Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2008 13:15:45 -0700 (PDT)
From: don mumford <thinat20@yahoo.com>
Subject: DYLAN'S DILEMMA     PART 13

		      DYLAN'S DILEMMA ....PART 13

			       Chapter One


Sunday morning laying in bed...  it's seven o'clock and I can't seem to go
back to sleep. Willie left a little before midnight... I think I can still
smell him on the sheets.  He fucked me in my bed so nice last night it's
left me with a squirmy, warm feeling in my hole and since it happened seven
hours ago, that's impressive.  My ass feels so excellent it makes me wonder
if I'd ever feel this sexually satisfied if I were a straight boy?  I can't
imagine I would, of course I'll never find out because I'm not
straight. You can't pretend you're gay, and then pretend you're not.  You
also can't pretend you're in love and then try to pretend you're not, when
you are.  I'm in love and I'm gay.  I don't want to pretend I'm not, but I
do have a problem with the "being in love" part... the thing is, I just
might be "double" in love, or close to it. In love with Willie for sure,
and maybe getting ready to be in love with Robbie too.  He's certainly
lovable... his personality, his looks, his everything... all of him is
lovable.  I haven't noticed any kind of mean streak or moodiness in
Robbie. It's more like, "yes Dylan"... "is this OK Dylan?"... "I love you
Dylan". What to do with that?  Do you say... sorry, I'm busy being in love
with someone else. No one could ignore Robbie telling you he loves you... I
can't anyway. And, I also can't hurt him, or Willie by dumping either of
them.  I also can't see myself being a two-faced, two-timing selfish
bastard stringing Robbie or Willie along just for sex.  NO!, I won't do
that so I got myself a serious problem here, it's a fucking dilemma is what
it is... and I haven't a clue how to resolve it.

The thing is, I'm weak.  I say I don't want to be a two-faced two-timing
bastard, but at the same time I'm saying I can't envision giving either of
them up, and that's a contradiction right there. Robbie is very new to gay
boy sex, but that's part of the magic of him, part of what's so special
about him.  I've more or less lusted after him for the past year which
covers months before I even acknowledged to myself that I was gay... in
those days I wanted us to be good friends.  Then discovering I'm gay, and
discovering five months later that Robbie is too, and to find out he has a
crush on me... well, come on!  Who's tough enough to blow that off?  Not
me, that's for damn sure.  His smell, his looks, his touch, his
taste... all wonderfully sexy.  And he says he's in love with me. I'm not
really in love with him I don't think... not yet anyway. Not in love the
same way I am with Willie.  Of course, I wasn't in love with Willie right
off either, it took months.  I did like Willie from the first time I met
him though and the same is true for Robbie. Robbie and Willie both were
full of compliments for me right from the start too, and they also both
told me they were in love with me early in our relationship. It's a weird
but flattering coincidence although I don't know if Willie really was in
love with me back then or not... maybe he was in love with the idea of
being in love with someone, and I was handy. Maybe the same can be said of
Robbie too because it's awful soon for him to know if he's in love with me,
although...hell, I'm pretty much a novice about love myself so I can't
really be sure about any of this. I'm pretty sure I fell in love with
Willie some time after he fell for me, quite a while after
actually... maybe it happened for me in Sea Isle City. I don't really know,
but I do know I feel about Willie differently then I've ever felt about any
other boy. I love Chubby as a person more than I love anyone else "as a
person", but there isn't the deep sexual intimacy between Chubby and me,
and that does appear to be a necessary ingredient for us to be "in love"
with each other. And, unfortunately for me it don't look like Chubby and I
are ever going to have that kind of intimate sexual relation.  Hell, I
don't even think Chubby's gay, not completely like I am anyway. We do have
the deepest brotherly love ever in the history of modern man though, so
we'll always have that going for us.

No, Chubby isn't clouding the picture... he isn't adding to my
dilemma. It's Willie or Robbie that's the dilemma, and neither of them are
even aware I have a dilemma. Willie doesn't know anything about Robbie of
course. On the other hand, Robbie knows I have a boyfriend named Willie
because I told him I do.  Even though he's never met Willie Robbie's
mentioned that he's jealous of my relationship with him.  He says he's
jealous and yet he doesn't even know the true nature of our
relationship... he doesn't know that Willie and I are in love... he thinks
were just random boyfriends. Jeez, Robbie is so innocent when it comes to
love, even more innocent than I was five or six months ago. He's such a
sweet kid though, he says he likes to do stuff for me, actually be
submissive to me. He "wants" to be submissive to me... that's what he said
anyway.  Willie obviously is the opposite, he insist on being dominant, but
his "dominant" behavior consist mostly of using the word "pussy" instead of
"ass" and insisting we have the same haircut, or other silly things like
that. Oh yeah, and having his arm around my waist when we're walking
together is another thing he does.  He does it so everyone will know I'm
his boyfriend... or maybe so everyone will know he's mine. Who knows
exactly, I'm not sure Willie even knows. So OK, he's got a few issues, who
doesn't? It's mostly a lot of nonsense, but it can be fun some times
too... you know, the way he's so serious about the nuttiest stuff, that's
fun and funny at times.  Plus, on the serious side, Willie is very smart
and he's done more things in his life than anyone else I know... he's not
just some cute, funny kid. Although, well yeah there is the cute factor, I
mean he is cute! and he has a hot slim body too.  He's an athlete, a good
dancer and he has a hot convertible car and he buys me expensive
gifts... ha ha ha.  What's not to love. But I'm being silly, it's "all" the
obvious things about Willie, plus that intangible quality about him, maybe
some subconscious thing in my brain that made me fall in love with him.  I
can't articulate it, it's just there.  I love being with him and I don't
mind overlooking a lot of little negatives because he has a lot of
positives to off-set them.  I'm in love with him and that's all there is to
it. Strangely, it's almost like I had nothing to do with it either...  it
just happened.  OK, so that's the story... now, what the hell am I going to
do about it, about my dilemma, I mean. How do I keep both Robbie and
Willie? No, that's not even the dilemma.  My actual dilemma has to be who
do I say goodbye to, not how do I keep both of them.

Thinking about these things while laying in my bed was confusing and
tiring, and so I eventually fell asleep.  The next thing I was aware of was
the sun shining brightly in my eyes and Chubby rubbing his hand back
through my flattop saying, "Awww, ain't he cute!" and when I opened one eye
and smiled at him, he goes, "Get in late again last night, did ya? You're
turning into a real tomcat."  I groggily mumble, "What the hell does that
mean?" Chub goes, "Come on sleeping beauty we need to make Sunday
breakfast" and he gets one arm under my neck and the other under my legs to
pick me up and drag me off the bed.  I put both my arms around his neck and
hugged his head against mine saying, "I love you Chubby". He dropped me
then and I slid off the side of the bed as he stage whispers, "God damnit
Dylan, your Mom's right on the other side of that door!". Oh man, Chubby
and his paranoia!  I say, "Kiss me bro" and he gets angry for a second,
then laughingly helps me off the floor and actually kissed my cheek saying,
"You happy now, ya homo?"  He smelled so warm, so yummy, I say, "Oh dude,
kiss me on the lips, not my cheek!".  He was back to "Shhhh, damn you! Come
on, get dressed".  I love Chubby. He leaned on my bathroom's door jam to
watch me brush my teeth, take my pee, wash my face, and then finally we're
both back in my bedroom and I pulled on some wrinkled cargo shorts and
Chubby tossed me a sleeveless T shirt that I pulled over my head.  Stepping
into some sandals I was ready to face the world... maybe just a tiny bit
hungover. "Look at these guns on me, Dude" I challenge him as I made fists
in the air, showing off both my biceps. Chubby makes one with his right arm
and I was surprised to see his muscle definition.  I go, "Dude! How'd ya
get so toned?" He laughed again and said, "washing windows is not a job for
weaklings" and then we went to fix breakfast. This morning it was waffles
with real maple syrup, Jimmy Dean breakfast sausages, and honeydew melon.
I walked the three blocks to Dunkin Donuts for the coffees while Chubby put
the sausage in a frying pan, got out the waffle iron, and gathered up the
stuff for whipping up the waffle batter.

During breakfast the Moms flipped a coin to see who was going out with
Chubby and me for our first behind-the-wheel, live drivers- training
action.  Tris lost the coin flip so she's first, and then Chubby and I
flipped a coin to see who drives first and Chubby of course won so he'd try
his hand at driving first. I'd be in the backseat with my fingers crossed
hoping he does real good.  I'd also have a seatbelt tight around me with my
feet against the back of the front seat in case he doesn't do real good. To
be honest, I was a little bit nervous that the time was finally here to
drive a real car on actual roads. After the breakfast dishes were cleaned
up, Tris, Chubby, and me got in the old Volvo station wagon which is a
helluva car to learn to drive in, but it's all we have. Tris drives us to
the empty parking lot of a huge office complex in downtown Framingham and
backed the Volvo in against the curb in front of the building.  I looked
out the back window at the wide lawn running up behind us wondering if the
commercial guys from Dickers Landscaping & Design were responsible for the
beautiful golf-course look of it. Nothing in the parking lot except us,
lots of light fixture poles, and two other cars with student drivers slowly
milling around way down the other end. Those two cars had driven past us as
Tris was backing into our parking spot... both of the student drivers in
those cars were girls who looked about sixteen and who we didn't know,
thank God! Chubby and I will be eighteen in a couple of weeks and to be
seen in a parking lot with our mothers teaching us to drive at this age is
humiliating, to put it nicely.  Tris changed places with Chubby who, behind
the wheel now, was adjusting the seat up as close to the pedals and
steering wheel as he could get it. Tris says, "That's too close Chubby,
you're not that short"... he said he felt more comfortable that way.  It
looked awkward to me from my perch in the back seat. I was nervous for
Chubby because I could sense he was nervous too. Chubby hates to look
foolish and he can get flustered with new challenges in the early going.

When Chubby was settled more or less, Tris, in excruciating details
explained what every gage, button and hole on the dashboard and steering
column were for and how each worked. Then, done with that she says, "OK,
Chubby... before you start the car show me your learners permit".  By the
look on Chubby's cute face, which I could see in the rearview mirror, I
knew he'd forgotten to bring it. He goes, "It's in my wallet, Mom.  We're
cool."  She says, "Show me your wallet, Honey, and we'll get going".  He
goes, "Heh heh, Oh... my wallet. Funny thing, it's on the kitchen counter.
Heh heh... no biggie, I'll get it next time."  Big lecture from Tris
follows... she emphasized that we need to always have the learners permit
on our person while driving just like we'll need to always have our license
with us, if we ever get one.  She says, "Switch places Chub, I'll drive
home so you can get it off the counter" then she turns around and says to
me, "I'll bet you have yours, don't you Dylan" and I pulled it out of my
pocket and showed her that I did.  Chubby mumbled, "brown noser" and
started to get out of the car to change places when Tris holds up his
wallet. "I got it for you this time scatter brain, but you remember it next
time... OK?"  Chubby smiles and said something about he knew she had it all
along.

"Start her up, Chubby". I had begun to relax slightly when I saw Tris had
the license for Chubby, but I tensed up again as soon as Chubby turned the
key because the engine started right up, but he kept pressure on the key
causing a distressing noise from the engine. Tris stayed calm and said,
"Let up on the key Chubby, the engine started right up when you turned it.
You only need to turn it once and release it."  I could see color start to
form at the back of Chubby's neck and I know he was getting upset and
embarrassed about looking foolish. I crossed my fingers again hoping for
the best. Then, to save face a little, he looked in the rear view mirror at
me and crossed his eyes.  Tris says, "I saw that Chubby, concentrate on
your driving and not on Dylan!"  He nods his head and smirks at me in the
mirror again, but I know he was pissed that his Mom was correcting him in
front of me.  "Ease it into gear and lightly touch the gas" is Tris'
instructions and Chubby pulls down on the gear shift and steps lightly on
the gas and we hear the motor humming along nicely, but we're not
moving. "That's neutral, Chub... you want the "D", put it in drive" Tris
says quietly. I then knew it wasn't going to go well, the bright red color
spread from Chubby's neck to his ears as he pulls on the gear shift again
and stumps on the gas petal in frustration.  The car shoots backward up
over the curb onto the beautiful office park's lawn with Tris screaming,
"Take you foot off the gas petal, honey!". Chubby slams on the break
causing the heavy station wagon to go skidding backward on the grass. When
we stopped Chubby accidentally pulls the windshield wipers lever, and with
the windshield wipers on high speed, highly agitated himself now, Chubby
pulled down on the gear shift and hits the gas doing a jackrabbit start off
the grass... big tuffs of lawn flew up behind the car.  I was laying on the
back seat biting my index finger trying as hard as I know how not to laugh
but the sounds were slipping out as I tried doing pretend coughs to cover
up.  I don't know whos face was redder, mine or Chubby's.  Tris was like,
"Calm down, Chubby!  God Damnit, calm down!"  I'm making mewing sounds with
my face against the seat.  Chubby's yelling, "I hear you back there,
Dylan. You just wait."  It wasn't a good start for our driving lessons, but
things got a little better once Chubby drove us at two miles per hour
around to the back of the building... it was as far away from the carnage
on the front lawn as we could get.  After an agonizing hour it was my turn
and I had a few mishaps, but I'd learned to avoid the things Chubby did
wrong, so driving second was a blessing. After me, Chubby did another half
hour, and then my turn again, and then Tris said, "Oh, thank God my shift
is over. Dylan's Mom has you this afternoon, guys... lets get some lunch
back at the condo. I'll drive".

