Date: Sun, 23 Jun 2002 00:09:55 -0400
From: Del Hare <dhare@charter.net>
Subject: Concord Five 20

		   ASP--The Concord Five--Chapter Twenty

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	      ASP--The Concord Five--Chapter Twenty--Michael

I guess it was about an hour later when Greywolf called from the library,
"Atten-hut!". He gave us time to get decent and then came to the living
room door. "Yong Jin and I have been watching the news. We now have over
seven inches of snow and it is still coming down. The highway patrol has
asked that no-one be on the roads except in extreme emergencies. I suggest
all of you call your parents and tell them you are staying here tonight."

"Linda, telephone," Yong Jin called from the library. Linda had just walked
back in the living room when Yong Jin called again, "Susan,
telephone". Matt gave his phone to Bill, and I went outside and returned
with mine. The next several minutes were hectic as some of the crew called
parents and others answered the phone when their parents called.

When all parents had been told the Fellowship was staying put, Yong Jin
came in and said, "Mary Kathryn, there are four of you girls. Luke and Matt
planned to stay at your place tonight but, if they are willing, I suggest
you women go to your place. If you don't mind sharing a bed, all four of
you'll have a place to sleep."

"I'll save some girl from having to sleep with Mary Kathryn," I said.

"As I recall, Danish trolls actually have young men for breakfast who are
found sleeping with young daughters," Greywolf laughed. "Raw! There will be
three of you men to a room and if you don't want to share a bed, there are
sleeping bags and pads here and at the Andrews'. Divide up as you
please. I'm headed for bed."

After Greywolf left, Matt said, "I guess I need to get the four-wheeler out
and drive everyone to the Larsens' and Andrews'".

Jack said, "I really think we need to escort these beautiful women to your
place, Mary Kathryn, so we can be sure you are safe. A walk in the snow
sounds romantic!"

"May sound romantic," Luke said, "but it's cold out there. I don't care how
hot you guys get at my place," he continued, "I bet you'll need to stop by
and thaw out before heading for the Andrews'. We'll choose bed partners
when you get back."

"Ugh," Jacob said, sticking out his tongue. "Don't think I'd like your idea
of a bed partner."

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," Luke laughed.

We all walked out on the front porch as we four guys got ready to walk our
girls to the Larsens'. It was still snowing and, as we left, Bill started
singing, "Sleigh bells ring, are you listening..."


ASP--The Concord Five--Chapter Twenty--Matt

"Do you think the Indians will be ok at the falls?" Chris asked as we went
back into the house.

"I'm sure they will," Luke said. "If they thought they wouldn't be, you can
bet they would be back here by the fire."

It was over half an hour before the four guys came back from the Larsens'
and when they walked back into the house, all of them crowded around the
fireplace. "Not only is it snowing like mad out there," Jack said, "but it
is also colder than a well digger's ass. So how are we dividing up for
sleeping?"

"Don't get me wrong," Michael said, "but if the straight guys go to my
place, the guys here would probably be a lot happier".

"Sounds fine to me," Bill said, "But I want to get warm before I go outside
again".

"Take your time if it means I get to snuggle in bed with my babe," Marc
smiled, flashing his dimples at Keith.

After everyone had warmed themselves for a half-hour, I offered the
four-wheeler to Michael to drive home, but the four guys left to trudge
their way to the Andrews'. "Dan, Chris, Marc seems to have staked a claim
on the guest room bed and it appears he's interested in having Keith share
it with him. You and Dan can have our bed and Luke and I will take sleeping
bags and the floor."

"Never, Matt," Dan said. "I would never toss you two out of your bed. Chris
and I will share your room, if you don't mind, but we'll take the
floor. You do have sleeping bags that can be zipped together, right?"

"Of course," I laughed.

"Well, since I have a prize bed partner, I think I'll take advantage of
it," Marc said as he reached out, took Keith's hand and gave him a full
double-dimple smile.

Keith blushed, but didn't hesitate, and the two started upstairs.

"Seems I have the same old bed partner and I love it!" Luke said, as he
wrapped an arm around my waist and we started toward the stairs. He stopped
when we reached the foot of the stairs and asked Chris and Dan, "You guys
coming?".

"In a few minutes," Dan replied.

"I'll put out the sleeping bags and pads for you. There's a night light
which I will leave on. You can turn it off when you get in bed if you
like," I said.

