Date: Tue, 27 Apr 2004 14:02:32 -0700 (PDT)
From: ds elliot <dselliot28@yahoo.com>
Subject: Confusion Rains  -  Part Two  (High School Section)

    Confusion Rains  -  Part Two
     by ds elliot

The story of two gay high school students discovering each other

All rights reserved.  This story may not be distributed on any pay sites
without the express permission of the author.  Copyright 2004.

This story contains descriptions of sexual contact between two young
men.  This is a story of intimate sexual contact and discovery.  If you
are not of legal age in your area to read stories of this nature or if
you are offended by stories of this nature, please navigate to another
site and stop reading now.

I would appreciate your comments, suggestions, and constructive
criticisms.  You can contact the author at:  dselliot28@yahoo.com


and now Part Two.

The first two weeks after graduation found me locked away in my room most
days.  I kept the phone close to the bed and must have checked for a dial
tone at least a million times.  The phone always worked, and Tyler didn't
call.  I left the room for meals when I felt like I needed to eat and to
lift weights.  The weights were the only way to really take out the
aggression I had.  I don't honestly know what I was thinking at the time,
but I was mad and hurt and angry at the world - and Tyler specifically.

My moping around the house and less than friendly attitude came to an end
after those two weeks because my loving parents decided that something was
wrong with me.  They told me they had made a doctor's appointment for me.
I told them I was physically just fine.  It was at that point they told me
that it wasn't that kind of a doctor.  They were sending me to a fucking
shrink.  They thought I was crazy.  I blew up.  I ranted and raved for
hours over their acts and their thoughts that I was crazy.  No amount of
calm, patient conversation on their part could get through to me because I
was venting all of my frustrations and anger on them.

I cried myself to sleep that night.  I was mad about having to see the
shrink, but I was more upset because of my behavior towards my parents.
They didn't deserve the evening I'd just put them through.  I didn't mean
any of the cruel things I said to them.  I was hurting.  I guess that old
saying really is true.  'misery loves company'.  I guess I was trying to
make them just as miserable as I felt.  It was unfair and unjust.

I apologized at breakfast the next morning.  I tried my best to change my
attitude for them and to be friendlier and happier at least in their
presence.  It didn't get me out of visiting with the shrink that afternoon,
but I could tell a cloud had been lifted around the house.

The shrink asked lots of questions that day - stupid questions really.
'How do I feel about this?'  'How did that make me feel?'  'What did I mean
when I said this?'  'Why do I think I do this or that?'  Mostly I thought
it was just more bullshit.  I answered his questions and made sure to give
him lots of attitude in the process.  I had decided at some point during
that visit that since I didn't want to yell at my parents or piss them off,
I'd yell at this guy and get him pissed off.

It was the fourth meeting when I told him I was gay.  I don't know why I
just blurted it out, but I did.  He told me on the first visit that
everything we discussed would be confidential and not shared with my
parents.  Maybe I was testing him to see if that was true - or maybe I was
just unloading - or maybe I was just trying to piss him off.  I really
don't have the answer to that one.  I did wait to see if I noticed any
change in my parents over the next week.  I was certain that the bit of
info I'd shared would be too good for the doc to keep to himself.  Nothing
seemed to change at home.  My parents were exactly the same towards me.
Maybe he wouldn't tell them anything.

The fifth meeting my little dam broke.  I don't know what started it.  I
didn't plan it or ever even consider telling him 'everything', but it all
just came gushing out - like water behind a cracked dam.  I didn't stop
talking for a solid two hours.  This guy just let me ramble on.  You have
to understand just how strange this was for me.  I never really expressed
my feelings or emotions aside from telling my parents that I loved them.  I
certainly didn't tell complete strangers all of my secrets.  I absolutely
never told anyone about crushes at the start of puberty or all of the oral
sex in the park or lusting after guys in high school.  I never told anyone
about Tyler.  But there it was.  all those pent up words strung together
and dumped into this room.  I could almost feel my emotions, insecurities,
embarrassment, confusion, love, hate, anger.  all floating around me as I
sat in front of his desk in that comfortable leather chair.  When I finally
stopped talking, I took a few deep breaths and just looked around the room.

 "That was a lot to unload all at one time."  The doctor said.  "Do you
feel better?"
 "Yes.  In a weird way I guess I do.  It feels like a weight has been
lifted off me.  I don't know why I did that just now.  I've never told
anyone some of those things.  I can't believe I just told a complete
stranger all of my secrets.  How did you make me do that?"
 "I didn't make you do it Brandon.  It was just your time to unload your
burdens.  This is what I do.  I help you unload your burdens so we can
examine them and deal with them in a more appropriate manner.  You
expressed a lot of feelings here today.  I think we've got our work cut out
for us, but I know the hardest part is over.  I believe you will start to
see changes in yourself almost immediately."
 "So you're telling me everything is ok now?"
 "No, Brandon.  I think we have a long way to go before we can say that,
but it is the start of the journey to healing and dealing with your
problems.  I've got another patient waiting for me so I have to end this
session now, but I want to see you again this week.  Talk with Donna out
front for an appointment."
 "Sure.  Umm.  thanks I guess."

When I stood up to leave I did feel better.  I felt lighter somehow - not
physically but mentally.  I felt like I had room in my head for thoughts.
Before it just seemed crowded with anger and hate and confusion.  I didn't
feel like any of those feelings were gone, but they either weren't as
important or they'd shrunk some, allowing room for more.  I drove to the
beach that day and walked and thought for a couple of hours.  There were
people scattered around the beach, but I was alone with my thoughts.  Being
alone with them somehow helped me to sort through them and eliminate many
of them that were just baggage I was carrying around.

The shrink help work wonders for me.  I was two weeks away from leaving for
college, and I actually felt like I had some answers.  More importantly
though I think I had better questions.  I did tell my parents that I was
gay before I left for school.  It wasn't as smooth as I would have liked it
to go, but it went.  My parents had lots of questions - mostly centering
around how I knew and whether or not I was sure.  Some tears were shed
during that conversation, but they weren't tears of anger or frustration.
I'm not going to tell you they were tears of joy, but they were tears of
compassion and understanding and love and support.  I couldn't ask for
better parents.  They had always been there for me no matter what phase I
was going through.  I have always felt loved and cared for.

I'd made a lot of changes during that summer.  Most of them weren't
noticeable to anyone but my parents and me.  Most of the changes revolved
around my attitude towards things and my worries and fears.  I did start to
dress in a more normal fashion.  It was a gradual process.  It seemed that
I adjusted my clothes as I learned more about myself and became more
confident.  By the time I was ready to leave for college, I had discarded
nearly all of the baggy and mismatched clothes and shoes.  My hair was
still long, but it was my last veil to hide behind.  I wasn't ready to give
that up just yet.  Besides I really liked my hair.  I got a little better
at accepting and believing compliments when they came my way.  The girl at
the salon where I got my hair trimmed just before heading off to school
raved about it.  I was proud!

I moved into my dorm room.  I suppose secretly and on a very deep level I
was hoping that Tyler would be my roommate.  That wasn't the case.  I'd
talked that over with the shrink so I was more than prepared for Tyler not
to be there.  I was capable of dealing with that little disappointment.
What I wasn't really prepared for was the slob I found in the room.  The
guy was a pig.  I was amazed at the mess he'd made.  I didn't know what to
do about him so I just unpacked my things and organized my space.  By the
time I was finished I'd had enough of this dick-wad lying on his bed eating
junk food and dropping crumbs and wrappers on the floor.  I explained the
facts of life to this guy and told him to clean the mess up immediately.
I'd never really stood up for myself before.  I felt good about doing it.
I don't know if I expected this guy to listen to me or what exactly, but it
made me feel like I was talking charge of my life instead of allowing
others around me to run and/or ruin it.

