Date: Sun, 28 Sep 2008 18:04:43 -0500
From: Aaron Moore <oneoftheguys@live.com>
Subject: discovering-me-4

Welcome back dear readers!! Sorry for the delay, sometimes life just throws
you unexpected curves balls.  Like always comments and criticism are always
welcome.  oneoftheguys@live.com Aaron

For Chris, Ryan and Steve, whose support and encouragement have kept me
going, especially when times were tough.

I spent the rest of Saturday in my room thinking about my encounter with
Damien. But I guess I can admit that I was also trying to prove a point to
my mom, I was trying to make her think that I was really mad because she
mad me meet my dad today. If she could feel bad enough about forcing me to
go she just may be able to look past my little spending spree.  Of course
if she hadn't made me go I never would have got upset with my dad and went
shopping, and that means I wouldn't have met Damien. But she didn't need to
know that.

I wanted to know everything there was to know about him. I wanted to know
his favorite color, what he likes to eat, who is favorite band is,
everything about him just seemed so important. I even wondered what type of
shampoo that he used. I had to face facts, I had a major crush, my first
major crush on a guy and it felt good. I just didn't know what to do next,
I wanted to call him but I wasn't sure what to say or if it was too soon.
What are the rules when it comes to two guys dating? Is it the same as it
is for a guy and a girl that are dating? I have no idea what to do, I don't
want to seem too eager, but I also don't want to seem uninterested!! What
is the first step? So many questions that I needed answers to but I had no
idea how to find them. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

Eventually I fell asleep. When I woke up I could see the shadow of the sun
going down on my bedroom wall, I glanced at my clock and realized that it
was after five. I wandered downstairs after fixing my hair and
straightening my clothes. I knew my mom would want a full report of brunch
with my father, all I had to do was BS my way through it and that should be
enough to satisfy her.

I noticed that I was the only one home once I was in the kitchen. My mom's
car keys were not in their usual spot. That got me a bit excited, I was
hungry and I wanted to eat but I hate eating with other people around. I
made my way to the refrigerator and took out everything that could fit on
the center island. It didn't matter what it was I was going to eat it. Just
the thought got me excited, grabbed a fork from the drawer and got started
on eating a few days worth of leftovers. With every mouthful I felt better
and better, then sicker and sicker. It was a full on food frenzy and I was
out of control. If Damien could see me know I thought to myself, he'd want
nothing to do with such an out of control fat loser.

All the containers around me were emptying out I noticed when I dove in for
more food. And suddenly I felt sick. I could feel the cold food all over my
face since I didn't even take the time to heat anything up. I looked down
at my shirt and noticed all the food that I managed to drip on myself. I
was a gross mess. I gathered what was left of the food and put it back in
the refrigerator, and then proceed to clean up anything that fell on the
counter or floor. I just prayed the entire time that my mom would not walk
in the door and witness me in all my sick and twisted glory.

"You can't keep doing this, I said out loud to myself. You gotta stop
before someone catches you." Although I knew it was easier said then done
because this demon had its claws in me tight and was not going to give me
up that easily.  I went up to my room to expel my binge, after I was done I
put on some work out clothes and made myself put in at least 45 minutes on
the treadmill just in case I didn't get everything back up. You can never
be too careful with these things; nothing can be left for chance.


******************************************

About a third of the way through my run I heard my front door opening
signaling my mom's return.

"Adam?" She called out waiting for a response.

I lowered the speed on the treadmill before I answered her.

"Downstairs running!" I shouted up to her.

"I grabbed us some take out, once your finished and showered come join me
please."

"Okay!"

I readjusted the sped and finished my run, by the time I was finished I was
sweating like crazy and I felt a lot better. I wasn't thinking about Damien
anymore and I wasn't obsessing about all the calories I had consumed
earlier. I felt normal for awhile and that felt really good to me.

As I stripped down for my shower I glanced at myself in my full length
mirror. I was repulsed by what I saw. My gut looked huge from all the food
that I had consumed today but that didn't keep my stomach from growling. I
knew that whatever my mom got for dinner I would at least have to eat a
little of and try to keep it down. I just hopped that it wasn't anything
too unhealthy.

I got into the shower and washed off all the sweat and that gross salty
feeling you get from a good workout. As it all washed down the drain I felt
the tension of my muscles go down with it. I jumped out and dried off, put
on some clothes and joined my mom for my second dinner.  Before I could
even join her at the table she asked me the question I had been dreading
since I got up from my nap.

"How was brunch with your dad?" she asked way too cheerfully.

"It was what it was." was my reply.

"You know Adam; this isn't easy for any..."
 I was not going to let her continue with this, my mood had just improved
and I wasn't going to let this ruin it.

"Can we just drop this please? I went and I was cordial, can we just leave
it at that?" I said as I looked at her my eyes pleading to just let the
subject drop.

"Okay, we don't have to talk about it now, but trust me we will."

"Thank you; what did you get us for dinner?"

"House special pad Thai for me, and vegetarian pad Thai for you."

Our conversation through dinner was good, she didn't bring up my dad and I
basically caught her up on my life for the past week. Well, as much as I
could without telling her that her only child was finally admitting to
himself that he was gay and has a crush on a guy and is driving himself
crazy on when to call him. No need to make her choke I figure.

After finishing enough of my pad Thai to not raise suspicion I excused
myself to finish my homework. Once I had my books all laid out I tried to
get to work. But it wasn't happening; instead my mind found ways to wander
back to Damien.  What if he only gave me his number to be nice? What if he
gave me a wrong number? What if...

My thoughts were rudely interrupted by my cell phone vibrating across my
desk. I looked at it and saw that it was Jeff, I'm sure he's calling me to
find out if I had sex with Shannon.  I'll tell him, but not before I make
him sweat it out a bit.