When Luke and I got to our room, we walked to the window. It had stopped
snowing and the moon was bright on the snow-shrouded world. I was standing
in silence, in awe of the beauty outside, when I felt Luke's arm around my
waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder and whispered, "Matt, it is so
beautiful. The snow covers up all the ugliness, leaving everything pure and
white." As we watched, a rabbit raced across the newly fallen snow, leaving
deep tracks. Suddenly he stopped and stood up on his hind legs, perfectly
still. I was holding my breath as if my breathing would frighten him. As we
watched, he was joined by a second rabbit. The two stood together for a
minute or two, then went hopping into the hedgerow. "Another happy couple,"
Luke said.

"Yea, another happy couple," I said as I turned and pulled Luke's lips to
mine for a long, gentle kiss. Luke returned it, then swept me into his arms
and took me to bed. As we snuggled under the covers, he said, "Matt, Sarang
Hanun Pomul, it good to be home again, in your--no, our--bed. Do you
realize we are two very lucky men?"

"Very lucky and very happy, Yonghon Tongmu." Wrapped in each other's arms,
neither Luke nor I knew when Chris and Dan came into the room.

I'm sure Dad didn't want to know--or care--who was sleeping with whom. In
any event, he called from downstairs about 9:00 Friday morning, "Breakfast
in half an hour. Downstairs bathroom available."

When I opened by eyes, I glanced out the widow and saw there was not a
cloud in the sky. The bright sun made the snow sparkle on the limbs of the
old oak silhouetted against the clear, blue, blue sky. I turned my head,
raised up on an elbow and looked at my beloved. I leaned over and kissed
Luke's forehead ever so gently. I couldn't believe how alive and happy I
felt, but it was nothing compared to the happiness I knew when he opened
his eyes and a smile slowly spread across the face of my Yonghon
Tongmu. His arms encircled me and pulled me to himself, his lips found mine
and I was so filled with love for him tears started welling up in my
eyes. Luke broke our kiss when a tear dropped on his hard, bare chest,
looked into my eyes and, seeing my tears, pulled my head to his chest. He
held me close as he whispered, "Matt, my Dark Angel, what is wrong? Why are
you crying?"

"Luke, Bright Angel, I am so happy, so in love with you, so full of love
and life, I just started crying. I don't know why because--yes I
do--Yonghon Tongmu, nothing is wrong. I am crying because I am so happy. My
life is whole and perfect because of you."

Luke kissed the tears from my eyes and said, "No more whole and no more
perfect than my life is because of you, Dark Angel."

Luke and I were speaking very softly out of consideration for Dan and
Chris, but it probably wasn't necessary because, as we crawled out of bed,
the two were still sound asleep, completely wrapped in each other's arms
and legs.

When Luke and I went down the hall to the bathroom, there was no evidence
that Keith and Marc were stirring. "Should we wake the sleeping beauties?"
Luke asked, got a wicked grin on his face and yelled at the top of his
lungs, "Everybody! Wake up and spit! The world's on fire!"

I couldn't hear the response from the two couples, which was probably just
as well. Luke and I quickly took care of our morning ablutions and when we
got back to the room, Dan and Chris were locked in an embrace, exchanging a
passionate kiss. "Better watch that or you'll commit yourself to something
for life," Luke laughed.

Without breaking their kiss, the two each held up a hand. I didn't get it
at first, but then saw both had on Hopi rings. When they finally broke the
kiss, Dan said, "Your warning comes a little late. We made that commitment
while we were in Ohio." Dan had never been a member of the Fellowship so he
had not had a ring. Chris had given Dan his Fellowship ring and Dan had
bought one for Chris. The two were almost identical, each sporting the
friendship symbol on the sides.

"Congratulations, both of you," Luke said.

"Yea, congratulations," I added. Then told them, "The downstairs bathroom
is available if you need it. Ask Mom and she will give you toothbrushes and
anything else you need. Breakfast shortly."

Marc and Keith had gone into the bathroom down the hall. I knocked on the
door and said, "Marc, you know where towels are. Keith, there are
toothbrushes in the top drawer. Breakfast in a few minutes."

When Luke and I got downstairs, Dad said, "Good morning, Sons. Sleep well?"

"We slept so well I didn't know when Chris and Dan came to bed. I think we
all slept well since it was pretty hard getting the others up."

"Who stayed here?" Dad asked.

"Dan, Chris, Marc and Keith."

