Date: Fri, 12 Aug 2016 19:31:00 -0500
From: David Achterhof <bigdizzy21@gmail.com>
Subject: Coming Out of My Shell Chapter 1

Coming out of my shell
by David

      I have lived most of my life in a small town in east Texas.  There
are quite a few churches here in this town. For somebody that is different,
so to speak, it was quite difficult. I didn't know what I was and had no
clue I was gay. I never heard of gay people until I was 12. I knew being
attracted to boys wasn't considered normal but I couldn't help it. The
girls here just didn't do it for me, they never did. But I did know that
for some reason I couldn't tell my parents or my friends and had to keep
this deep dark secret from everyone.

      As I grew up, I was never one trying out for sports. I didn't really
care for them. My druthers were artistic endeavors, theater performance and
singing, although I don't think my voice is above normal for a kid. But I
didn't care, I did it because I enjoyed it. Yep! It made me feel good
inside. When I made it to middle school, I was still doing theatre but I
was also in concert band.
      However, through these years, my feelings and urges towards boys grew
increasingly. I tried dating girls but nothing ever came of it. Becoming
depressed, I put on weight too easily and soon became less attractive to
people.  At least that handled the dating issues.
      By the time I was in high school, I was a part of many different
venues. I was in student council, drama club, marching band, concert band,
the debate team and all of this was to run away from myself. I felt very
much alone while hiding my secret. All these different things kept me busy
enough to fill a void growing inside myself.  I was always looking over my
shoulder, thinking that somebody might find out about me. By my senior year
I had finally admitted to myself that I was gay.
      My senior year was going great and I was elected class president, I
had been accepted to S.F. Austen State University with a full ride academic
scholarship, and I had made the All-Region Band for the fourth year in a
row and I qualified for the All-State high school honor band being first
chair. I was incredibly happy with my life right now, but I was still
fighting with my demons about being gay. I wanted to tell someone badly but
didn't know who I could trust. I have great friends but I don't know how
they would take me being gay and I know I couldn't tell my parents.

      The most important football game for a senior is Senior Night. As a
band member, I was able to go on the field escorted by my parents and the
announcer tells what I am going to do after high school. I was really
excited for it, especially getting to wear my senior band outfit. But I am
also excited because my cousin Carl is going to be coming to the game to
walk with me since my dad was not able. He had surgery and isn't allowed to
stand that long. I decide that after the game this Friday I would tell Carl
I was gay. We were going to be at the same college together so I thought it
would be a good idea to tell him. We are really close to one another even
though he is older than me. I still see him as my best friend.

      Friday finally arrived and I was leaving the school gym. I saw my
cousin Carl leaning against his truck with a big smile spread across his
face. I pretty much ran over to him and he wrapped me in a big hug. "Carl,
it's so great to see you. Thanks again for doing this for me" I said. "No
problem cuz! I'm happy to do it and honored that you asked me" Carl said as
he slapped my knee. "So was it easy getting here?" I asked. "Yeah, it was
and I thought I would pick you up from school." Carl said.
      We rode the along, heading home, just talking about things. We pulled
up to my house. Both of my parents and my brother were excited to see Carl
again. We sat around the living room and talked for a while. Then I went to
get ready and Carl came with me. "So are you excited for tonight?" "Oh
yeah! It should be great! I really hope we win, we should anyway, the team
we are playing sucks." I said with a chuckle. "Well then tonight should be
good for our side!" Carl said.

      I dressed quickly. I put on my black jeans, band shirt, my letterman
jacket, slipped my shoes back on and grabbed my senior mace which my high
school band boosters make every year for the seniors. They are the same
drum major maces every year silver wrapped in maroon and white chords with
our name and year engraved at the top. " So no uniform tonight?" Carl
asked.  "Nope, thank god the seniors get a night off!" I said with a smile
"Umm? Carl when we get home tonight, can I talk to you about something" I
said looking down at my feet.

      "Yeah, sure, are you okay?" Carl asked sounding concerned. " Oh yeah,
I'm fine. I just want to talk to you about something" I replied. "Oh, okay,
cool" he said. We left for the game and when we arrived, I lined up in
front of the band with the rest of the seniors. We lead the band into the
stadium. As we entered, the crowd cheered enthusiastically!  We are one of
the best high school marching bands in the state going to the state
competition every other year for twenty years, winning it six times. We are
currently a four time defending state champion.
      We got into our section except the seniors we went over to the other
end of the field with the rest of the seniors. The football players went
first then the cheerleaders dance team then the band. I was first to go
since my last name started with an A. The announcer said my name and I
started to walk out. "Davis is being escorted by his mother Diana and
cousin Carl. After high school David plans to attend Stephen F. Austin
State University where he will study computer science with a minor in
computer forensics".
      The game started and it was a close battle in the first half. It was
the last time I was able to be with the band at half-time. The people were
ecstatic over the music. We do have a supportive local crowd.
      Anyhow, after the game was over (which we won, of course). I also won
band beau. I rode home with Carl. I told my parents I was tired so I went
to my room to change. Carl came with me to my room. "Okay Davis, what did
you want to talk to me about?"  I immediately got nervous and my palms
started to get sweaty. I really wanted to change the subject "Ummm?" I was
trying to gather my words. . . Then I just said " I'm gay".