Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2007 02:53:43 -0700
From: firexity vee <4plexity@gmail.com>
Subject: collide part 4

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction that describes the love between two men.  Please
use your common sense when proceeding, and please don't copy my work
without my permission.  It's impolite.

So like summer's finally here and that could only mean free time for me to
keep on writing.  sorry about the LONG delay in between postings, and
thanks so much for the emails.  i know this chapter is so short compared to
the other ones, but i wanted to take poetic license for the next chapter,
which should be up within the next few days.

* * *

Collide
by rexie


The alarm clock on his bedside table read 3:17.  Riley could not, for the
life of him, fall asleep.  Every thought that sped across his mind landed
on Jacob.  Whenever he thought he was drifting off to sleep he would feel
the boy's lips brush against his.  It was as if the kiss was haunting him.
It was all he could seem to think about

They were so soft that he savored every second that they were interlocked,
exploring every little detail.  Riley delved his tongue into Jacob's parted
mouth, reaching into the depths to find his soul.  He felt the smaller
boy's arms wrap around his shoulders, clutching him with need.

It had to stop.  It needed to stop.  Even though he was unwilling to do so,
Riley broke the kiss and walked away.  Slowly, he turned away from Jacob
and made his way to his car without ever looking back because he knew.  Oh,
he knew, alright.  He knew that if he looked back, the damn kid would be
giving him this look that would crush the life out of him, that would cause
him to be the first ever teenager to die of a shattered heart.

Unfortunately, there was no way of closing his ears.

"Goodbye.  Riley...," Jacob whispered so quietly, so insignificantly that
Riley choked.  He wasn't expecting that at all, not that Jacob said
goodbye, but that he said it in a way that suggested such finality.  It was
as if Jacob had already accepted his 'breakup' and had already moved on
with his life; and somehow, that pained Riley even more.

Riley decided to risk it and turned around but Jacob was already walking
away.  He reached out his hand for him but it was too late.  Jacob was out
of his range, and out of his life.

Riley pulled the sheets over his head and rubbed his naked torso.  School
would be starting soon and he was very glad of that.  Once he cleared
things up with Erika, he would be able to return to normalcy.  He would
again take on the seat of the football god and have the best senior year he
could possibly imagine.  Everything would be back to the way they were and
he would be happy again.  Happy, and normal.

But, was that what he really wanted?

The alarm clock read 5:43.

"Fuck"

* * *


"Good morning, you early risers!  It is a quarter to six and you are
listening to Smooth Radio ninety-seven, one.  The next song is for those of
us--well...alright, ALL of us who's had our hearts broken and the only
reason is: 'Love Stinks!'"

Fitting, Jacob smirked as he drove on the freeway, necessarily facing
another long day of work at Denny's.  Thankfully, it's one of the last few
full days he has at the diner.  School would be starting next week and he
would only have to work part time after 2 pm.

"It's going to be alright," he whispered to himself, for the millionth
time.  His insides have been shaking for the past few days, but it's going
to be alright.  His mother is still sick, but it's going to be alright.  He
hasn't slept in days but it's going to be alright.  Jacob sighed, "It's
going to be alright."

His spine tingled, his heart raced and his breath slipped.  Past sensations
went through his body, almost as if his body has not recovered from the
encounter.  Once again he felt the tender kiss, the warm embrace, the hard
muscles that lined his back.  It was mind-numbing to say the least and
Jacob could not, for the life of him, forget it.

Jacob walked into the diner after parking his car on the rather empty
street outside.  Today, he would be in charge of serving the customers
seated at the bar.  He looked around and noted that there were only a few
people in the diner, eating their early breakfasts: a business man enjoying
his first cup of coffee for the day, a group of college kids still awake
from last night's wildness, and a single mother feeding her little boy.

He went behind the counter and put on his apron.  The cook waved to him
from the order window and he waved back.  A chill went through his spine as
the bell above the door chimed and in came a boy.  At the corner of Jacob's
eye, he saw the boy sit at the counter nearest him.  Jacob turned around.

Fuck.  It was Lucas Hart.

For a brief moment, the two just stood there and stared each other in the
eye.  Jacob took this opportunity to note the disheveled state that Lucas
was in.  To put it simply, he looked like crap.  There were dark circles
under his eyes, his face looked paler than the moon, his eyes were red as
if from crying.  And yet, there was still a hint of beauty etched across
Lucas.

If Jacob chose to be honest with himself, he would find Lucas attractive,
with his prominent jaw, jet-black hair, perfect musculature, and eyes the
color of heaven.  But he wasn't honest with himself.  He could not and
would not be attracted to the boy who almost broke his skull.  He just
can't...right?

"What do you want, Lucas?" said Jacob warily.

"Jacob..." Lucas replied, "Jacob, I'm not going to hurt you..."  His voice
was so soft that it caught Jacob off-guard.

"Please, Lucas.  Just...just leave me alone.  You've made it clear you
don't like fags..."