"What did you do, separate the gays and straights?" Dad laughed.

"Made good sense to me, Greywolf," Luke answered.

"I guess it's ok except I wonder about Mr. Lewis. I think he might not
approve."

"Dad, they are both eighteen and I suspect a lot more committed than some
married couples are--Mr. and Mrs. Lewis for example."

"I know, but it's hard to accept your son's lover being a man."

"Was it hard for you to accept?" I asked, somewhat shocked at Dad's
statement.

"You want an honest answer? A really honest answer? Yes, it was. For
seventeen years you dream of your son growing up, marrying, having
grandchildren and then, suddenly, all of those dreams are shattered. Yes,
it was hard to accept, really hard. The fact that your lover was Luke... I
started to say made it easier, but actually it made it harder, much harder,
because I had dreams for Luke as well. So, yes, it was hard, very hard, to
accept because I had your lives planned and suddenly the plans were
smashed. What finally made it easy to accept was the realization you and
Luke would never have lived out my dreams. They were my dreams, not yours,
and by hanging on to them, I was denying who you were. To tell the truth,
when I really realized that, I was ashamed. But that's behind me now and I
not only accept you two for who and what you are, but also am happy that
you are happy. That's all that's important now. End of confession."

Both Luke and I hugged Dad, and when I did I said, "Dad, I hope I never
disappoint you and hope that my dreams become your dreams for me."

"Double that, Greywolf," Luke said.

When Dan and Chris came into the kitchen, Dan said, "No shaving this
morning I guess. I didn't find a razor."

"I'm not sure we have any," Dad said. "We have little use for them around
here. Luke, do you have razors here?"

"Yea, there are some in the drawer with the new toothbrushes upstairs. You
can shave after breakfast if you like. I'll have to. Matt doesn't go for a
scratchy face."

Marc and Keith came in and Dad asked if they had slept well.

"Sure did," Marc answered quickly. "I think I'll take Keith home with
me. He's nice to sleep with."

"I see someone else has rings," Luke said. "I didn't notice those last
night. They are beautiful."

"Guess they are engagement rings," Marc said, "because Keith has agreed to
marry me, at least to be as married as you and Matt are."

"Congratulations to both of you. May you have a long, happy life together,"
Dad said.

We set the table while Dad finished breakfast. "Do we need to set a place
for Indians?" Marc asked.

"You mean other than the Indians here already?" Dad responded.

Marc blushed and laughed. "I meant the outside Indians. I forgot that there
were inside Indians as well."

"If there's food around, Wounded Hawk will be right there. He's more like
Red Hawk than just his looks. Mom sleeping in?" I asked Dad.

"Just until breakfast is ready. She'll be here in a few minutes." As Dad
spoke, the front door opened and the three outside Indians walked in, all
wrapped in buffalo robes. "Hope your night was not too cold and miserable,"
Dad said.

"Pretty hard to be cold when you have a buffalo robe," Wounded Hawk
answered. "And it's very hard to be miserable when you're sleeping on
sacred ground. But it was pretty difficult to gather enough wood for the
fire pit this morning. We finally rounded up enough to get a good one
started."

"Good. We'll need to take wood from here," Dad said. "No need to try to
find wood under all this snow. At least it has stopped snowing so we can
take the four-wheel-drive and take wood to the falls after breakfast."

"Better hurry," Wounded Hawk said. "More snow on the way."

"The forecast is for warmer weather this afternoon and above freezing
tonight," Yong Jin said as she walked into the kitchen.

"The forecast is wrong," Wounded Hawk said. "More snow, high winds and
temperature approaching zero tonight. Wind and snow will be starting by
mid-afternoon."

"You sure?" Dan asked.

"Sure I'm sure. Me heap wise old Indian," Wounded Hawk said in his movie
Indian voice and laughed.

"I'm sure you've heard the one about the Indian forecaster, haven't you?"
Climbing Bear asked with a grin.

"Don't think so," Marc answered.

