Date: Sat, 30 Jun 2007 07:50:01 -0700 (PDT)
From: Kevin Carson <kc.drummerboy@yahoo.com>
Subject: Drummer Boys - Part 27

Drummer Boys
By Kevin Carson

This story is about my relationship with my friend and, well,
more-than-a-jack-off buddy.  Yes, it includes gay teen sex stuff.  It's
based on true experiences but some of the names and places have been
changed for privacy.  Hey, if this is illegal where you're at or if you're
too young to be reading this, then you better not.  Getting in trouble
isn't cool.  All rights reserved.  No reproductions permitted without prior
permission.

Thanks to everyone who has written to me.  I really appreciate your
comments/feedback and questions about this story.  My email is:
kc.drummerboy@yahoo.com.

Sincerely, Kevin.

Part 27.

All I could think about on the way home from the doctor's office was Mark.
I followed doctor's orders and got the prescription filled that he gave me
for the antibiotic.  I was lucky: I didn't see Arlo or Nora in Walgreens.
That was a good thing because I just didn't feel like talking to them, or
anyone, for that matter.  I know that's terrible to feel that way, about
two people very important to me, but at that moment I just wanted to be
left alone to figure things out.  Not that I was purposely avoiding them or
anything.  What I did want to do was see Mark, or at least talk to him.  I
bought a bottle of Aquafina and downed two of the pills like I was told.
I'm a good little patient.

I called Mark's cell but it went right to voice mail, so I guess he had it
turned off.  I hung up without leaving a message.  But before I put my
phone back in my pocket I called him again, and this time I did leave a
message.  I told him I loved him.  The mere thought of Mark having to go
into the hospital for surgery had me shook up... unglued... a mess.
'Worried' or 'upset' would be an understatement.  I was thinking about
Dr. Myers saying that tonsillectomies are "a little tricky with teens" and
"there's always the chance of bleeding."  What the fuck?

Then, I had to face the fact that, in all probability, Mark wouldn't be
going on the civil war trip to Ohio.  What a roller-coaster ride that whole
thing was.  Remember, I was bummed that I wasn't going in the first place,
that it was Mark and Townsend who were picked.  After I got through that
emotional, selfish mess, it's muddied again with Townsend more-than-likely
not going because of his brush with trouble.  So I rescued him from his
stupidity (the stealing) and now, this, Mark's eminent surgery.  I'm going
and Mark's not.  How fucked up is this??

After I swallowed the pills, I popped in a few cough drops too, just
because my throat felt more scratchy than painful.  I'd been fighting this
sore throat for a few weeks now, and thought about the fact that even
though Mark is so susceptible to getting strep, I was the one who passed it
on to him.  He wouldn't have gotten it if I weren't the one harboring the
germ.  Now I felt guilty.  I'm the one who caused this to happen.  How much
longer am I going to keep fucking up people's lives?  First Townsend, by
not trying to stop him from shoplifting, and now Mark getting really sick.

Maybe that's the reason Emily is messing with me.  Maybe she's my payback,
although she fucked with me before I ever did anything to anyone else.  And
she's just plain old mean.  Me??  I only make innocent mistakes, right?
Yeah.

When I got home, I realized that at some point I was going to have to tell
Dad I went to the doctor and why.  But I just wanted to have my story
straight.  Not that I was gonna lie or anything.  Neither Dad nor Keith
were home yet, so I went up to my room to lie down, and chewed on a few
more of those cough drops.  Mmm... wild cherry!  De-licious!

Thinking about another "delicious wild cherry," it was only a matter of
time before I knew I had to get off, so I unzipped my jeans, grabbed about
three kleenexes and reached down in my tighty-whities.  I pulled out my
bone and went at it like a madman.  I slipped out of my jeans and got down
on the floor on my knees, sitting back on my feet.  I spread my butt cheeks
apart, so I could feel my hole a little bit, too.  Nice!

I wished I'd thought to get my special drumstick out of the box in my
closet, but oh well.  I was gonna make this session a quick one.  I just
didn't know how quick!  I was close, but not there yet, when I heard the
garage door opener.  Dad was home!  I either had to stop or hurry it up.  I
chose the latter, and went from zero to sixty in two seconds.  Boom!  I
squirted a good four or five blasts all over my hand and stomach.  Just
like downtown!  "Damn!" I thought, and wiped up fast.

