would
not be the end of it for me.
	That night, I was sitting in my room brooding over Matt. I had
permission from Brad to go through with my time with Matt, but I hadn't
expected to actually feel anything. But at least I could be sure that Brad
wouldn't abandon me, not that I'd ever tell him what I was just
thinking. After all, there was no way any of the three of us could deny
that Brad wanted me. As I sat brooding, there was a light knock on my door.
	"Who is it?"
	"It's your mother."
	"What do you want?" I snapped.
	"There's someone here to see you." She replied poking her head
through the half opened door.
	"Who is it?"
	"Your friend Brad. He seems pretty upset about something. Is
everything okay?"
	"Everything's fine."
	I could tell from her expression she knew I was lying, but couldn't
do anything about it. Mothers do that, you know. I went downstairs and
retrieved Brad from my sister's curious gaze. We went upstairs to my room
and shut the door. His eyes were red and puffy. I feared the absolute
worst- whatever that could conceivably be at the moment. I said nothing, I
just sat him down on the bed, and I pulled up the chair from my desk and
sat facing him. I figured that this was not going to be a steamy sex
moment. I still didn't say anything, I just sat and watched him. He looked
in to my eyes with a deep look of hurt and suffering.
	"Matt came to the lab this afternoon. He told me what happened
yesterday between you and him." Brad sniffled loudly.
	"What did he say?"
	"He told me what you did. He said you loved him, always had, always
would. He said that you fucked him better than anyone. He said that I
should just give up because I can't compete with him. I thought he was
lying, but after he told me what you said and what you did, I'm not so
sure."
	"What did I say and do?"
	"He told me that you used to jack off to a mental picture of him
but not me. He said that you had feelings for him for years but not for
me. He said you kissed him like a lover kisses. I've seen the way you look
at him. Before I asked you and even now."
	I was dumbfounded- partly at Brad's gullibility and partly at the
fact that he wasn't wrong. Everything Matt had told him was true. His
interpretation was questionable, but the facts weren't untrue.
	"So," Brad continued, "I know that he's right. I can't compete with
him. You've had feelings for him, you obviously enjoyed your time with him
yesterday, I understand that, and I accept that. So, I know that it's best
if we just were friends. You and Matt can start a relationship if you want,
I won't interfere."
	"Are you breaking up with me?" I couldn't believe what I was
hearing. "What did Matt say to you?"
	"We were never together- we we just screwing around, right?"  I
don't really know what you'd call what we were doing.
	"Did he say anything else?"
	"Like what?"
	"I don't know."
	Brad knew something was up with me even though I didn't even know
what it was. "You do have feelings for him, don't you?"
	'What is with the feelings all of a sudden?' I asked myself.
	"I don't know what I think. Why can't we just have fun and not
worry about the rest of it."
	"No, and I'm not going to be your consolation prize."
	"God, Brad, that's the last thing you are. You should never be a
consolation prize for anyone. You are better than that, you deserve better
than that. You were first- that means Matt would be the consolation prize
for you not vice versa."
	"I'm only first because I asked first. You'd have fucked Matt first
had he asked, you hoar."
	Now that last word stung. "Only because I wouldn't have known you
were interested."
	"So your just for the asking?"
	"That's not what I meant and you know it."
	"I'm leaving." He announced and stood up.
	"Don't."
	"I can't stay with someone who'll do it with anyone who asks."
	"But you said I could, just so Matt wouldn't rat us out."
	"But you weren't supposed to fall in love with him."
	"What? Huh? I didn't. Brad, no, wait, you..."
	"Whatever. I'm outta here."
	He walked out of my door. I knew better than to follow. First, my
parents aren't stupid, they would have known something more than just
consoling was going on between he and I if I'd called after him or chased
him down. Second, that would have strengthened Brad's resolve against me
because he would have seen that as an act of desperation- which it would
have been. So, I sat and did nothing but stare at the floor. This had been
a week for the personal history books not soon to be forgotten and I still
had Friday to go. I sat in silence for a while until there was a light tap
on the door.
	"Who is it?"
	"Mom. Can I come in? We need to talk."
	I whispered to myself, 'you've got to be shitting me.'
	"Come in."
	She quickly opened the door, entered, and closed it softly behind
her.
	"Is Brad going to be okay?" she asked.
	"He'll be fine. He made a C on a history quiz. Apparently
Appomattox has two p's." She didn't catch my lame attempt at humor.
	"Well, lucky for you your Dad was out in the garage working on
Mrs. Bentley's push mower, so he didn't hear what you and Brad were talking
about. But I did."
	"How much?"
	"Enough. Son, you know we love you. You know we would stop at
nothing to keep you safe. Your father and I also know that you are who you
are and there's nothing we can do about that."
	I have never been so tense, or humiliated, or embarrassed in my
whole life before or since as I was that moment with my mother standing
over me as I sat backwards in a chair staring at my bed refusing to budge
while tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't help it. I was the third
person in as many days I'd heard make that nasty wet sniffling sound. What
was happening to me? Was I becoming a sissy like the rest of the world? I
hoped not, my dad would kill me. My mother continued to stand, looking
pitifully down at the back of my downcast head with her arms crossed.
	"Would you please sit?" I gurgled. She sat on the edge of the bed,
right where Brad had been sitting just minutes before. She adjusted her
blouse, pleated slacks, and put her hands in her lap. She still kept that
pitiful look trained on me. I looked away but I don't remember what I was
looking at so intently.
	"Who is Matt?" she whispered.
	I didn't answer.
	"Is he a good person?"
	Still no response on my end.
	"Does he love you?"
	"I don't know." I whispered shamefully. I suddenly realized I had
no idea what Matt was really like. Was he a nice guy? Was he a mean,
vindictive bastard? Did he love me? That I had even less of a clue about.
	"I don't know what to say. I thought I knew my own son, but I was
wrong. I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry you turned out this way. I'd
hoped you'd be a good person, but from what Brad said, I just don't know
anymore."
	"What do you mean?"
	"Your father is not known to be the gentlest spirit on earth. If he
finds out, you may end up out of here. I can't stand in his way. If he
kicks you out, there's nothing I can do about it. Your sister also didn't
overhear, so only I know about it and I think it's best if it stays that
way."
	I didn't reply. She sat there for a few more minutes just looking
at me. I looked up and saw tears in her eyes. I knew I had hurt her. I had
hurt my own mother in a way sick enough that only I could manage to do it.
	"Tell me about Matt." She asked through the phlegm, "What does he
look like?"
	"Medium height, dark blonde hair, plays varsity baseball, almost
straight A's, manages the Biology Lab, son of a Federal judge." My tears
were receding a little as I described Matt to my Mom.
	"So he's not...um...effeminate." She said with obvious relief.
	"No."
	"So, he could come home with you and meet us as a normal friend and
your father wouldn't think he was gay?"
	"No one thinks he's gay. He's not gay. His life would be over if
people ever thought that. He's one of the most popular, sought after guys
in school."
	She sighed and stood up, turned towards the door. She walked a few
steps, stopped and turned around. "I love you." She said and walked slowly
out of the door, closing it softly behind her. I sat there in the chair
staring at the edge of my bed. 'I love you.' I couldn't remember if she'd
ever said that to me before. If she had, it hadn't registered. I could feel
a surge of emotion flying up out of my stomach. I broke down. I couldn't
take it anymore. I just lay down on the bed and cried like a little girl-
damned emotions.

Never fear: there's sex in the next installment- I promise. ;-)
       ~Drew.