Date: Fri, 9 Oct 2009 04:28:11 -0500
From: Justin Luong <yellowcard_911@hotmail.com>
Subject: First Born Chapter 9

Here's the latest chapter. For some, this may be a surprise but the story
is NOT over yet. Chapter eight's ending was nothing but a cliffhanger. I'm
sorry if some of you thought it was the end. There's still a chapter or two
left in this story. Enjoy.

Chapter Nine: Conditions

    "Hey wake up. You can't die here," a voice came echoing at me.

    I felt a warm presence clutching my hands tightly. Someone was next to
me but who? The person's voice seemed so familiar but I couldn't put my
finger on it. It was defiantly a he. He was trembling, my hands were began
to shake as it were still clutched within his. Is this how it feels to be
missed? Die? This person said something about dying. Am I--dying? If this
person wants me here with them then I should wake up right? Ok, I have to
wake up. Come on Lucas, wake up. Wake up dammit. Wake up!
    I faintly opened my eyes. I was in a bright white room, that's all it
was, white. It was like it like it had the touch of being sterile. A
sterile room? Could I be in a hospital of some kind? Then I suddenly
remembered, this is the same room that Justin was in when he was--. I
shouldn't bring that up again, it's not my place to say anything. Speaking
of Justin where is--. There he was, he was the one clinging onto me. He
doesn't want me to die here. Does he truly love me? He's expressing his
feelings for me?

    Justin must have felt me move. He opened his eyes and looked at me. His
face was damp with tears and his eyes were red. He really does care a lot
for me.

    "Lucas?" he gasped. "I'm so happy you're awake. You've been asleep way
too long. Don't you know how worried I was?"

    "I'm sor--"

    "Shut up, Lucas. Just shut up," he continued.

    I pulled my hands away from his grasp only to pull him closer to me and
I kissed him softly on his chapped lips. Rubbing his bottom lip with my
thumb, I smiled at him reassuring him that I was here to stay.

    "Lucas, I--"

    "How long was I out?" I bluntly asked.

    "About three months. It seems Alice made a mistake and gave you a high
dose of animal tranquilizer. After I found out that you were in a coma, I
swore to myself that I would get better quickly so I could come and see
you. I--"

    "Wait, slow down. What happened to me and you?"

    "You don't remember?"

    "The last thing I remember was that you were in the hospital for that
incident back at the market. Did anything else happen before that?"

    "Lucas, I'm going to call for the doctor."

    He got up scratching his head, that's when I saw a elongated scar
wrapped around his neck. Last thing I knew, I was clutching my head because
of a sharp pain that wouldn't go away.

    "Lucas? Lucas! What's wrong?" I heard Justin ask me.

    I couldn't answer him. What was going on in my head that would cause me
this pain? Suddenly an image came to me, it was Justin and he had wire
resembling a choker around his neck that was connected to a chain. The
image quickly disappeared and I was back to reality. Justin was cradling my
face and he had a serious concern look upon his face.

    "Did you remember something?" he whispered.

    I traced around his scar and my eyes began to tear up. I looked up at
him and he looked down at the ground.

    "You--I--the chain."

    Justin sat back down with his knees up to his chin and his arms wrapped
around them. Tears were falling one by one, his lips trembling, his fingers
tapping upon his grey skinny jeans. Was it really that bad? What happened?

    "Lucas," he finally said. "I'm going to get the doctor. I'll be back in
a second."

    "Justin, I--I'm sorry for bring it up. I can't remember anything. All
I'm trying to do is piece the puzzle back together and--"

    "I know. It's probably hard for you and everything. But I need to get
the doctor to check up on you."

    With that he left. What happened? Why can't I remember?

    "FUCK!" I yelled out annoyed.