"Indian chief is sitting at the entrance of his teepee when a warrior comes
up and asks, 'Chief, what do we do today?'. The Chief replies winter is
coming and everyone should gather wood. The Indians worked hard all day and
gathered a huge pile of wood. The next morning the warrior comes again and
asked what the tribe should do and the Chief said, 'There's a cold winter
coming, gather more wood'. The warrior told the people and they doubled the
size of the wood pile. Next morning the warrior comes and the Chief tells
him to redouble the efforts of the tribe because it was going to be one
hell of a winter. Well, the same thing happened for the next four days. The
camp was practically buried in wood. Finally the warrior asks the Chief,
'How do you know there's such a bad winter coming?'. The Chief answered, 'I
listen to the National Weather Bureau. They say we have a very bad winter
coming. Come in to my teepee and we'll see what they say today.' They go
inside the teepee, the Chief turns on his radio and tunes in the National
Weather Bureau. The head forecaster is being interviewed. 'You have
forecasted a very, very hard winter. How do you know that?' the interviewer
asked. 'I know it's going to be a bitter winter because the Indians are
gathering wood like mad.' Worth a chuckle at least," Climbing Bear said.

"Would be a lot funnier if it was not for the fact that is the kind of
thing people expect from me when I do a symposium," Wounded Hawk
laughed. "But I can assure you tonight will not be fit for man or
beast. Which reminds me, the official opening of the teen club needs to be
cancelled. It will be too dangerous for kids to be out tonight."

"Guess we need to wait a bit," Keith said. "Everyone will think we have
lost our marbles if we called it off now. The snow is beginning to melt and
there's not a cloud in the sky. Or maybe we call it off now and everyone
will wonder if we have been watching Indians gathering wood," he laughed.

"You may as well go ahead and call," I said. I didn't know how or why, but
I knew Wounded Hawk was right.

"Strange, I thought I was dreaming," Luke said, "but this morning before I
was fully awake, I saw it snowing as we completed the sweat lodge. I guess
I saw what was going to happen."

We sat down to a great breakfast and before we finished, Michael, Bill,
Jack and Jacob showed up. Dad poured coffee for the four as Michael said,
"Think we need to call off the official opening of the teen club. We are
about to have a real snow storm."

"How do you know that?" Keith asked. "The forecast is for rising
temperatures and melting snow."

"I know different. Just wait and see," Michael replied, but he did have a
puzzled look on his face.

Mary Kathryn and the women arrived shortly after Michael and the men. As
soon as Mary Kathryn walked in she said, "Real snow storm brewing. No teen
club tonight." When she said that I looked at Luke and he just
smiled. Later, when we compared notes, we discovered we all had the same
mental image of the snow storm.

Keith said, "Steve McCann is the morning radio personality. I'll give him a
call and shake him up."

Michael said, "Before you do, I better call Fr. Tom and tell him. I'd hate
for him to hear it from the radio." After he hung up the phone, he said,
"Fr. Tom laughed when I told him about the postponement. 'But I'll take a
medicine man's word on that,' he said."

Keith called the station and when he finished said, "Turn on the radio and
see what Steve has to say".

"Whoa, hoo. Just got a call from Keith Bad Man Lewis who is stranded out in
the country with a bunch of Indians--yea, Bad Man, we all believe
that... NOT! But get this, in spite of the official forecast, which I will
now read: 'Rising temperatures Friday with a high near sixty. Lows Friday
night in the mid-forties. Clear with melting snow.' That's what the US of A
official weather bureau forecasts. Now Bad Man says temperatures will drop
below freezing soon and by mid-afternoon we will have high winds and
snow. He says because of the weather, the official grand opening of
St. Mary's teen club has been postponed until tomorrow night. When I asked
what if the official forecast was correct, he said it wasn't but if it was,
everyone gets in the club for free. When I asked how he knew more than the
official US of A weather bureau, he said he'd been watching Indians
gathering wood. Think you better check what's in that peace pipe, Bad Man."

Keith switched off the radio and laughed, "Who's going to have egg on their
face, white man or Indian?".

"Guess we'll soon see," Taequo said, "But right now we need to get wood to
the falls". We put a large load of wood in the four-wheeler and drove
toward the falls. Several times the snow had drifted so deep the vehicle
started spinning its wheels but, with the crew we had, we just pushed it
forward until it regained traction.

The sky was cloudless when we reached the falls. The fire had burned down
enough to allow us to add more wood and put the rocks on top. Wounded Hawk
had us put more wood on top of the rocks. The wood we had brought from home
was dry and started burning quickly. The heat from it felt good because,
even if the temperature had risen, it was still cold. Of course, one side
roasted while the other side froze, so we all kept turning as if we were on
spits.

