Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 11:05:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: bobby gentry <bobbyncraig@yahoo.com>
Subject: First Love

Mostly autobiographical story for your enjoyment.  Please let me know what
you think!

			        First Love

This is my story of sexual awakening and first love.  It begins in the
early 1970's the summer before my senior year of high school in the suburbs
of Houston, Texas.  It was an exciting time as the era was recent post-Viet
Nam with "flower power", long-hair and political protests still prevalent.

I was a somewhat shy guy, somewhat conservative in appearance, although
more laid- back in attitude. My older sister Cindy had just returned from
her first year at college.  We had moved around a lot due to my father's
work and had only lived in Houston a couple of years.  Because we had moved
a lot, my sister and I became uncommonly good friends and we would share
the anxiety of making new friends in each new locale.

I was technically not a virgin, having had a drunken encounter the previous
year with one of the "class sluts".  It included a reluctant (on her part)
blow-job and really hasty intercourse in the back of my car!  I went out on
dates occasionally, but had always been a bit intimidated by really
attractive girls.  I had never had a steady girlfriend, although it didn't
bother me that I hadn't.  I was very naive and inexperienced in many
respects.

My style was somewhat conservative style and schoolwork was a priority, as
were activities such as sports (track) and music (orchestra drums).  I was
nice to everyone but I did not have any really close friends, due to my
shyness and since we seemed to move so often.  Cindy, thankfully, was very
inclusive of me with her eccentric circle of friends, especially her best
friend Betsy, who was like another sister to me.  Through them I often got
to hang out with older kids a lot. Cindy and I also covered each other's
backside with our common enemy--parents!

I was working at a pizza restaurant for the summer, while Cindy was working
at a record store.  After a week back at home for the summer, one boring
Sunday afternoon Cindy and her best friend Betsy asked me if I wanted to go
see a movie with them.  Having nothing better to do, I agreed and we set
out in Betsy's car.  Along the way they announced that their friend Craig
was also going to go and we stopped at his house to pick him up.

Craig was not someone I knew well as he was actually in the grade between
my sister and me.  He was a bit of an enigma since he had moved to the area
after we had and he had a "flower child" persona and was noted mostly at
school for being a good artist and a good student.  The only time we had
really spent together was right after he had moved in about 18 months ago,
when he was at a small birthday gathering for Betsy.  I remembered that
both Betsy and my sister thought Craig was really good looking, but nothing
had come of that as far as I knew in terms of either of them going out with
Craig.  However, as usual with all newcomers, they were very inclusive with
Craig and became friends.

I never had a reason to talk to Craig at school, but we always did smile at
each other and say hi when we passed in the hall.  He had won a number of
art awards, but besides that most people did not even know who he was in
our big suburban high school.  If anything Craig seemed even shier than me.
He typically wore faded blue jeans, tie-died t-shirts and other "hippie
uniform" clothes prevalent at the time.  He was quite skinny with delicate
features and hair that fell to the top of his shoulders in gentle waves.
Today his appearance might be conspicuous, but in the 1970's many types
dressed like Craig.

Craig came out of his house when we honked and he climbed inside the back
seat with me.  Along the way the talk centered around Cindy and Betsy's
first year at the University of Texas in Austin and Craig's impending move
to New York University on an art scholarship.  In an almost awkward way
Craig made a point of asking me about my activities and seemed to already
know all about what I was busy with.  He really was an interesting person
to talk to and very nice to include me in the discussion since I still did
had a year of high school left.

 The movie we went to was actually at the museum downtown and was part of a
film festival.  It was a weird, but captivating cult movie made in the
1930's called Freaks, about a group of sideshow "freaks" in a traveling
circus.  I had never heard of it but it was so weird as to be fascinating.
Afterwards we went to an eclectic cafe for an early dinner.  My sister
shifted the conversation to asking Craig about one of her classmates named
Roger that had gone to college in California.  This definitely got my
antenna up as this guy was very openly gay, which was not common at our
school.  With his responses it became clear that Craig not only knew him
well, but he had talked to him recently.  He spoke about how Roger planned
on just staying in California after this summer and was going to live in
San Francisco after college.

At this point, I was becoming uncomfortable, though Cindy and Betsy are
very liberal in their views and it was clear that Craig was comfortable
talking about his gay friend.  Nothing was ever said about Craig's sexual
orientation, but in my naive way, I finally began to figure out what should
have been obvious.  I remained quiet but could not help feeling a bit
unsettled.  I was tolerant in general and not anti-gay, but I just had not
had any interactions with any openly gay people.  On the other hand, I
could not help but be captivated by Craig's description of Roger's
California "glamorous" gay lifestyle.  Other than the gay part, it sure
sounded more exciting than our suburbs.  After that the conversation
shifted to more mundane topics.  Before I had a chance to decide for
myself, Betsy announced that we would go to the "midnight movie" at the
neighborhood theater the next Friday night.  After we dropped off Craig, no
mention was made of the "gay" topic, by either of the girls so I also said
nothing.

