Date: Mon, 11 Apr 2011 14:04:08 -0500
From: Aaron Saxon <a.saxon1122@gmail.com>
Subject: School Daze - Chapter 2; gay male/high school

We pulled up into the parking lot of Providence High School. My stomach
started to get queasy, I began to sweat and I had a lump in my throat the
size of a jaw breaker. Shawn parked the car looking back at me.

Getting out I said, "I can't do this, I'm not ready guys." "Come on Kevin,
we'll be with you every step of the way." I didn't get a chance to protest
any further as I was pulled out of the car. A few of the students who were
in the quad outside stared in disbelief and whispered amongst themselves.

I knew that no one could go with me as I went to see the vice principal
Mr. Robert Doyle.  Entering the principals office, I was greeted warmly by
the receptionist that had to take a double take, she couldn't believe it
was me. "Kevin, is that you dear boy?" "Yes, Ms. Klein, it's me." She ran
from behind the counter and pulled me into a deep hug. A few moments later
we heard an "Ahem," from behind us. It was the vice principal. He was a
tall black man about 6`4", who seemed to have lost a lot of weight since I
saw him last, with thinning hair on top and some grey in his beard. "Kevin,
please come in." I tried to tell myself that I was strong and that I could
do this. "Oh, who was I kidding, I'm a nervous wreck," I thought to myself.

I'm not going to bore you with the conversation we had, but needless to
say, I had to agree to complete the school year as it was and go to summer
school so I was eligible to be a senior next year and graduate high
school. "Ugh, summer school? Really? There goes my summer with Ed," I
thought to myself.

For the rest of the day I had people oohing and aahhing about my sudden
return from the dead. It seemed to go by in a blur, because before I knew
it the last bell rang at 2:55 pm.

I went to my locker feeling pretty good until...I felt a shove from behind
me and someone yelled, "Watch it FAG!" I never did see who it was. Before I
could even think, John came up by me and saw that I looked visibly
shaken. "What's wrong bro?" He asked. "Sss-someone just came up behind me
and shoved yelling, "watch it fag" at me. I don't usually stutter, but I
was upset by the comment. Just then, Shawn and Gus showed up. "Ready to go-
uh oh, what's happened?" I recounted what happened and all three balled
their fists in frustration ready to fight. I just stood there stunned at
how much of a change there was in John.

Before I could break down and embarrass myself on my first day back, Shawn,
Gus and my brother John ushered me out of the building. Shielding me as
much as possible, I was placed in the car as we sped away. I couldn't hold
it in any longer, I just let it all out. I started to sob uncontrollably in
the back seat. John was seated next to me. He threw his arm around my
shoulders and pulled me against him, letting me cry. He never let go of me
the whole ride home. I had to know, so I asked John just as we pulled into
our driveway, "You really don't hate me anymore?" Shawn and Gus turned
around looking at John. "No, Kevin I don't and I never should have." "Why?
What's changed?" I asked him confused by his statement. "I thought you were
the reason that mom left us, but then dad told me the real reason." "Which
is?" "Mom was having an affair and they were fighting when she walked out."
My mouth dropped open, so did Shawn's and Gus'. "Come on guys, dad's going
to be home in about an hour, let's go in a hang out until then." John
commanded with such authority.

After about 15 minutes, Ed called me. "Hi, Kevin, how was your first day
back?" He asked.  "Um...well it was good until someone shoved me from
behind and called me a fag." I retorted.  "OMG Kevin, are you alright?"
"I'm better, thanks to John." "John? What did he do?" "He got me out of
school before I broke down and held onto me all the way home." "Wow, quite
a 180 from a few weeks ago." "Yea, I know, he doesn't hate me anymore."
"That's great baby, but what's changed?" "Well, he thought that I was the
reason that our mom left but dad set him straight." "I set who straight?"
Our dad asked, entering the room. I quickly explained about our mother's
affair and the subsequent fight that led to her leaving to Edwin. Our
father came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder squeezing it and
then leaning down and kissing my forehead. "Ed, my father just got home,
can I call you a bit later?" "Sure babe, whatever you need?" "Ok, I'll call
you in a bit."

