Date: Mon, 20 Jun 2011 10:27:39 -0400
From: Chris Johns <chris-johns@hotmail.com>
Subject: Compassion 16

				COMPASSION
				Chapter 16

Another year just appeared to fly by and Michael was off to junior
high. Paul was most put out that he was going to be separated from his
brother but Darren explained the reason and promised to take them both in
to school each day. Katelyn would pick them up because it would be at
different times and after school activities would make it impossibly
complicated for Darren or Jack to do it.

Both boys had become excellent horsemen but it was little Paul who looked
like becoming a rancher. Michael wanted to see the world and climb
mountains, hunt big game, become an adventurer. Both fathers smiled on
these little boy dreams, but Jack was the one with his fingers crossed
hoping that wouldn't happen.

Twelve years old and the budding adventurer showed his zest for living
taking his now thirteen year old stallion a step too far.

One of the ranch hands almost skidded to a halt outside Jack's Animal
Hospital one day, almost crying.

"Jack, call an ambulance, then bring a flat bed and a board. Michael has
had a fall. I think he's broken his back."

Jack wanted to die, just at the thought of his first born becoming a
cripple. He called for an ambulance, Darren's, calling Darren as well.

"Don't move him Jack, not even onto a board. I'll be there as fast as I
can."

This was a Saturday, Paul was out on a different part of the range, Katelyn
was in the house and heard the commotion, reaching Jack as he piled into a
Ute with the equipment he thought might be needed.

"Kate, Michael's had a fall. Wait for Darren and bring him down to the West
Range."

She didn't have time to argue, Jack was off, chasing the ranch hand on his
horse.

Michael was still conscious, but the other ranch hand that had been left
with him had not moved him. He was quite patently in great pain.

"I'm sorry Daddy, I tried to make Blackie take the wall. I guess he's too
old. It's my fault, please don't hurt him."

Jack didn't know what to do, for the first time in his life. Michael looked
so uncomfortable, but he daren't move him after talking to Darren.

"It's ok Son. Just lie still, Papa will be here soon, we'll get you fixed
up."

"I hurt so much Daddy, and I can't move my legs."

Jack stroked the hair away from the boy's face and leant in to kiss him.

"Try to stay calm, you know Papa will do everything possible to make you
well again."

Jack was amazed at how soon Darren appeared, the ambulance was ages
afterwards. Jack stood back and watched. Darren had one of the ranch hands
hold Michael's pelvis firmly while he straightened the legs, Michael showed
no sign of extra pain and the look Darren gave Jack made him want to
shrivel up and die.  Neck brace was applied and then Darren had all of the
men space their hands to move Michael onto the board with minimal movement
of the spine.

"Boss. You need to look at Blackie."

Jack stood and walked over to the horse lying on the other side of the
wall. The site brought tears to his eyes. Blackie was quite patently beyond
help. He would have to shoot the horse, but he couldn't do it while Michael
was here, that would be too much, they had been inseparable since Michael
could walk.

"Go back to the hospital Wade, get a gun and bring it back here. I'll be
going with Michael so you'll have to kill the horse. I want him brought
back to the house and buried alongside the grand oak with Ebony."

Wade was in tears as well, he was one of the longer serving hands and had
been with Michael so much as he grew that it was almost like having his own
son.

First stop was Darren`s clinic for a full body scan. Jack's eyes were as
attuned to what to look for as Darren's, in his case it was animals not
humans but the principal didn't change. Both fathers' saw it together and
gasped. The spinal column was severed. Almost certainly, Michael was going
to be a paraplegic for the remainder of his life.

Darren was devastated but held it all together because this boy was Jack's,
regardless of them all being in one family, this one was Jack's biological
son. He would be beyond grief at this revelation. Michael was put into a
cast to minimise movement, just in case exploratory surgery could repair
some of the damage, then before he could protest Darren had put Jack out
with a strong sedative. Father and Son were put into a private twin bedded
room while Darren called in a couple of favours. The two foremost
neurosurgeons in the country agreed to come to the clinic to advise, and if
necessary operate on the boy. Then Darren had the least pleasant of any job
he had ever had to do. First his parents, that was a `phone call, then he
had to make the trip to John and Sheila in person, this couldn't be done
over the `phone.

Devastated couldn't come even close to describing the reaction of these two
old people who had doted on their grandsons since birth. John was first to
recover his thought process.

"Where is Jack, does he know, is he alright?"