Lucas winced.  "I'm not going to hurt you...I promise," he almost
whispered.

"What is it that you want then?"

Lucas paused, and he looked Jacob intently in the eyes.  "Forgiveness," he
said deeply.

"Forgiveness?" said Jacob.  The bell chimed again as the businessman left.

"I-I'm sorry..." started Lucas, "I'm sorry about that night...about the
beating....about the bruises that are still in your...in your beautiful
face...."  Lucas reached out his hand and made to caress Jacob's cheek but
he stopped midway and withdrew it.

Jacob finally saw it.  He finally saw just how vulnerable this boy was.
Behind his muscles and his masculinity, was a fragility that Lucas normally
hid, and is now displaying freely.  Jacob couldn't help but feel for the
boy.  "Lucas, I already knew you were sorry...that's why I didn't press
charges...," Jacob said as he started wiping the counter.

Lucas simply looked at him, "W-Wait, w-why...how?"

"I don't know if you knew, but that night....that night when I was on the
floor..." Jacob paused to summon the courage to go on, "when you were
hitting me...well,...you were crying."

"I-I was...?"

"I remember....I remember your tears landing hotly on my wounds....  That's
when I realized.  I realized you were in pain, too."

"Pain...?  I was in agony...."

"How can it be that bad?" said Jacob, as a family of three walked in the
diner, settling into a booth.

"Well...see, um....I don't even know where to begin... When you've been
hiding something for so long, sometimes it...well, it consumes you.  Since
you're the only one who knows about it, you can feel it in your body,
struggling to get out...and it's painful.  It hurts you, man, not only
physically, shit I can handle physical pain, but you feel heartbroken too.
You know that everything is a fucking lie and you're the biggest fucking
liar in the world, and the only thing you can do about it, is cry."

There was a pause.  Jacob was unsure about how to go on.  "Lucas...what
were you hiding?"

"I'm gay," he said plainly and he chuckled darkly at the look on Jacob's
face, "yep, it's pretty ironic, huh?"

Jacob managed a weak smile, but he remained silent.

"I know I don't even have the fucking right to be in the same room as
you..." Lucas continued, "but I just wanted you to know that I'm not about
to do that again.  There's no excuses I could, or would even want to make
about that night.  All I could really hope for is your forgiveness."

"Have you told anyone else?" Jacob finally said.

"No.  I haven't even been able to sleep during the past few days...ever
since, well ever since I found out about you and Riley."

"What about me and Riley?" Jacob said quickly, moving away from Lucas to
rearrange the coffee mugs.

"That you're together."

"What?  We're not together, Riley's not even gay..." Jacob's face fell.
Somehow, he was verbalizing the one fact that he was trying to avoid.

"I saw you guys kiss..." Lucas said causing Jacob to freeze on the spot

"Yea...well," he muttered, remembering Riley's warm kiss.  "I don't even
know why he kissed me...we're not together."

Lucas's eyes sparkled, "That's good to know..."

Jacob thought he saw Lucas grin to himself, but his face reverted to a
thoughtful expression right away.  For a long time they didn't say anything
to each other.  Jacob was tidying up the countertops as another waiter
tended to the patrons seated at the booths.  There was nobody else except
for Lucas in the barstools, so Jacob did not have much to do.  What he did
do, is try to avoid Lucas's eyes as best he could, because he was scared of
how his knees would weaken whenever they locked gazes.

Lucas allowed himself a moment of weakness, observing every minute movement
that Jacob would take.  Every action was graceful, every sway, divine.  He
could not take his eyes off of the boy, something that has happened
countless of times in the past.  He finally felt guilty for staring and
said, "I should probably go..."

Jacob turned to Lucas, a hint of disappointment in his eyes.  "Are you
sure?  Would you like some coffee, first?  And maybe you can stay and talk
for a bit."

"Alright..." he said. Another excuse to be around him, he thought, hell
fucking yes.

And talk they did.  Initially, they both were feeling really awkward about
the situation.  Jacob did not know how to talk to Lucas and Lucas was
scared of saying something wrong.  But as Lucas sipped his second cup of
coffee, they both opened up to each other.  Lucas was slowly realizing what
an amazing person Jacob was while Jacob was becoming more comfortable with
Lucas.  However, Riley somehow managed to emerge in the conversation once
again.

"So...did you love him?" Lucas asked hesitantly after Jacob explained the
kiss.

"I...I really don't know," Jacob said, "I mean...I guess I could have
really fallen for him.  He was a nice guy, but he didn't want me, not even
as a friend."

"He's an idiot," said Lucas plainly.

"What do you mean?"

"He could have been with you, and he passed.  That's the stupidest fucking
decision in the world."

Jacob merely blushed, while Lucas's heart swelled three times its size.

* * *

To be continued.

***

Contact me at 4plexity@gmail.com cause even though I write, I like to read,
too.  so send me those emails and make my day!