Date: Wed, 06 Sep 2006 06:07:32 +0000
From: X plicit <x_plicit33@hotmail.com>
Subject: Dream-Called-Reality 10

--lol Sooo its only been almost 3 years since the last chapter, but I
figured it deserved some sort of ending. So, same rules apply- if you don't
like gay erotica, move along-if you do, enjoy. And again, sorry folks lol-


   I remained in the hospital those couple days like the doctor ordered. My
mother and Nick showed up everyday to keep me company and see how I was
doing. Even Kial showed up once. The distraction from thinking about what
to do when I got out of the hospital was much needed.

   The first day back to school was definitely different. People gawked,
stared, and even snickered. It bothered me, but I just shrugged it off. I
had dealt with so much emotionally that I just couldn't let something else
drag me down. Surprisingly, both Andy and Mark weren't at school. Kial was
there for me, though. Thank god for friends.

   "It's getting...better." Kial commented on the face as we sat in our
normal seats at the cafeteria.

   "Don't bullshit me, Kial. I found it hard to even look at myself this
morning" I replied.

   "Don't be so hard on yourself," He laughed. "It's kind of like a
'badass' look"

   "Well, that has always been a goal of mine" I said smiling as I played
with the pizza I had bought for lunch.

   We ate in silence for awhile. I looked around the room from time to
time, noticing the people looking at me. There were some here and
there. Okay, there were tons here and there. It could have been my
face. Maybe everyone earlier was just gawking and snickering at how beat up
I look. It's a possibility.

   "It's not your face. It's definitely your new status, you homo you" Kial
said with a wink.

   "Huh? What are you talking about?" I asked, confused that he managed to
read my mind.

     Kial giggled a bit. "I saw the way you were looking around. I just
figured you were wondering what the looks were for"

   "You think everyone here is that closed-minded?" I asked curiously.

    He took a bite out of his meatball sandwich and nodded his head. I
lowered my head a bit and played with a pepperoni slice.

   "You ever gonna tell your mom? He asked.

     "Eventually" I replied.

     "Eventually, like when?"

     "Eventually like, when I feel like it. Fuck. Why?" I asked a little
frustrated.

   Kial backed off. "Sorry. Just wondering is all. Christ"

     "I'm sorry. I'm just...a little messed in the head right now. Too much
shit to deal with, you know?"

     "I guess," Kial replied. "So, um, you talk to Mark or Andy at all?"

     "Nah," I said, pushing the barely eaten slice of pizza to the
side. "But, I do seriously need to talk to them"

     "Oh..." He asked.

     "Yeah well, I kinda made a decision. I just need to talk to them both,
you know?"

     "Well, aren't you gonna tell me, dude?"

     "Nah man, I'd rather wait until I talk to them. Besides, I'm skipping
last period. My mom's picking me up for something, so I better get
going. I'll catch you later." I said, as I stood from my seat and heading
out of the cafeteria.

The stares continued on the way out. I just looked straight-ahead. It
wasn't worth it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   My mother picked me up at the front of the school exactly when she said
she would. I sat in the car and smiled at her. She caressed the top of my
head for a second before starting up the car again and heading away from
the school.

  I didn't bother asking where she was taking me. I didn't much care,
actually. I figured I'd find out sooner or later anyway. I just sat in the
car, fiddling with the radio stations until I found something good enough
to listen to.

  "Are you ever going to tell me what exactly happened that day in school,
Ricky hun?"  My mother asked gently without taking her eyes off the road.

  "What's to know, mom? I got beat up. That's all" I responded.

   "The question is why, though? There must have been a reason, Ricky" My
mom countered.

 She looked over at me this time. I didn't look back. Slowly, the car began
to pullover to the side. Yet confused, I continued to not look over. And
that's when it happened. The question above all questions.

   "Ricky, are you gay?"

  My eyes widened. My fingers sweat. I was shocked and scared at the same
time. I didn't know what to say. Do I tell her and get it over with? Do I
not tell her and not risk the reaction? She'd have to find out sooner or
later. Or does she? Fuck! There was too much to think about. I really can't
take this anymore. Everything is becoming a nightmare.  Mark and Andy,
school life becoming a bitch, and now having to my mother flat out ask me
if I was gay was just too much to handle. I freaked.

   "Fuck! Does it even fucking matter, mom? Does it!?" I yelled.

   My face began to burn. I could have almost felt it becoming red. I
covered the side of my face with my hand. She had hit me. Never before had
she done that. Not since I was a kid anyway. I could feel tears being
produced in my eyes, waiting to escape. I didn't quite tell her, but she
knew I was.