The afternoon went much better, but afterward Chubby and I were stressed
out, and so where the Moms.  No one felt like cooking so we ordered out for
dinner, Dominos pizza.  Chubby and me were in the basement on the recliner
watching the Red Sox after dinner, Chubby up against my side like old
times.  I felt so close to him. We've done everything together our whole
lives... learning to drive was just the most recent thing.  I put my arm
around his neck and hugged him and Chubby didn't stiffen up at all, just
molded into my side.  I'd do anything in the world for Chubby and I never
wanted to hurt his feelings, but remembering the beginning of our driving
lesson made me all of a sudden burst out a laugh.  Chubby goes, "You prick,
you better not be laughing at my driving" and he started laughing too, but
to save face he also got me in a surprise headlock. We wrestled on the
double recliner a bit until we both had a hold on the other and it turned
into the sweetest hug we've had together since sleeping in that same double
bed in Wildwood.  I though about Willie and me hugging each other as we
slow danced at the block party and I wanted so badly to do that with
Chubby... swaying to the music with out faces side by side.  I said into
the side of Chubby's head, "I love you Chubby" and he mumbled, "Me too,
bro" and we hugged a little longer until Chubby said, "OK, homo... time to
get real" and we broke apart with me saying, "You're the homo, you started
it".  Chubby smiled and said, "We're both homos, Dylan, you know that as
well as I do".  He said it in such a pleasant, matter-of-fact way I didn't
know how to take it.  I wanted so badly to tell him I'm gay, but I was
afraid.  Yes, afraid.  Not afraid we wouldn't still be friends for ever,
but afraid we'd be a different kind of friends after I said it, like maybe
the fact that I'm gay would change things. We'd be friends, but with an
asterisk next to our friendship or something.  Taking a chance Chubby might
be gay was too big a chance to take when our perfect friendship might hang
in the balance.  I couldn't make myself say the words.

Chubby went upstairs to his condo after the game and for a while I
concentrated on the smell of him on the arm I'd had behind his head.  I
inhaled his aroma, I love the way he smells... a smell I've smelled all my
life. Why can't I tell him I'm gay?  Then I decided I had plenty of reasons
why I couldn't.  Anyway, I already have this major dilemma of Robbie or
Willie.  As soon as I thought "Robbie", I thought about tomorrow morning
and our plan to make out for a few minutes each morning... we rationalized
that it was a good way to get our day started on the right foot.  To do our
make-out in secrecy we'd been going way back to the old run-down locker
section that no ones used in years. Oh yeah, I could almost taste Robbie
just thinking about our first kiss. Playing with myself while laying on the
recliner felt real good... I eyed the half bath, but forced myself to
abstain.  I'm no pervert jerking off every two minutes.  Once in bed
however with just my boxer shorts on I had second thoughts about that.  I
was speculating how it would feel for Chubby and me to be dancing together
wrapped in each others arms, and then after that I thought about Robbie and
me making out, and then what about Chubby and me making out... oh my God!
My boner was too hard to ignore so I stroked it while thinking about the
reality of Willie and me making out and in a short while I clenched my
teeth together, curled my toes up tight, humped my crotch up off the bed
and shot a big stream of cum on the clean section of the sheet.  Damn!  Now
I had to roll over to the crusty part of the sheet were my climax from the
other night had splattered and dried. Hey, as it turns out, it's not too
bad sleeping under cum-dried sheets... very homey. After the climax I went
to sleep easily because student driving is a bitch and I was all tuckered
out.

Didn't see Chubby Monday morning because he still leaves early trying to
impress Ricky.  The Monday morning bus rides are the gloomiest of the
week... no one likes Monday mornings very much. I smoked a cigarette
walking from the bus stop to the Dickers Landscaping offices and garages
and just before walking through the door I popped a stick of Doublemint gum
in my mouth to cover my cigarette breath.  Said good morning to Mr Dickers
and Toby who were having coffee together in the lobby talking about
something that had them both laughing... maybe they were writing Joel's
work evaluation.  If Mr Dickers hadn't been there I would have been groped
by Toby for certain, but that's OK... I've grown to like Toby. The first
line of lockers in the workers locker room are for the foreman and Joel was
there with a fresh haircut looking scary as usual.  He looked up as I tried
to sneak by him, crooked his finger for me to come over to him, and when I
was standing up straight in front of him saying "Good morning, Joel", he
goes, "We're definitely on for this Saturday.  I almost had to postpone it
again, but I managed to work around a problem" then he looked at my hair
with a frown on his face.  I tried to stand taller, coughed nervously, and
looked down. Pinching hairs in the front of my head, Joel snarled, "These
have got to go, I already told you that, dummy!... no body hair either.
You got it?" I didn't want any confrontation so I just said, "Yes, Joel."
He apparently was in a mean mood this morning because he tugged on those
hairs so hard tears ran down my cheeks and at least six or eight hairs were
pulled out of my head to drift down to the floor and that really fucking
hurt!  I didn't complain though.  He mocked me by mimicking the way I had
said, "Yes Joel" then, in his own voice he said, "You really need a strong
hand on that bubble butt ass of yours.  This weekend is something you
desperately need, you'll agree it's been good for you even before it's
over."  He had his tongue poking out the side of his cheek as he said, "You
ever give head?  I'll bet you have!"  and he grabbed my jaw and moving it
back and forth said, "Don't worry too much about Saturday night, but just
so ya know... you'll hate it" and he laughed a mean spirited short
laugh. He took hold of my lower lip with his thumb and index finger and
pulled it out, away from my teeth. Then he ran his little finger against my
lower gum saying, "I'm betting by Sunday afternoon you'll have forgotten
all the nasty stuff from Saturday night and be concentrating on pleasing
me... and enjoying yourself too."  Letting go of my lip he laughed that
phony laugh of his, then mumbled, "You don't have a clue, do ya?  I can't
wait! Get out of here now!"  There was some kind of a sour taste in my
mouth from Joel rubbing my gum with his little finger... gross!

Hurrying away, feeling humiliated again, I decided I had to get out of the
overnight thing with Joel.  An idea!  I'll confide in Willie and see if he
can get me out of it.  It felt good to have a plan even though I had no
idea how Willie could help me, especially since he'll be in Maine with
those nut case dominant assholes, Larry and Carl this weekend.  My plan
made no sense really, I just had this crazy idea that Willie will know what
to do.  I felt that way because he's known what to do in the past about
things and I just expect he'll have an answer for this.  Anyway, I don't
know who else to turn to. Walking away from Joel, the next guys a little
further down the locker room are the college guys and as soon as they saw
me one of them yelled, "Stop! Bobbsey Twins require a morning inspection!"
This is one of their routines. They tease Robbie and me that we're the
Bobbsey Twins and sometimes they'll do this mock inspection. The pretend
inspections started when Robbie and I got the same haircut and then a
couple weeks later I got that absurd military flattop that the college kids
hated.  Clayton says, "Hmmm. Ok good, you stayed away from all barber shops
as instructed.  Same baby face, check... same skinny body, check. Let's
smell your breath" so I did a long exhale right in his face and Clayton
goes, "Ah ha!  You've been chewing gum again. Take it out and put it on
your nose... no gum chewing."  I put the wad of gum on my nose and was then
allowed to pass.  They're good guys and I heard one say to some others,
"they're good kids" meaning Robbie and me, so the feeling is mutual.  Hey,
maybe I'll get the college guys to kill Joel... hmmmm.

Changing at my locker before going down to Robbie's I thought about all the
reasons I did NOT want to confide in Robbie about the Joel problem.  Number
one reason is that no matter what the solution might be it will eventually
be tremendously disruptive to the Dickers organization.  To have this
pervert-nutcase Joel forcing an underage kid to spend the night with
him... with those cock rings and banded balls or whatever it was Joel had
said is in store for me... well, that news gets out and gets blown up even
worse then it already is and then the newspapers and radio/TV guys are
saying "what kind of a company would have such an employee"... blab blab
blab.... and the customers are saying "we can't have these people on our
property" blab blab blab. It's the kind of sensational thing that could
take on a life of it's own.  On the other hand, if I tell Joel directly to
fuck-off he's going to snap out and I could end up seriously hurt or dead.
That doesn't reflect too well on the company either as police will want to
know how a boy got so beat-up. I've already tried discussing this with Joel
logically but he rejects what I say out of hand... won't even consider that
I don't "want it", whatever "it" exactly is.  I mean, I know he's going to
fuck me, that goes without saying, but the other stuff... what's that all
about.  The discipline stuff he says I need, or whatever the hell he's
talking about.  The Dickers have been too nice to Chubby and me for me to
allow their company to get blown-up with a scandal, one that Joel would
claims I brought on myself.  And, what would my Mom think?Plus, me being
gay complicates it even more.  I feel totally helpless and of course the
underlying thing is I need the money from this job.  I still owe more money
for the rest of this year's auto insurance.  I'm fucked, except I'm betting
Willie will come up with a solution of some kind.

I'd almost convinced myself I'm not going to need to spend a night with
Joel so my step was lighter as I skipped down to Robbie's locker... hell, I
was excited about just seeing Robbie's cute face and that oh-so-hot taut
body with that fabulous ass of his...  the ass I love to grab a fistful of,
and then fuck.  Damn, I'm getting another boner. I tossed my gum into a
wastebasket, then tried to make myself smile for Robbie.  He heard my
footsteps and met me as I turned into his aisle. "Hi Dylan, how'd your
student driving go?" I told him Chubby and me were ready for the NASCAR
circuit and then I ran my fingers through that silky light blond hair of
his and said, "Missed ya, dude".  Robbie was all over me with hugs and
kisses... I go, "Dude! Let's be cool about this.  Off to the bat-cave or
we'll get caught here for sure"... he smiled, took my hand and we walked
back to the old locker section like a couple of gay boys, which actually,
we are. I told him to just stand still and he did what he was told just
like a good cub scout, and I got my arms around his neck and kissed him the
way Willie and I kiss.  Robbie's arms immediately wrapped around my waist
hugging me into him tightly... the boy is strong, his tongue was very
active, our lips made smacking sounds as we swapped spit. The spit was
spreading as we rubbed our noses together and it got real sloppy from our
licking too.  Before I could think straight it turned into a significantly
longer period of making-out then the two or three minutes we allocated for
it... both our cocks were very hard.  Robbie's cock being short tended to
point straight out from his groin, while mine usually pointed up.  I liked
bouncing against his spike and as I worked my arms down from around his
neck to grab those fistfuls of ass I mentioned earlier, Robbie began to
pant in my face, warm moist, fresh smelling exhales...  like an overheated
puppy dog.  He was hotly aroused to say the least.  I got my hand inside
the back of his shorts, under his jockey underwear and massaged his bare
buttocks as Robbie kept humping into my crotch, right on the shaft of my
boner.  Felt awful good.  My index finger was running up and down Robbie's
ass crack slipping over his hole which was becoming slightly sweaty.  When
the pad of my finger was damp enough I poked it up his hole to the first
joint, then slowly inside to the second joint... then I began finger
fucking his hole with short one-and-a-half inch thrusts, making sure to rub
right over his prostate. Robbie started making these odd squeaky sounds and
saying "Oh Dylan..." quietly, in between the squeaks.  I finger fucked him
like that for only a minute or so until he went up on his toes, humped hard
into my crotch, then held his groin right against mine blowing lots of air
in my face. I knew what was happening, and sure enough his sphincter ring
closed tightly on my finger as he spurted cum into his pants while making
high pitched noises, our foreheads touching... his sphincter muscle
tightened with each of the ejaculations of creaming teen cum he shot off in
his pants.  Felt weird having his hole close so tightly on my skinny finger
but hell, it's actually closed completely most of the time.

Robbie collapsed against me after cuming, he was going "Ooooooh...Ahhh..."
his face was hot, my finger still up his hole doing little wiggles to
scratch his itch... my other hand was rubbing up the back of his head
gently as he now rested his forehead on my shoulder.  Lots of breathing in
between the "Ooooh and Ahhh" sounds and then, "Oh my god, Dylan... when I
don't think it's possible to feel anything better, you do something
amazingly better. That was such a surprise and felt so good I can't even
describe it... soooo gooood, Dylan."  Of course, I'd just done to Robbie
what Willie's done to me a few times and now I knew pretty much how good
Willie felt when he did it to me.  I didn't want to detract from Robbie's
feel-good moment by mentioning Willie's name so I didn't tell him it was
Willie and his cohorts who taught me that way of getting a boy to cum in
his pants. It was a nice thing knowing how much pleasure Robbie had just
felt from me finger fucking him though.  He was clinging to me, and you
know what... it made me feel like I had a kind of power over him.  It made
me feel good too, like I was helping him the same way guys, particularly
Willie, had helped me along in my early gay days.  God, his hair is so
special to run my fingers through, and there's always that Robbie smell to
enjoy.  So nice! The only problem was I couldn't see how I was going to get
myself to cum this morning.  I didn't feel comfortable wacking off in a
locker room lavatory stall like Robbie did last week, but as it turned out
Robbie calmed down, and then so did my dick so I got past the point were I
felt I had to cum and we walked back up to Robbie's locker with my balls
still loaded with cum... that feels good too.

