Date: Sun, 15 Aug 2004 13:20:20 -0400
From: Just Jake <mission_hockey_4_life@hotmail.com>
Subject: Dear Journal II (high school)

This story is a work of fiction and any resemblances to  any
person or written works are purely coincidental.  The author
retains all rights to the work, and requests that in any use
of  this  material that my rights are respected.  Please  do
not  copy  or  use  this  story in  any  manner  without  my
permission.   It  may contain consensual sex  between  young
men,  or  at least thoughts of it.  You've found  this  site
like  the  rest of us so the assumption is that material  of
this  nature  does not offend you.  If it  does,  or  it  is
illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason
please just keep on passing by.

Hopefully you liked Part 1 of this new story.  I'm trying to
keep  it at least as real as From the Heart of a Little Guy,
if not even more honest.  (Like I've said at the end of that
story,  sort  of ignore the "Flash Forward to Today  Ending"
and it will flow seamlessly I hope.)  Thanks for reading!

As always, please read of your own free will, and direct any
positive   comments,  constructive  criticism   or   general
feedback to: mission_hockey_4_life@hotmail.com.

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

Dear Journal:

Songs define so many feelings and situations.  In the moment, my mind is
always pulling up lyrics from the depths of memory.  Hundreds of
songs come to mind relating to the loss of love.  Often ballads.
They seem so beautiful when you are in love that you don't really
focus on the subject matter, but once your hearts been hurt like I
said, literally hundreds come to mind.  Normally when I feel loss
I've favoured Dokken's Alone Again, but lately all I keep thinking
of is this one song.  It's old now, it's from a mostly unknown band
named Europe.  In fact it was bootlegged from a 1989 concert in Los
Angeles at the famed Wisky-A-Gogo where they sampled new songs under
a phony name of Le Baron Boys.  Mom and Dad were there for the
concert, and along with Mom, Deanna has taught me all I know about
music and 80's hair bands.  Journal this is the song:

          I Don't Know How To Love No More ,   by Europe.

          I need you here tonight, your body next to mine.
          I haven't seen you for a while, no.
          I need your tender kiss, the touch of your finger tips,
          I haven't seen you for some time now.
          I need to touch you like I used to do before,
          Though I have touched you girl a million times or more.

          I don't know how to love no more, I don't know what I'm waiting for.
          Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again.
          I don't know how to cry no more, so tell me what I'm living for,
          Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again.

          Yeah, teach me.

          I need you here tonight, to squeeze you and hold you tight,
          To feel your skin so close to mine.
          I wonder where you are, so near but yet so far,
          Your name is always on my mind, oh.
          I need to touch you like I used to do before,
          Though I have touched you girl a million times or more.

          I don't know how to love no more, I don't know what I'm waiting for.
          Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again.
          I don't know how to cry no more, so tell me what I'm living for,
          Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again.
          C'mon teach me.  Oooh yeah teach me.  Yeah.  Oh, oh, oh, c'mon teach me.

          I need you here tonight, your body next to mine.
          I haven't seen you for a while, no.
          I need your tender kiss, the touch of your finger tips,
          I've been longing for some time now.
          Oh, I need to touch you like I used to do before,
          Though I have touched you girl a million times or more
          C'mon and teach me. Oh, oh, oh.

          I don't know how to love no more, I don't know what I'm waiting for.
          Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again.
          I don't know how to cry no more, so tell me what I'm living for,
          Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again.
          I don't know how to love no more.
          No, I don't know what I'm waiting for, no.
          I don't know how cry no more, no, no.
          No I don't know how to love no more, no.

So yeah, Journal, I've played that song to death in my head, here on the
computer with my earphones, and on my discman.  Can you figure why?
Yup, it fits me almost perfectly, just drop the `girl' part.  I feel
lost and I want Daniel back so bad.  But again, I can't have him.
So instead listening to this song somehow makes me secretly feel
good.  How sick and twisted is that?