Even though I was a little out of breath, I ran downstairs to greet Dad
quickly, then went back up to my room to call Mark again.  Still no answer.
I called his house and spoke to his Mom.  She said he was sleeping, then
confirmed my worst fears: Yup, he definitely had strep, and was in fact
going to have a tonsillectomy, and... get this... Mark would have to miss
the rest of the school year.  Granted, there was only a week left, and it
was all bullshit stuff like handing in projects and finals, but still.  And
it was all but official, he would not be going on the civil war trip.  How
could he?  I almost wished I hadn't called.  Fuck!

First, the infection had to clear up, then he could have the surgery.
Mrs. Graham admitted to me that he should have had his tonsils out a long
time ago.  I almost asked if I could come over to see Mark, but I
hesitated.  Maybe if Keith went to see Lisa I could go along... that way if
he was too sick, or whatever, it wouldn't seem like I was desperate.  Hell,
I don't know... my brain wasn't working right, and I don't even know what I
was thinking.  I backed out of going to see him.

"Umm... Mrs. Graham, please tell Mark, umm... I said hello..."

"Alright, Kevin, and thanks for calling..."

"Oh, and uhh... does he need me to bring him anything?  It wouldn't be a
bother... I could stop over tomorrow after school, if he'd like... if
that'd be OK..."

"Thanks, but that won't be necessary.  His sister will take care of
anything he needs."

"Oh.  Right.  OK, then... I guess that's it.  Bye."

The next day was weird.  Band was more or less a free period, except for
the people playing in the commencement orchestra who were practicing.  We
no sooner got in the band room when Mr. Walters called me into the music
office.  This was it...

"Kevin, I'm sure you know about your buddy, Mark Graham, being out sick.  I
just got off the phone with his mother, and he won't be able to go on the
civil war trip...."

"Yes, sir, I know, sorta... I found out last night when I talked to her."

"Well, you're the man!  Looks like it will be you and Townsend going.  I'll
call your father and discuss the details with him.  Are you excited?"  He
asked, smiling.

"Well... yeah, I guess.  It's just, I hate it that the three of us can't
go..."

"Now, Kevin, we've been through all of this before, and I thought you
understood..."

"Oh, I do understand, I do.  But I feel so bad for Mark.  I mean I'm happy
to take his place and all, but it kinda sucks that he's so sick and has to
miss out.  He deserves to go."

I guess you know it was all pretty predictable, that with Mark needing the
tonsil surgery and all, that things would end up not the way they were
originally planned.  Word got around fast that Mark was out and I was in.
At lunch, everyone was talking about it and asking me about him.  Townsend
seemed more like his old self, laughing and being the life of the
conversation at the lunch table.

This one guy, Andy Grimes, who sometimes sits with us, and thinks he knows
Mark pretty well, he said he wondered what Mark was gonna do about having
sex while he's in the hospital.  Scott Kramer said you can't have sex when
you're in the hospital, at least you're not supposed to.  I should tell you
I almost spit out my Mountain Dew during all of this.  Andy said he "knew
for a fact" Mark was banging Amy Frey.  Ha!

"Isn't that right Carson?  You're tight with Graham.  He's fucking the
living shit out of her isn't he?"

"Uhhhh... I dunno... maybe..." I shrugged my shoulders, avoiding eye
contact with Andy.

"Yeah, sure you don't know... Graham tells you everything.  He's gotta be
banging her.  He's the horniest bastard on Long Island.  I guess he'll just
have to jerk off while he's in there... thinking about her.  Wouldn't that
be hilarious if some nurse caught him!!??  Maybe old Amy will have to give
him a blowjob... right there in his hospital bed.  It'll be easy wearing
those skimpy hospital gowns!"

"OK, you're taking us to a scary place, Andy.  Shut the fuck up about
Graham's sex life, already.  Amy's nice." Scott warned.

That gave me an idea!  Apparently Andy Grimes had thought quite a lot about
this!  Townsend glanced at me and we sorta laughed.  I knew why I was
laughing, and I think I knew why Townsend was laughing.  But we both were
laughing enough to blend in with everyone else.  Oh, if Andy only knew the
truth, that it was me who Mark's fucking, and yes, we ARE tight,
er... well, Mark says I am!!