    I curled up into a ball and cried. That's all I could do was
cry. Justin can't seem to forget and yet I can't seem to remember. I wish I
change this. I wish I could switch spots with him. God, why are you doing
this? Why?
    Moments later, Justin returned but with a tall man. He had grays
sprouting on his head and thick rimmed glasses. He had a heart shaped face
and had an unavoidable overbite. He looked at me with a serious look on his
face. He opened the door and pushed Justin out of the room. I pleaded him
to let Justin stay with me, but Justin reassured me that everything was
going to be fine. I wanted to believe him, really I did, but with
everything that was going on, it just felt that he was saying all of this
bullshit just so that he could cope with his nightmares.

    "So Mr.--"

    "It's Lucas, only Lucas."

    "Oh okay. So how are you?"

    "How do I look like? I'm not doing great I can tell you that much. Why
don't you do your job and just tell me what the hell is going on?"

    "Rather blunt aren't you? How's your head? I heard from Justin that you
remembered something. What do you remember?"

    "A chain."

    "And what about this chain that makes it significant to the cause of
your memory loss?"

    "How the hell am I supposed to know? You're the doctor, you tell me."

    "Well I know I won't be getting anything from you in your current
state. I'll bring Justin in now."

    "Wait! Aren't you going to tell me what happened?"

    "Even if I told you, would it suffice?"

    "What do you mean?"

    "Would my information curb your appetite?"

    "I don't understand. How does that even relate to this problem?"

    "Exactly. You will remember in time."

    The doctor pulled the curtain around my bed all the way to the end. Was
I just dissed by a doctor? If so, that's not very professional.  Moments
later, I heard the door quietly click. Was that Justin? I couldn't tell,
all I could see was a silhouette of the figure from the curtain.

    "Justin, is that you?" I asked.

    "Lucas, I have to go."

    "Go? You're leaving me now? Can't you stay for a little while? And
what's with the curtain?"

    "The curtain's fine. It actually works well. I'm leaving Lucas. This is
the last time you'll ever feel my presence. I'm sorry."

    "What does that mean? Justin?"

    The door clicked again and I was left with this uncertainty. What did
he mean that he was leaving? This isn't right. I tore the curtains away
hoping to see him, to realize that it was all a joke. It wasn't. He was
gone. I felt a sharp pain in my skull again. My vision began to blur and I
became cotton mouthed. It hurt so much, I wanted to scream but I couldn't
it. Clutching my head, I rose from the bed. I was expecting to be held back
by medical equipment and such but there wasn't anything attached to my
body. Strange. If I were really in a coma for so long, shouldn't I at least
have a mark of some kind on me, but there wasn't. Still in pain, I searched
through my shirt and felt a difference in my skin. Ripping open my shirt, I
noticed a little bandage. So I did get shot. But is that it? What happened
the past three months? Dammit!
    I stood up, standing on the soft mattress. The pain diluted. Closing my
eyes, I tried my best to remember what happened. But nothing came. I tried
again, my eyes suddenly opened. I couldn't move. I could feel something
like tears flowing down my eyes but it felt different somehow, thicker
maybe. It trickled down my cheek leaving an unbearable feeling. I wanted to
just wipe off but I couldn't move a muscle. Dammit, I feel so weak. Why
can't I do anything? Why doesn't anyone just tell me what the fuck is going
on? Feeling terribly worthless, I just wanted to kill myself. Suddenly,
almost too sudden, my muscles caved and I fell and collapsed off the
bed. Crashing onto the floor, flopping around the sterile linoleum floor
like a fish out of water, I finally found out what was leaking from my
eyes, my own blood. The floor was smeared with it and I could easily see it
with my own eyes. What was happening to me? A second ago, I couldn't move
and now all I want to do was to just stop.
    I finally stopped with my spastic movement when my body forced my chest
into the air, blood erupting from my mouth. It clicked again, the door.