And this weekend.  Leap Day with Tim, Neil and Tania.  It was O.K. I guess.
I had a good time if I let myself be honest, although I'm sure I was
a sourpuss.  Then Tim was so nice.  What's his angle anyway?  What's
the story with him?  He's nice, good looking, great body, engaging
personality, neither a freak nor a geek, and yet no girlfriend.
It's almost strange.  In that regard, I can almost see why he's
labeled a fag.  And why is he suddenly giving a shit about me?  I
mean sure, I want to be friendly to him.  Yes, I want to have a
friend.  I think he and Neil are alright.  Tania has always been
cool to me too.  So why then do I act like a heel when they're just
being there for me?  And still, can't they see that I still just
want to be left alone with my pain?

Yes, I've decided I want it all.  Is there anything so wrong with that?

Then again, no, I don't want anything really but to be left alone to deal
with things.  I know I'm gay.  No big news flash there Journal.  I
want cock.  I love cock.  Yes, I'm past the personal denial.  But
I'm not past the social denial.  I screwed up Friday night, I really
think Tim thinks I'm gay.  He was constantly half joking about it.
I THINK.  I don't KNOW, though.  Ah, man!  Someone please either put
a gun to my head and pull the trigger or paint me the rainbow colors
and send me out into public, or better still; just make it all go
away!  I want to be out and say to hell with the consequences!  I
want to be left alone from scrutiny, to be who I am.  I want to be
accepted and liked.  But then I get nervous.  People will think
things, they'll say things.  Can I really handle that?  Yet?

No, I know I can't handle being `out' yet.

So, I'll compromise with you Journal.  Here's what I'll do.  I'll deny it.
Yeah, I'll deny it and let people think whatever.  And with Tim, if
his thing is that he wants to be my friend because Neil isn't going
to be as available for him now that he's with Tania then I'll deny
it too, but not as strongly and not immediately.  The next time he
brings it up maybe I'll play like I didn't hear him and the time
after that I'll give a pause for show before saying `I love pussy,
yum, yum, yum' or something macho and heterosexual.

And then there's Mom.  I want her to be happy.  You know what, I don't
really care that she's dating.  If she is dating.  I don't even care if it
is Coach Maynes.  Friday I was selfish because it was my defense, I was
focused on my walls that needed to be protected at all costs.  She could
certainly do worse than a guy who's fault would be what, that he actually
gave a shit about his students?  Hell, what if he finds he gives a shit
about her too?


Part 2: New Friends

It's Monday morning, the phone rings.  I've slept in past my alarm, I stay
in bed after the phone's been answered.  Then I get blasted.  Lacey slams
my door open and throws my school bag at my head.  Good thing there's
nothing in it, like school books or something!  Deanna acts like my Mom
sometimes, but she is 10 years older than me and that's her prerogative I
guess as she helped raise us.  Now Lacey, she's only one year older than
me, where does she get off doing that?

"Wake the fuck up Moody!  You're so dead if you don't go to school today.
Oh, and the phone is for you.  It's a boy.  He wants to know if you want a
ride to school."  Lacey is also loud, always loud.  She has a bit of a mean
streak when she wants to, this morning she is in fine form as she teases
me, "You've found a new boyfriend already?  Don't make you're boyfriend
wait!  Get your ass out of bed and answer the phone."

My heart jumped when she said it's a boy, I thought fleetingly that it
might be Daniel.  But I quickly figured it was Tim.  But what a bitch Lacey
is this morning calling Tim my boyfriend, she must have a test or something
today.  If only she really knew.  Would she still tease me?  She thought it
was funny, all the crap at school with rumors about Daniel and I holding
each other's hands.  Yeah like we really were holding hands.  He slipped
and I grabbed his hand to steady him.  That's it, that's all.  I'm not
fucking stupid, hold a guy's hand in school and get sodomized or my head
kicked in or even beaten to death?  Have a so called friend come after me
with a bat?  I think not!  Still, Lacey started in on the bandwagon at home
when it was just family.  At school thankfully she defended me as much as
she dared without making me look like a sissy because I had my older sister
defending me.

Candace on the other hand just blows people off.  She told people that said
shit to her that she thought it was funny, them calling me a fag or
whatnot, because their mother was in my bed that morning when she got up.
Candace is two years older than me, and is only a morning student, trying
to upgrade a bad mark she got in English class for college
acceptance. She's only at school half a day anyway.