I went for a walk.  I know I was hoping to run into Tyler, but that didn't
happen.  When I got back to the room, Bob - the roommate - made an effort
to clean up.  It wasn't as neat as I wanted it to be, but it was better
than it was.  During the entire time we shared a room that first year he
never really got the idea of what 'clean' looked like.  I continued to look
for Tyler as I made my way through classes.  I'd occasionally see him
around campus.  I know he saw me at least a couple of times.  He would be
the only one to remember the 'normally dressed' version of me.  I don't
think he went out of his way to avoid me, but we never did talk.  At first
it was very hard to see him around - so close yet so far away.

Spring finally arrived.  I had some friends of my own.  We ate together,
hung out together, did some studying together, and we partied some.  I knew
Tyler had the baseball scholarship so I decided to go to the first home
game.  I noticed him in the dugout, but he didn't play that game.  I
learned that freshmen didn't get to play unless they were superstars.  He
did play on a second string team though so I found one of those to attend.
The game had started when I arrived.  I know he saw me in the stands.
There was hardly anyone else there for the game.  He looked at me a few
times, but never did anything to acknowledge my presence.  I had all those
old feelings of being invisible that day, but I didn't let those feelings
take over.  I stayed and watched the whole game.  The players left the
field for the locker room in the gym - about fifty yards away.  The
spectators were gone as well.  I continued to sit in the bleachers just
thinking.  I was thinking about what was and what I'd hope could have been.
I was just now beginning to see that Tyler was gone and didn't want to come
back.  I'd moved beyond just wanting him as a love interest/boy
friend/whatever I had concocted in my dreams.  I missed the friendship we
had.  I missed the chance to see where it would go.  In all it seemed much
like a funeral - grieving at the loss of someone.  I knew I had tears in my
eyes, but I was in my own little world making an attempt to put Tyler and
that dream behind me so that I could move on.

 "Thought you'd be waiting for me by the locker room."
 "Tyler?  What are you doing here?"
 "Thought I'd say 'Hi'."
 "Hi."
 "Are you ok?  I mean you look kinda down or something.  Is school going
good?"
 "Just thinking back to the good ol' days."
 'Oh yea.  when were they exactly.  I musta missed them."
 "Last year actually.  You had a great season last year.  How's this season
looking?"
 "Not too bad so far.  Wish I was playing with the varsity team, but
freshmen have to start at the bottom - so here I am.  At least I'm playing
so I can't complain."
 "Good for you!  How's school?"
 "Harder than I thought it would be, but I'm getting by.  I only have ten
credits this quarter because of baseball.  The team travels a lot and there
are more practice sessions than back in high school.  I don't get to travel
with the team - at least not yet anyway."
 "So how was your summer?"
 "Lonely.  I spent it trying to get my act together and learn how to deal
with disappointments.  I spent most of the summer talking with a shrink."
 "Sounds serious.  Are you ok?"
 "Nah.  I wasn't postal or suicidal or anything like that.  I just needed
someone to talk to and.  well, the only friend I had back then wouldn't
talk to me."
 "Yea.  I'm sorry about that.  I didn't mean to give you the wrong
impression."
 "What?  Were you just pretending to be my friend?"
 "No, not that.  I just didn't mean to lead you on or anything."
 "I never thought that you did."
 "Cool.  I just didn't want to you to.  well, you know."
 "Actually I really don't know.  I just needed to talk to a friend.  I
thought I had one."
 "So.  you live on campus?"
 "Yea.  I'm at Brighton Hall - room 412.  Stop by sometime."
 "Sure.  I'll do that.  Good to see ya, Brandon."
 "It was good talking to you Tyler.  I hope we can do it again sometime."
 "You gonna come to my games?  I mean it is always nice to see a familiar
face in the crowd - not that we attract much of a crowd."  He laughed.
 "Wouldn't miss them, Tyler.  Take care of yourself."
 "Yea.  See ya, Brandon."

I sat there watching Tyler walk away.  Finally I got up to make the trip
back to the dorm.  I had the room to myself now.  The dick-wad couldn't
hack it I guess because he moved out at the start of the quarter.  I was
damn glad I had the space to myself.  It was just what I needed right now -
time alone with my thoughts.  It was clear to me that Tyler didn't really
want to discuss things that I wanted to talk about.  I knew that inside,
but I hoped he'd have a change of heart.  I was happy that we at least
exchanged pleasantries.  There didn't seem to be any open hate between us
so at least I knew we could be pleasant to each other if nothing else.  I
thought about his games.  I told myself I shouldn't go to them because
doing that would just prolong the closure process, but I also knew that I
wasn't ready to completely give up hope just yet.  I guess on some level I
just needed to suffer more over him - my martyr complex moving towards
center stage.

I went to two more games before I noticed Tyler had another fan.  This was
a female fan.  He waved to her from the field once.  I foolishly thought he
was waving at me but looking in the wrong direction.  I've just glad I
followed the direction of his gaze before I started to wave madly back to
him.  She was attractive - long auburn hair, slender with a decent figure.
I'm sure she had a great personality too.  Tyler wouldn't go for her if she
didn't.  I watched after the game as they walked together towards the gym.
They seemed the perfect couple.  I couldn't go to any more of the games.
It was too hard on me, and I didn't need the distraction.  Besides, I'd met
some other gay men on campus.  I wasn't dating anyone, but at least I was
talking with guys I at least had half a chance with.  I felt like I was
making progress - slow gains, but progress nonetheless.  I hadn't seen
Tyler around campus for the last month.  I would occasionally wonder how he
was doing, but I wasn't obsessing.  School was occupying most of my time.
We were getting near the end of the term.  We were at Memorial Day Weekend
- a welcome three-day weekend.  There were just two more weeks of class
left before finals.  I was ready for the first year to be finished.

Just back in my room after Friday's classes.  I had three days to just
relax and do what I wanted to do - no worries and no commitments.  I really
needed this time to just chill.  The idea of getting away for the three
days didn't appeal to me.  Anywhere I decided to go would be too crowded
and the traffic there and back would be more stress than I wanted on a
relaxing weekend.  I changed into running shorts and was going to go for a
run when my phone rang.  It was my mom.  We talked for a bit while I
stretched out on the bed.  When the visit ended I was half asleep so put
the run off until after my nap.  A knock at the door woke me.  No one ever
usually came to my room without calling first.  I was a bit groggy when I
woke up, but didn't remember inviting anyone over.  I opened the door to
Tyler.  I said.

