Date: Fri, 8 Sep 2006 12:39:24 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steve Smith <way_closeted@yahoo.com>
Subject: Brads and Me

This story is dedicated to my friend, Tony - a beautiful person who, out of
nowhere, found me and sensed my torment and has helped me admit who I am, -
bisexual - and not to feel bad about it.  This story is completely true,
and Tony was the only person who I have felt comfortable enough telling it
to, and admitting to myself that this actually happened, having suppressed
it in my memory for 30 years. When I told Tony this story, he encouraged me
to write about it.  I think he thought it would be cathartic for me to do
so.  I think he was right. I remember most of the details as if they
happened yesterday, although some of them have been blurred either by the
passing of time - or just happened so quickly that I'm not sure exactly how
things happened.

I am a married man with a beautiful wife, and 2 wonderful, teenage
children. We are, for all intents and purposes, a model family - we are
happy, I am a reasonably successful professional, we have a nice, middle
class house, we are close with our families, and we are involved and
respected in our community. We have everything most people strive for, but
I have this deep dark secret to go with it. Therefore, I am deeply
closeted, and rather fearful that anybody who knows me will ever find out
the real truth.

 I was a "late bloomer" in the dating and sex department, and it did cross
my mind once or twice that perhaps I was gay - I was also not into sports
and "macho" things as a child, played the piano and enjoyed classical
music, so, as is often the case, with boys like me, was sometimes teased by
my classmates- but we all know teenage boys can be just plain mean, and
that those things don't necessarily mean anything.  I had sex with one girl
before I met the girl who would ultimately become my wife, and once I met
her our sex life was so wonderful, that any thoughts I may have had about
being gay were completely erased. That is, of course, until the internet
reared its ugly head, and out of curiosity, I started looking at gay sites
- then with more frequency, and with more intrigue.  The silver lining in
that cloud is that is how I met Tony - completely by accident in a gay
chatroom.  We chat on-line or speak almost every day, and he puts a smile
on my face every time we do. Don't we all need somebody in our lives who
does that to us?  He is my closest friend, even though we have never met.

There was, however, one series of incidents, which I dismissed as being
adolescent experimentation - until now - and that is the subject of my
story.

I was 17 years old.  A senior in High School.  Some family friends moved
into our community, and they had a son my age who was going to school with
me. I took him under my wing - showed him around - introduced him to my
friends - and used to drive him to and from school because he didn't have
his own car.  We had many interests in common and became instant best
friends (much to the chagrin of my other best friend - who I could sense
was jealous - but I did make sure we all did stuff together as much as I
could.  They both had the same name - Brad - but they never became
friends.)  He (the new Brad - Brad #2 ) was also very good looking, and
many of the girls in our class were instantly attracted to him, until they
got to know him.  Unfortunately, he was and still is very egocentric and
narcissistic.

About 3 or 4 months after we met, we decided to take a road trip to a place
about 200 miles away. Because I felt bad about Brad #1, we invited him to
come along too - but he decided to fly there, and was meeting us the
following morning. Brad #2 and I were leaving early in the morning, so he
slept over at my house the night before on a cot in my room When we were
going to sleep, I started to sense an attraction to him that I hadn't felt
before.

During the whole drive, the mood was very "cozy".  We were starting to get
to know each other on a deeper level - the conversation inevitably started
to veer towards our previous love-lives (such as they were) - the girls I
had crushes on over the years - the girlfriend he told me he left behind in
his old hometown, and how "far" they had gotten - (not very far) and
general conversation that drew us closer and more intimate with one
another. I could just feel myself being drawn to this person in a very
tender way.

That night - in the hotel room - we got into bed. We were both wearing just
briefs.  We were in twin beds, separated by a nightstand - a typical hotel
room. But neither of us was ready to go to sleep, and you could begin to
cut the sexual tension with a knife. We continued the discussion from that
morning regarding dating, girls, etc.  We were both virgins. The
conversation then progressed to "touchy-feely" topics like feelings, our
friendship, and how quickly we had become so close, and how we both felt
that we could share anything with one another.  It was obvious that we were
both steering the conversation in the same direction.  We then started
talking about masturbation - admitting to each other that we both did it. I
remember saying that I felt so comfortable with him, I could probably
masturbate in front of him.

Bingo! He took the bait and suggested we do it.  I remember pulling the
covers back - I'm sure it was at lightning speed - but felt like it was in
slow motion - and watching him do the same.  We both pulled our undies down
to our knees - I remember as I saw his cock come into view. It was probably
around 6.5 inches, and appeared straight as an arrow. We are both cut.  My
heart was beating so loud, I'm sure he could hear it.  I remember watching
his technique - which was slightly different to mine.  I put my whole palm
around my cock and stroked back and forth - he just used his thumb and
forefinger. It didn't take me long before I came all over my chest and
stomach.  To my disappointment, he took a Kleenex, and came into it.  He
would later tell me that the reason he did that was because he was so
aroused, he thought his shot would hit the wall behind him and that would
have embarrassed him.