Scratching my crotch from one corner of the kitchen to the other to gross
out Lacey in retaliation for her bitchiness this morning I grab the phone,
"Hey."

"You know, it's amazing; you never shut up do you Farrows?  You're
certainly not a man of few words anyhow!  No, you always just keep talking
till someone tells you to hush up!  Anyway, do you wanna lift to school?
Neil's walking with Tania.  Make me gag."

"What, is this step two of Coach Maynes `Get Jon Farrows To Class' project
for you?"

"Whatever, don't be a cheesedick.  If you wanna lift let me know, I'm
leaving in five minutes."

"Yeah sure, that'd be cool I guess."

I race through the shower and down a glass of juice just in time when Tim
pulled into the driveway.  Stepping outside, to further get at Lacey I
laugh at her that she has to walk and taunt her not to be late.

Getting to school I go to every class today.  I eat lunch with Tim, Neil
and Tania at the mall.  Neil and Tim want to workout after school so I walk
home by myself and get started on all of the stuff I need to get caught up
on.  So far school comes pretty easy for me, but I think I have also
developed decent learning and studying habits.  By the time I'm heading
home Tim has called me a cheesedick at least a dozen times today.  I guess
it's his word of the day.  All in all, if anything today I have found
balance.

Tuesday's pretty much the same, except Tim goes to the gym alone while Neil
goes somewhere with Tania.  I have a 5 - 8 shift at the restaurant so I bus
straight to work from school and do my homework there before starting.
After I'm done Tim is out in the parking lot waiting for me and catches me
as I set out for the bus stop.  He asks if I want to catch a movie, but I
tell him I'd rather not as I didn't contribute much money at home in
February and I want to make up for it this month.  Plus Coach Maynes, Larry
I guess, is taking my Mom out for dinner and a movie.  So instead Tim
invites me over to his place to play playstation.  I have an alright time
and before I know it I end my first full day without physically crying over
Daniel.

I work at the mall the next two nights.  My regular shifts at the music
store are Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings, plus I had traded off my
Saturday last week but the catch was that I had to work the girls Thursday
night shift instead.  So before you know it, it's Friday night again.
Friday nights become the night that Neil and Tania, Tim and I got together
and do something, whether it was a pool party, bowling, a movie, going to
some carnival or festival, or just whatever.  Pretty much guaranteed
Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights I work at the restaurant, so that leaves
Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights and after work for my social time and
homework.  Most of my work and homework free time other than Friday nights
I spent with Tim.  I've stayed over at his place every Friday since Leap
day.  This has all become a routine and day by day, it's just a matter of
time for me; how to occupy myself to avoid missing Daniel.  Little by
little I come to an acceptance that he is gone and I have to move on.

The one exception has been this past Friday.  Tim dropped me off at home
rather than having me over for the night.  More so he dropped me off early
and was on his cell phone before he was even out my driveway.  Strange
behaviour for him.  I've tried to think every moment of the night through
and see what happened, where I went wrong.  I can't come up with anything,
but I am all insecure that he has discovered I'm queer and doesn't want to
share a bed with me.  I don't blame him, I probably wouldn't either if I
was straight.  Even if I knew that the guy, me in this case, hasn't made a
move.  So I guess if that's it then I can understand.

Coach is usually over a couple times a week, after football practice when
Mom isn't working late at the grocery store, and usually picks her up and
drops her off when she works at the liquor store.  At 43 he's two years
younger than Mom, but at that age I guess a couple years isn't such a
divide as it is to us when we're in our teens.  He's really respectful that
he's an outsider, not trying to step on my toes as Mom's boyfriend, instead
if he has to step on my toes it's as my Vice Principal, and only at school.
Outside of school I guess he's O.K.  I don't have any reason to hate him,
he's a nice guy, he was really cool to Daniel and I and he's really nice to
Mom and us.  It's just weird, that's all.  I don't want to share my life
with some strange man, but it's not my choice I know.  Mom's happy and is
trying for the first time in years to care about her appearance, she's
wearing make-up again and has bought new clothes for the first time in
forever.  She actually looks good, I can see how she was even prettier than
Deanna, who guys comment on as sexy.