The following week was uneventful, but on Wednesday, Craig came in to the
restaurant to order a pizza to go.  It was a slow period so we had time to
talk while he waited. Craig said with a big smile, "I had fun at the movie
Sunday and look forward to Friday night if you are still going."  Before I
could answer, he added, "I kind of sensed that the discussion about Roger
made you uncomfortable.  I am sorry for that."  Feeling guilty, I nervously
responded, "It's no big deal...don't worry about it."  Craig then said,
"Great!  I don't want to make you uncomfortable.  So I'll meet you tomorrow
at the movie with Betsy and Cindy!"  I was in fact feeling anxious, but I
did not really understand why.  Nevertheless, I had no graceful way to
avoid going to the movies on Friday.

Since the movie did not start until midnight, Cindy, Betsy and I gathered
with a number of local teenagers on a rural dead-end road for a "street
party"and drank beer for a couple of hours.  Craig had to work (waiter in a
local restaurant) so the plan was to meet him at the movie.  I had a pretty
good buzz on and was more talkative than usual.  We saw a hilarious movie
called the Magic Christian with Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr.  When
everyone sat down, Craig and I somehow ended up sitting next to each other
between Betsy and Cindy.  As the movie went on Cindy and Betsy, seemingly
on purpose, would lean towards each other and directly into Craig and me,
to whisper and laugh at the movie.  This had the effect of squeezing Craig
and I together.  Although he made no outward moves towards me, he expressed
no annoyance with the close contact.

After the movie we re-joined the party gathering for a couple of more
beers.  Cindy and Betsy moved away from our car and were visiting with
other friends leaving Craig and I together.  We were both getting a bit
drunk, and Craig finally turned to me and asked, with a slight slur, "So
you do know I am gay, right?"  I responded that I had come to that that
conclusion.  He asked, "Well what do you think about that, does it bother
you?"  I defensively responded that it didn't bother me and that it was his
business.  Being brave from the beer he continued, "Have you ever been
given a blow-job?"  I laughed and said yes but admitted (due to the beer!)
who it had been from and Craig jokingly said that it shouldn't count!
Finally Craig offered in a soft voice, "Well you probably aren't
interested, but I wish I could give you a blow-job right now!"  The beer
made me numb to the question, and I deflected the comment saying it was
probably not a good idea with all the people around.  Betsy and Cindy saved
the day by returning about then and before I could react, we agreed to do a
movie the next Friday night and we went home.

Since we had been drinking, I tried not to make too much of the discussion
with Craig.  He is so shy I am sure he would not have said those things if
he had not been drinking.  However, on Monday he came by to pick up another
pizza.  We made small talk for a while but as he was getting ready to
leave, he leaned over and said, "I know I was drunk when we were talking
Friday night, but I did really mean it that I wanted to give you a
blow-job.  If you are ever interested let me know."  He nervously walked
out before I could respond.  The rest of the week though, the combination
of curiosity and general horniness made me actually ponder the question.
However, I kept dismissing the idea, since, after all, letting a gay guy
give me a blow-job would mean I was gay wouldn't it?

Friday arrived and we went to the same Friday night gathering spot for some
pre-movie beers.  On the way to the movies to meet Craig, Cindy said, "You
know that Craig likes you."  I responded, "What do you mean?"  Betsy spoke
this time, "You know what we mean.  He is gay and he has a crush on you.
Can't you tell?"  Before I could respond, Cindy said, "If it were to work
out that you and Craig got together, it would be cool with us.  There is
nothing wrong with liking girls and boys.  Plus, he is such a great and
talented guy.  I promise that we wouldn't tell anyone either.  But, you do
whatever."

I remained silent but was almost dizzy from the discussion, to say nothing
about the stirring in my groin that was involuntarily giving me a hard-on.
I was having the normal horny cravings of any 17 year old and the
discussion turned me on in spite of me not wanting it to.  When we arrived,
Craig was waiting smiling ear-to-ear, wearing snug embroidered faded
bell-bottomed jeans, a floral, un-buttoned, long-sleeve shirt with a very
skimpy tank top underneath.  He also was wearing a rolled up bandana as a
headband that held his long hair behind his ears.  The overall look made
him look very striking.  As we gathered together to walk in he looked right
in my eyes and said, "it is so good to see you!"

We had another animated time at the movies.  In addition to the same
seating chart and occasional close body contact, several times I noticed
Craig was looking at me instead of the screen.  When I would glance over he
just smiled and looked back at the screen.  It made me nervous, but I did
not tell him to stop either.  Relaxed from the beer, I was finding my
resistance weakening, in large part because it just felt good to be the
object of someone else's attention. Eventually, instead of concentrating on
the movie, I was thinking of a blow-job, specifically a blow-job from
Craig.  As before, we rejoined the street party afterwards.  When Betsy and
Cindy quickly left to join the crowd Craig stayed by his car and I stayed
too.  I had knots in my stomach as we sat on the trunk of his car and drank
beer together.