By now Robbie was so relaxed he was joking about the cum in his pants being
wet, cold, and feeling yucky. At his locker he dropped his shorts and his
underwear and stood there with his pecker and balls hanging out while he
fished in his locker saying, "I know I have some almost clean underwear in
here somewhere, and some old shorts to wear after work too".  His penis was
shriveled up some after the climax and looking at it I figured it couldn't
be more then three inches long... the short dick made his normal size nuts
look bigger than they were.  He might have the smallest cock I've ever seen
on a teenager and yet he appeared totally unconcerned as he made no move to
hurry getting underwear on.  I stared at his dick remembering how it tasted
when I sucked on it in the truck last Wednesday.  Hell, I wanting to suck
on it right now... at least suck off the cum still drooling on it from his
climax.  We heard some noise up front though and Robbie quickly slipped on
underpants and then the Dicker's Landscaping shorts and T shirt outfit that
we work in. Walking outside with our luke warm coffees I realized we'd
missed the massages this morning. Jeez, getting Robbie to blow a load in
his pants was so hot though I could even forfeit the massages without too
much regret! Taking a sip of my coffee I smelled the shitty odor on my
finger and went back in to wash it, thinking... everyone's shit must smell
the same.

The work day went as it normally does, no surprises. I thought about Robbie
quite a bit and every time I looked up there he was across the lawn or at
the pick-up truck, always busy doing something useful... it made me realize
what a hard worker he was. Robbie was a conscientious kid, at school, at
work, and at play.  I had this odd feeling thinking about him choosing me
to "be in love with", it was all so wicked sweet and it made me feel proud.
I'm proud he chose me, surprised too because I'm the unworthy one, not
Robbie.  As I said, I've always liked Robbie and my emotions are ratcheting
up day by day.  God almighty, is he cute!  When I wasn't thinking about
Robbie I thought about tonight after work when Chubby and I would be picked
up at the condos by our "real" driving instructor.  An older woman with a
reputation for being a hard grader and a bit nasty about the whole
thing... you know, like she hates being a driver instructor, but she's out
of options to do anything else.  It's a bad break being assigned to her.
And after thinking about that, I'd think about my date coming up with
Willie Tuesday night, and how important that can be. Of course I'm
referring to my hope he can come up with a solution to my "Joel
problem". When I thought of Willie, I usually wound-up thinking about me
cheating on him and then I'd get depressed because I still have no idea
what to do about that situation... Willie or Robbie.  They're both so
different but yet I can't conceive of telling either one that I won't be
seeing them anymore.  Fucking dilemma alright.


                        DYLAN'S DILEMMA ...PART 13

                                  Chapter Two

I ran home from the bus-stop after work so I'd have time to take a quick
shower before the Driver's Education instructor arrived to pick Chubby and
me up.  "You need to be punctual!" is the warning at the top of our drivers
training schedule. Outside after my shower and there was Chubby.  He was
sitting on the steps smoking, his buzzed hair still damp from his shower.
Looking around at me, he says, "You go first this time, Dylan.  I went
first yesterday".  I say, "Well, good evening to you too, dude.  You won a
coin flip to go first yesterday, remember.  You didn't volunteer to go
first, you wanted to go first." "I don't care, you go first" and he stood
up then as a red Ford Fairlane with a big sign on top reading "STUDENT
DRIVER" was pulling over at the curb in front of our steps.  Chubby says,
"This might be for us" and I mumble, "Ya think?"  then I asked, "You have
your driver's permit, right?" and without saying a word he runs up the
steps and goes inside his condo, the door slamming behind him. The red Ford
stops and a large person inside begins rustling through a stack of papers
on a clipboard.  I'm slowly approaching the car, not sure if I should wait
for the instructor to call me, or what. The door opens causing an initial
surprise for me because at first I thought the person in the car was a
stout man with iron gray hair cut short, and I'd been expecting a cranky
lady instructor.  I quickly realized it wasn't a man, unless he was in drag
that is.  The person was surely a woman wearing a very loose-fitting brown
dress which I believe is called a moo moo.  Her nose was large and red,
many spidery red veins webbed her manly cheek bones.  She was wearing large
blue plastic framed eyeglasses perched on her large red nose in front of
her tiny dark eyes... she appeared angry about something, her mouth turned
down at the ends, a frown on her pie pan face, her big head slowly shaking
back and forth. That big head had quite a few chins at the bottom that
jiggled as her head moved, it was all precariously supported by a thin neck
that led to wide shoulders as part of a very big body.  Only ankles and
wrists were visible and they were hairy looking and very manly.  Yikes!

I stared silently at her until she slowly looked up from reading the papers
in her hand to scowl at me.  I looked away and did a pretend hiccup. Her
wide, turned-down mouth was used to ask me, "Are you Newman or Romero?"  I
said, "Newman" and she said, "Where's Romero?" I turned to look back just
as Chubby, waving his drivers permit, jumped down the last three steps and
said, "I'm here, er, ah... ma'am?"  His gender confusion at first glance of
our instructor up-close almost made me laugh, but I turned it into a fake
sneeze which caused the instructor to stare hard at me.  I looked down at
my hand which I noticed was holding my learners permit so I then held it up
for her to see and she copied some information off it... then did the same
from Chubby's.  That done, she spoke in her gravelly voice... "Both of you
nitwits get in the front seat.  My name is Ms Oberbite and that's the only
name I want you to use when referring to me.  First off, listen up!  I'll
explain everything on the dashboard and steering column.  I expect to only
need to do this once."  She looked at me and said, "You... go around and
get in the passenger's side".  I scurried around the back of the car, on
the way I noticed her car was decorated with two bumper stickers.  One
said, "WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, ALL I WANTED WAS A NICE BMW! NOW, I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THE "W" and the other... "I'M SO OLD THAT WHENEVER I EAT OUT, THEY
ASK ME FOR MONEY UP FRONT". Somehow I didn't think these were her bumper
stickers... she doesn't seem the laugh riot type.

We spent a tedious fifteen minutes going over what Tris had already gone
over yesterday and then it was, "You" pointing at me again, "get in the
back" and with the same blunt index finger she pointed in Chubby's face
saying, "You'll drive first".  I thought... so much for Chubby wanting me
to go first.  Chubby squirmed in the drivers seat as Ms Oberbite says,
"You're very short so adjust the seat way up and always, for the rest of
your life, do the same seat adjustment whenever you're driving.  Then,
always adjust the mirrors too... so someone of your diminutive height can
see out of them."  I was in the backseat with my fingers crossed again.  By
now Chubby's ears were almost as red as the instructor's nose.  "OK,
everybody lock your door and put on your seat belt... you, shorty, don't
lock the passenger's door, and don't touch anything else until I tell you
to! Wait till I get around to the passenger seat."  As she walked around
the front of the car I said, "Be cool, Chubby. You'll do great!"  He
mumbled, "That fat fucken' hermaphrodite, sucks! "  I was doing deep
breathing trying not to laugh as I digested Chubby's evaluation of our
driver training instructor.  It got near the hysterically funny stage
watching from the back seat as Chubby pretended to be ultra interested in
what Ms Oberbite was saying.  It was even funnier because we'd already
heard this stuff before from Tris so Chubby was as bored as I was but he
pretended otherwise.  What a riot. With saliva at the corners of her mouth
she ended her canned speech about safety, took a deep, exaggerated breath,
and then gave Chubby a verbal spot quiz about street signs and speed
limits. Chubby and I had been asking each other questions from the drivers
manual ever since we got back from Wildwood so we knew the correct
answers. Knowing correct answers got Chubby only a snorting "Humph" from Ms
Oberbite.  Eventually she gave the go ahead and Chubby, biting his bottom
lip in concentration, pulled slowly away from the curb.  We spent a tense
two hours driving, in the dark the last forty-five minutes, but Chubby and
I did OK. Yesterday's six hours with our Moms helped us more then we
thought it had at the time. We basically knew how to drive after those six
hours, but we needed experience to gain confidence. The state requires at
least twelve hours on the road with a driving instructor and twelve hours
with an adult licensed driver so we had a ways to go, but we sure as hell
were on our way... finally.

Most of Ms Oberbite's lectures involved observations of other drivers
rather than criticism of our driving.  She did implore Chubby to at least
drive somewhere near the speed limit... he wasn't speeding, but rather the
opposite, he was crawling along so slowly that many cars backed up behind
us.  I had to bite my hand to keep from guffawing at the idea of Chubby
going too slow because I know that as soon as Ms Oberbite is out of the
picture he'll be speeding all over town, laying rubber with jack-rabbit
starts and flashing the finger at slower drivers who get in his way.  For
now he's epitomizing the term "brown noser" with our instructor to help
insure he passes the course.  His tight facial expression indicating that
he was concentrating on what he was doing. While Chubby always tries to do
the very best at whatever it is that he's doing, I could tell he was
putting on an act for Ms Oberbite.  That had me chuckling inside and when
Ms Oberbite went apoplectic from spotting a teenaged girl speeding down the
highway with a cell phone scrunched between her shoulder and ear, while she
was putting on lipstick using the rear view mirror, we both almost "lost
it' and laughed out loud.  Oh my God was Ms Oberbite screaming through the
closed window at the girl, who was oblivious to it all.  I stared at a big
vein in Ms Oberbite's throat as it protruded and pulsed the harder she
yelled and thrusted her arms about, spit flying out between her fat
lips. Both Chubby and me were having trouble maintaining serious facial
expressions through her rantings and ravings...  I was barking out coughs
to keep from laughing and Chubby was blowing air out his nose in snorts.
Ms Oberbite was not amused and screamed that Chubby should pull over
immediately and when we were at a stop she lectured us on "silly behavior"
while driving... apparently she didn't care for it.

At the end of a long couple of hours, I finally drove us back to our condo
where Ms Oberbite wrote some information on a form and Chubby and me signed
it.  She ushered us out of the car, and without a " bye bye" or a "ta-ta
for now" she was off.  Ms Oberbite is not big on social graces or even
offering encouraging comments to her students. Chubby and I rolled our eyes
as we watched her turn the corner, then we high fived each other and slowly
went up the step to the condos.  We were hungry and tired, it had been a
tense evening with that woman scowling at us every minute.  Inside my place
Chubby and I did a fist bump and told each other we did great, then after a
quick hug, he says, "She sucks, but I don't give a damn... I only care
about getting that license.  God! The things we need to do to get it, huh
Dylan?"  I sarcastically say, "Oh, it's been a piece of cake every step of
the way so far."  We both shook our heads a little and then got busy fixing
our late dinner...  Kraft mac and cheese which we ate along with big fat
hotdogs covered in mustard and onions.  Lots of orange kool-aid too.  We
were so full after all that we went down to watch the end of the Red Sox
game and both fell asleep laying against each other.  Chubby woke me up at
midnight mumbling, "Jesus, look at the time!... learning to drive is
exhausting". Then, as we walked upstairs together and were passing my
bedroom, I said, "How bout just crashing with me right here for tonight
Chubby?"  He moans "Dylaaaaaan, you know we're not doing that anymore" and
I groan out, "Why not?" and Chubby goes, "I'm too tired to argue with you
tonight, we agreed not to do it, OK?" Then a quick hug goodnight and he
went up to his place. After that I felt real lonely in bed for some
reason... dumb, I've got two boyfriends, why should I be lonely?

Next morning the bus was late and I fretted because it meant my time with
Robbie before work was being cut short.  As soon as I got inside the
building, I saw Joel going into the lavatory and it reminded me that it was
this Saturday that I was suppose to spend the night with him and that
reminded me that I need to try to get Willie's help tonight to somehow
prevent that from happening. Again I admitted to myself that I had no idea
how Willie could help, but I wanted to at least tell him about Joel.
Surely Willie wouldn't want Joel doing to me whatever it is he's going to
do.  Willie will know. After changing into work clothes, I hurried back to
get as much of my good-morning, eye-opening make-out with Robbie that time
allowed. All the way back I'm thinking how cool this is... each morning
tasting Robbie's mouth and bumping boners with him and, all kinds of hot
struff like that.  He sure beamed when he saw me, "I was worried you
weren't coming to work today" is what Robbie said in that super sincere
manner of his.  He reached out his hand and squeezed my arm as if to make
sure I was really there. Damn, this is something awesomely new for
me... you know, being so special to someone. I'd thought Willie made me
feel special, but with Robbie there was definitely a different feel, it
seemed more genuine, without pretension... or something like that.  He's so
innocent, so naive about his apparent infatuation with me, or is it simply
a late bout of puppy love. I honestly don't know, but Robbie sure is
investing a lot of himself in our relationship so far and I feel the
significance of it, the responsibility of it too.  I sure wish one of us
knew what we were doing though.

I mumbled that my bus was late and nodded my head toward the way-back
locker section.  Robbie made a face like. "let's go!" I didn't finger fuck
him this morning and he didn't cum in his pants, but we both got our boners
and we both had red faces covered with spit when we headed back to his
locker and our luke warm coffees that we'd left sitting on the bench.  The
bell sounded for work so we drank the coffees in the back of the pick-up
truck exchanging glances and smirks that had at least one of the Hispanic
guys frowning as he tried to figure out what was going on. That might have
bothered me a couple of months ago, but now I figured it's his problem if
he don't like the way Robbie and me were acting, not mine. The work day was
pleasant enough with an unseasonably nice eighty degrees temperature and
easy lawns to work with.  The tough lawns on the side of hills came up on
Thursday this week and I dreaded those things, but today was nice and I
enjoyed working outside, with Robbie always in the vicinity so I could
catch a look at that fantastically cute face from time to time. After work,
Robbie and I had a little extra time for our make-out and at one point
Robbie slid his lips away from my mouth to muttered, "I think I'm going to
cum... wait, please..." and a minute later he chuckled and mumbled, "False
alarm" and we went back to kissing. It's a delicious way of enjoying each
other with our clothes on... convenient at work, ya know? When we had all
the make-out we dared, and we'd walked out of the locker room, there were
Mr and Mrs Dickers waiting.  "What the hell took so long, Rob?" asked his
dad and Robbie goes, "We were checking out the old locker section just for
the hell of it, and that place needs work".  His parents exchanged confused
looks, then Mrs Dickers said, "We're going to convert that space into
individual showers for the guys to use after work, what do ya think of
that?"  I waved goodbye and started walking toward my bus-stop hearing
Robbie, in the distance say, "Yeah, good idea as long as you're not
thinking of doing it this summer".  I laughed out loud and thought, how did
Robbie get to mean so much to me so quickly?  Every day I spend in his
company makes it harder for me to deal with this dilemma of Robbie or
Willie. Just a week ago, it was Willie who I simply couldn't give up, but
now... well, I just don't know.