"So... what guy our age ISN'T horny all the time?  I'm sure Graham beats
off at least every day like the rest of us." Townsend was on a roll.  "Come
on, Grimes... how many times a day do you jack off?  Come on... two??  Two
times??"  Andy just laughed and shook his head.  "Kramer?  You gotta do it
at least twice a day... probably three!"  Scott was laughing too.  In fact,
we all still were.  "You and Matt probably do it together.  Right?
Rim-shot...you probably jerk it here in school, don't you?!"

That made me blush a little.  I said, "No, but I thought about it!"
Everyone raised their eyebrows and said "Ooooohhhh!"

Joey Savitch, the red-haired kid, and super-nerd, was the only one not
laughing.  "This isn't funny, Miller.  Everybody doesn't do 'that'."

"What's up your ass, Savitch?  You saying you don't fuckin' jack off?"

"No!  That's disgusting!"

I thought I was going to witness a full-blown argument about jerking-off
habits.  Townsend was like, "So you never jerk off?  You never play with
yourself?  Is that what you're saying?"

"No, I don't." Savitch claimed.  I thought he was full of shit, but I
wasn't going to push it.

"Savitch... you're lying...  you're lying to me, right to my face... you're
lying!" Townsend was acting and talking like he was on 'The Sopranos'.

"Come on, let it go, Townie..." Scott insisted.

"I think only perverts do that." Joey said.

We all kinda looked at him.  "Umm, no, YOU'RE the pervert, Savitch!"
Townsend said as the bell rang.  I was glad Joey Savitch went another way
and we didn't have to deal with him and his 'holier-than-thou' attitude
anymore.  I told Townsend I was glad he was more himself and that it seemed
his life was getting back to normal.

"Yeah, Kev.  Things are coming around.  Thanks to you.  It's really too bad
Mark can't go on the trip, but I'm glad you can go.  We're gonna have a
blast, aren't we?"

"God, I hope so," I said.  "I was reading up on everything, like what all
we'll be doing, what we should take, and... not take.  I won't be able to
live without my cell phone."

"Did you see that part about the underwear?  They'll issue them to us as
part of our uniform," Townsend chuckled.  "I dunno dude, it's gonna feel
kinda weird having to use an outhouse and stuff.  I'm not used to roughing
it!"

"Guess we'll have to get used to it!" I added.

"Oh, and...uhh, I think the underwear's optional.  I think they're made out
of wool, since cotton was from the south and all, I don't think they had
much cotton fabric... so... wool underwear?  I don't know about
that... going commando is probably more like it!" We laughed as we walked
our separate ways.  After I was alone I felt sorta bad Mark wasn't there to
laugh with us.

The next couple of days seemed to fly by, and Mark actually was feeling a
little better each day.  It seemed the infection, as well as the pain, was
going away.  The medicines he was on, a combination of antibiotics,
decongestants and painkillers, seemed to be doing their job.  It was so
strange for him to not be at school.  But finally I was able to talk to him
on the phone and even went over to see him.  I'm not sure if his mom liked
it or not, but I went anyway.  I hated seeing him sick, and hated it even
more that I was the one who helped make him sick.

I stayed quite a while the night before the last day of school.  "Jeez,
tomorrow's the last day!  I'm so glad!"

"Yeah, and Friday morning I go to the hospital for the operation."

"Look, I'll be there waiting during the operation Friday, and I'll come
Saturday too, before we leave.  I promise."

"About that... you and Townsend on the trip... you two better not fool
around.  I don't wanna have to kick your ass if I find out you two messed
around."

"Nothing to worry about.  I'll behave, and I'll keep Townie in check, too."
I knew Mark was joking, but I almost got choked up.  Even though he was
obviously still whacked out on the meds, he gave me one of his famous
smiles.  He whispered, "I love you," and fell asleep.  And I leaned down
and kissed him on the forehead.  Since he wasn't covered up with a blanket
or anything, I couldn't resist giving his package a nice, firm squeeze,
too.  Another smile, even in his sleep!

Finally, it was Thursday!  I knew the last day of school was too good to be
true.  The good news is it was the last day of school!  The bad news is
that, in addition to being without Mark, I had my final confrontation with
Emily DeMarco.  I can look back on that day now, and say with absolute
certainty that what happened changed both Emily and me forever.