In June this year I am again volunteering along with Tim, Tania, Neil to
help with the graduation ceremony like we had with Daniel last year before.
(Yeah, that fateful night when Daniel and I got stoned and beat off to a
story on Nifty.  I then gave him head for the first time and he gave me a
hand job for the first time. We woke up naked in the same bed that morning
with his mom and Uncle absolutely ballistic that we'd smoked up.)  This
year, to get on that committee you have to be a part of the events
organization, and naturally Coach had pushed us all towards that.  So this
of course meant that we had to be involved in our school's April Fool's Day
Bizarre- Bazaar.  It was a fun day where we get to host a school carnival
for all the grade 8 students from all of the feeder schools that come to
the high school for a tour and orientation.  It was especially fun because
it fell on a Tuesday and has broken up a potentially dull week.  Word had
been spreading of a bush party happening tonight so I desperately beg my
sister Deanna to work a double shift and at the music store.  As assistant
manager she doesn't like working as an hourly with the other assistant
manager, but she heard the excitement in my voice and caved in for me.

Later that night I went along with Neil and Tania, Tim to Virginia Point
for the evening.  It's great to get to the beach and ocean again, the last
time I had been was at least 6 years ago when Mom still had a car.  I'm all
excited, there are a lot of people our age there from schools all over, and
lots of beer and pot that everyone seem all too willing to share.  As
expected Neil and Tania disappear after making gooey eyes together for too
long and then Tim started chatting up this girl from a neighbouring school.
I actually know her, sort of, as she had been at more than a few parties
with people from our school and is one of Tania's friends.  But really,
she's a girl.  Not to be mean to the supposed `fairer sex' but let's face
it, the only reason this queer (me) can distinguish between them and things
like, oh say, the floor and walls is that women walk and talk.  Anyhow,
this girl's best friend is there with us.  Stacey Smith.  Much more
importantly however is that Stacey's boyfriend Paul Hunter is also there.
HELLO CUTIE!  I never realized until this moment how much he `does it' for
me.  He's a fucking god to look at!  It's a good thing I'm wearing loose
cargo's because I pop a boner over this guy.  Tim's trying to give me the
slip.  Nah Tim, sorry, I know you're trying to get me to give you a few
minutes to talk Natalie Wilson up, but if I don't stick with you how do I
get to meet this guy.

So in figuring out a way of giving Tim some time, to which I might also
benefit, I try a casual approach with Paul, "Hey man, got a beer I can
bum?"

Pointing to an ice chest full of Bud and Bud Lite he whispers, "Shit,
they're not mine, don't know who's really, but help yourself, I have."

Point of fact; I hate beer!  I mean to grab a manly Bud.  Of course I come
up with a Bud Lite.  Then I try to twist the cap, but it and my hands are
wet and I slip.  Cool, very cool.  I'm going flush, I can feel it in my
face, thankfully it is dusk and the glow from the fire pit hides this fact
rather than betrays it.  Paul takes the beer from my hand, pulls out his
keys and pops the cap off with fineness.  "The beer's free, that'll cost
you a buck though."

Hahaha.  I laugh, "Funny, I'll just grab another one then."  And I reach
for a Bud this time.

I look at Tim.  Way to go buddy, Natalie is drooling all over you!  Hmmm.
Funny, so is Stacey.  I make a gesture, wiping my mouth and chin behind the
girls backs so that only Tim can see, and then I manage to open the Bud.
Good, I'm making a better impression this try than the wimpy `I can't open
a beer bottle to save my life' one just moments ago.  Right up until the
first sip.  It's bitter, my face contorts against my will.  Paul laughs at
me.  Guzzling the last of his Bud he takes the Bud from my hand and gives
me the Lite instead.

"You better stick to this, lightweight." He jokes.

Hearing this Stacey turns to him and snidely remarks, "Who's the
lightweight?"

"Fuck you, Cunt!" Paul retorts and motions me to start walking with him.