Finally, Craig asked, "Have you thought about what I said the other day?
I'm glad you are still willing to sit here and talk."  I responded, "I
don't understand why you are interested in me."  He said, "First off, from
the very first time we met, you have always been nice to me.  Not every one
around here is.  I also can't help it, but I think you are really smart,
really cool and great looking, even though you may not realize it.  I'm
just attracted to you for whatever reason and that is why I asked your
sister and Betsy to arrange for us to spend time together."

With shock I exclaimed, "You mean that first movie outing was something you
asked for so you could be with me!?"  He simply nodded.  While shocked, I
was also flattered and told Craig so.  I also felt a throbbing erection
growing in my jeans and it made me feel guilty.  Craig inched closer and
put his hand gently on the inside of my thigh saying "All I am asking for
is for you to give it a try.  If you don't like it I will never bring it up
again."  The fact that I didn't say no or move away from Craig emboldened
him and he said, "Why don't we drive to a more secluded spot."

I hesitated at first saying, "I don't know."  However, as he continued
rubbing my thigh, the beer and horniness overcame any common sense and soon
we were driving down a secluded road for "crude teenage sex"!  Craig pulled
over into the parking lot of a vacant building, and on his suggestion, we
both got in the back seat.  Without any foreplay, Craig began massaging me
through jeans and soon unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and pulled my erect
penis out.  I sat petrified looking up and with both arms across the back
of the seat.  Although I was nervous, it felt so good to feel another
human's touch.  Any reluctance that I had previously conveyed to Craig was
being undermined by my erection and he became more confident and
aggressive.

Craig eventually wiggled my underwear down and began massaging my balls and
hard penis at the same time.  He then stopped briefly and looked up with a
knowing smile and asked, "Do you want me to stop?"  I shook my head briskly
and let out a deep breath.  I then felt the most fantastic feeling of my
heretofore limited sex life as Craig encircled me with his lips and
expertly moved up and down while continuing to massage me with his hands.
It felt so good and was nothing like my single prior experience.  Instead
of being awkward and reluctant like the girl had been, Craig was
affectionate and enthusiastic.  He seemed to know exactly what to do to
make me feel good.

I looked down and watched his head move up and down, his eyes closed in
concentration.  His hair pulled back with the headband made him look like a
girl from this angle.  I put both hands gently on the back of his head and
ran my fingers through his beautiful hair.  He, in turn, quickened his pace
and I soon erupted into his mouth.  I was shocked when he kept his mouth
around my penis and swallowed every drop.  Craig collected himself and I
hastily pulled my pants back up.  He sarcastically said softly, "There,
that wasn't so bad, was it?"  I silently shook my head in agreement, but
was too nervous to say more or make eye contact.

We drove back to the party and neither one us spoke, but Craig had a small
smile on his face.  I was nervous about being "caught", but the crowd had
gotten rather large and I wasn't sure if anyone had even noticed we had
been gone for 30 minutes.  Cindy and Betsy rejoined us and with an innocent
goodbye, Craig went home in his car and we rode in Cindy's.  After dropping
off Betsy, Cindy asked coyly, "I saw you guys leave the party.  Did you and
Craig have a good time tonight?"  I responded, "You could definitely say
that, but I think I am losing my mind!  I can't believe that you set me up
to be with Craig the first time we went to the movie!  What makes you think
I am gay?  Do you want me to be gay?"

Cindy retorted, "Hey! You're the one who drove off with Craig, not me!
Seriously, don't make a big deal out of this.  I don't know or care if you
are gay.  Besides, there is nothing wrong with it if you are.  How are you
supposed to know what you are if you don't experiment?  If you are so sure
you are not at least bisexual, then tell Craig and don't spend time with
him in the future.  I just think you are kidding yourself if you don't
sense a mutual attraction.  If it makes you feel any better, I have had sex
with another girl".  My confused look arose since I knew she had a steady
boyfriend at college.

She explained, "It was only twice when I first went away last year.  I did
it then and might do it again.  But it actually helped me appreciate men.
As to setting you up, I have known Craig was gay for all along and when we
talked at the beginning of the summer, he told me that now that he was out
of high school he was going to more openly pursue relationships with other
guys.  He then told me that he has always had a crush on you and I told him
that as far as I knew you liked girls, but that I really didn't know for
sure.  I suggested that we all get together as a group and see what
happened, and if nothing did, it was no big deal.  Whatever happens between
you and Craig is up to you but remember that I won't tell anyone and you
can talk to me whenever you need me.  Don't forget he is a great guy that
anybody would be lucky to be with.  Please remember he has feelings too,
and is taking a chance to pursue you."

If not for all the beer I would have had trouble sleeping.  I illogically
rationalized that I was not necessarily gay since I had not done anything
to him, but only received a blow- job.  I awoke in the middle of the night
with an erection.  I thought again about what had happened earlier, what
Cindy had said.  I then vividly remembered the sensation of Craig's mouth
on my penis and visualized his has hair draped across my thighs as he
worked on me.  Hugely turned on with erotic thoughts , that night and for
several nights thereafter, I masturbated to this vision.

