Date: Wed, 12 May 2004 18:23:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: ds elliot <dselliot28@yahoo.com>
Subject: Confusion Rains - Part Five  (High School)

Confusion Rains - Part Five

by ds elliot


The story of two gay high school students discovering each other.

All rights reserved. This story may not be distributed on or linked to
any other sites including pay sites without the express permission of the
author.

Copyright 2004.

This story contains descriptions of sexual contact between two young men.
This is a story of intimate sexual contact and discovery. If you are not
of legal age in your area to read stories of this nature or if you are
offended by stories of this nature, please navigate to another site and
stop reading now.

I would appreciate your comments, suggestions, and constructive
criticisms. You can contact the author at: dselliot28@yahoo.com


and now for Part Five....


Waiting for Ty was difficult. More than anything I just wanted to be
alone with my thoughts. I wanted to find some way to blame him for what
we did the night before. I wanted this to be his fault. Inside I knew
that it wasn't his fault, but I wanted to blame him for tricking me into
sex with him. Perhaps what most frustrated me was the knowledge that I
wanted him as much or more than he wanted me. What scared me was the fact
that Tyler, with all of his faults, was the man I wanted to be with. Why
couldn't I just move on? I wanted so much to have what we did last night
on a regular basis. I loved him. He told me he loved me. Was he just
saying that? Did he really mean it when he said it or was it just
something he said to everyone after amazing sex? If he loves me then why
won't he try to change his attitudes and outlooks and behaviors? Why does
he have to be so insecure about his masculinity? He's one hell of a good
looking guy. I'm sure I'm a little prejudiced, but he really is one of
the better looking men on campus. No one would ever guess that he's not
all man. There isn't a single thing he does that could be considered
feminine. Why is this so difficult for us?

The door opened. As I looked at Ty's body wrapped in the towel, I was
consumed by lust. I wanted to strip that towel away and start where we
left off last night. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I pulled out
some of my clean clothes to give to Ty. He dressed and we headed out
towards breakfast. We didn't talk much -- just sat together quietly with
our own thoughts as we ate. Instead of heading back to my room we walked
around campus. He said,

"Brandon, I want you to know that I didn't try to trick you into sex
last night. I wasn't trying to manipulate you in any way. I won't deny
that I wanted to have sex with you. I always want that, but I didn't set
out to take advantage of you. It just started and I couldn't help myself.
I was so into it that I don't think I'd have been able to stop if the
room had been on fire. I don't want you to feel like we did something
wrong."

"I don't think it was wrong - at least not in the sense that it was
something we shouldn't have done. It was wrong for me to allow it to go
in that direction, but I know I wanted what we did at least as much as
you did. I don't blame you for anything. I'd like to blame you, but I
knew where it would lead when we started so it isn't your fault. You
shouldn't feel bad about anything that happened."

"So you're ok with it then?"

"Ty... I want that more than anything. I'd be happy if we could be
together and do that every day -- all day. In my opinion there isn't
anything wrong with the sex we have. I have always found it exciting and
pleasurable and satisfying. I hope you get as much out of it as I do. I
want it to be as much fun for you as it is for me. I think that it must
be because you keep coming back for more. The most difficult thing I do
is try to resist you. When you came back from the shower this morning I
wanted nothing more than to rip that towel off you and start where we
stopped last night."

"You want to head back tot he room?"

"Actually I do, but we aren't going to do that. I love you, Ty -- and
I've heard you tell me you love me. I don't think I know what love is
anymore. I used to think it was finding someone special and sharing this
wonderland of a life together with a 'happily ever after' quality to it.
It just isn't working out that way for us. It seems that we spend more
time hurting each other than loving each other. You've hurt me with your
words and behaviors and I've hurt you with words and my behaviors -- and
then we hurt ourselves by not being able to find a solution to our
problems. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. What scares me is
that I know you aren't really in the same place. That makes me vulnerable
because it opens me up to more hurt. It gives you the chance to have what
you want on your terms, but I already know your terms hurt me. It breaks
my heart when you hurt me. I know you don't intend to do it, but it
happens. I know you're sorry after the fact, but that doesn't ease the
hurt or take away the pain. I've never been a casual sex kind of guy. I
have to feel a connection with the other person before I share that
intimate contact. I know most guys aren't like that -- and I know you
aren't like that. I can't have just a sexual relationship with you
because when we are having sex I'm more involved in it than simply
following an urge to bust a nut. You might want more than just sex with
me -- you've hinted at that, but you just don't seem to be ready for the
responsibility that entails. It's a commitment, Ty. You've got too many
other things in your world to be troubled with making one more
commitment. You've got baseball and school and a scholarship that you're
going to have to work hard to keep this quarter. You don't need the
pressure of another responsibility. I want you to see a therapist and get
your head on straight -- come to terms with who you are and what we're
doing so you can be proud of yourself and me and our shared love. I don't
think there's enough hours in the day to accomplish all of those things.
I hoped withholding sex from you would motivate you to find yourself --
to see a therapist, but it hasn't. All it does is frustrate both of us. I
know if I just continue to having sex with you on your terms I'm going to
be hurt again -- and hurt soon. It's the pattern we've established. A
month or two from now I will see or hear something that will make me feel
like you are ripping my heart out. I don't want that, but I don't want to
deny myself the sex we share either. What the fuck do I do?"

