Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2006 00:50:47 +0000
From: Violete Marut <violete001@hotmail.com>
Subject: Bulimia 8

The taste of blood is a mix of sour and sweet.The taste of blood in my
mouth,and it wasn't because I accidentally bit my lip.Blood was all over my
body.As I sat in the bathtub,too tired to cry.Unable,I've lost all my
tears.Memories swirling in my head.To put all these thoughts in order would
be suicide.His crying out:
"You whore!Did you think you could fool me like that! Did you!Did you think
I wouldn't know you were in conspiracy with them?You thought I didn't
know!?I loved you!I fucking loved you! I gave you my heart and more.I gave
you everything there is,you bloody cunt!EVERYTHING!"
And me pleading "Stop please"
"Oh no,I'm far from stopping," he said as he threw his body over my lithe
frame.All I could do was cry and beg him to stop while he undid button after
button after button on my pants.When I was naked from the waist down he took
of his pants and showed his member in.Without any lubrication,without
nothing.It felt like I was being put on a pole.Piercing pain so unimaginable
I thought I had died twice and come back to life.His mouth was almost fuming
as he called me every name in the book.And he kept going in pushing it and
pushing it so harshly we were onto the other side of the room when it was
all over.I fainted.When I woke up,he, of course, wasn't there.I tried to
stand,but the pain tore me in two pieces.
_______________________________________________________________________________

"Aiden can you hear me?" said a strange voice.I felt like I was in a maze.My
mind was in tact but I couldn't make it do anything.Everything floated.
"Aiden if you can hear me please open your eyes.Aiden..Aiden"
I opened my eyes.Fuck.The light blinded me and I gave a moan of frustration.
"Your eyes should adjust to the light soon," the strange voice said."How do
you feel?"
"How the fuck do I look?"
"Pretty bruised up"
"Well I feel pretty bruised up as well"
And it was true.I felt like shit.My eyes finally adjusted.There was a nurse
and a doctor in front of me.The nurse was a thin woman with blond hair.There
was something about her,I couldn't quite put my finger on.The doctor was a
bit small.He had a very interesting face though.
"Do you know why you're here?" asked the doctor in an accusing voice
"Because I fell off the stairs"
"Are you kidding me?You think I'll buy that.And for a second let's pretend
that I do.Why did you fall from those stairs?"
I wondered back in time.I finally got up and went to the restroom with an
awful pain coming from my backside.When I was leaving the restroom I
suddenly felt dizzy.
"I felt dizzy"
"Why?"
"How should I know"
"Well I think you do.What's that here?"
He asked grabbing my hand and pointing to my fucked up knuckles.
"It probably bruised up while I was falling," I said rudely pulling my hand
away.Fucking asshole.
"We already informed your mother that you were raped and that you have
Bulimia"
Fuck.My first reaction was that I was totally screwed.Fuck.My second
reaction was that I didn't give a fuck anyway.Fuck.
"Can I go to sleep,I'm tired"
He looked at me with annoyance.
"Yes,but we'll come back"
Thank God.He scared me.There was something good about him.Something way too
forward.It scared me.I saw the need to help me in his eyes and that scared
me.I didn't want to be helped.I wanted to do whatever for the rest of my
life.I didn't want him to give a fuck about me.I fell asleep.When I woke up
I heard my mom's voice.I couldn't make out what she was saying.I opened my
eyes.Fuck.I turned over and puked all over myself.The nurse came in
running.I don't know how she knew.My mom and my doctor came in right
after.My mom was crying.The sight of her made me sick.She ran over to my bed
and started all the hugging and kissing and crying.I didn't respond.
"We're gonna get you help," she cried.I just threw her off of me
disgusted.Please.Fuck.
"Aiden we're sending you into a center where you will be helped," said the
doctor.
"I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP,"I yelled and ran out of the bed tearing the
UV in the process.I didn't get far.The security dragged me back quick
enough.
I never told them who raped me.My mom had her speculations but Cal was
nowhere to be found.I was worried about him.I was worried about myself.I got
shipped off to an Eating Disorder center.My mom cried while she said all her
goodbyes.She wouldn't be able too see me for the next 2 weeks.I took comfort
in that.I wasn't looking forward to the treatment though.