We hung up and John turned to our father asking, "Dad, you're home early,
is everything okay?" "Yes, I just told my boss I needed to be home for my
boys. So how was your first day back Kevin?"  I quickly explained what had
happened to dad and he came back over to me and embraced me. I felt like
such a baby, but I was never made to feel like one. It felt good to be held
by our father. "Are you boys hungry?" My dad asked. In unison we all
answered, "Yea." We settled on pizza, one of our favorites. About an hour
later it arrived. We ate and then Shawn and Gus had to get going because
they had homework to do and unfortunately, so did I.

I didn't have that much homework to do since it was my first day back, so I
finished it quickly. I then decided to call Ed. But all I got was his
voicemail, so I left him a quick message when I heard a knock on the
door. I said to whoever was there to come in. It was both Jamie and John.

They came over and sat on my bed next to me. I felt really lucky to have
them both in my life and our dad. I wasn't hated after all, I thought to
myself. "Hello, earth to Kevin," John said to me waving his hand in front
of my face. "Huh, wha-" I said. "Where'd you go Kevin?" John said looking
at me with a raised eyebrow. "Um, nowhere, I was just thinking how lucky I
am." "You are lucky, big bro." Jamie chimed in wrapping his arms around my
neck. My eyes began to tear up as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed
his forehead. "Hey, what about me?" John asked with a grin. "Come here, ya
big lug." I said. We all embraced for about 10 minutes when our father
walked by and saw us. He stood there for several moments watching us with
tears in his eyes.  He creaked the door open and walked over to us. "I'm
such a lucky man. I finally have all my family back." Our father said
looking at us. He embraced the three of us and then sat down watching
us. It was about 10:30 when our father broke in and said that it was past
Jamie's bed time. "Aww, do I have to daddy?" Jamie pleaded with our
dad. "Yes, Jamie, you have school in the morning and so do John and Kevin."

They exited my room and then I decided to try Ed again. This time he
answered, but he seemed out of sorts. "Hi, Ed its me, are you alright?"
"Hi, Kevin, yea, I'm alright, I was just sleeping. I have to get up early
in the morning for work." "Oh, I'm sorry I woke you, I just wanted to hear
your voice before I went to bed and tell you I love you."  "It's ok babe, I
love you too." There was silence for a moment when I heard a voice in the
background say, "Who is that babe?" "Ed, who was that? Are you cheating on
me with someone else?" There was again silence. "Ed, I asked you a
question." My voice starting to crack. "Kevin, its not that simple."
"What's not that simple? You're supposed to be my boyfriend and you're
screwing around with someone else behind my back?" I continued. "I don't
want to hear any of your lame excuses Ed, we're through!" I hung the phone
up and began to sob uncontrollably. I didn't even look up to see that my
dad was standing over me. "Son, what's wrong?" he had his hands on my
shoulders. "Ed is cheating on me with someone else!" "How do you know son?"
He asked me. "Because I heard someone in the background of our conversation
ask, "who is that babe?" Getting very red in the face, my father said,
"I'll kill him for hurting my little boy." "I'm not that little anymore
dad, and please don't, I just need to forget about him." "Ok, son, whatever
you think is best." He just sat there rocking me and rubbing my face and
head until I eventually fell asleep.

Before I knew it the alarm on my bedside table was going off. It was 6:30
and time for me to begin another day. I noticed my phone come on and saw
about 10 text messages and 4 voicemails from Ed. I ignored the text
messages but decided to listen to the voicemails. He was apologizing
profusely for his behavior, saying how inexcusable it was. God I wanted to
forgive him, but how could I after how he'd hurt me?

I couldn't feel sorry for myself, even how much this sucked, I had my
family by my side and most importantly, John no longer hated me. I smiled a
little thinking about that.