"Brandon, I'm tired of the life I've been living. When we're together my
world is a much happier place. When we aren't I just spend my time
thinking about you. I wonder what you're doing -- if you're dating -- if
you're having sex with someone else. It all drives me crazy. I've known I
liked guys from the time I was 12 or 13. I didn't like it. What kid wants
to be different? I'm trying to accept it and live with it, but it isn't
easy. I was raised by a redneck. This guy didn't like women because my
mom left him. I never blamed her for leaving him, but I do blame her for
not taking me with her. During all my early years I heard him call my mom
a 'damn cunt' or 'tramp' or 'white trash whore'. The stuff I heard about
gays was just as bad or worse. I didn't want to be one. The only things I
knew about gays were the things I heard him say, and all of what he said
was gross and disgusting. With him as my role model is it any wonder I'm
fucked up? The personal struggle has always been hard. I can't tell you
how many times I thought about suicide when I was in high school. It
might have seemed like I was the guy with it all together, but inside I
was a fucked up mess. I hated the fact that I liked guys. I hated the
fact that I couldn't change that no matter how hard I tried. I hated the
fact that I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. I felt ashamed and
embarrassed and alone. Meeting you was good for me. I don't know why I
was first drawn to you, but I felt this connection when we had lunch that
first day. When I saw you all dressed up that first time in normal
clothes, I knew I was sexually attracted to you. I couldn't keep my hands
off you. I jacked off all the time back then thinking about you and what
we'd do. I know I've got a lot of issues to deal with, but I honestly
believe that I can deal with those issues with your help. Please stick
with me. I swear I'll do whatever you want. I can't live like I have been
the last two years. If you tell me to wear a sign that tells the world
I'm gay, I will. I don't want to do that, but I want to be with you more
than I want to play ball. If it means that I lose my place on the team or
my scholarship then I'll deal with it. I'm tired of trying to hide
because it only ends up hurting me more than anyone else -- and I know
how much it's hurt you."

"I don't want you to wear a sign or make any announcements. I really
think my therapist will be able to help you cope -- show you some other
ways to deal with your concerns. It doesn't mean you're crazy or
anything. It just means you're smart enough to know when to ask for
help."

"You know I did see him a couple of times after you recommended him. I
tried, but I was feeling too insecure to deal with going into the center
to talk with a shrink. I'm past that now. I'm really ready to ask for
help and try to take the advice. I know I've asked you for a lot of
chances in the past, and I've blown each one you've given me. Please give
me one more chance, Brandon. I know I don't have any right to ask, but
please don't go out looking for someone else. I don't want to lose you. I
never wanted to lose you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me.
Please believe me -- just one more chance. I promise you won't regret it.
I'll do whatever you say even no sex if that's what you want. Please just
give me this quarter to show you I can be what you want."

"I can do that. I don't want to deny myself the sex though. All that
does is frustrate me, and if we are seeing each other on a regular basis
I already know that I won't be able to control that desire. I don't want
to beat myself up when my resolve melts away, and I don't want to try to
blame you for having that effect on me. I'm very attracted to you. Hey
Ty, when did your mom leave?"

"She left when I was in first grade. She told me that she was going and
couldn't take me along because she didn't know where she was going or
what she would do. She just knew that she couldn't stay with my dad. He
was pretty abusive. I remember they fought all the time -- lots of
yelling and hitting. My mom was really a great person. I know it probably
doesn't seem like it because she left, but she had to save herself. She
use to take me to church on Sunday when I was a kid. I loved going to
church with her. I guess it was the mystery and majesty of the service or
something -- maybe it was just being there with her. My dad never went
with us. It was like a peaceful and private time I got to have with just
her -- with no fighting or yelling -- just mom and me."

"Would you like to go to church with me today? There might be a service
this evening we could attend."

"Actually there is a service at 7:00 this evening. I checked my freshman
year when I was feeling alone and confused and hating myself. I thought
church would help, but I never did go. I would like to go with you
though. It's a Catholic service. Is that ok with you?"

"Sure, it's fine. I've never been to a Catholic service before. My
parents took me to a church when I was younger, but they stopped dragging
me along with them when I was 16 and announced that I didn't want to go.
It was a pretty liberal non-denominational service they attended --
mostly just a lot of bad singing mixed with prayers and a long sermon.
I'm sure it would be much more enjoyable to go with you though."

"Brandon, you won't regret giving me one more chance. I wouldn't believe
me if all of this was the other way around, but you'll see. My problem
hasn't ever been not knowing all this stuff about myself. My problem has
been accepting it. I mean... I've known I was gay for years, but I didn't
want to acknowledge that fact and accept it. I didn't want it to be part
of who I was. I've known that I loved you since the first time I saw the
real you, but I didn't want to admit it and accept it because that meant
that I had to admit that I was gay. I've known that I couldn't live
without you since the first time you left me behind fall quarter of our
freshman year, but I didn't want to admit that I was in love with a guy.
I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that you were more important than
everything else. I've known that when it came down to it I'd sooner tell
the world I was gay than risk losing you if that was what I had to do. I
didn't want it to come to that, but I knew that I would if that is what
it took to keep you. One area where I really have some difficulty still
is what I prefer sexually with you. I know it has something to do with my
confused view of being a man, but I have a hard time accepting the fact
that I prefer to have you inside of me rather than the other way around.
It probably seems like a stupid thing to you, but I don't know, it's just
hard for me to accept. I guess in my confused view of things the man
should always be on top -- should be dominate in the relationship, but I
really enjoy the submissive role. I don't know that I ever would have let
anyone aside from you do that to me. I've thought about that a lot. I
can't imagine ever letting any other guy do that even after finding out
how much I like it that way. I guess that is one for the doc."

"You've made a lot of progress already. I'm proud of you! We'll get
where you're going eventually. The important part is that you're making
progress on your journey to acceptance of yourself. And Ty... You really
are the dominate member of our relationship. You always instigate sex.
You know how to wind me up so tight that I feel like I'm gonna explode.
I've never thought less of you because you prefer the bottom position.
You still seem in control to me. I don't know if you listen to yourself
during sex, but you are constantly telling me what to do and how to do it
to give us both pleasure."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be telling you what to do during sex. I
didn't realize I did that."

"It's ok, Ty. That is communicating. It's one of the things that makes
sex between us great. You tell me what you want and need and how to do it
for you. I really like the help because I get amazing pleasure in return.
You are the one who taught me about sex and teaches me more each time.
I'm not complaining at all. It is the absolute best experience I've ever
had, and I can't imagine it would be any better with anyone else."

"Lets go home..."

