Date: Mon, 6 May 2002 19:28:52 -0400
From: Alex Bright <adisoc007@msn.com>
Subject: The Journal Chapter 3

Author
Alex Nelson

Title
Broken Facades: The Journal

Chapter 3
Questions, No Answers


"Leann, are you still there?" Meredith said

"Yes, I am; wow, I'm just a little surprised to hear you. How are you, I'm
so glad you called; Daniel and I have been so worried about you."

"I know but you don't have anything to worry about," Meredith said as she
stopped in mid sentence. "Remember when he said if I ever need to talk to
him, just call?"

"Yes, I remember, we both said that if you ever need us, just call."

"Well...I...I...really need to speak to Daniel."

"Oh ok, do know what you want to speak to Daniel about?"

"I want to talk to him about ...about Justin."

____________________________________________________________________________

"I'LL KILL HIM!!!"

"Alisa, it's ok...really," Heath said with a smile as he again got a chance
to see Alisa's tough girl persona, funny he thought to himself.

"No, it's not, Heath, it's not ok. I really don't know what is wrong with
Bradley. Ever since Justin died he has turned into a different person. He
has become withdrawn, and cranky...he's not going to class. All he does is
go to Justin's grave for hours and sit there. I am scared I am going to
lose him, because it is starting to affect our relationship."

RING...RING

"Excuse me for a second," she said as she looked at her cell phone to see
who was calling her. "Hey, it's Tony," she said as she clicked her phone
on. "This better be good to interrupt me while I am going on a rant."

"Uh Oh, what did Brad do now?" Tony said as he started to laugh

"Nothing, just insulted Heath and I'm pissed off, so if you see him tell
him he and I are going to have a very long talk, because I am getting tired
of his crap."

"Oh shit, when you talked to Heath, Alex and I are looking for him. God, I
hope Brad didn't upset him...dam it," Tony said, sounding worried.

"Don't worry, he didn't. He took it well," she said, smiling at Heath.

"Good, which way did Heath head to, we've got to find him. Alex and I need
to talk to him about something he did."

"Well, you won't have to look far, he's standing right next to me in front
of Tracers."

"WHAT!  Don't fucking move, Alex and I are on the way," Tony shouted and
hung up.

"Tony...Tony...Tony... what is wrong, you're scaring me. Shit...What the
fuck, he hung up."

"What...What happened?" Heath asked

"I don't know, all he said was he and Alex needed to talk to you about
something that you did, then told me not to move," Alisa said as she looked
at Heath and placed her phone in her purse.

"Oh shit...I think I am in trouble," Heath said, starting to look a little
upset.

"Its ok, Heath, I'm sure it's nothing. Tony always over exaggerates
things. What ever you did couldn't be that bad?" Alisa said, trying to
cheer him up.

"Well...I kind of gave Justin's Journal to someone."

"What do you mean, kind of...Heath?"

"Well... I gave it to someone who needed it more than me right now," Heath
said, looking away.

"Heath, who did you give it to?" Alisa said, now looking concerned. "You
didn't give it to Brad, did you?"

"No, not Brad...Someone who needs it just as bad as I at first did," Heath
said, now looking down at his feet

Suddenly Alisa's eyes widened once she realized she knew he had given it
to, "Heath, you didn't..."

"I gave it to Justin's mom."

"Oh...Shit!!!"

____________________________________________________________________________

"Meredith, I'm sure Danny would love to talk to you about Justin, let me go
get him."

"No, don't get him...I...I...need to talk to him in person."

"Sure, let me check his schedule and see what day I can put you to come in
for."

"Ah, Leann, it is not that kind of talk. I don't need Daniel in that way."

"Oh...well, when were you wanting to come by?"

"Today...right now...If I could come by as soon as possible."

"Wow, ok, sure, Danny and I were just getting ready to head out to lunch,
but I could tell him you're on your way, we'll just push our lunch back a
bit."

 "No, wait, you don't have to do that; I could be there after you get back
from lunch. That way that will give you two some time."

"Ok, let's say after 2 then."

"After 2 is fine and thank you for agreeing to see me on such short
notice."

"That's no problem, Meredith; I know Danny will be looking forward to
seeing you. Ok, Bye," Leann said as she slowly hung up the phone, wondering
what Meredith wanted to talk about to her husband.

"Babe, are you ready, Leann?" Daniel asked as he walked over to his wife.

"What...I'm sorry, sweetheart, what did you say?

"I just asked if you were ready."

"Yes, I am," she said as she reached for her purse. still wondering what
Meredith wanted to talk about.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine. I was just wondering about something."

"What?" Daniel asked as he reached for his wife's hand.

"Well, you have an appointment in an hour."

"I do?" Daniel said, looking puzzled as he reached for his appointment
book. "I didn't see anything in the books this morning. Who is it?" he
said, now wondering who it could be.

