Date: Sat, 18 Mar 2006 15:09:54 -0700
From: Samuel Forte' III <fallenangel595@hotmail.com>
Subject: finding andrew-chapter 21

** This story is a true story, telling of people and events that have taken
place in the last three to four years. I have the consent of the others who
are involved to use them, but no last names will be used for privacy
reasons. This story will focus around two people as they stumble upon each
during high school and find themselves falling for one another. They are
able to survive the trials, tribulations, and difficulties that are thrown
at them and from each other until everything comes to an abrupt end...All
rights to this story are mine (lol well it is based on MY experiences) so
no copying or publishing without my consent!**


                         Finding Andrew
             Chapter 21 - Making a Much Need Friend


     Waking up the next day, I felt like crap. I was tired, still all over
the place in my thoughts, and had no desire to do anything. I would have
been content with laying down in bed all day...too bad I had to go to
school. I spaced out during class wondering what to do with my
situation. Work actually went by pretty fast. There wasn't much for me to
do, but that would change quickly.

     At the Broadmoor store, Mike ended up leaving in the beginning part of
March for good.  That did a lot of things. First, it meant that I would be
seeing less of him which was a bad thing.  Like Justin, he was a voice of
reason for me. And with him being older, he gave great advice and insight
to things going on. I was really pissed and what made it worse was that I
would have to work at both stores which was really annoying. Open at mine
and close at the other. No one knew that I had cancer at that point and
trust me, the workload was killing me. It would be sixteen days in a row
until I got a day off and thankfully it was two in a row!

     Working at the other store was a pain truthfully. Seeing Tim almost
everyday did nothing to help that. When we worked together we never spoke a
word between us unless it was necessary. If he was in on a day off, he
usually would talk to Jake or Brian. It was like I wasn't there. Yea, I
screwed that one up. I knew it, but I also was fearful of one big thing. I
didn't want people to "find out" about me. Ever since Andrew's death, there
were a few things that I missed badly. The biggest was not having to be
alone. Now do understand what I mean by that. I'm not a clingy type of
person at all...well at least I try not to be. I don't always try to be in
a dating/sex relationship. I didn't mind being single. This was a little
harder to swallow though. Not having Andrew left me alone in that
regard. As time went on, I saw Tim being able to fill that void and it
scared me. I needed him as a friend more than anything, I didn't know if he
was gay/bi/bi- curious, and my policy of doing things (read into that
however you want) with friends. It may be (or still is...or was) a dumb
rule, but it was one I tried to keep. So could you see why I didn't really
want to be around Tim? Temptation. Risk vs reward. A deadly game that I
wanted no part of.

     Things kind of stayed in the same rut for the next couple of days
until I took family leave. My dad's mother was having triple bypass
surgery, and I helped him drive out there. This served a few purposes for
me. The main one being that it didn't make any sense for my dad to make a
16-hour drive all by himself. It also gave me some time away from my
problems within the state. A week away from my jobs, Tim, my friends, and
Mario would do me some good. The stay in California was everything I
expected it to be. The things I could do there kept my mind off of stuff at
home and the only time I really had to sit down and think was at
night. Things were pretty good until I got a text message in the middle of
the week. Brian informed me that Tim and Jake were both let go...I'm going
to go with age being the main reason why. Needless to say, that soured my
mood really quick. After sending a few angry messages his way and
apologizing after I got a grip of myself, I sat and wondered what would
happen now. I knew that I would see Jake every now and then. That was a
given. Tim was the one that really worried me. I really needed to patch
things up with him before he disappeared. And also, I knew that he was a
very sensitive guy.  Whoever said that real men don't cry is full of it. I
had seen him do it on two separate occasions: when his brother was being
sent overseas and when Mike left the store. As bad as it was to think it, I
thought this would be as good a time as ever to make things right.

     That chance would come on Saturday. He knew that I was back at "home"
so I was really surprised to get a call from him that day. I was at the
bowling alley playing in the arcade so I had no idea he called until I got
back to my Grandma's house. I saw the number on my cell phone and checked
the voicemail before figuring out my next move:

"Hey Sam. It's Tim. Just called to see how you were doing and how you've
been. You can call back at XXX-XXXX. Catch ya later, Sam...(click)."

     I played the message a few times before saving it. I suddenly became
very nervous. He actually WANTED to talk to me? After I shut him out? After
I acted as if he didn't exist? I had to call him back. I sat there with the
phone in my hands for about ten minutes before I finally dialed the number.

"Hello?"

"Hey man. It's me."

"What's up Sam...I didn't think you would call back." I felt bad that he
thought that. Of course, he had every right to believe that as well.

"...I know. But I at least owe this to you..."

"You don't owe me anything."

"Well actually I do. I want to apologize. I've felt bad that we haven't
been talking lately. Look, we've been good friends ever since we've met and
I don't want to lose that.  I don't want to lose anything or anyone
else. I've lost enough already this year." There was a long pause before he
said anything.

"I figured that. Ok, bud. Apology accepted...and stop grinning." He said
with a laugh. Yea, I had a big grin on my face. I don't think I had smiled
that hard in a long time.  It felt great.

"I'll try...but in all seriousness, we should hang out when I get back. My
treat."

"Ok, I'll come by the store and find out when you're working and we can
talk more in private. I have a few things to tell you."

"Really? Why don't you just tell me now?"

"I want to tell you in person."

"Uh, ok." We talked about general stuff over the next ten minutes. After we
said our goodbyes, I felt much better. That made the rest of the day go by
quick and that night, we left to head back to Colorado.