The next weekend our ritual was broken as Cindy and Betsy decided to go
visit their boyfriends in Austin.  Craig called me at work on Wednesday
and, without reference to our previous encounter asked if I still wanted to
go to the movies anyway.  I found my self involuntarily agreeing to it
before I could think about all the reasons I should not.  In truth, I
almost felt like I was not in control and it was very confusing.  I was
very anxious, even excited in anticipation of Friday night.  Since he did
not have to work that night, he picked me up at my house and we went to
dinner at the restaurant where he worked and one of his waiter friends gave
us curiously attentive service.  Craig was dressed comparatively stylishly,
very much as if to look nice for me...his "date".

We actually had our first detailed conversation about our backgrounds and
interests.  Craig is so low profile that I had not realized that he was
near the top his graduating class and he had been awarded a very
prestigious scholarship to attend NYU in the fall.  He intended to major in
art and fashion design since that it one of the more practical ways that an
artistic person can make a living.  Craig's world was so different than
mine, but different in a way that made it more interesting.  He had moved
around a lot as well, but unlike my parents (who in hindsight were decent
parents overall) his abusive father had left the family about ten years
earlier and he never saw him.  In this setting I found myself much more
relaxed with Craig and was amazed at how easy we conversed.  We both had
very similar tastes in movies and music.  The waiter (whom I finally
surmised was also gay), made a fuss over us as if we were a couple on a
dinner date.  He also served us both spiked drinks even though only Craig
was at the legal drinking age of 18.

After dinner we went to see a movie at a more normal time and had a good
time.  I occasionally would sense that Craig was keeping his leg pressed
against mine.  I was having wild swings of thought but I did not act upon
them.  Afterwards, instead of going to find a party, Craig had already iced
down some beer and we drove to a picnic area in a rural park.  We sat on
the end of a cement picnic table and drank a few beers and talked about the
movie.  There was sexual tension in the air and, feeling horny, I knew that
if he offered more oral sex I would take it!  Finally, Craig asked, "Would
you like to do what we did the other night?"  I silently nodded my head in
agreement, but did not make eye contact, since though really horny and
turned-on, I also felt guilt and paranoia. Craig then added, "Me too, at
least I think so. However, I might need to feel a bit romantic to get in
the mood this time.  I might need to kiss you first."

This startled me briefly as I was scared about doing something, like a
kiss, that might mean I was gay!  Instead of pressing the matter, however,
Craig changed gears and pulled out a joint.  Offering me a toke, I inhaled
deeply.  I didn't do drugs beyond an occasional joint and generally
preferred beer.  Tonight however, the combination of beer and the weed had
a strong mellowing effect on me and I relaxed and stared up at the stars.
I found myself thinking about Cindy's directive to be mindful of Craig's
feelings.  I also recalled his enthusiastic face at dinner and how he was
able to get me to converse more than anyone else had.  His natural
intelligence and wit was a refreshing change from the girls I had been out
with.  I really felt a glow to be in his company.

After we finished the joint, Craig excused himself and went over to the
bushes to pee.  I was continuing to look up at the moon stars when he
slowly returned and stood directly in front of me, straddled by my dangling
legs.  I looked up into his moonlit face and saw his delicate face break
into a knowing smile.  He put a hand on each shoulder and looked at me in
the eyes for several seconds.  I was too nervous to move, but I was
electrified by his touch.  Sensing no resistance, he leaned down so our
lips could meet in the gentlest of kisses.  He pulled back briefly and then
I leaned forward so our lips met more aggressively this time, tongues
exploring eagerly.  Inhibitions reduced, the kissing really got me excited.

Craig pulled away, gently pushed me back until I was lying down and began
to undo my jeans.  In this secluded place, he pulled them all the way down
to my ankles.  He also unbuttoned my shirt and began kissing my neck and
chest repeatedly while slowing working his way down.  Much more patiently,
he licked and kissed all around my crotch area and gently cupped my balls
in his hand while he licked them.  I looked up at the stars and was in
paradise as I felt his mouth encircle my penis and begin rhythmically
working me up and down as one hand tickled my balls and the other stroked
my penis.  Even on a cement picnic table, it was so much more pleasurable
to be lying down instead of crammed into the backseat of a car, and Craig's
pace was more leisurely than before.

In order to make it easier to lean over me, Craig moved around the table to
approach me from the side. I looked over and realized my hand was inches
away from his crotch, and, after some trepidation, I reached out and began
massaging him through his jeans.  Eventually, I undid his pants and pulled
his penis out from his jeans and began stroking it.  It felt very strange
to hold another guy's hard penis, but I realized that it was a small
concession to make considering what he was doing for me!  So I stroked him
more aggressively and he worked more furiously on me.  I then had the most
intense orgasm of my life and he again swallowed everything.  After a
pause, I kept stroking him and he then stood upright and arched his back
and had his own massive orgasm splatter my hand and a fairly large area of
the table.

