Date: Sat, 17 Dec 2005 19:14:28 -0700
From: Samuel Forte' III <fallenangel595@hotmail.com>
Subject: finding andrew-chapter 7

** This story is a true story, telling of people and events that have taken
place in the last three to four years. I have the consent of the others who
are involved to use them, but no last names will be used for privacy
reasons. This story will focus around two people as they stumble upon each
during high school and find themselves falling for one another. They are
able to survive the trials, tribulations, and difficulties that are thrown
at them and from each other until everything comes to an abrupt end...All
rights to this story are mine (lol well it is based on MY experiences) so
no copying or publishing without my consent!**


**** Before I even go on, I'd like to apologize for the content towards the
end of the last chapter. Speaking from the experience, we both were not our
usual self during the time around my birthday. It was just as confusing to
some of you as it was to me at the time. Of course, I got the benefit of
the whole explanation...which I don't think the full version needs to be
said so I left out a few things in this chapter. Even I have a few things
that I don't want others to know. It will still make sense though...
Honestly though, I was going back and forth on if I should put it in and I
decided that I should get everything out there since that's how I started
it. It was offensive and vulgar to many people and I apologize those who I
offended. From here on out I will put in a spoiler warning about anything
else that can be taken in the same manner. I'll get to test it out in C8
and C9, but rest assured that those will be the final moments where
anything so graphic will happen. Everything else goes back to normal pretty
much after those two conversations. ****


                         Finding Andrew
              Chapter 7: Mario Shows His True Colors


     I ended up staying home from school the rest of the week. I told my
friends I had the flu (totally believable in November) and wouldn't be back
until next week. I also missed wrestling that week. I put my phone in my
sister's room so I couldn't be bothered. The more I thought about what
happened on Monday, the madder I got. At one point, I was ready to walk to
school in the snow (about a 45-minute walk) to find Andrew and confront
him, but the pain in my ribs and head told me otherwise. No matter how mad
I got at someone, there were just some lines I couldn't ever cross...

     I was surprised to hear that Andrew called all week. My sister knew I
wasn't in a talking mood, so she didn't ever come downstairs to bring me
the phone. She also told me that he was checking on me to see how I was
doing and to say he was sorry for what happened (she obviously never knew
what happened thankfully) . I'm not even going to rant on that, but rest
assured that really didn't lighten my mood at the time. I could probably
write a whole chapter on how upset I was when I heard that. But moving
on...

          Monday was my return to school. NO ONE said a word to me on the
bus. I don't know if some knew what happened or if they saw the look on my
face (fuming still), but no one said a word. When I got to my locker I
found some notes stuffed inside. They were from last week, all from Andrew
saying he was sorry and that he wanted to talk to me. I guess he left one
everyday, but I didn't care at that point. My plan going into this was to
erase him from memory and move on with life. Easy to say, yet very hard to
do. I'm the kind of person that tends to let my emotions control my actions
and decisions so I really would have my work cut out for me. I made it
through the first two periods pretty good as I kept to myself. My friends
saw I was still angry and backed off. Even Lizzy got the picture and said
nothing to me. At lunch I sat by myself inside to avoid having one of my
patented emotional outbursts. Hmm, I guess you probably are wondering what
I mean by that. I tend to show very little negative emotion. If you were to
look at being angry and mad as two being totally separate, in my mind being
angry has always been worse. When I get mad, I usually just blow whatever
it is off and don't worry about it. After I do that for awhile, the tension
builds up in me. I usually can sense it, but I haven't found a way to ease
it just yet. Once I get angry, it triggers all of the tension I have
causing me to blow up. By blowing up, I mean doing stuff that just isn't in
character for me. I'll leave that to your imagination, but know its nothing
that gets or will get me in any serious trouble. I still have common sense
at those points, but at times it I really do lose the sense of where I am
or what I'm doing. It may sound complicated now, but I'm sure you'll
understand after a few examples.

          It had built up ever since the Friday before my birthday and it
just collected steam as time went on. I was left alone until there were
about ten minutes left. I ate my food in silence and had my back to the
rest of the cafeteria when Andrew cautiously sat down across from me.

"Hey Sam." He mumbled. I sat there in silence doing my best to ignore
him. He couldn't even keep eye contact with me as I burned a hole through
his forehead with a look of hatred. "I'm happy to see that you're ok. I can
explain..."