It's a damn good thing it was a pleasant day today because Willie was
meeting me at the bus stop after work and on a normally hot day I'd be all
sweaty. He's taking me to that barbershop where he first got all his
beautiful hair cut into the nineteen-fifties-style flattop and I don't
imagine the barber would appreciate me dripping with sweat.  No problem
today though, I'm cool as a cucumber.  It was certainly a very unique
choice of haircut for Willie to get back then for our first real date, and
now, all this time later I'm getting my hair cut like that again.  I must
to it in case Willie can't get me out of spending that night with Joel.
Joel insist on short hair on my head and no body hair other then that at
all... I wonder if that's a fetish or if it's some kind of dominance rule,
or what.  My life would be so much better without Joel in it. Willie was
indeed waiting for me right at the bus stop, sitting in his convertible,
both him and his car looking so cool. His hair was growing in nicely and I
wished I could let mine continue doing the same, but life ain't always
fair.  I walked over to his car slowly, allowing the bus to get around the
corner before I got in the passenger seat.  Naturally Willie kissed me on
the lips with a juicy one and I followed-up with one of my own because he
gets me so hot it's silly.  The kisses are the reason I made sure the bus
was out of sight. I'm getting to know Willie and I just knew he'd do the
kiss right out in the open like that.  After our hello kiss, and after he
tells me I'm a sexy looking "worker bee", and after he ruffles my hair, he
says... "You sure about this haircut, Dylan?" and I grudgingly say, "I
don't really want it, but I better get it to be safe. Come on Willie, the
barbershop might close before we get there." Willie peels-out leaving
rubber and laughingly says, "Yes sir!  We're on our way" and I added, "Oh
dude, thanks... man! I'll tell you about the whole situation right after
the haircut".  We made it to the barbershop before closing and I hopped
right up into the empty chair.  An ancient barber grumbled, "Flattop son?"
and I quietly said, "Yes, half inch in front." The old guy wrapped the cape
around me saying, "I'm the barber, son... don't tell me how to cut a
flattop. Alright?"  In my head I replied, "Fuck you!  Eat a shit sandwich
and die you old fart" but I said to him, "Yes, sir" and he took ten minutes
to reduce my hair to almost nothing.  Hell, my hair is light blond so it
almost looks like I have no hair at all when it's this short.  I thought
sarcastically, Joel will be so proud of me.

Willie made a fuss about how short it was and told me that this was the
last of the short haircuts either of us were getting until at least next
summer. We talked about us letting our hair grow into that over-the-ear
style that was so popular in the seventies.  I said, "Why can't we have a
current hairstyle?" and Willie goes, "Can you try to last one lousy hour
without whining about something I mention, Dylan?" After that I quietly
pouting the rest of the ride to Willie's house.  We were going to eat
dinner at Willie's, then we planned to fuck, then go to the movies and see
"The Dark Knight". Pouting is boring and I needed Willie's help anyway, so
as we drove up his driveway I said, "Sorry for being a contrarian, Willie.
I just hated getting this haircut." Willie gave me half a smile and asked,
"Well, why'd ya get it then?  You know I didn't want you to, but as usual,
I gave in and let you get it anyway".  I ignored his assumption that it was
necessary for me to get his OK, and said, "Joel insisted on it" and of
course Willie says, "Who the fuck's Joel?"  As we walked from the garage to
Willie's huge house, his arm around my waist, I began at the beginning and
told Willie about Joel. My description of the Joel problem continued during
dinner without Willie interrupting except for occasional comments like, "no
way!" or "you let him get away with what? and other unhelpful remarks like
that. After dinner, in Willie's bedroom, he said, "Let me think about this
for a minute, Dylan. You can get undressed in the meantime, babe."  I
looked in the big mirror over his chest-of-drawers and gawked at my
haircut... it looked almost exactly like the military barber's version of a
flattop. As I mentioned earlier, this all started months ago when Willie
got his first flattop thinking it would please me. Back then he wanted to
please me, now it seems I'm always trying to please him. He doesn't think
that's so, but that's really the way it is.

Willie flopped on his bed fully clothed as I undressed. He got himself in a
half sitting position with his back against a couple of pillows at the top
of the bed. Shortly I was standing there naked, looking at Willie as he
appeared to be racking his brain, biting his lower lip, and drumming his
fingers on his thigh.  It got so quiet in his room my ears seemed to echo
the lack of sound.  I was sure Willie would come up with a solution, he
knew so many people and had so much money... you know, maybe he could pay
some thug to straighten Joel out and get him to leave me alone.  After a
few minutes Willie crooked his finger for me to come over to the bed.  When
I did he patted it which I figured meant I should sit on the edge...  I
hopped up on that high, huge bed of his, and sat there with my feet
dangling off the floor until Willie reached over and pulled me sideways so
the side of my head was laying in his lap, looking up at Willie's face with
hope in my heart, hope that he'd found a solution. He held my head loosely
and said, "Ahh, this is weird, Dylan... a bit awkward actually". I thought
to myself, "so is this position I'm laying in on your lap", but I didn't
mention that.  I just listened as he said, "You know I'm going to Maine
this weekend, and when I get there Larry's going to give my ass a good
spanking because of this haircut I got and I got the damn haircut for your
benefit you'll recall, you know, to demonstrate that I didn't think I was
too good for you and all that kind of thing. Put you at ease, etc."  Once
again I had a thought I kept to myself... the thought was, "No, I don't
recall that Willie because it never happened that way", but I remained
silent. Willie was still going on, "........, if I survive the spanking"
and he chuckled here to show, I guess, that he was kidding.  I stared
blankly at him wondering what this had to do with my Joel situation, but
again I stayed silent.  Willie, trying to keep it light, chuckled again and
then said, " After surviving my punishment, then Larry and I will have the
greatest time with some very hot sex, and not only sex either, along the
way we'll have some laughs and a great ole' time with the boats and all
that stuff they've got to entertain themselves with up there at their place
on the ocean. Through it all, I'll play the submissive role to Larry and
have a blast doing it too." His voice was unusually monotone for Willie, I
wasn't paying too close attention to details about his Maine trip, but I
was getting a crick in my neck from my odd position, half on and half off
the bed.

Neck crick and all, the longer he went on the more I was loosing confidence
that Willie had thought of a solution for my "Joel problem"... he doesn't
ramble on like this normally. He's usually decisive and to the point. I
continued staring back at him with my hopes fading as he goes on, "Ya know
Dylan, sooner or later you and I would need to... ah, let's say, establish
a more structured relationship like the one Larry and I have.  We've been
slowly inching our way towards one; for example, you now know I'm in
charge.  You don't care for the word, but none-the-less, you are the
submissive one in our relationship. So, ya know...I'm dominant and your
submissive, big deal, right? And, let's be honest here, you're liking it
that way more and more... I can see that you do. What I'm getting at is
maybe this jackass, Joel, can actually do us both a favor and accelerate
the process.  He can teach you to respect the authority figure in a
relationship, in our case, that's me. You need to be more submissive in our
gay sexual relationship and like I already mentioned, you're liking being
submissive to me more and more anyway, so come on and admit it to yourself
at least. And when you can get totally into that frame of mind, we can even
take it further, past just the sexual part and into everyday life. It
almost always follows that once one is submissive in the sexual part of a
relationship, it's natural to continue the trend and be submissive in
regular daily routine things.  You're more or less doing that now, but you
still have your stubborn moments."  It was simply getting too uncomfortable
for me being half on the bed and half off it so I squirmed my legs up with
the rest of me and that pulled my head off Willie's stomach.  I lay on my
belly, up on my elbows looking at him, now without much hope he had
anything helpful to say.  Most of what he'd said thus far I'd already
disregarded as "Larry-speak-nonsense".

He laughed in a slightly annoyed way at my squirming and then added,
"Comfy, are ya? heh heh.  Everything I'm trying to explain to you is true,
but let's be honest, you're not exactly the most cooperative gay partner to
this point, are you? I've stuck with you though, haven't I?  I'm sticking
with you, Dylan.  Hell, I love you, ya know.  Now, if this clod at work,
this Joel person, knows what he's doing, and I think he just might... well
then, he'll do most of, shall we say, the educating for me and I can simply
fine tune it to make it apply to our personal situation."  I think my
silent staring at him was finally making Willie nervous because he cleared
his throat twice, before continuing, "I can carry on with your training
during weekends that you'll spend with me here throughout the school year."
Willie chuckled again, maybe because I hadn't contradicted anything he said
so far and he assumed I agreed with all of it, or maybe he laughed to cover
up nervousness. It's a wrong assumption that I agree with everything he
said... I didn't agree with hardly any of it. To be honest, his
dissertation is so totally off the wall it was hard to take seriously and
it's difficult to know where to begin contradicting him. During our dates
together I'd heard snippets of this nonsensical philosophy so it wasn't all
a surprise, but the message I primarily cared about at the moment was the
one I was receiving loud and clear and it's that Willie wasn't going to
help me get out of this thing with Joel. All the other babble was parroting
Larry and the gay Prep school clique's misguided ideas about gay
relationships.  I don't even think Willie believed half of it.  We're
seventeen year old gay kids who don't, basically, know shit.  An important
difference between me and those Prep school kids is that I'm aware that I
don't know shit.

When I remained silent, he looked at me with a real cute grin and said,
with a bit of condescension in his voice, "So, what I'm saying baby is
you'll need to go on that overnight stay.  I have to agree with that guy,
it'll be good for you and after a little rough gay discipline you'll
appreciate our sex better.  Once you're into your role more, the sex is
hotter, that's what I mean... that's what it's all about really. Oh, come
on, don't look at me like that!  It'll work out great for us, but mostly
you'll be the one benefiting. You're a perfect submissive boyfriend and I
just want the best for you... and you'll appreciate me more too.  Even
though I'm younger then you, you'll be looking at me the way you and I look
up to our men, Carl and Larry. That'll be hot, won't it? You're perfect for
the submissive role, Dylan, absolutely perfect.  And frankly, I can't
believe how lucky we are that this joker is doing us this favor. He doesn't
know you're already someone's "boy", does he?"  Willie stopped talking when
I made a facial expression as if I'd just smelled something offensive, he
says, "Well, you're not my "boy" per se, but, you know... it's sort of like
that. You want to be my boy, don't ya?  You can even be my year round
boyfriend maybe, instead of just my summer boyfriend." Willie appeared to
be running out of words and he wasn't getting much of a feed-back from me
so he made a face that perhaps he thought was a stern one, perhaps
indicating how serious this was. He just looked cute to me and I wanted to
smile but I didn't because it's all so crazy.  I'm disappointed about
everything Willie had to say, especially about him wanting me to go with
Joel instead of helping me get out of it. As for him being younger then me,
he was... about two weeks younger.  I felt myself getting pissed-off about
the whole thing.

Even though, like I've said, I'm aware of the crazy ideas this bunch of gay
kids had established at their Prep school, I was still shocked at the
extent poor Willie had been brainwashed with it all.  He actually was
taking a lot of this fantasy to heart.  I didn't want to think he believes
most of the things he's said these last few minutes, but maybe I need to.
It simply doesn't seem possible the two of us could have spent so much time
together and yet have such totally different impressions of what we're all
about.  I looked at him like he was a stranger... "summer" boyfriend?  Is
that what he said? Jeez, that's sad. What I think Willie is... I think he's
a combination of a misguided gay kid influenced in an unfortunate way by
his screwed-up peers, but also he's basically a sweet gay boy who spouts
the submissive/dominant lines he's learned even thought he doesn't really
understand or agree with them.  Also, he's a kid who rarely can pull off
any serious dominant behavior anyway, and who furthermore really likes the
fact he and I are boyfriends with or without the dominant aspect of it
all... that's who I think he really is. The question is, does he understand
who he is?  All that dominant crap doesn't seem to be a big part of
Willie's true make-up as far as I can tell, he's just trying to please the
guys at Prep, particularly Larry.  Willie has consistently made whatever
accommodations are necessary in that so called dominant routine to enable
him and me to remain in love.

All that being said, the fact remains that Willie's detailed explanation of
why I should go with Joel this weekend is way over the top... it's even too
much for me to rationalize away. Sitting up on his bed naked, Indian style
now, with my legs crossed in front of me, I said, "Let me see if I have
this straight... you want me to get beat-up and fucked and maybe castrated
by this idiot Joel so I'll be more submissive to you. Do I have that
right?"  Willie took one last shot at being stern and snapped, "Don't get
all dramatic on me Dylan. Castration is very rare and it isn't always gays
that do that anyway, but why am I even talking about this?  Obviously you
don't want my advise and so you'll do what the hell you want... go with him
or don't go with him, you always do what you want anyway.  Jesus, you asked
me for my advise and I take the time to break it down for you...  I give it
to you in detail, and then you act like a spoiled brat who didn't get the
answer he wanted to hear."  I snapped back, "I didn't ask for your advise,
Willie, I asked for your help... help to get me out of this scary unknown
thing with a bully who's mostly a total dark stranger to me. And what do
you do?  You gloat about my predicament, pontificating all that bullshit
that a tiny group of gay students at your Prep school have decided is
proper behavior in gay relationships. It boils-down to you endorsing Joel's
idea that I need to be punished to learn my place in gay society, or
whatever the fuck it is you were talking about with all that gibberish
about role playing, and me being submissive to you the way you are to Larry
and blab, blab, blab." Now I wasn't pouting, I was pissed.