Back in the room we held each other for as long as we could. We were all
talked out. There didn't seem to be anything left to say. Ty had a
conditioning class at 2:00. I had lunch with Mark and Lyle at 1:00 so I
had to leave first. I drove to Lyle's apartment. They were both there
waiting for me. They had made lunch for me -- a really nice gesture since
I thought we'd be going to a restaurant. I told them both about what had
been happening over the summer up to our talk today. Mark was encouraged
that Tyler seemed to be on the right track. Our conversation was very
emotional for me. These were the only two guys I felt I could talk with
about Ty and me. When I felt my eyes welling up with tears, the dam
finally broke. I didn't want to cry, but I found that I couldn't stop.
They both tried to comfort me through my tears. As I got up to leave,
Mark pulled me into a strong embrace. Holding me tightly to his chest he
told me that I could always come to them whenever I needed support. He
vowed that he'd be there for both of us as we worked this all out. He
kissed my cheek. Lyle then hugged me and kissed my cheek and reinforced
what Mark had said about being there for us. I thanked them and was
happier to know that I had someone to talk with besides my therapist.
These guys were living proof that we could work. Lyle commented as I was
leaving that Ty and I had to be the most attractive couple on campus. He
had met Tyler a couple of times when visiting Mark at the dorm. He told
me that he didn't think it was possible that there could be anyone better
looking than Mark and Ty until he met me. It wasn't a come on. It was
just Lyle being supportive and sweet. I didn't think anyone was better
looking that Ty. He was a perfect specimen of the college man -- handsome
face, perfect body, great personality -- no one could ever want for more.
I realized that I didn't hurt anyone's eyes when they looked at me, but I
never did see myself as anywhere near Ty's league when it came to looks.
It was nice to be flattered. I guess I needed that.

Ty and I had dinner early then walked the six or so blocks to church.
Going to church wasn't high on my priorities in life, but I did get an
uplifting feeling from the experience -- that whole greater power aspect
of church I guess. It was also good to have one more thing that Ty and I
could share. He seemed even more bolstered by the church service so we
decided to make it a regular part of our weekly routine. I would go for
no other reason than to spend the time with Ty.

Classes didn't start again until Wednesday so we had a few more days to
adjust to college life. It was great to get back in the swing of things.
I did enroll in two evening classes that taught self-defense. Each class
met for 1 ½ hours two days a week. I was taking a boxing class and a
marshal arts class. I really had no idea what to expect from either, but
I was anxious to learn. It would be good to have something physical to do
besides weight lifting and swimming. When I told Ty he decided to take
the marshal arts class with me. I was glad that we had one more thing to
do together. Ty wanted to teach so he was busy with his major. He wanted
to teach History. It always amazed me how knowledgeable he was about
current events as well as world history. I thought he'd be a great
teacher -- I mean what kid wouldn't like to have that handsome man
teaching the class? He also wanted to coach baseball. I know when he was
in high school his dream was to be a professional baseball player, but I
guess he realized just how few players made it to that level. All of a
sudden he seemed to be planning for an alternative reality. I knew if he
got the chance to play pro ball he would certainly take it, but if that
offer didn't come I was glad that he had another plan. I had decided that
I really wanted to work with troubled kids as a counselor. I wasn't yet
certain if I wanted to have a private practice or work as a school
counselor, but either way I knew the direction I was headed.

At dinner Tuesday Tyler told me that he'd spoken to my therapist and made
an appointment for Wednesday evening while I was in my boxing class. I
was glad that he could work with the same man that I had been talking
with for the last two years. I thought it could help him get a jump on
his solutions since I'd certainly shared enough about Ty over that time
to make him well known to the doctor. Ty seemed pleased that he was going
to be seeing the same doc too.

The marshal arts class was awkward at first. Because Ty and I were
similar in size we were often matched to be opponents. I just didn't like
the idea of doing anything that might hurt him -- and we were learning
how to defend ourselves with some basic flips and kicks. That all changed
when Ty flipped me the first time. It didn't so much hurt and shocked me.
Once he did that I realized that it didn't really hurt and if I could
take it then he certainly could. I began to be much more aggressive. The
same seemed to be true in boxing. I was great working out on the bags
alone, but just really didn't want to hit anyone until I got hit first.
Once that happened I didn't have any trouble switching to a more
aggressive role. The coach used to yell at me to start out more
aggressively. I always tried, but it always seemed that the first punch I
took got me motivated to attack. Once I got started I always won the
match. I was light on my feet -- the coach said that -- and was good at
anticipating and evading my opponent. He told me I'd be a natural if I
just would start out attacking.

The final event in the boxing class was the Saturday before finals. We
were all matched with someone from a different class in our weight
division. Each event consisted of three 3-minute rounds with the judges
decision final. I wasn't all that interested in the whole event, but it
was the only way to really test myself to see if I actually learned
anything. By the time the quarter was over it seemed all of us in the
class knew each other's moves pretty well just be virtue of learning
together. Ty wanted to come to my event. I told him I would probably be
there most of the afternoon because I wanted to support the guys in my
class as they had their events. He was interested and still wanted to
come along. There were more people at the event than I expected. It
seemed that everyone had invited friends to view their match and lend
support.

