Date: Wed, 12 Feb 2003 15:20:28 -0800 (PST)
From: Jason Calme <jasoncalme@yahoo.com>
Subject: High School: Do What You Can - Chapter 3

Do What You Can

This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic
descriptions of sex.

You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your
age or residence.

This is a work of pure fiction.

Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its
author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any
website without the permission of the author.

Questions and commentary can be sent to
"JasonCalme@yahoo.com".


Chapter 3


The ride home gave me some time to cool down, but I was still
angry enough to spit nails. I barged though the front door, nearly
ripping it off it's hinges, and then slamming it hard.

My Mom came out of the kitchen to see what the matter was. She
took one look at my face and stopped herself from saying whatever
reprimand she'd been about to give me for nearly destroying the
door.

"Is everything all right?" she asked me calmly.

"Yes!" I shouted angrily.

She stood staring at me, a wary smile on her face. Then she sort
of rolled her eyes and started to laugh a little. I was standing there,
scowling at her, but then the humor of the situation struck me and I
started to giggle too. I couldn't help myself.

She walked over to me and hugged me.

"What happened?" she asked quietly. "Everything all right with
you and Zack?"

"We had a fight," I almost whispered.

"What about?"

"It's not important." I was too embarrassed to talk about it.

"That's not what it looked like," Mom said quietly.

"It's...I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

She paused for a moment, and then she patted my back and
stepped back. "Well if you need to talk about it, you know where I
live, right?"

"Yeah, Mom."

It was almost impossible to get angry at my Mom. She was
always so damned reasonable. How was I supposed to experience
teenage rebellion when my parents were so good to me? I always
felt like they trusted my judgment - trusted me - even if they didn't
agree with what I did. Sure, we had arguments, but they were
always intelligent discussions, not screaming matches, and most of
the time they let me do what I wanted to anyway.

And when they didn't, I always felt like they at least listened to
my argument, and I usually understood where they were coming
from too.

Which I guess just makes it odd that I can't trust them with my
sexuality. But then...well...sex is different, right?

"Okay. You want a cookie?" Mom asked. "Something to drink?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

We started to walk down to the kitchen when the doorbell rang. I
froze.

Mom looked at me thoughtfully and said quietly "I'll get it," and
turned and went back to the door. She pulled it open.

"Ah, Hi Mrs. Weinberger," I heard Zack's voice. It was quiet and
sounded raspy

"Hello Zack."

"Is Jed here?" he asked. He sounded nervous, or worried.

"Hang on a minute," she replied and turned to look at me.

I shook my head and my Mom looked sad. She opened her
mouth, as though she was about to say something to me, but then
she turned back to Zack.

"I'm sorry Zack. He can't talk to you right now."

There was silence for a moment.

"I really need to talk to him...it's...I'm..." and I could hear the pain
in his voice. He sounded like he was close to crying. But I was still
angry with him. Angry enough to not be moved by his pleading.

"Zack...it's just...he's upset at the moment," my Mother said
quietly.

"I don't know what I did," he said. He was begging now, and it
actually made me angrier.

I marched down the hallway and pulled the door back, yelling as I
did, "What you did!" I screamed at him, not really seeing him until
I'd spat out the words. When I did see him I was shocked. His eyes
were red and a little wet. Like maybe he had been crying. He looked
lost, and he visibly recoiled at what I'd said.

"I'm sorry" he pleaded and he looked so sad, and I was so
shocked to see him like this, I stepped back in horror.

"I...I..." I stuttered.

And then my Mother spoke. "Jed, Zack, let's go into the living
room so you two can talk."

I stepped back and nodded quietly. I only then realized that
Zack's mother was sitting in her car in the driveway. She was
watching us, obviously concerned about what was happening. My
mother ushered Zack in, and his mother called out "Should I wait?"
to my Mom. Mom shook her head and said we'd bring him home.

"You two go to the living room and I'll get some cookies," my
Mother said.