I decided about a quarter to 7 that it was time to get up and ready for the
day. I took a good long shower and before I knew it, it was a quarter past
7. I got out of the shower and looked at myself in the mirror and wasn't
disgusted by what I saw staring back at me. I was happy with what I saw for
the very first time. There came a knock on the bathroom door. "Kevin, quit
jacking off," John joked, "and get downstairs, dad wants us to eat
breakfast before we go to school." Turning red I shot back, "I'm not doing
that!" "Yea, right." is all I heard as I exited my bathroom and entered my
room. I wanted to dress kind of nice today, so I selected a graphic t-shirt
and my favorite pair of blue jeans. I just messed my hair up since I didn't
have that much time and went downstairs.

As I entered, everyone had frowns on their faces. I knew that dad had told
John and Jamie about last night. I tried to scowl, but how could I be mad
at him? He was looking out for me and it appeared my bros wanted to do the
same. With tears in my eyes we hugged and then sat down and ate. My dad had
to rush off to work because his boss needed him on an important insurance
claim and a potential new client. We embraced one last time as he ran out
the door.

Next it was our turn to go. We wouldn't be driving with Shawn and Gus this
morning as they wanted to spend some time alone together.

John, Jamie and I grabbed our bags and headed for the door. John started up
his car and away we were. First we dropped off Jamie and wished him a good
day. He hugged me before he ran towards the school. I saw him interacting
with a couple boys he knew as we pulled away. "Hey Jamie, wasn't that your
fag brother I saw you hugging?" "He's not a fag! Don't call him that! And
yes, I was hugging him because I love him!" All they could say was, " Jeez,
Jamie, we didn't mean anything by it. We were just trying to fit in."
"Well, if you want to stay my friend, you'll never use that word again!"
"Okay, Jamie, we won't." "Good."

We were almost late for school as we pulled up. No one was in the quad. I
was actually relieved that I didn't have to see anyone. We entered together
and went for our lockers. John never left my side, even if it made him late
to class. As the second warning bell rang, we said our goodbyes and ran to
class.

First period was boring, second period was boring and third period was
boring. All I could think about was how hurt I felt at Ed's betrayal. "How
could he do this to me?" I thought to myself. Finally the bell rang and I
realized I'd spent all period not even paying attention. I quickly jotted
down the assignment and left the room.

When I entered the cafeteria, I heard some whispering as I walked by a few
tables and could hear the faint word `fag' being said. I balled up my fist
in anger, just as John, Shawn and Gus came up to me. They looked at me with
concern on their faces. "What's wrong, Kev?" Gus asked before either Shawn
or John could. "I heard the word `fag' get used as I walked by a few
tables." The three of them calmed me down by putting their hands on my
shoulders and ushering me to a table after we got our food.

A couple of the basketball players motioned for John to join them but he
shook his head at them. To our surprise, they got up from their usual table
and came over to sit with us. The other players seemed disgusted by this,
but they didn't seem to care. Charlie and Mike sat in silence for a moment
and then turned to me saying, "Were really sorry Kevin." I had a confused
look on my face. "We used to agree with John and the other players that you
were a fag, but we never had a problem with you being gay. We even urged
John to make things right with you." "Wow, guys it's okay, John and I are
getting better. So, (gulp) you guys don't hate me?" "No, Kevin, we never
did." With this out in the open and out of the way, we started to talk and
catch up.

The bell ending lunch rang about 20 minutes later and we headed our
separate ways, but we said we'd meet up later and hang out.  Shawn, Gus,
John and I headed to gym as Mike and Charlie headed to biology class.

"Well look what the cat dragged in, it's the fag crew."

I'd never seen that boy before that I could remember, but I knew that some
of my memory was lost because of the accident.  "What are you looking at
fag?" I still couldn't place him, and I didn't even notice them balling up
their fists ready to pounce. Then it came to me. It suddenly came to me who
it was: Evan Richards! That's who this asshole was! I still couldn't
remember anything else about him, but I also found myself balling my fists
in anger. Nothing more was said or done because the coach came in and told
us to break it up. I had a feeling he was going to be trouble. He glared at
me several times but I stayed away from him all period. The coach let us
have a free period to do what we wanted. I wanted to go to the weight room,
so that's where we went, while Evan and his buddies played b-ball.