"Fuck my cunt?  Really?  Well there's an idea, maybe YOU should try it!
That's right Paulie, turn your back on me again.  You sick asshole!"
Stacey shouts as we walk away.

He apologizes, "Sorry about that.  Don't mind her, she's a bitch in case
you hadn't clued in.  Makes me sick, that I have to deal with her shit."

O.K. here's my chance, it's really happening, I get to talk to this god!
Don't screw it up, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know.  It's like we're seeing each other, but since she got
pregnant and then had Belinda things have been weird.  I don't know if
she's even still my girlfriend anymore.  I hear she's not, but she's never
said anything to me.  Would you ask her though?  So I just play Daddy and
put up with her shit." To my simple question I expected a typically simple
answer like `she's fucked' or something similar, not a complex and overly
informative answer.  He gets right to it, "Man, you got anything to burn?"

"Yeah, I got a few." I respond.

"Sweet, I just knew you'd be good for that.  Can I have a haul off of one?
I haven't had any in ages, not since the cunt abandoned Belinda for me and
my Mom to take care of.  My old man's pissed at me enough, so to have pot
in the house with my own baby?  Why give him another reason right?  Shit,
aside from work I never even get out anymore."

We head for the parking lot, where the odd car is a 'rockin.  Stopping at a
Cavalier he chugs the Bud, opens the door and motions for me to get in with
him.  Opening the passenger door I try chugging the Bud Lite.  It's not as
bad as the Bud but I hardly finish the neck before I feel like I'm about to
gag.

As I place the beer on the ground, on it's side intentionally hoping it all
spills out he reacts to my gag noise, "Yeah, I know.  I used to have a Ram
2500.  More than half paid off too from working summer in the fields and
now Walmart through the year, but I had to get something more practical."
Pointing to the baby seat in the back he adds, "One bad lay will do that to
ya.  Beautiful kid, ugly ass mother."

"Yeah, I'd heard that you have a kid, but didn't listen.  If you listen to
everything you hear then Helen Watermellon's sleeping with most of the male
teacher's, Kevin Porter really has OD'd ten times and if you believe Debbie
Van De Berg I'm still sleeping with Daniel Rice who currently lives in
St. Louis now."  I don't mean to put the Daniel bit in.  It just comes out.
Daniel's still on my mind a lot, I'm still mad and hurt, but now I hope
with my everything that he'll be coming home at least for the summer.

He laughs, "Oh shit, yeah!  You and him held hands and made out in the hall
or something like that wasn't it?"

I joke back, my heart sinking further, "Yeah we had it full on, pants down
and everything!"

"Man, that's funny.  People.  Hey, spark one up will ya?"

I spark one and then another in his car as we talk about this and that,
what our plans are for our lives.  We move back out on to the beach so that
his car can air out and talk some more.  He again tells me how he had to
give up his truck for the family sedan, how he took a job at the Walmart
Super Center on Dunvale, and how his Dad is being hard nosed with him by
making him get a second job for the summer.  Finding our way back to the
fire pit we had started at, Tim and Natalie are missing and Stacey is
either loaded or acting it and having a good time while not noticing us.
From time to time I see Neil and Tania so I know Tim hasn't left without
me, not that he would.  After a couple joints in Paul's car the beer now
seems to agree with me a whole lot more and I have a few empty bottles
beside me sooner than I realize.  Paul and I talk about leaving closed
minded Texas.

"Man, I want to study at Berkely in California and move to a new country
and leave everything behind.  But being realistic I hope to settle down
somewhere more liberal where I can raise Belinda as an only father.  That
is unless I meet someone.  Plus now that I have her I had to choose, either
her and do good in school, or have her turned over to Children's Aid and be
a kid.  I do miss playing ball though I'll tell you.  How about you?"

"Me, I don't know what I want.  I want to go away to school.  I want to
live and be free from all this bullshit connected with high school.
California sounds cool.  Yeah, either that or maybe go to school in New
York, or somewhere daring like Canada.  My Mom has family in the Bronx, and
Queens now too.  I've got some money squared away for school, but not
enough.  I'm really going to try for a scholarship, Coach Maynes told me
about one that I have a really good shot at based on my essays and math
contest results, and my overall marks.  I don't do anything extra
curricular, so I have to get involved in some sort of volunteering program
too.  But I live in a shitty area, so that helps my case for a scholarship
or subsidization too."