"Leave me the fuck alone. I don't ever want to see your face again." His
face turned red as he again dropped his face to avoid eye contact. All of
my bad feelings towards him began to surface, but for one of the few times
in my life, I was able to control what happened. He again said something as
I took my powerade and dumped it over his head leaving him soaking wet and
onlookers laughing. I took my backpack and headed home not even bothering
to go to 3rd period.  I had to get away from him before I would do
something that I might regret later. Looking back, I don't know how I was
able to keep from letting my anger take control (I have a few thoughts and
it should seem obvious), but I was relieved as I made it home. He again
tried calling as I continually hit the ignore button. Why should I talk to
him after what he did to me? If Mario said stuff about me he should have
confronted me about it. I'm not a perfect little angel, but I had the
impression that problems like that were brought up in a relationship (or
when dating in general) and were supposed to be worked through. You don't
just take an outsider's word right? Sure I didn't want to talk about it,
but I would have if he would have wanted to. He deserves to know as much as
he wants about my past. I'm not totally happy with a lot of things that
I've did and that have happened to me, but I feel I owe that explanation to
anyone who is going out with me. I just don't like to keep secrets about
myself I guess. Besides, I knew that I wasn't just yet in the mindset to
hear him explain himself. I never thought I would, but like the saying
goes, "never say never".

          Tuesday came quickly as snow continued to fall. PE first thing in
the morning wasn't something I was looking forward to. I still had cuts on
my face and a long gash down the left side of my rib cage. Andrew was
terrified when he saw me in the locker room, as he waited for me to finish
changing before making his way to the gym locker. I know he felt worse as I
had to have someone else pull off my polo and slip on my t-shirt for me
because it hurt too much for me to lift my arms that high. It was a free
day due to the weather, and I kept to myself shooting basketball. A few
people made comments about how Andrew punked me and how I walked out on my
team, but no one said it to my face since I was still in a bad mood. Andrew
again tried talking to me at the end of class, but I ignored him and for
the most part put him out of mind.  Basketball would be the third and final
block of the semester and Andrew followed me in it. We were on the same
team *sighs*, yet I still never said a word to him. I was getting back to
normal as I got back to hanging out at lunch and after school with my
friends. I still did wrestle, but I never spoke to Mario or his boyfriend.
By the time Thanksgiving came, I was back to normal more or less. I still
was a little on the cold side at times, but I was also acting extremely
happy at times so it balanced out. I enjoyed the weekend and looked forward
to getting back to school. A few more weeks and the big Christmas Break!
Those two weeks off seem like forever at the time and I was sure going to
put them to good use. December rolled around quickly and as soon as I was
able to get through a lot of the stuff that happened, in the span of one
phone call everything changed again.

          It was late on a Friday night (or early Saturday morning
depending on how you look at it) when I got an unexpected call. Not many
people call at two in morning so I picked it up before it would wake up my
sister too.

"...Hello?"

"Is this Sam?"

"Yea and who is this?" I asked groggily.

"This is Jason, Andrew's brother. How are you?"

"Well other than you waking me up, I guess pretty good." I said annoyed.
What kind of question was that at two in the morning?

"Sorry to wake you, but...Andrew was in an accident." I shook my head as I
got a mixed feeling.  First thinking that he got what he deserved. I'm not
a hateful person so my first thoughts went away rather quickly. My good
side won out as I was concerned about what happened to him.

"What happened to him? Where is he?"

"He's at the hospital right now. I think he'll be fine, but he didn't look
too good when they found him."

"When they found him?"

"I'm on my way to pick you up. He kept saying that you were his best friend
and that he needed to see you. He won't say anything to anyone else." I was
surprised that he considered me that after he told me that I was a horrible
boyfriend, friend, and human being for that matter. I gave him directions
to the Taco Bell not too far from my house and told him I'd be there after
I got dressed. As I dressed, I was wondering if I really should go up
there. I still was wondering why after all that happened between us why he
wanted me up there. Even then, something deep down inside told me that I
needed to go up there which was confusing at the time. I quickly decided
that this wasn't the time for those thoughts and that he needed someone by
his side. I was surprised that Mario wasn't there, but I shrugged it off as
I snuck out my window and jogged down to Taco Bell. Even through the
previous incident, I still felt that I had to go up there...and not just as
a friend. Feelings are always a hard thing to suppress I've learned.