 "Tyler!  What are you doing here?"
 "I thought I'd come by to see how you're doing."
 "Well, this is really unexpected.  I'm fine thanks.  How are you?"
 "Good.  Good.  Do you mind if come inside?"
 "Yea sure.  Come on in.  Take a seat."
 "So ahh, what are you doing for the weekend, Brandon?"
 "Just takin' it easy - no plans and no pressure."
 "I thought you might be going home."
 "No.  I'll be going back there for the summer soon enough.  Besides the
traffic this weekend will suck wherever you go so it's easier to stay
around here."
 "Some of the guys on the team went camping.  It sounded like a pretty good
time, but I didn't have all the shit to camp with so didn't go."
 "I can't believe someone wouldn't loan you a sleeping bag.  What else do
you need to camp?  The weather is nice enough to go without a tent."
 "Well, I'm not a big camping fan anyway so maybe I was just making an
excuse so I didn't have to go with the guys."
 "So Tyler.  how's your girl friend - Jessica wasn't it?"
 "She dumped me a couple of weeks ago.  So I guess she's fine."
 "I'm sorry to hear that.  The two of you looked good together, and you
seemed to get along very well."
 "Well.  you met her in the early stages."
 "What happened?  You don't have to answer that.  I shouldn't pry into your
personal life."
 "It's ok.  We just didn't click after the first couple of dates.  I guess
we want different things is all.  What about you, Brandon.  are you dating
anyone?"
 "No - not yet, but I have been talking with guys like me so that is an
improvement.  At least I'm not crushing on straight guys who aren't
interested."
 "Ouch."
 "Tyler that wasn't a personal dig or anything.  In high school I just
didn't know anyone like me.  I didn't belong anywhere.  I knew I was
attracted to guys, but I didn't know what to do with that attraction or how
to manage it.  I have also learned that there are plenty of great looking,
masculine, and athletic gay men in the world and right here on campus so my
chances are improving well above what they were."
 "You mean there are some gay guys here as cute as me?"
 "Tyler.  there could never be anyone as cute as you.  That help your ego?"
 "A little."  He laughed.
 "Can I get you a drink, Tyler?"
 "Yea.  Got any beer?"
 "As a matter of fact there is a six-pack in here.  Do you want one?"
 "Nah.  Maybe later.  I'll have an oj if you've got one."
 "Sure.  I'm never without oj."

We took sips of our juice and were quite for a few minutes.  The silence
was awkward and more than a little uncomfortable.  Why was her here?  Was
he trying to fuck my head up more?

 "How ya likin' school, Brandon?"
 "Actually it's better than I thought it would be.  I like it a lot.  How
about you?"
 "Actually it's harder than I thought it would be.  It was pretty hard on
me going from being a popular jock in high school to just another face in
the crowd here.  I noticed you dropped the baggy clothes look.  What's up
with that?"
 "My shrink helped me to see that I was hiding myself under all those weird
clothes.  I guess I felt like I had a lot to hide back in high school.  I
don't feel like I have to hide here.  I've come to realize that I'm a
decent guy with lots to offer.  If someone doesn't like me, that doesn't
make me any less a good guy.  I'm also comfortable with this look now.  I
like it."
 "I like it too."  He blushed when he said that.  "So you got any plans for
dinner tonight?"
 "I'm just gonna hit the cafeteria.  You wanna join me?"
 "Well, I was wondering if maybe you'd want to go out with me to this
restaurant.  I got a gift certificate as part of an award I got for the
season.  I was thinking that I owe you a dinner since you took me out a few
times."
 "You asking me out on a date?"  I laughed at him as he blushed at my
question.
 "I guess if you want to see it as one.  sure."
 "What's the name of this place your taking me Tyler?"
 "It is a steak house.  It isn't a real fancy place, but everyone says
they've got good steaks and seafood too."

We continued our bull session.  It got easier to talk after awhile - almost
like we hadn't not talked for a year.  We talked about classes, some of the
people from high school, baseball, weight lifting, and a host of other
topics.  About 6:00 I said,

 "Well if we're going to dinner I guess I better put some clothes on."
 "You want me to wait in the hall 'til you're dressed?"
 "You're fine where you are unless it makes you uncomfortable being in
here."
 "No it isn't like that.  I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable or
anything."
 "You aren't so relax.  you're fine."

I went to the closet and picked out slacks and a shirt.  I pulled out some
loafers.  I put everything on the bed then went to the chest to get socks
and underwear.  I removed the shorts while talking with Tyler.  He seemed
to check me out closely when I removed my running shorts and before I
pulled on my boxers.  I was smiling at that thinking what I wouldn't have
given just a year ago to have him check me out that closely.  When I was
dressed we left my room and walked to my car.  We drove to his dorm so he
could change for dinner.  I told him I'd wait in the car, but he told me to
come on up.  I went with him while he changed.  He was as hot as ever -
such a great body.  I didn't openly stare at him, but I had learned how to
look casually at someone without burning holes through their body.  He
didn't seem uncomfortable at all.  That surprised me.  On the drive to the
restaurant I asked,

 "It didn't make you nervous back in your room while you changed in front
of me?'
 "No.  why would it?"
 "Well you know - being checked out by the gay guy."
 "You've seen me before.  Nothing's changed that I've noticed.  You know
I'm not afraid of you.  It doesn't matter to me if you're gay.  I can
handle it."
 "You didn't handle it so well last year."
 "Brandon, can we please not have this discussion now?  I know you want
some answer, and I don't know if I can give it to you.  If you really want
to talk about this, can we please do it after dinner?  I promise I will
stay until you are happy."
 'Sure.  I owe you an apology for that.  I shouldn't have pushed you.  I'll
drop the subject for now.  After dinner we'll see how you feel.  If you
want to talk about it then fine, but if you don't then.  well, I'm learning
to live with that."

Dinner was a really good time.  It seemed like we'd been transported back a
year to a happier time.  We laughed and joked - related stories of past
friends (including all of the juicy gossip) - we talked about summer plans
(jobs, being back home, etc.) - we talked about the direction we saw our
lives taking us at school (possible majors, career goals).  The time flew
by.  We'd had our fill of food after two hours in the restaurant.  Tyler
had a $100.00 one-time use certificate and we spent all of it without going
over.  We were both stuffed.  A walk seemed like a good idea before heading
back to campus.  We wandered around town continuing the light mood from
dinner.  We laughed about our graduation party.  Tyler was hysterical as he
tried to describe and demonstrate the look on my face at the 'good night
kiss' that evening.  We were both laughing so hard we had to sit to keep
from falling over and to catch our breath.  On the drive back to campus
Tyler wanted to stop at a convenience store.  He ran in and came back out
with a half-rack of beer.  He asked to go back to my dorm since he wasn't
sure if his roommate was gone for the weekend or not.  I was fine with
that.