I've said too much, I've lost his interest because his response is so
ambiguous, "Yeah, that's cool."  Then he stares at my pile of empty bottles
and I can see that he's nursed the one he had.  It's got to be warm and he
hasn't finished it.

Stacey has spotted us and is shouting at Paul, now calling him a pussy.
Looking at Stacey approaching he doesn't even seem to be buzzing or high as
he matter of factly states, "Look, I gotta get going back, I have to be
home before the sitter takes me to the cleaners.  I'd offer you a ride but
you saw Stacey and me fight, not a pretty sight.  I'm sure Tim wont bail on
you, he's not like that."

I wonder what he means by the Tim comment, how does he know Tim?  But my
head's swimming and I like it, so after watching Paul leave I grab another
Bud Lite and search for someone who looks approachable to talk to.

Then this girl comes up to me, she's looking like a cheap rip-off of
Brittany Spears.  She asks my name and I tell her it's Nick Carter and I'm
so excited to be meeting Brittany Spears.  She throws her drink in my face
and tells me to go fuck myself.  Another girl sees this and thinks it's
hilarious.  She approaches me.  Well that's it, I've had it with girls
already.  I snarl and groan as this girl approaches.

Growling back at me turns into a laugh, "Hey there Tiger.  Or Nick Carter?
The name's Bobbie.  Short for Bobbie-Sue.  (pause) Yep my parents sure have
a sense of humour. (another pause) So, that was funny, that girl.  (really
long pause) Hey where are you from?"

She seems remotely tolerable, "Houston, Spring Valley area.  You?"

"Same, Westwood Park area.  And your name, or are you going to try Justin
Timberlake with me?"

"Jon."

"Just Jon?"

"Yeah, it's not hyphenated though.  It's just Jon.  You know, Capital J,
followed by an O and then a N. Jon." Man, I'm such a dick.

"O.K.  Look, this is really awkward, I've never done this before so I'll
cut to the chase.  I've asked around from the people at your school, and
rumour has it that you might go the other way if you know what I mean.  You
know, bat for the other team?"

I'm drunk, but I'm shocked.  What the fuck?

"I can't believe I'm doing this, he owes me for this." She continues, at
first more to herself, "You see that blonde over there, the one in the
sleeveless top with the Hawaiian board shorts on the cell phone?  No that
way, really light blonde hair, dark tan, sunglasses?  Yeah that way, by
that fire pit over there.  What do you think of him?"

Whatever, I am so not playing this game.  Not here, not where I can get my
ass kicked and dumped for hooking up with a guy.  Screw that, and thank you
higher reasoning for not abandoning me; thank you very much!  "Uh, sorry.
That's just a stupid rumour from school.  If you'll excuse me I'm going to
go find Brittany Spears again."

"Look, Jon right?  Just Jon.  That's my best friend Chris.  He thinks
you're so amazing.  He gushes about you all the time, we eat at your
restaurant just so he can drool over you.  You have no idea how crazy he
drives me over you.  When he spotted you here tonight he went nuts.  Look
at him!  He put his sunglasses on so people won't see him stare at you!  So
I'm sorry I interfered but look, please at least go over there for him and
tell him thanks but no thanks.  You'll crush him but I'll be there for him
like always."

I'm glued in place.  Shit, he is cute.  Woah, not what I expected to
happen.  "So you're like his fag hag then?"

"No, just his best friend.  (awkward pause) Fine.  Look, I'm sorry.  He
gets this feeling about you, calls it gaydar, I guess he's wrong.  You said
something to him in the washroom when you were bussing one day, like
`hello' or something and since then he's loved you from a distance.  I'm
sorry, I'll go tell him he's wrong.  No harm done right?"

