Date: Thu, 1 Sep 2011 15:57:38 -0400
From: Ronyx <ronyx@woh.rr.com>
Subject: Door Number Three    Chapter 6

The following is a work of fiction. Any similarities to anyone are purely
coincidental. The story is intended for a mature audience. It may contain
profanity and references to gay sex. If this offends you, please leave and
find something more suitable to read. The author maintains all rights to
the story. Do not copy or use without written permission. Write
ronyx@themustardjar.com with your comments. Ronyx is a prolific Nifty
author. Visit my personal website at www.themustardjar.com for more
stories.


Door Number Three        Chapter 6


After escorting Valerie to her fifth period class, I had to run to my class
in order to make it on time. It was a computer science class that I really
didn't need for graduation. I took it because there were no other classes
available that period. Most of the material I had learned myself by the
fifth grade.

As I worked on an assignment, I kept thinking about what Valerie had told
me about Adrian. It seemed that he was deep into the closet- like I now
was. She mentioned that his father was a minister. She said he would disown
Adrian if he discovered he was gay. She even begged me not to tell anyone
else

If he was hiding his sexuality, then why did he open himself up to me?
Again, everything seemed to return to fate. But that can't be because fate
doesn't exist, does it? I've always believed that everything is subject to
free will. We chose our destiny and make our own choices.

I guess that's why this whole situation has bothered me so much. It's as if
I have lost control of everything. I lost control of me. Perhaps fate does
exist and we can't control it. Maybe things do happen for an unexplained
reason.

Maybe that's what has happened. Fate brought Adrian and I together. Maybe I
had been gay all my life and I denied it so intensely that I refused to
accept what was real. You don't just wake up one morning and you are
gay. Adrian staring into my eyes didn't turn me gay. It had to have been
there all along.

It could also explain why he took a risk and came out of his safe, secure
closet for me. Maybe fate did play a hand. Maybe it was more than just two
people flirting furtively with one another. Perhaps there does exist a book
entitled, Fate. What if our names did appear side by side and our stars
were meant to collide?

But that's a fairy tale, right? Cinderella and Prince Charming. They only
exist for children's entertainment, right? Happily ever after is written at
the end of a fairy tale, it doesn't exist in real life, right?

The more I think about things the more confused I become. I feel like I am
going mad. There is also something else confusing me. What if Adrian is my
destiny and I deny him. Will I ever find love again? What if a book called
Fate does exist and our names are etched together and I run away from it.
Will there be someone else for me?

What if, again. What if Adrian isn't my future? What if he is a temptation
unleashed by Pandora's Box, someone to divert me from my real future? What
if Rachel had been my destiny and I screwed up? What if my future was a
girl named Nancy whom I am supposed to meet six years from now? What if it
is etched in the book of Fate that we are to meet, fall in love and live
happily ever after? What then? What if I screwed up my life by not heeding
the warnings associated with Pandora's Box? What if I wasn't gay and every
thought I'd had the past few days was only a senseless fabrication that I
manufactured within my mind?

What if? What if? What if? Isn't there anyone who can give me a fucking
answer to the what ifs that are tormenting me?

I was startled from my reverie when the bell rang. I looked toward the
front of the room and realized that I had absolutely no clue what the class
had been doing. I scanned the board for an assignment, but yesterday's was
still there. Perhaps he didn't give an assignment. Perhaps I don't give a
fuck anymore.

I went to my last period, but the same tormenting thoughts wracked my brain
By the end of the day, my mind was a wasteland of senseless gibberish. I
knew less about my life and myself than I had ever experienced. I needed
someone to talk to, someone I could trust, but everyone I had trusted in
the past had deserted me.

I thought of confiding in Billy, but he was only fourteen years old. He
hardly had any pubic hair. How could he help me? He knew less about this
than I did.

I couldn't confide in my parents because... well, I just couldn't. How
could I possibly sit down with my parents and tell them about how one boy
opened up a flood of self-doubt? I could hear Mom now. "That's ridiculous,
Zac. A boy looking at you can't make you gay."

And she would be right and I couldn't offer a defense. Adrian didn't make
me gay, it was already there. He only opened the box and let it escape. How
could I possibly make anyone understand that?