 "Brandon.  you want a beer?"
 "Yea I'll have one.  Why don't you put the rest in the fridge so they stay
cold."
 "Thanks.  Nothing is worse than warm beer.  I seem to recall that you
didn't like to drink last year.  What changed that?"
 "I guess I've learned it is part of college life.  It isn't so bad once
you get the first one down.  I don't think I've ever had more than three at
one time, and even that gave me a buzz.  I feel like a lightweight compared
to most of the guys around here.  They could drink a half-rack by
themselves and still be walking around."
 "Same at my dorm.  The first party I was in the can pukin' my guts out.  I
swore I was gonna die that night.  I promised I'd never drink again if I
just didn't die.  Well I didn't die, and I didn't keep that promise either.
Seems like everything revolves around beer.  How are your grades Brandon?"
 "Not too bad.  I'm holding on to a B average so far.  I think I'll do that
well this quarter too.  How about you?"
 "I'm struggling man.  I guess I'm just not as smart as I thought I was.
Maybe this college thing isn't for me after all.  I'm doing good enough to
keep the scholarship, but that is about it.  You know the best grade I ever
got was in Mrs. Evans class.  I gotta think that's because you helped me
with that final project.  I know she hated to give me an A in that class."
 "You did as much work as I did in that class so you earned your own grade.
It wasn't me getting a grade for you."
 "I think we should take a class together in the fall.  I bet if we studied
together I'd end up with the best grade I've gotten so far.  Have you
picked your classes for the fall yet?"
 "I don't get to sign up until the Wednesday of finals week."
 "I think I sign up on Tuesday.  Why don't you come with me and well pick
out at least one class together.  I'll sign up for it Tuesday and you sign
up on Wednesday.  What time do you want to go down there on Tuesday?"
 "Damn.  you move fast.  Up until a few hours ago we'd had one lame
conversation in a year and now you're planning our classes for the fall?
You shouldn't get too far ahead of yourself Tyler.  Tomorrow when you wake
up you probably won't be talking with me any more.  I don't think I could
go through that again.  It was damn painful the first time."
 "Here's another beer.  Brandon, look I'm sorry about last year.  I don't
know what I can do to make it up to you.  Can't we just chalk it up to
being young and stupid?"
 "We could if you were stupid, but you aren't.  You don't have to make
anything up to me.  All I really want to know is 'why?'.  You knew the
answer to the question before you asked me if I liked girls.  You knew that
way before.  I didn't lie to you ever.  I didn't volunteer my sexual
preference, but I didn't lie to you.  If it was such a problem last year
then why did you sleep in the same bed with me that night?  It couldn't
have freaked you out too bad.  Why didn't you just call to tell me you
didn't want to be friends any more?  I just wanted to hear it from your
mouth."
 "Brandon.  it wasn't you.  It was me."  He said as he finished the second
beer and opened the third.  With tears in his eyes he started talking
again, "You're right.  I did know or at least I suspected way before I ever
asked.  I use to flirt with you to see if I could get a response from you -
get you to come on to me.  I drug you into the locker room to tease you.
to tempt you.  I would sit extra close to you with my shirt off while we
studied together.  You never took any of the bait.  At first I thought you
just didn't find me attractive, but then I figured out that you were just
scared - probably as scared as I was and still am for that matter.
Brandon, I wasn't scared of you being gay.  I was scared that I was gay.
That time you came to meet my dad - the first time you dressed in normal
clothes - I was drooling over you.  I couldn't keep my hands off you.  When
I saw you that time at your place when you were dressed in your work out
gear.  I didn't think I'd be able to keep my dick in my pants.  When you
took off your shirt your bedroom I wanted to jump you..  I couldn't.  When
you got out of the shower in just that towel I was so hard sitting in your
chair.  I just knew if you'd dropped that towel I would have shot in my
pants.  I watched you dress that day - saw you naked.  I still masturbate
to that image sometimes.  Well until now that is.  I've got a fresh image
from earlier when you stripped down to change for dinner.  Goddamn you are
hot!  So that is what scares me Brandon.  I don't want to be attracted to
you, but I am."
 "Why didn't you just tell me that last year?"
 "Cause if I'd have told you then I probably would have allowed something
to happen between us.  The way it had gone up to that point nothing
happened because I thought you weren't interested.  That night I found out
you were interested.  Brandon.  if we were both interested in it happening
then I knew that it would happen.  I couldn't deal with that."
 "So what was your game plan if I took your bait?  What if I had tried
something?  What would you have done then?"
 "I don't know.  I had a million ideas to cover it up.  I could say that I
was drunk or that I was asleep when it happened or beat you up afterwards.
The point is that I wasn't thinking about that as much as I was thinking
about sex with you."
 "So you'd have beat me up after we had sex?"
 "Brandon, I don't know.  Maybe I'd have tried, but you're as big as I am
so I doubt that I could have done any serious damage.  I'd probably have
ended up in worse shape than you.  I don't think I could really have hurt
you anyway.  I liked you way too much to hurt you."
 "You did hurt me Tyler."
 "Not any more than I hurt myself.  It was just as hard on me as it was on
you.  What?  Do you think I didn't stare at that phone trying to find the
balls to call you?  Do you think I didn't play you messages over and over
and over again just because I wanted to hear your voice?  Do you think I
didn't cry myself to sleep plenty of nights because I didn't know what to
do?  Did you think I could just tell my dad that I was in love with a guy
and everything would be fine?  I know you cruised past my house once in
awhile.  Did you think I didn't do the same thing?  I drove by late at
night every night that first month.  I even snuck back to your window one
night just to see if I could see you.  Your curtains were open and you were
sleeping.  I could just make out your form on the bed.  I stood outside
your window for an hour that night just watching you sleep."

I started my third beer while Tyler finished his fourth.  We both had tears
in our eyes, but we were on opposite sides of the room.  Way too many
thoughts were running through my head to even make any sensible choices.

 "Tyler, I wish that you'd told me back then.  What's changed?  Why are you
telling me all this now?  It doesn't sound like you are at a place in your
life where you want to explore this any further.  I know you didn't want to
talk about it.  What do you want from me?"
 "Brandon, fuck!  I really do miss you.  You were like the best friend I
had in high school.  I know we didn't hang out that long, but you were
genuine and real.  I can't explain it.  Shit!  It's like I felt connected
to you - like we had some kind of bond between us.  See, I knew I could
tell you what I felt - I just didn't have the balls to do that.  I knew
you'd be understanding and caring and helpful.  I knew that you wouldn't
pressure me into something or screw me over in any way.  I knew all of
that, but I didn't have the guts to tell you how I felt.  You know one of
the things I spent the summer doin'?  I went to different gyms and health
clubs and even the Y.  I'd go to do some fake work out then head into the
locker room to shower and leave.  The point of all these trips was to see
if the guys there excited me.  They didn't.  None of them got me hard.  Not
one of them appealed to me.  Talking with you at the ball field that day
had me hard as a rock.  I'm hard now just telling you how I feel - and I've
got tears running down my cheeks and I feel like a cry baby - but I'm
sportin' wood cause I'm here with you.  And here is the kicker, Brandon, I
haven't found a girl that makes me feel better or even as good as I feel
when I'm around you.  This so fuckin' sucks!"
 "Tyler.  I don't know what to say.  I didn't have any idea you were going
through this.  I guess I was being selfish and thinking only of me and my
issues and problems.  It honestly never occurred to me that you weren't
living the perfect life.  You seemed to have it all - lots of friends and
fans, admirers, decent grades, extremely good looks.  I just thought you
had it all.  I had no idea you were hurting inside.  I wish you could have
told me, but I understand why you were afraid.  Maybe if we work at it we
can figure this out for both of us.  Do you want to try?"

Tyler got up to get more beer.  As he was getting the beer I stood up to
put the empties I had been collecting in the trash.  I was standing when he
turned to hand me the beer, but instead of handing me the beer he wrapped
his arms around me and pulled me into a full body hug.  I was startled that
he would do that and eventually wrapped my arms around him too.  He said,

 'You weren't gonna hug me just then were you?"
 "Actually I wanted to but I didn't know if I should."
 "I feel pretty stupid.  I really read that sign wrong."
 "No you're fine.  I think we both needed this hug.  I know I feel better
already."
 "Yea.  I do to.  You feel like goin' for a walk?"
 "Sure.  We'll have the campus to ourselves."

With that we broke our hug.  We grabbed our jackets and headed out the
door.  We just wandered aimlessly around the campus - talking some but just
letting all that had just happen settle into our brains.  Tyler had never
been so open before.  I never expected him to say any of the things he told
me.  I figured his reason for not talking was homophobic in nature, but it
wasn't that at all.  We still had a lot to discuss and one hell of a lot to
figure out.  We were on our way back towards the dorms when Tyler asked,

 "Would you mind if I stayed in your room tonight?  I just don't want to go
back to mine right now, and I really don't want to be alone."
 "Sure you can stay with me.  I'd like that a lot."