"Pa, he's with Michael. I've had to put him out to stop him going mad. We
think Michael is damaged beyond repair. I'm sorry but you have to prepare
for our son being in a wheel chair for the remainder of his life. I'm
bringing in the best neurosurgeons in the country but Jack and I have both
seen the break, it's almost total."

Darren had to sedate Sheila and then he and John sat and talked about what
they were going to do. Paul Sr. and Elise arrived soon after and Darren
left them together. He had to get back to the ranch to tell Paul Jr., he
would be as devastated as anyone.

Steel showed. The boy cried his eyes out, totally lost at the news, this
was his soul mate, his protector, his best friend, as well as his brother,
but when he had relieved his grief he looked at his father.

"I'll look after him Pa, whatever it takes I'll look after him forever."

Ten years old is pretty young to take on that kind of commitment but Darren
had no doubt his son meant it.

Katelyn was last and she was as devastated as anyone.

"You know I'll stay forever if I can be of any help, Darren."

Darren nodded, he had never doubted that would be her response.

"I think we are all going to have to be incredibly strong for the
foreseeable future Kate, our boy is going to need an awful lot of help to
put his life back together."

The neurosurgeons were less positive than Darren.

"We'll open him up Darren to have a look, but looking at the scan I don't
want you to hold out too much hope."

That was Terence Arnold, probably the greatest neurosurgeon in the
world. His microsurgery techniques were world renowned. Paul Nye was
Nigerian, but was also a fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons in
London. He had pioneered microsurgery in the orthopaedic world. The
combination of these two was awesome. If they couldn't mend Michael, nobody
in the world could.

In simple terms what they did was fuse the lower vertebrae where the break
had occurred and after splicing nerve ends to the best of their ability
they encased the spinal cord in a sheath to make sure it didn't rub against
anything else.

"We can't do anything more here Darren. We will only know our success rate
when the boy comes out of anaesthesia."

Jack was still sedated, both sets of grandparents were in the lounge in a
silent vigil. Katelyn was with Paul Jnr. who had been banned from the
clinic.

"We can cut the atmosphere here with a knife Katelyn, take the boy
home. We'll let you know everything as soon as we know."

"I can't go home Pa, Michael needs me, I have to be here when he wakes up."

Darren was amazed that this ten year old was holding it all together better
than the adults. He scooped his son into his arms.

"We all love him Son, but this vigil is for the grownups. You go with
Katelyn, I promise she can bring you back as soon as we have any news on
Michael."

Then the facade crumbled. Paul clung to his pa and sobbed his heart out.

"I can't go Pa, please don't make me. Daddy will need me as well."

"I'm sorry Son, I don't think being here is good for you. Take him
Katelyn."

The boy was sobbing but Darren had too much else to occupy him to give his
son the attention he would need, his whole concentration must be pointed at
Michael's needs. He would explain to Paul when time allowed.

The vigil stretched everyone's nerves almost to breaking point.

Six hours after surgery, in the still, cold hours of dawn, Michael
recovered consciousness. Darren was holding his hand as he showed signs of
recognition.

"Hello Pa, where's Paul, where's Daddy?"

"They will both be here as soon as we've had a chance to look at you."

"This is Terence, and Paul, they have tried to put you back together
again. We are just going to try a few tests to see how successful they've
been."

"I hurt my back bad Pa, didn't I?"

Darren nodded, there would be no bullshitting this boy, he might only be
twelve but they would have to tell him the truth.

"Is Blackie ok, you know it wasn't his fault? I pushed him too hard. I'm
sorry Pa."

"We'll worry about that later when we've finished here."

Darren nodded at the two surgeons who pulled the bedcovers down and raised
the surgical robe to just below Michael's groin.

A sharp implement was run down the soul of each foot. Michael
twitched. Needles were jabbed into his legs at different points.

"Try to curl your toes Michael."

Nothing.

"Can you move your legs?"

Nothing.

They left, summoning Darren to follow them.

"I'll be back very soon Son."

Outside the room the worried looks made Darren's heart sink. How was he
going to tell Michael, and worse how would he tell his love and his other
son.

"I'm sorry Darren. There is minimal feeling in his lower limbs. He has a
small reaction in his feet but nothing worth holding out any hope
for. There is a small, and I emphasise, very small, chance that as the
bruising and inflammation abates he will get slightly more feeling, but I
doubt there is a 1% chance that boy will leave his wheel chair in this
life."

Darren nodded, offered his heartfelt thanks to these two incredible
surgeons, shook their hands and turned back to tell his son.