I couldn't even make myself understand it.

I left class at the end of the day and took my book bag to my car before
heading to the gym. I had decided that I didn't want to run track any
longer. I knew Coach Templeton would be pissed, but the decision was
mine. You know- that thing about free will. Fate had nothing to do with
this decision.

We had a very dedicated track team. I had grown up with most of the guys
and I knew how much track meant to them. I would only be a distraction if
word got out I was gay. You can't keep something hidden like this
forever. People talk about a friggin' closet. There is no closet. A
person's life is like an open book when something as monumental as being
gay exists. People may not say it to your face, but they think it behind
your back. No, closets don't exist. That's only another senseless
fabrication.

As I headed to Coach Templeton's office, my worst nightmare
appeared. Kenny. And he was walking with Adrian. They were walking side by
side down the hall when Kenny looked up and saw me approaching. I can't
even describe the look that appeared on his face. It was like a combination
of surprise, remorse and disgust all wrapped up into one look.

He moved to the other side of Adrian as they passed. He didn't even
acknowledge that I was in the hallway. We had been best friends for
fourteen fucking years and he couldn't look me in my face?

Adrian smiled, nodded his head and gave me a cheerful, "Hi, Zac." Kenny put
his arm around his shoulder and led him quickly down the hall. I turned as
Adrian looked back and gave me a puzzled look. At least it appeared that
Kenny hadn't told him what had happened over the weekend.

My face was red with anger when I approached the coach's office. I knew
that the time wasn't right to discuss quitting the track team. I was too
upset and I was afraid what I might say. Coach Templeton was one of the
nicest guys I knew and he didn't deserve me taking out my anger on him. I
turned and headed back down the hall with plans to come back when I was
more levelheaded.

My plan didn't work because as soon as I stepped away from his door, he
opened it and came out. "Zac!" He shouted. "Come in my office. I have
someone I'd like you to meet."

"Uh, Coach," I stammered, "Can this wait? I'm kind of in a hurry."

"Nonsense," he replied as he approached me and put his hand on my shoulder
and led me into his office.

There was a man in his office, walking around and looking at the trophies
on the shelves. "Very impressive, Walter," he said as he turned and noticed
me. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know we had company."

Coach Templeton looked over at me and laughed. "Zac isn't company. He's
almost like a son to me." He walked over and picked up a trophy from last
year's state meet. "In fact, he's the reason this trophy is sitting on the
shelf."

The man's eyes widened. "Zachary Barnes?" He walked over and shook my
hands. "You're THE Zachary Barnes?"

"Zac, Sir." I replied as my face began to redden.

He started laughing. "Zac it is, then. I'm Martin Gillespie Most people
call my Marty."

Marty was a very attractive man for a guy probably in his forties. His body
was very fit. It was obvious he spent a lot of time in a gym somewhere. His
tee shirt appeared about a size too small on him, as his muscular chest
seemed to want to burst through. He was shorter than me by about two
inches. His face was chiseled and rugged. He had a dark tan, like someone
who may work construction outside during the hot summer.

I immediately liked him. He seemed to have a lively personality and a
cheerful demeanor. He reminded me of my mother- no one is a stranger. A
simple hello and you are a friend for life.

Coach Templeton walked over and placed his hand on my shoulder
again. "Marty is the guy I was telling you about who is going to help train
the sprinters and hurdlers this year."

Marty started laughing as he winked at me. "I don't know how much help I
can give you. I watched you run last year at the finals. You're awesome."
He looked down at my legs. "It looks like you're even more developed than
last year. If you don't win it all this year, then Walter needs to resign
and bring in someone younger."

"Hey!" Coach shouted defensively. "Don't forget we're the same age." Marty
leaned back and started laughing. His laugh was infectious. I started
laughing too, and I didn't even know why.

"Zac?" I looked over at the coach when he called my name. "Go put on your
running shorts and meet us on the track in fifteen minutes. I want to get
started right away."

"But coach..." I was trapped. With Marty looking on and smiling, there was
no way I was going to be able to tell Coach I didn't want to participate
anymore.