Cookies. How Mother-Knows-Best I thought. She was just giving
us a reason to be alone, yet letting us know she was going to come
back and check on us.

Zack and I walked down to the living room slowly, not saying a
word to each other, not even looking at each other. We even took
up seats across from each other.

The silence was almost oppressive, the two of us sitting there. All
I could hear was the sound of my breathing. Then I noticed I could
hear him breathing too; a slight kind of hiccup noise he made. I
looked over at him and he was quietly sobbing to himself, tears
running down his face.

I felt terrible.

He looked up and saw I was watching him, and he looked
embarrassed and turned away.

Shit! Why was I such an asshole? How had I let this happen?
Was I going to let this destroy our friendship? And how could I do
this to Zack?

I knew he still leaned on me a lot. In typical 'guy' fashion we
never talked about feelings or anything. We just hung out together,
and that was enough.

Sometimes, when I was feeling insecure about myself, I thought
of myself as a space filler. Something to fill the hole that Danny had
left. Not as a replacement, just something that Zack used to fill the
hole so that the loss wasn't as noticeable.

But most of the time I felt like we really were friends. Zack
seemed to have lots of friends, but it was me he hung out with. It
wasn't just tutoring anymore. It had gone on from that. I thought of
him as a friend, and hoped, really hoped, that he thought the same
of me.

But I still feared I was just a space filler.

And here I'd gone and acted stupid and hurt him.

I got up, grabbing the box of tissues from the table beside me,
and went and sat down next to him on the couch. I held the box out
to him and he took it and put it in his lap. He kind of nodded his
thanks to me and grabbed a couple and began wiping at his eyes.

We sat there for another couple of minutes. Him calming down.
Me wondering why it was taking my Mother so long to get some
cookies.

"Why?" Zack whispered.

"Why what?" I asked. I knew what he was asking. I was just
buying time to think of a good answer. Or at least a plausible one.

"I don't understand. What did I say? What did I do?"

I sat there thinking for a moment.

"When you called me a chicken," I began quietly, the took a deep
breath, "I just lost it. I'm sorry."

"But I was just kidding, I didn't mean it. you know that don't you?
Why'd you get so upset?"

"I'm terrified of the water Zack," I said quietly. He looked up at
me and I found it difficult to go on. "I...when I was seven I went to
this swimming class and getting into the pool I just froze. I was
hanging on to the ladder and I couldn't move. I couldn't get in and I
couldn't get out. I just held onto the ladder. My Mom had to come
and get me. I was just hanging there and the other kids were
calling me chicken. I've never been in a pool since then."

"You've never gone in the water since you were seven?"

"Just up to my knees at the beach," I said blushing and turning
away.

"I'm really sorry," Zack said, "I just...I'm sorry I said that. It was
stupid of me."

"It's okay. I'm sorry. I overreacted. I was just...scared. I nearly
wet myself," I said jokingly - well it was partly a joke - and Zack
smiled at me. "And then you called me a chicken and I just blew up.
I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said, "I just...I don't understand why you're so
frightened of the water...I just..."

I took a deep breath. Did I really want to do this? It sounded so
stupid when put into words. It was much scarier in my brain.

"I was...when I was five I went to Billy Cogan's birthday party."

Zack looked up, the surprise clearly evident.

"You were friends with Billy?" he asked. Billy was another kid on
the swim team. He was everything Zack wasn't; loud, obnoxious,
bullying and overbearing. An asshole who liked to swagger around
and get in everyone's face.

"Not really. We were in the same preschool. You know how that
goes," I said.

He nodded.

"He pushed me in the pool," I said.

Zack's eyes narrowed, he looked angry.

"He pushed you! The fucking bastard!" Zack spat.

"He was only six Zack," I said. I don't know why, but I'd never
really made the connection to Billy. I didn't see it as his fault that I
was scared of water. I always saw it as my fault. My problem that I
couldn't deal with water. Every other reasonable person could. It
was me that was defective.

