Date: Sun, 7 Apr 2013 23:07:02 -0700
From: Douglas DD DD <thehakaanen@hotmail.com>
Subject: Diamond Dreams  Chapter 10

The first chapter disclaimers still apply.

Please donate to Nifty to keep this wonderful service healthy. Please
be safe, always.

In this chapter Bobby's friends start their grieving process. Noah also
meets his inner demon, who will prove very difficult to get rid of.
Grieving begins here, but there is a lot of pain that will have to be
dealt with, especially by the big hearted boy who gave all of his love
to his redheaded friend.

Douglas  thehakaanen@hotmail.com


CHAPTER 10
GRIEVING

<Friday, July 18>

Clara McCall knew something was seriously wrong as soon as she
received the phone call from Maggie McGowan. When she picked up
her phone at the trucking office the tone of Maggie's voice told her
that this wasn't a pleasant social call.

"I need to speak to you," Maggie said.

"Did one of the boys get into trouble?" Clara asked. She knew that
Noah was going to ride his bike out to the McGowan farm to meet up
with Bobby that afternoon.

Maggie didn't answer her question. "How soon can you meet me at
your house?"

"This sounds very serious. "

Again Maggie didn't react to her. "Noah needs to be there."

"Maggie..."

"How soon can we meet? A half hour would be good. It would be nice
if Seth could be there, too."

"He's in Seattle on business today."

"How quickly can you get there?"

"The office is about forty-five minutes away."

"I will see you then."

Clara could tell that Maggie was in her school teacher mode, the one
in which she was in complete charge and would accept nothing short
of what she sought.

"I'll see you in forty-five minutes. Noah will be there."

Clara was now sitting in the living room, waiting for Maggie to arrive.
She had called her husband, Seth, expressing her concerns. He said
he would drive back to Mayfield as soon as he could. Noah was
upstairs in his room. She wanted to find out what the problem was
before she said anything to Noah. She heard a car come into the
driveway followed by the sound of closing doors. Maggie and John
McGowan came to the door along with Bobby's mother and Tyler, his
brother. The looks on their faces increased Clara's fears.

They sat in the living room. Clara asked if they wanted anything to
drink. Bobby's mother asked for a glass of water. Clara could see her
red eyes and her cheeks looking like they'd been moistened by tears.

"Something horrible happened, didn't it?" Clara asked as she
returned with the water.

"Yes," Maggie said, "I'm afraid so. Bobby had an accident on the way
to our farm this morning. He fell off of his bike."

"How badly was he hurt?" Their silence answered that question. Clara
felt the tears well up. "Oh, my God, the poor boy...the poor, poor
boy." She paused to catch her breath. "I'd better go upstairs to tell
Noah."

"It might be best if he came down here and we all told him," Maggie
said. Bobby's mother started sobbing and Tyler wiped away tears of
his own.

Clara was going to discuss who would give Noah the bad news when
he came down the stairs. "Mom, I can't get hold of Bobby. I'm going
to ride out to the..." He saw the gathering in the living room and
stopped. He saw the looks on their faces and the tears in their eyes
and his heart sank. "Bobby?" he asked plaintively.

It was Maggie McGowan who got up and walked over to the boy and
hugged him tightly. "He had an accident."

"He's hurt?"

Maggie hugged him tighter, her own tears dripping on him. "I'm sorry,
Noah. I'm very, very sorry." Noah's uncanny ability to sense people
told him that Bobby was worse than hurt.

Noah buried his face into Maggie's dress, but he didn't cry. "How?
How did it happen?"

It was John who told him the story. "He was turning across the road
at the blind turn when a truck came around the bend. The road had
been oiled and had a lot of loose rock."

"...and the truck was speeding and was being driven by a drunk
asshole who I hate," Noah said, looking up from Maggie's dress.

"No. The truck was coming slowly and stopped short of hitting him.
He lost control of his bicycle and it toppled over, spilling him on the
road. He landed on his head and skidded through the gravel."