          Jason was waiting for me and once I hopped in, we were on our
way. We rode in silence as our thoughts were both elsewhere. Once we got
there, I followed him into the waiting room. I saw his mom first and then
his dad. She looked like a nervous wreck as her husband tried to comfort
her. Jason showed me to the room Andrew would be at and followed me in.

"When you're done, we'll be waiting in the lobby. I'll take you back home
when you're ready.  Just take your time...no rush." He whispered as he
walked out of the room.

"Thanks for the ride, Jason." He nodded as he pushed the door open and left
me alone with Andrew. I turned around and was horrified at what I saw.
Andrew's head was bandaged around the forehead as he must have been
bleeding pretty badly (the bandages were still pretty red). His right arm
was also heavily bandaged like his head and through the baby blue gown, you
could see the bandages wrapped around his chest and ribs. I lost all
composure as I rested my head on his ribs and began to cry. Even though I
had viewed him as the enemy the last month, I couldn't stand seeing him in
so much pain.

"...Sam. Don't...cry. I'll be fine." He struggled to get out as he rested
his hand on my shoulder.  You could tell that his body was very weak from
whatever happened.

"Andrew? What happened?"

"First, I want to apologize again to what I did to you. I wouldn't blame
you if you wanted to put me out of my misery right now..."

"Andrew, don't talk like that..."

"Why not? You didn't even have to come here and I wouldn't blame you if you
didn't. After my actions, I figured you'd never want to talk to me ever
again...I have something to admit to you so you might want to pull a chair
over." I pulled the hard metal chair (hospitals aren't made to be
comfortable ya know) over by his bed. "Don't say anything until I'm
finished." I nodded as he rolled over to face me. I don't know where he
found the strength to, but he flashed that patented smile before he started
to get into his apology. It gave me a warming feeling since it had been
quite awhile since I'd seen it.

"I'm really sorry about what I did to you. I was really upset about you not
wanting me at your birthday party. As your significant other, I just
thought that you would want to celebrate with me, but I was being
selfish...more like jealous. Mario, caught on to my anger and just built on
it.  The only time you ever talked about Mario was the day after he beat me
up. I still didn't think he was a bad guy...at the time at least, so I
vented to him since he knew you so well. The more I thought about it, I
realized that I didn't really know a whole lot about your past and I
remember you telling me that he knew you pretty much since you moved
here. I figured that he would be a good person to ask about your past." I
shook my head wondering why he just had to be the person he happened to ask
about that. He could have asked my friends at school, my sister, even my
mom. I sat there and pieced together the rest of it in my head as he went
on. Mario had basically turned Andrew against me which explained his sour
attitude to me at school and at wrestling before and after we broke up. I
cut him off before he went into detail about what things were said about
me.

"Andrew, I don't really want to hear what he said about me. I'm sure my
imagination can sum it up." I said with kind of a bitter tone.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad." We sat there in silence for a
few minutes as I ran my hand through his hair. My eyes began to water as I
recalled a promise that I broke with him.  Andrew broke the silence.

"Sam, I'll tell you what happened...you have to promise not to get
upset...and not do anything to get yourself in trouble." I cringed on the
last part because it really tipped me off to who did this.  Even if he
didn't do it directly, Mario was somehow involved.

"It was Mario wasn't it?" I asked coldly.

"You have to promise."

"Fine......I promise."

"Sam, I'm sorry. I should have believed you. I thought he was a good guy. I
never realized that..."

"Stop! You don't have to apologize to me about him."

"Yes I do. I should have listened."

"Andrew, what did he do?"

"He tried to...to...I told him no and he...he got upset..." He started to
cry as I got up and pulled him into my arms. I was fuming inside, but I'm a
man of my word and decided to leave Mario alone about it...for now. I knew
that the next time I saw him it would take everything in me to keep from
ripping him apart. So I guess this was his master plan. All of this just to
get back at me....a damn shame isn't it? Bad thing was I feared he could
come up with even worse.

"I said that I wouldn't let him hurt you again...that I would protect you
from things like this. You were right when you said I was weak."

"Sam..."

"You deserve so much better." I stood to walk away, but would be stopped as
soon as he grabbed my arm forcefully. For his arm to be in so much pain, he
held a pretty tight grip.

"You can't leave me again, Sam. I...I don't think I could take it again."

"Andrew, you can find better."

"Sam, don't you understand? I...love you." Those three words shocked me as
I turned back to see him blushing.

"You what?"