My event was midway into the day. As I learned who I would be boxing I
admit that I was a bit intimidated. He wasn't quite as tall as me, but he
certainly looked much bigger. His arms seemed huge and his legs looked
like tree trunks. The coach gave me a few pointers about his style before
the match. I learned that his game was to hit hard -- going for a
knockout right out of the gate. I was in the ring with the guy from my
class that I usually boxed against. He would be up next. He was dressed
and ready for his round. He was talking with me telling me to go out
aggressively. I was doing all the things we were taught to do to psych
myself up for the match. My classmate punched me hard in the gut. I was
stunned and pissed. He looked at me and told me to pretend that my
opponent just landed the first punch. The bell rang, and his strategy
worked. I was aggressive when the match started. I landed several good
punches to the head and body, but this guy just kept coming back for
more. When he did swing I could see and feel the power of his punches as
the blows glanced off my body. By the middle of the second round I felt I
knew where he was weakest and took my shot. He dropped his guard when he
was getting ready to throw a punch. As his guard came down I put
everything I had into one solid punch to the chin. He went down hard. At
first I was surprised. I was even more surprised when he didn't get back
up. He was just sprawled on the mat -- out cold. I panicked thinking I
killed him. The round was stopped when he didn't get up in the allotted
time. I was kept in my corner despite wanting to go over to him to
apologize and make sure he was still alive. He was revived with smelling
salts and helped up. He was walking around the mat with the help of his
coach. At least he was alive. Ty was going crazy at ringside as I stepped
out. The guys were slapping me on the back and congratulating me. Even
the coach was very impressed with my round. The guys took off my head
gear and gloves. I spit out the mouth protector. Ty was hugging me and
bouncing me around like a sack of potatoes he was so excited. He let me
down when I was called back in the ring for the 'official' results of the
match. My opponent was back in the ring when the ref raised my arm
pronouncing me the winner by a knockout. I congratulated my opponent and
told him I was sorry for the way it ended. He told me not to be sorry
because that is what he was trying to do to me. His comment made me
realize that fighting wasn't about an even match at all. It was only
about winning -- being the last man standing.

Around the end of October Ty had been trying to reach his dad with no
luck. During the first part of November he learned that his home phone
had been disconnected. Ty called one of the guys he new at the factory to
learn that his dad was fired back in late September because he came to
work drunk for about the hundredth time. He hit the supervisor who fired
him and was facing assault charges. In addition to that his dad had also
totaled his truck when he ran into a telephone pole. He didn't have
insurance on the truck so had a ticket for that as well as a DUI because
his alcohol level was over three times the legal limit. He knew that his
dad wasn't in jail right now, but didn't know for sure where he was other
than perhaps at the bar where he usually drank. I offered to take Ty home
that weekend, but he didn't want to deal with his dad right then. He told
me he'd see him at Thanksgiving.

Ty spent Thanksgiving with my family because his dad was a drunken mess.
We both went to Ty's place to see what condition he was in. The house was
a complete mess. Every room was in a shambles. We could smell rotting
food when we opened the door. Ty's dad wasn't around. After checking out
the house we went to the bar where he usually hung out. The owner of that
bar told us he wasn't allowed in there anymore and suggested we check
another place. We did finally find him. He looked like hell. He hadn't
shaved in at least a week and probably hadn't changed clothes in at least
that long. It was impossible to try to talk with him because he kept
repeating the same old shit over and over again. He was drunk and still
being served. Ty tried twice more to see him over that weekend, but he
could never find him outside of the bar. No one knew where he went when
the bar closed, but he wasn't going home any of the nights while we were
in town. Ty and I did our best to clean the place up. We did laundry and
picked up the place and threw away all of the mess in the kitchen. I
offered to buy food for his dad, but Ty said that it would likely just
rot like everything else in the kitchen.

Ty was obviously upset. I know he felt helpless because he couldn't even
get his dad to sober up enough to just talk. He did talk with a long time
neighbor who promised to call Ty at school if there was any problem. He
also talked with one of the guys who'd been a friend of his dads asking
him to check on him once in a while and to call Ty if there were any
problems.

I was asked to tutor one of the freshmen who was having difficulty with a
basic English class. I had done well in the class and considered the
instructor a friend because we just seemed to hit it off. The guy I was
tutoring was the typical boy next door/everyone's little brother type.
You couldn't help but like the guy. He was funny -- the class clown in
high school I'm certain -- and basically a little lazy when it came to
his study habits. I suspected he got his grades back then because of his
charm, sense of humor, and his innocent looks. The sessions were supposed
to be two one-hour sessions each week, but quickly turned into more
frequently when he, Tony, would drop by my room under the pretext of
needing help with something or another. Those visits usually turned into
sessions of horsing around and occasionally wrestling matches that I
always won despite his efforts to get the better of me. I'd been tutoring
him for about three weeks when the opportunity arose to introduce him to
Ty. Tyler took an immediate dislike to the guy. That was really unusual
for Ty because he was normally the guy who liked everyone -- Mr.
Congeniality. Tony would occasionally see us at dinner and join us. Ty
would tolerate his presence at the table, but really didn't go out of his
way to be nice. On a couple of occasions Tony would find me in the dining
hall and would join me before Ty would show up. That really seemed to
upset Ty more than anything. When I asked Ty about it he said.

"Can't you see that he is just looking to get into your pants? It so
obvious that he wants you."

"Ty... What are you talking about? He's never done anything to indicate
to me that he's gay or wants to do something like that."

"Trust me! That's what he's after. I don't trust the guy. I don't like
it when you see him."

"That seems a little bit of an over reaction. I just tutor the guy and
he sometimes has a meal with us or stops by the room to visit. I think
he's just having some trouble adjusting to college life -- first time
away from home kind of thing. I think he's just looking for a friend is
all. He's never even asked if I'm gay or anything like that. I just don't
know where you get that he's gay."

"I just know it. I don't know how I know it, but I know he is gay. I
know he's after you. I don't like it."

"Do you trust me?"

"Sure I trust you. I just don't trust him."

"I would never do anything to mess up what you and I have going. I've
waited a long time for us to get to the point where we are now. I'm
totally happy with you and have no desire to have sex with anyone else.
Tony might be cute, but he's like a little brother. I don't find him
sexually attractive."

"So you think he's cute?"

"Ty. you missed the whole point of what I was trying to say. I don't
want anyone but you period. If my tutoring him bothers you or if you
don't like having him join us while we eat then I will find him another
tutor and tell him that I can't be his friend. I don't see a problem
really -- even if he did see me sexually and wanted something more I
wouldn't let that happen. What I have with you is too important to
jeopardize so if it bothers you as much as you're telling me I will talk
with Tony tomorrow."

"I guess I'm being jealous and over protective. I know you can handle
yourself, I just don't trust him. I'll try to have an open mind about
him. If he ever tries anything though I will beat the crap out of him. No
one messes with my man."

