Date: Wed, 30 Jun 1999 16:55:56 -0700 (PDT) From: Bambi Ben <hammben@yahoo.com> Subject: "Even When I Dream" chpt. 14-17 Chapter 14- It was so bright. All I could see was a blinding white light that seemed to come straight from my soul. My eyes were helpless against the brilliance of it and I shut them tightly. Tears began to stream down my cheeks and it felt like the light was filling my body and reading my soul. For a split second, it hurt worse than anything. But eventually the pain and heat became... different. For the first time in my life, I felt as though life had finally been given to me. The bright light could have been me being reborn. I turned my face up into the hot white flash and let it wash over my body. Suddenly, it felt as though wind was gushing around underneath me. My feet left the ground and I felt myself being pulled up into the air. The light still wouldn't leave me and I sensed myself being exposed to it in full. It felt as though hands were holding me... supporting me... and keeping me from falling.... Chapter 15- It's a weird feeling. I had read somewhere that something like 95% of all people live 80% of their lives sleeping alone and with nothing covering them except blankets and sheets and stuff. But then when they meet that person who they want to spend all those nights with, it changes. You have to get used to sleeping with the warmth and body heat of another person there with you. It takes you a while to get used to the sensation of the other person. You have to acclimate to the texture of their skin, the feeling of their hair brushing against you, their natural smell, and all sorts of stuff. My parents did it and as I woke up that morning, I knew I'd have to get used to it as well. The first thing that hit me was when I woke up. The tent was like a microwave oven and I was soaked in sweat. For a split second, I almost thought that what had happened last night between me and Chris had been a dream. I thought that the hot fleshy mass on top of me was just the wet vinyl of my sleeping bag. I laid there with my eyes clenched, convincing myself that the truth was just a different spin on the same dream I had kept having night after night after night after night after-- "Damn... turn down the heat." A husky voice on top of me mumbled. What the-- I opened one eye just a bit and the light bouncing off his honey blond hair almost knocked me for a loop. What had happened the night before came gushing back and I didn't know wether to laugh or cry.... "Mmmm... we won't go camping in July for the honeymoon..." He mumbled again and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his hot smooth skin press against mine and I tried my hardest to compose myself. "Yo... Josh... you ok?" "Yeah. I'm... I'm just great... uhhh..." I stuttered, trying to find something to say. Just as I thought I'd found myself, He looked up at me and his emerald eyes locked on mine. "Are you ok? For real." "I think so... it's new territory for me." He smiled and all the anxiety left me, "Same here. It's gonna be fun to explore together, though." He bit his lip and looked away, "Bad choice of words there..." I watched as he pushed up off of me and sat back onto his own sleeping bag. He was wearing his swimsuit still and as he leaned back to rummage through his back, I could make out the dark outline of his manhood. I looked away quickly and rubbed the last sleep from my eyes and I sat up. Chris yanked a red t-shirt out of his bag and pulled it on over his head. He yawned and ran his fingers through his hair and it was a truly mesmirizing sight. He looked at me and I could tell that he was thinking hard about something. "Josh, I think that we should, you know... talk about stuff. Like what we said last night..." He trailed off and began to pick at his thumbnail, "I mean, I just want to know if you... if you feel the same way for real." "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't feel that way. I'm just worried about what could happen if anyone knew or found out. Does anyone know about you?" "My dad. I told him almost as soon as I started feeling the way I do. He knows how I feel about you..." "I just hope he won't tell my parents. If they found out, I'd get kicked out of my house and all sorts of shit." "He won't. He's really cool about it. The only real thing he cares about is that we don't rush things or anything. He said to me that as long as we both want to do what we do, it's ok by him." This was too much. I rubbed my eyes again and took a deep breath. All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind as I sat there in that sweltering tent. Everytime I worried about him breaking my heart or betraying me and just about every other concern I had was rushing through me at that point. "So..." Chris hesitated, "Does this mean we're a couple?" I couldn't help but laugh as I nodded, "Yes, it does." "We will tell people someday, right? But not yet. Not when they can't be mature enough to handle it." "Exactly. It isn't really their buisness." He smiled and playfully nudged me with his foot, "So what