We cleaned up, and got back into our beds - but were clearly still not
ready to call it a night. We talked about what had just happened - we both
felt good about it, and told each other that we now felt even closer to
each other.  The conversation somehow turned to our cocks. I believe it was
me - I commented that mine curves to the right - yet his is straight.  Was
I normal?  I pulled down my undies again and showed him He responded by
telling me that everyone curves one way, or the other, and that he curves
up. He then showed me his again.  I said, "Really?.  It looks perfectly
straight to me - I thought you were curving it up as you were stroking it".
To which he responded, "no - it curves - I can't straighten it.  Come over
and see for yourself".  Well, I didn't have to be asked twice.  I got out
of bed - went over to his bed - and felt his cock. He felt mine. Enough
electricity to light the hotel must have passed through our bodies at that
time, because the next thing I remember was lying on top of him, the two of
us locked in a passionate embrace, our cocks grinding against each other's,
and kissing so hard that I could have taken out his tonsils with my tongue.
I actually remember feeling his teeth pressing against mine - we wee trying
to inhale one another so much. And then, even though it had only been about
10 minutes since our first orgasms, we exploded simultaneously all over and
between our stomachs. We then lay in each other-s arms not saying anything
for a while - I don't remember how long - but it was a feeling like none
other that I had ever felt before.  We told each other that we loved each
other.  I eventually went back into my bed, and we went to sleep - because
we had to get up early the next morning to pick up Brad #1 from the
airport.  Of course, once Brad #1 arrived, we had to act as normal as
possible)

The next night in the hotel room, Brad #1 slept in a cot on the other side
of me.  After it appeared that Brad #1 was asleep - Brad #2 and I found
each other's hands in the dark across the gap between our beds, and started
caressing each other.  We then leaned across even more - and kissed. We
then put our hands under the others' covers - pulled each others' cocks out
of our undies, and jerked each other off - trying to be as quiet as
possible. I have always wondered if Brad #1 was awake, and if he was, could
he have known anything funny was going on?

We went home the next night. Nothing more happened for the rest of that
trip.

About a week later, we were baby-sitting my younger sister at my house - we
were meant to be doing school work - but after she went to sleep, we kissed
and jerked each other off again. I loved kissing him.  He had the sweetest
breath.

A week after that - we were baby-sitting his younger brothers - and the
same thing happened - only I remember that time he asked me if I had ever
sucked a cock.  Of course I hadn't - I had never done anything with anyone
other than him.  I asked him the same thing - he hadn't - and we offered
our cocks to each other.  I remember he sucked mine first - it felt
incredible.  He sucked just for a minute - I didn't cum.  Then I sucked his
- I remember he wasn't completely hard. I think he was really scared that
this was making him gay - even though every time we brought up the subject,
we would assure each other that this didn't mean we were gay - just
experimenting.

Our escapades ended about a week after that, when we went away again for a
couple of nights to look at a college he was interested in in another city.
His dad was going there on a business trip, and we all went together.  His
dad stayed in one room, and we in another.  When it was time for bed - I
wanted to fool around - but he didn't want to.  I thought that he was
starting to feel very guilty about what we were doing. What I would figure
out years later, when he came out - was that he must have been realizing at
that point that he was gay, and was fighting it (as opposed to me, who I
now realize, was just denying it).  I know he felt bad, but he eventually,
reluctantly, gave me a pity cuddle and jerk, and then we went to sleep in
our own beds. - After that - his attitude changed completely.  We barely
said a word to each other on the plane home.  He became very distant from
me.  For a while he started to hang out with some of my friends without me,
although in time we did become friends again, but never the same. I was
very hurt for a while - but got over it.

We never discussed what happened, except for briefly in passing a few years
later when he told me he was gay, and told me that what had happened didn't
mean I was.  We both left the city we were living in then - but
coincidentally have ended up living in the same place now (as does Brad #1)
We see each other from time to time - he knows my wife, and will come over
for holiday dinners sometimes. I often wonder if he even remembers what
happened. He often tells me he doesn't remember things that happened in
high school.

That was my only experience with a man.  I have been married for over 20
years, and don't plan on ruining the life I have by having a casual
encounter with some man, so it will probably remain my only encounter.  It
is with immense pain and guilt that I carry around these secrets, and wish
it wasn't so.  But the last thing I want to do, is to hurt the people
around me whom I love.

Ton-Ton - thank you for letting me share my secrets with you. You are the
only one who knows the real me. You have helped me and have had a bigger
impact on my life than you can possibly realize. You have shown me how to
be proud of who I am, rather than ashamed. I love you.