     We got back late Sunday night, and being tired was an understatement.
Being back had me already shaking my head realizing that the mess I had
left behind would again take center stage. The main thing though, was
looking forward to hanging out with Tim. Speaking of him, I called Justin
right away to let him know what happened. We had a long talk that night as
we talked about a variety of stuff. The main thing was my attitude towards
people. It was pretty obvious I needed some work on that. Going to sleep
that night I felt better than what I had in months.

     Getting back into the swing of work wasn't too difficult. I worked on
my diminishing social skills and found myself getting back to normal with
everyone. Things were going good.  Tim and Justin would visit me
periodically at work to chat and wrestling was going a little better. A few
of the guys had talked to me in private and let me know that they didn't
have a problem with "me". That was a big monkey off my back right
there. Wrestling a gay guy is something that I'm sure most straight guys
don't ever imagine having to do.  I had learned awhile back to manage the
hormones...when it came to that at least. I wasn't trying to make any
enemies at all in that field.

     Also around this time, I found a very helpful website. It was one
where you make a profile, chat, send messages, yeah you know the drill. It
was a teen website so it was refreshing to be able to interact with
people...not fully my age but close. Being nineteen, I was on my out in
that particular site. It did help me make a very good friend though.

     Most of the time, I would just sit and watch what others would say.
Since they all knew each other, I felt like I was on the outside looking
in...something I'd gotten used to. There was one person really made an
effort to talk to me. At first I was shy, but after him looking me up
almost everyday, we became online buddies. His name was Jake (lol yes, I
really need to make an effort to meet people that have different names) and
he was out of state.  He was a little older than me which didn't bother
me. After talking for weeks he treated me more like a little brother than a
friend. In the span of those weeks, we opened up completely to each
other. I told him of Andrew, Mario, and Tim. He told me of his parents, his
current boyfriend John, and of his experiences in high school (out from the
start...he NEVER was in the closet). It was very interesting to talk to him
at times. He was much more...ummm, I guess sexual would be the word. Now, I
know just as well as you do, that sex feels great. It was something that I
thought should be shared with someone you really cared about. I never
learned any other way until Jake gave me his opposing view on it (you know
I'll be getting back to this a few chapters down the road...). Interesting
and overwhelming all at the same time. We talked a lot usually staying up
until 3 in the morning. We even swapped phone numbers and talked over that
as well. A very good friend and more...but we'll get to that later too :P

     Around the time things started to heat up again at home, it was
mid-April. I went and saw a movie with Tim and his friends (Meet the
Fockers which is a great movie by the way). I was very shy (new people) so
I didn't say much. Tim did ignore them most of the time as he talked to me
only. I was kind of nervous once we went in. When he sat down I took the
seat next to him not really thinking about it. Just watch the movie and
enjoy it right?  Things never seem to be that easy...and really never with
Tim around as I would start to find out.

     We were watching the movie when I felt his leg brush up against mine.
We were both wearing jeans, but I instantly felt the contact and dropped my
drink in shock. Accident or not, I didn't want to but I turned to look at
him to find him looking back at me with an expression I could never quite
explain. It looked like the complete opposite of a blank one. I could tell
so many things were running through his head, but I couldn't tell what
exactly. We looked at each other for what had to be at least a minute and
both moved a seat apart. I couldn't concentrate on the rest of the movie
and from what I could see, neither could he. My mind ran through all kinds
of scenarios and many ended up at the same spot...I couldn't do that
though. Tim was confusing enough as it was. That moment didn't help
matters. I couldn't be sure he was or would be interested in me.  Also,
didn't I make a promise to Andrew? Yea, I would hate to break it after only
three months. I would feel pretty bad about that. I did the best thing I
could think of. I left the theater and went home. I turned on the computer
to find Jake happily awaiting my arrival. I told him of the incident and he
of course saw it as being a step for Tim's "coming out". The only way I was
going to act on it was if he came out and told me himself. If he was, he
would have to tell me himself. I didn't want to make the mistake of being
wrong. That was the plan for that...and the chance would come soon.

     We still talked, but Tim never mentioned the incident. It was a sigh
of relief and also left me feeling a little down. I was hopeful in the back
of my mind that he might not be straight. A lot more now since I wasn't
really taking too well to being single again. It wasn't that I was needy,
but I also was being realistic. Every time I've been single, I'm not the
same guy. Most of my friends (especially Justin who is sitting by me as I
type this) can tell you that (and he's nodding his head yes for the
record). The way things were going, the summer of 2005 was shaping up to be
one to remember. Jake and I really hit it off as buddies and then the whole
Tim situation. The start of May marked the beginning of the next tale in
what is my life.

     I was the acting manager of my store (my boss walked out) so I was
working ridiculous hours. By that time, my workmates knew about my cancer
so I at least was able to get one day off to get treatments and relax. It
was the first week of the month and I was supposed to go to Denver to see a
baseball game. I had talked with Tim earlier that week, and it was agreed
that we would go up to Six Flags instead the next time I had a day
off. That Tuesday will be a day I won't ever forget.

*****************************************************************************

Next chapter is around 75 percent done. I would finish it now, but (looks
at the clock) I need to start getting ready for work. I'm off tomorrow so I
should be able to finish the last page and a half. This chapter was more
explaining of things and setting the stage since the next two/three will be
heavily loaded with action (conversations, umm other things)

Chapter 22 - A Day at Elitch Gardens (75 percent done)
Chapter 23 - Stepping Out the Closet (20 percent done)
Chapter 24 - Being Opened to a New World (50 percent done)

21 down, 9 to go!