Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2011 09:25:05 -0400
From: Ty McConkey <messenger_of_memory@hotmail.com>
Subject: Broken ch 3

Broken

Chapter 3: What is Love?


Chapter Three


His head hurt, physically, but it was more of a mental pain. Why had he
kissed Kyle back? Why hadn't he fought back harder? Allen lay in bed
exhausted but unable to sleep, remembering the previous night. He was
scared to close his eyes, images of what happened played through his
head. Just the mere thought made his stomach turn and his body to shudder.

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud buzzing noise. It took himself a
minute to actually realize that it was his alarm clock going off.

He turned the alarm off and got out of bed. He slipped into a quick shower
to try and revive a little of what was left of himself. The shower hurt at
first but the pain soon became a dull feeling.

He got out and dried himself off, walked from the bathroom back to his room
to dress. He didn't care what he wore, he just threw on the first things he
managed to grab.

By the look of the clock he had three quarters of an hour left before
school started for the day, lots of time to eat but he wasn't hungry. If he
have had an appetite; he wouldn't have been able to keep anything down.

He decided to just head to school early, hoping that his stomach would
start to feel better. He grabbed his keys and left, heading towards school.


As he lay in his bed he reflected and noted that it had been a night he
wouldn't be forgetting for a while at least. He had gotten what he
wanted. He wanted more and he'd make sure he got it or someone would
pay. He couldn't believe that his plan had actually worked or the fact that
Allen was gay. Only the easier it became to get to his goal. His thoughts
drifted back to last night, he smiled. He definably wouldn't forget it, nor
would Allen. He would do anything to see that he got what he wanted, he
wouldn't think twice.


Allen approached his locker, got his books ready then left and went to the
cafeteria to sit until the first bell rang. He put his head down to rest
and the next thing he knew he was being woken up by someone shaking him. It
was surely not who he expected. He had expected Matt, hell maybe even Kyle
but not the VP. The man stood looming over him and he wasn't looking happy.

"Mr. Sebastian, the cafeteria is not your personal bedroom. I want you in
the office now. I'll be there shortly to deal with you"

He didn't even wait, the VP moved quickly on to harass some other students
that just were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Isn't that always how
it was?


*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***


The whole day had gone by and Matt hadn't seen Allen once. He and Allen
normally shared math, gym and history classes and Allen showed up for none
of them. Matt hoped he was okay. Matt forgot to call him last night, after
talking, no, more like fighting with Jen. He had been worn out. He had only
been trying to rest his eyes but he succumbed to sleep quickly. He hoped
that nothing bad happened last night and that Allen made it home in one
piece. He'd go check on him before he went home. Maybe he'd bring him some
soup or something to make him feel better. The last bell finally rang
knocking him out of his thoughts and becoming fully awake. He started
packing up his book bag and left the classroom. He dropped his books off in
his locker and left the school. It was like a ten to fifteen minute walk
home depending how fast he walked. He ran up to his room and threw his bag
on his bed before he ran back out towards Allen's house.

He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. There wasn't one. He
opened the door and called out Allen's name. Still, there wasn't an answer,
so he made his way up to Allen's bedroom door.

It was ajar about a foot so he stepped inside.  Lying on the bed, sound
asleep, was Allen. That was the reason why he hadn't answered Matt when he
knocked. As Matt took another step into the room he noticed that Allen
looked troubled and in pain. He didn't want to wake him; it looked like he
really needed sleep. Without thinking on his part, Matt bent down and
kissed Allen's forehead, and pulled more of the cover on top of Allen.

"Sweet dreams" he whispered as he left the room.

He went downstairs and seen the dishes from the mess they'd left the night
before and decided to make Allen the soup he'd thought of earlier. That is
what his mom normally did for him, and well, with Allen's parents out of
the picture, it was up to Matt to make sure he was taken care of.  He still
couldn't believe that Allen's parents were never around; they were missing
out on everything that was happening in Allen's life. When they first
started going away it had been on short trips but over time they grew
longer. Matt used to miss the short trips Allen's parents took. During
them, Allen would stay at his house with his family and Allen was happy, he
knew his parents would be back soon. But now, it was like they were gone
for good.  It hurt Matt to see Allen so hurt. Allen may think no one saw it
but his eyes give it away to Matt every time their eyes connected.