"No, buts," said Marty. "Go get ready. I can't wait to work with you." He
looked over at Coach. "This is just like the old days." He gave me a gentle
push through the door. I went to the locker room, put on my running shoes
and shorts, and then met them on the track.

I have to admit that when we finished an hour later I felt good about
myself. Marty kept telling me how awesome I was. After days of
self-torment, it felt good to hear someone tell me something good about
myself.

The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. He was extremely
knowledgeable about track. In just one hour, he gave me a better
understanding about running the 100m than I had learned in three years. I
almost felt like an Olympian being instructed by one of the top trainers.

I felt uncomfortable when he knelt down and ran his hands over my
legs. Coach had gone back into the gym and we were alone. "I want to start
some rigid leg lift exercises right away. You've got good muscle tone, but
if you're going to come out of the blocks faster, you need a little more
muscle." I tensed up when he gripped my calf and squeezed it.

"Relax," he laughed. "I'm your trainer. I have to feel your legs. You can
let your boyfriend do the arousing."

"What!" I stepped back with an astonished look.

He looked at me and smiled. "Come on, Zac," he laughed. "You do a good job
of hiding it, but I'm an old pro at this."

"You're gay?" He laughed when he saw the astonished look on my face.

"And so are you," he said knowingly. "Come on, sit down." He sat down on
the grass and crossed his legs. I hesitantly sat down in front of him. He
folded his hands and rested them on his chin as he studied me for a
minute. I began to fidget under his scrutinizing glare.

Finally, he clapped his hands. "Okay, I got it." He studied me again before
speaking. "You're not out, to anyone. Am I right?" I didn't know what to
say. I just looked dumbfounded at him.

"And you're having trouble accepting who you are." He scanned my face
intently, looking into my eyes. "In fact, unless I've missed my mark here,
you're going through a bit of a crisis right now." I felt tears welling up
in my eyes. It was as if was reading me like a book.

"Have I missed anything yet?" I wiped away tears as I shook my head.

"Why are you doing this?" I cried.

"Relax, Zac," he replied softly. "I went through the same thing when I was
in college. In fact, it was the main reason I missed out running in the
Olympics. I was dealing with so much self doubt, it affected how I ran."

"If you're going to win the gold medal," he explained, "then you have to
have confidence, and not just about your ability to run fast. You have to
know who you are and why you are doing it."

"I was coming today to tell the Coach I didn't want to run track this
year," I said as I wiped more tears from my eyes.

"I kind of sensed that," he smiled, "but I didn't want to be wrong." He
looked sympathetically at me. "You want to talk about it?" I nodded my
head.

He looked at his watch. "It's getting late. Do you need to talk now, or can
we wait until tomorrow? I'll stay out here all night with you if you want
me to."

I looked at him and smiled. "I made it this far, I guess one more day won't
hurt."

"You sure?" I nodded my head.

Suddenly, panic swept over me. "You're not going to tell Coach about this
are you?"

"Anything we talk about will be between us," he assured me. "You have my
word on that."

"And you won't tell him I was thinking about quitting."

"Was?" He looked at me and smiled. I nodded my head.

"Don't worry about Coach, Zac," he said. "Who do you think helped bring me
back when I thought I couldn't go on anymore? When I didn't qualify for the
Olympics, I considered suicide."

"And Coach helped you?"

"He never left my side." This time tears appeared in his eyes. "That's what
real friends do."

He stood, put out his hand and helped me up. "Thanks, Marty." He put his
hand on my shoulder as we walked back into the gym. For the first time in
several days, I felt that tomorrow just might be a little bit better.


My good feelings didn't last very long, though. When I got home and opened
up my email, there was one from Kenny. When I opened it, it read: `r u a
homo?'

Billy and Lonnie entered the room just as I was deleting the email. They
walked over and sat down on Billy's bed. I looked over and Lonnie timidly
threw up his hand and said, "Hi, Zac."

They sat for several minutes quietly on the bed watching me surfing around
on my computer. I tried to read an article on a runner in California, but I
could sense their eyes boring into the back of my head.

I turned in my chair and faced them. "What?"