"Meredith Kemper."





"Heath, you didn't, please tell me you didn't give Meredith Justin's
Journal," Alisa asked

"Well, I did, ever since I found out what Justin's mom has been going
through, it's been eating me up inside. I felt like I had to help her get
through this."

"But, Heath, you don't know her."

"Alisa, you don't understand, I do know her. My mother and I have never
been close, in fact when I came out, my family pretty much turned their
backs on me, they give me money for school and all but that's it.  Before
Justin died he talked every day to me about his mom, his dad, Alex, Tony,
Brad, and you and you all became my new family. And to tell you the truth,
the stories that he told me about the people in his life were enough, that
I really didn't need to read his Journal to know you all, reading it just
filled in a few spots," Heath said with a smile, "It's...it's like I grew
up right here in this town with you all as part of his family through the
good times and bad times."

"Heath, sweetheart, I don't doubt that you know a lot about us, probably
more than we want you to, but you only know her through her dead son's
eyes. And honey, Tony, Alex, I, and even Brad decided never to tell anyone
outside of our circle that Justin was gay. We just think it is best that it
stay between us. Besides, neither Tony, Alex, or I ever read Justin's
Journal, we don't know what is in it, what if it hurts Meredith? I mean,
not only is she going to find out that her dead son was gay, but she may
find some things about us that she might not like. As well as have you
thought what Steven is going to say?"

"I know you guys don't know what is in his Journal, yes, there are some
things that she will learn about all of us, but trust me, it will do her
good to hear from Justin. Do you remember what I was like before I started
reading it, then a day later after I started reading it?"

"Yes... I remember, we were so worried about you," she said as she touched
Heath's face, wondering if he could be right.

"I can't believe I wanted you guys to take it, along with all of Justin's
stuff. God, that was a very bad time for me then..." At that moment Heath
thinks back to the day after he found Justin's Journal...

"You didn't forget the key again, like yesterday, did you?"  Alex said with
a smile while Tony just snickered

"No, I didn't forget the key again, god, you'd think I'm that dumb. Gee,
Alex, to forget it for a second day in a row," Alisa said as she reached
into her purse. "And you be quiet," she said to Tony with a smile.

"What, I didn't say a thing," Tony said, trying not to smile.

"Well, you two need to stop picking on me. You both should be thanking me
for talking Heath into keeping Justin's stuff.  I just hope he left the
apartment since yesterday. I think he should at least go shopping some time
soon. I mean, it's been about a month since we left him alone and we get
here yesterday and there's barely any food in the house. We shouldn't have
left him alone."

"I know, Alisa, but the three of us couldn't take off any more from school
and he has to start to move on," Alex said, reaching for Alisa's hand.

"I'm just worried about him, and, guys, I still think he should go and see
Dr. Dan."

"Alisa, between the three of us we are making sure that he's ok...some of
us more than others," Alex said with a smile as he looked at Tony

"Hey, I just worry about the little bugger." Tony said, looking down at his
feet.

"And I thought I was the mother hen with Brad...10 times in one day, Tony,"
Alisa said with a snicker as she reached for Tony's hand and started to
open the door.

"Hey, I just had to be sure he was ok, I can't believe that little shit
counted," Tony said with a smile as he walked into the apartment.

"Heath, Heath..." Alisa said as she and Alex and Tony walked into the room.

"Just a minute, guys, grab something to drink, I'll be out in a second,"
Heath said to the three of his visitors. The three of them looked at each
other as Alex and Alisa sat down and Tony went to the refrigerator to grab
something to drink for the three of them.

"Wow, I guess he did get out. He's got food and drinks," Tony said as he
grabbed a coke for himself and Alex and Alisa.

"Look, the shades are open," Alisa said, looking around

"And there is more food in the frig ," Tony said as he sat down.

"Hey, guys," Heath said with a smile. "I'm so happy you guys are here,"
Heath said as he sat down, still smiling as he started to hug Alisa.

"Heath, bro, you didn't overtake your meds, did you?" Alex asked with a
look of concern.

"Ha, he, he, Alex, you're so funny," Heath said as he hugged Alex, then
Tony, and then Alisa again.

"Alisa, check his eye...you're not rolling, are you?" Tony said

"No, Tony, I'm not on any drugs, prescribed or otherwise," Heath said
laughing, " I am just high on life and enjoying the company of my best
friends."

"Now I know you're on something," Alex said, looking concerned.

"Guys, seriously, there is nothing wrong with me," Heath said, still
smiling.

"Heath, I am glad you are in a great mood, but we are kind of finding it
hard to believe that in one day you could go from total depression to total
elation," Alisa said, walking aver to Heath and gently touching his face.

"Yea, buddy, I know we're glad that you are feeling better, but what's
going on?" Tony said with a look of concern.

