Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2015 09:09:37 +0800
From: Fritz Diantan <theadlaotribe@gmail.com>
Subject: Falling for a Straight Guy Chapter 11

Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. It involves romantic
and/or sexual relationship between males. If you are offended of this
subject matter, if you are a minor, or if you are in a place where it is
illegal to read this type of literature, please stop reading now.

Copyright © 2008, 2014 by Fritz Diantan Ilagan. All Rights
Reserved. Except as permitted under the law, no part of this publication
may be reproduced without the prior written permission of the Author.

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Falling for a Straight Guy
Chapter Eleven: Healing


Dave sat quietly, feeling vulnerable than he had ever been before.

"Hello, Dave. I'm Dr. Chelsea Pietro. Your mom told me that you had a
challenging time these past few months," said the doctor, smiling
sympathetically.

Looking at his therapist, Dave tried to read what was going on inside her
mind as she stared back at him. But it was like being in front of a
sphinx... or maybe he was just over-thinking things as always.

"Yes. I guess," said Dave. "I'm sorry. I'm not really sure how this work."

"It's okay. We're just here to talk. You can tell me whatever you
want... your concerns or problems. Everything you tell me will be
confidential, even to your mother."

"Um... okay."

"How about we start with your friends? How do you feel about them?"

Faces of Paul and Belinda flashed on Dave's mind as he heard the word
'friends' and then Daniel's followed which made him smile.

"Some of them are great. Paul and Belinda stick with me through everything
and I just patched up things with Daniel," said Dave but his smile
wavered. "But the others... we just drifted apart."

"Why?" asked Dr. Pietro.

Dave's heart started pounding as he remembered that day when Ferdinand,
Marcelo, and the others confronted him, their faces full of disappointment
and distrust.

"They left me behind," said Dave softly. "They thought I betrayed them
because I didn't tell them first that I was attracted to another guy. That
I should have told them before others knew because we were friends and so I
was a liar. They said I wasn't the person that they knew so they pushed me
away."

"Do you think you've betrayed them?"

"No," said Dave defiantly. "I didn't understand what my feelings meant
then, even now I'm still confused. It's the first time I felt that way
towards another person so I didn't know how or what to tell them. And I was
scared too... of what could happen if I tell anyone."

Looking down, Dave listened to the quiet scratching of the pen on paper as
Dr. Pietro noted what he said.

"How do you feel now that you're not friends with them anymore?" asked the
doctor.

"Frustrated," Dave said laughing bitterly. "I miss them a lot. I know why
they felt betrayed or disappointed because they just don't understand the
whole situation. But I'm also angry and hurt... they let me go. They made
me feel abandoned... I'm always the one who gets left behind."

He did not notice the first drop but saw it fall to his lap. Dave wiped his
face, feeling embarrassed to be crying in front of the therapist but he
could not stop his tears.

"And the frustrating thing is I feel guilty about being angry with them
because I understand where they're coming from. I feel like I'm a bad
person because despite knowing how they feel, I'm still furious with
them. But I also ask myself, am I not entitled to feel this way? I feel
like if I let go what they did, I'll be betraying myself. I SHOULD be
angry, right? Because they... gave up on me.

"But why do I feel like... I didn't fight hard enough? That I'm also
abandoning them?"

"Dave, I can see that you are a very bright young man," said
Dr. Pietro. "But sometimes when it comes to relationships, logic do not
apply. Being angry is not a crime or makes you a bad person. It just means
you are hurt because you love your friends. And loving them, wanting to
give them another chance is never a bad thing or a betrayal to yourself. It
is grace. Give your friends a piece of your mind. Tell them how you
feel. Do what you think is the right thing to do."

"But what if they don't listen or don't believe me?"

"Never blame yourself for not being able to change how other people see
you. Maybe they need more time or maybe that's just the way they are. Just
because others see you a certain way does not make it true. Letting go of
people is hard and painful but sometimes, necessary to remain compassionate
to ourselves. Not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime. You cannot
let yourself hurt forever for others or you'll risk becoming numb. And just
because you are getting used to the pain does not mean you are healing."

***

"Yo Dave, we went to your house on Saturday afternoon but your mom said you
were out," said Paul. "We thought maybe we could watch a movie and hang."

"I saw a therapist that day," said Dave, before taking a bite of his lunch.

"Therapist?" asked Belinda, confused.

"A shrink."

"Oh. How'd it go?"

Despite his initial trepidation, Dave learned a lot after his first therapy
session. The perspectives that Dr. Pietro raised made Dave realize a lot of
things, most of which he already knew but too preoccupied sorting things
out all at once that his mind was overwhelmed. It was a conversation he
never experienced before... he thought the doctor will tell him what to do
but instead, everything was still his choice and Dr. Pietro just had to
point out the different directions he can take.