Making the soup wasn't that hard, just open a can of good old chicken
noodle soup and pour it into a pot. After that it was a simple turn on the
stove knob to warm the soup, anyone could have done it.  He poured the soup
into a bowl and placed it along with some sodium crackers on a tray and
took it up to Allen.  He didn't wake him, just left the tray beside the bed
for when he did wake up on his own. He went downstairs and cleaned up and
wrote a note to Allen telling him if he needed anything to call.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

It seemed like he had been running forever, he was afraid to slow down or
stop.  He'd be caught if he did, it'd surely mean the worse.  He couldn't
fall prey to him again, he wouldn't survive, he wouldn't want to.  It was
pitch dark, there were no lights, as he ran he hoped that he didn't run
into anything, he couldn't afford to fall, he was right behind him. It felt
like he had been running for hours, he was exhausted but still refused to
quit.  He thought he saw something ahead but what could exist where light
itself couldn't.  He ran closer, and as he got closer he realized what was
there and he wondered why he hadn't realized it sooner. It wasn't
something, rather it was someone. He didn't know if his mind created the
person to help him cope with being shut away in the darkness or if he was
real but he would soon find out.  He could almost hear his voice; he could
make out some of what he yelled to him.

".......run.........please.......for me......"the guy yelled.

Those few words only made him run faster, thinking that he was wanted.  As
he got closer he could see more clearly, standing there Matt wasn't alone,
behind him stood the one person he didn't want to ever see again, Kyle. It
was like someone had slowed down time; he stared and watched as Kyle moved
ever so slowly behind Matt so he wouldn't notice him. Allen wished with all
his strength that he reach Matt in time but he knew that it wouldn't be
possible, it was too far away. He watched in horror as Kyle pulled a gun
out of his waistband and pointed it at the back of Matt's head. Allen
squeezed his eyes shut unable to watch what he knew was coming. He heard a
deafening sound.

"I told you not to tell anyone, it's your fault he's dead" Kyle laughed.

"No!"Allen screamed

His whole body was trembling; he sat up, covered in sweat. He clenched the
bed sheets; he couldn't believe a nightmare could feel so real. He was in
his bed. The nightmare so vivid, it was like it was seared into his
mind. He was crying he couldn't help himself; it was like he had no control
over himself. Remembering the dream made his stomach twist sending him
running to the bathroom to relieve what little was in his stomach.  Kyle
was supposed to be a friend, why had he betrayed that.

Allen striped down, jumped in the shower, hoping to scrub the memory
away. He scrubbed as hard as he could but it wouldn't go away, he could
feel the blood still on him but it wouldn't wash off. He gave up and
collapsed to the bottom of the shower, just laying there. He had no
strength left, Kyle made sure of it, and he had robbed Allen of all of it.

 He felt worthless, weak and pathetic; he didn't want to live anymore. He
had no reason to go on, he couldn't be used again. The corner of his eye
caught sight of a razor, it was within reach. He reached out and grabbed
it. He brought his wrist up and held the razor against it. He could do it,
he kept telling himself, he could do it, would take only a second and the
pain would be over.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

The first thing that happened when he walked into his house was he was met
by the interrogator. His mom stood ready and started bombarding him. She
wanted to know why he was late getting home from school; his brother had
made it home already. He simply told her where he was and why. He had been
at Allen's checking up on him. He went up to his room to work on his
homework before he was called for dinner, taking the handheld phone with
him. He was waiting for Allen to call; he had left a note asking him to
call as soon as he woke. It wasn't hard for Matt to get his homework done
normally but he couldn't stop looking at the phone almost trying to will it
to ring.

