Date: Fri, 11 Jan 2002 20:24:20 -0800
From: writersrealm@hotmail.com
Subject: Submit Discovering Gregory chpt 20

1/11/02
Discovering Gregory

Why Discovering Gregory?

I ask you to read these few lines each time I post. Your emails keep me
writing and thinking. Please take the time to read what's on my mind. The
first paragraph is about this story.

People ask me about this story all the time. Well, I was growing up alone
and gay when I met a group of boys I could get close to in a limited way.
Knowing nothing about being gay, I tried to keep them close while
struggling to find myself. This story is based on that experience. When I
originally wrote it, it was supposed to be about my love for Greg. People
kept asking me to continue and that meant going back to characters and
events that became hopelessly out of order of the way things really
happened. I decided to set it straight since so many of you have grown to
care about Greg, Doug, & me.

When I was a young, I was the only one. I started this story so you would
know at least one other. Once we started speaking to each other, I came to
believe I was making a difference.

We can now speak about growing up gay. We can speak about being denied our
basic civil rights. We can speak of the injustice perpetuated by a system
that has no tolerance for individuality because it doesn't enhance the
wealth and the power of the few. Sheep keep the status quo in our
society. We must never be sheep.

I'm moved to tears when gay teens tell me they are afraid to go to school.
They are afraid of being thrown out of their houses. It sickens me when
students at Escambia High School in Florida apply to form a Lesbian & Gay
Club, and every local television station hypes the story all day. It
sickens me when the application must is withdrawn because of threats by
other students.

The follow up on this story by the same local news stations was a couple of
sentences saying the application was withdrawn after some threats were made
by other students. The newscasts were geared to stir righteous indignation
in this conservative community and once again reporters dictate their
morality of this community, using photographs of the gay student's
disregarding their safety. Gay men know the danger of bullies in school.

It sickens me when there is not one voice of outrage to condemn this
violation of their civil rights. What other peace-loving group in America
could be threatened without some outrage from someone?

A fourteen-year-old boy spoke volumes in the last note he ever wrote. He
was a writer. He was a poet. His final note read:

"I refuse to live in a world that hates me."

With that note he died.

We can love each other so even a fourteen-year-old doesn't face the world
alone. We can give gay teens hope and offer them a reason to live. It's our
obligation to the next generation of gays growing up in America. We can't
stop the news media from making a school issue into a community morality
check, but we can be there for the gay youth who has no where to turn for
help.

That's why I write. I need to be free. I need you to be free. This society
needs us to be quiet and invisible.

We can speak of many things, and I'm grateful that we have a voice and a
place to talk. Thanks you to Nifty Archives and to its heart, David.

Thanks to "The List",

http://members.tripod.com/gay_list/Best%20of%20Nifty.htm

Who took the time to separate the wheat from the shaft. Thank you for
allowing more serious readers a way to sort out stories that might last
longer than a hand job. We need to get serious if we want to be taken
seriously. The best of Nifty list is only the beginning. We need a place to
tell the real stories of our lives.

Without some recognizable history we have no future. We stay invisible. All
fags are magic, you know. We are invisible to everyone until we say the
magic words.

Above all else, love one another. No matter how tough it is, you'll go
further with a smile on your lips and love in your heart. We can love each
other and make things better by doing it.

writersrealm@hotmail.com

Discovering Gregory

01/11/02

Chapter 20 So Hard To Be Cool

The air was fresh. My mind was stimulated by at least a million things, but
it wouldn't settle for just one. I couldn't imagine any place better to be
than right there under that hundred year-old oak with the most beautiful
boy in the world holding my hand. His head lay on my shoulder and our
fingers intertwined like the roots of the mighty tree as the river rolled
past us.

A squirrel danced on a limb above us, stopping now and again to stand on
his hind legs and talk to the other squirrels. Birds came and went, my
heart pounded, and a gentle wind rustled the leaves as we stayed put.

"Why is so it hard."

"I don't know. From watching them, I guess."

"You asshole! Why is it so hard being a kid?"

"Oh! I don't know. I guess there's so much happening, so much we need to
know."

"You're a big fucking help, Martin."

"I'm here for you. I want to be a big help to you."

"I know you do. Why is it so hard?"

"I don't know, Doug. I suppose if it were easy, how'd we know what was
worth it and what wasn't?"

"I s'pose. I'm so damn comfortable being with you."

"Me too."

"But we aren't supposed to be. That's what's hard. I feel all this stuff
inside me and I ain't s'pose to be feeling that."

"How does anyone know what anyone else feels or why?" I asked.

"I feel like I need to have someone hold me all the time. I mean every time
I get close to someone, like this, I never want them to let me go."