"It was great. I learned a lot."

Just then, Dave saw Jaypee sitting in another table with a group of
athletes instead with the rest of the gang. It was strange because Jaypee
and Jemma were usually inseparable. Looking around, he found Jemma with the
rest of the girls but it was obvious something was wrong. She looked so
depressed Dave could almost see a dark-smoky aura surrounding Jemma.

"What's up with Jaypee and Jemma?" asked Dave quietly. "Why're they sitting
apart?"

Belinda frowned a little.

"Mr. Garcia, I didn't know you were into gossip?" she said, pointing her
fork at him.

"I'm not. I was just... you know..." started Dave.

"Concerned?" offered Paul, with a grin.

"Yeah." Dave smiled.

"I'm not really sure," said Belinda. "Jemma won't tell me what happened but
she did hint that they have a big problem. Something serious."

"You don't think they're breaking up?" asked Paul.

"I honestly don't know," she said. "I hope not."

Dave kept his first thought to himself as he watched the once 'it' couple
of their group. Jaypee and Jemma had been together for years and he knew
they genuinely love each other, unlike many among their peers who change
partners whenever there was a new flavor of the month. To see such sadness
in Jemma's face made Dave decide that it was time for him to act and give
reconciliation a chance.

***

He was in the zone as he felt the pen glide on the rough texture of the
paper. Full sentences formed inside his head even before conscious
thought... it was as if he was not a writer but a transcriber, to serve as
a conduit so that intangible ideas and abstract thought can take form in
the physical world. Dave rarely wrote this way anymore but somehow, today
of all days, his mind had never been clearer. So, he set the words free by
letting them take their own shape.

Around him were his fellow Heralds, all focused at the tasked at hand. It
was the day for the journalism club's adviser to decide who will be
participating in the individual contests for the City High Schools Press
Conference. At the moment, they were in a mini-competition where the
Heralds must write an article, draw a cartoon, or shoot a photo essay
depending on what section they want to represent (News, Editorial, Feature,
Sports, Copyreading, Photojournalism, and Editorial Cartooning). The Herald
adviser together with some other teachers will then judge their works and
choose the school's representatives.

Dave submitted his article together with the other writers of Herald. Their
adviser took the stack of papers and went to see the other teachers who
volunteered to judge who will be the school's representatives this year for
the Press Conference. Dave was satisfied with his work but he started to
feel nervous. He participated in the city and regional press conferences
last year and it would be great to do so again. It will take at least
thirty minutes for the judges to decide and most of the Herald staff passed
the time by idly playing with their phones or chatting with each other.

In a few months, he will be graduating and as Dave watched his club-mates
laugh and joke with each other, he felt disconnected. Some of them were
underclassmen and have a few more years to enjoy high school. But for him
and the rest of the seniors, on the other hand, this was their last year. A
few chairs from him, Dave noticed Daniel looking at a book, flipping the
pages one after the other absentmindedly.

"Psst, I didn't know you're a super fast reader?" asked Dave quietly.

Daniel looked up and smiled.

"Just nervous, I guess," he said. "I really want to go to the Press Con. To
at least, have a great story to tell when I'm wrinkly and gray."

"I know what you mean. I'm nervous too."

"You? Why? I read your articles... you're a freakin' genius."

"Tsk. I'm an overachiever, not a genius," said Dave, dismissing the
compliment. "It's different. I had a day or two to write those articles for
the paper, not an hour during a contest. But not getting picked has an
upside too."

"What?" asked Daniel.

"The week after the Press Con is a quarterly exam week. If I don't get to
go, at least I'll have more time to review for tests."

Daniel looked at Dave then shook his head slightly.

"Only you can see reviewing for exams as a silver-lining."

Just then, the Herald adviser entered the HQ and almost immediately, the
room was silent.

"Que sera sera," whispered Daniel, glancing sideways to Dave.

"Que sera sera," Dave whispered back.

The names of chosen representatives were announced and everyone
clapped. The Herald adviser told them the details of the Press Conference
before leaving the room. As the staffers began to leave and congratulate
those who were picked, Dave looked at Daniel and saw his friend's head
looking down in the ground.

"Are you okay?" said Dave.

"No... I don't know. What if I lose?" said Daniel, a hint of panic in his
voice.

"What happened to 'que sera sera'?"

"I was pretending... to sound cool!"

Dave laughed and Daniel started to smile as well, though nervously at first
then followed by an expression of genuine happiness.

"I'm going to the Press Con..." said Daniel as though testing the sentence.

"You're going to the Press Con," said Dave more confidently.

"We are."