We all found a block of wood to use for a chair and sat around the fire for
a short time, turning first one way and then the other. Wounded Hawk asked
if any of the women were on their moon and, when he did, Michael shot a
quick glance at Mary Kathryn who smiled at him. Later he told me as soon as
Wounded Hawk said something about being on the moon, he remembered Mary
Kathryn thinking she was pregnant and got a sinking feeling.

The stone pit from the earlier sweats was still evident, but it needed
digging out. Since none of the women were disqualified by nature, Wounded
Hawk put them to work clearing out the stone pit. He then looked at Michael
and said, "Time to build the lodge. You three medicine men take the guys
and get the willows for the ribs." We walked down the river where we knew
we could find tall, thin willows and started cutting them. As soon as a
person was loaded, he went back to the falls. When Michael, Luke and I had
cut the last ones, we walked back to find Wounded Hawk telling the guys how
to build the framework for the sweat lodge and, at the same time, telling
them about a sweat. They and the women were all working hard, but listening
intently. Of course, most of them had some knowledge of a sweat from our
experience last summer, but it was all new to Marc, so he had the most
questions.

The framework was taking shape quickly with so many hands working. It was
about half-done when the women finished cleaning the stone pit, and they
joined those tying the willows in place, forming the domed framework. Soon
the framework was completed and the covering attached. It was just after
2:00 when we finished. Wounded Hawk added more wood to the fire and, when
he had finished, looked up at the sky. As he did, every eye followed
his. The sun was no longer visible and the sky was gray. "Guess we need to
get the truck to the house. Snow's coming." Even as he spoke, the first
flakes started falling and it was soon snowing so hard it was difficult to
see the house as we drove across the meadow.

Luke was driving and could follow the tracks we had made coming to the
falls, which was good. Mary Kathryn and Linda were inside the truck and
everyone else piled in the back. We had just got to the house and got the
truck parked when the wind started. It was really blowing hard, straight
out of the north, whipping the rapidly falling snow into giant swirls.

When we all got inside, Mom made hot tea from herbs Wounded Hawk gave
her. The tea was very welcome as we were all chilled from our stay at the
falls and then from the wind which cut through our clothes for the short
time we were outside after it started.

We all sat down in the library with our tea. As soon as we were settled,
Wounded Hawk said, "There'll be no food before the sweat for those who are
participating. This tea starts the purification process which will be
completed in the sweat. I hadn't planned on a sweat for all of you since I
expected just the three medicine men to participate, but it's a good day
for a sweat with friends and relatives."

"You have relatives here?" Rachel asked.

"Indeed I have relatives here," Wounded Hawk answered. "You see, before my
old man, Red Hawk, died, he became a relative of Matt, Luke and Michael. So
since he was my daddy, they are my uncles--I guess," Wounded Hawk laughed.

"How did he make them relatives?" Rachel asked. "I thought you had to be
born kin."

Wounded Hawk told about the Making Relatives ceremony. "Lots of kids play
at that, you know, two best buds become blood brothers. They are kinda
serious about it most of the time," he said, "but for us it is very serious
business. The three medicine men are truly Red Hawk's relatives."

"Could they do a Making Relatives ceremony for us?" Rachel was still asking
questions.

Wounded Hawk said anyone could do the ceremony, "but you have to be very
serious about it. These days few people actually bind the wounds together
for fear of AIDS and other blood transmitted diseases. You got to be
careful about making sure the knife is sterile. But that's just common
sense. You also have to be very careful with whom you become a relative
because relatives have responsibility for each other. They can be a real
pain in the ass, but I guess we all know that!"

The Making Relatives ceremony was talked about a bit more, but the
questions really started to fly when Wounded Hawk mentioned the Sweat Lodge
ceremony again. There were a lot of questions about the two sweats held
last summer. Michael was kinda shy about his experience since it was a high
honor and he wasn't one to brag about serious things. Wounded Hawk finally
said, "These three guys, for whatever reason, and I sure can't tell you
why, have been chosen to be medicine men. Now tell me, does either Michael
or Luke look like an Indian? Well, I don't think so either, but they are
more Indian than a lot of men born Indians. The Great Spirit seldom asks
permission to do something, especially when it is strange and unexpected."
He talked at length about what being a medicine man meant, how you got
trained, what was expected of you, that sort of thing. Suddenly he said,
"Damn good thing you called off the opening of the teen club. It's already
too dangerous for kids to be out driving."