Willie's facial expression froze for a second, his eyes got big and he
chewed nervously on his thumb nail.  It was as if he was processing new
data in that brain of his and deciding the best way to handle this latest
development.  When he spoke again it was as if he were a totally different
person, now contrite and full of apologies. "You're right, Dylan, I see
that now.  Let me try to explain what happened just now... ah, let's see, I
wanted to help you get out of that, but I couldn't think of how I could, so
instead I guess I convinced myself it would be a good thing for you to do
that weekend.  I was looking at the glass half full, you know... ah, trying
to make a positive out of it. I sometimes forget that you're not me, I
forget that just because I think it's awesome to role play a submissive
persona to Larry, that doesn't mean you'd think it was hot to do the same
for me. Just because it's a lot of fun for me doesn't mean you have the
"stuff" to be able to appreciate the experience, and I mean no offense to
you by saying that... no offense at all. We're all different. I feel like
such an ass for misunderstanding, I'm really sorry."  He seemed about to
shed a tear as he held his arms out for me to share a hug with him. It was
weird, the compassion and understanding he was now showing was more like
the Willie I knew and loved, but the change had happened so quickly.  He
was now acting humble and self deprecating, not like earlier when he was an
over-bearing bore like his roommate, Larry is. This latest change in
Willie's mood was amazing, a complete hundred and eighty degree change of
attitude, but it is the Willie persona I've come to know best, the other
one from five minutes ago was a stranger to me. Which one is the real
Willie though?... certainly not both, right?

Able to relaxed with this new attitude of Willie's I nodded my head to show
him I understood that he was admitting he was wrong and that everything was
OK for the moment.  I bounced over on top of his bed and we did an awkward
hug with me mumbling, "Oh, OK... thanks Willie, I was worried there for a
couple of minutes.  I knew you weren't like that, or rather, you've never
been like that before, hardly ever anyway."  Willie, trying for an even
more casual manner, with a cute grin, mumbled, "I was trying to be someone
I'm not.  I can't be that way with you."  He was saying the right things,
but there was still a sharp edge there that worried me. I'm sure he is
still put out that I wouldn't go along with his sub/dom "game" or whatever
it is.  That was a lot of talking he did back there and to just sweep it
all under the rug with a quick change of heart is hard to believe, but it's
certainly a step in the right direction at least. Willie was rubbing up the
back of my head during our short hug as he said, "Hey, I've got a new
nickname for you babe, it's sandpaper" and he chuckled, trying to keep
everything light and cheerful, adding, "The back of your head feels like
sandpaper, that's why."  I reached up and felt it and said, "I hate this
haircut, I'd actually rather have one of those Prep school long seventies
hair styles like you said ours would be if we let it grow in long enough."
Willie laughed and told me I'd be wicked cute with that kind of haircut and
that he hoped I really would try it, then added, "Hey, I'm teasing you
about the sandpaper nickname and please don't be mad at me for my earlier
suggestions ... I was all wrong.  I'd do anything for you, Dylan, you know
that. Give me a kiss."  We made out for a while and it felt "real", not
forced.  It was an awful abrupt turn-around, but I wanted to believe it was
real because he gets me hot with his make-outs, he always has. Shortly
Willie, still fully dressed and me still fully naked, whispered, "Can I
suck that great looking cock of yours, baby?"  as he said that he was
massaging my buttocks and doing little bites on my shoulder that made me
shudder as chills ran through my body. I thought I might like getting my
cock sucked so I said, "Sure!" and soon Willie was giving me the best blow
job of my life and all the negative thoughts in my head disappeared to be
replaced by a most erotic feelings in my groin. Carl blew me a couple of
times and the Marine too, but Willie was the best by far. He had me
thrusting my crotch forward and making grunting sounds and then spewing
long strings of cum into his mouth about three on four minutes into the
blow job. Willie sucked down every drop of cum while squeezing my balls
trying to get some more up and out. He squeezed them much too hard
accidentally, but then he did let up on them fairly soon after I cried out
in pain a few times.

I can't tell you how "hot" that blow job was, couldn't do it justice with
words. My hands played with Willie's hair the whole time and the more he
sucked on my cock the more I wanted to just forget about our fight earlier
and forget all about all that shit Willie had spouted-out, it was Larry and
that asshole, Charles', propaganda, nothing more.  It seems Willie and me
were having a fight or argument on every date lately, but in the end
everything turns out great.  I was still sitting up on his bed when Willie
started sucking my dick, but my legs had naturally spread out and I lay
back on the bed as soon as it started feeling unbelievable good.  Oh my
God, Willie did some of the same things with his mouth sucking me off as he
did when making-out and it was awesome.  He rested his head on my thigh
after sucking my nuts dry and I was glad for the break, it allowed time for
my balls to stop aching. I didn't want to complain about the aching nuts
though for fear we'd get into another argument, but he really did squeeze
them much too hard. After a bit, still laying with his head on my thigh,
Willie wistfully talked low about how he needs to be more aware that
everyone in the world doesn't like everything he likes. His logic was
rambling at times, but I loved the sound of his voice when he was talking
quietly like this... it was a lot like Robbie's voice which I thought a
great coincidence. We mumbled back and forth about how we both had over
reacted and how we were both sorry.  Willie emphasized the point that I was
in the same position now with Joel as I'd been before.  Willie explained,
"It's not like I made it worse or something. I misread the situation you
and I are in, that's all."  All the quiet talking was quite relaxing. I
have to admired someone who can admit they're wrong about
something... that's an excellent personality trait.  Lots of guys I know
aren't too good at that, to say the least.

He had me feeling peaceful and satisfied with that blow-job and the quiet
talking, but that wasn't the end of it. Willie still had another surprise
for me.  But first, he wrestled around to get me face to face with him,
fully on the bed now, and hugged me tight while we did another of our great
make out until I couldn't even catch my breath. And that was just a warm-up
to the real surprise. He maneuvered me around some more until I was up on
all fours, expecting to be fucked, but instead he began rimming my
ass. What an experience that was!... at first I was embarrassed to have
Willie licking my hole, but the longer he went at it the more I moaned in
pleasure and after a while, licking my lips from the heat of it all, I
shuddered and clenched my face up real tight and squirted out some watery
cum on his sheets for my second climax in an hour... ooooh, did that feel
good.  Warm and cozy within Willie's grasp after that, I melded completely
into his body and was looking forward to the way he wraps me up tight in
his arms and legs.  For his part, it was like he couldn't suck or lick or
hug or kiss me enough... oh what a feeling it is to be desired like that.
The body has so many sensitive sexy places and Willie knew them all it
seemed.  I was holding him around his neck at one point, but Willie wasn't
finished, he wasn't ready to wrap me up yet. Grunting quietly with the
effort he secured both my arms against my body while he awkwardly got his
boner out of his pants, then flipping me around so I was facing away from
him with both of us on our sides, he then forced his wet cock head in past
my sphincter ring and pushed roughly all the way up inside my hole... up,
up, up went the full seven and a half inches of his boner. It hurt and
burned like hell but quickly felt fabulous, I stifled my complaints about
the initial hurt.

By now Willie had maintained me in a constant state of high sexual arousal
for about an hour and I was totally docile for him while wetting my lips
for more.  I figured Willie had to be very aroused by now himself so I sort
of understood the rough treatment, it was really just indicative a more
urgent need on Willie's part then a case of him being intentionally rough.
His strength always surprised me anyway, his long cock by now was not a
surprise and as usual it quickly had me squirming and moaning with
pleasure, calling weakly, "Oh, it feels soooo good. Fuck me Willie... it
feels so hot Willie" he was humping me hard, almost angrily. When I felt I
might have my third climax of the evening he grunted out a question, "Who
do you love, Dylan?"  I could hardly get the words out I was so close to
that third climax.. I'm gasping, "You Willie, I love you Willie".  He asked
another question with almost a grunt, "What's feeling good on you right
now, baby?"  and I was so turned-on I barely got out, "My pussy feels so
good, Willie... you made my pussy feel good... soooo good..." He grunted,
"you're fucking right it does" and right after that I felt the gush of
Willie's first climax of the evening, very wet and sloppy up my ass as he
continued fucking me harder then before. I was gasping and humping back
against his cock, but I never could quite manage the third climax... when
he pulled out of me I was out of breath but still wishing I could have
managed that third one.  I wrestled myself around on the bed to cling to
Willie tightly and then wondered... why am I clinging to Willie so much?
Did I want him to keep fucking me?  Or, maybe did I sense he was still mad
at me from our earlier disagreement and I didn't want him to drop me as his
boyfriend.  I know he didn't like it one bit that I'd snapped back at him
earlier, but if that's true why did he show me such loving care, and such
fantastic sex afterward...  you know, if he was still mad?

Trying to interpret Willie's behavior can be problematic at times. He
didn't wrap me up tightly when he'd finished fucking me this time like he's
always done in the past, so perhaps that means something.  And then he
surprised the hell out of me by spanking my bare ass hard.  Using his legs
to hold me in place, he smacked my ass a dozen or more times, both buttocks
were wet from his cum drooling out of my hole so the slaps were loud. It
hurt like hell, but initially I didn't complain because I thought he was
going to stop after each smack and also it had taken me so totally by
surprise, I didn't know what to make of it at first.  The wetness of his
drooling cum from my hole on my buttocks made the smacks sting even more
then they normally would.  Just about when I couldn't take it anymore and I
was going to beg him to stop, he stopped on his own.  He was breathing hard
through his nose and grumbling words under his breath I couldn't make out.
I didn't say or do anything except groan because it had hurt me and I
couldn't think of a response other then whining which doesn't make me look
very good. It happened so fast, so unexpectedly, but I know it's routine
for his roommate and a lot of those assholes from Prep school to spank
their partner while fucking, so that's probably all there is to it. Willie
just wanted to do something the guys he's familiar with routinely do. It
seemed best, under the circumstances tonight, that I continued to keep
quiet... I didn't want to act like a wuss.  Afterall, Willie had apologized
and admitted he was wrong just a little while ago. Maybe he'd apologize
again after the spanking, that is, when he realizes he's not in that dumb
Prep clique at the moment, but with me instead.  My ass was burning and
stinging, I can tell you that. There was no apology this time though as
apparently Willie had changed moods again, he said, "We need to shower
Dylan" and he took me by my wrist to pull me with him into the shower.  It
seemed he was again mad or disappointed so I tried to make amends by
saying, "I didn't mean to make you mad again, Willie, I'm sorry. I loved
that rimming and I've never been sucked off like you did it, ever.  I love
you Willie.  Come on, let's have fun and forget all that other stuff.  I
don't mind that you spanked me."  he said, "OK, OK, stop whining. We'll get
cleaned up and maybe feel better about things afterward. I gave you those
love taps on your ass because, god damnit, that's what I'm suppose to do.
Someday you'll see that."  That was more or less what I'd thought the
spanking had been all about, but damn, after everything that's happened
this evening I wondered... did I make up some ground in getting Willie to
see things my way, or did I lose some more ground to his way?


                          DYLAN'S DILEMMA PART 13

                                   Chapter Three

It was maybe the quietest Willie's ever been with me...  we showered,
dressed, and drove to the movie complex saying just polite courtesy
comments to each other.  I'm always excellent at giving the silent
treatment when I can't get my way, but this was different.  Or, more
likely, Willie's just better at the silent treatment then even I am.  I
thought it was best not to annoy him at the moment with questions though,
so I followed his lead and kept quiet.  No problems developed on the ride
to the theater and inside we discovered the line for our movie wasn't too
long, so that was good.  Willie bought the tickets and then he bought us
one large popcorn and a large Pepsi.  I was glad he got the single order of
stuff for us to share because it seemed like a good sign he was coming out
of his bad mood.  He handed me the big round container of popcorn and the
Pepsi to carry and, even though there were a lot of people around us, for
once I was glad he put his arm around my waist walking us to the doorway
for our movie... it was further indication that everything was going to be
OK.  In our seats I held the popcorn in my lap and put the Pepsi in the
drink-holder between us, Willie put his arm across my shoulders and gave a
little squeeze with his hand on my bicep which seemed to me to be an even
further indicator he was in a better mood now.