"Michael, we are going to do everything we can to make you
comfortable. We'll get you as mobile as we can with super electric
wheelchairs. You'll be the envy of all your friends, whizzing around the
school on four wheels."

Michael looked aghast.

"I'm not going to be in one of those for long am I Pa?"

Darren teared up.

"I'm sorry son but it looks like it. You've done a lot of damage to your
back."

"No Pa, I can't, I'm going to climb mountains, trek across deserts, swim in
shark infested waters. I can't do that in a wheel chair."

Darren was crying openly now and Michael shrunk into himself.

Grandparents were told, Katelyn was called to bring Paul back to the clinic
and then Darren dragged his feet back to the room where he knew Jack would
soon be waking up. His man was totally devastated when Darren told him, and
once again he had to put him out. The grandmothers remained with Michael
while everyone else gathered in Jack's room. When Katelyn arrived, Paul Jr,
nearly tore doors down to get to his brother.

"You're going to be alright Michael, I'm going to look after you, you see,
we'll be ok."

He threw himself into his brother's arms and cried his eyes out.

"You've got to be alright, who is going to look out for me if you aren't
there?"

Michael was crying as well but managed to reply to his brother.

"Of course I'm going to be alright. You'll just have to help me for a
little while. You see, I'll be riding Blackie again before you know it."

The look of devastation on the faces of his grandparents, and Paul
immediately told him.

"Oh no Gramps, have I killed him?"

John took the hand of the boy who had become his life.

"Yes son, Blackie is dead, we've buried him next to your Daddy's horse. He
was old Michael, it wasn't your fault."

"But it was Gramps, I shouldn't have tried the wall, he was too old."

That single piece of news probably put back any chance of recovery by
years. Michael was totally devastated that he had killed his beloved
horse. He remained at the clinic for two weeks while bruising and
inflammation receded, but still there was no feeling in the lower
limbs. When the staff tried to move him into a wheelchair he nearly
screamed the clinic down. Nothing would persuade him to be wheelchair bound
so eventually he was taken home on a gurney and transferred directly into
his bed.

Paul had to be almost levered from his brother's side to go to school
leaving Michael with Katelyn for most of the day. He showed no interest in
anything just staring ahead and answering Kate and other visitors in
monosyllables. Six months of this, with Jack slowly disintegrating and Paul
becoming as depressed as Michael made Darren bite the bullet.

"Michael, do you love your brother and your daddy?"

"What kind of silly question is that Pa, of course I do."

"Well in that case why are you destroying them?"

Michael didn't understand.

"Let me explain. We are pretty certain you are never going to walk again
under your own steam. That's something that I am sure you have
realised. Well, your brother wants to look after you like you looked after
him. He loves you very much and wants to play with you and do things with
you like before. We all know that will mean adapting things to allow you to
do them from your chair, but it doesn't mean the end of your world. Your
daddy doesn't know what to do, he is making himself very ill worrying about
you. If you don't try to put your life back together I think you will lose
your daddy. He's going to die of a broken heart."

"But I'm a cripple Pa," Michael almost screamed.

"Yes son, you are, but that doesn't mean the end of your life. Your brain
is still good, your upper body still works ok, you just have to accept that
the lower body is going to be a bit of a drag for you."

Michael tried, he took to his wheelchair, he allowed Katelyn to start
tutoring him again ready to go back to school, he put on a brave face, but
it wasn't working for him. He got more and more frustrated not being able
to do the things he wanted to. Darren still made him go into the clinic for
physio on his legs

"One day, if there is a breakthrough in micro surgery they may be able to
restore feeling to your legs. I know it's a slim chance Son, but if it
happens we must make sure your legs haven't deteriorated so badly that you
can't use them.'

Michael thought it was a waste of time and fought it every time.

Nothing much changed then for two years. He wouldn't go back to school, but
he did continue to study. He never appeared at the family cookouts with
Brad and Tom's families, but within his own family he continued to
function, sort of.

Crunch came on his fourteenth birthday. He and Paul were moving from the
sleep wing to the main lounge when Paul spoke.

"Switch your machine off Bro, I'll push you."

Michael snapped, "Yeah, like a baby in his pushchair."

Paul stopped in shock at the viciousness of the voice. When Michael
realised Paul wasn't with him he turned round and saw his brother lying on
the floor sobbing. Pulling up close to him he looked down.

"What are you crying for?"

Paul looked at this brother that he loved so much and could do nothing for.

"I love you so much Mikey, I'd give you my legs if I could. I'll be here
for you forever. I don't think you're a baby. I think you are big and
brave, I just want to help."

