Date: Sat, 11 Mar 2006 03:57:27 +0000 From: Violete Marut <violete001@hotmail.com> Subject: Bulimia 2 I smelled my fingers.They smelled of nicotine.I liked the smell of nicotine.It always gave me this weird headrush.Me and Tommy boy were sitting on somebody's front porch steps smoking.We both indulged in the habit quite frequently.I didn't smoke because I had some irresistible urge to do so.I smoked because I liked the smell of nicotine.I smoked because Tommy boy smoked.I smoked because I was angry at the world.I smoked because I knew that if my mom would find out it would hurt her a lot.I knew that her own father died from lung cancer so smoking was a very big deal to her.She used to tell me that if she ever caught me with a cigarette she would kill me.So here I was,smoking.Tommy boy pushed the hair out of his young bright face and said: "Molly's having a baby" "Surprise,surprise..I always told you your sister was a slut"His face cringed when I said that.I knew it annoyed him,me talking about his sister in this manner.I guess that's why I did it,to test him.To see how much shit he would take before snapping. "She's not a slut,she's just lost" "Oh yeah..lost isn't exactly the word I'd use..more like perverted and slutty" "Shut up..he used her,he fucking used her.I'm gonna kill him when I grow up,I swear." "Yeah because it's his fault that she lost all her clothes before they even made it to the living room" "You know what..you can shut the fuck up" "haha..look Tommy boy,I'm sorry" "It's fine,just don't talk about her like that" Poor Tommy boy.When is he gonna get it through his head that his sister is a major whore.I feel fucking sorry for her child.I've always dreamed about having a child,however strange that may sound.LOL.It would probably be Bipolar.I've always dreamt about having a family with Cal,we would be so great together.I awoke from my personal thoughts as I saw Tommy Boy getting up and we made our way back to school.As soon as I was inside that horrible building my eyes were cast downwards. It was lunch time.I had some big cravings.I made my way into the cafeteria and took as much food as I could possibly carry.I felt people looking at me,it was probably my imagination playing tricks one me,but I still felt stupid.I went outside to my usual chill out place.Tommy Boy was there already with a few different friends.I didn't like any of them.I just smiled at Tommy boy and sat down on the grass.I started devouring my food and not paying attention to anybody else.As I was almost finished I saw a pair of feet approaching in my direction.I thought it was probably one of Tommy's girlfriends but when the feet stopped right in front of me I decided to look up.It was a girl.She had pretty long black hair.Her face was full of make up and lipstick.She grinned at me.I just half smiled.She knelt next to me and then looked back and gave a wave to 7 of her girlfriend's that were precisely staring at us. "You're Aiden,right" "uhh Yeah,that's me" "Well one of my friends has a gigantic crush on you.She wrote you a letter and it has her AIM screen name in it.She thought that maybe you'd like to chat with her" She handed me a pink envelope that I took with my greasy fingers and I said "uhh thanks,I'll be sure to read it.I'd love to talk some more but nature calls" She giggled at that statement and was on her way back ,shaking her ass way too fakely in the process.I almost ran to the restroom.I just wanted to get all that pizza and coffeecake outta my system.I went into one of the stalls and puked my guts out.My throat hurt like a bitch.I also had rough patches on my knuckles from all that fucking acid.But as long as I was calorie free it didn't matter to me.I rolled away from the toilet and took out the pink envelope.I opened the letter and read out loud "Dear Aiden I've seen you around for a few weeks now and I find you very attractive.I just broke up with my boyfriend and I'm looking to have some fun with hotties like you.If we both enjoy it, it might even turn into something serious.Hit me up on [some girlie bullshit screen name] Hope to hear from you soon with Love, Maya" I laughed.What a farce.I laughed out even harder.That is the dumbest letter I have ever received from a groupie.Here I was about to laugh at my own pathetic joke but I heard somebody else's laugh.This scared me.I wiped my vomit stained face with toilet paper and opened the stall door.What I saw scared the daylights out of me.It was Cal,standing there laughing,looking so damn sexy.Finally when he slightly controlled himself he said in ragged breath "Sorry mate ,I just couldn't keep my laughter to myself anymore.This was the most pathetic letter ever" "Yeah..it was,"I said in a shaky voice.OMG I couldn't believe this was happening.He was standing here,right in front of me,leaning on a sink and looking mighty sexy with a big grin on his face.And here was I,totally unprepared and with vomit on my shirt..WHAT OMFG I HAD VOMIT ON MY SHIRT!!!!Before I could do anything to conceal it he looked at the stain and burst out laughing while saying "I see it made you sick " I just shook my head in bewilderment but the situation was so bad I had to laugh eventually.I slowly made my way to the sink next to him and turned on the water. "Sorry mate..really am.Are you all right?" "yeah..yeah I'm okay,"I said.I noticed my hands were shaking. "ah well..I'm off.See ya round" "See you," I said and looked him in the eye.He lingered for a minute that felt like an hour.He smiled an amused smile and took off.Great,I thought to myself.I tried self loathing,but how could I.I just spoke to the boy of my dreams.I actually felt happy.For once in my life.I left the restroom with a wide smile on my face.At that moment nothing mattered,the world was a happy place and I had no pains.Yet I knew that at some point all the insecurities were going to come back and haunt me with more power then ever.I smiled away anyway.Cal talked to me,I made him laugh.If a smile could split a face in half than I would have been in a plastic surgeons office at that moment.