Thankfully after gym class the last three periods of the day went by
without a hitch. The bell rang at 2:55 and I ran for my locker. I sighed,
"Thank god another day is done." I thought to myself. John showed up a few
minutes later with Shawn and Gus. Mike and Charlie met us at the front
door. They wanted to know if we wanted to hang out this weekend. Part of me
wanted to agree but a bigger part of me smelled a set up. I told them I'd
think about it. I knew that Shawn and Gus wouldn't let anything happen to
me, but I still felt a little uneasy about John and didn't trust Mike and
Charlie yet.

After a couple of days of avoiding Ed, I knew I had to tell him we were
officially done and tell him to leave me alone. So, when I was alone Friday
night I called him. He was just headed out when I caught him. "Hi, Ed." I
said.  "Kevin, it's so good to hear your voice. Does this mean you've
forgiven me now?" "No, Ed, it doesn't. You've hurt me very badly. I don't
want to see you anymore." He only said one word to me, "Okay." And then
hung up. He started bawling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I screwed up royally. I let my hormones get the best of me and had a one
night stand with someone. Kevin called me as I was in bed with him. I told
him to remain quiet because I'd already ignored one of his calls and I
couldn't do it again. Of course, I should've known that he wouldn't keep
his mouth shut! Kevin heard him say, "who is that, babe?" And I knew Kevin
knew what I'd done. I tried to cover but I couldn't. I wanted to explain,
but he wouldn't let me and after several days he called me and ended it. I
had single handedly messed up the best relationship I have ever had in my
young life for a one night stand. I was so horny and Kevin lived 3 hours
away. That's how I justified it in my own mind.

I no longer felt like going out for the night, so I called my friends and
told them I didn't feel good. All I wanted to do was run to Kevin and beg
his forgiveness. I decided that since I couldn't drive to San Antonio
because I had to work in the morning, I would call Kevin. At first he
wouldn't answer my call, but after the fifth try he picked up.

I could tell he'd been crying. "What do you want?"  He cried out into the
phone. "Kevin, I know you're upset with me, but I still love you and I
always will. I can't leave things like this." "You love me?! If you loved
me, you wouldn't have cheated on me!" "I know and I'm sorry I hurt you!
Please don't end things! I'll earn back your trust, I promise." "I can't do
this right now, Ed, please just give me some time." With a little bit of
hope in his voice, he said, "Okay. I'll give you some time." "Good night,
Ed." "Good night, Kevin."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That night I cried myself to sleep. There was a thunderstorm that night and
as I was drifting off to sleep, Jamie came in as he always did when a
thunderstorm started and hopped in bed with me. He cuddled himself close to
me and we slept all night like that.

 When I woke up Saturday morning to Jamie stirring all I could think was
how much I didn't want to think about Ed or how much he'd hurt me. I just
laid there and started to cry to myself. I was going to spend most of
Saturday doing that. Nothing could be done about it, no matter how hard I
tried.

I ignored Carter's and Shawn's calls all day long. I just couldn't face
them how I was.

About 3 pm Saturday afternoon, the doorbell rang. John was out and our dad
was working at that big insurance claim at work. Jamie was downstairs
watching TV and got up to answer it. He welcomed Carter with open
arms. Carter leaned down and embraced Jamie. "Hey, little man, is Kevin
here?" He looked up at Carter sheepishly and said, "Yea, he's upstairs in
his room. He won't come out or anything. I'm really worried about him
Carter." "Let me take care of this little man, okay?" "Okay, Carter, if you
think you can." Carter rubbed his hands through Jamie's hair and turned to
ascend the staircase.