They walked out of the HQ and Dave locked the door. As they went down the
stairs, Dave could not help but continue smiling. He felt happy for being
chosen again but he was also proud of Daniel. Then, Dave's mind wandered as
he imagined the both of them spending the whole Conference together... and
he started to blush slightly when he noticed Daniel smiling at him.

'Was he thinking about me too?' Dave thought to himself. 'Don't be an
idiot, of course not. He's just a... smiley-guy.'

"What?" asked Dave.

"It's just great... to see you smiling like that again," said Daniel.

"Well, you have funny-looking face."

"Oh and he jokes now too."

"Who said I'm joking?" said Dave, as seriously as possible.

Daniel's smile drop as he looked down to the ground, his eyebrows knitted
slightly. Dave was about to apologize when Daniel's face rose slowly with a
puppy-look so adorable and sexy it took his breath away. Daniel's eyes
seemed to glow with golden streaks, reflecting the rays of the sunset.

"Do you really think I look weird?" asked Daniel insecurely.

"No! I... was just... it was a joke," said Dave, swallowing hard. He felt
bad but used all of his willpower to resist reaching out and touching
Daniel's face to comfort him.

Then, a wide grin appeared on Daniel's face, his eyes twinkling.

"Gotcha!"

Dave blinked several times before realizing what just happened.

"Oww!" said Daniel while rubbing his shoulder though Dave did not do any
real damage.

"What a tease," said Dave under his breath as he continued descending the
stairs.

"Did you say something?"

"I said, 'how's your piece?' Your article? Did you have trouble writing
it?" said Dave quickly.

"I think I did okay... though I'm not really a good critique of my own
work," said Daniel after catching up with his friend's stride. "For a
second, I thought you said 'want a kiss.'"

"What?!" said Dave loudly. But before he could say more, Daniel grabbed him
and gave him a tight hug.

"Thank you, Dave," whispered Daniel as he tightened the embrace. "For
letting me join the Herald."

Dave stood paralyzed as he felt Daniel's lips touched his cheek. He heart
pounded so loudly that he was sure his friend could hear it as well. The
hug and the kiss lasted for only a few seconds and when they parted, Dave
saw Daniel's eyes were glazed a bit.

"You're welcome," said Dave softly.

He looked around hoping no one saw the display of affection. The stairs was
empty now that it was the end of the day and it seemed students do not want
to hang around the school for more than necessary nowadays.

As they exited the school gates and went their separate directions, Dave
touched his cheek, the sensation of Daniel's kiss still fresh on his skin.

'He is such an impulsive idiot,' Dave thought with a smile. 'And I'm a
bigger idiot for continue hoping.'

***

Sipping his coffee as he waited to pass time until his session, Dave
observed at the activity around him. The coffee shop beside the hospital
was packed with a variety of people. There were college students discussing
some type of project, nurses and doctors out on breaking chatting about
overtime, and office workers looking haggard, in desperate need for their
caffeine fix.

Dave enjoyed watching people, their interactions, their clothes, how they
present themselves to each other. But the scene in front of him also made
him think about his future. The different careers in front of him triggered
some type of uncertainty as he realized he did not know what he wanted to
do with his life.

"Is it okay to join you?"

Dave blinked. He was so engrossed with his thoughts he did not realize
someone was talking to him.

"Huh?" asked Dave looking at the handsome young man.

"I asked if I can sit with you? All the other table's occupied."

"Okay."

Dave started to blush as the guy sat on the chair in front of him. The
young man was more handsome than Dave first realized. The thing that
captivated Dave the most was his eyes: light brown that show hints of
green... beautiful and kind.

"I remember you from the doctor's office. I'm Xander, by the way."

"Dave."

They shook hands and sipped their drinks for a moment, both watching the
crowd. Xander turned to Dave and smiled.

"How's it going with Dr. Pietro?"

"It's okay. It's my first time to get therapy so..." said Dave, defensively
as though trying to make sure the guy did not see him like some crazy
person.

"She's my second therapist myself. What you in for?" said Xander as he
sipped his coffee.

The question took Dave aback as he did not know exactly how to discuss his
mental health to a complete stranger. But there was something about Xander
and maybe it was their common ground that was making Dave want to share his
thoughts about therapy... something that his other friends or his family
will not truly understand. Plus, Xander's straight-forwardness was
refreshing to Dave as he thought this guy will not walk around eggshells
with him. It was somehow reassuring and almost disconcerting to feel so
comfortable to someone he just met.

"Sorry. I know that's nosy of me but it's okay if you don't want to talk
about it."

"No, it's okay," said Dave. "I had some issues about dealing... It's not
just one thing so, I'm not really sure how to answer your question."

"I get it. The first time I got on that couch, I did not realize how much I
needed it. But somehow it helped," said Xander. "You don't have to feel
ashamed though. If you ask me, I think more people should get their head
looked at nowadays. Did you just finished a session? Mine's in a few
hours."