The sexual frenzy over, I was simultaneously exhilarated, but also feeling
paranoid again.  First, I mentally argued that what I had just done was
wrong and I would never do it again.  Then, in the next thought I conceded
that not only would I do it again, but I couldn't wait until that time.
Craig leaned over to kiss me again and unfortunately, I was tentative due
to my anxiety.  I am sure it hurt his feelings, but he did not say
anything.  I got up from the table and awkwardly hugged him and we then
awkwardly kissed again.  This awkwardness gave way to a quiet ride to my
house where Craig said, "I'd like to see you again...soon.  Would you like
to do something tomorrow night and then spend the night at my house?  My
mother will be there the whole time if your parents need to check in with
her."  Considering my ambiguous anxiety, this sounded pretty safe, so I
agreed.

About four o'clock the next day Craig called me and said that maybe we
should reschedule the sleepover.  His mother was depressed, having just
broken up with her boyfriend and Craig felt like he should keep her
company.  He said, "If you still wanted to spend the night that would be
great, but we will probably just hang around the house.  I was touched by
Craig's thoughtfulness to his mother and decided that a little break from
the party scene would not be a bad thing.

He lived in a pretty nice 1 story house as his mother was a successful
realtor.  When I arrived Craig's mother answered the door.  She was
comparatively young and very attractive.  She and Craig definitely
resembled each other.  She was extremely friendly and surely masking an
underlying depressed mood.  She called upstairs to Craig and then excused
herself to the kitchen where she was making dinner.

As Craig came down the stairs I had to do a double-take.  He had his usual
big smile, but everything else looked different.  First he was wearing very
skimpy, ragged cut-offs, and a tissue thin turquoise tank-top shirt with
thin leather choker around his neck that had a several beads on it.  His
hair was up in a pony-tail that was tied of with a rubber band fairly high,
near the crown of his head.  Although most of his hair was pulled back, he
had his normal tussled bangs and had generous strands of hair hanging down
in front of his ears that framed his face.  He simply said, "Come on up!"

I followed him into a bedroom that had been converted to an art studio,
where Craig had been working on a watercolor landscape.  "I'll be finished
in a minute", he said.  As I waited I couldn't take my eyes off him, or
perhaps what I had not noticed about him before.  Craig is about 5'8'',
about 3 inches shorter than me.  But where I was athletic and medium build,
he was quite thin, almost waif-like.  Framed by his skimpy cut-offs, his
smooth angular legs, narrow waist and butt would have been the envy of many
girls.  I finally said, "You look different."  He replied, "Oh I'm sorry, I
always pull my hair back when I am working to keep it from getting into the
paint.  If you want, I'll take it down."  I responded, "No, don't!  I think
you look great, but just different with the shorts and all."  He smiled at
me and said, "Well when I am not leaving the house there is no reason to
dress up or dress conservatively!"  I had never thought Craig dressed
"conservatively", but tonight his appearance was provocative!

Although his explanations were plausible, I had my doubts that his
appearance wasn't calculated in every way.  For example, his hair wasn't
just pulled into a high pony-tail, it was meticulous and looked like
flowing waves had been brushed or styled with a curling iron.  The bangs
and symmetrical locks hanging down in front were also too perfect to have
been haphazardly arranged.  In addition to the beaded choker he had similar
leather beaded bracelets on one of his wrists and an ankle.  Finally, his
sparse, snug outfit did not leave much to imagine about what he looked like
naked.  I smiled to myself with the thought that Craig had made a special
effort to look sexy for me.

I had done much soul searching since the previous evening and was beginning
to get comfortable with my sister's advice.  The world had not come to an
end when I willingly kissed Craig the night before.  In fact, it was
wonderful.  When I stroked Craig off, it had not been disgusting.  In fact,
it was kind of thrilling to see someone else get so excited by my touch,
and gave me a rush when I watch the orgasm spurt out.  His willingness to
satisfy me with his mouth was addictive and something to be grateful for.
Finally, the fact that he had sought me out for a relationship to begin
with was flattering in its own right as I was beginning to learn more about
him.

Now, as I watched Craig put away his supplies, I could not help but be
drawn to him and I began to move towards him from behind with the intention
of holding him in my arms.  My trance was broken, however, when his mother
called us down for dinner, and Craig turned quickly towards me, gave me a
quick peck on the cheek, and holding my arm, led me to the stairs.

We had a friendly, casual dinner.  His mother was so nice and very hip to
current music and movies compared to my parents.  Without giving me the
third degree she did ask a lot of questions about my interests.  One thing
Craig and did have in common was that we both made good grades.  However,
where Craig was a talented artist, I was only above- average in musical
talent and non-artistic in every other respect.  I expected to have a
career in business eventually.  I learned more about the different places
they had lived.  Craig was an only child and his mother had carved out an
admirable life for them as a single mom.  I could tell they were close and
genuinely liked each other.  In contrast, I tended to think of my parents
in militaristic terms.