We only had a few classes in the morning, and school was to be dismissed at
noon.  Most people had already cleaned out their lockers and were checking
grades on final exams... stuff like that.  All the stupid stuff.  Everyone
was generally in a good mood, including me.  At noon, I had stopped in the
music office, just to check with Mr. Walters about any last-minute things
concerning the trip.  I looked for Keith near his locker, so I could be
sure to tell him I'd be out in a few minutes and I'd meet him at the car.
But I never saw him, so I just went to my locker one last time.  And as you
might expect, that stretch of hallway was once again deserted... not a
teacher or student anywhere in sight.  Except "her."  You know who I
mean... Emily.  There she was, lurking in the shadows.  Even with my back
turned I knew she was there.  I dunno, I guess I could feel her presence,
or hear her breathing... or... something.  Within seconds she went in for
the kill.

"Well, Kevin... do you miss your boyfriend?  Huh?  Are you feeling sorry
for yourself because your boyfriend's sick and isn't at school.  You poor
thing, what'll you do when he's in the hospital?"

"What??!!" I exclaimed, turning around fast on my heels.  "What did you
just say??"

"I asked if you miss you boyfriend Mark... everyone knows you two are an
item.  I have proof!"

"Proof my ass!  You don't know what the fuck you're talking about" I
exploded.

"Oh yeah??  How about a few months ago when you and Mark got caught behind
the library making out??"

"Wh-wh-what??"  I almost choked.  "H-h-how do you know about that?"

"Oh, believe me, I know.  What were you doing?  Hugging and kissing?"

"Jesus, Emily, you rotten bitch.  LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I screamed.

"I know everything, little Kevin!"

"You don't know SHIT!!" I was on the verge of tears and my heart was
pounding faster than ever, out of nervousness.

"Oh yes I do... I was there too, dropping off some books.  I saw the
police.  I saw you and Mark.  I know what was happening.  What were you
doing... sucking his thing??"

"Yeah, so what if I was?  It's none of your fucking business!  GET OUT OF
HERE!!!"

"Oh poor little Kevin!  Don't get upset!  You're not the first guy to get
caught kissing his boy lover, you poor little fag."

Calling me a little fag pushed me over the top.  That's when I really lost
it.  I was numb.  "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??  HUH??  WHAT THE FUCK'S YOUR
PROBLEM EMILY?  WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?  NOTHING!!  SO WHAT ABOUT MARK
AND ME?  WHY DO YOU GIVE A SHIT IF WE KISS, FUCK, SUCK, WHATEVER.  IT'S
MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER DO.  WHY ARE YOU JUST AFTER ME, HUH??  WHY DON'T YOU
EVER SAY ANYTHING TO HIM?  BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE WON'T TAKE ANY OF YOUR SHIT,
THAT'S WHY.  WHAT MARK AND I DO FOR EACH OTHER IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING
BUSINESS.  NOW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, YOU FUCK!  I'M NOT GONNA TAKE
THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT FROM YOU ANYMORE!!  LEAVE ME THE FUCK
ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!"

After I screamed at her I slammed my locker door, hard, and there was my
brother standing there.  I hadn't seen him until then, and I really had no
idea how long he'd been there, or how much he'd heard.  But he looked
pissed, and dropped his bookbag as he walked right up to Emily and got in
her face.

"You fucking asshole, you better leave my brother alone.  I swear if you
even breathe near him again it'll be the last breath you take.  He's right.
What'd he ever do to you?"

"Oh, big brother Keith has to stick up for little Kevin... What's the
matter Kevin?  Are you such a wuss you can't defend yourself?"

"SHUT UPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!"  Keith shouted, right in her face.  I think
some of his spit even landed on her hairy lip.  It looked like he was gonna
punch her.  He kept walking toward her, looking down on her face as she
backed up.  "This is the end of the road for you... you... fucking cunt.
When I get through with you you'll never show your fat ugly face around
this school again.  Now get lost, you fucking bitch!!"  I think Emily had
met her match.  She looked scared of Keith, and I would be too, he can be
so intmidating when he's pissed off.  "I SAID TAKE A HIKE!!!!!!!!!!"