"Guys, I'm alright now, wait...I'll show you what's going on," he said as
he quickly ran into his bedroom. "Well, remember when you guys got here
yesterday and I was like totally depressed," Heath shouted out to his three
friends while still in his room.

"Yea, Heath, we remember," Tony said, shouting to Heath while he looked at
Alisa and Alex puzzled.

"Guys, this is way too weird," Alisa said in a whisper, "Now, I am really
worried."

"I know but let's see what's gotten him in this mood, before we try to
commit him," Alex said, now also starting to look worried too.

Suddenly, Heath came running out of his bedroom carrying something. "And
then remember I wanted you to take everything out of the house so that it
wouldn't remind me of Justin, well, I am kind of glad that you
didn't...because I found this," he said as he held up Justin's Journal. "I
started reading it and well, guys, it's like hearing from Justin. It's like
I got a piece of him back last night.  All of my questions and fears, well,
most of them anyways, got answered."

"Wow, that is so great, we are so happy for you," Alisa said as she pulled
him into a hug.

"Wait a minute, is that the same journal that Dr Dan made him write in
right after...you know?" Alex asked Heath.

"Yep," Heath said with a smile. "I'm finding out a lot of very interesting
things about the three of you," Heath said with a wicked smile that made
the three of them look at each other, wondering what was in the Journal...

Suddenly Alisa brings him back to reality, "Heath, I remember how you were
before you started reading Justin's Journal and how you are now but..."

"But what, Alisa; I'm happier, I'm trying to move on. Months ago, I'll tell
you, it wasn't easy and I just felt like sitting at home, and doing
nothing, and at one point I wanted to die and almost did. But now I am
starting to get back to class, I am trying to get out and do things. I love
that Tony and Alex kidnapped me and brought me here and I mean I love being
here.  It's nice and all, but it also hurts being here, it hurts like
hell."

"Why, why does it hurt?" Alisa said as she reached for Heath's hand.

"It hurts, because I want to be a part of this and I am not. No one here
knows me. I know everyone here in this town, but don't. I can't talk to
them; I can't tell them who I am. I wasn't in this part of Justin's
world. And for a while I didn't know if I wanted to. But now I think I now
have a chance to. I want to be a part of this part of his world so bad, the
part where I... I can talk about when you guys got your glasses or got your
braces or started high school or be able to talk about the big fight or
call Brad Bear.  You'll never know how much it has hurt knowing about this
part of his world and not being a part of it? And the bad part has always
been because I knew about you all and everyone in it, but you all never
knew about me. I think if I can help Justin's mom get better by showing her
my Justin and our world. then the world that I lost when he died could be
replaced by the part that I never got to be involved in."

Suddenly Tony appeared and reached and gently touched Heath's shoulder,
"But at what cost, Heath, what cost are you willing to pay to fully
experience and be a part of Justin's world, because you might just destroy
the world that you are desperately trying to become a part of."





"When is she coming in, what time did she call, I don't understand, what
did she say...?"

"Easy, honey, don't get so excited," LeAnn said with a smile.

"Don't get excited, baby; I finally got a breakthrough with Meredith..."

"Honey, wait, she is not coming in for a session," Leann said, now getting
serious.

"Then what is she coming in for?"

"She wants to talk to you about Justin; I think she wants to ask you some
questions about him. What do you think it could be about?"

"Well, I don't know, but if it is about our sessions I can't tell her
anything." Daniel said as he started to remember the sessions that he and
Justin talked about.

"Do you have any idea what she could want?"

"I have no idea."

"Maybe she want to talk to you about what you and Justin used to talk about
during your sessions, what did you two talk about?"

"Honey, you know I can't talk about my sessions, even if the person has
passed away."

"Daniel, I know, but I know how much you want to help that
family...remember, I know how you felt about Justin."

"I loved that kid, he was like the little brother that I never had. I
should have never gotten that close."

"Baby, that's what makes you a great doctor, because you care. I know how
much it hurt you and how much you still hurt, but you can't change your
ways and how you deal with the people that you try to heal. What makes you
such a good doctor is that you care and sometime like what happened with
Justin, it hurts, but I think the rewards are greater."

"How did you get so wise?" Daniel said as he slowly pulled his wife closer
for a hug.

"From watching and listening to you, now let's go eat, so we can get back
in time to get ready to help our friend."





"Yes sir, can I help you?" the attendant asked the young man who looked
like he hasn't shaved in a while as he checked into the bus station
counter.

"One way ticket, please." The Young man answers as he steps up to the
booth.

"What destination are you trying to get to, sir?"

"It doesn't matter, anywhere that's far away from people." The attendant
looked at the young man, "Most people are trying to run to the big city,
not away," he said with a smile.

"Well, I'm not like most people."

So sad, the attendant thinks, "And your name, Sir?"

"Justin...I mean Mitchell Kemper." he said as he showed his ID.