As people talked all around us we remained silent, we ate popcorn and
watched the previews, me slightly leaning in towards Willie like I know he
wants me to do.  I was doing things the way Willie liked, and when he still
didn't talk to me, I leaned over so my lips brushed his ear and whispered,
"Are you still mad at me, Willie?" He shook his head and quietly said,
directly into my ear, "Not mad, Dylan... ah, let's say I'm disappointed a
little, with you and me.  I thought you were OK with me being dominant in
our relationship, that's all. You know, I got that impression from the way
you eventually got it"... he used his fingers to make quotation marks in
the air when he said the words "got it". "when you got it and went along
with everything during the block party.  You know, the panties and the
three-way, and all.  I guess my feelings are hurt that you've sort of
changed your mind now on that position, and also that you rejected me so
strongly back at the house, with all your fresh back-talk." The movie
started and he squeezed my shoulder again, then leaned over to kiss the
side of my head, people sitting all around us. I heard two different people
say "did you see that?". Willie added, "Don't get that worried look on your
cute face, enjoy the movie... things will work out OK.  I'm not going to
dump you just because you screwed-up a few times."  I nodded my head
because what else could I do... fact is, I wasn't even thinking about him
dumping me at that moment, my thoughts were about the people who said, "did
you see that boy kiss the other boy?".  I didn't dare look around, kept my
eyes straight ahead.  Letting myself drift into the Hollywood world of make
believe appeared to be my best escape... it became obvious that this movie
was going to be one long thrill ride, and it actually did remain at that
level for most of the two and a half hours it ran. Awesome! During this
action-packed kind of movie there isn't much of an opportunity to think
about anything except the movie. Walking out when it was over, Willie was
more upbeat, he'd liked it too.

We drove directly to my condo and, for the first time, he didn't even ask
to come in.  I was sure Willie would want to come in and fuck me one last
time before he headed off to Maine.  I would have said OK if he had asked
because I didn't want to upset him again.  I'd have said OK even though
having him come in could have been a problem.  If Chubby should burst in to
see how I was doing like he often did, well... my secret would be out then.
But, as it turned out, Willie didn't even kiss me goodnight, saying
instead, "I know you don't want anyone to see us kissing so I'll just say
goodnight like we're just buddies, OK?" I mumbled, "Oh, yeah... thanks
Willie.  I'll miss ya."  He said, "Will ya miss me, Dylan... I sometimes
wonder. You don't seem to try very hard to get on my good side, do ya?"  I
didn't know what to say to that exactly, so I quietly mumble, "I've been
trying to do that ever since our fight, Willie.  I love you.  Don't you
love me anymore?"  He said something to the effect that sure, he loved me,
but during the ride he'd been thinking about this coming Saturday night and
how it's ironic he'd be in Maine being Larry's "boy" and I'd be at my
sleep-over with Joel's being Joel's "boy" and that maybe we'd, Willie and
me, someday wise-up and get it right. Wondering what he meant by that, I
got out of the car and said "Goodnight".  Going up the front steps I
realized I had no clear idea where my relationship with Willie stood.

My best guess is that his parting comment meant that "we'd get it right"
whenever I learn my place and realize I'm suppose to be his
"boy"... whatever it even means to be someone's "boy". I never knew what
that meant even when I was suppose to be Carl's "boy"... thought it was
just a general figure of speech meaning a type of boyfriend. Maybe it's
specific and means the boy being fucked, but then I'd already be Willie's
boy... wouldn't I?  There wouldn't be any need for me to learn "my place"
in our relationship. I already happily kiss his ass, what else am I suppose
to do?  I realized this thinking was sounding like whining, but this "boy"
thing is a bit stupid, that's what I think anyway.  Is Robbie my "boy"
because I fucked him a couple of times? No, of course not, not as far as
I'm concerned.  It's idiotic!  I love being gay, but it's awfully confusing
and illogical... at least the way Carl, Larry, Willie, the guys in
Cambridge and especially the other asshole from Prep school, Charles... all
of them, the way they play gay is confusing, and pretty dumb too.  There
has to be a gay "sect" somewhere in the world that doesn't believe in all
this dominant/submissive stuff... there has to be!  If not, maybe I'll
start my own group... me and Robbie can be charter members.

Mom was still working at the restaurant of course so, using my key to get
into the condo I was certain the place would be empty and it was. Grabbing
a bottle of pink Gatorade and plopping down on the sofa I thought about
Willie coming in and given me one of those hot fucks... we would have
gotten away clean too because Chubby never did come down, or even text me
to say goodnight like he almost always does.  I wondered about that for a
few minutes. Drinking my drink and staring into space I was now mad at
myself for not inviting Willie to come up with me... it would have been a
more positive ending to our date.  The sex we'd had at his place before the
movie had been real nice, but our argument detracted from the full sexiness
of it and a nice fuck in my own bed right now would have gone a long way
toward putting my mind at ease that he still loves me. After all, I won't
see him for a week at least. Thinking wistful thoughts like that I went in
my bathroom and washed up, then crawled into bed and "it" hit me
again.. hard for me to believe, but Willie actually wanted me to be abused
by Joel. He wanted that asshole to beat me into submission, or something
like that so that I'd learn to be a more submissive boyfriend for him,
Willie.  It's basically just that simple. Willie said I'd learn to respect
or appreciate him more after spending that time under Joel's control. Then
something else occurred to me... I'd explained the reasons I can't get out
of going with Joel on my own, and since Willie won't help me get out of it
either, that means I'll be going with Joel... which is what Willie wants
anyway. So we disagreed about it, then Willie gives in and say I'm right
about not going with Joel, but he can say that and still get his wish
because I'll be going with Joel anyway, just like I would have even if I
never brought it up in the first place. Is that why he had the change of
heart?  All of a sudden I got a fucking headache with all this.  God
damnit!

That's pretty shifty, pretty calculating of Willie... pretending to agree
I'm right about seeing Joel while the whole time he's thinking that when he
sees me a week from now on our date I'll have spent the weekend with Joel
getting my ass beat in any number of ways, and I'll be properly
"trained"... which means, properly submissive. This train of thought was
getting me royally pissed off again.  But, what to do about it? Ok!  A new
strategy... I'll reconsider my options and talk to Robbie about Joel. Maybe
there is a way that between Robbie and me we can think of a way to avoid me
going to Joel's... preferably a way that won't have Joel breaking my neck
or somehow causing a huge disruption to the Dickers Landscape & Design
Company.  Perhaps Robbie can have a discrete discussion, no threats or
ultimatums that might piss Joel off, just discussions about it.  Hmmm, real
easy, right?  For the life of me I can't see how it will work, I've already
tried talking to Joel a couple of times discretely which had no positive
effect what-so-ever. I was so tired laying there in my bed thinking about
my problems, but tired or not, this was a major deal and needed to be
thought about. Even if Robbie and me can't come up with a solution I'll be
no worse off then I am now, right?  And, ah ha!  at least it'll explain to
Robbie why I have this absurd haircut again, Joel insisted on it. Thinking
about all of this is depressing stuff, once more I let that "feel sorry for
myself" thought drift through my head... "why does this shit always happen
to me?".

And the more I thought about this sad situation, the more I felt real
disappointment with Willie.  I just can't get over the fact he actually
wanted me in harms way with that fucking physco Joel. At this point it
would be real easy to get all indignant and pretend that I'm dropping
Willie because all he cares about is me being submissive to him and blab,
blab, blab, but I surprised myself when I thought about that some more.
It's not what I want at all. Who am I kidding?  I've never known anyone
like Willie, all the new things we've done together.  The things he's
introduced me to, and I'm not even talking about the sex yet.  The sex is
awesome and I just love everything about the way he does sex with me.
Truth is, I miss Willie already and I saw him only an hour ago.  I've
bonded with him, and no one will ever fuck me like he does, it's not
possible... but I already mentioned that, didn't I? And the way he gives me
those hickeys... and now that I think of it, that's another bad sign. After
our fight he didn't even want to do the hickey. No, I don't want to drop
Willie at all, and I'm hoping he won't drop me.  When I think about it,
sure... we argue about mostly little things, but everything else is so
excellent!  I can certainly give in some more on that submissive stuff for
him if I really need to... what's the big deal? Oh my God, I'm forgetting
about Robbie here.  I still don't know what to do about having two
boyfriends.  Of course it could be I'm too tired right now to think
rationally about any of this. Tired or not, tomorrow I do need to confide
in Robbie about Joel.  No matter what, I positively don't want to go with
Joel Saturday night....  that was my last thought before falling asleep.

This August morning showed up bight and sunny and hot.  That's good because
Wednesday after work it's the Dickers barbecue and swimming pool
party. First thing I did after my morning bathroom ritual was to get
Chubby's and my swimming stuff together, the second thing was to remember
my promise of last night... the one where I confide in Robbie about my
problem with Joel. In the light of day I realized that at the moment I have
only one major problem, Joel.  When that's resolved I can think about my
dilemma of being a two-timing boyfriend and what to do about that.  As
regards my real major problem, I can't believe there is any way Robbie is
going to think it's a good idea for me to spend a night with Joel, no way!
Of course, I haven't been right about too much recently so I probably
shouldn't try to predict what Robbie will say or do. During the bus ride to
work I was going back and forth, first thinking Robbie will come up with a
solution, and then changing my mind and thinking he obviously won't because
there isn't a solution. After pondering these thoughts for a bit, my mind
changed course to believing I should just go with Joel and make the best of
it.  I mean, he's not going to kill me or maim me or anything, I don't
think... lots of other guys do Joel's kind of stuff on a regular basis.
Not that I actually know what "Joel's kind of stuff" consist of, but the
sub/dom thing isn't unheard of... it's practiced by a lot of people, isn't
it? Maybe I should just do it and not get Robbie involved.

Wearing a Dicker's Landscape & Design baseball cap to hide my latest
haircut disaster, I hurriedly walked through the locker room avoiding Joel
completely by using the side door. Now, hopefully, I'll also be able to
sneak by the college guys too.  My goal was to avoid their mock inspection,
but one of them yelled at my retreating person, "you're not fooling anyone
with that hat, Bobbsie, you got another haircut, didn't you?"  Those guys
are so outrageous I have to laugh. Everything they say or do is done for
humor so they're sort of clowns, but Robbie told me that in spite of that,
they're still the best commercial lawn workers Mr Dickers ever hired.
Actually, I feel a little flattered they pay so much attention to me.  I
turned the corner and saw Robbie busy with something inside his locker.  I
snuck up on him and goosed his ass big-time!  He goes, "Ooooh, that felt
awesome, Dylan!" and I'm like, "How'd ya know it was me?" Robbie flips his
hand at me like it's obvious, and says, "I can tell because I love the way
you smell". I smelled the back of my wrist, "I don't smell
anything"... Robbie gets right next to me and whispers, "I dreamed about
you last night, Dylan.  I dreamed you said you loved me."  Clearing my
throat I mumbled, "I do love ya, dude.  Hey, I got to talk to you about
something very troubling and potentially dangerous, and I need you to
promise you won't take any action unless we both think it's a good idea.
Can you do that? Promise me?"  Robbie says very quietly, "I'd do anything
for you, Dylan". Then, because I could feel myself getting all choked-up, I
hugged him and said,"You are so fucking special, Robbie!  I hate myself for
laying this problem on ya, but I'm at a loss what to do." Then, like a
couple of idiots, we kissed right out in the open again.  I couldn't help
myself... his full bowed lips feel so good on my lips. Our one-minute kiss
ended with Robbie's blowing his moist fresh-smelling breath in my face
again as he tried not to hyperventilate.  I said, "Come on, let's sit down,
I got to tell you something".

Robbie stared at me with big shiny eyes as I outlined my experience from
day one with Joel... the beating he gave me, the times he intimidated me
and pulled my hair out or slapped my face or the back of my head,
everything.  Robbie reached out and held my hand at one point which made me
talk faster for fear someone would wander by and see us holding hands. I
detailed, as best I could, the over-night thing Joel insisted I do, ending
with, "I'm not really sure what he'll do to me but look" and I took off my
hat showing Robbie my latest disastrous haircut, he made a face, but no big
deal, and I continued, "I had to get this haircut before the over-nighter,
and I already told you about me having to shave all the hair off my body
and all.  Oh man I don't know, it's so scary and unfair and horrible. Do ya
got any fucking idea what I can do to quietly get out of this?" Before he
could answer, I pulled my hand away from his and held it up to say, "Oh,
before you say anything" and then I outlined all the ways this situation
could come back to reflect terribly on his parent's company if Joel
blew-up.  Joel working here would come out if police got involved which
they would if Joel goes postal on me or something like that. Then I
emphasized that it complicates things that I'm gay and all of it could put
a bad reputation on Dicker's Landscaping & Design and his parents didn't
deserve that. "Robbie, it needs to be some action between just you, me, and
Joel. Something that doesn't result in him killing me, or you, or both of
us". Then I told Robbie about the times I'd already tried to reason with
Joel and how that went nowhere fast.

Throughout my entire dissertation Robbie was a good listener, occasionally
making tortured facial expressions at some of the gruesome details.  I know
he's smart, smarter than me for sure, so I hoped upon hope that he'd have a
suggestion. Finally done my presentation, Robbie took my hand again and a
single tear came down his face as he bit his bottom lip and made a face
like he was trying to control his emotions.  I swallowed hard because
seeing another boy cry is contagious, I start with the tears too, but I
didn't want us bawling about this and, frankly, I thought he'd be pissed
off, not weepy. Robbie mumbled, "I'm so sorry, Dylan", he stood up to hug
my head into his stomach, like my mother did to me when I was five years
old, knocking my baseball hat off my head in the process. Awkward, to say
the least, and I thought, "this is different", but it don't look like
Robbie's going to be any more helpful then Willie was.