"But his helmet should have protected him."

"He wasn't wearing it," Tyler said. "We think he was turning back to
get it when he was spooked by the truck."

"But I reminded him to wear his helmet. I remind him every day
because he's such a dork. So, he couldn't be hurt, because I
reminded him."

"He wasn't wearing it and he didn't have it with him," Tyler said. "You
know how he was about that helmet."

Noah screamed his response. "No, I don't know. I know when I
reminded him he wore it. I know you're all wrong. He's at the farm
right now."

Maggie pulled him tightly to her again. "It's okay, Noah. It's okay. He's
not there, but it will all be okay."

"I want to go there and find him."

Noah's mother stood up and walked over to Maggie and Noah. She
replaced Maggie with her own motherly hug. "For whatever reason he
forgot to wear the helmet."

"But...oh...oh-no." Noah replayed his last conversation with his friend
and lover in his mind. He replayed the very end of it. "I love you
Bobby. Don't forget..." That was as far as he had gone. He hadn't
reminded Bobby and he didn't call him back to "nag" him. "Oh, no, no.
I told him, right? I told him to wear his helmet."

"I'm sure you did, son," his mother said.

Noah replayed the phone call again in his mind. "No, I don't think I
did. I don't think I did. I think it's my fault he forgot it. I don't think I
did."

Noah's mother hugged him tighter, but he struggled and pulled away.
"It's my fault. I don't think I told him."

"Noah, that wouldn't make it your fault," his mother said. "Wearing the
helmet was Bobby's responsibility, not yours."

"No. It's my fault. I didn't tell him." He turned and ran up the stairs to
his room.

Clara started to follow him, but Maggie stopped her. "Give him a little
time for now. And he will be needing a lot of time. This is going to be
very hard on him. Those two loved each other very much."

"I don't know what to do. I'll wait for Seth to come home."

"We'll stay with you until then."

Clara walked across the living room and took Cindy Neal's hands.
She gently pulled Cindy off of the couch and then hugged her tightly.
"I'm sorry...so very, very sorry for your loss."

Maggie, Clara, and Cindy sat on the couch together, shedding tears
and giving hugs. John and Tyler walked to the back of the house and
went out on the deck, looking for a place to shed their tears in their
own manly way.

Upstairs, Noah peeled off his shirt and shorts. He lay prone on his
bed wearing just a pair of white briefs. He tried to find a scenario
where the accident wasn't his fault, but he couldn't come up with one.
The bottom line was he didn't remind Bobby to wear his helmet and
then didn't call him back, even though he knew how stubborn Bobby
was about not wearing it.

He was determined not to cry, and he didn't. Without intending to, he
fell asleep, partly because of how little he'd slept the night before. He
slept until his father came into the room and sat on the edge of his
bed. Noah looked up at his father, feeling the man's strong hand on
his back.

"I'm terribly sorry about, Bobby, son. I'm here for you, any time. I love
you." Noah turned his head back onto his pillow and said nothing. "It's
dinner time. Come down and eat with us."

Noah didn't move. "I'm not hungry," he muttered into his pillow.

"I can bring something up to you," Seth said sympathetically.

"I'm not hungry," Noah repeated.

"We'll talk later. I'm ready to listen when you're ready to talk. I'm here
for you any time."

Noah said nothing. All he wanted was to return to the painless world
of sleep.

++++++++++++

Eric had just finished his dinner when his cell phone rang. He saw
that it was Kevin calling him.

"Hey, Kevin, what's up?"

"Did you hear about Bobby?" Kevin asked.

"No. What about Bobby?"

Kevin told Eric about the accident and what had happened to Bobby.
Eric felt sick to his stomach as he heard the news.

"Noah!" Eric exclaimed. "Does Noah know?"

"Yeah, he knows."