When we got back to the dorm we were both pretty mellow from the beer and
the walk.  I told Tyler that I needed to shower.  He told me that he'd join
me.  We stripped down to our boxers to head for the communal bathroom.
Tyler was indeed hard.  I could see it tenting his boxers.  I only glanced
at it because if I looked any longer I'd be drawn to it like a moth to a
flame.

In the shower Tyler took my shampoo and told me to turn my back to him.  I
did what he asked.  He started to shampoo my hair.  It was the most erotic
shampoo I'd ever had.  He ran his long fingers through my hair massaging my
scalp as he cleaned my hair.  After my hair he began to wash my back down
to the top of my ass.  He massaged my muscles as he soaped my back.  He ran
both of his hands down each arm.  He'd stepped closer to me as he did this,
and I could feel his dick resting against my left cheek.  I leaned my head
back on his shoulder and a long, contented sigh escaped my lips.  He soaped
my chest and sides - teasing my nipples as he worked the soap over my body.
I'd been hard since we left my room.  I was tingling all over now.  His
fingers were playing in my pubic hair - twirling it - tickling me in the
sweetest way I could imagine.  His fingers ran around and over my balls.
They were pulled tight against my body.  I felt myself leaning into him
even more - I had the sensation of melting into him.  I was so excited, so
desperate for relief, so keenly aware of every movement of his fingers as
they continued to toy with me - teasing me - tempting me to give in to the
intense stimulation.  I was breathing hard - gasping for air - feeling the
spray of the water washing over me as the sensation of immense pleasure was
washing through me.  I felt his fingers wrap loosely around my dick.  My
hips thrust forward into his grasp.  He slid his hand down and back up my
dick at an incredible slow pace.  It was the sweetest agony I'd ever felt.
I was aware that I was pleading with him to let me cum.  After a bit more
teasing his grip tightened.  My whole body when rigid then began trembling
as my dick erupted.  It felt like sparks were shooting out of my dick.  My
body convulsed through my orgasm.  It seemed to go on forever as Tyler
continued to stroke my dick.  When my breathing calmed and I became aware
of the world around me, I heard Tyler whispering 'thank you' over and over
again in my ear.  I turned around in his arms and looked into his eyes.  I
asked if he was ok with this.  He told me that it felt more right than
anything he'd ever done.  I moved him back towards the shower wall.  I
knelt down in front of him.  I licked up and down his dick then took it
into my mouth.  Tyler what running his fingers through my hair lightly
tugging on it as the stimulation became too much.  He was already beginning
to swell in my mouth.  I swirled my tongue over and around the head of his
dick then plunged down on him holding his dick tightly in my mouth.  He
moaned rather loudly then exploded.  He shot hard and he shot a lot.  I
swallowed most of it, but he was cumming so hard it was impossible to get
it all.  I kept his dick in my mouth until he was calm.  He pulled me up
from my kneeling position to hold me tight.  I could feel his body
trembling as we held each other.  I knew he was crying, but I didn't know
if those were tears of relief and joy or agony at the realization of what
he'd just done.  He didn't cry long.  When we broke the hug, Tyler was all
smiles.  We rinsed off one last time - then got out of the shower.  We
dried and headed back to my room.

In the room we discarded the towels.  We were both hard again - no surprise
there - we were young and with the person who excited each of us the most.
We hugged and caressed each other for a long time.  Tyler thanked me
profusely for letting him touch me the way he had wanted for so long.  He
also thanked me for an incredible blowjob.  I thanked him in return, but it
wasn't so much about thanking each other as it was about being grateful
that we were having this chance to explore our feelings.  I can't say I
wasn't worried that Tyler would wake in the morning only to leave and not
come back.  I hoped and prayed that wouldn't happen, but I also knew that I
was powerless to stop him if that is what he chose to do.  If he stayed I
knew we would find a way through all of his questions and concerns.  I
didn't know that I would be a part of the picture when he found his
answers, but I was committed to the friendship so helping get to where he
needed to be was the first priority.  If the picture included me then I
suspected I'd have everything I'd ever wanted.  Right now I couldn't look
for an end result.  Tyler was just about to start the process of finding
himself.  It was too soon to even venture a guess as to where that would
lead.  When we separated from this hugging session I asked,

 "Would you like my bed?  I can just throw a blanket over this other one
for me."
 "Umm..  actually I would really like to share your bed.  I know it will be
crowded, but I'd really like to just hold on to you for the night.  You
don't have to do that if you don't want to.  I guess it's kinda a dumb
request."
 'No.  it isn't dumb at all.  I'd like that a lot."

With that we climbed into the bed with Tyler against the wall.  My ass was
tight against his dick.  I could feel it pressing into the crack of my ass.
We were snugly tucked into my bed.  There wouldn't be much room for
movement, but I was fine with that.  It actually felt good to have Tyler
pressed up tight against my back - to feel his legs entwined with mine.  I
didn't expect to sleep much, but I figured I'd be happy regardless.  I'd
just lived one of my high school fantasies so at the moment life couldn't
get much better.

Morning found us wrapped around each other.  I felt rested despite the fact
that I was too excited to sleep much.  Tyler was breathing softly with his
arms around me.  We had shifted at some point during the night.  He had
rolled on top of me.  I was immediately aware of my morning hard dick
sandwiched between us.  I stayed still basking in the warmth and closeness.
I couldn't stop thinking though that all of that might change as soon as
Tyler woke up.  I wondered how it would all play out.  Would he be upset at
what had happened?  Would he blame me for what we both did?  Would he walk
away now that he's had some fun?  Would he just walk out of my life again?
I knew what it was like to have regrets.  I also knew how difficult
self-doubt was to deal with.  I had a lot of experience not knowing how to
rationalize it all so that one could make sense out of the confusion.  I
let the many questions swirl through my mind - mingled with the sensations
of finally being this close to the guy I really did love.  My therapist and
I had covered that more than a few times.  Tyler was my first love.  I'd
never told him that, and I didn't plan to any time soon.  This was all too
new and tentative.  I also knew that I was too vulnerable to be allowing
myself to just completely let go and tell him everything I was feeling.
That would have put too much of me out there.  If he didn't feel the same
(and I was willing to bet the farm that he didn't feel anything like love
for me) my heart would be more than just broken - I'd be crushed,
devastated, maybe damaged beyond repair.  The therapist helped - and
continuing to discuss all of my issues with a school therapist - did help,
but I wasn't completely 'cured' yet.  As I thought about my therapist I
couldn't help but smile.  I couldn't wait to tell him all about this
episode of my life.  He had been urging me to move on - leave Tyler behind
- acknowledge the feelings I had for him, but realize that I wouldn't have
the chance to express them.  I'd likely get a lecture about putting myself
at risk, but so far it was worth the risk.  I hoped it would continue to be
worth the risk.  I felt vulnerable, but my passions were controlling me -
urging me to see where this would go.  My dream was that Tyler and I would
live happily ever after.  Reality told me it was likely to be something far
less.  I was never very good at the 'wait and see' aspect of so many things
in life - especially something this big.