After patting my head a few times, in a voice sounded very different from
any other I'd heard him use, Robbie said, "It's almost beyond belief. I've
know Joel for two years and he's seemed aloof I guess, but the stuff you
told me... well, he's obviously crazy.  I'll take care of it. I'm so
furious that he did that stuff to you, Dylan. Don't worry, you won't need
to go anywhere with him!  It's taken care of, that fucker!"  His level of
anger took me by surprise because he's always so under control, the edge to
his voice was nothing like the sweet shy innocent Robbie I'm use to. His
reassuring me that he'd take care of it also took me totally by surprise
too and, while I certainly liked the sound of it, I needed to be sure
Robbie wasn't unrealistically underestimating the pitfall possibilities
here so I wanted to know what he was planning to do or say. He said he
didn't know exactly, but he and Joel had an OK relationship and Robbie felt
he'd simply need to explain the situation to Joel from a third party's
viewpoint... the third party being the number one son of the owner of the
company.  I asked, "So you're just going to talk with him and that will be
the end of it?" Robbie goes, "Something like that Dylan, and you know what,
doing something for you makes me feel soooo good".  His tone of voice was
back to normal, that sweet sounding way he talks, not girlish at all, young
boyish sounding voice... it's cool.  I go, "Oh Robbie, you're fantastic!"
We hugged and I said again, "You're just talking to him, right?  We don't
want to threaten him or get him fired or anything because that's what could
lead to problems.  Just talk, right Robbie?"  Robbie got a cute look on his
face when he said, "You worry too much.  It's taken care of" and then he
stage-whispered, "Let's go check out the old locker section and see if we
can figure where they'll install the showers next year, or something like
that". As we walked back for a make-out session I thought about how cute
Robbie is when he's acting cute, ha ha! Oh man, is he something and I also
thought, why wouldn't he simple say, "yeah, all I'm going to do is talk to
him?"  He kept avoiding that very simple statement, but god damnit, I have
hope now at last.

All during the work day I avoided being alone with Joel and kept expecting
to see Robbie and him have a conversation at some point, but it never
happened.  After work, while sneaking with Robbie back to the old locker
section, I asked if he'd talked with Joel today and he said the chance
never came up, but not to worry it was no big deal.  He said he was going
to take care of it, no sweat.  I really wanted to believe that except it
seemed too easy so I kept my mind open to the possibility I may still need
to go with Joel Saturday night.  I'd changed my mind again and decided if I
needed to go with him I would because there just wasn't any way I was
giving up this job... what would I tell people if I did?  It'd be just as
bad as telling Joel to drop dead.  Putting that out of my mind temporarily,
Robbie and I got all hot and bothered with our make out.  For some reason
he turned me on more then normal this afternoon, which is saying
something... I almost creamed my shorts a couple of times. It's so sexy to
make-out after work, all hot and sweaty and slippery and nasty, spit all
over our faces and our hot breath coming out in bursts.  He was squeezing
my ass and humping my crotch as I sucked on his neck giving him a tiny
hickey. Robbie was proud of it and, if we hadn't heard his father calling
for us, our pants would soon be coming down as we were hot to trot!
Panting, Robbie goes, "You've got to fuck me sometime tonight, Dylan.  You
have to! You and me is the best thing that ever happened in my life!".  I
just nodded because I was out of breath and his declarations of love
overwhelmed me at times.  Both of us groped our own boners as we walked up
to the front of the locker room, Robbie yelled out to his Dad, "We'll be in
the truck" as we went out the same side door I'd come in this morning.
After climbing up into the back of the pick up we leaned together against
the cab and Robbie felt around my crotch until he got hold of my cock to
stroke it from outside my shorts.  I said, "Whoa, that's awesome Robbie,
but let's not get caught, OK? We need to be a little more careful."  This
time it was Robbie who nodded his head and then we hear, "All set?" from
his Mom, and off we go for the barbecue... Robbie never actually let go of
my cock the entire ride and my boner was so hard by the time we got to his
house I was afraid it would break off.  I held onto the hand he had on my
cock, not to pull his hand away... just to hold it. Damn, it feels good to
be just on the verge of cuming.  Robbie's shiny eyes and grin told be he
was having a nice time too.

It's a short ride, we were both quiet as he slowly stroked me.  This was a
nice distraction from my earlier thoughts about Joel.  We pulled in the
Dickers driveway with the head of my boner wet and leaking, a wet spot on
my shorts made Robbie giggle.  Then, we both stood up to get off the truck
and Dodger hits Robbie and me with a burst of water from the garden hose.
We jumped off the back of the truck and the water fight was on even before
we'd gotten into our boardie swim trunks, or in Dodger's case, his speedo.
It's fun to sometimes act like little kids again... it rocks to have
buddies to do that with.  Mr and Mrs Dickers just shook their heads at out
childish behavior. They went right inside to get cleaned up for the next
door neighbor's cook-out tonight.  Us boys were welcome to make an
appearance whenever we wanted to eat.  No problem as far as we were
concerned. As soon as Mr and Mrs Dickers disappeared behind the neighbor's
fence the four of us boys took a break from the water fight to smoke
cigarettes in the garage and drink beers from the overflow refrigerator
there. When the cats away the mice will play, is what Dodger said in
between burps from the beer. We were drinking Becks beer which came in a
green bottle that I though were cool for some reason.  I could only drink
one slowly, but Dodger and Chubby had a drinking game going and they had
more than two beers each. Everyone had cigarettes till the garage was
cloudy with the second hand smoke.  I don't think Robbie even finished one
beer and he kept making head movements at me like he and I should take off
for his bedroom or something. That would be way too obvious so I kept doing
tiny subtle shakes of my head "no".

Eventually we all went inside to change into our swim suits and at one
point I had the pleasure of inconspicuously observing three less-then-four
inch penises swinging between the legs of my three friends, and that's an
unusual sight to see.  Of course I wanted to suck them all one by one and
compare cum tastes... you know, scientific purposes only. The three penises
were quickly covered and out we went to do cannonballs into the pool.
Dodger did his usual showing off by swimming under water around the entire
four sides of the pool as sleek as a seal and almost as fast.  I studied
him and couldn't believe my eyes because it didn't seem he was hardly doing
anything to glide so quickly through the water. After ball crunching and
dick massaging we finally went next door to be introduced to the neighbors
and get our dinners.  It was hamburgs and hotdogs and potato chips which
was simple food compared to Mr and Mrs Dickers barbecues, but it was real
good just the same. We showed off by eating ridiculous numbers of hamburgs
and hotdogs, it got to be almost an eating contest.  Chubby and Dodger are
ultra competitive. All the adults were drinking things like gin and tonics,
beers, or wine, and such so they were in jovial moods and enjoyed the show
us four teens put on.

Back at the pool, after eating, Robbie was acting slightly pouty and I
asked why... he said, "Because it doesn't look like we're going to get to
be alone".  Showing a resigned expression I shrugged like, what can we do?
Then, sitting on the edge of the pool about a half hour later, acting kind
of mopey myself, one of the neighbors called over to ask if two of us
wanted to challenge the adult badminton champions.  The two most
competitive of the four of us automatically yelled, "You got it!" and off
went Chubby and Dodger. The smile that broke out on Robbie's face when he
said, "Let go right now, Dylan.. What do ya think?" was so bright and so
cute. I grinned back yelling at Chubby, "We're going to check out the Red
Sox game for awhile, see you later" and he yelled something back that
sounded like, "OK".  We went right upstairs.  I didn't think we'd be safe
for a long period of time so we needed to do it fast.  We went directly
into Robbie's bathroom and locked the door.  I reached over and pulled
Robbie's boardies down to his knees, then my own. "We'll do it like this so
that if we have to we can pull them right up and be out of here in fifteen
seconds.  Robbie was biting his lower lip nodding his head in agreement as
he played with his small dick, his face already slightly flushed.  He
handed me the horrid Vaseline and I used the same method with the toilet
paper I used for Willie and me. Vaseline on the toilet paper to rub on my
cock, and then on Robbie's hole.  I kept staring at Robbie's pecker which
appeared to be even smaller then it was earlier, it was shriveled up from
the pool water to maybe two and a half or three inches at the longest, mine
was shriveled some from the water too, but not as severely as his and I
also had the beginnings of a stiffy from just thinking about putting
Robbie's tiny penis in my mouth. I mumbled, "Better get your pecker started
for ya, dude".  Robbie goes, Huh?"  and with my Vaseline-coated semi-boner
bobbing around in front of me I got down on my knees and sucked Robbie's
cock into my mouth. Robbie goes, "Mmmmmm" It's getting addictive for me,
sucking cock. His had the pool taste again, but that didn't last long, then
it's all Robbie's penis taste.  His cock and my cock got hard at the same
rate cause I enjoy sucking his dick and gently squeezing his balls just as
much as Robbie enjoyed having his cock sucked and his nuts gently squeezed.
As I sucked him off, Robbie made a humming sound and continually went up on
his toes with one foot and then the other, holding my head with both hands
at all times.

Soon he squeaked, "I'm going to cum" so I stopped for a minute, and holding
his dick in my hand, bending my head back, I lapped under his scrotum, up
and over it, and then up his boner.  I did it three times and then I got as
far under his crack as I could and managed to lick his asshole a few times
before licking from his hole back up to his nuts.  My neck felt like it
would crack so I didn't try that again, but soon I want to do a full
rimming on Robbie's ass.  I tongued up his cock a couple more times and
then sucking on the head of his cock again swallowing his precum and just
knew he was close.  Robbie was going, "I'm going to cum Dylan, wait...."
Using a lot of quick tongue on just the head of his boner, I started
squeezing his nuts again until he squawked out a muffled, "Nooooo, ooooooh"
and a lot of com flowed into my mouth, some slid out the sides and down my
chin. I'd swallowed quickly, but not quickly enough to catch it all. My
dick was so hard the urge to stroke myself off was great, but instead I
managed to get to my feet, turn Robbie to face the sink, say "Hold on Rob",
and push my boner fully up his ass in one motion.  He did a muffled cry,
but it felt good on my boner, so good I left it there and hugged around his
waist pulling him back into me so my cock could get a little further up
inside him. I'd gotten Robbie's cock back to it's full four inches by
sucking it, and when I reached around him to grab his cock, it was back to
it's maximum size, hard, and four inches long again, a throbbing boner with
nice diameter and a full rosy head... actually, he has a great cock. I'm
quite fond of it. I held his entire boner in my fist as I humped his hole
ten times fast.  Robbie was exhaling little puffs of air making whimpering
sounds.  I thought about smacking his bare ass, but didn't do it this time.
Instead I stopped fucking his ass and just held him tight while I caught my
breath, then keeping my boner fully inserted in that great ass of his, I
rotated my hips increasing the fantastic sensations all the way from the
head of my boner, down the shaft, and into my balls. I had to blow out a
long exhale and kiss the back of Robbie's sweaty neck... that kid smells so
good!  When I started actually fucking him again, I did it with lazy, six
inch strokes. Oh my God that felt good, my toes were tingling.  Robbie laid
his head back against my shoulder with his eyes closed and whispered, "Fuck
me Dylan, fuck me, fuck me..." with every hump he made more of those
whimpering sounds.  My boner was tingling now along with my toes and I was
getting ready to blow. Robbie rolled the back of his head on my shoulder,
over to my neck, back and forth, then he lets out, "Ohhhhh it feels so
wonderful, make it last Dylan, please... Ahhhh ahh". I was right on the
verge of blowing a major cum load up his ass, but I somehow slowed down and
stopped for a few seconds. Stroking Robbie's latest boner slowly until the
urge for me to cum abated slightly, and then I'd start fucking him again.
It was great, but finally I just positively had to cum, so... ignoring his
plea to drag it out, I rabbit humped him and, pretty much laying on his
back with my arms around his chest, I humped that one last time and held my
groin against his ass shooting my load up into his bowels... Robbie
squirming and blowing saliva sprays on the mirror over the sink as he took
control of his boner and rapidly jerked himself off to a small second
climax that had him shuddering and shaking like he was having a convulsion
or something.  I held onto him until he calmed down, but I left my pecker
up inside him because it was feeling so good up there.  After a couple
minutes though we both chickened-out, worried someone would pound on the
bathroom door so I pulled out of him with both of us sucking air noisily in
through clenched teeth.  We were taking deep breaths for a bit and then
with red faces we looked at each other, grinning as we pulled up our
boardies.  Out of the bathroom we go to check if anyone was about.

Robbie padded over to the stairwell, saw no one... I looked out the window
and could see just the tops of Chubby and Dodger's heads still playing
badminton against youngish looking adult guys, one of them with short red
hair looked a little like Jake Rollins, but no... that's not possible, is
it?  In any case Robbie and I were alone in the house so we cleaned up the
cum in the bathroom and put tissue at Robbie's hole to absorb my cum and
then lay on Robbie's bed together making out for a bit.  After that, Robbie
went into his rap about how much he loved me and how our sex was the best
part of his life, and all that.  I tried to return those kind of sentiments
back on him a little, but we wound-up making out some more.  I had such a
strong urge to spend a night with Robbie... you know, like Willie and I had
in Sea Isle City.  Go to bed together, have our make-out and our sex, sleep
and wake up together to do it all over again... it's the best time ever for
guys into each other, and Robbie had me hooked on him by now... how could I
resist him.  He's just so perfect.  Damn, I guess I do love him afterall,
or if I don't, guess I don't know what love is then.  Robbie or Willie, oh
my God... an embarrassment of riches, boyfriend-wise.