    "Lucas, I'm sorry about before I just have to--"

    Justin stopped and looked at me. Just stood there. I couldn't tell what
was going on in his mind but I doubt it was good. He then slowly walked up
to be and knelt down beside me. He didn't even look at me, just stared at
the wall. Why was he doing this to me? Ignoring me like he was disappointed
in me.
    Control in my muscles slowly came back at me, so I crept my hand up his
shirt and something unusual touched my fingers. There was something over
his skin, he was bandaged up. My fingers crept up more and I found a
necklace. Justin doesn't weak necklaces, I've never seen it before. Justin
grabbed my hand and looked directly at me. I thought he would be mad or at
least have some negativity towards me but all I saw in his eyes was
sorrow. A tear dropped down and he quickly looked away.

    "Justin, it's okay."

    "It's not, Lucas you're--"

    "It doesn't matter, all that matters is that you're still here with
me," I whispered with a bloody smile.

    Justin broke down even more and he put his hand over his face to
hide. I took my hand out of his shirt and I removed his hand from his face.

    "It's okay to cry. Don't be embarrassed."

    "Y-you don't understand! Y-you're--you're--"

    "I'm what? What am I? Justin, I'm all yours. Forever and for always."

    "Forever won't last very long. Not for both of us."

    "What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?"

    "No, I can't. Lucas we're--"

    Suddenly the door flung open and Alice walked in. She was dressed the
same way as always: high heels, a skirt, and a blouse. She had emotionless
smirk on her face. I vaguely heard her mumble something to herself then
pulled out something blocky from her skirt pocket. There were various
buttons on them, she pressed one of them and loads of doctors filed
in. They formed a circle around me and Justin. One of them took Justin by
the arm and jerked him away. Reacting on instinct, I stood up, stepped in
front of Justin, severing the ties between the two, and pushed the doctor
away.

    "What is this? What do you want with him?"

    "Lucas, he's merely taking him outside so the rest can lend a hand in
your condition," Alice stated.

    "And what is our condition?" I barked.

    "Our?"

    "Justin was about to tell me about both our conditions till you butted
in."

    Alice's eyes darted at Justin. She chewed on her lip and twiddled her
thumps.

    "Well this poses quite a problem. I thought I told you to keep your
mouth shut till everything was final. Guess I--we shouldn't trust people so
willingly."

    "He has to know, whether it be true or false. He has the right to know
of his own condition Alice," Justin pointed out.

    "Shut it. You will say no more."

    "Don't talk to him like that!" I demanded.

    "You too. Shut up or I will have to use force. Do you want to go to
sleep for months again?"

    "Alice, don't threaten him or do I have to call your father?"

    Alice looked at him with fear while Justin glared at her with daggers
in his eyes.

    "I guess it's settled then. Just give me the pill and I'll take care of
this," Justin boldly commanded.

    All the doctors in the room faced Alice, all waiting for her next move.

    "Well what are you all standing here for? Give him what he wants!"
Alice yelled looking away.

    "But Ali--"

    "Don't make me say it again! And you'll address me by Miss Alice, you
all understand?" she said walking out of the room.

    In a matter of minutes, the doctors all scurried around the room like
rats, they got a table and loaded it with supplies and then left.
    Justin took my hand and led me to my bed. He told me sit down and to
take off my hospital gown. It was so sudden, I didn't know what to do. My
hands shook as I tried to untie the knot that was around my neck and
waist. I saw his hands move over a scalpel, that made me even more
nervous. He said earlier that we had a condition, does that mean he's going
to get rid of me just to get rid of my condition?

    He put the scalpel in front of me and I quickly shut my eyes. I felt
one of his empty hand on my chin and then I felt his lips pressed against
mine. My lips parted and so did his, our tongues danced as we performed our
ritual for love. But wait, minutes ago I was coughing up blood. Isn't he
worried that my condition will spread to his? Wait does my condition even
spread through blood?
    I pushed away from him and covered my mouth.

    "Don't worry, we have the same condition."

    "But still, isn't it a little dangerous to be doing this? Plus we're in
a hospital. What would people think of us?"

    "We don't have time to think. Are only chance is to live in the
moment. That's all we have left."