The two talked for a couple of minutes about what had happened at
the blind curve on the county road as Kevin told Eric all he knew. "I
gotta go, Kevin. There's something I gotta do," Eric said. He hung up
the phone and went into the family room where his parents were
watching the evening news. He picked up the remote, muted the
sound, and told them the news about Bobby's accident.

"I'm riding over to Noah's house. He needs a friend there," Eric said.

"I'd let his family handle things today," Eric's mother said. "Wait a
couple of days first."

"No, he needs a friend there, now. I need to go there. They can kick
me out if they want, but Noah has to know his teammates and friends
are here for him."

"I don't know, Eric," She shook her head and said, "Just so you
promise you won't hang around if you aren't needed or wanted
tonight."

"I promise." He turned to leave the room and stopped when he heard
his dad call his name.

"Be careful, son," he said.

"Don't worry. I will be totally careful."

Eric rolled his bike out of the garage, put his helmet on, and rode to
Noah's house. Shane answered the door when Eric rang the bell.

"Is Noah here?" Eric asked, knowing he sounded lame, but not
knowing how he could have asked any differently.

"He's not seeing anybody," Shane said. "He wants to be left alone.
There's been an accident."

"I know about the accident," Eric said. "That's why I'm here."

"Like I said, Eric, he doesn't want to see anybody. I know you two are
good friends and all, but he really does want to be left alone."

"How about if I let him tell me that," Eric said. He knew he'd promised
his parents not to stay if he wasn't wanted, but in his mind he would
need to hear that from Noah himself.

"You probably should leave, Eric."

Eric didn't budge. He fully expected Shane to close the door in his
face and he wasn't sure what he would do then. But he was rescued
by Lisa. "Let's let Noah tell him," she said. "He really needs to see
somebody right now. None of us can get him to move off of his bed."

Shane reluctantly let Eric into the house. Shane was feeling very
protective of his brother and didn't want anybody upsetting him any
worse than he already was. He had to admit Lisa might be right, but
he decided to compromise. "I'll asked mom and dad," he told Lisa and
Eric.

After he walked away, Lisa surprised him by giving him a big
squeeze. "I think Noah's going to be broken for awhile. He's going to
need to know friends like you are here for him."

"The whole team is here for him," Eric said, knowing that to be true
even if he had only spoken to Kevin.

Shane came back accompanied by his mother. Eric received his
second hug, although this one didn't surprise him like Lisa's had. He
saw the tears in Carla McCall's eyes and for the first time felt them
forming in his own eyes.

"I think Noah will be glad you came, even if he doesn't think so. Go
upstairs and see him, but promise me you'll leave if he asks you to."

Eric made that promise for the second time and broke away from the
hug. He went up to Noah's room and entered without knocking. Noah
was still in the prone position on his bed. He had gotten up only to
pee since he had undressed and settled himself down on it.

"Who is it?" Noah asked without bothering to look.

"It's me, Eric."

"I don't want to see anybody."

Well, Eric thought, he didn't ask me to leave. "I'm here because
you're my friend."

"I don't want any more friends. I hurt my friends."

Eric had no idea what Noah meant. He stood stoically next to the
footboard of the bed, waiting for Noah to explain himself. When Noah
said nothing, Eric sat on the bed close to his grieving friend and
awkwardly placed his hand on his shoulder. Noah didn't move and
didn't say anything.

For reasons he would never truly understand, Eric took off his shoes
and socks, and then pulled off his shirt and pants. He was now
dressed as Noah was in just a pair of white briefs. He lay next to his
friend and put his arm around his bare shoulder.

At first Noah didn't react. The two stayed in the same position for
almost fifteen minutes. Eric said nothing; he just remained next to his
friend, cuddling him with love.