In the middle of struggling with the homework and waiting for the phone to
ring, he was called down for supper. In his house, there was hardly
anything cooked in the microwave or you eat whenever, like at some of his
friends' houses. Everything was made from scratch, probably why everyone
loved eating with his family. They sat around the table and eat
together. It was like the one and only time all of them were together and
able to update one another on their lives. His dad would share what
happened at work and Matt or Eric would share about their school
day. Sometimes his mom would share whatever happened to her at home but she
didn't every night.

Tonight was a nice juicy pork roast with potatoes and carrots slowly cooked
together all day long while everyone was out. Matt just couldn't make
himself eat, he didn't have an appetite, and it was weird. He kept telling
himself that he was just worried about Allen like any other friend would
be. It was not weird for a friend to worry about another friend, every
second having them in your thoughts, was it?

Matt's parents did notice that something was wrong, and maybe had an idea
what it was about but weren't sure. His brother looked like someone that
hadn't eaten in a month, just stuffing his food into his mouth as fast as
he could.

The one thing he loved his parents for was, they made time, and they
cared. He knew that was more than Allen had. His parents made the time to
eat one meal with their kids, something trivial to some but it was
important. It showed they cared and loved the family as a whole. They made
sure that Matt and his brother Eric knew and knew well that they were there
if either of them needed anything.

Matt was snapped back into reality, his mom was talking to him. What
actually pulled him out of his thoughts was her calling his name trying to
get his attention and maybe the kick that he received from his brother in
the shin might have helped.

"Is everything okay?" Eliz asked.

"Yeah of course mom, I'm fine." He lied. He hated lying to his mom or even
his dad but he was confused. What was he feeling? Lately it was becoming
scary; he didn't know what to think anymore. What he was taught and what he
felt were two different things and were at constant war lately with one
another. He just didn't know himself anymore.

It had started when he had realized that he was fooling himself by dating
Jennifer. He had gotten tired of pretending to feel something he was
supposed to have felt towards girls, especially Jen, every guy had a crush
her, everyone except him that is. He had tried but no matter what he did
his mind knew it was wrong.

He asked to be excused from the table, wanting to think in the privacy of
his room, a place his parents seldom invaded unless it was necessary. He
got up and took his plate and placed it on the counter in the kitchen and
went to his room.

His room was a nice green, looking at it now reminded him of Allen's
eyes. It was furnished with a queen size bed that used to belong to his
parents and a table to work at, complete with a chair. His bed was made; it
was the first thing he did every morning. He, unlike his brother Eric, made
sure his room was clean. He couldn't stand a messy room, it made it hard to
move around in and things get lost easily.

Eric and Matt got along great, more like friends than brothers. They
normally did everything together, along with Allen. Everything had changed
though Matt stopped making time for them and really tried dating girls, in
other words Jen. He was trying to destroy what was growing inside of
him. It was something that was scaring him, he couldn't control it, and it
was like it had a life of its own.

 "Hey bro you sure your okay?"A voice said from the doorway.

Again he was snapped out of his thoughts, this time by his brother. He
looked over to the door and there stood all 5' 9" of Eric with a concern
look on his face. He didn't know what to say, his first thought was to deny
everything but just as that thought popped into his head another replaced
it. Would it hurt to talk to Eric? he could trust him and he needed help
figuring it out. Above all else he hoped that Eric would come up with a
different answer than his.

"I don't know anymore, I just don't." Matt replied. He was breaking down;
he had no strength left to fight with. He felt a pair of arms wrap around
him; he could feel the love within the hug. His eyes watered making it very
hard to see. If only Eric knew, things would change.

"Please don't, I don't need anyone. You, like everyone else will be gone
soon enough," Matt said, struggling to get out of the brotherly embrace.

Eric looked very hurt by Matt's comment; Matt regretted saying it as
quickly as he had said it.

"How can you say that? We're brothers Matt. No matter what I'll still be
your brother and be here when you need me. Never forget that." Eric
replied, poking Matt in the chest with each word.