    Suddenly my limbs wrapped around him, though it was involuntary, I
swear. It was because I felt an extreme coldness making contact with my
skin, the scalpel. The narrow gap between us and his dark eyes locked on
mine gave me a sudden warm feeling inside. My gown near my crotch began to
move up. Was he feeling up my gown? I looked down and noticed it wasn't
him, it was my own growing member. I felt a rush of blood overflow in my
face. All I could hear was him chuckling close to me.

    "Sorry, I just--"

    Without warning Justin cut through the gown straps around my neck and
waist, the gown sliding my body, my member pressed against my stomach and
his white tee. He then threw the scalpel off the floor. Was he going to do
what I thought he was going to do?
    He went down on his knees, he grabbed it softly but firm enough where I
knew he wouldn't lose his grip. Sweat slithering down my temples, shortness
of breath, the unsteadiness in my body. I was so nervous and I couldn't
take it. Before he could even start, I tensed up and grabbed the sheets.

    "Is everything alright?" he asked me standing up.

    "I-I can't do it. I can't let you go on, I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I want
to. Trust me I really do, it's just--it's not the right moment. I'm so
sorry."

    Justin sat down next to me and put the gown back on, retying the
knot. Then something weird happened. He grabbed my hand, it was so warm. I
felt heartbeats pulsating from our hands. Was it mine or was it his?

    "Let's go get you cleaned up. You don't look pretty presentable with
all that on you," he laughed.

    "I'm sorry."

    "You don't have to repeatedly apologize. I'm actually quite glad you
declined."

    "What? Why?"

    "Well like you said, it gives us time to have the `perfect' moment," he
laughed. "Why do I always have cheesy moments with you?"

    Months passed and Justin and I have become closer than we already
were. When he said that he had to leave, I actually believed him. He hasn't
left me. We spend every waking moment with each other. I've actually moved
in with him. It was a pretty risky move but we both are happy with it. I
mean without me Justin has just been eating my mom's cornbread. He really
can't cook, but I'm always there to save the day now! I've never been so
happy in my life--.
    I guess that's what you've all been expecting right? A happy ending?
Well my--our happy ending never happened. After I got well enough to stand
on my own they released me from the hospital. A week after we came back
home, Justin told me that he really did have to leave and he did. It was so
sudden I wasn't ready for it. I begged on my hands and knees for him to
stay here with me but he said that with all that happened that night (which
I still cannot clearer remember) he can't stand to bear the weight of
everything. He had recurring nightmares and he couldn't sleep. So our
condition, I bet you're all wondering what our conjoined condition is.
    Back that night, the conditions that we were living in were hazardous
to our health. I was only there for a few hours and it had already affected
me. I don't quite have the details on what was in there but the doctors at
the hospital said that we were at a limited time. Our life lines were cut
short. We're both going to die soon, they didn't know when but they said it
was inevitable. That detail made Justin lose it. He knew that since he was
in there longer that he was on a shorter leash. To hear that he's going to
die before me made everything harder for both of us. He decided that since
he couldn't handle the weight that was already set on him that he didn't
want his death to ruin my life. He wants me to live my life. We both have
so many dreams but now what are we going to do? He said that dreams come
and go just like life so do everything you want to do before you die. Life
is so precious and short.
    It's been three years now. I haven't coughed up blood or lost control
of my muscles. I haven't heard from Justin ever since he left me. Hopefully
he's avoided death and is still living as the person he still is but a
large part of me can't swallow that. He's on a shorter life span than me,
right? So has to be in the ground somewhere. It's pointless for me to even
think that he's still alive.
    Dreams come and go just like life. I've been following that ever since
he left and I've been working hard just so I can get my life straight and
settle down someplace that I love, him. I'm planning on going to the city
to visit him. Whether he's in the ground or he's walking on air. I've saved
up so much money but I don't know if it's enough. My mom keeps telling me
every year that it's more than enough but what if it isn't? I've never been
to his place, it's probably more extravagant than what I think now. What if
I go there and all that I've saved up will mean nothing? But maybe, I'm
over thinking about all of this. I need to do this. I have to go, I have to
go find him.