Date: Tue, 01 Mar 2005 21:05:26 -0500
From: Damien Seul <damien_seul@hotmail.com>
Subject: Damiens Journal #5

Disclaimer: This story was eventually to be about the relationship between
two gay teenaged boys. But there is no need to worry about homosexual
relations now.  This chapter will tell you why. The names have been changed
but the events are mostly true. If it is illegal to view such material in
your area, please leave now.

Nifty;'Damien's Journal #5'{Damien Seul}( BB real teen2 slow )[5!5]


AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is, unfortunetly, the last chapter of Damien's Journal.
Love sucks.  Unfortunetly, life goes on and you'll all see why. This
chapter will be extremely short


Previously:

	Tomorrow marks the first day I'll see him after the running of our
play.  I'll have to ask him if he can find time now. I guess I'll find more
answers tomorrow.  Until tomorrow, journal, I'll wonder and maybe dream
about what could have been.


Damien's Journal
(c) 2005 Damien Seul


	Well, I was wrong. I didn't go to school all week. Monday we had a
snow day. Then Tuesday through Thursday I was extremely sick. Friday was my
first day back and everything had really died down. Not much happened until
the next weekend after band festival. The day after festival, myself and 2
other friends were driving around, bored out of their minds.  I called up
Aaron and invited him along. By this time, I had decided that I was very
much over him. So I just wanted a cuddle buddy so that my friends wouldn't
feel so awkward making out. (They were dating.)

	He completely got the wrong message and thought that I was coming
on to him. That was very awkward. The two "couples" in the car split and
the driver went to drive somewhere else.  I climbed into the back with his
girlfriend and talked to her for a while.  The rest of that night consisted
of her and I talking in the back seat, cuddling because I didn't get to
cuddle with anyone while we were parked, and then me laying by myself in
the back.  I went home and had to sleep with my pillow clutched close to my
chest again.

	Sunday came and went and before I know it, it was Monday. I had
decided to write him a note explaining some of my concerns to him. I gave
it to him and he never said a word about it. The next day we had a huge
snow storm, school was cancelled. I got to talking to a few people online
and suddenly he came online. I was a little upset with him because he still
hadn't talked to me about the note. I started a conversation with him. It
went something like this:

Damien (12:00pm) : so.. do you just not want to talk to me anymore?

Damien (12:03pm) : apparently not

Aaron (12:03pm) : ????????????????????????????????????????????????

Damien (12:03pm) : you've barely said 2 words to me since Saturday.

Aaron (12:04PM) : ...so... i havent had a chance to

Damien (12:04pm) : it's been almost 3 days

Aaron (12:05pm) : whats your point

Damien (12:05pm) : apparently you didn't read the note or you would already
know my point

Aaron (12:06pm) : WHATS GOING ON WITH ME IS MY BUSINESS ( I REALLY DON'T
CARE ABOUT SATURDAY)

Damien (12:06pm) : there just never seems to be any way to get through to
you

Damien (12:06pm) : do you not understand that your friends care about you?

Aaron (12:06pm) : ITS MY SPIRITUAL BUSINESS, STUFF THAT ONLY I CAN DO...

( If you'd read Brownie Points, you'd know that he's Wiccan. )

Damien (12:08pm) : in all honesty, I feel like I knew you much better back
during Li'l Abner

Aaron (12:09pm) : well then you didnt know me that well did you

Damien (12:10pm) : how can I know you very well if you don't talk to me?
Even if it isn't about your spiritual business. How can you say that we're
friends if all we ever get a chance to say to each other is, "hey"

	At this point, he completely went offline. I was so angry that I
wrote him an e-mail.  There were a total of 5 e-mails sent back and
forth. Detailed below:


From: Damien To: Aaron Subject: (none)

Message: I don't know what to say to you anymore. You seem so different
towards me now. I can't seem to get you to understand that I'm worried
about you. Not just me, but others are, too. It doesn't matter if you're
the only one who can do anything about it. Friends can still be here for
you. Obviously you haven't had the most trustworthy confidantes in the
past. But, I can't stand by while I can tell that a friend of mine is in
pain of some sort or the other. Because by doing so, I would feel like I'm
failing them. Just like I said in the note, I don't care who you tell, but
you've told me before that you can't just let it bottle up inside. You were
there for me in my darkest time, please let me be there for you!


From: Aaron To: Damien Subject: RE: Oh my freakin' Gods

Message: Oh my Lords and Ladies!! First of all, you need to stay out of
other people's business.  Second, I havent been feeling well lately and
that has been really draggin me down. For the past three weeks its been "I
don't want to do this...  I'm so sick...  All I want to do is stay in bed
and do nothing, but no I have to do 5 huge assignments instead." And I know
that I have people who care about me, and i know that they are there
because they have always been there and I trust them, and i have talked to
people about my spiritual problems, JUST NOT YOU BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HANDLE
IT OR HELP ME WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its matters of the High Counsil
that is to be kept in the High Counsil. And it is matters of my mind that
needs to stay in my mind until i can sort it out!!!!!!!!!!!!! So Please
Just Bud The Hell Out!


From: Damien To: Aaron Subject: RE: Oh my freakin' Gods

Message: I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOUR FUCKING "SPIRITUAL
PROBLEMS!!!!!!" I'm not stupid! I don't want you to tell me things that are
going on with the "High Counsil." I couldn't care less any more about the
coven. If you want me to butt out, fine. It was nice being your "friend"
but obviously you don't appreciate your friends unless they're on your
fucking precious "high cousil." I hate to be the barer of bad news but IT'S
FUCKING BULLSHIT!  People who hear voices and have dreams telling them that
demons are after them? That's called being mentally unstable. If you choose
to associate with them, that's your business now.  You have showed me that
you really don't want to be my friend so I guess you've laid the dynomite
on the foundations of our friendship and I'm igniting it.


From: Aaron To: Damien Subject: RE: Oh my freakin' Gods

Message: I dont care. I dont have any problems that i need to talk about
with anyone.  I have just be down lately because i havent had a lot of time
to myself and have been sick, more than you would know. Over the past 3
weeks i have had strep throat, ear aches, sinus infections and fever. they
just came on after the other and wouldnt relent. That is my only problem
other than being nervous about auditions and district festival and
homework... but i dont really fucking care about telling you anything
anymore. And by the way i never ask you to be there for my spiritual
problems or to be there for any thing. so youre a crazy bastard and have a
semi-okay life jack ass.


From: Damien To: Aaron Subject: RE: Oh my freakin' Gods

Message: I never wanted to know about your spiritual problems. You never
asked me for help with them and I never asked specifically about them. I'm
the crazy one for wanting to be your friend?  That's a new one to
me. Apparently I was crazy enough to actually like you at one point in
time. Just remember that I have so much dirt on you that it would KILL you.
I don't think you realize what you've done.


	There wasn't a response when I got back home from hanging out with
other friends, about 6 hours later. So it goes to show that sometimes
things don't work out all picturesque and fairy-tale like. I think what
makes this story even more sad is the fact that it's all true. These all
have been real life accounts from my perspective. The IM convo was real,
copied straight from my history. And the e-mails were real, copied from my
inbox. As always, comments are welcome at damien_seul@hotmail.com. Thanks
for taking the time to listen to part of my life.


Damien