Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2010 15:00:33 -0400
From: Ben Joseph <shaggy85x@gmail.com>
Subject: Delusion Part 8

Delusion Part 8

All disclaimers apply

Feel free to comment or what not : )

A big thank you to Thos for writing style suggestions!

Running Water:

     I run to the bathroom and slam the door. There is no pressure in
here. I'm protected from the world, myself is still intact. I jump in
the shower for some kind of therapeutic relief. The sound of running
water surrounds me, the warmth sinks into my skin. My mind is
clearing. I am becoming restored. I have lived fifteen years without a
boyfriend, why am I destroyed and manufactured around him. It is
already seeming to me that every relationship is about control, an
endless stream of power plays.  Top or bottom, I despise power,
control, pollution of what is pure. Why can't it feel like the first
glimpse all the time.  I sink to the base of the shower, the water is
flowing with my tears. Why do I have to have my mind stalled out and
thinking of him. Why does it matter? Why am I already wrapped up in
him more than I've ever been with anyone else? Why does this hurt so
much?

     The door opens. I quickly stand and gather myself. Who is this?
The shower curtain is pulled back, my heart races and my face begins
to flush.  I feel the stings of self denial, I am vulnerable and he is
right there. Does he represent limitless undying love. Justin is the
one that's there when I need it, he turns and closes the door behind
him.  I am presented, I sadly look at him with a blank stare. He gives
me a knowing smirk, I am waiting, Justin has been waiting too. He
slowly undresses, the flowing water continues to hit me. I stare;
gawk, I am amazed at the already revealed. Justin is immaculate, he
offers no words and neither do I. His existence is telling, his
presence no longer concerns me, I beckon him. He senses me, escape is
metaphorical, and you can never fully flee. But this feels like escape
to me. Justin steps in; maybe I am too immature to guide my reality. I
fall for right now.

      My apprehension is trumped by his charm; Justin is standing
before me without pre condition or obligation, just his gazing
presence. Doesn't he know I'm intolerability affected by his truth?
Slavery is normally in bonds, not within choice. Justin is naked,
revealing and caressing, I still his motivation. He makes no move, we
intently look into each other's eyes . I reach out and slowly trace
his cheek and jaw bone and chin. I let my hand become like the water
and I let it flow down his chest to his treasure trail and I slowly
pull on his curly black hairs. I graze up his body with the back of my
hand and he laughs. He looks at me and says he's ticklish. He grabs
the soap and suds up my body and I begin the same motions as him. This
feels incredibly erotic yet we are only washing each other.  I don't
care what is right or wrong at this moment, I have been halted by a
banal longing for love, a future created for itself. Not anymore, I
just want to have some fun. I feel a tinge of guilt but then it
leaves, Mark basically broke up with me or at least I think he did.
Justin's breathing becomes heavier and we are both pulsing with
excitement.  His "anaconda" is fully awake and protruding into my
stomach. I like that Justin is taller than me even if it makes it
awkward to fool around with him.

      Lowered without depreciation, Justin explores me, he slowly
kisses down my body. Sense. Nation. Sovereignty. Where is the border
between us? I don't know how to categorize my recently discovered
passions. My heart is racing so fast I think it might explode. He is
kissing my rapidly expanding and contracting chest and then his lips
land on my nipple and my knees go a little weak.  My mind can't keep
up with all of these sensations. Messing around with Mark was awesome
but this is somehow so much better. I am gripping Justin's back,
feeling muscle and bone and sinew. Justin quickly arises and we begin
kissing. Lips fighting against lips, electric vision and stare, a lust
that can never be conquered. I can't keep track of fingertips and
specified reactions. I feel godlike, impenetrable. I can't stand this
foreplay I need his cock in my mouth. I drop to my knees and grab his
shaft. I can't get my hand all the way around it. I slowly lick his
now exposed head. Justin is uncut and I'm thinking to myself how it's
so foreign the way his skin covers and exposes his head. I start to
feel nervous, I am no pro, this is my second time doing this and he
seems pretty experienced. I cover my teeth and fill my mouth with his
dick. I can feel his heartbeat through his manhood.  Heat, pulse,
pleasure, Justin is moaning, and I smile to myself, yeah I must be
doing something right.  I am losing myself in this moment, I close my
eyes and it feels as if we are becoming one. I am jerking my cock, and
I have to stop because I'm getting too close. Justin rips me off his
cock and I'm now standing and leaning on the shower wall trying to
steady myself by grabbing the soap dish. He is like a Hoover, he could
suck a egg through a garden hose. Does he represent anything that is
not radiance? I cannot tell, just like so much before, I am not the
seer, the soothsayer, the prophet of the universe. I am instead the
perceiver, and my perceptions and senses are telling me the truth of
the matter, joy from all, content not contention. I am getting close
and he is moving so fast.  I'm beginning to hunch over from the
pleasure of his oral ministrations.

"Justin I'm coming!!" I state with urgency.

   Justin lets my cock escape his mouth and he begins jerking me in
earnest and I immediately come. The first shot hits Justin's shoulder
and next three hit the shower curtain as he points my dick upwards,
then more on his shoulder. I'm panting and shaking a little as his
fingers explore my hypersensitive head.

   Justin jumps up and starts to jerk his cock and I grab his hand and
once more go down on him this time trying to use the same technique as
he did. I suck hard and move my lips fast and Justin helps by quickly
pumping in and out of my mouth.

      Justin gasps and whispers. I want to ask Justin, "what are you
thinking?" but it's impossible right now. I am taking him further with
each thrust. Honest unwrapping, stun, Justin is moaning louder and
louder.

 "Oh, man... keep sucking.....fuck"  "Oh, shit...keep going ...oh"
"I'm coming!"   I decide to try to take it in my mouth, he rapidly
fills my mouth. He taste salty and bitter I and pull his member out of
my mouth and spit his cum onto the shower floor watching it slowly
make its way to the drain.

       Grasp desperation, need. After he comes from his uncut member
we dry off and make our way to my room or is it his, he holds the same
ownership of it as I do, maybe more, I am not a resident, a member. My
place at the table has been diminished long ago. I hold little except
myself. We jump in bed and I curl around him nestling my now soft dick
into the cleft of his ass; I am holding him for once. The phone is
ringing out, but I don't want to answer. I am content, it's nearly
four, and I don't have to think about anything but this dude, an
easterner on the wrong coast.

     "Justin, where's Kyle?"

     "He left for some girl's house before you came home."

     "All right, come outside with me." we get up from our nest and he
follows me downstairs. I casually walk with a show, a kind of
presentation. I pull the phone cord out and Justin and I make our way
outside to the deck and we rest naked on it.  I unhand a palmed joint,
spark it up, embers, tastes, coating tar and divinity, transcendence
is inevitable. Inhale the world, truth and freedom, exhale pain, want,
fortitude and unneeded barriers. I love what I have done with him. I
pass the joint to Justin and he denies me, I take another hit and
kiss, exhaling into him, I must force something upon him after his
pressings. He accepts, I can't take much more exclusion, and he offers
me himself, is that enough? Hopeful fruition, taming production, what
am I to him, I still don't hold the answer. Grazing upon him is my new
hobby, we take more hits, and I stare into his circling eyes,
spinning, and intertwining, lacing me into his existence, leading me,
into what I don't know. Gentle foray, explanations refuse to come to
me, even though I don't believe in fate, I hope for its insistence.
Freeing my mind is so much easier with him. Is this it, have I made a
great decision, or a huge mistake?

More to come.