Jack came looking for his two sons and found them clinging to each other,
both crying their eyes out.  Michael looked up at the worried expression on
his Daddy's face.

"I'm sorry Daddy, I'll try to be good now."

The Birthday party wasn't much of a party, the air of gloom hung heavy over
the house.

Andy heard about it from Katelyn the next day and decided he could do
something about it. He went up to the big house and asked Jack if he could
have a few minutes alone with Michael.

Quizzical look but no dissent.

"Hi Mike, how are you today?"

Michael looked at Andy as though he was mad.

"Oh, I'm real peachy. I thought I might go out in the yard and play hoops
with Paul, or maybe go for a ride on one of the big stud stallions."

Andy could see and hear the sarcastic tone and demeanour.

"Yes well you could if you stopped sitting around here feeling sorry for
yourself."

Michael was shocked enough to stay silent.

"I'm going to tell you a story Mike, then you can tell me to go.  More
years ago than I care to remember there was this little blond guy. He was
twelve years old, and because he was little and cute, everyone thought he
was gay, and without confirming it a bunch of rednecks nearly beat him to
death, they would have done if his Pa hadn't come along. Your Pa saved his
life and a bunch of surgeons put him back together again, sort of. When he
came out of hospital he was in a wheelchair and on a ventilator. He was
told he'd never walk again. Your Pa brought him out to this ranch, put him
on crutches and took the wheelchair away. It really hurt for this boy to
even stand and your Daddy was going to put him on a horse. When he wanted
to give up your Pa told him, 'You can try to work through the pain barrier
and learn to do things, or I'll give you back your wheelchair and you can
sit there like a vegetable for the remainder of your life.' He took the
first option. Within a year he was off the ventilator and the crutches had
gone to sticks and the sticks to nothing. Everything worked again because
the boy wanted it to and worked at it. That boy was me Mike. You may not be
able to do that well, but you can play wheelchair hoops and with a special
saddle we can probably get you riding again. Your upper body can compensate
for the lower part if you work at it."

Michael looked aghast at Andy.

"I'll go now."

Andy went and Michael lay back in his bed and thought about it. He thought
about how much he loved Paul, and how much he wanted to do things with him
again. Result was that as soon as his Daddy came in to see him that
afternoon before Paul got home he had come to a decision.

"Daddy, I want to ride again, and I want to play hoops with Paul. Can you
have a saddle made for me and get a bodybuilding course for me to start
building my upper body to compensate for this useless lower bit."

Jack was almost overcome. The tears were there but they didn't fall.

"I'm sorry Daddy, I know I've been horrible, but I'll try to be better
now."

Jack took his son in his arms and nearly crushed him.

"I love you so much Michael, we'll do everything we can to make you happy."

It was as though a whirlwind had been let loose on the Double M
ranch. Everyone appeared to be in good humour again and Michael realised
how much everyone really did love him, mirroring his mood, as they had
always done. It was hard, he worked out every day in between his
tutoring. During the next year he built an impressive upper body making him
much more mobile, almost hopping into and out of his chair. The big break
through emotionally was when Jack decided it was time to introduce him to
riding again. They went down to the paddock and in one of the corals
Michael saw a beautiful black stallion. Jack said nothing as Mike looked at
it. The tears came and in a soft voice he said, "That's Blackie's son,
Daddy, isn't it?"

"Yes boy, he's been waiting for you since the day he was born. Katelyn's,
Lady, is the dame."

"I deserve to be in a wheelchair Daddy, for killing his sire."

That was said so matter of factly, Jack was silent for a moment before
dropping to his knees by his son.

"No Mike, what you did wasn't wicked, at worst a little thoughtless. You
don't deserve to be in a wheelchair, and if we can ever change that, no
matter how much it costs we'll get you out of it."

That was good enough, and his eyes lit up when Wade brought out the special
saddle and made the horse ready to ride. Initially, Jack had him on a lead
rein but Michael hadn't really changed and was riding by himself very
quickly.

What with schooling, fitness training, hoops, and riding, Michael had no
time to worry about anything else. Darren monitored him physically and Jack
monitored him mentally. The boy was growing strong and self assured,
showing the strength and determination he got from his biological
father. Seventeen and he went back to proper school, never being very far
away from his little brother. He had lost a year and was a junior with
Paul, who remained small, but strong. Between the two of them any comments
about cripples were met with some pretty extreme actions. Respect was
earned by this wheelchair bound boy.
*******************************************************************************
Life gets better for the not so little boys.