  I had read it many times in 'coming-out' websites. The number one rule
-'Never reveal yourself out of anger. It just makes it worse'. Yet, as much
as I told myself I wouldn't have. And as many times as I told myself I was
going to do it in such a way that my mother would have to still love me. I
messed up.

  I reached over to open my side of the door, but my mom had pushed the
auto-lock. I banged on the door pathetically, crying out in both disgust in
myself and regret. My mother grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into her
as hard as she probably could.  With one hand on my head, she pushed it
into her chest, laying her head on my shoulder as we cried out in the
middle of the road, not caring who or what may see us.

  I was free. I had finally told her. Though not exactly how I had planned
it, it was done.  I knew then that she had accepted me for who I was. It
was a great feeling. We remained in our position for at least five
minutes. Her shirt was now a nice shade of wet.

   "I'm sorry I hit you, baby. I honestly had no idea, I just, well...,"
She tried to continue, but I realized it was hard for her to. She didn't
know what to say. Hell, I didn't know either.

"No, no mom. It was my fault. I shouldn't have sworn at you. I'm sorry"

   "I'll forgive you, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me" she
said, as she gently smiled through her red, teary eyes.

   I nodded and reached my arms over to hug her again. At that moment, I
realized I'm one of the lucky ones.

We drove home in silence. But a good silence. I was accepted.

  My mother and I decided to just head home instead of traveling to
wherever she had thought of taking me. It still didn't matter to me
where. So I didn't ask.

  Things definitely seemed to be looking up for me. My mother now knows all
about me and that means no more hiding and faking, because frankly, I'm
sick and tired of living my life as a lie. I'm fucking tired of having to
pretend with everyone; parents and people at school. I'm tired of having to
live my life worried about what others might say about me. I'm sick of not
being happy. I mean, I was happy, but no one can really say they're
completely happy until they start being themselves in every aspect.

  The next couple days, I stayed to myself. I didn't answer any calls or go
anywhere with anyone. I spent my time with my mother. We talked about a lot
of stuff. Obviously the curious, confused questions had to be answered for
her since parents always seem to have questions about the whole topic. I
kind of enjoyed it, though. It was easier knowing she was alright with
everything.

  I decided to tell her everything. I told her about Andy and how I came to
know Mark and the whole damn thing. She had some great input on
everything. I listened, but I had my own opinions on things. And frankly,
what I think does mean more. But I totally respected what she had to
say. And honestly, a lot of what she had to say did make me think. Was I
going to make the best decision for myself? I really didn't know. But I did
know that Andy and Mark deserved an answer, and though someone may get
hurt, it had to be done.


   I decided to invite them both over for dinner. I made plans with my
mother to go out for the night to give me a chance to talk to them. I
didn't know exactly how to do this. I've never had to before. I really
didn't want to hurt anyone. I'd rather cry everyday of my life then see
someone I cared about cry once. Okay a little overdramatic, but you get the
idea.

   "Hey guys..," I said as we sat on the living room sofa, staring around
the room.

  No one really knew what to say. So I figured I'd explain everything,
considering they weren't completely aware of everything. I told Andy the
story about Mark, and told Mark all about Andy. Neither of them took it
quite lightly.

   "Why did you do it?," Andy asked. "What did I do wrong?"

   "Nothing, Andy. Nothing at all. I just...I dunno, its hard to explain" I
answered.

   "Oh? Well try, Ricky. Because frankly neither of us really deserved this
shit" Mark said.

   I went silent for a bit, searching for words. I didn't have too many. I
felt ashamed and disgusted with myself.

  "Guys, I...*sigh* I didn't think it was that bad, you know. I bet you
guys would have done the same thing in my position." I replied, finally.

  "How do you figure?" Andy replied back. "I loved you. I really fucking
loved you. I would never have played you. So I was totally right before at
school, huh? You really were losing it for me"

  "Did you even have anything to lose with me?" Mark asked.

  "No, I was never losing it for you Andy. And Mark, don't be dumb. I cared
for you a lot. You both mean a lot to me" I replied, nervously.

  "Do you realize how much of a whore you sound right now?" Mark asked.

  My eyes widened, yet my head went down. It usually happens that way; you
may feel bad about something you did, but people always have to make you
feel even worse. But, then I thought. I thought about all the times he was
an asshole to me. It all started coming back to me. It's not that I
forgot. But it wasn't like he was perfect himself.

  "Excuse me? Fuck you! A whore? Common, Mark. I know I did something wrong
and bad, but do you even remember how you treated me throughout the time we
were together. You were great to me when we were alone. As soon as one of
your retarded friends came along, boom! You became whole different person
and not one I would want to be around" I said in retaliation.