Tyler stirred and was waking up.  He stretched and pressed his erection and
the rest of his body into mine.  He said. "Morning" as he snuggled back on
top of me.  He kissed my cheek then announced that he really needed to take
a piss.  We untangled and got up.  I needed to take a leak for the last
several minutes, but I forced my bladder to wait.  We put our boxers on
then found towels and my shower kit and headed down the hall to the
bathroom.  The floor was quiet for the most part, but we could hear the
showers running as we approached the bathroom.  Since there were two other
guys in the bathroom when we arrived, we went about the business of getting
ready for the day.  Back in the room we dressed together then headed to the
cafeteria for breakfast.  Our conversation wandered the gamut of topics
found on any campus, but none of our topics covered anything to do with the
night before.  I was worried about it, but really felt more than a little
helpless.  Tyler didn't want to talk about it so I didn't bring it up.  I
wanted to.  It was on the tip of my tongue and foremost in my mind (how
could it not be?), but I kept the chat light and easy - following Tyler's
lead.  As we felt the cafeteria Tyler was heading back to his room to get
clean clothes.  He said as we parted,

 "I'll call you later."

Those dreaded words.  I went back to my room.  The urge was to try to find
my college therapist on the weekend for support or something, but I knew
I'd never find him.  I picked up the room and made the bed.  I started on
some homework that I needed to finish for next week.  While I was hoping
all of the things I tried would distract me, thoughts of Tyler were never
far from my conscious thoughts.

Tyler knocked on the door just before noon.  He had a gym bag slung over
his shoulder.  I told him to come on in.  I was probably grinning from ear
to ear - while thanking God that he came back.  I asked,

 "Hey Tyler.  You heading to the gym?"
 "No.  Actually I was wondering if you'd mind if I stayed here for the
weekend."
 "Yea.  Your welcome to stay here."
 "Cool.  Umm.  You think we should talk about last night?
 "It would probably be a good idea.  A lot of things happened.  How do you
feel about it?"

Tyler put his bag on the empty bed, kicked off his sandals, and stretched
out on my bed.  He took a few minutes staring at the ceiling before he
answered.

 "Strange is the only word I can think of.  I gotta say that I never
thought I'd ever do anything like that.  I' pretty sure I'd never do that
with any other guy.  It all felt pretty good, way better than I thought it
would.  The shower was pretty intense.  I just don't know why I wanted to
do that with you.  It seems crazy really.  It's like this whole other part
of me that I don't even begin to understand.  I want to do it again.  I've
been telling myself this morning that I am just curious to see if my body
responded like it did because it was something new and different - you know
like that 'forbidden fruit' thing, but I know on some level that I want it
to happen again because it's with you.  The thing is though.  well I don't
want you to get your feelings hurt if this isn't what you want.  I think
I'm more exploring possibilities and experimenting.  I don't know where you
are with all of this, but I'm pretty sure you're in a different place.  I
guess I'd like us to be friends even if this sex thing isn't something that
works out.  What are you thinking about it?"
 "I'm sure my head is in a different place.  I guess I've been through some
of what you are going through already - probably a lot of it back at the
start of puberty when I realized that I was interested in other boys - and
the guys I hung with back then were way into girls.  I didn't like being
different back then, and I don't really like being different now - but I've
come to realize that I'm not the only one like me so it isn't such a lonely
feeling anymore.  I want us to be friends too, but I'm not sure you will
want that if we experiment more only to find out it isn't what you
ultimately want.  I just don't think you would be able to see me without
thinking about the things we did together.  That will probably creep you
out.  I don't really have a problem doing more with you as long as you
understand that you are doing these things of your own free will.  I don't
want you blaming me because you did these things with me."
 "I know it is my choice to be here Brandon.  I didn't blame you last year
when I knew I had these feelings.  I was feeling guilty about them and
blaming myself.  I've grown up a lot this past year.  It hasn't all been
easy, but I've learned a lot about myself.  I guess I tried to be the
confident guy in high school, but I was as scared as everyone else.  I
think I'm more mature now and at least with this issue, more willing to
face my fears because I need to know.  I need to know what this mean."
 "Tyler.  what did you want to do as part of this experiment you've got
planned?"
 "I really don't have a plan.  Last night wasn't something I planned.  It
just happened.  I knew I wanted to touch you.  I was drawn to you.  Seeing
you naked and hard in the shower just made that craving stronger.  I didn't
think about getting you off or anything, but I gotta say that was about the
hottest thing I've ever experienced.  I never really paid any attention to
a guy getting off before.  It was pretty intense.  I could feel your whole
body experience your climax.  It really had me right there too.  I never
shot as hard or far as you did.  That first shot must have gone at least
six feet in the air.  I also thought that blowjob you gave was the best
I've ever had, but then I haven't had that many I guess.  I've never cum so
fast before.  I thought you were gonna suck my balls out through my dick.
I felt so drained after that - I mean my whole body just felt spent - like
I'd run a marathon or something.  I guess I want to do more of that - shit
who wouldn't.  I do want to do more, but I really don't know how much.
I've thought about it a lot - everything, you know.  I just don't know if I
can actually do it all - or any of it really.  I really am scared about it
in some respects, but anxious to just get it over with in others.  I don't
know if I'm making any sense or not."
 "I think I understand how you feel.  I was probably in the same place at
one point.  Did you just want to use me like some blow-up doll so you could
just stick your dick in any hole that seemed to appeal to you, or do you
want to share the experiences - you know do things for each other?"
 "I don't want to just use you.  I want to know how it feels from both
perspectives.  I'll try to do whatever you do.  I was very turned on by
your reactions when I touched you.  We were both hard when we got in the
shower.  Just seeing you naked and hard got me going.  Feeling you in my
arms - feeling our bodies pressed together - feeling you in my hands.  all
of those things got me going.  Shit.  I'm hard as a rock just talking and
thinking about it."
 "Yea.  me too!"
 "Can I see?"
 "You could, but then you'd miss lunch.  Aren't you hungry?
 "I really can't think about food when my dick is this hard.  I'd rather
see you naked."

I stripped for him.  It was funny really.  I could see the hunger in his
eyes as I removed my shirt.  The hunger seemed to grow as I removed my
socks and pants.  My dick was sticking through the fly of my boxers so I
put it back inside then stepped out of them.  Tyler just stared at me.  I'd
never felt so on display before.  He asked me to sit next to him as he
swung his legs over the edge of my bed and sat up.  As I sat his hands were
drawn to me.  I lost track of the number of times he told me how great I
looked and how fantastic my body was.  I could never tire of hearing those
words, but his hands were roaming all over me.  He touched me, stroked my
skin, traced his fingers along and over muscles, squeezed my arms and pecs.
I was hot for him before all of the touching, but his touch seemed to stoke
the fire within me.  I got him out of his clothes and we lay down on the
bed.  He was on his side with his head propped up by his bent arm.  He just
kept running his fingers all over my body.  As he got a reaction from me -
like when he ran his fingers around my nipples - he seemed intent to expand
his explorations of that area in an attempt to stimulate me even more.  I
touched him too, but clearly he was more interested in doing the touching
and exploring than being touched and explored.  He'd been doing this for
over two hours - and still without touching my dick.  I was in frenzy over
all of the touching.  I was so ready to cum.  Nearly every place he touched
me evoked a moan or sigh.  Sometimes he would just stop touching and stare
for minutes on end, but as I'd see his hand move closer to my body I would
break out in goose bumps.  My skin felt like an exposed nerve - a sex organ
all it's own - or at least directly connected to my dick and balls.  He was
driving me crazy!  I was so over stimulated I couldn't take much more.  I
needed a break from this.