Craig's mother then embarrassed him by bragging about all of his art
accomplishments and then we walked around the house to see various examples
of his work.  While her bragging may have embarrassed Craig, it was no
exaggeration.  I was overwhelmed with his artistic talent, particularly
since he was so modest.  He was also an excellent piano player. Craig was
just a person of many talents whom almost everyone underestimated in every
way imaginable.  I almost felt like I had just met him for the first time.

We then went to the den to watch TV and Craig's mother went to a large
armchair.  Craig, in turn went to a relatively small loveseat at the back
of the room.  Although there were two other single chairs in the room, I
hesitantly decided to join Craig on the loveseat.  It had never occurred to
me to ask if Craig's mother knew he was gay, or if she had any
preconception about our "relationship".  Craig smiled when I sat down with
him and we watched a movie and then Saturday Night Live together.  Craig's
mother seemed to be in an increasingly good mood as the evening went on.

After a while, Craig returned from the restroom with refreshed drinks and
he sat right up against me and placed his hand on my thigh.  I was nervous
about his mother seeing us, but did nothing to call attention to it either
way.  She was actually sitting where she had to turn to see us on the
loveseat, although she seemed to be making every effort not to look back.
His hand felt good however, and I eventually placed my hand on his thigh
and relaxed.  After Saturday Night Live, with a not-so-subtle warning
(whereby we moved our hands back), she got up and excused herself to go to
bed.  She gave Craig a kiss on the forehead and leaned over and gave me a
brief hug and curiously whispered, "Thanks for being here!"

We continued a while with late night television, remaining on the loveseat
snug against each other.  I finally asked, "So I assume she knows you are
gay?"  Craig answered, "Correct, in fact she probably knew before I did."
I asked, "Was it difficult to tell her?  My parents would probably disown
me, but only after killing me first!"

Craig continued, "At the school I was at before we moved here, I was
getting picked on by bullies for being a sissy.  Mother helped me deal with
the bullies through the principal, but she also pulled me aside one
afternoon after a bad day at school.  She told me that she loved me no
matter what and that I had a great future ahead of me.  She then told me
that I needed to be true to myself or I would be unhappy in the long run.
She then told me that if I were to decide that I was gay, that it was fine
with her and she would love me all the same.  After that I started crying
and admitted that I knew I liked boys and not girls.  She just hugged me as
I cried and kept telling me to just be myself.  One of the reasons we moved
here was so I could get a fresh start and keep a low profile."

I could now really understand why they were so close.  I then asked him,
"What does she know about you and me?"  Craig answered, "Well let's just
say she has heard your name for several weeks.  But she doesn't know that
we have done anything, but only that you were someone that I desired, and
that I wasn't sure the feeling was mutual.  Her only response was to not be
afraid to take a chance and that if I wanted you I needed to make myself
attractive to you."  Without saying so directly, Craig had confirmed my
suspicions about his appearance being highly planned for this occasion!

 I then asked Craig, "When did you first act on your urges...surely I am not
the first?"  He responded, "I had a little experience with one boy, in
particular, where I lived before, but it was more experimental mutual
masturbation than anything else, much different than what I hope is going
on here."  I then followed, "That is a good question...what is going on
here?"  Craig concluded the discussion by saying, "I feel like I have
already put too much pressure on you.  You need to be yourself too.  But
just know that if you want me, I'm yours."  With that, Craig got up and
started upstairs.  I did not say anything but my heart was melting for
Craig and I got up and followed him.

We went into his bedroom, which had twin beds.  Craig pulled down the
covers of both beds.  Facing away from me, he seductively let his hair
down, which flowed in beautiful waves to his bare shoulders.  I took in his
angular frame from behind with his sexy cut- offs and tank top.  I then
walked in silence behind him and placed my hands on top of his shoulders
and leaned over and gently kissed the base of his neck.  I felt him exhale
and he leaned back into me.  I then moved my arms around his waist and
pulled him close as I kissed his neck again.  He turned his head towards me
and our lips met.  Without breaking the extended kiss, he turned around to
face me and pulled me close with his hands behind my shoulders.  His lean
frame felt perfect in my arms and I ran my fingers through his beautiful
hair as we made-out.

Without a doubt, this was the most romantic moment of my life to that
point, and we melted in passion.  Instead my previous awkward
tentativeness, I was totally comfortable with what I was doing and
wondering to myself why I had waited so long.  I became the aggressor and
began to help Craig out of his cut-offs and shirt.  He got into the bed and
leaned on an elbow beckoning me with his eyes.  I then undressed myself for
Craig's bedroom eyes, and joined him in bed.  Our naked bodies felt
incredible pressed together side-by-side, and this was the first time I had
actually been naked with someone else in a bed.  We spent countless minutes
simply kissing and exploring each other with our hands, eventually to where
Craig rubbed our erect penises against each other in his hand.