  Mark began to open his mouth, but quickly shut it. He didn't have a
defense. He knew he was just as wrong as I was. His face began to turn a
shade of red-possibly embarrassment or frustration. Either one, I don't
care. He deserved it.

  "But..," Andy began. "What did I do"

  For a second I thought I had something to say. But, as I tried finding it
in my head, I couldn't. Andy really hadn't done a thing. Fuck. What have I
done?

  "I'm sorry..." I said, looking in Andy's direction.

  He simply nodded his head and began to stare at the floor.

  "Alright, listen. I brought you here because I wanted to both tell you
about each other and tell you what I decided to do. I really do love and
care for you both. But, I can't choose either of you. Andy, you don't
deserve me. I'm not the kind of guy you need. You need someone who's going
to be as good to you as you are to them. You're an awesome guy and I'm
sorry for hurting you. As for Mark, I fucking always admired you at school.
And when you came out to me, I couldn't believe it. But, you're really an
asshole. And although I may have been a prick, I still don't think I
deserve you. And...yeah, that's all I had to say." I said.

  Again, silence. Nobody spoke. We must have sat in silence for a good five
minutes before anybody made another attempt at conversation. Andy broke the
silence.

  "*sigh* I hate what you did to me, but I'm going to forgive you. But, I
don't wanna be your friend anymore. Maybe later on in life I'll want you
back in my life, but not now.  But I will thank you for everything. It was
fun" Andy said.

  I was shocked. I mean, I knew he'd be hurt. But I didn't want to not be
his friend anymore. But I had to respect his decision. It was what he
wanted. Andy walked over to give me a hug and I accepted. He gave me one
gentle peck on the cheek and walked out of the house, flashing one last
smile with a tear in his eye. My eyes began to tear up themselves. I looked
over at Mark and saw him stand up too.

   "Basically Ricky, same deal goes for me. Sorry for the whole Johnny
thing and treated you harsh and stuff. But, I think it would be best if we
just didn't talk anymore either.  Besides, you might interfere with me and
Andy anyway" Mark said.

  "Huh? You and Andy?" I asked, confused.

   "Well, these past couple days we started talking and such. It's nothing
serious. I don't even think Andy knows I like him yet. But we'll see" He
said.

  "You going to treat him differently too when you guys aren't alone? You
know he doesn't deserve it" I said.

  "Nah. I'm going to change. I should start being myself. It's the way to
be. And if my friends don't like it, then I guess they just aren't great
friends" He replied.

   I didn't believe him. But I let it go. I stood up myself and reached
over to shake Mark's hand. He took it and then began towards the door. I
flashed a gentle little smile, but he didn't even look back. I leaned
against the glass door and watched as he walked away. A tear rolled down my
eye.


   The next few months went by roughly, but I couldn't completely
complain. My mom and I have a great relationship now, even better then
before. And she's great support when I'm feeling down. I hadn't seen Andy
since that day at my house. I respected his decisions to not see me
anymore. I hoped he may have passed by the house or something, but he
hasn't. He still talks to my brother from time to time, but I don't ask
Nick how he's doing or anything.

    School got better after learning to ignore people. Everyone did start
refraining from commented or snickering at me. I guess everything
eventually does get old and boring. I do see Mark sometimes around the
halls, but he looks the other direction. It doesn't bother me much. Kial
was a good friend when it came to having someone to talk to in school.

  "How you taking everything, Ricky?" Kial randomly asked one day at
school.

  "Not too bad. I've learned to deal with it, you know. I still get sad
sometimes, I dunno, ask me when I find a boyfriend" I replied with a gently
laugh.

  "I'll make a note of it" He responded with a smile.

 "Hey, have you seen Mark or Andy at all? I don't know what going on with
either of them"

  "Not really. I did see them making out about a month ago behind the
school, but that's all I know"

  "Oh," I began "I guess that's cool"

  "Aw c'mon, man. Cheer up. Hey, what's the difference between a blowjob
and anal sex?" He asked.

  "I dunno," I smiled gently. "What?"

   "A blowjob makes you whole day. Anal sex makes you whole weak"

  "You pervert," I laughed. "That was good, though."

  "Anything to help out a friend" He replied proudly.

  "Thanks Kial. I mean it"


The End


   It's been about 3 years, but I can finally say this story is done lol
Thanks to everyone who used to love this story off and sorry for the major
delay but life's a fucker sometimes. You can email me at
X_plicit33@hotmail.com with wutever u wanna tell me..good or bad.. later