I pushed Tyler over on his back and positioned myself between his legs.  I
had him by his wrists and pinned them to the bed over his head.  I attacked
his earlobe.  He was wild within seconds - squirming all over the bed and
bucking his hips.  I changed my position to trap his legs so I could better
control his bucking and thrusting.  It was my turn to do to him what he had
been doing to me.  I was too close to cumming to take the chance that he
could send me over the edge before I had him as aroused as he had me.  I
licked and sucked and kissed every centimeter of his skin.  I sucked on his
nipples and nipped at them until he was whimpering and pleading with me to
do more. I changed positions bringing his wrists to his side so I could
move back between his legs. I licked my way to his navel then lapped at the
pre cum that had been leaking steadily for some time.  I ran my tongue over
the head of his dick and down to the base.  I licked and kissed the inside
of his thighs then licked his sack - sucking each nut into my mouth.  He
was moaning and whimpering and gasping as I worked the area just below his
balls.  As I licked over his balls again he was pleading with me to get
off.  I knew what he was feeling.  I needed that same release too just a
short time before, but I was as anxious to taste him again as he was to
cum.  I sucked his dick into my mouth - taking it as far in as I could then
slowly pulling back to the head.  I teased the area just below the crown
with the tip of my tongue.  This caused Tyler to buck hard and nearly cause
me to choke.  I began a slow, steady up and down glide on his dick.  It
felt so hard and so hot in my mouth.  I'd sucked lots of dick when I was a
kid, but I didn't recall the incredible feeling of that hard flesh and the
silky covering.  I didn't recall the heat that emanated from that burning
rod of flesh.  I increased the pace.  As I did Tyler's sounds became more
urgent.  I went just a bit faster as I felt his dick swell in my mouth.
His legs were pulled tight and rigid against my body as the first shot
rocketed into my mouth.  His back was arched off the bed as he fired two
more hard blasts into my waiting mouth.  A huge sigh escaped his lips as he
sank back into the bed.  His body would still spasm as he would erupt
again, but the muscle contractions weren't as intense as his orgasm
subsided.

When I pulled off his dick - having sucked everything possible out of it -
Tyler was still panting trying to catch his breath.  His eyes were open but
glazed over.  He had such a great smile - and this smile was one of
contentment and pure bliss.  I was immensely proud that I could bring such
happiness and pleasure to someone I cared so much about.  When he calmed
down I climbed off of him and stood up.  Tyler said.

 "Hey.  Where are you goin'?"
 "No place in particular."
 "Well come back here.  It's your turn."
 "We're taking turns are we?"
 "I mean I want to try to make you feel as great as you made me feel.  That
was absolutely by far the best I've ever had.  I don't think I've ever
begged before - well except for foreplay.  It was just as intense as last
night.  I didn't think that was possible."

I went back to the bed.  Tyler arranged himself on top of me.  He was
looking in my eyes.  He brushed his lips over mine.  I felt sparks!  His
next pass was a light kiss to my lips.  Each kiss was a bit longer and with
a bit more pressure when finally his tongue parted my lips and entered my
mouth.  Our tongues touched and swirled around in each other's mouth -
tasting and teasing and tempting the other.  We were both breathing pretty
hard after our make out session.  Tyler kissed my neck then my pecs and
nipples - licking his way down my body.  He licked over my abs then asked,

 "Brandon.  What does it taste like?"
 "What does what taste like?"
 "All of it.  your dick, your cum, the clear stuff leaking out of your
dick."
 "It tastes fine."
 "Are you just saying that so I'll put it in my mouth?"  He chuckled.
 "Yes.  I mean no.  Oh gawd.  just try it!"

He licked some of the pre cum from by body then licked lower to taste more
of it.  It must not have been too bad because he continued on licking the
head of my dick in the process.  I was so ready.  He slurped my dick into
his mouth.  It felt amazing!  He went slow at first, but picked up pace
immediately.  I was just about to cum when he stopped.

 "Please Ty.  don't stop yet."
 "Do you need to cum?
 "Fuck yes!  Please.  my dick hurts it's been hard for so long."
 "Do your balls ache too?"
 "God yes.  please Ty just get me off."
 "So how is it?  Am I doing a good job?  Do you really like it?"
 "Fuck!! Ty, I'll give you a full report when you finish, but if you don't
do it now I'm gonna have to.  I just can't take it.  I feel like I'm gonna
explode."

Tyler went back to work.  This time he sucked my balls first then went back
to my dick.  It didn't take very long before I was flooding his mouth with
cum.  He stayed on as I came.  I thought he might pull off so it didn't get
in his mouth.  I really didn't expect him to swallow.  I was so very
completely spent.  My balls ached some after I shot, but I think it was
just the ache from having been teased for so long.  Ty moved up to my face.
Some of my cum had run down his chin.  I raised my head up to lick it from
his chin then pulled his head to my lips and kissed him.  It was a nice
kiss - some passion, but lots of tenderness.  What I imagine it would be
like to kiss your lover of 50 years.  familiarity mixed with love and
gentle caring.

We stayed together in bed for several minutes.  I could have dozed off, but
Tyler announced that he was now able to think about food - and he was
hungry.  I couldn't help but laugh at him.  We dressed in shorts, stopped
in the bathroom to wash up and brush our teeth - then headed out to find
food.  Campus offerings were limited because of the long weekend so we went
off campus to a restaurant a few blocks away.

We decided to drive to a city park.  Once there we tossed around a Frisbee
for a while then played a little one on one B-ball.  Nothing we did was too
strenuous - just a nice lazy afternoon.  When we got back to campus we went
over to the food court to get dinner.  After dinner we were back in the
room.  The confined space of the room caused us both to realize we needed a
shower.  After the shower we sat in the room naked - talking about things
(pro baseball teams, national headlines, world events, some gossip about
people we knew from home, etc.).  Tyler said,

 'I can't believe how comfortable I feel with you. I'd never just sit
around naked with anyone - guy or girl. This just seems natural - normal.
Today was one of the best days I've ever had.  We had incredible sex, spent
the day together, played, ate, talked - and I'm still excited to be here
with you.  I don't want to leave."
 "I don't want to leave either.  I'm not sure why I feel so relaxed with
you.  Maybe it's because you were my first real friend.  It feels like I've
known you forever, but it really hasn't been much more than a year."
 "So you aren't tired of me yet?"
 "No.  I don't think I could ever get tired of you, Tyler."
 "Maybe we were lovers or something in a past life.  Maybe that's why we
feel so comfortable around each other.  Maybe that is why I'm attracted to
you.  It's a mystery.  Hey Brandon.  do you want to sleep with me tonight?"
 "Yea.  I was planning on it unless you don't want to."
 "No.  I want to.  So you've done that before?"
 "Oh.  You mean you want to fuck me.  I thought you just wanted to sleep
together.  I guess I'm gonna have to adapt to some straight terms."  I
laughed.
 "Sorry. Guess I shoulda been more graphic."
 "I've never done it before.  I always figured I'd save that for someone
special."
 "That's cool.'
 "I didn't say you weren't special, Tyler.  The thing is, well, it would be
my first time.  I assume it would be your first time with a guy too -
though I suspect you've 'slept' with lots of girls.  I always wanted you to
be the first I guess, but you'd have to promise to go slow and easy with me
the first time."
 "It's pretty painful huh?"
 "I've read that it can be, but if you do some things as part of foreplay
it makes it much easier.  You can't just shove it in me is the point I'm
trying to make."
 "That's cool.  I'll do what you tell me so it's easier for both of us.
Did you want to fuck me first?  It might be easier that way cause then I'd
know what to do for you, and I'd know what it feels like."
 "You'd let me do that?  I'm not sure I'm hearing that correctly.  You'd
let me put my dick in your ass?"
 "Well yea.  I thought we discussed this and agreed that we'd share the
experiences.  I thought you'd want to do that.  You don't have to if you
don't want to.  I just thought you'd want to try that with me."
 "Hell yea I want to try that.  I just thought you'd never give it up."
 "It might be a one-time deal.  It sounds painful, and it really doesn't
seem like something I'd really want to do again, but this is a time to
experience new things so I'm open to the idea.  I trust you.  I think if
I'm gonna do this at all - well, you're the best one to try it with.  I
know you'd never hurt me on purpose.  I've actually read a little about
anal sex.  Once you get past the idea of what's behind that magic door, it
actually sounds hot.  Guess we'll see."