"Yeah?" I said into my phone.

"So did you bang her?" Adam asked excitedly. Man was he straight to the
point.

"So how was your day Jeff?" I asked just to annoy him.

"Cut the crap, you know I gotta know, that Shelly girl was hot!"

"Shannon."

"Huh?"

"The girl, her name is Shannon not Shelly."

"Oh, fine whatever, did you do her?"

"No I didn't because she was drunk and we both know that wouldn't be
right."  I was waiting for him to challenge me on that but knew he
wouldn't.  For some reason I didn't want to disappoint him. So I knew it
was important that he think I wanted to, but couldn't. I wasn't ready to
tell him about me being gay, but I didn't want him to think I was gay
either.

"Man AB that sucks, maybe next time huh?

"Yeah maybe next time..."

I spent the rest of the conversation listening to him go on and on about
how hot Megan was and if he was going to ask her out. I never knew Jeff had
a thing for Megan; this was the first time that I ever remember him talking
about. The good thing about Jeff is that he is one of those people that
don't really require another person to talk with him, he does all the
talking and this evening that was fine by me.

After about an hour we ended our conversation and Jeff thanked me for
helping him out with his Megan issue. I guess if he considers an "um hmm"
and a well placed "yeah" every now in then help, but who was I to question
it. We finished by making plans to meet for a workout in my basement on
Monday instead of a run in the morning. I would still run, before he
arrived.

I tried to finish my Latin homework but that didn't work, I tried to do
some math but that didn't go much better. I knew what I had to do if I ever
wanted to do anything again. I had to call Damien, if I didn't at the very
least I'd flunk out of school, if my luck wasn't as good I'd drive myself
crazy.

While debating what to say to him when I called him I spun myself around
and around in my desk chair. As childish as it sounds it really helps me
think, I guess it could have something to do with my brain sloshing around
in my skull, who knows. After I made myself dizzy to the point of not
seeing clearly I decided that I would just text him. If I text him, I
wouldn't have to worry about not knowing what to say, and if he didn't want
to talk to me at least I wouldn't have to replay his voice in my head
saying so over and over again. It seemed like I really good plan. But what
if he didn't text me back?

So I reached for my wallet to grab the receipt with his number on it. But
what if it's his home number and not a cell number? Yep, I really was going
to drive myself crazy pretty soon. I never got this worked up over calling
a girl that I liked; if this is what I have to look forward to I may just
have to be alone forever.

Looking at the receipt in my hand made me smile, I smiled thinking about
the events of this afternoon and how I had finally worked up the courage to
call him, even if I was just texting him and even if I was stalling. I
flipped in around my fingers a few more times and realized that it was do
or die time. I was going to text him.  I slide open my phone and went to my
text screen, I carefully entered in his number so I wouldn't make a
mistake. Now all I had to do was write him a message, I was going to keep
it short and sweet so I wouldn't freak him out, or more importantly freak
myself out.

So I text to him a reminder of who I was, and a thank you for helping me
out in the store today and for the discount. And at the last minute I added
that we should get together this week and it would be my treat since him
helped me out today. Once I was done perfecting it I closed my eyes and
took a deep breath, then I quickly hit send and closed my phone. The ball
was now in his court, I did my part I just hoped that he would respond.

A sat my phone back on my desk and tucked his number away in a desk
drawer. I went to lay on my bed and read a book for my English class. I had
to do something or else I would stress over how soon he would reply. I got
myself comfy on my bed and started to read. What seemed like hours passed,
but was only a half hour I heard my message tone going off on my phone. I
nearly jumped off my bed and hit my ceiling. Could it be him? I made myself
calm down before I went to check my phone, no sense in getting myself
worked up in case it wasn't him, or worse yet, in case he didn't want to
talk to me.

I went over to my phone and looked at it; there was a message from an
unknown sender. That had to be him! I was so excited that I dropped my
phone on the floor, sometimes I could be such a spaz. I opened my phone and
braced myself, just because he text me back doesn't mean that it has to be
good I reminded myself. I went right to the message and closed my eyes
before it cane up on the screen. This is it I told myself, he is either
going to be nice or tell you to take a hike. Be ready for anything. I
looked at the message and skimmed down it very fast. It was about the same
length as mine and without reading every word it sounded good so far. I
went back to the beginning of it and read it word for word.

He basically told me that I was welcome and there was no thank you needed
he was just doing his job and since I spent so much he gave me the discount
to show his appreciation. He enjoyed helping me because I was open to
suggestions and made the time fun. He hoped I enjoyed the clothes and
wanted to find a time this week to hang out because I seemed like a cool
person.

After reading it completely I jumped around my room celebrating, after I
few minutes of it I calmed myself down enough to reply.  I text him back
and asked him if tomorrow was good for him. This time I kept my phone in my
hand the entire time, it also seemed like if I let it go it would all be
dream. After a few minutes my phone went off, I read the message and he
said the tomorrow would be good and that we could make plans in the morning
since he was tired from working a long shift and just wanted to get to be
early. I wrote back okay and that I'd call him in the morning, I ended it
with a good night.

Not expecting a reply back I sat my phone down and got ready for bed. I
figured that since Damien was going to sleep I could too, and it would be
like we were sleeping together. No sooner then I put on someting to sleep
in did I hear my phone go off again. I went over to my desk to look at it,
it was Damien. I opened it up to see what he wrote. He wrote me back
goodnight and sleep tight. I was happy before but now I was floating on
cloud nine! I had a date tomorrow with Damien! I had a date tomorrow with
Damien? What on earth did I just get myself into?



Sorry this chapter is so short, but I felt like I had to get something out
there. I'm already working on the next chapter and it will be much longer I
promise. Thanks for reading and don't forget to send me your comments.

Aaron