"What's wrong with that?" I asked him.

"What's wrong with me," Doug said.

"From where I sit, not a god damn thing. You're about perfect."

"Cut it out. I mean it can't stop with holding. Once they hold me I want
more. I keep saying I don't want to do the stuff, but I keep doing it."

"There's nothing wrong with "that stuff"."

"Why are guys so fucking weak?" He asked.

"I think our bodies sometimes take over from our brain."

"You mean our dicks," Doug said.

"I guess that too."

"Yeah, but every time I finish doing something, I say I won't ever do that
again. Then I get with someone, like with you last night."

"I was irresistible and you couldn't control yourself," I quipped.

"Right!"

"Doug, some times you do what you do. Sex isn't that clear to me. I know I
like it with you. Would it be easier if I didn't? Probably, but I'm sure
glad that I do."

"I can't figure out why I don't just stop. Fall in love with some nice
girl, you know. Let her hold me? I like this girl at school, but she has a
boyfriend."

There wasn't anything I could say. I didn't want Doug to like anyone but
me, but I knew he liked a lot of people and even more liked him.

"What do you s'spose they're up to?"

"No good no doubt," I said.

"There's a path that leads to the mud hole. We could go watch if you do
that kind of thing."

"Where's the path?"

 "You think Augie will do it with my brother?"

"Why not. Everyone else does. Greg's got something everyone wants."

"Augie's different. He's as big a stud as Greg, don't you think?"

"Bigger even. He isn't intimidated by Greg. I think They're trying to
figure each other out."

"You don't think they'll have sex?" Doug asked, sitting up to look at me
when I answered. "Neither of them would let the other...."

"Bulls do diddle each other, you know."

"Yeah, and I don't want to miss it. Let's go see."

Doug led the way into the woods and we were immediately on a trail that led
us to a stand of trees and some shrubs that stood thirty feet from where
Greg and Augie had settled into a dark brown muck. I thought we were way
noisy getting in to position to spy on them, but between the river behind
them and them talking, they didn't seem to notice our arrival. We sat
behind some lackluster shrubs and looked through the naked branches. Doug's
fingers reached into my hand until we were joined together again.

They both lay on their backs covered in mud. Their erections stood up as
testimony to their virility. Like the rest of them they were covered in
mud. Augie made the first mistake and Greg had been waiting for the
blunder. It was obvious from the way both their big chests pumped air that
they were still winded from the morning combat or worse, their mutual
attraction that kept driving them together. After a few peaceful minutes of
them being apart, Augie rolled up on one of his elbows and came down on his
stomach. His wonderful round ass, now chocolate coated, dominated the view
as he rested his head gently on the backs of the hands he had placed on top
of the mud.

"This is great," Augie said. "I'm finally relaxing a little."

"Takes the ache out of most muscles," Greg advised, breathing harder than
Augie. His cock was also stiffer, twitching while he looked skyward,
looking thicker by virtue of several coats of goop that adhered to it.

It was obvious when he was going to make his move. He rolled up on the
elbow closest to Augie before leaping on top of him. Augie was taken
completely by surprise and even after Greg had finished the maneuver, Augie
lay quietly under him with their muddy faces almost touching as Greg
started to ride him.

"This is way too comfortable to fight over," Augie said, leaving his
meaning unclear to me.

"Just when I thought you were going to be fun," Greg said, unwilling or
unable to yield back that which had been taken only seconds before.

"It's all perspective."

"How so?"

"Fun for one isn't necessarily fun for all."

"Philosophy one O something or other," Greg sighed, disappointed.

Greg's left hand moved ever so slightly on Augie's side. Had both of
Augie's hands not been under his face, one might think it was his own hand
moving there. Looking for some sign of escalation coming from Greg's hand,
I missed the obvious as Greg's hips moved up and off of Augie's
backside. His dick slid ever so slowly up and out of the bottom boys ass
crack. It stood up twitching several times with noticeable spasms.

"It's better when you fight me," Greg advised.

"For who? It takes the power away when you stop resisting. I'm tired now."

"You should fight to keep what's yours," Greg reasoned.

"They want you to fight. That's the only way they can conquer you."

"Who?" Greg asked, having become lost in Augie's words.

"The man on top. Never mind. It's too nice here to fight. I don't want to
fight you. I like you."

"That's cool. I like you. You don't mind me fucking you awhile. I bet
you're tight."

"I'm told. Go for it if you want it that bad," Augie said.

"I knew it," Doug hissed in my ear. "Fucker gets them all."