"You are so cute when you're jealous. That's a side of you I haven't
seen before. Why don't you come over here so I can show you just how much
I want only you?"

Needless to say, great sex followed that conversation. I don't see how Ty
could ever question my love and devotion to him after that round of love
making. I certainly did my best to show him that he was the only man I
wanted in my life. I did notice a few weeks later that Tony did become
more physical -- seeming to touch me more -- a hand on my thigh or back,
more playful punches, just more touchy-feely in general. I confronted
Tony about his actions. I think I scared him at first, but when he
realized that I wasn't going to physically hurt him he calmed down to the
point were we could discuss his behavior and desires. Tyler was right --
Tony was gay and did find me attractive. He didn't know for certain if Ty
and I were a couple, but he didn't like Ty either though didn't have a
specific reason for not liking him. I tried to let Tony down easy by
telling him how flattered I was that he was interested in me that way,
but that I just wasn't at that point in my life. I didn't tell him I was
gay and he didn't ask. I did tell him that he would find someone. I also
told him that I'd be happy to continue as his tutor and friend if he felt
he could set aside his sexual attraction to me. He wanted to try. When I
told Ty about that talk with Tony, he seemed much happier. The result was
that he was much nicer to Tony when we did see him around campus or at a
meal. Gradually we were all becoming friends.

Ty had been attending regular sessions with the therapist and seemed to
be making progress in dealing with his issues. The therapist was
encouraging him to come out to someone besides me. Ty and I talked about
it for weeks before he actually decided that he was willing to take that
chance. The doctor had suggested a family member or friend from home so
that he didn't disrupt his life at school, but Tyler couldn't really
think of anyone at home he wanted to tell. His dad was out if for no
other reason than that he was likely too drunk to even know what he was
saying. Tyler finally decided that he would tell his roommate, Mark. I
was extremely pleased with his choice because of what I knew and Ty
didn't. I wasn't going to make it easier for him either. He had to do
this all on his own if he was going to do it. It was important for him to
know all of the emotion that went into that decision to tell someone. He
had to decide that he was ready to come out and face all of the unknowns
everyone else faces. Ty continued to labor over the decision for several
days before he told me that he was going to tell him on a Thursday
evening. I called Mark to alert him that Ty was planning to come out to
him that week. Mark suggested that I should be at Lyle's so that he and
Ty could walk over after their talk and celebrate his coming out. I
thought that would be an excellent idea. Lyle called me the next day to
make arrangements for the celebration. I gave Lyle money for a couple
bottles of good champagne. I would go to their place while Ty was with
Mark. After Ty told Mark, Mark was going to come out to Ty. After that
they would walk over to Lyle's which was just a short walk from campus. I
asked Mark not to tell Ty I would be there or that I knew about them. He
agreed that it would be great to see the look of surprise on Ty's face
when he realized that I already knew.

Listening to the replay of the talk Mark and Ty had in their room seemed
a mix of trepidation on both their parts since Mark was as anxious as Ty
to get the news out but just as scared. It took Ty about an hour of
hemming and hawing around to finally get to the point. When he did tell
Mark he whispered it to him. At the point when Ty finally said it, Mark
said that it seemed this huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
Mark held out his hand to shake Ty's. As Ty took his had Mark pulled him
out of his chair and hugged him. When they pulled back from each other
Mark told him he was glad that Ty finally found his balls and could tell
him what he already knew. Ty was floored and of course wanted to know how
he knew. That was when Mark told Ty that he was gay too. Mark said that
Ty nearly collapsed on the floor with that news. They both hugged some
more and shed tears of relief at finally getting their news out to the
other. That was when Mark told Ty that he wanted to take him to meet his
partner. All the way to Lyle's apartment Ty was talking about how he just
assumed that he was going to his girlfriends place all this time. Ty
couldn't believe that they'd been roommates for over two years and he
didn't suspect a thing. Ty was also anxious for Mark to meet his partner
and wanted to call me to tell me the news. Mark told him he could tell me
from Lyle's, but Ty never expected me to be sitting on the sofa when he
walked into the apartment.

The look on Ty's face was priceless. It was one of disbelief and
confusion and a million questions. Lyle opened the champagne and poured
everyone a glass. Mark made a toast. We all clicked glasses and took a
drink. After the drink Mark told Ty that he came to talk to me before
finals the first year. He told Ty that he told me he was gay and was
concerned about him. Mark explained everything to Ty who listened in
disbelief. Ty grabbed me around the neck in a very playful manner and
asked me why I didn't tell him. I explained that it was Mark's choice to
come out to him and not mine to out him. Ty understood and really seemed
so much more secure with the knowledge that there were friends he could
trust. Ty immediately started talking about how great it would be if we
could set up the same arrangement Mark and Lyle had with the apartment
off campus. I told him that we could have had that already this year if
he hadn't fucked up so badly during the summer. Ty just laughed and said
that if he'd only known it was possible to have this he would have been a
good boy. I laughed at that.

Ty and I both finished with fall quarter finals on Wednesday. We decided
to stay on campus until Saturday to check out some local apartments so we
could see what was available and check prices. Ty had also talked with
Mark about staying with Lyle that Wednesday night because Ty wanted to
have sex with me in their room. I didn't understand the point of going
there when we had the privacy of my room, but Ty was insistent that we do
it in his room at least once and Wednesday was our night to do it. We
went to the room after dinner and did have great sex. The room didn't
make it any better, but it was always fun to have a change of scenery. We
slept in Ty's bed until the phone rang in the middle of the night. Ty
climbed over me to get the phone. It woke me too so I was sitting up when
he answered it. From Ty's side of the conversation I could tell that
something was wrong, but I couldn't make out what exactly. When he hung
up the phone he told me that his dad had been found dead. I held Ty as he
cried at the news. I don't think anything can ever prepare one for the
loss of a parent even if that person hasn't been the best parent. Ty had
often told me that his dad was going to drink himself to death, but
neither of us thought it would be so soon. Ty told me that they didn't
know the cause of death yet but that an autopsy was scheduled.