"Well he hasn't changed any," Zack said quietly.

"Yeah, well, anyway I couldn't swim and went under. Swallowed
water. It was terrifying. After that I just didn't go near the water."

Zack looked thoughtful for a moment.

"You know," he said quietly, "I think I kinda remember that. I
think I was at that party..."

"Really?" I was surprised.

"Yeah, I think so," he shrugged. "I don't know, I just remember
something about someone in a pool and everyone running around,"
and then he shrugged, dismissing the memory. "I'm sorry man," he
said finally. "That Billy needs to get what's coming to him."

"It's not...you can't blame him for that."

"Well I can blame him for other things," Zack said frowning.

"Well that's not even the worst part," I said.

"What else happened?"

"My Mom took me home, so I didn't get any cake or a goody bag!"
Zack looked up and smiled and I smiled back and we laughed
together. He punched my shoulder playfully. We were okay again.

"I'm sorry Man!" he said, punching me again, "I promise I'll never
say you're chicken again. You're brave just getting in the shallow
end and I didn't even realize it."

"I'm not being brave," I said.

"Yeah you are. You never even told me! I can't believe you!" and
he slapped my leg and I felt embarrassed and kind of a little good
inside as well. Did he really think I was being brave?

"Well, I think we should give up on the swimming lessons. I'm
just a hopeless case."

"No way!" said Zack.

"Yeah way. I'm not making progress."

"Yeah you are. It's slow progress, but you have made progress.
We just have to keep it up and make sure you're comfortable. Now I
know all the facts," and he glanced at me as though I was a
misbehaving school boy, "we'll adjust the training program to work
on water confidence rather than swimming mechanics."

"No...let's not waste our time."

"We're not wasting our time," Zack said. He was back on his
mission again. "Give me one more chance. I promise, it'll go better.
Give me one more chance okay?"

I looked at him and had to smile. "Okay, but I don't want this to
ruin our friendship. If I decide I want to stop we stop."

"Okay," he said. He held up his hand and I gave him five and then
he suddenly pulled me into a hug and we hugged each other hard
and it felt so good to hug him.

I guess what they say about making up after arguments is true!

God! I thought, I'd nearly thrown away our relationship over that
damn water business. I nearly started to cry. But Zack patted me on
the back and let go of me, and my Mom came in with cookies and
coke. Right on cue. Which made me wonder if she hadn't been
listening and waiting for the right time to come in.



We ended up going to my room and hanging out. Luckily it was a
Friday so we didn't have to do homework that night. My Mom invited
Zack to stay for dinner and he called his Mom to let her know that
everything was okay.

We were in my room. I was sitting on my bed and Zack was on
the floor looking through a video game magazine.

"That Billy Cogan needs to get taken down a notch or two," he
suddenly said.

"Huh?" I said. I had no idea where that had come from.

"Nothing."

"Don't be mad about the swimming thing. I told you, he was six."

"He's still a shit. I bet you he'd push you in again at his next
birthday if he had the chance."

I thought about it for a moment, and I guessed he was right. Billy
had always been obnoxious. A little insecure I felt. Always wanting
to be the best, be the first. Squash anyone else that would show
him up. I'd never been his friend, I just avoided him. I'd noticed over
the last couple of years he'd become even more of an obnoxious
jerk.

"Maybe," I finally agreed.

"I'm gonna beat the shit out of him," he said casually, turning the
page of the magazine.

"Don't do that," I said, "Not for me."

"I want to get him for Danny," he said quietly.

"Danny? Did he do something to Danny?"

"He...after Danny was..." Zack paused, screwing up his firsts,
then he relaxed. "I heard him say to another guy on the swim team
that the driver should get a medal for taking out a fag."

"Shit," I said.

Now I was angry with Billy. Angrier than I was about him pushing
me in.

"I was so mad...if I hadn't known it would have been the last
thing Danny would have wanted me to do I would have punched his
lights out." He paused and looked thoughtful, then he shrugged. "I
just quit the team instead."