Noah made the first move as he turned to face Eric, which caused
Eric's arm to drop off of Noah. He put his arm across Eric's torso and
buried his face into Eric's chest. Neither boy said a word. What they
didn't know then, and perhaps would never truly understand as they
grew and matured, was even though Noah had a lot more pain to
deal with, Eric's getting on to Noah's bed and cuddling and saying
nothing was the first small step in the healing process for Noah. It
was love at work, pure and simple.

It was much later in the evening when Seth McCall looked in on the
two boys. He saw them wrapped around each other, clad in only their
white briefs, sleeping soundly. What he saw made him believe that
things would be okay again for his son—probably not tomorrow,
maybe not next month, maybe not even for a year, but he saw the
simple love of a friend at work. Young Eric might just be twelve, but
Seth knew that his son was in good hands.

<Saturday, July 19>

The next morning Noah's mother found the two boys sitting in the
kitchen eating cereal. They were both early risers, especially for boys
of their age, but this morning they awoke early simply because they'd
fallen asleep early and had slept themselves out.

Noah didn't want to get out of bed, but he finally succumbed to Eric's
prodding and followed him to the kitchen. They didn't dress and were
both wearing the white briefs they had slept in. Noah didn't say much
as they ate, but he seemed more alive than the boy Eric had seen the
night before.

"Nice to see you up and about," Carla McCall said. Neither boy was
sure if she was referring to Noah or to both of them. Other than a
quick good morning they didn't comment and continued eating.

"We have an appointment this afternoon," Noah's mother said. "So
don't make any plans."

"Like I'm going to have plans," Noah said.

"You will again," his mother said, realizing her comment was a
mistake. "And Dr. Sabine will help you with those."

"Is that who my appointment is with?"

"She's helped you out before." Noah had seen his mother's friend
during the first half of sixth grade when he became withdrawn
following his skipping fifth grade. He finally came out of it, although he
was convinced it was baseball and his finding new friends like Eric
and Bobby that brought me out of his funk, not the lady he referred to
as "Dr. Nospine."

"She's a mental health counselor and can help you deal with what
happened yesterday."

"I don't need her help. Eric helped me by coming over and I'm fine
now. I don't need any help. My friends will help me." After all, he
reasoned, if his friends helped him in sixth grade why should it be any
different now? "Right, Eric?"

Eric did not want to get involved in this discussion. He picked up his
breakfast dishes, got up from the table, and went to the sink to rinse
them, feeling very self-conscious about wearing only his white briefs.
He was relieved when Noah's mother came to his rescue.

"Noah, it's not fair you to bring your friend into this. You should feel
very grateful that you have a friend like Eric who was willing to be
here for you. And as for Dr. Sabine, seeing her is non-negotiable.
End of discussion."

Noah wanted to argue, then thought the better of it, because he knew
he would lose the argument and he didn't want to lose it in front of
Eric. Instead, he got up and joined Eric in rinsing dishes and placing
them in the dishwasher.

Noah's father entered the kitchen. He walked over to the two boys
and gave them a simultaneous hug. "Thanks for being here for
Noah," he told Eric. Eric said nothing, but he blushed shyly. "You
boys need to get dressed. Noah's mother and I need to talk to him."

"Okay," Eric said, taking the hint. "I'd better be getting home."

The boys went back to Noah's room. Eric picked his clothes up off the
floor, but Noah made no attempt to dress. Instead he booted up his
computer and turned on his phone. "Dang, I got a zillion text
messages." He soon found a lot of messages on Facebook as well.
He worked hard not to cry. He knew it was not the manly thing to do,
plus he had told his mother he was okay and he knew if he cried his
mother wouldn't believe him.

Eric finished dressing and walked over to his friend who was sitting at
his desk checking out his computer. "See ya later, Noah."

"I need to read all of this. I got stuff from everybody."

Eric shrugged and headed for the door. Before he could open it,
Noah ran up to him and held him from behind. "Bye, Eric. Thanks."
He then turned and walked back to his desk before Eric could see
any emotion in his face.