Billy asked shyly, "You got a minute? Me and Lonnie need to talk to you."

"Lonnie and I," I corrected him. He rolled his eyes.

"This ain't English class," he huffed.

I started laughing. "This isn't English class." He rolled his eyes again.

"Come on, Zac," he pleaded as he looked over at Lonnie. "We need to talk to
you." I could tell by the worried look on his face that something serious
had happened. I rolled my chair across the floor until I was facing them.

"What's up?"

Billy looked worriedly at Lonnie before speaking. "We got a problem?" I
looked at Lonnie to see tears starting to form in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

It surprised me when my brother reached down and took Lonnie's hand and
held it. "Me and Lonnie are gay."

I just sat and stared at them. I already suspected that they were, but I
wasn't sure how I should react. It's not like making the winning shot in a
basketball game. You can't jump up, shout excitedly and give each other a
high five.

Then again, I didn't want to appear shocked. Billy trusted me and if he
thought that I was repulsed by what he was now telling me, then it could
seriously damage our relationship.

I kept looking into my brother and Lonnie's expectant faces. I looked down
at their entwined hands. I searched for a right thing to say, but I
couldn't. Then I looked into Billy's face and smiled.

"Lonnie and I are gay," I joked. "Jeez. Don't they teach you guys anything
in school anymore?" I watched as Billy looked at Lonnie and let out a sigh
of relief.

"So you're not upset?" he asked.

I looked at them and smiled. "What's to be upset about?"

"I just told you that me and Lon...," he starting grinning, "I mean, Lonnie
and I are gay?"

"It's not like you told me you murdered someone," I said jokingly. "That
may have upset me."

"So," he asked, "You're okay with it?"

"You're my brother right?" He nodded. I turned to Lonnie. "And you're his
best friend, right?" Lonnie nodded timidly. "Then what's not to be okay
with it? Besides, I already thought you guys might be."

Kenny nudged Billy in his side. "See I told you," he said as he looked at
me and smiled.

I leaned forward and gave both of them a hug. "I'm glad you came to me and
told me."

Billy fidgeted on the bed and looked worriedly at Lonnie. Lonnie nodded his
head. "We kind of got another problem and we needed to talk to someone
about it." I looked down as he squeezed Lonnie's hand tightly.

"What's wrong?" I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what my brother had to
say. I was dealing with enough of my own problems. I wasn't sure I could
handle my brother's problems also.

Tears welled up in his eyes. "We think we may be sick."

"Why?" I asked worriedly. They both seemed so distraught, I was beginning
to panic. Sick? The two boys sitting before me looked perfectly healthy.

"Some guys at school were talking about catching AIDS," Billy
explained. His face began to redden. "They said that cock suckers always
die from it." Tears began to flow as he put his arm around Lonnie and held
him tightly. Tears appeared in both their eyes.

He looked at me and cried, "We don't want to die! We're too young!"

I had to put my hand over my face in an attempt to stifle a laugh. I
remembered all the misinformation I had received from outside the
classroom. When I was Billy's age, the rumor in gym was you could get a
girl pregnant if you laid on top of her fully clothed and humped her. Jason
Weller swore that if you had precum, it could go through a boy's pants and
enter the girl's vagina. For months, several guys were afraid to make out
with their girlfriends for fear of becoming a teenage father.

"Relax," I smiled still trying not to laugh. "You're not sick. You can't
get AIDS from sucking a guy's dick." They looked worriedly at me when I
added, "Well, not usually, anyway."

"So we can die?" Lonnie asked tearfully.

"No," I assured them. "Okay," my face started to redden. "You guys have put
me in a spot here. I really don't want to know too much about what you guys
have done together."

"We've only sucked each other," Billy said quickly. "We haven't done the
other thing."

"The other thing?"

"Yeah," Billy face began to redden. "You know. Put our things in each
others..."

"Wait!" I shrieked as I put my hand up. "I get the idea."  All of us seemed
to relax as we looked at each other and laughed.

Billy looked hopefully at me. "So we're not going to die then?"

"No," I said assertively. "You're not going to die." They looked at each
other and sighed.