Zack casually turned back to the magazine and continued paging
through it. If you didn't know him you'd think that Zack didn't really
care, but I knew from how controlled he was that Zack was really
angry. When Zack got angry he got quieter. He was very still.
Almost too still.

"So you quit the team because of that?" I said quietly.

He nodded.

"So you're punishing yourself for something Billy did?"

He looked up at me, a little confused.

"Why didn't you just put itching powder in his jock or something?"
I said, almost laughing.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "I just...I guess I wanted to get
away for a bit."

"Kay," I said.

We didn't talk about Billy again. Instead we just hung out, had
dinner and Zack stayed and watched a movie. I kind of really
wanted to ask him if he wanted to sleep over, but I didn't have the
nerve. And it seemed like such a kid thing to do. So I didn't say
anything, and I borrowed Mom's car and drove Zack home.

The next day Zack invited me over to his place and I knew he
wasn't going to let go of the swimming thing.

I could have said no. I could have pretended I had to do
something. If I stayed away for a while - if we just studied at my
house - maybe I could avoid swimming altogether. Then in a couple
of weeks I'd casually tell him that I didn't want to swim anymore.
Would that be okay with him?

But he'd be disappointed. I knew that.

So I went.

Reluctantly.



I was almost shaking when I rang the doorbell. Zack answered it,
a huge grin on his face. He must have noticed how nervous I was.
He just opened out his arms and pulled me into a hug and told me
not to worry, nothing bad was going to happen.

And he was right. Zack had a whole new swimming program
planned out. Or at least that's what he told me.

It turned out that it involved no swimming! We just hung out in
the shallow end of the pool.

Zack hovered around me as I was getting into the pool, and I
actually had to tell him I was okay. I wasn't going to freak as long
as the water didn't get above my chest.

He had snacks and drinks and a floating mattress. I lay for a little
while on the mattress Ð Zack holding firmly to my arms so I knew I
couldn't just slip off. And at the end we had a water fight, just
splashing each other like mad.

All within the safety of the shallow end. I was never more than
five feet from the ladder.

It was the most fun I'd ever had in water.



And much to my surprise, Zack went back to the swim coach and
got back on the team too. So my little talk with him must have done
some good.

Except, of course, he had to do it his way.



It was a Saturday morning and I thought Zack was picking me up
and we were going to go and hang at the Mall. I was actually
thinking about calling a couple of friends and seeing if they wanted
to hang with us. It seemed like I hadn't seen much of anybody
except Zack for the past month or two and I was wondering if my
friends were missing me.

When I think about it, I never really used to hang out with my
friends after school anyway. I was kind of solitary and did things on
my own.

My best friend when I was growing up was named Max. We were
friends forever and pretty much did everything together. But then
his family moved away when I was twelve.

There had never been anything sexual between us, he moved
before I really started thinking about sex. I'm not even sure if I
would have been attracted to him. Probably I would have, after all, I
enjoyed hanging out with him. But he moved away, so I'll never
know.

And I'd never found anyone to replace him. I had friends at
school, but that was all they were; school friends. We talked at
school, and had lunch together. But we never did anything after
school.

I got really interested in photography, and that was what I did
outside school. I was involved with the camera club and the school
newspaper. I knew people through that.

You're probably thinking I'm a bit of a social outcast, but I never
felt that way. I guess I never felt I needed other people to be close
to me. I was always ready to go my own way and if you didn't want
to do what I was interested in, then see ya' later. Maybe that was
my problem; I didn't want to be friends with anyone. Or I wasn't
willing to make any sacrifices to be a friend.

Maybe losing Max made me subconsciously not want to become
friends with anyone else for fear of losing them too. Or maybe I'm
just a screwed up person like everyone else who takes things too
seriously, and reads too much into nothing. I need to read more
psychology books!