"No. I finished my errands earlier than expected. My session's still in
half an hour-" Dave hesitated and he saw Xander smile.

"It's okay. I started it so you can ask," he said.

"You have issues too?" asked Dave.

"Yeah, well, more like circumstances," said Xander. "Two year ago, I got
sick which made me clinically depressed. I got it into my head that maybe
it was punishment from God or whatever for being gay. Then, my first
therapist got killed in a car accident, which was I riot because I thought
it was heaven's way of telling me I cannot be helped."

Dave's face looked so shock that Xander laughed softly.

"It's okay. Dr. Pietro deflated my ego a bit or whatever," he
continued. "Her first advice to me was I shouldn't think that the world's
problems revolves around me so I should pull my head out my ass."

"She actually said that?"

"She said it more diplomatically but that's the idea I got," said
Xander. "And she was right and it was the start of me focusing on the
problems I caused and can solve instead of worrying if I was Typhoid Mary."

Smiling hesitantly, Dave could not help but admire the guy candor was
something that he wanted to have himself. But there was also something
else... Xander's confidence when he said the g-word to describe himself
took Dave's breath away.

"You're gay," whispered Dave, like the word was a bomb.

Xander grinned.

"That's not a problem right?"

"No, of course not. I just... you're so..."

"Not I gay guy should look like?" offered Xander.

"Well, that but... what I meant to say is... you're so confident about it,"
said Dave.

Xander stared at Dave for a few seconds as though with a knowing smile.

"The truth sets me free and it also informs girls that I can't give them
what they want," said Xander then added, "Well, I could probably give it to
them but only if I'm really, really drunk."

They started laughing so hard that some people around the cafe turned to
their direction. Dave felt awesome... he never laughed so hard ever since
the darkness nearly consumed him that night.

"So, what course are you taking?" asked Xander when they got a hold of
themselves.

"Course?" said Dave, confused.

"You're in college, right?"

"No... I'm a high school senior."

"Oh, that's cool. I thought you were older."

There was no disappointment in Xander's voice but Dave sudden felt
insecure.

"But I'm graduating in a few months..." said Dave hastily, then blushed
slightly because he was not sure why he said it.

"So, what are you planning to take?"

"Not really sure yet. Maybe journalism or creative writing... I don't
know."

"I'm a ComSci major. My last year. Hope I could finish it though."

Though Xander said it nonchalantly, Dave heard a hint of uncertainty in his
voice.

A beeping sound from Dave's pocket got their attention and upon checking,
it was his phone alarm stating that his session will begin in five minutes.

"I have to go," said Dave, with a bit of disappointment.

"Can I have your number?" asked Xander as he offered his phone. "So, we can
have coffee again sometime."

Dave smiled and nodded. They exchanged numbers and walked out of the cafe
towards the hospital.

"I thought your session in a few more hours?" asked Dave wondering why
Xander got into the elevator with him.

"Yeah but I have a check up before I see Dr. Pietro."

"Oh, okay," said Dave as the elevator doors opened. "I'll see you around,
then."

"For sure," said Xander giving him that gorgeous grin and a casual salute.

Dave smiled back as the doors slid close. As he walk to Dr. Pietro's
office, Dave just realized something he completely missed about his
encounter with Xander.

'I think I just experienced my first pick up,' Dave thought as his smile
turned into a wide grin.

(To be continued...)

FROM THE AUTHOR:

I hope you enjoyed this more optimistic chapter.

I would like to apologize in advance... I may take a time off posting new
chapters for the first few weeks of January 2016. I know some of you will
most likely be disappointed with me but I regret to say that my borrowed
time is up. Getting a "day job" is a necessity or else, I'd have to hang my
keyboard for good. I'm really sorry but I will make certain this break will
not last more than a few weeks (unlike my "chapter-less year").

You can send in your comments or criticisms (or threats, for those who I
will most likely alienate with another hiatus) at theadlaotribe@gmail.com.
Don't worry, I can take it like man.

For those who continue to send their awesome emails, thank you so much. You
gents and ladies help keep me sane this past month and please know you have
my deepest gratitude.

If any of you want to help me buy instant coffee, please check out my
online shop: https://theadlaotribe.wordpress.com/shop

I created, conceptualized, and designed all the products there.  I still
need to lift some weights to be brawny enough to offer cam-on-cam sessions,
so that "product" may take awhile to be available (this is me lamely joking
hahaha).

For those who want to be notified of new chapter posting, please send me an
email (found below) or use the "follow button" found at the bottom of my
website: https://theadlaotribe.wordpress.com

Hope you had a better holiday and here's to a greater new year.

Best,
Fritz
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