Tyler slumped down on his bed while I busied myself with packing his
things for our trip home. I grabbed everything I thought he would need
for the nearly three weeks of winter break. When I finished with his
things I brought him with me to my room where he sat on the bed while I
packed my clothes. When I had all of our stuff ready I took the bags to
the car then went back to get Ty. We left for home. It was just after
5:00 when we pulled into my parents house. There were no lights on yet,
which wasn't unusual at this early hour. My parents were light sleepers
or so it always seemed because I could never sneak in late when I was a
kid -- they always knew when I came home. This time was no different. I
took Ty down to my room, pulled back the covers then sat him on the bed.
I took off his shoes then pulled the blanket over him. He hadn't talked
much since the news. I thought he was probably in a mild state of shock.
When I turned to leave the room I saw my dad at the door. I closed the
door to my room and told my dad the news as we walked down the hall
toward the kitchen. He had just started a pot of coffee when my mom
joined us in the kitchen. I told her about Ty's dad. They both knew from
our trip home at Thanksgiving that Ty's dad was drinking a lot, but none
of us knew it was as bad as it now seemed to be. My mom started to make a
list of all the things that would need to be done for the funeral. I
hadn't even gotten to that point in my thought process yet.

My mom started breakfast just after 7:00. When it was nearly ready I went
to check on Ty. If he was sleeping I planned to let him sleep, but he was
just staring at the wall. He had tears in his eyes and the pillow was
damp. I helped him up then took him to the bathroom. I moistened a towel
and wiped his face of the tears. He seemed so out of it. I took him to
the table in the kitchen and got him seated. He did eat, but it seemed to
be out of habit and not hunger. I don't think he tasted a single bite,
but at least he'd have a full stomach. When he finished eating he held my
mom and just cried. She did her motherly thing to comfort him yet allowed
him to get rid of all the emotions he was holding inside. I thought he'd
never stop crying. I found that I too had tears streaming down my face as
I watched and listened to Ty's pain.

Ty looked so drained when he released my mom. There was such sadness in
his eyes. My mom told me that Ty needed to rest. She told me to go with
him to bed to get some sleep. Dad told us he'd make some calls and start
making the necessary arrangements. Ty just nodded and walked with me to
my room. I took off Ty's clothes and helped him into bed. I stripped down
and climbed in with him. I wrapped my arms around him and we drifted off
to sleep. It was mid afternoon when we got out of bed. Ty looked better
for the rest he'd had, but he still wasn't looking his best. We showered
and dressed for the rest of the day. Ty wanted to go by his house just to
see what was up there. The place was a mess again as we walked through
the house. I think Ty was at least trying to relive happier times he'd
had there. I didn't know if there were any, but I hoped for his sake he
could find some to help give him closure. After that he wanted to get
more information so we went to the police station. Ty couldn't remember
who called him at school, but the officer at the desk did some checking
and found out who it was. The detective on the case came down to greet us
and escorted us to a back room where we could talk in private. In the
room Ty learned that his dad was found behind the bar were he'd been
drinking. From talking to the owner of the bar the detective had learned
that Ty's dad had been drinking in the bar that evening but had left at
closing. The bartender confirmed that his dad was drunk, but not anymore
so that usual for him. The detective told us that there was an empty
bottle found next to my dad that wasn't stocked by the bar. It appeared
that he drank that bottle of 100 proof vodka after the bar closed. It
also appeared from their initial examination that he died of alcohol
poisoning. The detective told us that the autopsy was done that day. He
was just waiting for the results to be delivered. He didn't expect to
know anything more until tomorrow. He did tell Ty that the body could be
released to the funeral home so just let the funeral home know that. Ty
looked at me with a forlorn look. The information didn't surprise either
of us, but that didn't make it any easier to hear. Ty thanked the
detective as we left. On the drive Ty asked what he should do about a
funeral. I told him that my parents would have more information. He said
that he felt so helpless. I told him not to worry that my parents and I
were there for him. We'd do whatever needed to be done.

My mom had contacted a local cemetery to arrange for their mortuary to
handle all aspects of the funeral. When we got home Ty was asked if the
arrangements made thus far were ok. He agreed with everything saying that
he didn't really even know where to start. My mother then called the
mortuary to pick up the body. Ty and I went to church on Sunday -- the
church he and his mother attended many years before. When the service was
over, Ty seemed bolstered and ready to face the next challenge -- picking
out a casket. He selected a plain wooden model that was beautiful in it's
simplicity. He asked to see the body. The people at the mortuary didn't
want Ty to do that, but he insisted. He held my hand as we were led to a
back room. The temperature was cold in the room. Ty was gripping my hand
hard as the body was brought into view. I couldn't believe how his dad
looked. He was nothing of the man I remembered. Ty was perhaps even more
shocked. I don't think I'd ever seen a dead body before. It was a lonely
experience that left me with a hollow, empty feeling in my stomach. The
man who had been helping us asked if it should be an open or closed
casket. Ty didn't know how to answer. I told the guy that my parents
would contact him with all of the necessary information later in the day.
He gave me his card before we left.

My mother suggested an open casket. Ty and I went back to his home to
pick out clothes for his father and to find a recent picture for the
mortuary. That task finished, Ty made some phone calls to people his dad
knew to tell them of his death. The funeral was scheduled for Wednesday
morning so Ty was able to tell that to the people he called. I think Ty
felt better knowing that people did care about his father. I also think
he got a lot of moral support from most if not all of the people he
called. Ty's dad's closest friend called my mother Sunday evening to let
her know that he wanted to host a gathering after the funeral at his home
for those who attended the service. My parents readily agreed because I'm
sure they were already in further than they wanted to be. They never said
a word about the costs that were mounting up. I didn't ask about the
costs, but I suspected they would be considerable by the time it was
over. There would be a viewing Tuesday evening prior to the funeral. My
parents told me to get Ty a decent suit for the funeral. I picked up a
suit off the rack at Penny's on Monday because there wasn't time for
tailoring. I also bought him a pair of black shoes and a dress shirt and
tie. As I was shopping for him I couldn't help remember back to the high
school prom when we did this on a much happier occasion.