My door was the second on the right. When Carter got to it he knocked. At
first I didn't answer. He knocked a little more forcefully the second
time. After a second no answer, he banged on it, startling me. "Who is it?"
I asked. "Kevin, it's me Carter, can I come in?" "Please, just go away
Carter, I don't want to see anyone right now."  "Kevin, you're my best
friend, I'm not going away, not when you're in so much pain."  I knew he
was right. He is my best friend. So, forcefully, I got up off my bed and
walked to door unlocking it. When Carter heard the click of the lock
unlocking, he turned the knob and pushed the door open. Before I could
move, the door swung back and hit me in the forehead. "Owww!" I yelled out
in pain. Jamie came running upstairs when he heard me yell out. "What
happened?" He asked, standing in my doorway now. Carter explained, "After
Kevin unlocked his door, I pushed the door open and it hit him in his
forehead." I was sitting on the bed holding my head with tears in my eyes
and feeling like the room was spinning. "Jamie, go get some ice, hurry."
Jamie hurried off as Carter came over putting his arms around my shoulder
and said, "Lie down, Kevin, you took a nasty bump to the head." A few
minutes later Jamie came back into my room and Carter took the bag of ice
and placed it on my head. It was way too cold for me but Carter refused to
remove it from my head and he told me to not open my eyes.

I slept for several hours, okay more like about 5 hours I was told after I
woke up.  At first I couldn't focus my eyes, so I had no idea who I was
looking at. After about 10 minutes, I could finally focus and I saw that my
dad was sitting on my bed and Jamie was sitting in my desk chair. "Wha-dad,
what are you doing here? What happened?" I asked feeling very confused and
my head pounding. "Don't worry about that now," my father said. "Just rest
now."

It was late at night when I finally woke up. I heard some noise from
downstairs and decided to go downstairs and see what the commotion was
about. It was Edwin. He and my father were arguing. I walked into the
living room and yelled, "Stop it! The both of you!" This caught the both of
them off guard. "Dad, you sit and Ed, you come with me." I stated plainly.

I took Edwin with me and out the back to our porch. Turning to face him I
asked, "What are you doing here?" "You wouldn't answer you're phone and
neither would your father so I got worried and drove here after work."
"Well, you can see I'm fine Ed, I just had a little bump to the head and my
father wanted me to just rest." "That's more than a little bump," he said,
"that's a pretty major bruise forming." He reached out to touch it, but I
winced in pain and pulled away from him. "You lost the right to touch me
when you cheated on me." I said through tear stained eyes. He wanted to
comfort me, but I wouldn't let him. I continued to back away from him and
as I was about to lose my balance, he reached out and caught me before I
could fall. He held me like that for several minutes, us just looking into
each others eyes. I went to push him away, but he just held me closer,
tighter against him.

"I'm sorry Kevin, there is no excuse for what I did. Please let me try to
make it up to you." Edwin said with more emotion than I'd ever seen him
show. "I don't think I can right now, Ed, I'm still very hurt and upset
with you."  But actually inside I wanted to throw my arms around him and
kiss him, but my mind wouldn't let me. I was glad that I decided to lead
with my head, and not the one between my legs...pervs. Instead of my
heart. "Does this mean you're going to cut me out of your life completely?"
"Ed, you are the reason I'm standing here right now, so no I could never
cut you out of my life completely, I just can't be with you right now." His
face began to soften as I said this. I looked at him questioningly, but he
just grinned and kissed my cheek. "Do you feel better?" Edwin asked me. "A
little." I replied. "Good, now I hate to cut and run but I've have to get
going, I have to work today." I didn't even realize it was well after
midnight and I had school in about 6 hours.

I walked Edwin out to his car and wished him a safe trip back to Houston. I
let him kiss me on the cheek again, but nothing else. I just hugged him and
said, "We'll talk again soon, okay?" He just nodded and I watched as pulled
out of the driveway and out of sight.


I wanted to take a moment and thank a couple of readers, you know who are,
for giving me the motivation I needed to continue this story. I hope ya'll
are enjoying it.