She grabbed her stuff and disappeared fast.  "Whoa!" was about all I could
say.  "Th-th-thanks, Keith..."

"Oh stop crying and get your shit.  We gotta go."

We pretty much rode home without talking, at first.  I was worried about
what Keith heard going on with me and Emily.  "Keith are you mad at me?"

"Nope." He looked straight ahead.

"Thanks for sticking up for me."

"No problem." There was tension in his voice.

"Pull over.  We need to talk."

"Isn't that what I'm supposed to do, take your side?"

"You are pissed at me, aren't you?"

"I said no." He looked away from me.

"Keith, how long were you standing there, by my locker?  What did you
hear?"

"I heard enough, Kevin.  I heard enough."  His voice softened, and sort-of
nervously shook.  He was definitely upset.  I didn't have to ask him
anymore what all he heard.  I could tell he knew what I'd been hiding for
months.

"Look, I'm sorry if I'm not who you think I am... but Mark and me... it's
hard to understand..."

"Kevin, you're right... I don't understand... you need to talk to Dad."

"NO!  I can't talk to Dad about this..."

"Well, you're going to."

"Look, Keith.  I didn't mean to disappoint you.  This isn't the way I
wanted you to find out that I'm..."

"Gay??  Is that it, Kev??  Gay??  Come on, say it!!"

"Keith, it's not like I go around giving every guy I know a blowjob.  It's
not like that.  It's just, with Mark and me... it's so hard to
explain... you gotta understand... he means so much to me.  Our friendship
is just on a whole different plane... shit, even I don't understand it
completely.  I don't even know how it happened between him and me.  He's
the only one, Keith, I swear, he's the only one..."

"I am having a hard time understanding this one, Kevin, a really hard
time..."

"That isn't the way I wanted you to find out.  Please don't hate me Keith,
please, and please don't hate Mark."

"Kevin, you're my brother.  Nothing could make me hate you.  But this isn't
the way I wanted to find out something like this about you, you know.  I
mean, I wish you had just told me... like at home or something."

"I don't know if I ever was going to tell you.  It's just so complicated,
with Lisa and all... you're not going to say anything to her, are you?"

"Not yet.  I gotta let all of this sink in first.  But sooner or later you
and Mark have to talk about how you're going to handle all of this.  I
don't know how much good I did with Emily, and shutting her up.  The good
part is now that school's out she probably won't tell too many people.
Even at that I don't think she has many friends.  People are on to her,
except old Mr. Hartman."

"Oh, I think you scared her.  She's not gonna mess with you!"

Keith started to drive again.  "I had no idea she was still bothering you."

"She's been tormenting me quietly all along.  She'll like walk past me and
whisper stupid shit at me, like 'Everyone knows about you, Kevin.'  You
know, little shit like that.  But then she sneaks away.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Who's gonna believe me?  Hartman will turn it around and make it my fault.
I'm not gonna go through all of that bullshit again."

"You could have told me and I would have kicked he ass a long time ago."

"Yeah, right.  And run the risk that she was gonna talk shit about me?  I
don't think so."

"But in the end she did anyway."

"Do you think anyone else heard Emily and me arguing?  I mean... I sorta
lost it, and I think I was shouting a bit."

"A 'bit?'  You were shouting alright.  But no, no one heard.  The school
was deserted.  If anyone heard anything it was the custodian, and they hear
kids yelling all the time."

The one thing Keith never mentioned, which I guess means he didn't hear,
was the part about Mark and me getting caught by the police.  If he didn't
bring it up I wasn't going to, either.  I agree with him... he heard
enough.  We were almost home and I asked him one more time if he was mad at
me.

"Kevin.  I love you, you're my little brother.  That'll never change.  Am I
happy that you're gay?  No, not really, not right now.  It's gonna take
some getting used to, I guess.  I wish I'd found out differently, but I
didn't.  This is what it is.  And I'll stick up for you anytime, no matter
what it is.  But you are going to talk to Dad."

"OK."  I had no choice but to agree.  "But, Keith, there's just one more
thing.  I'm not ashamed about the way I feel about Mark.  I didn't want to
involve you in this, not this way, at least, but I'm not ashamed.  Since
I'm out to you now, I want you to know that, no matter what."