Craig then got on top of me and began to cover my chest with kisses.  He
was working his way down when I told him to stop.  I am sure he thought I
was getting cold feet, but it was just the opposite.  I told him, "it's my
turn to do you!"  So as Craig lay on his back I became the tongue explorer.
If anything I was getting more turned on.  As I neared his crotch, I
mentally challenged myself as to whether I was really ready to perform oral
sex on a guy.  I glanced up at Craig's sweet face and saw a loving smile
and knew the answer.

I returned to work and tantalizing teased him with gentle kisses of his
ball sack and up and down the shaft.  I was amazed at how hard his erection
had become and became excited that it was because of me.  Holding the shaft
gently I began to place wet kisses on the head and tickled it with my
tongue.  I then gently covered the head with my mouth and began to give him
the best blow-job I could muster despite my inexperience.

Using both hands to simultaneously massage the shaft and tickle his balls I
got better at being able to breathe and continue the motion.  After a while
I really was moving up and down pretty fast and I heard him groan and he
warned me to pull off or he would come in my mouth.  Instead I increased my
pace and bore down harder and deeper on him.  His eruption into my mouth
caused a brief involuntary gagging, but I recovered quickly and was able to
swallow most of the fluid.  The flavor was different than what I expected,
but was definitely not offensive.  My paranoia was replaced with triumphant
pleasure!

Breathing heavy, I returned my head to the pillow next to Craig, and rested
with my eyes closed.  Craig snuggled against me, kissed me on the cheek and
asked me if I was OK.  I simply nodded in response, but inside I was better
than OK, I knew that I had found myself sexually.  I also felt the love of
Craig in my heart.  After resting together, we took turns pleasing each
other orally again before finally crashing.

The next morning I awoke disoriented and realized that Craig was snuggled
with his backside against me, with my arms around him.  As I gathered my
wits, I realized how good it felt to be holding him and waking up in bed
together.  I started to feel myself getting hard again and Craig began to
wake up.  He whispered good morning in a sweet voice and snuggled tighter
against me while holding my hand and kissing the back of it.  My erection
kept growing and Craig began to wiggle his butt against me more vigorously.
This was all interrupted by the sound of his mother rustling about, so we
reluctantly got up and got dressed.

If Craig's mother ever knew what had been going on she did not say so the
next morning or act the least bit unusual.  Since her bedroom was
downstairs she probably couldn't hear us, but I could not be sure.  In any
event we innocently came down for a late breakfast.  As I left to go home,
we made plans to get together again that night.  With a discreet kiss, I
left his house floating on Cloud Nine.

That afternoon Cindy and Betsy returned from visiting their boyfriends.
They were more focused on the events of their own weekends, and we were
just sitting around listening to music, with small talk.  However, I am
sure I looked like the cat that ate the canary and finally, they asked what
I had done over the weekend.  I replied, "Craig and I went out both Friday
and Saturday.  In fact, we spent the night together at his house last
night."

My incomplete and ambiguous response did not fool them for a second and
they both looked at me expectantly.  Betsy inquired, "and...?"  I finally
confessed, "Well, thanks in no small part to you two, I now officially have
my first boyfriend!"  They shrieked with laughter and excitement and both
jumped on me and tickled me, saying to each other, "I told you so...no I
told you so...etc."  Their excitement made me feel great!

Betsy and Cindy went out with Craig and I that night and it was uplifting
to be around people where Craig and I could be open in our affection.  As
we cruised around in Cindy's car, Craig and I shamelessly made-out in the
back seat, nearly oblivious to the rest of the world.  The occasionally
would joke about us needing to come up for air.  As the summer wore on and
beyond, they provided a great "cover" for my parents and people in general,
as we often did things as a group, creating a "normal" appearance.  I
strongly felt the need to maintain secrecy, so as to not be harassed at
school and to avoid having to have a discussion with my parents as long as
possible.  Having had similar school issues, Craig understood and agreed
with my need to remain discreet.

A few days later when I spent the night again at his house, we somewhat
awkwardly discovered the pleasures of anal sex with me as the top and Craig
as the bottom.  With practice, however, we became expert at this activity
and what would have been unthinkable three months before, now was a core
sexual activity for us.  Craig loved it when I fucked him and almost
seeming addicted to me being inside of him.  I was amazed that anal sex had
the effect of making him come due to the massaging of the prostrate.  Craig
usually would carry a small tube of K-Y jelly in his pocket when we went
out in the event that we had a location to be intimate. Oral sex was still
special as well, and I grew to love the taste of his orgasms and became
pretty expert at giving head.  It gave me an adrenaline rush to feel him
coming in my mouth. When teenage couples discover sex, what follows is sex
at every opportunity.  Such was the case with us!