When Eric got to the front door, Seth stopped him and gave him
another hug. Eric could see the sadness in his face. "You're a good
person, Eric. Noah is fortunate to have you as a friend. We'll keep in
touch."

Eric nodded and stepped outside, realizing his bicycle wasn't at the
side of the house where he'd left it. Before he could say anything, the
garage door opened and Shane wheeled the bike out onto the
driveway.

"Thanks, Eric," Noah's brother said. "See ya, soon...when things get
better, I hope."

As Eric rode off, he thought about how Seth had called him a good
person, not a good "kid" or a good "boy". Those words made Eric feel
as grown up as anything anybody had ever told him. When he got
home, it was his turn to read the backup in text messages, emails,
and Facebook posts.

He felt on edge until Scott showed up and sat on Eric's bed while Eric
read. Just as Eric had been there for Noah, Scott was there for Eric
as a friend, a teammate, and someone who loved him.

One of the messages they received was that their Sunday game had
been postponed and that there would be a team meeting at six that
evening at the Middle School gym.

Everyone on the team showed up at the gym long before five. The
only member of the Falcons who did not attend the meeting was
Noah, which everyone found understandable. Coach Sanders, Coach
Miller, Coach Ecklund were there, joined by the middle school
principal, the athletic director, and the school counselor.

There was a lot of hugging and a lot of tears among the players. The
little redhead who had been taken from them was a well-liked
member of the team; he was in fact a family member, which is how
the group now saw itself. Chandler and Korey were there as well—
the two younger boys were seen as a part of the family that the Go to
State movement had created.

Coach Sanders ran the meeting. He told them he canceled the
Sunday game to give everybody time to recover, but he also told
them that the rest of the week's games would go on as scheduled. He
said he and Coach Miller felt it was important for them to maintain
their routines and to get on with life. He'd been in contact with
Bobby's mother as well as Noah's parents. They all knew how close
Bobby and Noah were, and Noah needed the support of everybody
on the team. He said there would probably be a memorial service for
Bobby within the upcoming week and that the coaches would
communicate the information to them. Coach Sanders also said that
the coaches and other adults from the school would be available any
time for them to talk.

One thing the team agreed on was that they would hang Bobby's
number 10 uniform in the dugout during each of their last remaining
games. Interestingly, it was the usually aloof Connor who made the
suggestion. Coach Sanders had it on his agenda, but first he wanted
to see if any of the players would bring it up. He wasn't disappointed.

The meeting ended with more hugs and tears, and somehow a group
of them ended up at Pooh Bear's pizza, where the back room had
been procured. For the Mayfield Falcons the healing process was
beginning. But for the one member of the group who was not there,
the process would be a long and often arduous one.

<Monday, July 21>

The Falcons had a game scheduled against Lacy at home on
Monday. They showed up, but just went through the motions. While
Rodney wasn't hit hard, he wasn't sharp and neither was the team.
The Falcons went down to an 8-3 loss. Noah wasn't at the game. The
players all agreed that Noah would have appreciated Bobby's uniform
being hung in the middle of the dugout. Eric and some of the others
were concerned, however, because Noah wasn't returning their calls
or texts and hadn't posted on Facebook.

The boys found out that the memorial service for Bobby would be on
Saturday. All of them planned to be there. When the game was over,
Marty and Rich invited Eric to join Rich's parents and brother at Bob's
Burger Barn.

They talked about Bobby, and Noah. They talked about what Coach
Miller had said after the game about their not feeling sorry for
themselves and getting back to playing winning baseball. He said that
Bobby would not want to see them moping around on the field, that
they needed to go back to playing the game hard and smart, the way
he loved to play it. Eric was pleased that the two eighth graders saw
fit to invite him to be with them that evening.

"Noah's one of your best friends, isn't he?" Marty asked

"Yeah."

"That was pretty cool of you to spend the night with him." Eric had
told Marty and Rich about his night with Noah the day Bobby died.