Greg's hand moved up on to Augie's ass as his cock slid up and back in his
crack. Greg stared down at himself as the sound of slurping and slopping
came out of the bog. He cleared the mud off himself and out of Augie's
crack so he could make the contact he needed. His cock flesh once more
shone through the mud as he stroked himself vigorously.

Their breathing grew more intense as Greg's fingers slid up on the back of
his adversary's leg until his fingers were in-between his legs at the
bottom of the crack. He lay down on Augie's back and placed his arms out
beside the buried boy's head. Greg's hips moved up and down in rhythmic
gentle thrusts. Augie offered no resistance to Greg's accelerated motions.

Greg's hips were just starting to lift and his face had pressed against
Augie's face when they both came out of the mud in a sudden jerk with Augie
rolling out of the mud on top of Greg. His hands held Greg's arms over his
head, making it hard for him to gain any leverage. Their chests collided
with a splat as Greg was the one bogging down in the mud.

"Fucker!" Greg vowed as he made a futile attempt to escape his captor.

"Yes, I thought he was going to let him do it to him," Doug said too loud,
but they were once again in a life and death struggle and unaware of the
interlopers.

Augie maintained control as the front of their bodies churned and ground
together. After a few more minutes it was once again only the hips moving
as they dueled to satisfy whatever it was that drove them. Greg threw Augie
off and rolled weakly on top of him, and Augie returned the favor a minute
later.

There was laughter and swearing and panting that echoed through the
trees. One was on the other's back, then it was reversed, only to be undone
yet again. At one point in the precise middle of one of them taking control
from the other, they simultaneously fell onto their backs, side by each,
their chests heaving huge gulps of air that didn't seem to satisfy their
need. Their cocks still stood as testimony to their endurance.

As Doug and I smiled at each other we both turned back to see a gob of
liquid escaping from Greg's cock slit, slowly dropping on his belly button
filled with mud.

"You're fucking shooting your load," Augie said, pointing to another strand
of precum that hung between Greg's slit and his stomach.

"You wish," Greg said with contempt. "Just a slight overflow from the
overheating problem you're giving me."

"You could wear a guy out, you know, dude. That was so weird. I never
wrestled a guy naked. Gives you some weird ideas, huh?"

"I was just starting to think you might be interesting," Greg said,
watching his cock as he milked more liquid from it. His hand moved way too
slow for him to be doing anything but clearing the pipes of the oozing
liquid, but Augie didn't miss a thing, his own cock twitched with a clear
substance glistening at the tip. He seemed lost for a second as he felt his
erection, using his thumb to clear the his slit.

"No, I'm just your basic boring con," Augie said, rolling onto his stomach
and lying his face back down on his arms.

"Is it true what they say goes on up in places like that?" Greg asked,
staring straight up into the ceiling of the forest that leaned out over the
bog on three sides. They were now just inside the mud flat and no more than
fifteen feet from where we squatted. The air settle before the answer came.

"...Pretty much," he finally said, unable to deflect the question with a
joke.

"It happened to you? What they say happens to young dudes like us up
there?"

"...Pretty much," Augie said after another delay that could only have been
consideration of whether or not to tell the truth. He turned his face away
so he couldn't see Greg.

I wondered if he feared rejection from this boy who was charged with sexual
desire for him.

"What's it like?"

"You get by as best you can. One guy can't fight off nine. You can fight,
but you can't fight them off. You can't fight them all. You let one then
you let them all. If you want to survive."

"So you let them?"

"Maybe not let them. More like they take it if they want it. You got to
force yourself not to struggle. You can't at first. Instinct says
fight. It's over way faster if you don't fight. Most don't even want it if
you aren't fighting to keep them from getting it. Right off half lose
interest."

Greg started up on one elbow and before I knew it he had covered Augie's
body with his own again, only not sudden or in a hostile way. Their faces
came together and Greg's arms covered Augie's arms in what could only be
described as a tender way. I didn't think Greg had a tender bone in his
entire body, but he seemed to want to ease whatever burden Augie carried to
that mud pool. Then, being true to form, his hips started to rise and fall.

"Fuck!" Doug said, and Greg's head snapped up and he stared into the shrubs
right at us.

FUCK! I thought. He had to see us. Doug looked at me sheepishly.

"Let's get rinsed off," Greg said sounding perturbed.

"I'm fine. Look, I did plenty up there. I ain't gonna make up no stories to
make you think I'm this straight arrow or anything."

Greg stood, looking down at Augie, and offering him a hand.

"It's cool, dude. I do stuff all the time. All us guys you met do
it. Except my od man and Dwight. We're fucking teenagers, aren't we. It's
what we do."

"It ain't cool, Greg. I'm just ready for something else, you know. At least
to make sure I still can."