Ty was in good spirits by Tuesday afternoon. He wasn't happy by any
means, but the dark cloud seemed to be lifting some. Ty and I went to the
mortuary together for the viewing. We were the first to arrive. When we
viewed the body Ty was amazed at the change in his dad's appearance. He
now looked like a decent and respected member of the community rather
than a town drunk. Ty commented on the change. He told me he was glad
that my mom insisted on an open casket because he'd rather remember his
father this way than the way he saw him Sunday. There were several flower
arrangements around the casket in the viewing room. We looked at the
cards as we talked about the people they were from. I didn't know most of
the names, but I did recognize some from members of our high school
class. Mark and Lyle had sent an arrangement. I think Ty was shocked that
they knew. I told him I called them because we were supposed to all get
together before we left campus. People started to filter in to the room.
Ty shook hands and hugged those who came. One man in particular seemed to
be closer to Ty than all of the others. Ty introduced me to most of the
people as his friend, but to this one man Ty introduced me as his
partner. I was more than a little shocked, but tried not to let the pride
I was feeling show as I was elevated to that level.

The funeral was bleak, but how could one expect anything more. It was
held in a small chapel at the cemetery just a short distance from the
burial plot. My mom had arranged with a local minister to perform the
service. Ty's dad's friend supplied most of the personal information. It
sounded like the minister had known Ty's dad all his life. A few people
spoke after the main service primarily offering fond memories of past
events and all wishing Ty the best with his future. One thing that
surprised me was that the chapel was nearly full for the service.

At the gathering after the service nearly all of the people who attended
the funeral showed up. Most stayed long enough to relive some happier
times with Ty and enjoy some of the food prepared for the luncheon. The
women fawned over Ty and me to a certain extent while the men regaled
stories of amusing times from years past or job related experiences. Ty
didn't let me too far out of his sight -- always wandering back toward me
as we strayed apart. We all left around 3:00, but not before Ty sincerely
thanked the man who hosted the event. He made a point of letting Ty know
that he would do whatever he could to help him out and then
congratulating both of us and wishing us well.

Ty napped that afternoon. I think the stress of the last several days had
finally caught up with him. He slept until dinner that evening He was
somber at dinner, but not at all depressed. He talked about his dad and
some of the funnier and happier stories told that afternoon. I was glad
that Ty had those memories, and I hoped they would replace all of the bad
ones from more recent times.

Thursday morning my dad told Ty that they needed to talk about some
things that needed his attention. They went into the living room together
while I stayed at the kitchen table talking with my mom. Ty came back to
get me to join him and my dad. My dad told Ty that he didn't want to rush
him into anything, but that he did need to make a few decisions before he
went back to school. The house Ty grew up in was now his. It was paid for
so he didn't have any financial responsibilities with the house. He also
mentioned that his dad had a life insurance policy that would be coming
to Ty within the next few weeks. It wasn't for a lot of money -- about
$50,000.00, but it would help defray the costs of school for Ty. There
was also a checking and savings account with some money in it, but not
all that much. Ty's dad also had a safe deposit box at the same bank that
now belonged to Ty. There was a will that was very basic in nature and
left everything to Ty. My dad had a lawyer acquaintance make sure
everything was in place and titles transferred so that there were no
hassles for Ty. My dad told Ty that the first thing he should do is take
whatever money was in his dad's accounts and put it into his. He should
also empty the safe deposit box and if need be open another one in his
name. He also asked Ty to think about what he wanted to do with the house
-- keep it or sell it. My dad told him that he didn't need to rush to any
decision with the house, but that he should consider his options over the
next few months.

Ty asked about the cost of the funeral and whether or not the funeral
home would be willing to wait until the life insurance arrived. My dad
told him that he had paid for everything. Ty told him that he would repay
him as soon as he could. The cost of the burial was just over $7500.00. I
never thought it would be so much, but then what do you do when you have
to bury someone? There aren't a lot of choices and shopping around isn't
really practical. My dad told Ty that there may be some outstanding bills
his dad had that would have to be settled. He asked Ty to have the mail
from his home forwarded to either my parent's home or his school address
so that nothing would get missed. My dad also told Ty that the man who
hosted the gathering after the funeral told him that the union his dad
belonged to had some death benefits. He thought Ty's dad was still a
member so would check into that and let him know.

On Saturday Ty asked me if I'd like to go with him to the house. He told
me that he really thought he should clean it up as much as possible so it
didn't end up in worse shape that it already was. I agreed to go help.
Dressed in our grubby clothes and loaded down with cleaning supplies from
my mother we headed to work on Ty's house. We picked up all the trash and
emptied any food items including canned things into the bags. We had ten
large trash bags filled with trash and food stuffs. We started cleaning
in the kitchen. Ty tackled the stove while I started on the fridge. After
the kitchen we started on the bathroom. When that was done we stripped
sheets and bedding from the two bedrooms and started washing them. We
dusted each of the bedrooms and cleaned mirrors and windows and vacuumed
the floors. We took a break at the kitchen table. As we were sitting
there Ty asked,

"What do you think we should do?"

"About what?"

"About this house. Should we sell it? I guess it doesn't make much sense
to keep it. Who knows where we'll end up after school."

"Where did you think you'd go before all of this?"

"I guess I assumed that I'd just come back here. I don't mean this house
necessarily, but back to this city. Where did you plan to go after
college?"

"I guess I really haven't thought about that all that much. I guess I'd
go wherever the job I got put me."

"Should we keep it? We could end up back here. If we do then we'd at
least have a place to live that didn't cost anything -- or at least very
little. We could always apply for jobs here."

"Ty... You keep saying 'we', but this is really your choice to make.
This is your house."

"I thought we were together -- you know partners. Are you bailing on
me?"

"No, of course not. It's just that this was left to you. It is where you
grew up. You have to decide what is best for you."