Each poke was annoying Matt to the point he was getting angry with Eric.

"How do you know everything will stay the same? That you'll want to be my
brother? You don't know anything!" Matt said.

"Because Matt, I'm not going anywhere. You can't do anything to change that
fact. Why can't you understand that?" Eric said.

"Fine and I'll be okay. Just go watch TV, sleep or whatever you do in that
room of yours with the door locked." Matt said trying to throw on a smile
to go with his half assed joke.

Matt just wanted to stop fighting and he wanted Eric to stop making
promises he knew he couldn't keep. There would be a place and time for
everything, it just wasn't now. He put on a happy face so Eric would leave
him alone.

"Are you sure?" Eric asked.  Eric stood up and walked to the doorway he was
leaning against a few moments ago.

"You know where to find me when you do, just next door Matt. Please." Eric
said just before he left, leaving Matt sitting on the edge of his bed. Matt
finally just let go and allowed himself to fall backwards onto his bed.

"Why me? ............." he whispered "Why?................." his eyes once
again becoming an ocean.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

He sat and reflected on how similar his life was to Allen's life. There
were quite a few similarities to be found and that was probably why they
had gotten along so well before, they could relate to one another.

Kyle knew beyond a doubt that he loved Allen and that Allen should love
Kyle. It was just meant to be, destiny. They were so alike he couldn't
understand why Allen had left the night before. Kyle knew Allen liked what
he got; he'd be back for more. Allen loved him more than he loved Matt, he
just knew it.

Kyle couldn't believe how tight Allen had been, he had tried to resist but
Kyle knew he had only been playing. Why would he seriously resist the love
Kyle was trying to give Allen? He held him down, penetrated him while Allen
squirmed around making the process a bit rough. Kyle guessed Allen was so
excited, yeah, he liked it rough. He had screamed throughout the act but
Kyle thought it had been screams of pleasure so he ignored them. He hadn't
noticed until after he had finished that Allen lay there whimpering in
pain.

Without a word, Allen had run into the bathroom with his clothes crying and
locked the door. Kyle banged on the door a few times asking for Allen to
open the door, the only thing he heard was whimpers and cries of pain, no
answer.

The whimpers stopped suddenly, Kyle grew worried. Had their first time been
emotional shock to Allen? Was it too much for him to handle? He sat on the
bed; he took the time and looked around. His clothes were thrown around,
the sheets barely on the mattress and as he looked my closely at the sheets
he noticed something else. Blood, a lot of blood, he didn't understand why
he hadn't noticed before.

He looked down at his unclad body. It was also covered in blood, semi dried
his whole groin was covered but through inspection he failed to find where
the blood had come from. His body had no open wounds at all. It was only
blood.

He got up from the bed and walked over to the bathroom door to once again
to knock on it. After several knocks he stopped. He thought he heard
movement. He was glad Allen stopped crying, it had been getting annoying.

"Allen come on out. Please come out." He asked.

What happened next was the opposite of what he wanted to happen. He stood
in front of the door waiting. Slowly Allen finally began to open the
door. Kyle had been getting restless, he was glad Allen was finally leaving
the bathroom. He wanted to wash the blood off before they went further
tonight.

He hadn't seen it coming but he sure felt it, hard. Allen put everything
into the punch that he delivered to Kyle's face. Kyle howled in pain and
staggered back. He clenched his face with his hands. When he recovered he
realized that Allen had left but not before grabbing his clothes.

He went into the bathroom and noticed the blood stains left behind and
proceeded to clean the blood off of his body. He didn't bother with the
stains on the floor. He took a pee and grabbed into the shower to make sure
he got all the blood.

Kyle reflected on the events of the night, he didn't blame Allen for
bleeding everywhere. It was his first time and all and he'd get over the
bleeding after a few times. The hit though was a bit much, Kyle thought and
he would make sure Allen apologized for it.

No matter what it took.