"All's fair in love and fucking."

"I want to get with that girl, Greg. After I done that, we're cool with the
other stuff. I'm not saying that ain't an option. It's just pussy's on my
ind."

"Yeah, what's the chance I could get some of that action?" Greg asked. "We
could like team up."

"She's screwing all her brother's friends, or so he says. She didn't waste
no time grabbing onto it. I know she wants it."

"So why don't you just peg her and get it over with?" Greg asked.

"I need someone to get her brother off me. Every time she gets me all
overheated, she leaves, and he says I owe him. Fucker's worse than
cons. Can't keep his hands off it."

"What's his problem?" Greg asked.

"Me," Augie said. "Fucker loves me. Never had a man's dick."

"Tell him to get lost," Greg said. "You don't owe him nothin'."

"I made a deal with him when he said he could get me laid. There wasn't
anyone else up here. He gets what he wants if I get with his sister."

"So?" Greg asked.

"He won't leave me alone. He wants to watch. Then he wants to play with
it. He's worse than some of the cons, and I still haven't fucked her."

"What's the deal? You all know what's going on. Cut him off until you get
her."

"I want to try it without an audience for a change. I got plenty of that up
there. I want to solo now I'm a free man."

"I see what you mean."

"I want to see if I can still..., you know. The last girl was before I got
arrested. Over a year. I never did anything with boys before jail."

"Shit stud, you got nothing to worry about. When you get out of here girls
will fall all over your ass."

"Yeah, I know, but I can't wait three more months to find out. It ain't
them I'm worried for. That Timmy kid, he wanted to play with my dick last
night. I got hard by him telling me what he wanted. I'm turning homo. I
need a girl."

"So what's in it for me then?" Greg asked. "Say I take the kid off your
hands so you can screw his sister."

"What do you want?" Augie asked.

I tried to hear what they were saying, but they talked softly as Greg
walked him back out into the river.

"Come on," I said, let's go back.

"You just want to see them get dressed," Doug said.

"Don't you?" I asked.

"Maybe," Doug said as we walk toward the path.

He kept pushing his hand into my arm until I realized he wanted me to hold
it. We were hurrying back toward the oak, when he stopped me.

"What's the hurry?"

" I don't know," I confessed.

"We come strolling out of the woods just in time to see them dressing,
they're going to know where we're coming from," Doug reasoned.

"Greg saw us. That's why he kept trying to get Augie to leave."

"Maybe not. All the more reason to do something here so they have time to
get finished before we get back to the house."

When I turned to face Doug the front of his pants were poked out. That's
not to say mine didn't suffer from the same malady if not to the same
degree. Doug out bulged me by quite a bit. Mine appeared just down my right
leg while Doug's puffed out the front of his brown shorts. His hand
immediately felt my erection. He kept his eyes on his hand as I wanted him
to look at me.

"We can do what we did last night," he said, finally looking at my face.

"Okay," I said.

His shorts were on the ground followed by his blue stripped boxers before I
could adjust to the idea that the boy who didn't was going to. His cock
stood out thick and fully erect. It wasn't as long or as thick as Greg's
but the difference wasn't enough to be concerned about. Doug's more petite
body and lighter coloring made his dick look massive. Before I could get on
my knees to take it in my mouth, he was on his knees unzipping my pants.

Once he got his mouth on me, I was helpless. With no effort he was taking
most of my dick in his mouth. He seemed devoted to me before he stood and
bent over in front of me.

"Come on. It's plenty slick."

"I... ah, wait a minute," I said, getting on my knees and putting my face
between his cheeks. He bent forward as I located and licked his hole.

"God, Martin, you're going to ruin it if you don't fuck me now."

"I want more than just to stick it in," I said.

"Shit, we've got all afternoon, all night, and all day tomorrow. Let's just
do this one right here right now."

I backed away and his smooth pastel nuts were swinging between his legs. I
had to put my mouth on them and this made him moan. When I stood he was
bent at the right angle and I certainly didn't need any more stimulation
than that. The warmth was overwhelming and I leaned over his back to hold
him as I guided myself deep inside him.

"Oh, yeah," he moaned. "That's so hot. Go ahead."

My mind went blank but my hips knew what to do. Standing up definitely
wasn't my favorite position, but any way with Doug was just fine with me. I
was immediately closing in on the moment of truth. We grunted and groaned
in some wild melody that only heightened my intensity.

"Yeah, that's it. You know how I like it. That's perfect."

Hell, I was just drilling for oil. Any semblance of technique was most
certainly by accident. What I knew was, damn the torpedo full speed ahead,
and I was driving to the finish line when I reached around him to get my
hands on that hot cock. Oh yeah, I'm in heaven now. Feeling his erection
was all it took, except everything came to a screeching halt as I was blown
out of the water.