The whole point, if I ever get to it, is that the last couple of
months with Zack were really unlike me. Even my Mom commented
something about it earlier that week. I was lying on my bed
listening to some music one afternoon and my Mom came in to drop
off some clothes.

"Zack not coming over today?" she asked.

"Nah," I said, "he had to do something this afternoon."

"Oh, it seems quiet without him around," she said.

And then she was gone, leaving me feeling a little odd. Had she
meant anything by that?



Zack pulled up in his parents Volvo wagon. I had been wondering
why he didn't have a car of his own. His folks could have easily
afforded it. I even asked him once whether he had thought about
getting a car and he just shrugged. Well the wagon wasn't exactly
cool, but it was a really nice car to ride in.

I got in the car and noticed Zack had on a tracksuit, which he
didn't usually wear. I kind of stared at him as though to say 'what
gives' but he just smirked and off we went.

After about five minutes I guessed we weren't going to the Mall.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see," he said casually.

"Come on!" I moaned.

"It's a secret," he smirked. A few minutes later we arrived at the
city pool. I looked at him suspiciously. Did he think I was going
swimming with him at the pool? I'd made some progress - okay I
was really comfortable splashing around in the shallow end - but I
wasn't ready for anything beyond that. Swimming in a large pool
would be too much for me.

Zack glanced over at me with a grin, and I guess saw that I'd
turned pale.

"You're not swimming," he said, "don't worry."

"Oh," I breathed out, "okay." And I got out slowly.

We walked over to the entrance and I realized that there was a
swim meet there that morning. We'd arrived early. Then I noticed he
had a bag with him and I kind of put it all together. He was in the
swim team again.

Duh.

I followed him in to the building, and he headed towards the
changing rooms. I stopped and he turned.

"You can come in if you want, it's okay," he said.

"Nah," I said, "I'll go get a seat." I didn't want to be in a changing
room with boys changing. Particularly sexy boys changing into
Speedos. Particularly Zack. And particularly not when I had nothing
else to do except watch them. I was thickening a little just thinking
about it.

"Okay," he said, "wish me luck?"

"Sure!" I said, and I grabbed him and hugged him quickly. "Good
luck."

I went in to the pool area and found a seat. There weren't a
whole lot of people there yet, so I found one right up front.

The meet wasn't starting for a half hour and Zack wasn't even in
the first couple of events. I was sitting there, kind of dreaming a bit,
when I saw Zack's parents coming towards me. His Mom smiled and
waved at me. She looked really excited, and I kind of hoped they
wouldn't sit next to me. I had this feeling she was going to be
yelling for Zack loudly during the race. She looked like the kind. I
would die of embarrassment.

They stopped to say 'Hi' to me. It was the first time I had met
Zack's father. He was tall and thin, like Zack, but rather quiet and
reserved. He didn't strike me as the sports type. Zack had told me
he was a big exec at a computer firm or something. He smiled when
he shook my hand and said he'd heard a lot about me, which made
me blush. Luckily for me they sat a few rows back and away from
me.

I was a little nervous when Zack finally came up for his race. He
nodded to me as he was getting ready, and he noticed his Mother
who was waving at him and smiled embarrassedly at her. The
swimmers were getting ready, taking off their warm-up gear and
walking around in their Speedos, but I only had eyes for Zack. Who,
I noticed, glanced over at Billy Cogan several times. Billy was also
swimming in the event. I wondered how Zack was dealing with his
feelings toward Billy.

Billy, it seemed, was adjusting the front of his swimsuit and
having a bit of trouble. He finished doing it, but then he scratched
himself a couple of times. He squirmed around a bit. The other
swimmers were milling around, swinging their arms and trying to
psych themselves up. Zack kept glancing back at Billy. I looked back
and Billy was scratching his nuts again. Then he stuck his whole
hand down the front of his swimsuit for a second or two. He looked
a little worried.

