Date: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 01:32:30 +0000
From: Violete Marut <violete001@hotmail.com>
Subject: Bulimia 5

It was the most beautiful winter I've ever seen.The snow petals fell ever so
slowly.I was looking out of the window.I loved winter in my grandparents
house.They had a huge house and it wasn't all bright and sunny like ours.It
was dark and gloomy and very English.Me and my mom came over for the
Christmas break every winter.I fucking loved this house to death.The fire
was making nice sounds in the fireplace while the house was scented like a
Xmas tree.I saw grandpas two dogs,Rene and Peter, playing outside. Peter was
a cruel animal.His movements smooth and clever.His body built and every one
of his moves fast.He bit Rene's neck while the other dog tried fighting back
but finally gave up and squealed with defeat.I heard the stairs cracking,
announcing somebody was coming up.
"Honey,what are you doing?"
"Nothin much Grace,just watching the snow"
"I would offer making a snowman but it's freezing outside so there's no way
I'm going out" she said with a big smile on her face.
"Oh it's fine,I wasn't expecting you to even ask"
She smiled sadly and sat on the big puffy chair next to my bed.
"Look I know I'm not the greatest mother sometimes..but I do everything I
can"
"Yeah yeah just don't start.I don't wanna listen to any speeches right
now...so save it to yourself"
"Aiden do not talk to me like that,it's awfully rude"
"I have to go to the bathroom"
"Okay but we're not done young man"
Fucking cunt.I hated that woman more than life itself.I didn't need to go to
the bathroom.I actually just wanted to go outside,into the cold,into the mid
dark.I sneaked out of the house and made my way over to the lake.It was a
few miles away from my grandparents house.When I got to the lake a weird
longing came over me.It was so cold outside,and the snow falling on my
clothes and my fluffy hat.I felt a certain nostalgia..I didn't know what I
was missing,but it was something big.
"There's a weird aura around here" I heard a voice from behind me say.I
turned around.It was a boy.Taller than me,pitch black hair,tan and pools of
green eyes.Cal.He was surprised to see my face."Oh hey matey,I know you from
somewhere huh?"
"Yeah,we go to the same school"
"Oh we do...shit my memory's so bad," he said and walked a little closer to
the lake leaving me behind.I caught up with him.I waited a while to think of
what to say,finally I mumbled
"So what did you mean about the aura"
He looked at the lake with a strange expression.He remained me of myself a
few minutes ago,longing on his face.Finally he blinked and said
"10 years ago 6 people were murdered and thrown into this lake on Christmas
eve.All of them were under 14."
My jaw must have hit the floor.I knew something wasn't right with this
place.The quietness..the dreams of a child.
"Everytime I come here,it's the same.I get the same feeling.Voice in my
head.Have you ever heard voices that do not belong to you in your head?"He
said suddenly looking like a maniac.His eyes were watery and sad.
"No..I thought only schizophrenic people heard voices"
He laughed sarcastically.I was afraid to see him like this,he looked so
hopeless.
" Sometimes I'm so..so afraid.I can't be by myself,I can't be
alone.They..they talk and talk and never ever stop.You don't know what it
does to me..it's ruining my life."
I didn't know what to say so I just stood looking at the love of my life.And
I thought my problems were big,now I see what it means to have real
problems.He was so torn.
"I'm here Cal" I said,trying to comfort him a little.He looked at me with a
delicate face[over time I've learned that his facial features could change
within a minute].
"Come here," he said.I wasn't sure what he meant but I got a little closer
to him.He took his hands from out of his pockets and put both of them on my
face.I flinched at the coldness of them but didn't dare to move away.
"You wanna be my angel?Wannna be the one to save me from this sickness?"He
asked in all seriousness,as if he really thought I could do it.I just nodded
my head.
"The candle is burning so low for me," he said looking away.I just threw
myself into his arms and hugged him.He put his arms around me
"my angel," he whispered "you'll be my angel"
>From that time I made it my goal to reach out and help him.To stop the hurt
and the confusion.I was very stupid,and my constant belief that I would be
able to help him makes me laugh a bitter laugh right now.But then,well it
seemed so noble,my friends,so pure.I thought that's how true love looked
like.I thought I was going to be his guardian angel,for life.Little did I
know.I wanted to take him home with me but apparently someone was waiting
for him,he wouldn't tell me more.But before he walked away he leaned
in...and when I didn't feel his lips on mine after a moment I opened my
eyes.He smiled and said
"next time..that way I know you'll show up" and he left.I had so many
questions.When?When?and WHEN!?
I made my lonely way home.A half smile playing on my lips.The trees were
covered in white.The snow was still falling,sending little shudders through
my body every time a flake landed on my nose.