I looked out the window and couldn't see the Andrews' house for the
snow. "It was a smart move, wasn't it?" Michael laughed.

"Does that mean the sweat is off?" Marc asked. I could see he really wanted
the answer to be no.

"Nope, sweat is on. We may need to walk to the sweat lodge, but we can
manage that," Wounded Hawk said. "Since you will be at the falls with a
long walk in the snow should you decide to leave the sweat, you need to
know all you can so you can decide not to do it if you don't want to. Of
course, you can leave at any time, nothing shameful about that."

Wounded Hawk then commented on the darkness, the heat and the length of the
sweat. "Some people cannot tolerate being in the dark. Others find the
sweat lodge makes them claustrophobic. For some the heat becomes
intolerable. If you think any of that will bother you, you can choose not
to go into the sweat lodge."

There were more questions. Marc and Dan seemed especially full of questions
and Marc was growing more excited very minute. Finally, at 4:30, Wounded
Hawk said, "I guess we better get organized before we go to the falls so we
don't have to stand out in the white fluffy--cold--sunshine predicted for
this afternoon. Let's start by all of you calling your parents. Don't think
you will be going home tonight, so let them know not to worry."

While the gang was making phone calls, Wounded Hawk called to Michael, Luke
and me. When we reached him, he called to Climbing Bear and Taequo asking
them to join us. "Michael, I think this is your sweat. You remember how to
conduct one?"

"Think I do," Michael replied.

"I don't want any 'I think I can conduct a sweat' crap, Michael. The answer
is yes or no. And stop this false modesty bit. It's as bad as arrogance."

Michael definitely look chagrined, then said, "Of course I know how to
conduct a sweat".

"That's better, maybe a bit too much arrogance, but you'll find the right
balance in time. Luke, Matt, you will assist, especially with the
chanting. I had planned to have Taequo assist me as doorkeeper, but he and
Climbing Bear need to sweat together. I can manage by myself."

"You won't have to," Dad said as he came into the living room. "I will be
honored to be doorkeeper."

"Mary Kathryn will open the lodge. Anyone who does not plan to participate?
Remember it's no dishonor if you choose not to." Wounded Hawk waited for a
minute or two and then said, "Fine, let's get dressed and go to the
falls. Greywolf, Can you get everyone a towel?"

Dad nodded and said, "I'll get towels and I will drive the
four-wheeler. People can walk if they like, but we'll need to get back to
the house quickly after the sweat since it is so cold."

We all got dressed for the weather which, now, was heavy snow and pretty
high wind and it was cold!

We all decided to take the truck to the falls since the wind was real
furious and it was snowing like mad. I wondered how Dad could see to drive
as the ruts from earlier were almost gone. When we reached the falls, the
Fellowship crowded around the fire. Michael laughed and said, "You'll not
be wanting to get close to a fire shortly."

Wounded Hawk handed Mary Kathryn a tobacco pouch and she started the
ceremony to open the sweat lodge. When she finished, Michael announced the
sweat lodge was open. The guys stripped to boxers and the women to T-shirts
and shorts. Before we left the house, Wounded Hawk had warned the women
against wearing bras if they had wire or metal fasteners, and the guys
about metal zippers. "Metal touching your skin can burn you in the sweat."
Dad and I held the flap open while the participants filed into the lodge,
led by Luke.


ASP--The Concord Five--Chapter Twenty--Sweat Lodge Stories

Bill
I really don't know what I thought the sweat lodge would be like. I had
heard the stories of Michael's, Matt's and Luke's experience in one, but I
guess I looked at it as something which was ok if you believed in it, but
just some weird experience I would take part in because my friends were. I
certainly never expected it to be anything special for me. My expectations
were, to say the least, very low. What I experienced as the ceremony went
on was just that--an interesting experience. But during the third or fourth
endurance--I'm not sure which--things took place which I couldn't explain
except to say something really did happen to me.

Everyone in the Fellowship knew I had done a lot of fucking around before
Linda became a part of my life. Hell, all of Independence knew that. I
certainly never tried to keep it a secret and, on more than one occasion,
had bragged about it. In the sweat, I sat staring at the glowing rocks and,
as I stared, they became like a movie screen on which some of the really
rotten things I had done to women appeared in living color. I felt deep
shame for using people--women--as if they were disposable toys to be used
and thrown away. In the midst of my shame, a bucket of water was passed
into the lodge and Matt took a dipperful and poured it over himself. The
bucket was passed around the circle and each person poured a dipper over
their head. When it came to me, I started pouring the water over
myself--thankful for its coolness--when I suddenly felt that it was more
than water to cool me off, it was water to wash me. I could see it running
down from my head, taking with it a blackness which the earth swallowed
up. For the rest of the sweat--and from then on--I had a sense of being
clean, my past forgiven. It was a great feeling.