The swimmers were asked to take their marks, and they climbed
up on the little boxes they were going to dive from. Billy stepped up,
but he was still fidgeting. He bent down for about a second, then
suddenly he straightened up, shoved his hand down inside his
Speedo. Grabbing his nuts he turned and jumped awkwardly off the
box and ran back to the changing room. Everyone else stopped and
watched as he ran off. Confusion was in the air, but I saw a big
smirk on Zack's face for just a moment. He glanced at me, his face
serious, and then he turned away.

And then I remembered the itching powder remark. Surely he
hadn't...I wondered...but then I guessed he had to have done
something.



About half way through the event I went down to buy myself
something to snack on. There were soda and snack vending
machines in the entrance way. I was searching through my pockets
for a dollar for a soda when Zack's Mom came up behind me.

"Let me get that for you," she said, putting a dollar in the
machine.

"Thanks Mrs. Taylor," I said.

"Do you want anything else?" she asked.

"It's okay," I said, but she bought me a bag of chips and a
chocolate bar before I could protest. She said something about
growing boys needing energy or some such nonsense. I just smiled
and thanked her.

"So did you know he was doing this?" she asked me.

"No," I shook my head, "he just picked me up and I thought we
were going to the Mall."

She smiled. "We found a note on the table," she said. "It read:
Gone to Swim Meet. Wish me luck. Back this afternoon. Zack"

"So he didn't want you to come?" I asked.

"Who knows? Sometimes I can't figure out what Zack wants,"
and she grinned at me.

I shrugged. "Me too," I said.

"So how'd you get him to do it?" she asked conspiratorially.

"Do what?" I asked innocently. She looked like she was coming in
for a hug.

"To go back on the swim team. Every time we tried to talk to him
about it he swore he was never going to go back on the team."

"Oh, I don't think I did anything much."

"Anything much?" she asked smiling.

"Well not intentionally. Maybe I gave him an idea for how to deal
with someone he was mad at. Though I didn't think he'd take me
literally," I said, grinning nervously.

Mrs. Taylor looked at me curiously for a moment, and then her
eyes widened in recognition for just a second and she nodded.

"Well," she said, "you never told me that, and it's probably best I
forget about it. Though maybe you'll be more careful in future."

"In future?"

"You have a lot of power over Zack," she said.

I was shocked.

"Don't worry," she said before I could protest. "You've been
wonderful for him. I don't know what he would have done
after...well you've just been...a good friend."

"I really...like Zack. He's become my best friend," I said, believing
it.

She smiled. "Will you have dinner with us?" she asked.

"Sure. Thanks."



Zack came in second in his first two races, and third in the last. I
was really excited. I thought that was great. His parents were
thrilled, though I think they'd have been thrilled if he'd come in last.
Zack himself was kind of ho-hum about it. I think he was
disappointed he didn't do better; he was used to winning, and was
kind of kicking himself he hadn't. But considering he hadn't really
been training, he did pretty well.



I guess it was inevitable that I would finally realize that I was in
love with Zack.

Oh it only took three or four months of spending most of my free
time with him, studying, swimming, going to movies, hanging at the
mall. We were inseparable, and I just never figured it out.

Could I be gay?

I mean; I'm not stupid. We had become really close friends. I
loved to spend all my time with him.

And I knew I thought he was sexy.

But in love with him?

In love with a boy?

Not just lust. Not just sex. Not just wanting to look at his dick and
do sex things with him. But loved him. I loved him.

I was gay.

I was even jerking off thinking about him. His smiling face, his
naked body, his cute cock and tight butt. All were indelibly burned
into my brain, and cycled around at some point while I was beating
off. Usually as I was about to cum. I liked to think about Zack as I
came. I always came quicker and harder thinking about Zack.

I was gay. I couldn't deny it anymore, at least to myself.

But I couldn't do anything about it either.



After he started swimming again, I took my digital camera down
to a swim meet and took about thirty pictures of Zack. I would have
felt self-conscious about doing it at his house, but at the swim
meet, taking pictures for the school paper, I could snap away. One
of Zack. One of the team. Another of Zack. One of Billy. Three more
of Zack.