"I was just being a friend."

"A pretty good friend, I'd say. Just like you were a pretty good friend
for me when I was in trouble."

Eric could see Rich blanch when Marty said that. Rich had all but
abandoned Marty at that time, although few could blame him
considering how Marty had been treating him like shit.

Marty saw Rich's expression, too. He gave his friend a hug around
his shoulder. "That was nothing against you, Richie. I would've done
the same thing if it was me being treated the way I treated you. I
didn't do anything to deserve any kind of friendship from you."

"Yeah...but," Rich stuttered.

"No yeah-buts are allowed," Marty said. "What's done is done and we
go from here. That's what I've been learning, anyway."

Eric was fascinated with the by-play between the two teens. While he
and Scott were still friends, they weren't friends like they had been, or
like Rich and Marty were now, or like Noah and Bobby had been.
Maybe they had never been friends like that. All Eric knew was he
wanted that kind of friend in the worst way. He wished for a moment
that he was back in Tacoma and was best friends with Shelby. He
shook the thought out of his head and worked on downing his burger.

"We got another game tomorrow," Eric said. "We need to win it. We
gotta win it for Bobby."

"And for Noah," Marty said.

"Yeah...and for Noah."

They knew it wouldn't be easy. Harborview had defeated them on the
Mayfield high school field 7-1.

"Well, you're starting tomorrow," Rich said. "I guess it's all in your
hands."

Eric gave Rich a panicked look.

"Just kidding. Do your best. We'll be there right behind you."

Eric smiled as he finished his burger.

<Saturday, July 26>

The memorial service for Bobby was held at one of the downtown
churches. Bobby's mother was not a churchgoer, but she knew the
minister at the church and felt comfortable with him. The sanctuary
started filling well before the eleven o'clock service.

Most of the members of the Falcons arrived with their parents, but sat
together in their own section. They chatted amongst themselves,
talking about how they beat Harborview on Tuesday, behind Eric's
shutout pitching. Harborview had beaten them badly the first time
they played and they saw the win as their "win for Bobby." Eric went
all the way, pitching a five-hitter. With Noah not there, Danny made
his first start at second base and did a good job in the field.

Eric wished that Noah had been there. Maybe he would have started
at second and played a great game to honor his friend. Or he might
have just sat in the stands and cheered them on. He kept trying to
contact Noah to no avail. His parents told him to lie low until after the
memorial service, but that wasn't easy to do.

On Thursday they had lost to Olympia 5-4 in what was a well-played
game. Lars was the starting pitcher. Then on Friday they beat
Centralia in the make-up of Sunday's game, with Scott pitching six
innings in their 7-2 win. The team had finished its season with a 19-
12 record, 11-7 in league. The league tournament started next week
and they all hoped that Noah would be ready to rejoin the team.

When Noah and his family arrived at the chapel, the chatter stopped
and Noah's teammates looked at him as if they were surprised he
was actually functioning. They hoped he would sit in their section, but
instead he sat a few rows down to the right of his parents. All of his
siblings were there. They took seats to the left of their parents.

Marty looked at Eric and made a gesture with his hand. Eric nodded,
and the two of them left the teen section and sat next to Noah. Noah
tried not to acknowledge their presence by staring straight ahead, but
when Eric placed his hand on Noah's thigh, he turned and simply
nodded.

One of the things Eric loved about Noah was his eyes. His eyes were
always full of life and intelligence. They sparkled with knowledge and
wit. But the eyes that Eric saw behind Noah's glasses were dull and
lifeless, making Eric feel like someone had just stabbed him in the
gut.

"You guys can go back to the team," Noah said. "I don't think you
want to sit with me."

"Yes we do, Noah. We love you," Eric said.