Keith
I don't know what I expected to happen in the sweat--if anything. As it
started, I thought about the night before, and being in bed with Marc. We
had cuddled together, wrapped in each other's legs and arms. We did a lot
of kissing which I loved, but neither of us was anxious to go beyond
that. Why? I didn't know and still didn't. Well, actually, I think I did
know why I was hesitant about making love fully and completely with Marc. I
felt like I was unworthy of him and his love because of what I had done
with Rocky and what Rocky had done to me. If I was honest, I was afraid I'd
rub off on Marc, making him dirty. Marc must have sensed that and didn't
ask for more than what I gave him readily.

I knew I couldn't go back and undo the past, yet I couldn't live fully in
the present because I was bound by that past. I wanted to be free, to be
free to love Marc as he deserved to be loved. When it came time to pray for
myself, I asked for that. Of course, I didn't say all that aloud, but
enough. As I stared into the red-hot stones, I felt tears running down my
face, tears of regret for what had been and for my lack of freedom to
be. Suddenly it seemed that a red hot stone became a burning fire which
engulfed me. I felt it burning away my bonds to the past and from somewhere
way back in my consciousness, I recalled a line from an old song 'the flame
shall not hurt thee, I only design thy dross to consume, thy gold to
refine' or something like that. I may have had the line wrong, but what it
said happened to me there in the sweat lodge.

Dan
When I entered the sweat lodge, I felt hemmed in, closed in, being
smothered as if I was in a huge black velvet bag which was getting smaller
all the time. I wanted to escape, to escape the lodge. I remembered Wounded
Hawk said there was no dishonor in leaving. By a sheer act of will, I
managed to hold on through the first endurance, but was determined to leave
as soon as the flap was opened again. With great difficulty, I steeled
myself and waited. As I waited, I looked into the stone pit and, as I
looked, the sweat lodge disappeared and I was in an open meadow. It was
spring, the sun was shining, the sky clear blue with white fluffy clouds. I
ran across the meadow and, about half-way across it, I saw Chris running
toward me. When we met, we embraced and then walked hand-in-hand across the
meadow. As we walked, I felt our spirits merge into one, yet we remained
separate, whole individuals, whole as we had not been before and, at the
same time, of one spirit. That image of the meadow stayed with me and I was
able and willing to stay in the lodge through the other three endurances. I
endured. After the sweat, when Chris and I compared notes, he had had a
similar experience, including our meeting in a meadow. Very strange, but
very beautiful and wonderful.

Linda
I knew about what had happened to Michael, Luke and Matt in a sweat last
summer, but I was still sceptical as all get out. It seemed too much like
some kind of magic. Of course, I didn't know how to account for the scars
in Michael's chest unless they came from his knifing, or something really
did take place in the sweat. Anyway, I was definitely interested in being a
part of the sweat just because the Fellowship was all involved. What that
group did meant a great deal to me. When the sweat started, it was kinda
like being in church. There was certainly a feeling of being engaged in
some kind of worship--different from what I was used to, but definitely
worship. As the sweat went on, I was not really conscious of the heat or
the darkness, just a sense of being close to people who were very important
to me. When it came time to pray for myself and others, I really felt like
I was praying and being heard when I prayed for each member of the
Fellowship by name--and Marc and Dan as well. I finished by praying, again,
for myself and for Bill and our relationship. When the sweat was over, I
felt closer to Bill than I ever had. I think my love for him moved to a
higher level in that hot darkness and I was pleased.

Rachel
I had a real problem with the break-up of my family. I had known Mom and
Dad had grown apart, each blaming the other. The last couple years, I cried
myself to sleep many nights after they had a really big fight, continuing
after I had gone to my room and covered my head with my pillow trying to
shut out the angry words they were shouting at each other. More and more I
felt I was to blame for their problems, especially when I heard Mom shout
at Dad for getting her pregnant. She had said, "If you hadn't gotten me
pregnant, I would never have married you and could have had a great life
instead of being trapped in hell, living with you."