"I think we have to decide what is best for us. If we are going to be
together and really be partners then it has to be everything don't you
think? I don't want to decide something this major without both of us
participating in the process and deciding together. It effects both of
our lives if we are going to be together."

"Ty... Until the day of the funeral I'd never heard you refer to me as
your partner. I was surprised when you introduced me that way to your
dad's friend. I thought it was just a slip at the time, but you are doing
it again now. Do you really see us as a couple?"

"Yes I do. I introduced you to Russ as my partner because it's true. I
know you don't know him, but he's the guy I used to run to if my dad was
drunk and beating on me. They used to live just a few doors down from us.
He'd always come over here and settle my dad down. A couple of times I
think he might have even smacked my dad around because my dad would have
a black eye when I next saw him. He never said anything to me about that
stuff, but he always tried to make sure I was safe and my dad was buying
food instead of booze. I guess I figured if anyone should know and could
deal with it then he'd be the one. It's like I almost came out to someone
here at home. That was a big step, but one I feel good about making."

"Ty... I love you so much."

"I love you too, Brandon. I don't think I ever could have survived this
without you and your family. They are really great people. I hope I'm
half as decent as they are one day. I don't want to hang a sign over the
door or anything, but I really am tired of hiding. This thing with my dad
kind of woke me up I guess. It scares me to think that I could have
easily ended up the same way. He was bitter and unhappy his whole life --
or at least what I saw of it. He never moved on and got past whatever it
was that made him so unhappy. What made me unhappy was not being with
you. When I think that I could have ended up like him in an unhappy
marriage with a kid I didn't want, being verbally and physically abusive
-- a light came on for me. I was headed there too. I never did know why
my dad was unhappy. I don't know if he even knew. I did know... You
helped me find the courage to accept what I already knew. You saved me
from a similar fate. I do want to be with you. I know it isn't going to
be easy. It hasn't been easy yet, but most of that has been my fault. I
know it will get better. I promise."

Ty then held both of my hands in his and knelt on the floor in front of
me and said...

"Brandon.. Will you commit to loving me for the rest of your life? Will
you promise to love me, honor me, respect me, obey me, and all of the
other stuff that is in those wedding vows?"

With tears running down my cheeks, I knelt on the floor with Ty and
said...

"Ty... I will commit to loving you for the rest of my life. I will
promise to love you and honor you and respect you. I'm not so sure about
the obey you part and I can't remember what all of the rest of the vows
say, but I'll do them out of sheer love for you. Will you do the same for
me?"

"I will! I will even obey you. You've never steered me wrong so far. I
trust you with my heart. You are the best part of my life -- the best
thing that has ever happened to me in all my 20 years. I can't see that
ever changing. I love you so much. I'll never want to be with anyone
else. You're more than just my love, you are my soul mate -- my reason
for living and succeeding. You give me the will to go on when I think
that I can't."

We just held each other as we knelt on the floor. We hugged and kissed
and sobbed for a good ten minutes when we heard my mother say...

"Boys, that was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. That was such
a complete and tender and romantic thing to say to each other. It brought
tears to my eyes, and I have a lump in my throat. That was just
beautiful. I love you both so much!"

Ty and I both blushed. Ty inadvertently came out to another person.
Granted she already knew, but Ty told her by what she overheard. Ty
looked at mom and said...

"Mrs. Hayes. I want you to know that I love your son and would like your
permission to be with him for the rest of our lives."

My mother, in little fits of sobs and laughs said...

"Oh God Ty... that was the nicest thing I've ever been asked. Take him!
He's all yours. I thought we'd never get rid of him. He is so damn
stubborn and obstinate sometimes. Wait till I tell your father. He will
be so relieved to know that we've finally got you married off."

"Mom..." I whined. "I'm not really that bad. If you keep that up, Ty
is likely to change his mind."

"You're right son... Ty he really is a good boy. He doesn't always mind
well, but he hasn't caused us too much grief. We really are proud of him.
Please don't try to rescind your offer. We have a 'no return' policy at
our house."

Ty was rolling on the floor laughing and holding his stomach. I was
laughing too. My mother calmed the laughter when she said...

"Seeing you two so happy together really makes me... oh gosh what is the
word I'm looking for... horny? Yes, I think that's the word. I came to
offer you some help cleaning, but I think I'm going to go home and see if
I can't get Ben in the mood. Be good boys and don't come home for a few
hours, please. Oh and I think we'll be going out for dinner tonight. I
won't be cooking in the kitchen if you know what I mean..."

"Oh God! Mom! That was really too much information. I can't believe you
sometimes." I said ,blushing a very bright red.

"What? You think you're the only ones with any passion in your lives?
"You think all your father and I do is watch TV?"

Ty was still laughing and sputtering as he rolled around on the floor. He
grabbed me and pulled me down with him trying to tickle me to make me
laugh along with him. I did laugh as we bid my mother good luck and lost
of fun. Ty yelled after her to make sure they used protection so there
wasn't another little one like me in a few months. She was smiling and
still laughing as she went out the door.

"God, Ty... I can't believe my mother. She has never talked like that
before. I'm really embarrassed. I'm sorry you had to hear all of that."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed. I think your mom is great! Besides, what
to you think they do all the time -- watch TV?" he roared with laughter.

Completely out of breath we eventually got to our feet and continued with
the cleaning. We got home about 5:30. We both showered and changed. We
were indeed going out to dinner so it appeared my parents made good use
of their time alone. I really didn't want that picture in my mind, but
still thought it was great that they still loved each other and expressed
it. I hoped Ty and I would be doing that same thing when we were their
age.


and that brings me to the end of Part Five....


Thanks for reading my story.

Please share your comments and constructive criticisms with me at:
dselliot28@yahoo.com

Please try my other stories on Nifty...

"College Life" in the 'college' section - last updated May 1.

"Walk in the Park" in the 'beginnings' section - last updated April 19.


Thanks for reading my submissions!

Peace and Love.

ds elliot