Marty nodded in agreement. Noah could tell the two boys weren't
going to move. As much as he said he wanted them to leave, deep
down it gave him a good feeling to have them sit next to him. He
wondered if they would be so eager to sit there if they knew that
Bobby's death was his fault. But he wasn't going to tell them that. He
was never going to tell anybody about his mistake on the phone; not
his parents, not his brothers and sister, not Dr. Sabine, not Eric, not
anybody. It would be his secret forever. It would be something he
would never forgive himself for.

The minister read Bobby's obituary, his mother told of her love for her
son and her sorrow that she hadn't been a good mother to him for
much of his life. She lamented the fact that just when the family
started to have good things happen to it Bobby was taken from them.
It was tearful, sincere, and full of love.

Many of her friends in recovery were at the service and they had
provided her with friendship, love, and support. For all of her pain she
didn't drink and was there for her older son, Tyler. She was grateful
for the love and support of her friends and for her sobriety. Marty had
seen her at some of the Centralia meetings and he knew exactly
where she was coming from.

Shane then played an emotional solo of "Amazing Grace" on his
trumpet. Very few eyes were dry after he finished.

Coach Miller spoke and praised Bobby's hustle and desire on the
baseball diamond, breaking down when he talked about Bobby's last
game. They also spoke of his loyalty to his friends and to the team.
Bobby had loved his teammates as much as they loved him.

Marty, Eric, and Kevin spoke for his teammates and echoed what
Coach Miller had to say.

"Bobby wasn't happy unless his practice gear or his uniform was
dirty," Eric said. "Nobody would think he hustled if he didn't go and
get dirty." That statement summed up Bobby as a player and as a
person.

Maggie McGowan spoke of Bobby's love and loyalty and how she
came to see him as another of her grandchildren. "My life was better
and even more full of love because I met Bobby Neal," she
concluded.

Noah wasn't going to talk, but after Eric and Marty had both left his
side to speak for his lover, he decided to say something. He got up
and walked to the front of the church, his little body looking dignified
in his well-fitting gray suit and his precisely tied dark blue necktie.

Almost everybody knew how close Bobby and Noah had been. Many
were aware of how Noah had withdrawn since Bobby's death. Very
few knew that this was the first real sign of life he'd shown in a week.

He picked up the portable microphone and spoke into it like he was a
trained speaker. "Bobby was my best friend in the whole world," Noah
said, his high pitched voice coming through the speakers cleanly and
sharply. "I will miss him forever. I loved him. People say two boys as
young as us can't love each other the way we did. But those people
are wrong. Bobby was more than my friend, he was my boyfriend and
I was his. No matter what I do when I grow up, he will always be my
boyfriend."

There as an uncomfortable silence from some of the audience,
although not from those who knew Noah well: his teammates, his
parents, his brothers, his sister, Bobby's mother, Bobby's brother
Tyler, the McGowans. They knew the kind of love the two preteens
shared and they approved, knowing it was the kind of love from the
heart that could be nothing but genuine.

 Noah returned to his seat, tears dripping down his cheeks. Eric
looked into Noah's eyes and saw more than the building of tears, he
also saw a sign of life, even through Noah's glasses. Eric had always
been good at reading Noah's eyes. As Noah sat down, Eric put his
hand on top of Noah's. Noah reacted by squeezing Eric's hand
tightly.

The last speaker was Coach Sanders. His talk was brief, and his
conclusion was a perfect finish to the service. "Bobby Neal was a
special boy to coach. He only knew how to play one way, and that
was hard. He lived life by working hard at it. But he also knew when
to smile and when to laugh and when to enjoy life. He was what many
of us like to call `all boy', and I say that in a positive way.

"After this year's baseball season, Bobby was not only voted as the
JV team's Most Inspirational player by his teammates, he was
presented with the Coaches' Award. That award is voted on by the
school coaching staff and administration. It is presented only to a
player on a team that has had a championship season.