Maybe it's the beer, maybe it's the weed, but I start walking with her
towards Blondie.  Chris she called him.  He's cracking a huge smile,
totally embarrassed I'm guessing as she leans in to him and tells him the
news.  Instantly I see the look on his face change.  Not fear like I would
have, but disappointment.  I suddenly feel bad.  He starts to walk away
with his friend quick on his heels.  A couple other friends start to follow
him but I catch him and try to stop him by grabbing one wrist and placing
my other hand on his shoulder.  There's a lump in my throat and I feel
totally insecure, like I'm totally naked or something on front of everyone
I know.

He turns and faces me, and in a somewhat detectable gay sounding voice he
protests, "Sorry man.  Must creep you out that a guy's crunching on you.
(He laughs nervously) I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to start anything.  I
told her not to say anything to you.  Look, we're going now."

I'm guessing that his friends know about him, he is somewhat obvious after
all.  So as they keep on walking I risk whispering to him, "You're cute."
Hello?  What the fuck am I saying?

He stops walking, "But?"

Remembering his cell phone I offer, "Can you take my number?"  He nods and
then punches it into his phone book.

"I'm Jon."  I tell him so he can put it in his phone too as I feel so on
the spot.

Rolling his eyes, through a huge grin he exclaims, "I know!"

"I, I'm not out, O.K.?" I stammer.

"Yeah, I know that too.  You were a long shot.  Like a 100 to 1.  I'll call
you."  We're both smiling as he takes Bobby-Sue by the hand and heads for
the parking lot.

I'm somewhat floating between drunk and some strange euphoria I just got
from Chris as I walk back to the fire pit where Neil and Tanya are.

"Hey smiley.  Finally letting loose, huh?" Neil comments.

"Some girl asked us about you, if you're single, if you've had a girlfriend
and such.  Did she find you?"  Tania questions.

Hmmm.  Yeah she's a fag hag and I'm gonna hook up with her fag friend!
Nope, better not say that.  So I play it off, "What? The one that looks
like a Brittany Spears whore?"

Neil laughs, obviously he's seen the girl I meant.  Probably got a woody
over her too.  Ah, straight guys.  What can you do?  We get cut off by Tim.

"Ah, there you finally all are.  Ready to go?" He inquires.

"It looks like Tim's happy." I comment.

Tim quips back, "C'mon lets move, I heard the cops are coming to break the
party up.  And shut up Farrows, it's a public beach, very PG rated.  Plus
for your information I was just talking to her.  You know, get to know a
girl?  Maybe you should try it!"

Neil snickers, Tanya scowls at him.  Neil presses on any way, "Geez Jon.
It's about time you dumped your current girlfriend for something better, at
least one that's real.  What's you girl's name anyhow?  Lefty Handcock?  Or
maybe it's her friend, Dick Righthand?"

Tania shuts us up, "I'm sure you boys all play with both."

What a wonderful night.  I don't want a new boyfriend, especially one
that's obvious.  But as I pine for Daniel at least I don't feel alone
anymore.  After driving back home I crash at Tim's again.  Yeah it's a
school night but I don't want my Mom seeing me drunk and Tim's parents are
cool with me crashing anytime.  They know we're teenagers and do stupid
things, they just don't want us corrupting his younger siblings.  I know
Mom will be mad that I didn't come home, but Deanna knows what my plans for
the night were, and I'm sure she'll cover for me.  O.K.  I'm really
confused about this past Friday night now.  Maybe Tim is seeing Natalie
Wilson or something and doesn't want to say anything to me.  But otherwise
things are actually good now.  As I share the bed again with Tim I feel
happy, really happy, for the first brief time since Daniel left.

*   *   *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

Thanks for continuing to read and for the encouraging feedback!
Disclaimers: the physical places in the story mostly  really
exist, but all I actually know of them is from Mapquest,  so
please  don't shoot me if something's wrong!  Also,  I  have
written  the lyrics of an unreleased Europe song.   Doubting
that they would mind greatly as the bootleg is openly shared
on their Supporters Club website, I hope I don't get in crap
for  that.  In my love for them I'll even give them a second
plug: they have reunited and their first studio album in  13
years,  Start From The Dark, is nearing release in  mid-late
September!  So if you remember them or love melodic  rock  /
metal give them a listen!
~Jake