Our social life expanded, since another person we could be open with was
Roger, who was much more flamboyant than Craig and very bold about
flaunting his "gayness".  He did not have a steady companion, and seemed to
have a new lover each week, if not each night.  However, he and Craig had
become friends because of their common struggle to fit in as gay high
school students.  He was very nice to me, and seemed pleased that Craig had
a steady boyfriend.  He did seem surprised that somewhat so seemingly
conservative and preppy had ended up as Craig's lover, however.

Roger was the king of party planning, and we had some pretty wild times
when we did things with him and his "gay social network".  We sometimes
went into the city and attended parties at Roger's friends' apartments and
houses.  Usually, in these settings, Craig and I were usually fucking
within 10 minutes after locating an empty bedroom!  With the help of fake
ID's we went to certain gay bars where we could dance and be publicly
affectionate.  I was really shocked at one of the bars to see a former
teacher from high school, who had remained friends with Roger.  There were
also several other former schoolmates, including two lesbian girls, in this
social circle.  With each new familiar face, I was surprised initially, but
should not have been, in hindsight.

The overall experience was very helpful to me, because it demystified the
stereotypes of gay people.  They definitely came in all shapes and sizes!
There also just were a lot more people who were gay than I had realized
with my sheltered past.  It also felt good to be able to be among people
where it was OK to hold hands with Craig or have our arms around each
other.  In these settings, everyone knew we were a couple and not in any
way think badly of us.  In fact, in these settings we were so affectionate
that sometimes people would kid us about being "lovebirds in heat".

When we were at large parties or at bars, if we were separated just for
short time, other guys would flirt aggressively with us, until they knew we
were a couple.  Craig's shyness dissipated when he was away from the
stifling neighborhood/school environment and his "pretty boy" good looks
were indeed striking when he was also dressed stylishly.  Similarly, my
"All-American", masculine good looks seemed to draw attention as well.  I
would have never thought of myself as being attractive to men, but both of
us fended off a lot of suitors.  It was naive at the time, but I was
surprised by how many men five to ten years older than me would hit on me
in the bars.  For someone only 17, I became well- versed in pick-up lines!
In all honesty, both of liked the attention, both when separately being
"hit on" as well as when people would take note of us as a couple.

With my agreement, Craig acknowledged our relationship to his mother and we
could also be openly affectionate around her.  She was quite liberal-minded
for the time, but she truly loved her son and accepted him for who he was.
I think she also liked and respected me and "approved" of me being Craig's
boyfriend.  Initially, it felt awkward holding hands or kissing in front of
her but I got over that and it was wonderful to have a safe haven where we
could be natural around each other.  Given this and I spent many nights at
their house the rest of the summer.  I am sure she knew we were having sex
upstairs but she chose to not ask about it or lecture us.  She also said
that it was up to me as to telling my parents that I was involved in a gay
relationship.

As for our sexual relationship, Craig and I were like any other 17-18 year
old couple -- horny most all of the time!  Cindy and Betsy continued to take
an almost perverse pleasure in our relationship and they encouraged us at
every chance.  One weekend we went with them to Austin and with their
urging, we were completely open publicly the whole weekend, including in
front of their boyfriends.  Since Austin is a liberal city, most people
barely took note of us as we walked hand-in-hand.  This taste of "freedom"
made it stifling to return to the "neighborhood".

Unconstrained by needing to avoid the school dress codes, Craig became more
flamboyant in his dress.  He continued to entice me with different hair
styles, and frilly, skimpy clothes.  Being interested in fashion, he often
wore stylish clothes and I know he enjoyed having someone to dress up for.
I still would encounter and find certain girls attractive, and I might
notice a really good-looking guy at a party or bar. However, I only found
Craig truly attractive among men, because I had grown to love him.  We were
in lust, but we were also in love.

I still had not completely faced the music on whether I was gay, bi, or
just "going through a phase".  At the time it seemed important to figure
this out.  Later I came to realize that categorizing yourself had no useful
purpose.  However, the parties, bar-hopping, meeting new and different
people and constant sex, made for the most exciting summer of my
comparatively boring life.  As opposed to being mortally terrified about
being gay or being around gay people, I became excited, in a rebellious
way, about the prospect, particularly if it meant such an exciting
lifestyle.  More importantly, if being gay was necessary for me to be
Craig's lover, then so-be-it.  I had completely surrendered to the notion
that I had fallen in love with Craig, and he with me.  I could not imagine
ever not being with him.

Regrettably, reality set in and Craig needed to get ready to leave for
college.  He actually began to have second thoughts and discussed staying
in town and attending school locally for a year until I graduated and then
we could go to school somewhere together.  Craig's mother and I, in moments
of clarity, eventually dismissed this idea since it would be a surrendering
of all the dreams that Craig had worked so hard for, including and
especially the scholarship to NYU.  Eventually we settled for discussing
how fast Christmas-break would arrive and how we would remain true in the
meantime.

Thus, the summer of my sexual awakening and first boyfriend came to an end.
I wanted to cry when I hugged Craig goodbye at the airport as he boarded
the flight to New York.  That is not the end of our story but certainly the
closing of its main chapter.