"I love you. When we broke up that day I was so hurt. I had no one to turn
to. I only went out with Mario to try and get you jealous so you would
change your mind about us. I can't ever fully explain why I did the things
I did at school and wrestling, but I was really hurt and confused...that
still is no excuse for the hurt and pain I brought to you. I tried to talk
to you at school and call, but you ignored me. I wanted to just corner you
somewhere, but I was afraid of what you might do. You had every right to
cut me out of your life and I was sad when I saw you trying to do that." I
sat back down as we were again sitting face to face. "You are everything
that I've always wanted in a guy. Someone to talk to about anything.
Someone to go out to the mall or movies with and have a good time. Someone
that I can depend on to always look out for me.  You mean a lot to me,
Sam. More than you ever realized. I just have a tough time expressing it to
you." With that he grabbed my hand and we just sat there for a few minutes.

"I don't know what to say."

"Say you want to give it another try." I sat there and ran through
everything from beginning to end. After thinking it through, I came to my
decision.

"Well you wanted to know about my past right?"

"Yea, but that doesn't have to do with..."

"Yea it does. There are some things that I haven't told anyone except
Mario. You were right when you said that I needed to trust you more. I want
to tell you about DJ...before you decide if we should give it another
try..."

"So you'll..."

"It's up to you. I'm not going to lie though. I tried my damndest to try
and forget you, but I couldn't. I still have feelings for you and would
like to try again. Before though, you need to understand why I've been a
bit closed when it comes to certain topics..."  "Sex?"

"...Yes...This is tough for me to say, but it would be best if I told you
now while we're getting everything out between us. You don't have to tell
me about your's just yet, but you're still going to tell me what Mario did
to you...and I'll keep my promise. This is going to be real hard for me to
tell you though so please bear with me." He nodded as I began to tell him
about the one incident in my life that I had locked deep away in my mind:
DJ

******************************************************************************

lol, I know you want to know what happened, but you'll have to wait for the
next chapter :p I'm going to go ahead and say this ahead of time. The next
chapter is going to be real tough to stomach (reason will be obvious once
you read it)...probably the second or third toughest I'll write in this
story. If you didn't like the ending of C6 heed my warning:

SKIP THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS!!

Flashbacks on my end and his and some of the stuff my be stuff you didn't
really want to know...of course, if I didn't think it had anything to do
with the story I would put in, but its your call. I'll make it where
picking it up at C10 will make sense. Wow, some things I never thought I
would be so open about telling. Snow has finally stopped out here for those
if you wondering, but it served its purpose: forced me to study (I passed
all my finals!!) and gave me the opportunity to knock out another few
chapters ahead of time. Due to the stoppage of updates with the site the
last week or so, I'll actually be ahead of the curve. I'll be sending an
update in every other day or maybe one a day.

Thanks again to those who send emails with feedback, comments, or other. I
appreciate the input and will do my best to get you back quick
responses. I'm a pretty busy guy, but once I finally get my labtop, I
should be available online more. Also, I didn't realize that some of you
readers didn't really know a whole lot about wrestling. My fault for not
being more descriptive. If you have any questions about that, the story, or
anything else just drop me a line. Take care and look for the next chapter
in 2 days.

******************************************************************************

Also, I'd like to take this time/space to say a few words about one of my
best friends, Jake. I met him over the internet and have known him for
around a year and a half. Tragedy struck the night of December 8th, when he
was involved in a car accident. His sudden death was just two days after
his 22nd birthday. He was a guy I could always turn to no matter what the
problem. He was gay also, but it didn't matter. He was a great friend and
person. It was impossible to not get along with someone so energetic and
happy about life.

No matter what was thrown at him, he was able to take it in stride and
always make the best of any situation. He taught me so much about myself
and helped me find myself when I was still lost. He helped me through the
toughest times of my life and I knew, that no matter what, he always had my
back. I looked forward to his wake-up call every morning and our chats late
at night. Sometimes he seemed more like an older brother than a
friend...Sadly, I only got to meet him twice in person, but I will carry
those memories forever. The frat party, the day at Six Flags, spending the
week of my 20th birthday with him, teaching me how to play an electric
guitar. I'll never forget those moments. Condolences and best wishes go out
to his father, brother, extended family, boyfriend, and
friends. R.I.P. buddy. I'll always miss you. Thanks for all the memories :(


[December 6, 1983 - December 8, 2005]

Chapter 8: Confronting Our Pasts - Mine