Dad had replied that it took two to tango and, besides, she was the one who
told him it was safe because she was on birth control. "Maybe I'm to blame
a little bit for you getting pregnant, but I don't think so. I think you
wanted to get pregnant, to have a kid so you could trap me. Well, you
did. You got pregnant with a kid and I am trapped."

Both of them really made me feel wanted and loved, NOT! I don't know why
their words came back to me in the sweat lodge, but they sure did. It was
like they were sitting in the darkness behind me, carrying on their blaming
each other all over again, shouting until I covered my ears trying to shut
out their angry words. I started feeling very sorry for myself and thinking
that me being born had resulted in their marriage and the break-up of their
marriage. I felt hot tears on my face.

Wounded Hawk brought in another glowing stone and added it to those already
in the stone pit. As I stared at it, I saw a white buffalo appear above the
stones. It looked at me with sad eyes and, as I watched, the buffalo became
a beautiful Indian woman. She beckoned to me. While I could look and see
myself sitting in the sweat lodge, I was also walking over the glowing
stones to the Indian maiden. When I reached her, she enfolded me in her
arms, kissed my forehead and said, "Rachel, I am White Buffalo Calf
Woman. From this moment on, you will know you are a good, strong,
beautiful, powerful woman. You will need no-one to tell you that and no-one
can tell you you are not." She kissed my forehead once again and
disappeared, and I realized I was still in the sweat looking at the glowing
stones and I knew what I had been told was right. All I had to do was be
who I was and live the life I had been given and I was happy.

Mary Kathryn
Weird... as soon as I was in the sweat lodge I had a very strange
feeling. Or more accurately, a strange experience. When Michael poured the
first dipper of water on the glowing stones I was separated from my body--I
could look and see myself sitting in the sweat lodge from above it. I found
myself in the Black Hills where we had been the summer before. I was joined
by Matt, Luke and Michael around a campfire. Red Hawk--or maybe it was
Wounded Hawk, I wasn't sure which it was--started a slow chant which all
four of us joined in, although I was sure I had never heard it before. It
was a chant celebrating life--being alive--and the richness of the
earth. On the one hand, the earth looked the same as it had the summer
before and on the other it was different--like something infinitely larger
and more alive was revealed to the four of us. We could see all of reality,
not just the small part we saw in our everyday living. There was a
richness, a power, an energy, a beauty which was always the way the living
earth was, but which we seldom see. It was as if we were united with all
that is. It was awesome and I knew all four of us had the same experience
and, without words or actions, all four of us understood who and what we
were as shamans or medicine men--and woman.

Marc
The more I learned about this unusual group of people I had discovered, the
more fascinated I became and the more I wanted to be a part of it. When we
were gathered in the sweat lodge, I didn't know what to expect, even though
I had asked Wounded Hawk a ton of questions. He finally said to me, "Marc,
experience the sweat, don't try to explain it or analyze it, just let it
be". I can never explain what took place in the sweat lodge. I know that I
came out of it a better person, a more together person than I was when I
went in. I know that I felt a deep obligation to these people who had
allowed me to become one of them. I had prayed especially for Douglas and
Janet--offering thanks for them having opened this rich new world to me and
for their marriage. They were locked in a struggle with Douglas' parents
which, again, was forcing Douglas to choose between Janet and his
parents--an easy choice on the one hand, but a difficult one on the
other. Regardless of how his parents had treated him, he still longed for
parents. I know, I still loved my father. But, at the same time, I felt I
had been given people who loved and accepted me. Yong Jin and Greywolf had
already made me feel like an adopted son and I hoped Janet and Douglas
would find the same. We were young adults, but we still needed a mom and
dad. Somehow or other, I was at peace when the sweat was over, more so than
I had been in a long, long time.


ASP--Chapter Twenty--Greywolf
The participants in the sweat came out and, following Michael's example,
rolled in the snow then quickly hopped in the four-wheeler and wrapped
around themselves blankets I had brought. It took longer than usual to get
to the house because of the snow and, as soon as we arrived, I dropped Luke
and Matt, Marc and Keith, Dan and Chris off and told them to hit the
showers. I then took the women to the Larsens and Michael and his crew to
his place. All were to come back to our place for a feast ending the
sweat. I wasn't really surprised when the usually talkative Fellowship was
all silent. All, I suspect, were thinking about what had happened to them
in the sweat.