Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2004 15:26:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jay Winton <spokenword87@yahoo.com>
Subject: Erik's song 15

Thought it was over huh? Well didn't you guys want to hear the rest of the
song? Or no? Hmmm...

Onto the show.

	Have you ever woken up and just felt the sunshine, and the day so
bright...then there's always something you think about that damages that
day?

I awoke today with the sun in my eyes and a smile on my face. That quickly
faded away when I thought about how I could experience all of this, and yet
he is suffering through blackness, and feeling like he's all alone. I swung
my feet out of the bed; I had to get myself to stop thinking about Jay in
the condition he was in, because I knew that it would just make me so mad,
that I might do something that I regret.

" DAD!" I yelled down the hall waiting for a response.

"Yes son?" He replied.

"Can we go see Jay today?" I asked...hearing nothing but silence.

"I don't know...if that's such a good idea," He said, as I walked down the
stairs. I sat down and huffed.

"Why not?" I asked him.

"Because, we have to let the doctors do their job, and make him better
without us bothering him" My dad said.

"BOTHERING HIM! I FUCKING LOVE HIM, AND IF THAT" BOTHERING HIM THEN I'm
SORRY" I yelled, as I got up from the table and stormed to my room, where I
slammed the door with so much force the picture on the wall fell to the
ground...just like I did.

Erik's song? Did I write this?

I didn't know that I even picked up the pencil. Maybe it's from my
thoughts? I hope no, wizard or wise old guy that's gonna die right before
he has a chance to help me doesn't show up...but that would actually seem
normal considering me talking to myself and writing something that I don't
even remember writing.  When is all of this going to be over with?

I couldn't be in this house with people who didn't understand.

" Erik, wait" CJ said as he tried to get me to calm down.

"NO! You don't understand, my own fucking dad won't understand" I screamed
as I ran out the door and started walking. I glanced up at the sky, and saw
how fast clouds filled up, and rain threatened to outpour at any time.
	I was walking, walking down that trail that was so familiar to me,
to us, to Jay and me. It broke my heart knowing that I was taken in this
beauty, of our place. This place was were we gave ourselves to each
other...our place. I couldn't handle it...I broke down right then and
there.

"Why are you crying?" I heard someone ask. I looked up, and saw some
scrawny, long haired, scruffy kid.

"Leave me alone" I said as I picked myself up and started to walk again.

"Did someone die? He asked. "Are you dying?" he asked again as he followed
every step I took.

"Look kid, my fucking boyfriend is in the hospital...and he's in a
coma...so if you wouldn't mind I'd like it if you'd just leave me alone." I
said to the kid as he blinked and smiled.

"Wow, I'm sorry, but I'll talk to you, and be your friend" he said with a
grin.

"UGH! I don't need a friend I need you to leave me alone" I said as I
turned the other way to get him out of our place.

"But, everyone needs friends, the song even says so." He said with a
giggle. I have to admit that, it did make me smile a little bit, which made
me cave in.

"See, I can make you laugh, let me stay please" He asked as he looked up at
me.

"How old are you?" I asked him

"15" He replied with a smile.

"You look like you're 12" I said to him.

"Yea, I get that all the time" He replied with a smile as he continued to
walk.

"So you're a faggot?" He asked, bluntly, which made me choke up a little
bit.

"I'm gay, not a faggot" I said to him getting upset.

"Look no, don't get mad, I'm a fag- I'm gay too" He said to me with a
smile. I just looked at him and smiled.

"Got a boyfriend?" I asked him.

"Nah, but I really like this guy that I fooled around with at the skating
rink." He said.

"Really? Is this guy cute?" I asked him

"Yes very much so, everything about him is cute...I love his name" He said.

"Why would you love his name?" I asked being very confused.

"Because our names sound so cool together," He said with a smile

"What are they?" I asked, very interested.

"They're Nathan...that's me...and Jay" He said with another smile.

"Nathan Winton" He said. My heart stopped.

So how come I can hear myself talk, but no one else can? Why do I even
bother talking to myself, when all I ask is questions? Ugh! There's another
one. I need to keep myself busy, I feel so tired and weak. And now...

" DOCTOR! DOCTOR...He's flat-lined"

That's what now? Chapter something? Lol...I hope you're still with me...
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