We weren't ready to jump in the sack and start fucking like bunnies.  I
pulled up a clinical site on the Internet that discussed anal intercourse
and gave a basic 'how to' approach.  It also covered safe sex tips and
rimming.  I knew about this, but I was pretty certain Tyler hadn't thought
about it and even more certain he wouldn't do it.  He read the site with me
and looked at the various pictures.  I thought we had a good understanding
of what to do and what to expect.

 "Brandon.  Do you have some lube and condoms?"
 "I've had a tube since last year.  I guess we should check it to be sure
it is still slippery and isn't all dried up."

I got the tube from a drawer.  It seemed just fine when I opened it.  I
also took out a box of condoms from the drawer.  It was a large box that
hadn't been opened.  When I got them at the beginning of the year I
actually thought I'd have used them all by now.  Just because I wasn't
letting just anyone in my back door didn't mean that I wasn't planning lots
of entries into others.  It just didn't turn out that way.  Tyler looked at
the box of condoms.

 "Fuck.  I hope you aren't planning to use this whole box on me tonight.  I
won't be able to sit through finals."  He laughed.
 "Let's just see where the night leads us."
 "I'm pretty nervous about this, Brandon."
 "Don't be.  If you feel uncomfortable or change your mind, just tell me.
We'll stop right away.  You don't have to do this for me.  I want you to
know that you aren't obligated in any way.  If you are really nervous about
this now, we don't have to do it at all.  We can try another time if you
want."
 "What a.  I mean.  Well how do you want me so you can put the lube on me?"
 "Ty, I was thinking that we'd have a little foreplay first.  I wasn't just
gonna grease you up and shove it in.  I thought we could play a little
first."
 "Oh yea.  Good idea!"
 "You're funny you know."

We got on the bed and started making out.  We kissed each other everywhere.
Tyler was getting more into sex with me - being more physical and more
controlling.  He was more verbal as well, telling me what he liked, when
something felt good, or when he wanted more.  Because he was verbal I guess
I felt more comfortable voicing me needs as well.  This was way different
than anything I had ever experienced before.  The communication really
seemed to improve the sex.  It was like having a verbal map of each other's
body - knowing were the pleasure points were and how best to give the
pleasure to each other.

I think I might have been content just to play with Tyler and have him play
with me.  I really liked all of the stimulation - the touching and kissing
and licking and holding.  Don't get me wrong.  The orgasms were fantastic,
but I really liked just being there with him - knowing I was the one
getting him so worked up and knowing that he was doing the same thing for
me.  Feeling him squirm under my touch and hearing him ask for what he
wanted and needed was enough to get me off without even being touched.

I was committed to rimming Ty, but you have to know I was apprehensive
about it.  The last thing I wanted to experience was the strong odor of
shit or the taste of it.  I knew I wouldn't be able to get past that no
matter how badly I wanted to do it.  I pushed his legs towards his chest
and allowed my sense of smell to make the decision as to how far I would
go.  The scent was more of a concentrated musky odor that was Ty.  It
wasn't at all offensive or repulsive.  I very tentatively licked around the
area.  It really tasted like Ty - only stronger.  I guess since the first
tentative steps were positive, I was decided that I could do this.  My
tongue licked closer to his hole.  Within minutes I was running my tongue
around the hole and pressing it into the center of the puckered opening.  I
could hear that Tyler was enjoying the experience.  It was even more
obvious when he put his hands behind his knees to pull his legs back even
more and open himself to my tongue attack.  Rimming was harder work that I
expected it would be.  My jaw got tired from the workout.

I replaced my tongue with a lubed finger.  It slipped in easily.  I worked
it around until I found his prostate.  His hips jerked suddenly at the
first touch.  Rubbing in and out and grazing his prostate each time seemed
to relax his anal muscles.  I applied more lube and got two fingers inside.
Ty gasped for air when I first pressed in, but I kept moving my fingers
around trying to stretch the muscle - trying to coax it into a relaxed
state.  After several minutes I applied more lube and tried three fingers.
Gaining access was more difficult.  I told Ty to push out.  When he did my
fingers were inside.  I couldn't believe how tight it felt - squeezing my
fingers - gripping them and not allowing much movement at all.  I just held
them inside him until he eventually began to relax more.  I asked if he
wanted to try more.  In a dazed and somewhat unconnected voice he told me
he was ready.  I put on the condom and applied more lube.  I positioned
myself for entry.  I encouraged him to push out as I was pushing in.  The
head of my dick slipped inside, but the grip of the muscle was like that of
a vice grip - squeezing hard around my dick.  I was watching his face for
the reaction.  The entry caused his eyes to open wide at the shock of the
intrusion.  He was taking deep breaths as he willed away the pain and tried
to encourage his muscles to relax.  I could feel the grip on my dick relax
some.  As it did I pushed in more.  When I could see the pained expression
on his face, I stopped to wait for his body to relax.  It seemed to take
forever to get completely inside.  I was keenly aware of the warmth
surrounding my dick like it was inviting me further inside.  When I got
completely inside I leaned down to kiss Ty.  He kissed back then smiled at
me.

 "We made it!  I wasn't sure I could take it.  It feels so big inside me."
 "Does it hurt?  Do you want to stop?"
 "It did, but it feels ok now - just really huge.  Your dick didn't look as
big as it feels inside me."
 "What?  Are you saying I've got a small dick?"  I chuckled.
 "No.  It's about the same as mine, but it just feels like I'm filled up
inside.  I'm just damn glad your dick isn't any bigger.  I don't think I
could hold anything bigger."

I started to pull out and push back in.  I was so wrapped up in the
sensations I was feeling that I completely forgot about Tyler.  It was such
a new and wonderful experience.  There were so many different sensations
traveling from my dick to my brain that I just didn't have room to be
concerned about Ty.  Once the newness of the situation wore down some, I
was able to set a pace that was comfortable and pleasant for both of us.
Tyler found extreme pleasure each time my dick grazed his prostate.  He was
directing my thrusts so that I'd hit it each time.  As I did hit it I would
feel the grip on my dick tighten for a brief moment.

I guess I'd had enough fun exploring because my body took over and set up a
faster pace.  I didn't realize until Tyler shot his load that I was
stroking his dick with the same rhythm that I was pounding his ass.  I was
surprised when he shot.  His ass muscles gripped tightly around my dick and
convulsed with each shot.  That sent me over the edge.  I slammed inside
him hard as I was cumming - trying desperately to get as much of me inside
him as possible.

I collapsed on top of him.  We held each other tightly as we continued to
experience the after shocks and tremors from completely exhausting orgasms.
I felt my dick gradually soften and had a disconnected feeling as it
slipped out of Ty's ass.  I was too tired and too content to move.  We
dozed off holding each other - words didn't need to be exchanged yet.
There was a mutual glow we shared that said all that needed saying for
right now.


and that is the end of Part Two.
I do hope you have enjoyed this section.  I would appreciate your
comments and constructive
criticism.  Send them to:  dselliot28@yahoo.com


Thanks for reading my submissions!

Peace and Love.

ds elliot