Pictures of Zack smiling, Zack stretching, Zack sitting, Zack
standing. Zack in his tiny Speedo. Zack from the side, and you could
see the bulge in his Speedo. One from the back and you could see
the white flesh of his butt where the racing Speedo was slightly
smaller than his regular suit.

If anyone had seen the pictures I'd taken that day they would
have guessed the truth. I only turned in a fraction of the pictures I'd
taken to the paper. I even edited it so there was exactly the same
number of Zack as there were of anyone else. I didn't want my
editor getting suspicious.

I jerked off looking at the pictures on my computer. Twice.


So you'd figure I was all set? You'd think this would be easy,
right? I mean, he was gay and I liked him. He hung out with me a
lot and he seemed to like me too. All I had to do was tell him and
we'd be making mad monkey sex before you knew it? Right?

Of course it couldn't be that easy.



I still had to deal with Danny.

Zack seemed to be doing better with the memory of Danny than I
was. We rarely talked about him, though Zack seemed now able to
remember him without going to pieces. He could talk about
something fun they'd done together and not start crying. It was
good to see that after almost six months he was starting to come to
terms with the loss. It still hurt him, but he could move through it.

On the other hand, I was suffering from incredible guilt. I had
befriended Zack when things were darkest for him. Had done it
mostly out of an odd sense of obligation towards Danny. When I
went over to Zack that day I had no intention of doing anything
more than helping him with that homework assignment. The rest
just seemed to happen. I didn't know how. Zack and I had formed a
really strong bond of friendship.

But again, it was because of Danny.

I knew that at any other time and place Zack and I would never
have realized that we could have been friends. Would have never
taken the time to create the connection.

But through those first few weeks, when we mainly were
concentrating on getting his school work done, we managed to find
other things that kept us together, long after Zack ceased to really
need me to function. I was still helping him, and we worked
together at his or my house, but we tended to work separately and
I'd just help him when he needed it. We were now hanging out
because we were friends. We liked each others company.

So I kind of felt like I had snuck in under the radar, and if I was to
make a play for Zack, than that would make me look like someone
who had been using Zack's pain to get him.

I was so proud of what I'd done for Zack, that I couldn't risk
sullying it.

I didn't know what to do. Should I stop being Zack's friend for a
while? Then come back to him if he still wanted me?

I thought that maybe dating others would somehow provide the
necessary bridge to being able to date Zack. I don't know how I
came to that conclusion, it just happened.

Yeah, it was a dumb idea. But I actually went on a date with a
girl.

I hadn't dated anyone for months. Okay, I had only ever gone on
three 'real' dates in my entire life. I'd gone out with friends to
movies and stuff, but there'd only been three real dates.

But somehow, one lunchtime at school, I was chatting with this
girl and having fun, and Zack, sitting next to me, just up and said
that I should ask he out on a date. I was so embarrassed. She
actually heard him say it! She smiled at me and I figured; here's you
chance. Somehow I actually managed to stutter out an invitation!
I'm not too sure who was more shocked. Me, her or Zack.

Well I went on a date with her and we had fun. Not super fun,
just the kind of fun you might have going to a movie with your
sister. There was no spark there. But she was gracious, and it
wasn't like it was a terrible evening.

At least I'd dated.

Part 1 of 'Big Dumb Plan to Get Zack' completed.

So then I dropped hints that Zack should consider dating.

At first he resisted and I didn't push hard because, well frankly, I
didn't want him to go on a date. I'd finally realized the problem with
the 'Big Dumb Plan to Get Zack.' When I'd gone on a date with that
girl I'd known that nothing would come of it. I didn't want her. I
didn't want a girl. I wanted Zack.

But Zack didn't know that. Didn't know that was the plan. Instead,
he might actually meet someone he liked. Then what? I'd lose him.


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To be continued...


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My other stories:
    Boy Bands: All The Ways I Love You
    Boy Bands: Birthday Blues