"Told you those fuckers were watching us," Greg said victorously.

Doug stood up. My cock literally popped out of his ass, and Augie and Greg
stood five feet from where we were fucking.

"One's your brother, right? Don't tell me which," Augie mused in an easy
going style.

"Fucking horse dick, no doubt," he said, pointing at Doug. "Damn boys got a
body on him."

"Martin," Greg said, addressing me personally while I was deciding whether
to shit or go blind. "Martin?"

"Yeah," I said, getting my dick almost in through my zipper before it got
caught in the teeth.

"Don't ever. Never once, ever, come to my house again as long as you live
or until after I die. You fucking little whore."

"Damn," Augie said as they turned and walked away. "He's cute. What's that
about."

"Just someone I thought I liked. I didn't," Greg said softly as they
disappeared down the path.

"Fuck," I said. "I'm so fucking stupid. Why did I do it where he'd catch
us."

"Well, when you're going to do a thing. Best to do it well," Doug said with
no humor in his words. "We better get our fill this weekend, because unless
I can come over your house, he ain't never going to agree to let you come
over again."

"He'll forget about it after awhile," I reasoned to myself, looking to
where Greg had disappeared, wanting to run to beg him for a reprieve.

"He don't use that tone often, but when he does, it's over, dude. Same
thing happened to Kent. One day he was out. My brother's tough that way. I
still don't know what happened between those two. They use to spend a lot
of time together."

"Want to go ahead and finish. I'm still horny," Doug said.

Feeling my dick he made a couple of attempts to free it from my zipper.

"How can a guy get his dick jammed up like this?" Doug asked.

"I've got talent I've never used yet," I told him.

"My mother's good with stuff like this. Maybe I should let her do it."

"No fucking way. I'm not asking your mother to hold my dick for me," I
said.

"Herbie's always zipping his up. She doesn't mind," he said.

"I do. I can just see Greg laughing at me while your mother's working on my
dick. No thank you. Just get it out. I'll be okay," I said.

Feeling both horny and hurt, but with his hand on my dick, mostly horny. I
braced myself for the agony I knew was about to hit me. He yanked down on
my zipper in a quick jerk and at the same time he ripped up on my dick, and
suddenly I was falling backward down the hill toward the river. I was sure
one of us had my dick, I just wasn't sure I wanted to know which one.

Doug came bounding down the hill after me, leaping in knee deep leaves
until he leaped on top of me like a five year old might do.

"You okay?" He asked, giggling and putting his head on my chest as he lay
with his feet pointed up the hill. "I think I might have found my calling."

"What? Leaf leaper?"

"No, dick freer upper. I think I'm good at it."

"Yeah, but I might never fuck again," I said, examining my skinned up dong.

"That's too bad. You're good at it. In fact we could try it out to make
sure it still works. I think it's my duty to make sure you're still in good
operating condition before I return you home.

"What's with you all of a sudden. I've been afraid to touch you forever," I
said.

He lifted his head and his serene blue eyes smiled into mine. He was so
damn handsome and his hand was back where it could do me the most good.

"I love you, Doug," I said.

He blinked his eyes and looked away before looking back. He used his mouth
to smile this time. He was absolutely gorgeous.

"I know you do. Just do me one favor. Don't love me too much. I can't be
what you want," he said. "I've always wanted to do stuff together."

"I want you to be happy. I want to see you and you can come to my house
after school."

"We'll see. When we get back, we'll see how it works out."

"I'll still love you no matter how it works out," I said.

"I don't want to hurt you. Don't love me too much. I don't know how to love
anyone yet."

"It's okay. I don't expect you to feel the same way. Being with you, I mean
last night.... I can't imagine it being any better with anyone else."

"I think you'd be on the top of my list though. If I was to love someone. I
like you, Martin. I mean really like you, but there's other shit I got to
try. I can't be somebody's lover yet."

We lay there for awhile trying to understand what had transpired between us
up there in those hills. Something was different between us, and then there
was Greg. I didn't let myself think about him or the mean words he had for
me. When my mind did go there, my heart ached and I wanted to cry. I did
believe he meant exactly what he said. I wouldn't ever have screwed Doug
where Greg could have caught us, only I had and he had, twice within a few
hours. I was a total asshole but while I was with Doug that didn't matter.

				   *****

It's so easy to be a sheep. You stay in line, look straight ahead, and
follow the asshole in front of you. It takes courage to be unique, to be
different, to stand out in a crowd.


writersrealm@hotmail.com