"But listen to me." They turned and faced me. "There are diseases you can
get from having sex with someone, and you really have to be careful." They
nodded their heads.

"Okay," I sighed deeply. "This is a hard question to ask, but have either
of you had sex with anyone else?" They looked at each other and shook their
heads.

"Good," I replied with relief. "Keep it that way. As long as you do, then
you don't have anything to worry about."

"So we don't have AIDS?" Billy asked.

"No," I assured him. "You don't have AIDS. But just remember something."
They nodded their heads and listened intently. "When you have sex with
someone, then you have sex with everyone they've ever had sex with."

"That don't make sense," Lonnie said.

"What I'm trying to say," I continued, "is that if you have sex with a guy
and he's had sex with someone who did have a sexual disease, then there is
a risk that you too can become infected. Do you understand?"

They nodded their heads. "I think so," said Billy.

I turned to where I had thrown the condom the night before. I walked over,
picked it up and put it in Billy's hand. "And if you ever decide to do that
`other thing,' then make sure you always use one of these." I don't think I
had ever seen Billy's face turn so red. He looked at Lonnie and then
nodded.

"Now there are some other things we need to talk about."

"What?" Billy asked.

I looked at my brother and asked, "Have you told Mom and Dad you're gay?"
He shook his head.

"I tried to talk to Mom a couple of weeks ago," he said, "but when I asked
her what she thought about gay people she changed the subject."

"Changed the subject?"

"Yeah," he replied. "She started talking about gardening."

"Gardening?" I was becoming confused.

"Yeah," he continued. "She started talking about planting flowers." I
almost fell out of my chair when I leaned back and roared with
laughter. They both gave me a puzzled look.

"Did she mention pink carnations?" I laughed. He gave me a weird look.

"Yeah, pink carnations." They looked at each other as I continued to laugh.

I reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "Billy," I said. "I think it will
be all right if you talk to Mom and Dad."

"Really?" He asked excitedly. "I've been wanting to for a long time." He
looked at me as if he were ready to break into tears. "I've wanted to tell
you but I was afraid you'd hate me."

I opened my arms and he fell into them. I looked over at a tearful Lonnie
and reached for him. I considered telling them I was gay, but I wanted to
talk to Marty first. I had many unresolved issues I had to deal with before
I came out to anyone. Besides, I didn't want Lonnie to be around. I thought
it should be something I shared with Billy alone.

"What about you?" I looked at Lonnie. "Do your parents know?"

"Kind of," he replied.

"Kind of?"

"We talked last year about it," he explained, "but they thought I might be
too young to know for sure." He reached down and took Billy's hand. "But I
already know." They leaned in to kiss each other, but I loudly cleared my
throat.

"One other thing," I laughed. "I don't want to walk into the room and find
you two on the bed going at it." They looked at each other and giggled.

"So, let's come up with a plan." They eagerly nodded their heads.

"If Lonnie is here and I want to come in the room," I said, "then I'll
knock twice and wait thirty seconds before entering." They shook their
heads. Then a sad look appeared on Billy's face.

"But that's not fair to you," he said. "Rachel never comes in our room, so
I won't have to wait thirty seconds"

For a second, it felt like he had put a knife in my heart and twisted
it. He had no idea what I had been through. He didn't know that I was no
longer going to date Rachel. For the past fifteen minutes, I had been so
focused on my brother's problems that I had forgotten about my own.

I leaned back and smiled. "Well," I laughed. "You never know, I might be on
my bed spanking my monkey. You wouldn't want to walk in and see me doing
that, would you?" Lonnie's eyes widened and Billy started giggling.

"I've already done that." Billy laughed. I got up and ruffled his hair.

"Like I haven't seen you choking your chicken a few times." Lonnie fell
back on the bed and roared with laughter. He sat up, saw Billy's red face,
and fell back laughing again.

I headed for the door. As I was ready to leave, I turned and looked at the
two young boys sitting on the bed. "Remember, knock twice, wait thirty
seconds." Billy smiled and nodded.

"I love you, Zac," he smiled.

"Ditto, Little Brother," I replied as I left the room.

* * * * * * * *

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