"The middle school coaches met this week with our principal and
athletic director. We decided that beginning with the next Mayfield
Middle School championship team, regardless of the sport, the
winner of the Coaches' Award will be receiving the Robert Neal
Coaches' Trophy." Coach Sanders's announcement initiated a
standing cheer from the section the Mayfield baseball players were
sitting in as well as from Noah, Eric, and Marty from where they sat.

The closing prayer was skipped—it was only fitting that the memorial
service of an athlete who was "all boy" should end with a rousing
cheer from his peers. The minister was more than certain that God
got the message.

Food and refreshment was provided in the church's meeting room.
Noah joined his teammates, getting hugs, pats, smiles, and even a
couple of tears from his friends.

"I guess we start the league tournament on Tuesday," Noah said.

"Yeah, we play Lacy," Kevin said. "It's a double elimination so we lose
we are back playing Wednesday. Practice is Monday at four. Are you
going to be there?"

Noah looked silently into the distance. But once again he felt a
squeeze of his hand and he turned to face a smiling Eric. He gave
him a small smile back, his first genuine grin in a week. "Yeah, I'll be
there. Somebody's gotta clean up the field with his uniform."

Eric gave Noah a hug. His mother had told him Noah would be up
and down, that they all would be up and down at times. Eric was glad
to see Noah acting a little bit like his old self. Noah was obviously in
better spirits now than when he had entered the church.

What neither boy knew was that Noah had his demon, a demon he
was determined to keep a secret; a demon who told him he was at
fault for Bobby's accident. It was the demon who told him that when
he should have been there for Bobby, he was sleeping with his sister
and forgetting to remind him about his helmet. The demon would
come back to Noah even after Noah thought he had recovered from
his grief. The demon, who he could bury for awhile, would find a
way to haunt him at the wrong times and in the wrong places.  The
demon, who he could never get rid of by himself, would
require him to use the love of his next boyfriend as a weapon to help
cleanse his soul. But that would take a long time to accomplish.

It was for the best that Noah didn't hear the squabble that occurred in
the parking lot as people left after the social hour. Hunter had come
to the memorial service with his father and his grandmother. His
mother was working at the store in Centralia. As they left, Hunter's
grandmother, who had no love for the Go to State Team after being
rejected as their fundraiser, had her say about Noah's heartfelt talk.

"That young boy was way out of line," she said.

"What young boy?" Hunter's father asked.

"The one who talked about love, about what was obviously a
reference to homosexual love. That was very wrong, especially for
one so young, and particularly in the house of God. Reverend Fuller
should have made a comment about it. His parents should have
stopped him. That a boy can say something horrible like that is so
wrong."

"So, you're saying Noah can't love Bobby?" Hunter asked.

Kevin, Kraig, Korey, and Lars were walking just behind Hunter and
his grandmother, and overheard the conversation.

"Not like that. Not as a child. To think that he called that poor
deceased boy a homosexual. He needs to be punished. God certainly
will have his say, if he hasn't already."

Hunter looked at his grandmother in horror. "Grandma, are you
saying that maybe Bobby died because he might have been..."

"Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying."

"That is one fucked up thing to say," Hunter said angrily.

Hunter's grandmother looked at Hunter's father. "Aren't you going say
anything to your son about his sassing me with his foul language?"
she asked.

"Sorry, mother, I didn't hear what he said," Mr. Hawkins lied.

"Well, I have never felt so disrespected, and by my own son and
grandson!" She angrily got into the car. Hunter looked over at the
twins, who gave him two thumbs up, punctuated by wide grins.

Noah had said the right things at the service. He had made a
courageous statement. The boys and many others in the church
understood that, even though some others did not. Hunter had stood
up for his teammate, and his father knew it. Even if he disapproved of
Hunter's exact wording, he approved of the message. He was, in fact,
proud of his son, even if it meant he would have to face the wrath of
his mother later.

A lot of healing had started to take place at Bobby's memorial
service. But it would be a long time before things seemed normal for
most of the Mayfield boys.

To be continued.