should we do first? We're a hundred miles from L.A. and we understand each other better now. And... you need a shower." "Excuse me? I need a shower? Are you saying that--" "Yes. Last night my face was all up in your pit. It was like having my face buried in a cottage cheese factory." We both nearly hyperventilated from laughing so hard. I tossed my pillow at him, and of course he overreacted as if I had shot him. "Swimming?" I suggested. "Dope. Let's go." As we climbed out of the tent, we saw his dad sitting at the picnic table thumbing through some papers. I had to fight to look him in the eye. He looked up when he saw us, "How did you guys sleep?" "Really well." Chris said, smiling like a doofus. "Is everything ok?" "Everything's perfect, dad. We're gonna go swimming." Chris said and threw his arm around my shoulder. As soon as we were a safe distance away from the campsite, I exhaled deeply. "I told you he'd be cool with it. Everything is gonna be fine, Josh. Please try to chill out. For me." This was too good to be true. And I had to say it again, the kid was just so damn cute that I could barely stand it. Chapter 16- The car pulled up outside my house and I found myself so reluctant to get out. I took a deep breath and grabbed my junk from the back of the car and stepped out. Chris got out with me and we walked up the front path to my house. It was about six in the evening and too warm for my tastes. "So.... are you ok?" Chris asked. "Yeah, I'm great. I just feel kinda... lost. I don't know how else to say it." I stumbled over my words... "I feel the same way but we have to go at our own pace. And right now, we need to take it slow still." I could only smile. He made me feel so good. "You want me to call you? Call me?" "Yeah, give me call about noon tommorow, maybe. We can figure something out." He smiled, "Cool Josh. I'll talk to you tommorow, then." With that, he hesitated and then kissed me on the cheek!! I nearly passed out! He smiled and took off for the car and left me there nearly comatose. I couldn't believe what had just happened. My dream guy had actually KISSED me. This was too good to be true. I felt like I was floating on cloud nine as I picked up my camping gear and drifted in the door. Jason was sitting on the living room couch as I came in. "Hey retard. Did that fag give you AIDS?" I stopped and thought about what he just said to me. Normally, I would have ran over there and beat the snot out of him and made him regret it. But there was something different this time. It was though I didn't need to beat him up to know that I was better. It was like I knew that I'm cool and I didn't need his approval, or something... "You know, Jason. It's sad that you can't distinguish the feelings of two young people between full out sexual intercourse and platonic companionship. I guess that's why no girl in her right mind would ever touch your milimeter peter, huh?" I chuckled and strolled lesiurely up to my room. Behind me, I could hear Jason shout, "When I think of a kickass comeback for that, you better get your ass down here!" Chapter 17- I woke up the next day at about five in the morning. After an ice cold shower, I went for about a fifteen mile run. Then after another cold shower, went out in the driveway and shot hoops for about forty five minutes. Then I took another cold shower. After that, I tried to watch TV, but it didn't work too well. So I took another cold shower. * * * God, I hate Sally Jessy Raphael. Her damn shows about "bad kids" get to be just a little much sometimes. I sat there and thought about all the people I knew who could use some time in a "boot camp." The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was surrounded by them. I was surrounded by homophobes and idiots who couldn't handle responsibility if it bit them in the ass. How disgusting. * * * The rest of the morning was spent in my room. I idly passed the time by seeing how far out my window I could spit. I tried to say the alphabet backwards but it gave me a headache so I cut it out. At about 12:30, I had begun to get worried. I tried to draw something but I just couldn't concentrate. It was starting to eat away at me and only one thing could help. Everything I tried to do to relax wasn't working and all I could think about was what had happened with Chris over the weekend. Pulling myself up off the bed, I sat by the window and looked outside. It was a drab day and there were dark rain clouds coming in off the ocean. I was feeling quite a bit of innerturmoil. I began to think and question myself as I sat there and wondered. Did I have a problem? Did "they" have a problem? Did.... "we" have a problem? What would happen? And on and on and on... I must have been dozing or sleeping or somewhere inbetween the two because I didn't even hear the knock at the door... To be Continued.... === M.B.H. Jr. ICQ: 26905581 "Though nothing will drive them away, we can heroes, if just for one day." -David Bowie/The Wallflowers "Coz even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you baby, And I don't wanna miss a thing." -Aerosmith