Luckily, Dad wasn't home yet.  Keith and I didn't talk anymore, not then.
I went to my room, too keyed up to do anything.  I wanted to call Mark and
tell him about all of this, but I didn't have the nerve.  I didn't want to
tell him the day before he goes in the hospital, on top of me being gone a
whole week.  I decided to wait... indefinitely.

Dad yelled up to us when he got home, and we never actually had dinner that
night.  We were all just kinda on our own, as far as food went.  I waited
until Dad was relaxing in the family room, and got up my nerve to talk to
him.  Still, I was a nervous wreck.  Except I had no idea what I was going
to say.  In the back of my mind I knew this day was going to happen sooner
or later.  But you're never really prepared.

"Umm... hey, Dad.  Got a minute?

"Yeah, big guy, what's up?"

"Dad, I need to talk to you about something."

"OK... sounds serious..."

"Dad, come on..."

"Do you want to sit down?"

"Look, I'll get right to the point.  Dad... there's a good chance
I'm... I'm pretty sure I'm... Dad, I'm in love.  Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Wow, I thought we were going to talk about the trip..."

"Dad!  I'm serious."

"Well, Kev, We're leaving for Ohio in two days, and you hit me with this?
That's a pretty big statement, to say you're in love.  You're sure about
this, huh?"

"Dad, I mean it, but I don't want you to think I'm dumb..."

"Kevin, I don't think you're dumb at all.  It's just that, you know, being
in love is major, and you need to be sure.  And you're not quite an
adult..."

"I know Dad, but there's different kinds of love, right?"

"Kevin, I'm not going to pry, but, yes, you're right, there are different
kinds of love, for different people, and loving someone and being 'in love'
aren't always the same.  My point is, it's something you need to be really
sure about."

"OK."

"Love through the eyes of a teenager can be a lot different that from the
perspective of someone... more mature."

"Dad, I think I am mature."

"Yes, I'll agree.  Maybe a better word is experienced."

"Yeah, 'experienced.'  I'm not much good there, that's for sure."

"Son, what brought all of this on, so suddenly?  Did something happen?  Are
you sure it's not just a crush on someone?"

"No, Dad, it's not sudden.  I think I've felt this way for a long
time... months."

"Hmm, I see..."

"Dad, it's not a typical situation."  I could tell Dad wanted more
information, but that he wasn't going to push me.  He's an excellent
critical analyst, and has a way of getting someone to talk.  Except I was
experienced in his tactics, so I chose my words carefully, too.

"Does the person know how you feel?"

"Yeah."

"And do they feel the same way?"

"Yeah."

Dad shook his head and was pensive, his hand up to his chin.  "I just don't
want you to get hurt, son."

I was fighting back tears, and so many thoughts were going through my mind.
Part of me felt like, if I had to have this conversation, I wanted Mark
there with me, so we could proudly say it together.  Another part of me was
saying this is such dangerous territory... telling a parent you're gay.
How would they react?  But I had a feeling Dad knew, because he was gentle
but firm and serious, his usual style.  He was respectful of me.  And as
far as Dad's feelings towards gays... well, he never said much either way.
Dad's fair, and liberal and forward thinking, and he knows what's going on
in the world around him.  I know he's not gay, but as the conversation
progressed and I reflected on other things Dad shared his opinions about, I
was getting the feeling he would be accepting.

I also was beginning to feel a tremendous weight being lifted off my
shoulders, yet still felt the pressure to act the part of what I'm not, the
part most people expect.  Not the part of who I really am.  I was all mixed
up.

"Hurt, Dad?  Hurt?  The hurt doesn't come from the person I love, it's from
others."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No, I just mean others in general.  And it's the not-knowing how they'll
react that gets me.  I wish I could just forget the rest of the world
sometimes."

"Well, Kevin, I don't disagree with you at all.  And you can tell me more
when you're ready, as much as you want or need to... when you're ready, OK?
But I will tell you this.  When you know you're in love, when you really,
really know... you'll just... know..."

I got up and hugged him, and he hugged me back, really comforting.  I'm
sure Dad figured it all out, and maybe he had, even before tonight, but the
door was open for me to feel comfortable to talk to him more if I needed
to.  And I'm sure I will.

I smiled through my tears.  "I know, Dad... believe me, I know..."

(To be continued...)