After a while even Robbie was getting edgy so we went downstairs and,
grabbing a soda, walked over to watch Chubby and Dodger throwing themselves
around the lawn making ridiculously impossible hits on the shuttlecock,
scoring points to the raves of the other neighbors.  The redhead wasn't
Jake, that was a relief.  Back to the pool with Robbie and me complimenting
Chubby and Dodger on their two straight victories.  We swam and wrestled
until the mosquitos once again drove us inside.  Robbie and I snuck smirks
at each other in the pool and I felt a swelling of love for him.  God
damnit, it's almost impossible to not fall in love with someone so cute and
so dedicated to making sure you do fall in love with him.  Actually, he
didn't need to try real hard... he's so hot I found myself shaking my head
in amazement, hard to imagine that I'm the one he desires. Surreal, for
real!  After being dropped off, Chubby and I sat outside on the steps of
our condos sharing a cigarette and rehashing the evening, repeating to each
other how much we liked the Dickers brothers.  I told Chubby what Robbie
had said about the 'pot' smoking at the dead end road and he goes, "Yeah,
it would be something like that with Robbie, he's so fucking shy.  And,
it's so strange because his brother, Dodger, is one hundred percent the
other way... he's not shy about any-fucking-thing, ya know?"  I go, "Yeah,
they both are excellent though.  Did Dodger goose you in the pool tonight?
He got my balls nasty hard."  Chubby's like, "Oh fuck, yeah!  I got him
back though and guess what, as hard as I was squeezing his balls, Dodger
dared me to squeeze em' harder". Chubby laughed at that, I could tell he
admired that kind of thing. Gee, my infatuation with Robbie lately has been
beyond fantastic, but still, hearing that ball squeezing thing reminded me
of the times Dodger and I had messed around together, well... he fucked me
once so that's more than messing around I'd say.  Hell, I miss that little
pervert doing his "thing" on my ass and all his other tricks too. He's a
hottie alright. What irony, both brothers gay, but they don't know about
each other.  Life rocks some time, don't it!  I had a smile on my face
going to sleep that night.  It was so much fun hanging with Willie, Robbie,
Dodger, and my main home-boy, Chubby.  I'm so lucky.  My last thought was
about Willie and about how I'm so willing to over look his quirks and moody
behavior and how that surprised me, but it is what it is.  Willie and I do
have a lot of history together, him being my first true love and all...

Next morning I was still the lucky guy I thought I was last night, but my
Joel problem hadn't gone anywhere so I was doing my best to prepare myself
to go with him and to do whatever I needed to get through it, but I wasn't
able to be very convincing to myself. One small hope remained, Robbie. On
the bus in to work I contemplated reminding him about talking to Joel since
neither of us had mentioned it after that first discussion.  Should I say
something, or is that nagging?  You know, nagging someone to do a favor for
you isn't real cool.  Saturday was getting awfully close though.  By the
time I got off the bus I'd decided not to say anything today, but if Robbie
hadn't talked with Joel by the end of today, then on Friday I'd need to nag
him about it.  The closer Saturday got, the more, if I'm honest with
myself, the more I wanted to get out of going with Joel.  I really, really
didn't want to go and I was now ready to admit to myself I was scared and
sick to my stomach at the thought of sleeping with him or making out with
him, or doing anything with him actually.  Robbie is my last hope now... it
was getting to be sick the way I keep preparing myself to go with Joel and
then changing my mind and realizing I just can't do it.  Approaching Robbie
at his locker it was quickly obvious to me from just saying "Hi" that he
was very much on edge about something.  It made me nervous too.  I asked,
"Anything wrong, Robbie?"  He goes, "No, why'd ya asked that?" I dropped it
and since neither of us were as "hot" for a make-out as we usually are, we
did a massage instead. Robbie cut that short too, checking his watch every
thirty seconds, finally saying, "I gotta check on something.  See you in a
bit, Dylan". Halfway to the main aisle he stopped, came back to me and
kissed my lips saying, like it amazed even him, "I can't believe how much I
love you. It scares me a little" and he was gone again before I could think
of something to say.

Changing at my locker ten minutes later I see Robbie come hurrying back
down toward his own locker.  He didn't acknowledge me as he passed.  It was
like I wasn't even there so I sauntered down to see what's what.  Could it
be he talked to Joel?  Robbie wasn't at his locker, he was in the lavatory
trying to get some dirty grease or something off his fingers.  I asked him
what was up and he jumped a foot off the ground.  "Jesus, Dylan... you
scared the shit out of me".  He seemed very jittery, I asked, "You OK Rob?"
and he said, "I like it when you call me Robbie, almost everyone else calls
me, Rob".  He was not like himself at all.  I hugged him from behind as he
continued washing his hands and I mumbled, "You're always saying to me that
you love me, and I want to say it to you too, Robbie... I love you".  I
thought he was going to cry.  He was seriously emotional, more than I
expected and he turned around and hugged me like his life depended on it.
I could hardly hear him when he said, "I really needed to hear that right
now, Dylan.  Thank you for saying it." Then the bell-tone sounded for the
start of work and we broke apart.  Robbie grabbed some paper towels, drying
his hands as we went outside to hop on the pickup truck for another day's
work.

Today was "bitch day" because the early morning lawns were all on the side
of hills, big expansive areas out in the open so be baked in the sun.  The
first job was the worse and everyone would be happy when it was over so we
clambered out of the trucks pumping each other-up, saying, "Let's knock
this thing out and get it behind us guys. Safety first on those slopes.  As
I walked by him, Joel grabbed the back of my neck saying, "You been
avoiding me, Newman?"  I looked startled and said, "No Joel, look I got my
hair cut" and he goes, "Yeah, I noticed yesterday."  He played with the
stubble on my head and mumbled, "It's OK."  He gives me the creeps.  I just
stood up tall hoping he wouldn't do one one those head splitting slaps of
his, he says, "That's good, your postures much better since I corrected you
last time." and he pinched my left nipple real hard through my T shirt
saying, "Just take it.  No sound."  Breathing nosily out of my nose,
suppressing the pain until he let go. He patted my cheek, acting smug he
said, "I'm looking forward to this Saturday night, especially Saturday
night.  Sunday will probably be special for you, but I kind of enjoy the
Saturday night part where you get all screaming, begging, and stuff.  Heh
heh, Ohhh, man, are you in for an eye-opening experience".  And to show how
scary weird he is, he stopped talking just like that, did an about face,
and walked in the opposite direction without another word, like a robot or
something. I had that feeling again, the one I get around him... it feels
like I'm going to pee my pants.  Alright, that's it, it's definite! I can't
go with him.  I changed my mind for the tenth time.  I just can't do
it... so, if I need to, I'll be a coward and let Chubby down with the car
money and all that, but I'm not strong enough to go through with it.
That's it!  Forcing Joel from my mind, I hauled the grass clipping bins off
the truck, hauled down the weed-wacker and then a large cooler to lug to a
central location for both teams to use. I'm responsible for all the rookie
shit-detail duties because I'm the newest kid on the crew.  First-aid kit
and a coffee urn and styrofoam cups for the morning break. When I had that
station set-up I heard the ride-on mowers start up so I began lugging my
weed-wacker to the furthest brick walkway to begin wacking the grass along
the edges of the walk.  I was pulling the cord to start the little gas
engine on my weed-wacked when I heard the scream.

In retrospect, I'd first heard a strange, dull, "clump" sound that turned
out to be Joel's ride-on mower rolling over on him... it eventually rolled
all the way down the hill.  His one scream was like nothing I've never
heard before.  It was so high pitched that at first I didn't connect it to
a human sound, but I looked toward the scream anyway and saw Joel on the
ground with his mower still pin-wheeling down the slope. There was a
continuous red spray around his ankle which I knew was, of course, blood.
Without thinking about doing it, I ran down toward Joel, and being the
closest one to him, I got there first.  The rotary blade of the mower had
put a terrible, slicing cut above Joel's ankle as it rolled over him.  I
could see some white in the cut that I subconsciously knew was his ankle
bone.  He was fortunately unconscious now, after that scream he'd passed
out. The bleeding was serious though so I went right to him and twisted,
then made a knot in my handkerchief around his leg just above the cut. I
couldn't twist it tight enough to stem the bleeding though so I looked
around on the ground and found a three inch long bolt just laying there
next to Joel.  In a fog, thinking... what the fuck is this doing in the
middle of this pristine lawn... I used the bolt to twirl my handkerchief
tighter and tighter around his leg.  When the material seemed to be almost
cutting into his skin, the bleeding finally slowed to barely a drool.  Only
them did I hear all the noise around me. People yelling, "I already called
911" and cursing and then Toby was there saying something and one of the
quiet Hispanic guys, Raul, said "Good, Dylan.  Let me hold that for you
now" and he held the bolt that maintained the pressure on the tourniquet as
someone else guided me up the hill to get under a tree and out of the sun.
It was the other Hispanic guy, an older man I always called, Mr R. which
was the only name I knew for him, he asked, "You OK, boy?"  I started to
say, "Of course I am" but instead I threw-up my morning coffee. He told me
my face was as white as a sheet which was the reason Raul had insisted I
let him hold the tourniquet.  Someone said I may have saved Joel's life and
then they handed Mr R. a bottle of cold water which he opened, poured some
in my mouth, and some on the back of my neck as I sat on the grass in a
daze. In a minute or so I was feeling better, but the sight of the blood
spurting up in a fountain and the white ankle bone I saw in the gash
wouldn't leave my mind.  From the scream till right now it wasn't longer
than a three minutes interval, but I already heard the sirens announcing
the EMT's arrival.  They drove the ambulance right up the slope next to the
group around Joel, got out to do some stuff for a couple of minutes, left
my handkerchief tourniquet in place and got Joel onto a stretcher and into
the ambulance.  And then they were gone.  Someone had used their cell phone
to call Mr Dickers who arrived right after the ambulance, he went in the
back of the ambulance with Joel to the hospital.  Everything was quiet
then.

Then it was like... did that actually happen?  All of a sudden I thought,
"where's Robbie, were was he when all this was going on?" There was a group
conference forming that I wandered over to, drinking the rest of the cold
water as I went.  Out of no where Robbie appeared next to me looking pale
and worried. "Got a smoke, Dylan?"  I go, "What?" and then, "Robbie?  Where
ya been, man?"  he goes, "I was over at the truck throwing up, you're a
hero Dylan".  As I got my pack of cigarettes out I noticed the greasy dirt
on my finger tips where I'd touched that bolt I'd found on the ground.
When Robbie took the cigarette I offered him I noticed the remnants of the
same kind of greasy dirt on Robbie's fingers too... he hadn't been able to
clean it off completely earlier this morning. How'd it get on his fingers
this morning in the first place?  Looking at him as I lit his cigarette I
was biting my lip trying to think straight. Robbie goes, "That was awful,
Dylan... wasn't it?  A real shame something happened to Joel.  Guess I
won't need to talk to him now though, huh?" and he raised his eyes to look
into mine.  I couldn't read anything in Robbie's eyes.  Just a neutral
look, actually it was more like an innocent look or maybe an innocent look
seeking approval... or am I imagining things again?  I averted my eyes
because I didn't want to think about anything right then.  Robbie was
standing too close to me, so to make it seem less weird, I put my arm
around his shoulder, like two buddies.  The conference was actually a pep
talk about "Let's finish this job guys.  Joel's in good hands and accidents
happen so let's try to be sure we do everything we can to avoid another
accident, but let's be professionals too and do our jobs".  The group broke
up and we did resume working, but with one less ride-on mower.  As we were
finishing up the job a flatbed truck came by to tow the mower onto it and
then took it away.  By lunch the word was out that a one-in-a-million
chance of a bolt coming loose from the wheel housing had caused the
accident. It had never happened before with that model ride-on mower ever,
but somehow that bolt became unscrewed and just fell out when it was on the
slope.  The wheel came off and, with that killer blade rotating so fast the
blade was almost invisible, the mower tumbled over sideways all the way
down the hill, running over Joel in the process and getting one whack on
his ankle by that razor sharp blade.  Most of the guys were absolutely
amazes it didn't cut his foot clean off or worse, cut his head off.  The
consensus was that the angle of Joel's leg was such that it wasn't open for
a full cut through, more a glancing blow by the blade.

Robbie and I didn't do our make-out after work.  Everyone was in a somber
mood thinking about Joel's misfortune, and I guess thinking, "there but for
the grace of God go I"... or something like that.  No one talked to me
about the accident much, but they all patted my back or nodded their heads
in approval of my life saving tourniquet move.  I did it on instinct more
than a conscious plan, but I'm damn glad I did because I think maybe I
inadvertently caused that accident to happen.  I felt sick on the way home.
Robbie and I didn't talk about it at all after those first comments.  Now
when I thought about them I got a cold chill up my back.  After everything
was said and done though, the relief I felt about not having to do the
overnight stay with Joel was huge.  He treated me cruelly all summer, but
even so, I guess Chubby and me won't need to do any pay-back now.  It
appears that fate has taken care of that for us. I swear I don't know how I
feel about anything right now, except I'm thrilled I won't need to worry
about Joel anymore... and more then that I still choose not to think about
right now. Tonight I'm suppose to do student driving, that should be a fun
way to end this bizarre day, a friendly ride with Ms Oberbite.  Then again
I thought...  No more Joel, he won't be back on the job this year and I
don't intend being here next year so I'll probably never see him
again... good! Did he get what he deserved?  I don't know. I'm shaky to be
honest, and I still got my dilemma to consider.  Now that Joel is out of my
life, the dilemma is my only significant worry. Maybe I shouldn't do it,
but I'm calling Willie tonight and tell him about Joel's accident... see
what he says.  I really don't know what he'll say, I really don't know what
the hell to think about anything anymore.... I mean, I still wish I could
see Willie tonight, and Robbie too... and, to be honest, I guess I wouldn't
mind if Joel suffers when he wakes up, just as much as he made me suffer.
I know, I'm not too classy with that wish but fuck it, Joel caused me a lot
of worry and pain and humiliation.  I'm not some kind of martyr ya know.


conclusion next........  Donny Mumford thinat20@yahoo.com